


Ed Edd n Eddy + Nat (My Oc)

by Rockinoutlive



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Friendship, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:47:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 97
Words: 226,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28820226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rockinoutlive/pseuds/Rockinoutlive
Summary: This story is basically each Ed Edd n Eddy episode in written form but I changed a few scenes and dialog to include my Oc Nat so it would be like she was a part of the group. I own nothing (Except my Oc of course)
Kudos: 2





	1. The Ed-Touchables

[Edd is in his room, using a labeler. He labels a desk lamp "Lamp", a bookshelf "Books", and a desk "Desk." Around the room can be seen other evidence of his labeling, such as a bed labeled "Sack" and a label reading "Door Knob" next to the doorknob.]

Edd: "Four thousand eight hundred and twenty, four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four–ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel–four thousand eight hundred and thirty-one, four thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and–" [He does some calculations on an abacus.] "–thirty-seven."

[He places a label reading "Ants 4,837" on his ant farm. The doorbell then rings. He walks down to get the door. Upon opening it, he finds nobody there. He is halfway up the steps when the doorbell rings again. He goes down to get the door and once again finds nobody there. He tests the doorbell, and then goes upstairs. Once again, he gets halfway up before the doorbell rings again. He rushes down to get it.]

Edd: [annoyed] "Now please–!" [A bucket of water falls on his head.]

[Edd once again starts up the steps only to have the bell ring when he's halfway up. He goes down to get the door, and looks up carefully to make sure there are no unpleasant surprises. Just as he's about to stop looking up, a fish hits him in the face. Edd stands there stunned for a few seconds and then heads up the stairs, an odor now surrounding him. Once again, the doorbell rings when he's halfway up.]

Eddy: "Hey, Double D, what took you so long?"

Edd: "Oh. Hello, Eddy. So, what're you doing?" [remembering the pranks] "Hey. Was that you ringing my doorbell?"

Eddy: "Who, me? Nah."

Edd: [opening the door to his room] "Wait, Eddy. You know the rules." [He holds up a pair of bunny slippers.]

Eddy: "Aw, come on, Edd. Not again." [Edd wiggles the slippers] "All right. Sheesh, stupid slippers."

Edd: "And I'll dispose of these." [He puts the shoes in a box labeled "Shoes."]

Eddy: "Okay. The slippers are on nowwWWHOAAA!" [Edd has taken a vacuum cleaner hose and is busily cleaning Eddy's nose with it.]

Edd: "We'll have you clean in no time, Eddy!" [His head gets sucked in but is shaken out. Edd is finished with his nose.] "Almost done." [He vacuums the back of Eddy's shirt.]

Eddy: "Gee, thanks Edd."

Edd: "After you, Eddy."

Eddy: "Yeah. After me."

[Entering the room, he spots Edd's bed. He goes over and jumps on it.]

Edd: "EDDY!" [remaking the bed] "Messy messy messy messy messy. Please don't do that, Eddy."

[Eddy begins switching labels, switching the "Slipper" label, which he places on the bed, with the "Bed" label.]

Edd: "Eddy! Please return those labels to their rightful designations."

Eddy: "Alright, alright, don't have a bird." [He takes the slipper label off the bed and replaces it with one that says "Toilet".] "Are ya done yet? Let's go get Ed!"

Edd: "Please be patient. I have just one more–" [He puts down a "Magnifying Glass" label and realizes it's missing.] "–HHAH! It's gone." [freaking out] "Eddddyyyy. Someone took my magnifying glass. I feel so violated."

Eddy: "Maybe you misplaced it."

Edd: [shoving Eddy away] "Never! What has become of this world? Is nothing sacred?" [sweeping the contents of his desk into the trash can] "Everything is soiled! Who would do such a thing? Who would violate the sanctity of somebody's room? With their filthy hands!" [clutching at Eddy] "Oh. Oh Eddy. I feel sick. I feel nauseous. I CAN'T BREATHE!"

[Eddy goes over, picks up Edd's mattress, and slams it down on him.]

Edd: "Thank you. I needed that."

Eddy: "Anytime, pal! You know, you can't have somebody touching your stuff. It just isn't right." [no longer concerned] "Okay. Race you to Ed's place."

[The duo rush over to Ed's. When they get there, Ed can clearly be seen watching a horror movie on TV. They tiptoe to the window.]

Eddy: [whispering] "There he is."

[Eddy and Edd sneak in through the window. When Edd tries to enter, the window slams on his fingers, and he makes noises of pain.]

Eddy: [whispering] "Ssh. Quit fooling around." [He continues to sneak up on Ed. Just as he's about to pounce, Ed grabs him in a headlock and gives him a noogie.]

Ed: "Hey, Eddy! What's up?"

Edd: [leaping on them] "Dogpile!" [They tussle. Ed ends up victorious, with the two of them in a headlock.]

Ed: "Hi Edd Double D. You guys make me laugh."

[Suddenly there is a soft knock on Eds door]

Nat: "Hi Ed it's Nat can I come in?"

Ed: "Sure Nat!"

[Nat comes in and sees Eddy and Edd in Ed's arm]

Nat: "Um...am I interrupting something?"

Ed: "No not at all!"

[Nat looks confused]

Nat: "Welll I was wondering if any of you have seen my book? I couldn't find it this morning."

Ed: "No, I haven't seen it."

Edd: "I am unfamiliar with the location of your book."

Eddy: "Don't know, Don't care."

[A thunderous crashing is heard. All around Ed's room, things shake and fall off the walls. Sarah kicks the door open and storms up to Ed.]

Sarah: [yells in rage] WHERE IS SHEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!"

Ed: "What? Who?"

Sarah: [worried] "My dolly. Polly Poo Poo, that's who." [She leaps around the room, destroying stuff.] "I–I need my dolly."

Ed: "But Sarah, I didn't touch her."

Sarah: [leaping on Ed and fighting with him] "Liar! Don't you lie to me, you dolly stealer!"

Eddy: [strangled] "You gotta love these family moments."

Sarah: "If you don't tell me where she is, I'm gonna get really angry."

[Ed trips, and the four of them land hard on the ground, Eddy still in a headlock.]

Eddy: "Uh, Ed?"

Ed: "Yeah, Eddy?"

Eddy: "As much as I really love the smell of your stinky pits...CAN YOU LET GO OF MY HEAD NOW?"

Eddy: [now out of his headlock] "Don't you see what's going on here? It's epidemical! Double D's magnifying glass, Nat's book, Sarah's doll? Someone, or something, is touching everybody's stuff. We got to spread the word! We have to warn everyone that there's a-a serial toucher on the loose!"

Nat: "How are we going to do that, Eddy?"

Eddy: [getting a scam idea] "Hey! I know just what to do!" [He laughs.]

Eddy: [using a traffic cone as a megaphone] "Attention please! Hey! Beware of the toucher! Serial toucher on the loose! Hide your stuff, hide your valuables. Serial toucher on the loose!"

Sarah: "That dirty toucher took my Dolly Poo Poo!"

Jimmy: "It's true. Won't somebody help us?" [The other kids make assenting noises.]

Eddy: "Quiet, quiet! Everyone just relax. We've got it all under control."

Kevin: "Yeah? What can you dorks do about it?"

Eddy: [shoving the megaphone in Kevin's face] "Well, we dorks are gonna solve this mystery!"

Kevin: "Ha! I'd pay money to see that."

Sarah: "Me too." [The rest of the kids make noises of agreement.]

[Eddy is pacing in front of the other two Eds and Nat. They are in the lane.]

Edd: "What do you propose we do now?"

Eddy: "Okay, boys!" 

[Looks at Nat]

Eddy: "And girl."

[He starts drawing diagrams in the dirt with his shoe.] "Here's the lane, okay. We'll start here, then we'll cross the street over by the corner store..."

[Ed is laughing for some reason.]

Nat: "Ed hold still please."

Edd: "This is delicate work."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are rigging up a device on him.]

Eddy: "There's no way the toucher can resist this." [The machine seems to consist of a "Don't Touch!" sign and a wire.] "Perfect!"

Nat: [whispering] "Someone's coming." [Edd, Nat and Eddy dive behind the bushes.]

Eddy: [whispering to a still laughing Ed] "Ed! Don't move! And stop giggling!" [Ed stops.]

Kevin: [riding up] "Dork!"

Ed: "Dork?"

Eddy: "Ssh! Ed! Somebody else is coming!"

[Jonny arrives, Plank in tow.]

Jonny: "Whatcha doin, Ed?" [receiving no response] "Oh, Ed, I'm liking your haircut." [He looks closer at it.]

Plank: "..."

Jonny: "What's that, Plank? You wanna feel too? Okay." [He rubs Plank against Ed.]

Eddy: "Ed's been touched! Pull! Pull!"

[Edd pulls the wire, and a variety of alarms go off.]

Eddy: "Ah hah! Dr. Toucher, I presume?"

Jonny: "Whoa! You guys are weird!" [He runs away.]

Eddy: "Get him!" [They chase him. Calling to Ed] "Move it, Ed! Come on!"

[Ed jumps off the bench and starts running the wrong way.]

Eddy: "Ed, this way!"

[Ed runs in the right direction.]

[Jonny runs down the lane. The fences are plastered with wanted posters that have "The Toucher," "Serial Toucher," or "Toucher" printed on them.]

Eddy: [giving chase with his friends] "He's getting away! Follow me!" [He leads them through a door in a fence.]

[The Eds and Nat are running down a sidewalk, Jonny nowhere in sight. Edd, Nat and Eddy run behind a pole. Ed tries to copy them, but instead runs into the pole. He tries again and runs into it again. It happens another time before Edd, Nat and Eddy grab Ed and pull him behind the pole. Jonny then comes running down the street, and the Eds and Nat stick out their feet and trip him.]

Jonny: [on the ground, panting] "They got me, old buddy. But you–you can still–make it, Plank, RUN!" [He throws Plank forward, but Plank comes down on his outstretched arms.] "Save yourself." [as the Eds and Nat grab him] "Be nice!"

[Ed picks up Plank and takes Jonny off to be interrogated.]

[Jonny and Plank are tied to chairs in a basement. Wires are rigged up to them. Ed comes up to them, shining a light in their eyes.]

Ed: "Hey Jonny, nice haircut. Double D's got a surprise for you." [He points to Edd, who is working at a control board.] "A lie detector."

Edd: [putting a slice of bread in a toaster] "Ready."

Ed: "Better watch what you say, Jonny."

Eddy: "Yeah, Jonny." [He's wearing sunglasses and has a toothpick in his mouth.] "You wouldn't lie to your pals, now, would ya?" [He takes out the toothpick and tosses away the sunglasses.] "Ed. Light." [Ed tosses him the flashlight.]

Eddy: [interrogating Jonny] "Alright Jonny, enough fooling around. So why don't you just tell us where everybody's stuff is, hmm?"

Jonny: "I don't know what you're talking about I didn't do anything!"

Nat: "Eddy is this really necessary?"

Eddy: "Yes it is, now be quiet!"

[Nat sighs in defeat]

Eddy: "What's the word, Double D?"

Edd: [sniffing the cooking toast] "Inconclusive, Eddy."

Eddy: [groaning, then talking to Jonny again] "Well if you won't talk, maybe your friend will." [He goes over to Plank.] "You must be the brains, huh?"

Plank: "..."

Eddy: "Where's the stuff, Planky? FESS UP!"

Plank: "..."

Eddy: "Oh. Silent, huh?" [He prepares to slap Plank.] 

Nat: "I don't think you should do that."

[He ignores her and slaps him anyway]

Eddy: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! SPLINTERS!!!"

[Nat shakes her head]

Nat: "I tried to warned him."

Jonny: "AAAAAAH! LEAVE PLANK ALONE EDDY!"

[The toast pops up, burnt. Edd sniffs it and then enters some data into a computer. He turns it to face Ed, Eddy, Jonny, and Plank. It reads "FALSE".]

Edd: "As you can see, the board is lying."

Eddy: "Well Planky, I think it's time we tried other methods." [He holds up a squirt gun. Jonny looks on in horror.]

Jonny: "Huh?"

Eddy: "This will make you swell up good."

[Eddy pulls the trigger and lets the gun drip onto Plank. Jonny watches in horror. As the torture goes on, it becomes apparent that Jonny has to use the bathroom. He groans in pain as the pressure builds inside.]

Jonny: "Okay! Okay! I did it! I took everyone's stuff! Now let me go. I gotta go to the bathroom!"

Eddy: "You heard him, boys and girl. Case closed." [He snaps his fingers.]

[Jonny is in a tire, which is bouncing around the cul-de-sac.]

Eddy: [holding a jar of coins and talking to the other two Eds and Nat] "So boys, what's big, round, costs a nickel–"

Ed, Edd and Nat: "Jawbreakers!"

Eddy: "Now away we go!" [He runs into Sarah and Jimmy.]

Sarah: "Now just a rotten minute! I found my dolly under my bed."

Jimmy: "It's true. And here she is. See?"

Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy. Ahem. Upon further inspection of my person, I seem to have come across, my magnifying glass." [He holds it up.]

Nat: "I was also able to find my book." 

[Jonny bounces by while they contemplate what this could mean. Eddy then holds up the jar, grinning.]

Sarah: [rolling Jonny, still in a tire] "That Eddy thinks he's so smart! We know you didn't do it, Jonny."

Jonny: "Mank. Moo." (Thank you.)

Sarah: "Hang tight, Jonny. This won't hurt a bit." [She pushes Jonny down a hill.]

[The Eds and Nat are in front of the candy store, slurping jawbreakers.]

Eddy: "This is good."

Nat: "Shouldn't we feel guilty about Jonny?"

Eddy: "Nah. You know what they say: A little childhood trauma builds character."

[Jonny, still in his tire, runs into them, knocking the jawbreakers out of their mouths. The jawbreakers roll down the street, and the Eds and Nat chase the jawbreakers.]


	2. Nagged to Ed

[It starts in a garage. An insect is crawling across what appears to be a workshop desk.]

Edd: [picking it up with a pair of tongs] "Not so fast, little fella!" [He carefully places the insect in a jar.]

Ed: "I saw this thing in a movie. "I Married a Thorax!"

Edd: [looking over his insect collection] "Ants, check. Millipedes, check. Moths–"

Eddy: "Yep. It's a bug."

Edd: [holding up an empty jar] "Well, Eddy, the time has arrived for my monthly insect expedition!" [handing him supplies] "A pair of galoshes and sterile gloves to avoid bacteria and germs."

Eddy: "Insects bug me."

Edd: [holding out a shovel and some gloves] "Ed, for you."

Eddy: [intentionally misusing the equipment] "Okay. Ready."

Ed: [wearing a glove on his head] "Set." [He blows the glove up until it shoots off his head.]

Nat: "I'm also set."

Edd: "Go! Let us proceed to the forest!" [He leads the way.]

Eddy: "Follow Nature Boy."

[The Eds and Nat are in the forest.]

Edd: "Isn't it magnificent? All the splendors of nature, displayed in one giant petri dish full of life!" [As he speaks, the atmosphere of the forest changes, becoming darker and scarier.]

Nat: "It takes my breath away."

Ed: "I think I swallowed a bug."

Eddy: [hearing a noise] "Huh? What was that?"

[There's nothing there.]

Eddy: "That's it! This nature stuff is for the birds." [He stomps off and disappears around a corner.] "WHOAOOO!"

Ed, Nat and Edd: "Eddy?" [They go after Eddy and find him staring at an enormous spiderweb.]

Ed: [entranced] "Whoa, way big."

Nat: "Its beautiful!"

Edd: "It's a masterpiece of nature!"

Eddy: "Looks like my grandmother's hairnet. Well, let's go guys. ED!"

[Ed is in the center of the web, bouncing on it.]

Nat: "Ed please come down!"

Eddy: "Get down, you maniac!"

Ed: "Yee-haw, it's sticky!"

Edd: "You're disturbing the eco-environment!" [They hear a noise.]

Nat: "What was that?"

Edd: "Now you've done it. Ed, I suggest..." [He gulps. Eddy starts shivering.]

Chanters: "Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

Eddy: "Ed! Get off that thing!" [Spooky laughter is heard.]

Ed: "Huh?" [he tries to get down] "Help me, guys! I don't want the fluids drained from my body!"

Eddy: "Hold on, Ed! We'll rescue ya!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy try to pull Ed loose. Meanwhile, the chant starts again.]

Chanters: "Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

[Ed is pulled loose. The laughter is heard again, and the Eds and Nat run through the forest. They suddenly run into three pairs of eyes.]

Chanters: "Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree."

[The Eds and Nat run away.]

Chanters: "K-I-S-S-I-N-G."

[The Eds and Nat run into the eyes again.]

Chanters: "Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N–"

[The Eds and Nat run again.]

Edd: [spotting an exit] "A way out. Through the trees!" [The Eds follow it and plunge headfirst into swampy muck.]

Eddy: "Help! Quicksand!"

Ed: "I am blind"

Edd: "My eyes!"

[Nat stares in shock]

Nat: "Hold on guys, I'll help you!"

[As Nat is about to help them she is then grabbed by an unseen figure]

Edd: "Nat?! Nat?! Where are you?!"

[The Eds see something that makes them clam up. The spooky laughter is heard again, and three figures step in front of them.]

The Eds: "AAAAAHHH!"

[They are now in a trailer park. Centered in on a blue trailer. Inside, the Eds are lying on the floor, wearing robes.]

Lee: [standing over them with May and Marie] "Hey Eds, so happy you dropped in!"

Marie: "Hope you like our dads' robes!"

[The Eds sit up with a start. Edd is wearing a robe that says "Bubba," Ed is wearing one that says "Rod," and Eddy has on a robe reading "Butch."]

Eddy: "How did we get into these?"

[The Kanker Sisters lean in and attempt to kiss them. The Eds flee to the wall, and the Kankers giggle.]

Edd: [in an undertone] "This is not good."

Lee: [as she and her sisters flop down around the Eds] "Go ahead. Yell. No one will hear you."

May: "I'm May Kanker."

Marie: "I'm Marie Kanker."

Lee: "And I'm Lee Kanker. We're the Kanker sisters. We just moved in."

Eddy: "I'm Eddy."

Ed: "I'm Ed."

Edd: "I'm–"

Marie: "We know. Double D. Don't you worry about that."

Eddy: "Uh, do you girls know where our clothes are?"

Edd: "And our friend Nat?"

Lee: "Oh they're drying outside and don't worry about your friend, You boys sure were dirty." [Eddy jerks up, confused.] "We're gonna pop into the kitchen for a bit, boys, and fix up some home cookin' for ya."

Marie: "We'll be right back."

May: [leading the pack] "Hey! Wait for me!" [The Kanker sisters exit.]

Edd: [nervous] "This is very strange. Let's find Nat and go!"

Eddy: [dragging him back] "Hold it, Double D. Where's your manners? They're new here. And they said they were gonna make us some food, didn't they? So why don't we just hang out a bit, eat for free, and then we can split."

Edd: "Don't forget about Nat." 

Eddy: [rolls his eyes]" Fine whatever, C'mon, let's check this place out!"

Edd: [still not satisfied] "Where exactly are we?"

[Eddy stares out the window at the trailer park.]

Eddy: "Huh. Looks like a postcard I sent my brother once."

Ed: "Ah, TV!" [He turns it on and gets only static. He pounds it a few times, but still receives nothing. He pounds it again, and then tries turning the knob. Even after this, he still gets nothing.] "Ah it's a rerun." [He turns the TV off and picks up a diving helmet.] "Nice space helmet." [He puts it on and sits on the couch.] "Take me to your plumber."

Eddy: "Nice head, Ed. Get it? It rhymes. Head? Ed? I crack me up."

Edd: [looking at the bookcase] "Interesting. Hub Cap Digest." [He picks it up and flips through it. All the pages are blank.] "This book has no print. These pages are blank!"

Eddy: [pointing at something] "Ha ha look! Artwork!" [He laughs.] "It's Ed and May! How cute!" [His gaze then falls on one of Edd and Marie.]

Edd: "Is that me?"

Eddy: [seeing a drawing of Eddy and Lee getting married] "What the–AAAAH! That's not funny!" [He tears it off the wall and crumples it up.]

Marie: [entering with a tray on which are cups of milk] "Okay, boys! Come and get some nice cold delicious powdered milk!"

[The Eds rush over and drink from the glasses. After each sip, they exhale white powder into the air.]

Marie: [putting a videotape in the VCR] "How about a video? Fish Bowl 2. A classic."

[The Eds sigh and sink into the couch, contented.]

Marie: [back in the kitchen with her sisters] "It's so nice to have the boys home."

May: "Hey, I'm doing the fish sticks!" [She snatches the box from Marie.]

Marie: "Then give me the cleave-a-clob!"

Lee: "Girls, shut up! We got lunch to make?" [She grabs a stick of lard.] "The way to a man's heart is through his arteries." [She dumps the entire stick on top of the burgers.] "Add a little Kanker secret sauce...Ketchup!" [She drowns the food in the condiment.]

[The food is being brought in to the Eds.]

The Kankers: "Dinner's ready."

[The scent is so tantalizing that the Eds levitate towards the grub. They take it back to the couch and dig in.]

The Kankers: [sighing] "They're so dreamy."

May: [going upstairs with her sisters] "Be back in a minute, boys!"

Lee: "Yeah. We're gonna go and freshen up!"

[The Eds continue to eat. Eddy stops after a bite and pulls out a cog wheel. He throws it behind the couch and continues his meal.]

[The Kankers come downstairs, now wearing prettier clothes.]

The Kankers: "We're back."

Marie: "Notice anything new, Eddy?" [When he doesn't respond, she waves a hand in front of his eyes. Eddy doesn't notice.]

Lee: "The finest in processed products! Only the best for you." [Eddy pays no attention to her statement.]

Eddy: "Hey, how about a refill on that powdered milk stuff?"

May: "Do you like our Kanker Burger, Big Ed?"

Ed: [talking with his mouth full] "It's good, yum!"

May: "Don't talk with your mouth full mister!"

[Marie puts a pillow behind Edd. Edd starts.]

Marie: "AAH!"

Edd: "Please refrain from touching me when I'm eating. Thank you."

Marie: [poking him] "I'll touch you whenever I want, buddy boy!"

Edd: "Is there a problem?"

The Kankers: "Everything's fine!"

[The Eds are watching Fish Bowl 2 when the Kankers move to stand in front of the TV.]

Eddy: [annoyed] "Hey move it! Out of the way! This is the best part!"

Lee: "Move it?"

Marie: [getting in Eddy's face] "It's not good enough that we've worked hard and broken our backs for you?"

Lee: [in Ed's face] "If things don't change around here, we're leaving!"

May: [in Edd's face] "It's time you good-for-nothings started to pull our own weight around here!"

Ed: [to Eddy] "What is up with them?" [They both look to Edd, who shrugs.]

[The Eds suddenly hear a noise from upstairs]

Edd: "What was that noise?"

Marie: [ignoring Edd's question, points to the food remnants] "Clean this mess up right now!" [The Eds rush to take care of it, but before they can start Lee calls them.]

Lee: "Hey! Over here! Clean this mess!" [The Eds are in front of a sink full of dishes.]

[Ed comes up with an idea. He lifts the couch, and the Eds slide the mess under it.]

Lee: "You call that clean?" [she throws some clothes at Eddy] "Get washing!"

Marie: [handing Edd a brush] "And scrubbing!"

Lee: [grabbing Edd by the ear] "Come along, little man."

Marie: "Time to clean up!" [She grabs Eddy by the hair. Ed laughs at his friends' misfortune]

May: "And you!" [Ed heads off to clean.]

[Edd is in front of a sink, washing dishes. Ed suddenly appears and wrecks the stack.]

Edd: "Ed, you ruined my dishes."

Ed: [laughing, he passes Eddy] "Headed outside, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Slacker." [While looking at Ed, he collides with Edd. Their piles, of laundry and dishes, respectively, fly all over the place.]

Lee: [painting her toenails] "That better be fighting over me I hear in there!"

[Ed is washing the windows. In the kitchen, Edd is getting up.]

Edd: "I'm going to sanitize the living area."

Eddy: [close to the edge] "Okay. I'll clean this. I'll clean EVERYTHING!" [He throws the laundry in the sink, which is filled with soapy water, and stomps on it.]

[Instead of cleaning Edd goes upstairs to investigate the noise.]

[He opens the bathroom door upstairs and finds Nat on the floor gagged and all tied up]

Edd: [removes the gag] "Nat are you alright?! What happened?!"

Nat: "Those girls captured me! They tied me in here and locked me in!"

Edd: [proceeds to untie Nat] "Oh dear."

Nat: [observes Edd's robe] "What did they do to you?"

Edd: [looking embarrased] "I prefer not to say the details."

Nat: [letting it go] Ok distract them so I can look for yours, Ed and Eddy's clothes so we can escape."

Edd: "Shouldn't be too hard."

[Edd starts cleaning the living room.]

The Kankers: "Better shine it up nice!"

[Ed enters from the outside, mud on his shoes.]

The Kankers: "Hey! Mud tracker! You're tracking mud!"

Edd: "Mud?"

[Ed looks down. Through the film of his helmet, he can clearly see the mud.]

Ed: "Uh-oh." [He exacerbates the problem by walking forward and tracking more mud. He then steps in Edd's bucket of water, which gives him momentum, sending him uncontrollably towards the kitchen.]

May: "You better not wreck Daddy's bucket!"

[Ed heads into the kitchen and collides with Eddy, who is holding laundry. Eddy passes the laundry to him.]

Eddy: "Hang these outside!" [He pushes Ed in the opposite direction.]

Ed: "Uh. Okay. EDDY!" [He collides with Edd, who is scrubbing the floor again. They both topple over. Lee comes over and lectures Ed, but all that is heard is a faint mumbling.]

Lee: "...you should go back to diving for clams."

Eddy: [fed up] "THAT'S ENOUGH!" [The Kankers begin to snivel.] Okay?

Marie: "T-this is the th-thanks we get for our hard work?"

[The Kankers run into their room crying.]

Eddy: "Uh-oh."

[The Kankers are sitting on the bed in their room.]

May: [sniffling] "Us girls have got to get ourselves together." [The doorknob turns and the Eds peek in.] "Haven't you done enough damage already? Now get out of here! And never come back!" [She slams the door in their faces.]

[Nat enters holding the Eds clothes]

Nat: "Guys I found your clothes, now let's go!"

Eddy: [satisfied] "Well, you heard her. Let's go!"

Edd: "This has been quite educational."

Eddy: "Hello, freedom."

[Eddy opens the door only to come face to face with the Kankers.]

Eddy: "AAAAH!"

May: "Just a minute there. What about Eddy Jr.?" [She pulls a string on a doll of Eddy, and Eddy's laugh plays.]

Lee: [with a doll of Ed] "And Ed Jr.!"

May: [as Marie pulls out an Edd doll] "Don't forget Double D Jr.!"

The Eds: "AAAH!"

[Nat throws the clothes at the Kankers faces]

Nat: "Run for it!"

[The Eds and Nat run away screaming.]

[The Kankers remove the clothes from their faces]

Lee: "That's it, run you cowards!"

May: "Get lost!"

Marie: "And don't trip on your shoelaces!"

May: [happily watching them] "Look at them run."

Marie: [dreamily] "Just like a real man."

Lee: [blowing a kiss] "I think I'm in L-U-V love!"

[The Kankers sigh, and then laugh evilly.]


	3. Pop Goes the Ed

[Eddy is staring through binoculars at a beehive.]

Eddy: "Okay, boys and girl, it's time for the welcome wagon to pay a visit."

[The Eds and Nat are all wearing uniforms that read "Ed's Hive Bee Gone."]

Nat: "Eddy, I don't think this is a good idea."

Eddy: "Eh, Who cares what you think."

[Nat sighs]

[Eddy creeps up on the nest, carrying a baseball bat. His friends follow, also carrying bats. Eddy backs off, letting his friends do the dirty work.]

Edd: [drawing his bat back] "Careful, Nat."

Nat: [holding the bat steady] "Careful, Guys."

Ed: [readying himself as well] "Knock knock!"

[Ed, Nat and Edd proceed to destroy the nest.]

Eddy: [looking at the wreckage] "AAAAHHH!" [He runs away.]

Ed, Nat and Edd: [following him, screaming] "WHOOOAOOAOOOOAAA!"

[The bees chase them down the hill. Eddy and Nat reach his house. They step inside as Eddy closes the door, holding it shut. Ed and Edd reach it too late, and Eddy strands them outside.]

Nat: "Eddy open the door! They're still out there!"

Eddy: "And get attacked by bees?! No way!"

Eddy: [opening the door after the ruckus subsides] "Hmm?"

[Nat looks shocked]

Ed: "Um, Eddy? Can we do something else?" [Both his and Edd's faces are swollen with bee stings.]

[The sun is beating down.]

Eddy: [sweating profusely] "What's with this heat?" [pleadingly] "Shade. I need shade." [He spots some.] "There!"

[The Eds and Nat all dive into the shade provided by a tree.]

The Eds and Nat: [relaxed] "Shade."

[The shade recedes, coming closer and closer to the base of the tree.]

Edd: "Sun!" [They stand against the tree as the shade recedes toward them.]

Eddy: [worried] "This can't be good. We need to find some more shade fast!"

[The Eds and Nat head from spot to spot. Each time they move, the shade disappears.]

Ed: "Hey! I know where we can cool off."

Eddy: "And I'm desperate enough to believe you."

Sarah: [dragging a chair across the kitchen] "Ice. I need ice."

[She stands on the chair and opens the freezer. A big block of ice falls out. The Eds and Nat are frozen inside. She kicks them out through the wall to the middle of the street, where the ice melts.]

[Eddy is clawing at sand.]

Eddy: (drooling sand) "W-w-w-w-water!" [He collapses.]

Edd: [crawling] "H₂O, please."

Nat: [clutching chest] Can't, breathe."

Ed: "Gravy."

Eddy: "I'm frying!" [The Eds and Nat lie in the sand, defeated.] "The fat lady just sang, boys and girl."

Ed: "My life is flashing before my eyes."

Eddy: "What life?"

Kevin: [looking at them] "What are you guys doing?"

The Eds and Nat: "What?" [They suddenly stand up, completely recovered.] "Uh...nothing."

Kevin: "Dorks!" [He speeds off.]

Ed: "Dorks?"

Eddy: "Kevin, wait! Where ya going?"

Kevin: "To Nazz's sprinkler party, stupid!"

Eddy: "Sprinkler party?" [He grins.]

Kevin: "You're not invited!"

Eddy: "Sprinkler party! Hear that, boys and girl? A chance to cool off and score some social points, too! Hmm. We have so much preparation to do. We'll start by..." [He huddles with the other two Eds and Nat, outlining plans.]

Eddy: [entering his room with his friends in tow] "It's time to put the plan into action." [Ed bumps into Edd.] "Relax, guys, don't do anything I wouldn't, make yourselves at home."

[Ed wriggles under the covers and crawls out with a magazine. He begins reading. Edd, meanwhile, surveys the room and decides to stand.]

Eddy: "Hey, Double D, sit anywhere, you know."

Edd: "I'll stand as per usual, Eddy; thank you."

Eddy: [pulling out a key] "Oh yeah." [going to a wardrobe] "Now for the secret of schmoozing; the rapture of rap; the snap, crackle, pop of cool." [The doors of the wardrobe open into many other drawers, finally revealing a dresser with locked doors.] "Hire a secretary, boys." [He inserts the key into one of the locks.] "Bingo. Now this–no peeking–this will be a day you'll never forget." [He pulls out a box.] "Pinch yourself, boys, swimsuits of the gods." [The box is opened to reveal three very small swimsuits.] "Well, okay, they're my brother's."

Edd: "My word. They look like napkins!"

Ed: "Cool box, Eddy."

[Eddy puts a record on, and "Green Onions" begins to play. He changes into his swimsuit. He then grabs some hair gel and works it into his hair. Eddy adds lotion to his arms, and he finishes off by drawing hairs on his chest with a pencil. The look is completed by the addition of a pair of sunglasses. He jumps into the middle of the room, slips, and falls. The record stops playing. Edd and Ed are then seen. Their swimsuits are likewise too tight. Ed is wearing shoes, and Edd is wearing a shirt along with his suit.]

Edd: "Um, perhaps they're a tad too confining."

Eddy: "No way, Jose! We're cooking! People used to try to be cool. But now it's hot. WE'RE hot."

Edd: "Do you feel hot?"

Ed: "Nah. I'm half baked."

[There is a soft knock on Eddy's door]

Nat: "Eddy it's Nat can I come in?"

Eddy: "Yeah, Come in."

[Nat comes in wearing a one piece bathing suit with a towel and flip flops]

Nat: "Are you guys ready to go?"

[The Eds stare at Nat]

Nat: "Um...Are you guys ok?"

[The Eds continue to stare]

Nat: "Oook, Well I guess I'll just meet you guys there."

[Nat leaves confused]

[The Eds snap out of it]

Eddy: [placing towels around his friends' shoulders] "Okay, so we look good, we feel good, so, off to the party! We're gonna be hip, we're gonna be hot, we're gonna make the scene!"

[The Eds look over the fence. All the kids are at the party, having fun.]

Eddy: "Wow. Everyone's here!"

Ed: "Looks like fun!" [He tries to climb the fence.]

Eddy: "Hold on, Mr. Happy!" [He pulls Ed back.] "The entrance to a party is everything. Lesson Number One:..." [They huddle.]

[The Eds enter, screaming all the way. Eddy, in a show of over-the-top bravado, dives for the kiddie pool where Jimmy is situated. Jimmy screams, but Eddy overshoots the pool and slides on the grass. His friends land on top of him. It would be a nice stunt if they don't then run into a table and end up collapsed in a heap.]

Sarah: [annoyed] "Oh, great!"

Kevin: "What are you guys doing here?"

Eddy: [wearing his towel like a cape] "Isn't it obvious?"

Sarah: "Who invited them?"

[Kevin takes a wet sponge and scrubs off Eddy's chest hair.]

Eddy: "Aah! My pencil chest hairs!"

Kevin: "Hey, check out the–" [Eddy grabs the waistband of Kevin's trunks and wedgies him.]

Nazz: [approaching them as they're about to come to blows] "Now boys, relax. Have fun. It's a party."

[Kevin and Eddy simultaneously melt.]

Sarah: [to Ed, who is sitting on the sprinkler] "Get your big butt off the sprinkler!" [Ed shifts just enough to send a spray of water into Sarah's face.] "Ooh, you–"

[A large spread of various foods is seen on a table. Rolf is salivating over a pig's head.]

Jimmy: "Um, what is that?"

Rolf: "Stuffed pig's head. A favorite of my country."

Jimmy: "Well, I brought a quiche!" [He shows it off to Rolf.] "Mmm. Yummy."

Rolf: [frightened] "It is the food of the–" [He waggles his lips with his finger and runs off.] "THE PARTY IS CURSED!"

Sarah: [to a crying Jimmy] "Don't worry, Jimmy. I like quiche!"

[Edd sees Nat and nervously approaches her]

Edd: "H-Hello Nat."

[Nat turns around and smiles]

Nat: "Hey Double D, I'm glad you came."

Edd: [blushing] "Y-Yeah m-me too."

Nat: "Cmon, lets go the picnic table."

[Nat goes as Edd follows behind]

Edd: "Hey, Eddy, catch!" [He, Nat and Ed throw burgers at Eddy, all of which he catches and eats. As a finale, Ed throws the pig's head into Eddy's mouth. He then throws Edd at him. Edd hits Eddy in the stomach, causing the pig's head to pop out. The head hits the table and bounces, finally ending up in Jimmy's quiche.]

Eddy: "Enough goofing around. If you wanna get noticed, you gotta mingle. Schmooz." [He pushes them to the table.]

Sarah: "Look at this mess."

[The kids (Jonny, Jimmy, and Sarah) notice that Edd, Nat and Ed are bookending them, wearing creepy smiles.]

Ed: "Hey, have you guys seen "Attack of the Zombie Brain-Munchers?""

Edd: "The operation I saw involved fascinating new brain extraction techniques."

Nat: "By hideous mutants with huge drooling mouths."

Edd: "So precautions had to be taken to avoid contamination."

Ed: "From popping eyeballs and swelling brains!"

Edd: [using the pig head for reference] "The incision was made here to relieve tremendous pressure."

Nat: "But it was too late, his head exploded!"

Edd: "With the slicing and cleaving, the gnashing and the severing–"

Ed, Nat and Edd: "Bloody! Gory!"

[Jimmy faints while Ed, Nat and Edd continue to demonstrate what happened in their respective shows. Eddy slaps his forehead.]

Eddy: "Guys? GUYS!" [He bangs his friends' heads together.] "Stop talking shop. I said... mingle."

[The kids are dancing to music.]

Eddy: "Look, music! Great! This is perfect. Let's mumbo!" [He pulls them off.]

[The Eds and Nat join in. They start to get into the groove when suddenly the music stops and the kids head for the table to eat.]

Eddy: [plotting] "Okay, boys and girl. Time for us to pull off a big one."

[They huddle and scheme. As soon as the plan is set, Ed, Nat and Edd head behind the sprinkler. Eddy, meanwhile, climbs a ladder leaning against the fence. When he gets to the top, he pulls out a megaphone.]

Eddy: "LADIES AND NON-LADIES! WE, THE EDS, ARE ABOUT TO ATTEMPT THE MOST DARING FEAT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! THE DOUBLE-GANGLE, HALF-TWIST, HOLD THE ONION, CHANGE FOR A BUCK SPRINKLER LEAP!"

[Eddy prepares to dive. He leaps into the air and does a series of tricks before he hits the ground. He then leaps up and starts running at his friends. He runs steadily until, just before he hits the sprinkler, he leaps high into the air. Ed and Edd scramble madly, trying to figure out where he'll come down. They catch Eddy in their arms, slightly unsteady. The trio manage to steady themselves; however, at this exact moment, their swimsuits refuse to hold them anymore and burst. One flies onto Plank's head, one flies into Kevin's hot dog bun (replacing his hot dog), and one lands in the punch bowl. Jimmy grabs it in the ladle and drinks it down with the rest of the punch. The music then starts again. The Eds just stand there shocked, hands over their privates. Nobody except Nat notices; in fact, it seems as though everyone at the party was doing their best NOT to notice the Eds.]

[Edd aware Nat is watching turns crimson red]

Eddy: [seeing the kiddie pool] "Quick! Into that pool!"

[The Eds hotfoot it to the pool and dive in.]

Edd: [worried] "What are we gonna do now?"

Eddy: "Someone's coming, act natural." [The Eds pretend they're playing.]

Sarah: "Quit hogging the pool. It's our turn."

Eddy: "No, it isn't."

Sarah: [furious] "Yes, it is!"

Ed: "We are not moving."

Sarah: "ED! GET OUT!!!!"

Eddy: "Hit the road." [He splashes water on Jimmy and Sarah.] "Put an egg in your shoe and beat it."

[Nat aware of the situation comes over]

Nat: "C'mon Jimmy and Sarah, let's leave these guys alone."

[They walk away]

Edd: [breathing a sigh of relief as Ed laughs] "That was close."

Nazz: "Hi, Ed, Edd n Eddy. You boys look cool. Mind if I join you?"

Eddy: [working up the courage to ask her to leave them alone] "Er, Ed's got three nipples like that bad guy in James Bond."

Nazz: [laughing and walking away] "You're funny."

Ed: [searching himself] "What third nipple? Show me where it is."

Eddy: "It's right here." [He grabs Ed's right nipple and squeezes.]

Edd: "Look!" [Rolf is carrying a giant cake to the table. Ed stands up and starts to walk towards the kids.]

Eddy: "Get down! Are you nuts?"

[The kids eat the cake, happily, while Nat constantly looks their direction as the Eds sit in the pool despairingly. Edd pulls out his hands and looks at them; they have swelled up.]

Edd: "GAH! I believe our bodies are soaking up all the water in the pool."

Eddy: [irritated] "Shut up."

[The kids are sitting around a campfire. Nat looks concerned as the Eds are in the pool a few feet away, frozen.]

Ed: "F-f-f-fire g-g-g-good–w-w-w-warm..."

Eddy: "Sh-sh-sh-shut up."

[The kids are inside, sleeping in sleeping bags in the living room. The Eds are still outside. By now their bodies have absorbed so much water that their bodies are crushed against each other.]

[Nat opens the door and sneaks outside]

Nat: "The coast is clear now guys."

Eddy: "T-t-then let's-s get out-t-t of h-h-here." [turning to Ed] "Ed? Ed? C-c'mon, Ed."

Ed: "F-f-fire g-g-good-d-d."

Eddy: "L-l-let's go. One...two..."

[They lift the pool. It comes up around their waists, cramming them against each other even tighter even as the bottom breaks.]

Eddy: "This is not good."

[The Eds make a break for it. They don't see the discarded pig's head, however. They slip on Rolf's pig head and fly into a tree. They poke their heads out. Ed's head has a beehive on it.]

Edd and Eddy: "AAAHH!" [Ed takes off the hive.] "RUN!"

[The Eds run, the pool still around them. They cry in pain, the pool wedged around them, as they run home, bees stinging all the way as Nat runs after them.]


	4. Over Your Ed

[Edd is in his pristine bathroom, taking a bath. He reaches up to get a loofah and vigorously scrubs at his arm. He then looks closely at it and is horrified by the small speck of dirt he sees.]

Edd: "Oh dear...STUBBORN GRASS STAINS!"

[Eddy is in his shower.]

Eddy: [singing] "Bop bop bop bow bow boo bowp, bowp bowp ba beep bap boo!" [He picks up a bar of soap.] "Yeah! Wow!" [The soap slips out of his hands and goes skyward.] "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

[The soap falls into his mouth and slides down his throat. He shortly thereafter begins foaming at the mouth.]

[Nat is taking a shower, using her bath brush as a microphone, singing to herself. She then looses her balance and falls down, pulling the shower curtain with her.]

Nat: [clutching her head] "Oww."

[We are in Ed's very dirty, dingy, grody, disgusting bathroom. Ed stands in the middle of it.]

Ed: "Hmm. Now what did I come in here for?" [He shrugs and walks off.]

[Edd is carrying sugar and a jug to a stand, which collapses as he approaches.]

Nat: "Can I help?"

Eddy: "Stand back, let the pro do it." [he fixes the stand] "Time to quench thirst! For cash." [He leans on the stand, and it collapses.]

[Edd is measuring sugar.]

Edd: "One, two three grains of sugar."

[We see that Eddy has nailed the leg to the table.]

Ed: [darting up] "Am I late?"

Eddy: "Just in time, Ed!" [He reaches under the table and gets a sign.] "Put this sign up!" [The sign reads "En-O-Gee Drinks.]

Ed: "Like this?"

Eddy: "No! Higher!" [As he helps Ed adjust the sign, his arm is in Ed's armpit. He sniffs it, and the stench makes him leap back a few feet.] "Ed! You smell like a gym bag! When was the last time you had a bath?"

Ed: "I forget."

[Eddy comes over to Edd, who is still measuring the first spoonful.]

Eddy: "So Double D, those drinks ready?" [He slaps Edd on the back, causing Edd to spill his spoonful.]

Edd: "Eddy, please! I'm counting the sugar!" [He adds some sugar and goes back to counting while Eddy walks off. Eddy comes back with a bag full of sugar.] 

Nat: "Eddy, I don't think thats-"

Eddy: "Shhh!"

[Nat sighs]

[Eddy proceeds to pour the whole bag in]

Edd: "1...2...4...5...6...75...76...77. A perfect measurement!" [He adds it in and stirs.]

Ed: "Can I help?"

[Edd gets a whiff but doesn't say anything.]

Ed: [picking up the sugar jar] "Add some of this!" [He tries to pour it in, but Edd protects the drink, so it all gets spilled on Edd's hat.]

Edd: "Please, Ed, that's too much sugar."

[Ed puts the sugar bowl down. Edd sniffs it and is shocked by the odor. He then sniffs the drink and looks accusingly at Ed.]

Edd: "Go away please, I'll taste it."

Ed: "Okay."

Edd: [After Ed leaves] "Smelly smelly smelly." [He pulls out a gas mask and some air freshener.]

[Ed is standing next to Nat and Eddy, who is pinching his nose shut.]

Eddy: [to Edd, who is pouring drinks] "Hurry it up, Double D."

[Edd pours a last cupful and takes a sip. The sugar hits him almost immediately, and he takes off like a rocket into the sky.]

Nat: [looking up] "Oh no."

Ed: "Whoa, look at him go, Eddy!" [He points at Edd. This action requires him to lift his arm, and Eddy gets a full-on blast of his armpit stench.]

Edd: [landing, hyper] "Great beverage!"

Eddy: "Huh?"

Nat: "Customers, Eddy."

Ed: "Can I be the sales Ed?"

Eddy: "No way! You'll screw it up."

Edd: "Eddy, it can't hurt!"

Eddy: [grumpily, putting words in Ed's mouth] "Ladies and gentlemen."

Ed: [yelling] "Ladies and gentlemen!"

Eddy: "Come buy a delicious."

Ed: "Come buy a deciduous!"

Eddy: "En-O-Gee drink."

Ed: "Hello!"

[Kevin and Nazz walk up.]

Ed: [to them] "I'm the sales Ed."

Kevin: "En-O-Gee drinks?"

Ed: "Here, try some!" [He picks up the jug and puts it through one of the sign's poles.] "Oops! I got it."

Eddy: "Ed!" [Ed, trying to fix it, puts a foot through the stand's desk.] "Ed!" [The stand falls over as Nazz laughs. Ed then grabs the jug in his teeth and tries to fix the stand. He only manages to break it further, and finishes up by spilling all of the drinks.]

Nazz: [still laughing] "I think l'll pass."

Kevin: "Real smooth, dork." [they both walk away]

Eddy: [superbly angry] "ED! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"

Ed: "Drink, mister?"

Eddy: [clutching his forehead] "What are we going to do with you?"

Nat: "How about a makeover?"

Eddy: [considering it] "Yeah. Under my supervision, you will become the definition of cool!" [He sniffs the air.] "Follow me, stinky."

[Ed is sitting in a wagon, naked.]

Ed: "Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?"

Eddy: "No, skunk-pits, it isn't."

Edd: [still hyper, examining the stages designed to wash Ed] "Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Everything's ready!"

[Eddy hits the wagon with a baseball bat, sending Ed to the first stage. Soapy brushes proceed to cover him in soap bubbles. Nat then pushes Ed to the next stage, where a bucket of water is dumped on him.]

Ed: "AAH! COLD!"

Eddy: [pulling off his mask] "Is it safe?"

Edd: [pulling his off as well] "Yes!"

Eddy: "Sweet!"

Nat: [after combing his hair] "Vuelah!"

Ed: "Wow! Am I cool now?"

Eddy: "No, you're naked. We gotta get you some new threads."

[Eddy flips on a light in his bedroom. Eddy then flips on the light in the room we're in.]

Eddy: "Welcome to my closet of dreams!" [The room is revealed as a gigantic closet.] 

Nat: [looking astonished] "Wow."

Eddy: "Double D, measure him up."

Edd: [still hyper] "Hold still please. Uh-huh. 154. 75."

Eddy: [examining a shirt] "Hmm. Too old."

Edd: [measuring Ed's head] "One six."

Eddy: "Hmm. Not bad."

Edd: "Sixty-five."

Eddy: "This'll do." [He heads towards them carrying clothes in his arms.]

Edd: [wrapped up in measuring tape] "Um, help!"

Nat: "Hang on, I'll help you." [Proceeds to unravel him]

Eddy: "Okay, gruesome, try these!" [He throws the clothes at Ed.]

Edd: [under Eddy's bed] "Woo-hoo!"

Eddy: [impatient] "C'mon, Ed, let's see already!"

[Ed steps out, dressed in the clothes Eddy chose.]

Eddy: "Hey, not bad!" [Ed smiles, and suddenly looks somewhat cool.]

[The Eds and Nat are outside.]

Eddy: "Next, some cool moves." [he poses] "Jing!"

Ed: "Yeah, that's a good one!"

Eddy: "Try it!"

Ed: [imitating him] "Ha."

Eddy: "Not bad. Try this." [He does a knee slide.] "Cool."

Ed: [pulling the same move but landing on Eddy] "Cool!"

Eddy: [slipping out from under him] "Good work!" [He poses again.] "That's it." [He pulls another pose. Copying it, Ed bashes him on the head.] "Ow OW!"

Ed: [clutching his head to copy him] "AAAHH!"

Edd: [hyper, reappearing with a clipboard] "Bravo, Ed! I've compiled a list of supercool phrases–Oooh! That's a good one!" [He scribbles something down.] "–that you can use in any–Oh! I'm brilliant!" [He writes another note.] "–situation." [He hands Ed the sheet of paper.]

Eddy: "So far so good! You're ready for a test drive."

[The Eds and Nat are in the lane.]

Eddy: "Just stick to what we showed you, and you'll be cool."

Ed: "Yep. I mean–" [he checks Edd's notes] "I'm hip baby."

Eddy: "Make me proud, big guy!"

Nat: "Someone's coming!" [Jimmy can be heard approaching. Edd, Nat and Eddy hide in some trashcans.]

Jimmy: [to Ed, who is leaning against the fence whistling] "Hello, mister!"

Ed: "Swiggity swag, what's in the bag?"

Jimmy: [scared] "ED! Is-is Eddy here?"

Ed: [after glancing at his notes] "Just me, myself and I, or I don't fly!"

Jimmy: [giggling] "Come play with us, Ed!"

Ed: "Sounds like a plan, little man!"

Eddy: [peeking out] "Whoa! It worked!"

Edd: "Something actually worked!"

Nat: "Never doubted it."

Eddy: "Let's check it out." [They run off to check it out.]

[The kids are gathered further down the lane.]

Jimmy: [coming up to them] "Hey, guys! Recognize this big lug?" [He points to Ed.]

The Kids: "Huh?"

Jimmy: "It's Ed!"

The Kids: "Hey!"

Ed: "Peek-a-baloo, I see all, too."

Rolf: [feeling his jacket] "Ed, you look so suave."

Nazz: "I like your hair Ed."

Ed: "Don't smell it, just gel it."

Kevin: [cynical] "Just what are you up to?"

Ed: "5'9", give or take." [He plays with his earlobe. The kids all laugh. Kevin, sensing he's the odd man out, smiles and goes with the flow.]

Nazz: [leading him away] "C'mon, Ed, I'd love to hear more of those witty Ed-isms."

Rolf: [coming along] "Ya, tell me some too, Ed."

Sarah: "C'mon, Ed!"

Jimmy: [in their wake] "Tell me some too, Ed!"

Kevin: "Hang with us, Ed."

Eddy: [observing] "Wow, did you see that? They can't get enough of him!" [scheming] "Perfect."

[A sign, planted in a yard, reads "Meet Ed the Great! 25¢". Jonny walks by with Plank, humming a tune. They enter a shed. Eddy is just inside the door, shaking a jar full of coins.]

Jonny: "Hey Eddy are we late for the Ed show?"

Eddy: "Not if you pay 25 cents."

Jonny: [dropping a coin in the jar] "Here you go, Eddy."

[Eddy smiles but then realizes something's wrong.]

Eddy: "HOLD IT! Plank forgot to pay."

The Kids: [chanting] "Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!"

Rolf: [as the kids continue the chant] "Let me wait no longer!"

Ed: [peeking out from behind the stage curtain] "Hiya, folks!" [The kids cheer.] "Waggidy-doo! I'm too hot to use in a pot! Slick me back, cause I'm happening."

Edd: [happy] "Ed is a sellout!"

Nat: "They all love him."

Eddy: "We'll dig him for the encore."

[The door bursts open and the Kankers walk in.]

Lee: "We forgot our money."

Eddy: "Kankers." [Edd and Nat gasp, and the kids turn around.]

Ed: [still performing] "Yabba dabba crackers!"

Lee: [approaching the stage] "Ooh, Ed the Great." [getting in his face] "I'm waiting." [to a dumbstruck Ed] "Say something."

May: "Yeah, say something funny!"

Marie: "Funny and smart!"

[Ed can't think of anything, so he pulls out his page and looks at it.]

Ed: [scouring the page] "Um, okay. Um–"

May: [snatching the piece of paper] "Give me that! Yabba dabba? Hey, you're cheating!"

Marie: "I like cheaters!" [She spins him out of his jacket into one of the curtains.]

Ed: "Eddy?" [He pulls the curtain down on himself. The kids gasp.]

Edd: "Oh my."

Ed: "Who turned out the lights?" [Eddy slaps himself on the forehead. Ed stumbles into Lee, who pushes him away. Eddy, Nat and Edd both run to stop him.]

Eddy: "Ed! Look out!" [Ed falls down, and Edd, Nat and Eddy run into each other.] "Ed! You gotta show to do!" [He pulls a piece of the curtain off of Ed's head.]

Ed: "Hey Eddy."

Eddy: [desperate, he pushes Ed back to center stage] "Get back out there!" [Ed falls in the middle of the stage.]

May: "Let us help you up."

Marie: "Yeah, lets!" [They help him up and then rip his clothes off, effectively pantsing him. The Eds and Nat gasp, and then Lee pushes Ed back.]

Eddy: "Watch it!" [Ed runs into them, and they all fall into a wheelbarrow of manure. The barrow rolls forward, right in front of the kids.]

Sarah: "You all STINK!"

Rolf: [pinching his nose] "Yoy!"

[The kids exit quickly.]

Ed: [pulling at his undershirt] "Do you like my shirt?"

Lee: "Hey, Shakespeare. Great show. Worth every penny." [She jingles the jar of money.]

Eddy: "My money!" [The wheelbarrow tips over.] "Give it back!"

Lee: [exiting, her sisters in tow] "Have fun in the mud, you four little piggies!"

Eddy: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" [He runs after them.]

Lee: "Thanks again." [She pulls the door shut, and Eddy runs into it. He then slumps to the floor, beaten.]

[The Eds and Nat are outside the candy store. Ed is happy as ever, Edd is holding a block of ice to his head, Nat is slumping, and Eddy is grumpy.]

Eddy: "I don't believe it. All that money! All that fame! Gone."

Edd: "Would you please lower your voice? Those drinks left me with a very painful headache."

Nat: "Well there's always tomorrow."

Ed: "Hey guys?"

Eddy: [grumpy] "What is it Ed?"

Ed: "I say, the cheese is always twice the fence post!"

Eddy: "I wish I had a fence post, Ed."


	5. Sir Ed-a-Lot

[Jonny walks by Eddy, who is washing a cool-looking red car.]

Eddy: "Hey, Jonny boy!"

Jonny: "Hi, Eddy! Nice car!"

Rolf: [dropping by] "Hello, Eddy. May we shop for meat in your fancy car?"

Eddy: "Keep dreaming, Rolf."

[Kevin and Nazz approach.]

Eddy: [rolling the window down, sitting in the driver's seat] "Hi Nazz."

Nazz: "Wow Eddy! Cool car." [Eddy rolls the window back up.]

Kevin: [tapping on the window] "Hey dork. Whose car is this, you twerp?"

[Eddy, in the car, turns the radio up high. The subsequent noise drives Kevin and Nazz away.]

[Edd and Nat now stop by.]

Nat: "Hey Eddy. What're you doing?"

Eddy: "Just buffing the wheels."

Edd: "Whose car is this, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Beats me. Where's Ed?"

Edd: "I called his residence, but no answer."

Eddy: "Let's hunt him down!"

Nat: [as Eddy looks in his window] "Do you see him?"

Eddy: [entering Ed's room] "Nope."

Edd: "Perhaps we should check upstairs."

Eddy: "He's just hiding!" [He pulls out a seat cushion. Edd, giggling, points to an Ed shaped lump in the bed. Eddy comes up beside him.]

[Nat feels the lump]

Nat: "Guys, I don't think thats-"

Edd and Eddy: "Dogpile!"

[They jump on the lump only to bash their heads. They drop back. Edd pulls the sheet off to reveal a car bumper with a license plate reading "AKA 1."] 

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

[A sudden crash comes from upstairs.]

Eddy: "Let's check upstairs."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy come upstairs. Exiting the basement, they see Ed.]

Eddy: [to Edd] "And I thought you had problems."

[Ed is in a long, flowery dress and a summer hat.]

Ed: "Quick. Run away!" [his friends laugh] "Don't fool around! Run!"

Eddy: [taunting him] "Excuse me ma'am, can Ed come out and play?" [Sarah suddenly shoves Edd, Nat and Eddy apart.]

Sarah: "Hey! No one can join my tea party without dressing up!"

Eddy: "Forget it, Sarah."

Sarah: [to Ed, who doesn't want to get involved] "Tell your stupid friends it's my way or the highway!" [She sucks in a big breath of air and holds it.]

Eddy: "Good luck."

Ed: "Sarah, stop it."

Eddy: "Look, she's changing colors." [Sarah's face turns red]

Ed: [Sarah's face turns green then yellow] "Please Eddy, she's gonna blow up." [Sarah's face turns blue then purple]

Eddy: "Cut it out, Sarah."

Ed: "Eddy, just put on the dress!"

Eddy: "No way, Ed!"

Ed: "Aaaah! She's leaking, Eddy!" [tears ooze down her cheeks] "Sarah, don't blow up!"

Eddy: "All right, I'll wear the stinking–"

Sarah: [appearing with a dress] "Here you go."

Sarah: "I am the queen, and you are my servants. Now,–"

Ed: "Smashing hat, Eddy." [Eddy growls.]

Sarah: "As I was saying, I am the QUEEN!"

Ed: "And we are your serv-i-ants."

Eddy: [annoyed] "Next thing you know she's gonna want a throne!"

[Sarah is sitting on a throne. There is another one beside her.]

Eddy: [leaning back in his chair] "A toast to my big mouth!" [The doorbell rings and he topples over.]

Sarah: "Get the door!"

[Eddy goes to answer the door. He opens it to reveal Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "It is I, Prince Jimmy!" [Eddy slams the door.]

Sarah: "Who was it?"

Eddy: "The frog prince."

[Sarah growls as the doorbell rings again.]

Ed: "I'll get it, my queen." [he runs off] "Presenting the honorable Prince Jimmy."

Sarah: "Prince Jimmy has arrived!" [angry] "Let the games begin!"

Jimmy: "Oh, goodie!" [He claps.]

Edd: "Games?"

Nat: "Sure, why not."

Ed: [with a bit in his mouth] "I am a horse!"

Eddy: [also with a bit in his mouth] "You're a horse's–"

Sarah: [sitting on Eddy] "Hey. You better win."

[Sarah and Jimmy are sitting on Eddy and Ed, respectively, treating them as horses. Apparently a horse race is about to start. Edd comes up with a horn with Nat next to him]

Nat: "Ready, Set."

[Edd blows the horn]

Nat: "Go!"

[Sarah jabs Eddy in the side with her heels. He takes off.]

Ed: "Neigh!" [He follows.]

Jimmy: "Whoa!"

[The race leads them down two hallways. Jimmy passes Sarah on a straightaway.]

Sarah: "Huh? Go faster!"

[Ed runs over couches and leaps a chair. He then goes up some stairs. Jimmy, hanging on for his life, is slammed against the stairs.]

Sarah: [pulling Eddy's tongue] "Go faster now!" [pulling it again] "Faster faster!"

[Edd is standing by the finish line while Nat is holding a checkered flag.]

Ed: [straining] "Aah!"

Eddy: [in pain] "Ooow!"

Jimmy: [scared] "Eeenh!"

Sarah: [annoyed] "Grr."

[Ed and Eddy dive for the finish. Ed comes out ahead by half of his body.]

Edd: "Prince Jimmy has won!" 

[Nat brings the flag down.]

Sarah: "You lost horsie! Bad bad bad bad!"

Eddy: [fed up] "This stinks!" [He tries to leave.]

Sarah: "To the dungeon with him!"

Eddy: [as Jimmy giggles] "The dungeon, oh no! I'm sooo scared!" [Sarah pulls a rope, releasing a cage onto Eddy.]

Sarah: "Bye bye!"

Eddy: [trapped] "Ed, get me out! Ed? Nat? Double D?"

Sarah: "Bring me my fool!"

Ed: "Okay."

Eddy: "Spoiled brat."

Ed: "Please Eddy, play along." [He lifts the cage.] "Here's the fool!"

Eddy: "No way!" [Ed places a jester hat on Eddy's head.]

Ed: "Eddy's a great fool, huh Eddy?"

Eddy: "I said no!"

Sarah: "Bad babysitter! I'm telling Mom you left me all alone!"

Ed: "But I won't get paid." [He puts his head in his hands.]

Eddy: [eager] "Did you say paid? You're getting paid? I'm here for you, pal."

[Edd blows his horn.]

Jimmy: "This is fun!"

Eddy: "I just flew in from Peach Creek and boy,–"

Sarah: "Are you stupid."

Eddy: "Yeah, so why'd the chicken cross the road?"

Sarah: "To lay an egg, just like YOU ARE NOW!"

[Eddy stands still until he gets an idea. He pulls out a puppet of himself.]

Eddy: "Say, Eddo, what's a ghost's favorite lunchmeat?" [as Eddo] "Boo-loney!"

Sarah: [getting in his face] "YOU STINK!"

Eddy: [to Ed] "She has no taste! I used all my best stuff!"

Ed: "Don't give up now, Eddy!" [He throws Eddy back in.]

Sarah: "Well?"

[Eddy pulls out a top hat and fishes around in it. He finds what he's looking for and pulls out Edd. A tomato hits him in the face.]

Ed: [handing Eddy some items] "Here Eddy, juggle this stuff. I'll get more."

Eddy: "More?" [He tosses the stuff in the air and juggles it.]

Jimmy: "Ooh. Juggling!"

Sarah: "Boring."

Ed: "Here Eddy. Juggle this too!"

[Ed throws a table at Eddy. Eddy somehow manages to catch it and keep his rhythm. Ed then throws a chair at Eddy. This is followed in short order by another table and Edd. Ed then throws a cactus at Eddy.]

Ed: "AAH!"

Eddy: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

[The things Eddy was juggling fall down as Sarah laughs.]

Ed: "Oh no. Oh no." [He catches the chair and sets it in its rightful position.] "AAH!" [A table hits Eddy on the head. Ed rushes to catch a TV and a toaster.]

Eddy: "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" [A canoe lands on him, knocking the cactus off him. Ed catches an aquarium. Sarah continues to laugh.] "That's not–" [A fridge lands on him. Nat opens the door and Edd climbs out.]

Sarah: "That's more like it!" [She grabs a vase and raises it over her head.]

Ed: "Sarah! Don't throw stuff!" [The vase hits him on the head, but Eddy catches it before it can hit the ground. Sarah then throws a lamp. After Ed catches it, she begins to throw other things. These include the chairs that make up her throne.]

Eddy: "I got it!" [The stool lands on his head]

Edd: "I've got it." [He gets trapped in the deck chair]

Ed: [looking inside the chair] "Double D?"

Edd: "Hello." [The chair snaps shut on his hand. He yanks his arm back and hits Eddy on the head with the chair.]

Ed: "It wasn't me."

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [They leap off their thrones.]

Eddy: "Grab her!" [He leaps for her.]

Ed: "Eddy!" [He leaps on Eddy.] "There she goes!"

[Sarah goes to a table with a lamp on it. She throws the lamp and the table in the air.]

Ed: "Sarah!" [The lamp lands on Eddy's head, and the table lands on Ed's.]

Eddy: "GET HER NAT! DOUBLE D!"

Nat:" I'd rather not."

Edd: "Oh no I couldn–" [Sarah and Jimmy run by them.]

Sarah: [dangling a vase] "Hey Ed?" [She drops the vase.]

Ed: "Sarah!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "This is not good."

Eddy: "My money!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are bouncing on the couch. Sarah takes a picture off the wall and throws it. Jimmy follows suit with a vase. Eddy, trying to catch one, collides with Edd. Edd somehow manages to get the picture anyway, and Eddy grabs the vase inches above the floor.]

Sarah: [with a bowling ball] "Fore!" [She rolls it. Jimmy rides by on a vacuum cleaner.]

Jimmy: "Whee!" [Sarah yanks him off the cleaner.] "Aww."

Ed: "Sarah! No bowling in the house!" [He steps on the ball. He has to run to keep his balance on it. The vacuum cleaner then runs into him, knocking him away. The ball is sent towards Eddy, who steps on it and slips. His vase goes into the air.]

Nat: "Eddy! The vase!" [Standing on Eddy, she catches it.]

Eddy: "Get off me!" [At that moment, the vacuum runs into the four. They slam into the wall and fall down. The vacuum sucks up, in order, the bowling ball, Ed, Eddy, Edd and Nat. When Nat goes in, the vase falls and breaks. The vacuum then proceeds to suck up the broken vase. It attempts the picture as well, but the picture is too large for it and the vacuum cleaner explodes.]

[The room is utterly destroyed. The Eds and Nat get up in the midst of this mess.]

Eddy: "Wow. What a dump."

Ed: "We gotta stop them!"

Eddy: [considering] "Think Eddy, think. Bingo!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are having a pillow fight in her room.]

Jimmy: "Bad doggy."

[Edd blows his horn.]

Edd: "All hail the great King Eddy!" [Eddy is sitting on the rebuilt throne, with Ed and Nat beside him.]

Eddy: [as Ed crowns him] "Thanks, squire."

Sarah: [infuriated] "King? There is no king! I'm queen!"

Eddy: "Yeah right." [He pulls the rope, and the cage descends around Sarah.]

Jimmy: [frightened] "My queen! Aah!" [He runs and hides.]

Sarah: "I AM THE QUEEN!"

Eddy: "You're a squirt!"

Ed: "Oh no. Oh no." [He facepalms.] "My mom's gonna kill me. We gotta do something!"

Nat: "I have a suggestion."

[Nat takes a small paintbrush and paints something in white. Ed and Edd, beside her, use bigger paintbrushs to paint something in blue and red.]

Eddy: [entering] "How's it going? Ooh, nice work." [Ed, Nat and Edd giggle, pleased.] "It's perfect! [He accidently dips his hand into the paint on Ed's shirt, then wipes if off on Ed's face.] Let's set her up."

Ed: "Yeah, let's do it!"

[He drags it. It is a poorly drawn painting of Sarah, Jimmy, Ed, Edd, Nat and Eddy standing in the middle of the living room.]

Eddy: "There. All clean and fixed. Your mom will never know." [chuckles]


	6. A Pinch to Grow an Ed

[Eddy walks across his bedroom floor, shirtless. He then makes poses in front of his bedroom mirror, appearing and disappearing from it every few seconds. He puts on a shirt. Then he is jumping up and down in order to be visible to it. He then takes a chair over to his record player. He takes out a record and tries to put it on (while balancing on the chair), but he is not quite tall enough to reach the record player. One of his attempts sends the chair skittering out from under him, and he has to grab the cabinet on which the record player is perched to keep from falling. The vinyl he was trying to play falls to the floor and breaks into many pieces like glass.]

Eddy: [to the cabinet] "You're firewood."

[Next Eddy looks at a wall. On the wall are marks showing how much he has grown. Comically, his growth has been nonexistent from eight years old onwards. Annoyed by this, Eddy extends one of his hairs to its utmost length and marks this false extension as his height. He walks off, happy.]

[The kids are playing in the playground. Sarah and Jimmy, in particular, are playing with a baby carriage. Eddy comes up to them.]

Eddy: "Hey!"

Sarah: "Eddy, we need a new dolly. Wanna be our new dolly?"

Jimmy: "Yeah, dolly!"

[They both giggle. Eddy walks off, unhappy.]

Kevin: [coming up to him with Nazz] "Hey, squirt, where's the tall dorks?"

[Eddy walks on. He sees Rolf playing with a basketball.]

Eddy: "Hey, Rolf! Quick, pass it, c'mon Rolf, pass it!"

Rolf: "You are too little, Eddy, I might squish you."

[Eddy, grumpy, moves on.]

Eddy: "Yeah right."

[Ed and Nat are playing on the swing set while Edd pushes Nat on the swing. Nat jumps off and lands perfectly on the ground. Ed jumps as well, but reconsiders immediately.]

Ed: "Too high!" [He grabs the swing and holds it as he comes back to earth. The swing drags him through the dirt, making a trench.]

Eddy: "You call that a jump?"

Ed: "Eddy!"

Eddy: "Watch and learn." [He takes a running start at the swing. He jumps on it, letting it carry him higher, and then jumps, landing a ways away.]

Nat: "That was great Eddy!"

Edd: "Bravo, Eddy! You've broken another record!"

Eddy: "Chin-ups, anybody?"

Ed: "Me first!" [He rushes ahead of the other two Eds and Nat, jumps, and grabs a bar.]

Eddy: "Hey!"

[Nat also jumps and grabs a bar]

Edd: [grabbing one of the monkey bars as well] "C'mon, Eddy!"

[Eddy attempts to reach the bars, but his height won't allow it. Ed, Nat and Edd let go of the bars.]

Eddy: "Hey." [ Ed gives him a boost.] "I don't need your help, Ed."

Ed: [tickling him] "Oh yes you do."

Eddy: "Stop it!" [Nat tickles him.]

Nat: "Admit it Eddy."

Eddy: "Im serious!" [Edd tickles him.]

Edd: "A little boost for Eddy."

Eddy: "Knock it off!" [Both Eds and Nat tickle him. Eddy's grip on the bar weakens, and he falls into the dirt at its base.]

Ed: "You're too little, Eddy."

Eddy: [threatening to throttle Ed] "I'M. NOT. LITTLE!"

Nat: "Don't be ashamed Eddy."

Edd: "A lot of important people were short in stature."

Eddy: "I'M NOT SHORT!" [He walks off.]

Edd: "But I-I..." [He trails off. Ed, Nat and Edd look at each other and shrug. They then head off after Eddy.]

[Ed pats Eddy on the head.]

Eddy: "Stop it, Ed! We're the same height. So get over it, I am not short!"

Ed: "But we like you short."

[Eddy turns around and shoves Ed. Instead of knocking Ed back, he himself slides back a few feet.]

Eddy: "You think you're so tall."

[Eddy walks off, alone.]

[Eddy walks along a field of flowers, ripping some out and destroying them.]

Eddy: "I'm not short. I'm just fine. I'm perfect!"

Lee: [suddenly appearing] "Hi, little Eddy."

May: "He's so cute."

[The Kankers proceed to physically harass him, putting their hands all over his face.]

Marie: "Look at that baby face."

Lee: "He's such a little brat."

Eddy: "I'm not little! Got it?" [He tries to walk away, but May blocks him.]

May: "Not so fast, pipsqueak."

[Eddy moves in the other direction.]

Marie: "Hold it, stubby."

[Eddy moves to the center of the circle of Kankers.]

Lee: "Where ya goin, shrimp?" [The sisters cackle evilly.]

May: "Let's kiss him!" [Her sisters sigh in agreement.]

[Eddy looks desperately for a way out. He finds one by plowing through the flowers.]

[Ed, Nat and Edd are in the lane, searching for Eddy.]

Edd: "Eddy? Eddy?"

Nat: "Where are you Eddy?"

Ed: "Eddy? Oh, Eddy?"

[Eddy walks through a space where a couple of fenceposts are missing. Ed, Nat and Edd spot him.]

Ed: "Hey! Wait up, Eddy!" [Eddy continues walking.] "Eddy!"

[Eddy goes into his room and shuts the door in order to brood.]

[Nat softly knocks on the door]

Nat: "Eddy?"

Eddy: "No tall people allowed."

Ed: "We can help you be tall."

Edd: "Eddy?"

Eddy: [peeking out] "You can?"

[Eddy is being stretched out.]

Ed: "Look, Eddy's so tall!" [Eddy is holding on to a tree while Ed pulls on his legs. Nat is looking unsure as Edd is making calculations.]

Sarah: "Ed!" [Ed releases Eddy.] "What're you doing?"

Ed: "Making Eddy tall."

Sarah: "I'm telling Mom."

Jimmy: "I wanna be tall."

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [Jimmy runs after her.]

Ed: "Let's try plan B!"

[Eddy is sitting on a stump while Nat watches Edd drafts plans. Ed comes up with a package.]

Ed: "Plan B!" [Eddy stands up.] "Say Aah." [Eddy opens his mouth.] "Wider!"

Eddy: [opening his mouth wider] "Aah!"

Ed: "Eat this." [He stuffs the package in Eddy's mouth. Eddy swallows it. Ed then pulls the cord on the package, and Eddy bulges.]

Edd: "Well, he's certainly wider." [Ed hugs Eddy, making him taller.] 

Nat: "Eddy! You're tall!"

[Eddy shoots out of Ed's arms. He hits a tree, a fence, and the ground before finally running out of momentum.]

Edd: "No time for rest, Eddy. The plans are complete. To my garage!"

[Eddy is outside the garage, trying to find out what's going on inside. On the inside, Ed, Nat and Edd are readying themselves for intense experimentation. Outside, Eddy tries to look in through the window but fails, because of his height.]

Edd: "Saw." [Nat hands the saw over, and Edd uses it.] "Heat." [Nat hands over a welder.]

[Eddy, on the outside, is tapping his foot. The door opens slightly, and Eddy rushes in.]

Ed: [putting him back outside] "It's not done yet, Eddy."

[Eddy groans in frustration.]

[Inside, Edd uses various hoses on the product. He then spits on two brushes and uses them to shine the invention.]

Edd: "Okay, Ed, they're ready! Let him in."

[Ed opens the garage door, and Eddy leaps in.]

Eddy: "So?"

Edd: "Behold! Walking braces." [The braces in question are two boots on top of accordion-like platforms.] "You will become like a giant among the low-set."

Eddy: [pushing them away] "Do I look like a clown?" [when Ed picks him up] "Hey!"

Ed: "C'mon Eddy, try them on!"

Eddy: "Put me down! I don't wanna put on your stupid boots!"

Nat: "But Eddy, they'll make you taller."

Eddy: "Taller?" [He lets Ed put the boots on him.]

Edd: [holding a one-button remote] "This remote control, when pressed, activates the shoes–"

Eddy: [snatching the remote] "Gimme that!" [He presses the button and holds it. The shoes raise him up a few inches.] "Nice boots, Mr. Inventor Smarty-PaAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

[The accordion platforms shoot upwards, ramming Eddy through the ceiling. Eddy comes down a few seconds later, dazed.]

Eddy: [confused] "Nice pants, Mr. Smarty-Boots, nice..."

Edd: "Careful Eddy, that button is very sensitive."

Eddy: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever." [He presses the button, and starts walking forward. With each step, he gets taller.]

Nat: "Wow, Eddy!"

Eddy: "C'mon, boys!"

[The Eds and Nat exit the garage.]

[The Eds and Nat are by the playground.]

Eddy: [seeing Sarah and Jimmy] "Hello, dollies."

Jimmy: [scared] "Eeee! Aaah!" [He drops the dolls, and Eddy steps on them.]

Eddy: "Hey! Playing with dolls is fun!"

Sarah: "You big ape!"

Eddy: "Big! And don't you forget it."

[Kevin and Nazz are on the sidewalk, grooving to the radio. Eddy approaches them.]

Eddy: "Hey Nazz."

Nazz: "You're looking tall!"

Eddy: "Tall. I like the sound of that!"

Kevin: [indicating the shoes] "What are those supposed to be?"

Eddy: "Just the latest footwear. Check 'em out!"

[Eddy puts a shoe on Kevin's head and presses the button. The shoe presses Kevin's face into the ground. Eddy laughs evilly.]

[Rolf is still playing basketball. He raises the ball over his head and slams it onto the ground. The opposite force sends it into the air. When it comes down again, Rolf heads it into the basket. Eddy catches it after it falls through.]

Rolf: "5 Oh, in a row."

Eddy: "Betcha can't do that again."

Rolf: "Ya. I'll make you believe, small fry."

Eddy: "Do it."

[Rolf again heads the ball. This time, however, Eddy rises up and catches the ball in mid-air.]

Eddy: "Nice try, Rolfy." [He takes the ball and stuffs it in Rolf's mouth.] "I love being tall. Maybe now I'll get some respect around here."

Lee: [making a sudden appearance with her two sisters] "If it ain't Tater Tot."

May: "And his two corncobs."

Eddy: [quietly, to his friends] "Stand back, boys and girl." [He marches up to the Kankers and presses the button, raising himself up about 10 feet.] "Are YOU talking to ME?"

[The Kankers giggle.]

May: "Sure are."

Marie: [pointing at the shoe supports] "Would you look at them. He's got himself a pair of big shoes!" [The Kankers laugh.] "Like a circus clown!"

Lee: "What's this?" [She grabs the remote.]

Eddy: "Hey!"

Lee: "Let's see what this does!" [Lee presses the button, and Eddy comes down to earth.]

Eddy: "No!"

[Lee then pushes the button three times quickly, and Eddy shoots into the sky.]

Nat: [looking up] "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear. They're not meant to go that high."

[The button is pushed again, and Eddy comes down. He lifts one leg. The button is pressed, and the shoe takes a sizable chunk out of the fence near Edd, Nat and Ed. It then retracts. Ed goes to look through the hole, and the other shoe knocks him through it. He climbs out and stands in front of the hole. Predictably, he is kicked through again. The shoe rebounds and hits Eddy in the face. It then becomes perfectly plain that Eddy has no control, as the shoes push and pull at him in various painful ways.]

Marie: "Gimme that!" [She snatches the remote and pushes the button repeatedly.]

May: "My turn!" [May presses the button until the remote breaks in a puff of smoke.]

[Eddy's shoes begin to quiver. He then shoots to a great height. He stays there for a few minutes, but the supports give out, sending him back down again.]

Eddy: "AAAAAAAAHHH!" [He hits the ground to the sound of a discordant, crashing piano chord.]

[Ed walks over to a hole in the ground.]

Ed: "Cool. Hi Eddy!" [He slips and falls into the hole.]

Edd and Nat: "Ed?"

[The Elevator Boots expand tremendously, lifting the Eds and Nat incredibly high.]

The Eds and Nat: "AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

[The Eds and Nat end up in space. They are suspended only by Eddy's boots, which are tilting back and forth.]

Lee: [kicking through the struts, destroying them] "Timber!"

Eddy: "Uh oh."

Ed: "Aah!"

The Eds and Nat: [falling] "WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" [Sarah and Jimmy are playing with the carriage.] "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Eddy: "NOOOO!"

[Sarah and Jimmy scatter. Ed, Nat and Edd land beside the carriage, creating a hole of their own. Eddy suffers a much worse fate, landing INSIDE the carriage. When Ed, Nat and Edd go to look for him, they see him sucking on a bottle, decked out like a baby.]

Ed: "Aw, look! Coochilly coo!" [Eddy looks at him, unimpressed. Edd, Nat and Ed run away with the carriage.] "Cute little fella. You know, Nat, he's got your eyes."


	7. Dawn of the Eds

[Eddy is fiddling with a rope and Ed.]

Eddy: "Ed? Ed?" [exasperated] "Will you quit moving around?" [sweetly] "Oh, Ed."

Ed: "Yes, Eddy?"

Eddy: [twanging Ed's nose] "STAND STILL!"

[The rope gets tied around Ed. The other end goes around a tree limb. Edd approaches Ed with plastic wrap.]

Edd: "This will protect you from any disgusting or unsavory life forms you may encounter." [He wraps Ed from head to toe in the plastic wrap.]

Ed: "Cool." [A snorkel is shoved in his mouth.] "Cool!"

Eddy: "Okay Nat, Double D, let's pull!" [The sounds of them straining are heard, and Ed begins to lift off the ground.] "PULL!"

Edd: [straining] "Ed weighs a ton."

Nat: "Just a little higher."

Eddy: "I'm getting a hernia. Hey, Ed! How's it look?"

Ed: [unintelligible] "Mur murr, grr growf."

[Eddy leaves and studies the angles. Ed signals that he's in position.]

Ed: [unintelligible] "I'm okay. I'm okay."

Eddy: [coaching Edd and Nat, although no longer helping] "A little lower...c'mon, Nat, Double D. Easy now. Lower..." [Edd and Nat's strength gives out and Ed drops into the dumpster.] "Perfect!"

[Ed is seen swimming through the muck of garbage.]

Eddy: "Think of the treasure, Nat, Double D! Hmm?" [pausing] "I wonder how long he can stay down there?"

Nat: "Im not sure."

Edd: "Well, according to the Particle Ratio of–" [The line goes taught, smashing Edd and Nat against the tree limb.]

Eddy: "That's the signal!" [He grabs Edd and Nat's legs and pulls on them, pulling Ed out of the dumpster.]

Edd: "Hey!"

Nat: "Careful!"

Eddy: [guiding the rope] "Bring him over...easy now..." [to Ed] "Any luck, burrhead?"

Ed: [hard to understand] "Oh, yeah!" [He holds up 7 soda bottles and a test tube on his fingers.]

Eddy: "YES!" [he releases the rope]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Woohoo we're rich! Poised for jawbreakers! All right!" [Ed lands on them, interrupting their celebration.]

Ed: [still unintelligible] "Woohoo! Now we can buy jawbreakers!"

[Ed walks down the Lane, still plastic-wrapped. Edd, Nat and Eddy follow in his wake.]

Eddy: "We'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks."

Edd: "Actually Eddy, with current exchange rates, maybe an afternoon's worth."

Eddy: [not wanting to admit Edd's right] "Ah, you don't know what you're talking about. Whaddya think, Ed?" [notices Ed isn't with them] "Ed? Ed?"

[Ed has fallen behind, and is staring at a poster taped to the fence.]

Eddy: "ED?" [he runs up] "Ed. Hey!" [He snaps his fingers, breaking Ed of his trance.] "What's clogged up your brain, Ed?"

Ed: "That. See?" [He points to the poster, which is advertising a movie.] "Robot Rebel Ranch!" [reading the ad] "Marooned on a distant planet. Visitors in the void. No escape." [He sees a small box in the lower right corner reading "Adults Only."] "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" [he covers it up] "It's not fair!" [he slumps against the fence] "If only I were older."

Nat: [comforting him] "It's ok Ed."

Edd: "Don't worry, Ed. We'll see it on TV in a year."

Ed: "Yeah, with all the good stuff cut out."

Eddy: "Don't sweat it, guys and girl. Where there's a will, there's a scam. The first thing we do is we cash in these babies for ticket money." [shaking Ed's hand, jingling the bottles] "ONWARDS, SPACE MONKEYS!"

[The Eds and Nat are balanced on a bike, speeding towards the theatre.]

Ed: "Whoa. This is the coolest movie."

Eddy: "Since I'm the most mature looking, I'll go in first. Nat can be my wife."

Nat: [making a revolted face] "I'd rather not."

Ed: "Tell you that the story begins–" [images form in his mind] "–with four space outlaws, who crash-land on a robot planet."

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "Amazing!"

Ed: "Shock-O-Rama."

Eddy: "R-rated."

Ed: [letting go of the handlebars] "And they have to fight off the robots, but, they also must try to escape back to earth, or the robots will grind their bones to bits." [The bike goes off a small cliff.] "When the four space outlaws lose control of their ship, and hurtle into a field of asteroids–" [A wrecking ball goes by, almost hitting them. None of the Eds or Nat notice.] "–that almost crush them into space dust. They're sucked–" [The bike enters a pipe. The Eds and Nat are still oblivious.] "–into a dimensional time portal that transports them to the robot planet."

[The pipe ends, and the Eds and Nat fall to earth. They land in a strange landscape full of trash.]

Ed: [continuing his monologue] "The heroes find their ship destroyed." [a shot of the broken bike is shown] "They're marooned on the robot planet."

Eddy: "Hey look!"

Ed: "Whoa!"

[Over their heads, a car is lifted up by a crane with a magnet on the end. The magnet releases the car right in front of the Eds and Nat.]

The Eds and Nat: "Cool." [machinery begins demolishing the car] "Not cool! Not cool!"

[A shot of a pink Cadillac, sitting on top of a garbage heap, is shown. Then to the hood of the car. Ed, Nat and Edd are seen peering out from the passenger seat, ready to hide instantly. Eddy is cowering behind the steering wheel.]

Eddy: "We gotta get out of here!"

Edd: "I have an idea." [He pulls a spring out of the upholstery and fashions it into a makeshift headset. He then tries to dial in a station on the radio.] "Come in Earth. Come in Earth." [agitated] "Come in Earth repeat come in Earth!" [not receiving a reply] "No response. THERE'S NO RESPONSE!"

Nat: [looking worried] "Oh no!"

Eddy: "Are you saying... WE'RE STRANDED?" [he shakes Edd]

Ed: [remembering the movie's setup] "Then, there's not much time, before the cold robot planet nights squeeze the life out of us." [standing up, making a proclamation] "WE MUST FIND SHELTER!"

[The word "Shelter" echoes as the camera pans out to show the utter desolation of the scrapyard.]

[Ed runs through a section of the junkyard.]

Ed: [signaling to his friends] "C'mon! C'mon! Not much farther now."

Eddy: [weary] "You said that an hour ago, Ed."

Nat: [also weary] "We're getting tired."

Edd: "What are we looking for again?"

Ed: "A cave! The first thing the space outlaws find is a cave, to protect them from–"

Eddy: "Yeah, yeah." [pretending to be scared] "The frozen robot planet nights." [speaking normally] "We're never gonna find–huh?" [His eyes alight on a van.] "Hey!"

The Eds and Nat: [scurrying over to the van] "Cool."

[Eddy opens the doors on the back and jumps in. The other two Eds and Nat look in to see him lounging on a waterbed.]

Ed: "Cool."

Eddy: "Hey guys, c'mon in! Enjoy the genuine shag carpeting, and the waterbed!"

[Eddy goes up to the front, and blows the horn. "La Cucaracha" plays.]

Eddy: "Boys and girl, welcome to central command."

[Ed, Nat and Edd heave sighs of relief.]

[The Eds and Nat are racing through the graveyard, wearing weird armor.]

Edd: "Prepare for your eminent capture, Eddy!"

Nat: "We're comin for ya!"

Ed: "Yeah!"

Eddy: "You'll never take me!" [He leaps behind a trash heap. Neither Ed, Nat or Edd see this, and they look for him.]

Ed: "Where did he go? Where did he go?"

Eddy: [leaping out] "Prepare to meet your doom!" [He pulls out a pair of fuzzy dice and uses them like nunchucks.]

[Ed, Nat and Edd watch as he plays with them. Then, simultaneously, they pull out ray guns.]

Eddy: "AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

[The Eds and Nat pretend to shoot at each other, making "bing" noises. Eddy throws his dice at Ed.]

Eddy: [pointing at Edd] "HA! Missed me! You lose! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

[Nat pretends to shoot Eddy]

Eddy: "Hey!"

[Nat giggles along with Edd]

Ed: [on top of a trash mountain] "Hey guys and girl, come up here."

[They see Kevin and the Kankers. Kevin is tied to a tire, and the Kankers seem to be taunting him.]

May: [jovial] "Let's spin him again! Lee!"

Kevin: [bored] "Get away from me."

Lee: "Tell us. For 200, what color's your underwear." [She spins the tire.]

Kevin: [spinning] "Thiiiiissss iiiiissssss ssssstttttuuuuupppiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddd!"

The Kankers: "EEH! WRONG!" [They laugh until Lee puts her foot out and stops the wheel. Kevin is left hanging upside down.]

Kevin: [muttering] "Dumb girls... what color is my–sheesh."

The Kankers: "Oh Kevin!" [Lee looks as though she's about to kiss him.]

Ed: "Stay back! Hideous, life-sucking aliens have captured a fellow space outlaw! Which of the three brave explorers would take the risk to save him? I WILL SAVE HIM! FULL SPEED AHEAD!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "STOP ED!" [They lose their balance and tumble down the hill.]

May: "My turn!"

Ed: [rushing down the mountain] "Release him, evil space mutants!"

The Kankers: [surprised by Ed's appearance] "What is that?"

Ed: [running towards them] "YOW!"

Marie: [as Ed heads for them] "Run for it, girls!"

Ed: "Do not panic, fellow space outlaw! I have come to rescue you."

Kevin: "Just get me down, you–" [Ed unties him, and he falls to the ground.] "Goo." [standing up, sarcastically] "What are you supposed to be?"

Ed: "Uh–I–I am a fearless space outlaw!"

Kevin: "Yeah, right. Space DORK!"

Ed: [confused] "Dork?" [Edd, Nat and Eddy finish their tumble and run into him.]

Eddy: [in a pile of garbage with the other two Eds and Nat] "Did you save our fellow space outlaw?"

Ed: "Yes, he was most grateful."

[A sudden roaring sound is heard, petrifying the three Eds and Nat.]

Edd: "What?"

Eddy: "Huh? What was that?"

Ed: "Robot bounty hunters."

[Ed is looking through a tin can with both lids cut off, using it as a telescope which leaves him with black mark on his eye. A noise startles him.]

Ed: "Huh?"

[Another roar is heard. He darts from trash pile to trash pile before rushing out.]

Ed: "Prepare to be terminated, solar scum! Yow!"

[Ed comes upon something. Only it's shadow, however. It seems to be vaguely human in shape, and it is very large, judging by the shadow's length. There is a close-up of Ed's frightened face, and then only his eye, before it goes white.]

[Eddy is pacing back and forth, worried, when he hears a scream in the distance.]

Ed: "NAAAA!"

Eddy: "Ed? Hmm." [He becomes more worried. Edd works on some sort of rocket while Nat watches.]

Ed: [screaming again] "WAYOO!"

Eddy: "Nat, Double D! Did you hear that? They're closer now." [pointing to the rocket] "Hey! Is this thing ready yet?"

Edd: "Well, actually Eddy, since it's just a prototype, and still in need of–" [Eddy gets in] "Eddy!"

Eddy: "There's only one seat in this thing. Why'd ya just put in one seat, Double D?"

Edd: "Well I told you. This is the prototype. When this is properly tested, then I'll build the real one."

Eddy: "Yeah whatever. Let's go, Double D. Liftoff!"

Edd: "But Eddy, I still need to–"

Eddy: "Double D, FIRE THE ROCKET!"

Nat: "Eddy please listen to him."

Eddy: "FIRE THE ROCKET NOW!"

[Nat and Edd look at each other then shrug]

Edd: "Fine. But you better wear this." [He puts a colander on Eddy's head.]

[Edd gets the rocket ready. Apparently the pressure is added through a foot pump.]

Eddy: "Oh yeah."

Nat: [sighing] "3. 2. 1. Ignition!"

[Edd fires the rocket]

Eddy: [as the rocket heads up into the sky] "YEEEEE–HAAAAAAAWWW!" [The rocket disintegrates around him, and he's left sitting in a chair in midair.] "WAAAAAAAA!"

Edd: [calmly] "Oh, better test the parachute." [the parachute opens] 

Nat: "Well, at least that worked." 

[Edd tosses the parachute remote to the ground, and the button is pressed. The parachute subsequently detaches from the chair, sending Eddy plummeting to Earth again.]

Eddy: "WAAAAAAA!" [he lands on Edd] "Hey Double D, the rocket needs work."

[Nat facepalms]

Edd: [exasperated] "IT'S A PROTOTYPE!!!"

[Ed rushes up.]

Ed: "The robots are coming! The robots are coming!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Huh?"

[They turn to see two giant robots appear out of nowhere. The four run away screaming.]

[The Eds are hiding in the van.]

Ed: [describing the scene] "The planet seemed eerily calm, as the approach of the robot bounty hunters was awaited fearlessly by the three brave outlaws." [Edd, Nat and Eddy huddle beside him, quivering in fear.]

Eddy: "Is Ed for real?"

Ed: [Shushing him, he looks out again to see the robots.] "They approach."

[Ed peeps out. He holds three fingers in front of Edd, Nat and Eddy. He then lowers one, signaling two. The countdown reaches one, and then Ed gives the command.]

Ed: "ATTACK!"

[The Eds and Nat fire their guns as Eddy throws grenades. Miraculously, this seems to work.]

Ed: [shouting descriptions] "Vaporizing thermal grenades! Quasic terra lasers! Sub-atomic blasters!" [The robots are shown taking damage.] "HIT EM HARD!"

[It shifts from the Eds and Nat's point of view to show that the robots are in fact Jimmy and Sarah, and that the Eds and Nat are throwing tin cans at the duo.]

Sarah: "ED!"

[The Eds and Nat pause, and one last can hits Jimmy.]

Sarah: [marching up to them] "What the heck are you guys DOING?"

Ed, Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Uh...nothing?"

Sarah: [grabbing Ed's jacket] "You have to come home, Ed. It's time for dinner." [to Jimmy] "C'mon, Jimmy." [Jimmy stands up, two lumps on his head. He follows Sarah as fast as he can.]

Eddy: "Yeah, dinner sounds good. I'm hungry."

Ed: [still standing by the vehicle] "Only one was left alive after the horrible battle. Wounded and stranded, would he ever get off the robot planet? Would he ever get home?" [Edd, Nat and Eddy are waiting impatiently for him to finish.] "Would he–" [Eddy grabs him and drags him away] "Oh no! Betrayed by his own comrades!"

Eddy: "Ed, shut up."


	8. Virt-Ed-Go

Eddy: [fishing for something in a sewer grate] "I got it! I got it! I got it!"

The Eds and Nat: "Awww."

Nat: "Try again."

Edd: "Be patient, Eddy."

Eddy: "Okay."

[Eddy has a piece of bubble gum on the end of some string. He is fishing for a quarter at the bottom of the hole.]

Eddy: [catching the quarter with the gum] "Bingo!"

Ed: "Commence lift!"

Edd: "Careful."

Nat: "Please don't drop it."

Eddy: "Okay, okay!"

Ed: [worried] "Aw, it's falling off, Eddy!"

Eddy: "I got it! I got it!" [He pulls it out of the sewer.]

Nat: "Careful."

Edd: "Slowly..."

Eddy: [pulling it off the string] "Hey!" [He flips it in the air and catches it.] "Who's the man with the plan?"

Ed, Nat and Edd: "Eddy!"

Eddy: "You got that right." [He holds up the quarter in triumph, and a bird grabs his quarter out of his hand.] "Hey! My money!"

Ed: "That bird just stole my gum! Hey!" [He runs off to look for it.]

Eddy: [falling to his knees] "When does this torment stop? It was in the palm of my hand! Who invented birds anyway?" [Nat looks up as Edd pulls out a telescope and looks through it.] "What good are they?"

Ed: "I lost the bird. Look! That plane's got a cape!"

[Nat turns to look]

Edd: [turns to look, and the telescope hits Ed on the back of the head] "Where?"

Ed: "Who's there?"

Eddy: [walking up to them] "It's towing a sign."

Ed: "What's it say?"

Edd: "It states, 'It's hip!! It's now!! Come to Joe's Clubhouse!'"

Ed, Nat and Eddy: "Huh?"

Eddy: [with an idea] "Guys! What if we had a clubhouse?"

Edd: "With clean sheets!"

Nat: "And windows!"

Ed: "And a roof!"

[The Eds and Nat are in a backyard.]

Eddy: "This is a perfect spot, huh guys?"

Kevin: [from a window] "Hey dorks! Get out of my backyard!"

Ed: "Weird. Kevin already has a clubhouse here."

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."

[The Eds and Nat are in a trash heap.]

Eddy: "Check it out! This is a killer location!"

Nat: "But it's soo dirty!"

Edd: "It's much too unsanitary, Eddy!" [He looks at Ed.] "What's happening to Ed?"

[Seagulls are attacking Ed. He's doing his best to fight them off.]

Ed: "Hey guys-ow-help-ow-they're trying to-ow-get my creampuff-ow-here- Eddy- catch!" [He flings the pastry at Eddy. It hits him in the face and cream splatters on him, Nat and Edd.]

Eddy: [sarcastic] "Good shot, Ed." [Ed runs towards them.] "Huh?" [He sees the seagulls following Ed.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear."

Edd, Nat and Eddy: [running away from the seagulls] "Ow ow ow! Ow! Ow ow!"

[Then a mailbox.]

Edd: "It seems rather small." [Edd opens the mail slot and takes a deep breath of the outside air.] "And the lack of oxygen is rather disturbing."

Nat: "Can't breathe."

Ed: [receiving a phone call] "Hey guys, I may have already won ten thousand dollars!"

[The Eds and Nat are loping down the street.]

Eddy: [distressed] "I tell you Double D, we gotta find a location. Without one, it's hopeless!" [Edd stops walking.] "Double D. Double D?" [He looks back to see Edd staring at something, transfixed.]

Edd: [pointing] "There." [He grins widely.]

Nat: "I see."

Ed: "Oh."

Eddy: "What?"

[Edd is staring at a tall, strong tree. The branches at the top seem to be placed to build a treehouse.]

The Eds and Nat: "Cool." [Ed, Nat and Edd run for it, but Eddy pulls them back.]

Eddy: "Wait. We have to inspect it first. Double D, come with me." [He walks over them on the way to the tree.]

[Eddy begins his inspection. This involves walking around the tree, and looking at it from different angles. Ed's part is more straightforward; he just goes up to the tree and slams his head against it.]

Ed: "It's a funny tree." [A bird's nest falls onto his head. A bird, with a quarter in its mouth, rises out of it.]

Nat: [examining the tree] "The tree is nice and strong, so it won't fall when we build it!"

Edd: [inspecting the tree] "Hmm." [examining the leaves] "Leaf foliage seems healthy." [He sniffs the tree.] "This tree is perfect! This is our new clubhouse!"

Ed: [hugging the tree] "Our own clubhouse! This will be so cool. Where's the door, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Hey birdbrain, that's a tree? We still need to build the clubhouse." [noticing Ed's bird] "That's the bird that took my quarter!" [the bird flies away] "I hate birds."

Ed: "It's okay, Eddy. We got a tree!"

[A variety of power tools are laid out at the base of the tree.]

Eddy: "Our parents will never know they're missing. Anybody know how to use these?"

[Ed picks up a jackhammer and turns it on. Edd and Nat laugh until they sees Eddy hitting the tree with a hammer.]

Nat: "Don't hurt the tree please!"

Edd: "Eddy, stop! Trees have feelings! What are you doing?"

Eddy: [nonchalant] "Building a clubhouse." [He tosses the hammer in the air. It comes down and hits him on the helmet.]

Edd: "We need lumber, Eddy, before we can–"

Eddy: [a bit dazed] "Hey Nat, Double D, we need to find wood. Start looking."

Edd: "Precisely." [They look for wood.]

Ed: [riding the jackhammer] "Yip Yip Ya-Doo!"

Eddy: "Where does wood grow?" [Jonny and Plank appear behind him.]

Jonny: "Hello, Eddy."

Eddy: "Not now, Jonny, I'm thinking."

Jonny: [tapping Eddy with Plank] "About the tree?"

Eddy: "Cut it out, Plank." [He tosses Plank away. As Jonny screams] "Plank! Wood!"

[Plank comes down on Ed's head. Plank knocks Ed off of the jackhammer.]

Ed: "Who's there?" [Jonny and Eddy race to get to Plank. Eddy reaches Plank first.]

Eddy: [holding up Plank] "Plank would make a great clubhouse."

Nat: "I don't think that's enough."

Edd: "Eddy, we would require much more lumber–"

Eddy: "Details details." [turning to Jonny] "What do you think, Jonny boy?"

Jonny: [sweating] "No! Give him back!"

Eddy: "Know where we could find more wood, Jonny boy?"

Jonny: "Plank knows! He sees things."

Plank:

[Jonny leads them to a trash can. He points at it.]

Jonny: "There!"

[Eddy plucks out a popsicle stick.]

Eddy: "A dirty popsicle stick?"

Ed: [grabbing it] "Got it, Eddy!"

Eddy: [marching up to Jonny] "We need large pieces of wood, Jonny. Tell Plank to quit fooling around."

Jonny: "Okay okay! He says, follow him!"

[Ed fishes a large piece of wood out of some mud.]

Eddy: "That's perfect! Hold it there, Ed."

[There is a huge tower of wood on top of Ed's original piece. Ed's arms are quaking from the strain.]

Eddy: "Okay Ed, to the tree!"

Ed: [grunting] "I can't move."

Edd: "Not a problem, Ed." [He grabs a winch and uses it to raise Ed off the ground. Eddy then knocks the winch out of the way and places a skateboard beneath Ed. He pushes Ed, and Ed goes down the street.]

Eddy: "Giddyup!"

Ed: "AAAAAHHH!" [He ends up at the base of the tree.]

Eddy: "Let's go see."

[Ed, who was struggling to keep his balance, falls. The tower lands on top of him. He then crawls out from under the pile.]

Ed: "The maple has landed!"

Eddy: [after sharing a laugh with Nat and Edd] "I don't get it. What are you doing, Double D?" [Edd is drawing out plans.]

Edd: "I'm finishing the design on our new clubhouse."

Nat: "It looks great."

Eddy: "Oh, let me see." [He looks at the plans.] "Okay Ed, up that tree." [Ed looks at the tree in fear.] "Up you go." [Ed turns back to them, horrified.]

[Ed is shimmying his way up the tree's trunk.]

Ed: "I'm scared, Eddy." [He is only inches off the ground.]

Edd: "No problem, Ed. Nat? Eddy?" [He whispers something in Nat and Eddy's ear.]

[Ed is seen with a rope tied around him. The other end is higher up the tree, attached to a winch.]

Ed: "Huh?"

Eddy: "Start cranking, Double D!" [as Ed barely moves] "Harder, Double D!"

Edd: [straining] "I need help."

Nat: "I'll help you Double D."

[She joins Edd at the crank. They both strain. Ed, however, is clutching at the ground. The tree bends almost double, until finally the Earth releases Ed's clump of ground.]

Eddy: "Good work, Nat! Double D! Good foundation!"

[Ed and his clump of dirt are at the top of the tree. Ironically, the clump is nestled in the branches with him, providing a better foundation for the clubhouse.]

Nat: "Do you think it will hold?"

Edd: "I have doubts about its structural integrity."

[On cue, the mound crumbles. It gives way and Ed falls to the ground. The resulting release of energy shoots into the crank, which spirals Edd, Nat and Eddy before releasing them into the sky. The whole system breaks.]

[When the dust clears, Edd, Nat and Eddy are standing beside a mechanical crank.]

Eddy: "Double D, you're a whiz." [as the crank lifts Ed] "Let's start building."

[The Eds and Nat are on top of a large piece of wood–the floor of the building.]

Eddy: "Looking good! Having fun, Ed?"

Ed: "Sure am, Eddy."

Eddy: [noticing that Ed's close to the edge of the platform] "Watch your step, big fella."

Ed: "Sure am, Eddy." [He takes another step and falls off the edge of the building.]

Eddy: [peering down] "Warm up the winch, Double D."

Eddy: [putting a helmet on Ed's head as he goes up] "Put this on, it'll protect your head. From what I don't know."

[On the platform, Edd is ready to begin drilling. Ed is holding a piece of wood in place.]

Edd: "Hold that tight, Ed!"

[He starts the drill. It goes into the center of the board. It spins round and round, whirling Ed's hands and arms into a spiral. Edd comes around and looks at Ed. Ed's arms then work like propellers and spin him backwards, over the edge.]

[Ed is seen going up again, and then hammering a nail in. His helmet is now on his butt.]

Eddy: "Ed, why is your helmet tied to your butt?"

Ed: "For protection."

Eddy: [trying to pull it off] "It's meant for your head."

Ed: "It's my butt."

Eddy: [using a crowbar] "It's not safe!"

Ed: "Eddy! STOP!"

Eddy: "It's not meant–" [The rope holding it on breaks. Both Ed and Eddy tumble off the edge.]

[Ed and Eddy are seen going up together. On the platform, Ed tries to drive a nail into a board. He knocks the nail in and knocks it up. Edd, Nat and Eddy are on the other end, and this shoots them up. They land on the board Ed is on, and this catapults him up and over the edge.]

Ed: [lying on the ground] "Yoo hoo!"

[Ed is going up on the winch yet again. On the platform, Eddy is painting a wall; they have apparently managed to erect a clubhouse.]

Eddy: "Painting's fun!"

Nat: "I agree!"

Edd: "Yes, very liberating."

Eddy: "How ya doin', Ed?"

Ed: "Liberated!" [Ed is tied to a tree limb so he won't fall off.]

[The Eds and Nat are on the ground. Eddy is looking at the plans.]

Eddy: [triumphantly] "We're done, boys and girl." [A ramshackle creation which seems to be falling apart.] "Everyone will want to join our club. Now let's round up some suckers–uh–I mean members."

[Kevin is holding a football in a field, about to pass it. He throws a perfect spiral to Rolf. All the kids are in the field with them: Jonny, Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz are hanging out. They see something and begin to laugh. The "something" turns out to be the Eds and Nat, dressed in garish vacation clothing.]

Eddy: [drinking from a coconut] "Sure is great to be in this club."

Jimmy: "What club?"

Eddy: "Just the coolest, hippest, and most extremely happening club in the whole stinking world!" [He presses a flier for Club Ed into Jimmy's hand. He then jumps on top of a stack of papers that Ed is holding.] "Hey, take a flier! And join now!"

Kevin: [looking at a flier, disbelieving] "You're gonna have stock car races?"

Eddy: "You betcha."

Kevin: [challenging him] "And just where are you gonna hold yacht races, and how are you gonna pay for all this?"

Eddy: "Hey!" [He leaps off the stack and comes over to Kevin.] "Good question, Kevin. Funding for such high-quality events will become reality. After I collect everybody's membership fees." [His eyes turn into dollar signs.]

Edd: "Actually Eddy, even with membership fees I don't know that–" [slowing down after pulling a dollar sign off Eddy's face] "we...can...afford...to have these events."

Eddy: "Sure we can!"

Jonny: "Plank thinks you'll spend the membership fees on jawbreakers."

Eddy: "Oh, no! At Club Ed, you can trust these faces." [He spins around so that all three Eds and Nat are smiling at the kids.]

Kevin: "Betcha don't even have a clubhouse."

Eddy: "Oh? I'll show you a clubhouse." [pointing in its general direction] "To the clubhouse!"

[The kids trample Eddy in a rush to get there. They rush to the clubhouse. The Eds and Nat come out in front and display their clubhouse proudly.]

The Eds and Nat: "Welcome to Club Ed!"

[The kids are quick to burst out in laughter. The Eds and Nat, perturbed, look at them, and then look up, only to scream. While they were gone, somebody took over and painted the clubhouse pink. It is apparent that the Kankers did it, as "Club Kanker" is on a sign in front of the clubhouse.]

Eddy: "OH, NO!"

Ed: "What?"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Oh, Eddy, oh, Eddy."

Eddy: "OH, GET OUT OF OUR CLUBHOUSE!"

[The Kankers come out the door and look down.]

Marie: "Come up here and make us."

[A flowerpot hits Eddy on the head and he growls. This is followed shortly by the "Club Ed" sign.]

[Edd, Nat and Eddy peek out from behind a pole on which one end of a clothesline is hung.]

Eddy: "Steady the pole, Ed."

Ed: "Got it, Eddy!"

Eddy: [tightrope walking] "Nail 'em in a surprise."

Edd: "I don't like this, Eddy."

Nat: "This is a bad idea."

Marie: [peeking out the window with the other two Kankers] "Aren't they cute?"

[May grabs hold of the clothesline and turns it, making them go back to the start.]

[The Eds and Nat are filling water balloons.]

Eddy: "Shoulda thought of this before!"

[Eddy hurls a water balloon. It has just enough energy to make it to the deck of the treehouse. It plops down in front of the Kankers harmlessly.]

Marie: "I think they're trying to sweet-talk us, girls."

May: [as more water balloons land on the porch] "Sweet nothing, they love us."

Eddy: [as Ed picks up a gigantic water balloon] "Ha ha! They must be soaked! Finish 'em, Ed!"

[Ed throws the water balloon magnificently high. It easily crests the tree and continues skyward. Meanwhile, the Kankers pick up some of the unexploded water balloons.]

Lee: "We love you too, Eds!"

Marie: "But not you Nat, We hate you!"

[A water balloon hits Eddy in the face. A second quickly follows and hits Ed. Edd, meanwhile, sidesteps the third as Nat ducks the fourth. Edd then proceeds to elude the rest of the deluge. The final balloon hits Eddy in the face.]

Nat: "I hope that's it."

Edd: "I think that was the last balloon, Eddy."

Eddy: [trying to claim victory] "You're finished now, Kankers!"

Ed: "Uh oh!"

Edd: "I think I miscounted."

[Ed's gigantic balloon is seen coming down towards the trio at a furious pace. It lands on Eddy, engulfing him like an amoeba. It then pops up and explodes. The velocity of the blast propels Eddy to the side. The Kankers laugh. Eddy, lying in a puddle of water, gets up, enraged. He walks over to the tree and kicks it.]

Eddy: "YEOW! Ed! Give me a boost!" [Ed grabs Eddy's hurt foot and holds it, and Eddy screams. When he lets go, Eddy's pain propels him skyward, where he runs into the clothesline. The clothesline then shoots him down to the ground.]

Ed: [to a very dazed Eddy] "Whoops. Sorry about that, Eddy." [He throws Eddy through the floor of Club Kanker.]

Nat: "Good throw!"

Edd: [suitably impressed] "Nice shot, Ed!"

Lee: [staring at Eddy] "What; no flowers?" [The Kankers proceed to beat Eddy up and send him flying through the roof.]

Lee: "Nice shot, May."

Eddy: [sailing away] "AWOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!" [He lands.]

[The Eds and Nat come upon some pricker bushes.]

Ed: "Eddy?"

Nat: "Where are you Eddy?"

Edd: "He fell in this direction. Eddy, where are you?" [He spots Eddy's hand, sticking up from a bush.] "He looks unconscious."

Ed: [pulling Eddy from the bush] "He don't look too good, Nat, Double D." [He drags Eddy from the grove.] "Uh, wake up Eddy!" [shaking him] "Stop being unconscious now." [He slaps Eddy.]

Eddy: "Ed!" [gets slapped] "Ed! I'm awake!" [Ed slaps him one more time.]

Eddy: [as Edd and Nat pluck plant life from his skin] "Y'know, it was pretty cool flying through the air. If we could build a catapult, we could shoot people out of it for money!" [Edd and Nat pluck prickers.] "Ow!"

Nat: "Eddy please don't move."

Edd: "Hold still!"

[Ed laughs, and Eddy growls.]


	9. Read All About Ed

[Eddy is in his bed, snoring away.]

Eddy: [dreaming] "Oh, no no, who else? Of course! [grabbing a tissue box] I accept this award on behalf of myself."

[His room begins to shake as though an earthquake is going on. He wakes and, after some nervousness, gets out of bed. The shaking of his room rattles him and throws him against the window, where he looks out to see Rolf's tractor cutting his grass.]

Eddy: [screaming at Rolf unintelligibly] "Gra grammit grammit, gra grammit grammit grammit..."

Rolf: "Good morning Eddy, nice haircut." [He continues to cut the grass as Eddy screams.]

[Ed is sprawled out on his bed, no sheets on. He suddenly sits up and begins to shiver. He then folds his mattress over him, which pushes his feet through the bed.]

[Edd is sleeping. An alarm clock ticks beside him. He snores, his snores getting faster and faster until suddenly he wakes. He switches on his lamp and makes his bed.]

Edd: "Messy messy messy." [He smooths the covers out and folds the top end down. He then brings out a huge iron from under his bed and irons the sheets.] "Ha ha!"

[Edd then pulls out a balance stick. When it shows the covers are level, he smiles.]

[Nat is sleeping. She suddenly wakes up when the sun shines on her face. She stretches and yawns as she gets up and makes her bed humming to herself. She then walks over to her window and stretches the curtains away to open it.]

[She smiles and smells the fresh air]

Nat: [looking outside] "What a beautiful day."

[Nat looks outside for a few more seconds. Satisfied, she blows a kiss, closes the window and walks away]

[Eddy is walking down the street in his underclothes, a pillow against his head.]

Eddy: "This will do." [He falls asleep on the sidewalk, where Edd finds him a bit later.]

Edd: "Good morning, Eddy!" [when Eddy doesn't respond] "Eddy?"

Eddy: [waking up] "Get out of my room, Double D."

Edd: "I'm outside, Eddy. I've got a paper route!" [He holds out his bag as evidence.]

Eddy: [yawns] "Why?"

Edd: "I'm saving my earnings for an electron microscope! I've only got nineteen thousand, four hundred and seventy-two dollars and eighteen cents to go!"

Eddy: [waking up completely] "Double D! If you can make that much dough with one route, think of what you could make with five! No, fifty!"

Edd: [powerless, realizing Eddy has designs on him] "But–but but Eddy!"

Eddy: "No buts. Nat and Ed'll help ya!"

Edd: [coming in from his route] "Another day, another nickel!" [He goes over to his window.] "What a beautiful morning!"

[Edd spreads the curtains to reveal a humongous stack of papers outside his window.]

Edd: "Uh oh! Huh?" [The window bursts open, avalanching newspapers into Edd's room.] "Oh, boy. Eddy!"

[Nat is walking down the street humming when she stops and sees the huge pile of newspapers]

Nat:[looking confused] "What on Earth?"

[Nat then starts looking for Edd]

Nat: "Double D? Double D where are you?"

[Edd crawls out of the pile, gasping]

Nat: "Double D, are you ok?"

Edd: "Yes, I'm alright Nat."

Nat: "Why do you have so many newspapers?"

Edd: "Eddy ordered too many."

Nat: "Speaking of Eddy, where is he?"

Edd: "Good question."

[Nat proceeds to walk in the pile to help Edd.]

[Ed is running down the street laughing when he suddenly sights the huge pile of newspapers. He tries to stop but isn't able to in time, and so plows into them.]

Ed: "Sorry I am late, Nat! Double D!" [He looks up at the newspaper pile.] "Cool."

Ed: "Ho ho! Yeah!" [He swims in the newspapers.]

Nat: "Ed, have you seen Eddy?"

Ed: "Eddy's sleeping."

Edd: [exasperated] "Eddy promised to help deliver these! Please retrieve him for us."

[Ed salutes and swims off to do Edd's bidding. He swims off the edge of the tower and falls.]

Ed: "Ow. Super."

[Ed is straining to pull a wagon which is filled with the newspapers. The papers are all stacked in it, forming an enormous tower. At the top of the tower is Eddy's bed. In the bed is Eddy, who has fuzzy dice stuffed in his ears. Eddy suddenly awakes. He sits up, pulls the dice from his ears, and gets up, not quite sober. He makes walking motions, not realizing that he's falling freely towards the ground.]

Eddy: "Wowayoh!" [He hits the ground.]

Ed: [turning to look at him] "Huh?"

Eddy: [staring at the paper tower] "Hey!" [He sees it as dollar signs] "Cha-ching!" [turning to Ed, who has a stack of newspapers in his arms] "C'mon, Ed, shake a leg! These papers need a home!" [scheming] "And we need jawbreakers." [to Edd, who is climbing down the stack] "Huh? Where were you?"

Edd: "You didn't make your bed."

[Eddy slaps his forehead in disgust.]

[Edd runs over to a house with a newspaper. He pulls out a duster and dusts the welcome mat. Edd then places the paper on the mat. Realizing it's crooked, he straightens the newspaper and runs back to the wagon for another one. Nat looks both ways then walks to a house with a newspaper. She gently places it on the doorstep. She smooths the paper before walking back to the wagon to get another one. Ed, meanwhile, runs to a house, a stack of newspapers in his arms. When he gets there, he puts the stack on his head and opens the mailbox. He places paper after paper in the mailbox, not realizing that the back has burst. He then puts up the red flag.]

Ed: "Read all about it!"

Edd: [to Eddy, who is tanning himself] "Careful Eddy, you might burn." [He stops, judges the wind, does some calculations, and then pulls out a paper. He throws it up, and it lands, perfectly wedged, in a mail slot.] "Correct!"

[Ed runs up to a fenced in house. He tries to open the gate but cannot do it. After a couple more unsuccessful attempts, he decides to jump it. He backs up to the other side of the street, puts the newspaper in his teeth, and runs for the fence. He almost makes it over, but the seat of his pants gets caught on the door, and he hangs from the door upside down. Edd rummages in his bag.]

Ed: "Help! I'm stuck!"

[Edd puts his hand to his ear and then rushes to his friend's rescue. He throws open the gate, slamming Ed against the fence.]

Edd: "Ed! Where are you?" [A growling is heard. There is a small dog at Edd's feet.] "Shoo. Shoo shoo. Shoo. Shoo. Shoo." [The dog opens his mouth wide and chomps down on Edd's shin.] "Oh dear. NOT MY SOCKS!" [hysterical] "Get off, off! Off! Off!"

[Nat is at the wagon getting another paper when she hears Edd and Ed screaming. Looking worried, She notices Eddy reading a newspaper, not bothering to help. She sighs in annoyance and decides to go help her friends herself.]

Nat: "Hang on guys, I'm coming!"

[Nat rushes to the gate and opens it]

Nat: "Ed? Double D?"

Ed: "Hi Nat."

[Nat turns around and sees Ed hanging on the door, She then grabs his hands.]

Nat: "I'll have you out in a second Ed."

Ed: "Ok."

[Nat then proceeds to pull Ed away from the door. After a few struggles, she is able to pull Ed free. As she breathes a sigh of relief, she then notices something which causes her to blush.]

Nat: "Um Ed."

Ed: "Huh?"

[Ed looks as well and sees that his pants were taken of when she pulled him free.]

Nat: [embarassed] "Well at least your free."

[Nat then turns and sees Edd screaming and rushes over to help him.]

Eddy: [reading a newspaper] "Yeah right."

Ed: "Eddy!"

Eddy: [to Ed, who still has the paper in his mouth] "Where's your pants?" [Edd is still jumping around with the dog still attached as Nat is running to him.]

[Nat struggles to catch up until she is able to jump and grab the dog as it remains attatched to Edd]

Nat: "I got it! Quick grab something!"

[Edd grabs a nearby pole. Nat is able to pull the dog away from him, but she ends up pulling too hard and falls backwards, she then looses her grip of the dog and it ends up soaring into the sky.

Nat: [at the dog] "I'm so sorry!"

[Nat turns around, helping Edd up.]

Nat: "Double D, are you ok?"

Edd: "Yes, thank you Nat."

Nat: [smiling] "Your welcome."

Ed: [talking through the newspaper] "Burna nill rump."

Eddy: "Don't eat the profit!" [He takes the paper.] "Let me show you how it's done, chicken legs."

[Eddy stands in front of a house. He raises the paper up and throws. Predictably, the paper falls apart into its separate sheets, useless.]

Eddy: "Well, I'm pooped. We need an easier way of delivering these papers!" [He and Ed turn to Edd, who has just arrived with Nat, looking beaten.]

Edd: [sarcastically] "Oh, let me solve our problems."

Eddy: [in a garage] "Ready, Double D?"

Edd: [sliding out from under something] "Yeah! I'm happy with it, Eddy!" [Eddy goes off to look at it.]

Ed: [following Eddy] "I'm happy with Eddy too. Ooh!" [He looks at the machine, a Newspaper Launcher.] "Does it work?"

Eddy: [slapping his hand away] "Don't touch it! Let's go." [He wheels it off.]

Edd: "Good idea."

Nat: "I'm with you."

[The Eds and Nat are outside with the machine.]

Eddy: "Let 'er rip!"

[Edd flips a switch on the side of the machine. He then loads a paper into it. The machine warms up and fires it directly at a front door.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "It works!"

Ed: "Ya-hoo!" [He jumps into the machine, which fires him at the same door.] "Oops." [He laughs.]

[Ed is shoveling papers into the machine, which fires them out as quickly as he throws them in.]

Eddy: [scheming] "I can already taste those jawbreakers."

Edd: [making a diagram on an Etch-a-Sketch] "We should be done in no time, Eddy!" [He lowers the toy to reveal the Launcher firing papers perfectly at doorsteps, mailboxes, and chimneys.]

Nat: "It's working perfectly!"

Eddy: "This is so cool!" [He watches the papers fly past.] "How do I come up with this stuff?"

Ed: [lifting Eddy's bed] "Heavy ink, I think!" [He throws the bed in. The bed stops up the opening and the machine starts to malfunction.]

Edd: "Oh dear."

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: "My bed!"

Ed: "It's too early for bed." [He looks down.] "AAAH!"

[Ed jumps from his perch on the stack and jumps on the bed, pushing it in. The bed goes in and the Launcher goes haywire, firing newspapers willy-nilly at high velocities.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "AAAAAHHH!" [A newspaper goes through a window. Another hits a lamppost, denting it.]

Eddy: "Take cover!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Where? Where?"

[Eddy grabs Edd's hat and pulls it over all three of them.]

Ed: [riding the machine] "Help! Eddy! Nat! Double D! Whoa!"

Eddy: [lifting the hat up to look] "Ed!" [He runs after Ed, the hat still on his, Nat's and Edd's heads.]

Edd: "Eddy!"

Ed: [the cannon still firing] "Help!"

Eddy: "Hold on, Ed!"

Nat: "We're coming!"

Edd: "YAAH!"

Ed: "Uh-oh." [He sees Kevin, riding his bike.] "Kevin! Look out!"

Kevin: "Huh?" [He turns to look, and a newspaper hits him squarely, knocking him cleanly off his bicycle.]

Ed: "Nice shot."

Eddy: "Whoa!"

Edd: "YAAH!"

Ed: [the launcher is now going in circles around the cul-de-sac] "I am getting dizzy!"

Nat: "Hold, on!"

Eddy: "We're coming, Ed!"

Ed: "AAH!"

[The Newspaper Launcher hits the curb and breaks. With its last gasp, it fires a final newspaper.]

[Jimmy is in a backyard, jumping rope.]

Jimmy: "Look, Sarah! Whee!"

Sarah: "Perfect, Jimmy!" [The newspaper rolls up and lightly taps her heel. She looks at it and then looks at Ed.] "ED! YOU HIT ME AND I'M TELLING MOM!"

[Ed picks up the newspaper and eats it.]

Ed: "All gone!"

Eddy: [as Edd removes his cap from Nat and Eddy's heads] "Forget her, Ed. Think of the money we're gonna rake in!"

Nat: "What a mess."

Edd: "Um, guys? We have to clean this up."

[The cul-de-sac is completely littered with stray papers.]

Eddy: "Yeah right. Why?"

Edd: "We will not receive payment unless the newspapers are properly delivered."

Eddy: "All right, all right."

[The Eds and Nat are in the middle of the cul-de-sac, folding papers.]

Eddy: "It doesn't get any worse than–" [A lightning bolt flashes and it starts to rain, proving that yes, it can indeed get worse.] "...this. Ed, quit fooling around!"

[Ed is jumping in a newly formed puddle. Ed splashes water in Eddy's face. Eddy, annoyed, uses his hand to wipe his face, inadvertently staining it black. Ed laughs.]

Eddy: "What?"

Ed: "You got black stuff on you."

Eddy: "Where?"

Ed: [putting his hands on his face to signal where] "Here, here, and here." [He laughs, not realizing that his face is now stained black as well.]

[Edd and Nat continue to pick up the papers.]

Edd: "C'mon, guys. Clean, and fold–" [His newspaper melts in his hands, leaving behind only ink residue.] "Aah! Ink. Off, ink! Get it! Get it off! Get it off!" [He runs into Ed and Eddy, and they all fall in a puddle. The rain stops.] "Summer rains, you can never predict them."

[Lightning flashes, and the rain commences again.]

[The Eds and Nat are busily picking up newspapers when the rain stops again.]

Edd: "Summer rains, you can never–" [The rain starts again.] "–predict them."

[The rain stops.]

Edd: "Summer rains,–"

Eddy: "Double D!" [The sound of a truck backing up is heard.] "AAH!" [He tries to signal the driver to stop. A new batch of newspapers are dumped on them.]

The Eds and Nat: "AAAH!"

Ed: [buried, with the other two] "Hey, look, my horoscope! 'New enterprise fails to meet expectations.' What's that mean?"


	10. Quick Shot Ed

[It starts outside Eddy's house before transitioning into the attic.]

Eddy: "C'mon guys and girl, it's up here." [A door on the floor opens, and Eddy comes through.]

Edd: "Careful Eddy."

Nat: "It's dark in here."

Ed: "Who's there?" [Eddy flips a light switch on.]

Eddy: "Told ya!" [The Eds and Nat are standing in the middle of fields of debris.]

Ed, Nat and Edd: "Cool attic, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Eh, my folks are pack rats."

[Edd, walking around, comes upon a toaster, which pops up two slices of moldy toast. Ed comes upon a shelf of records. Nat looks at the pile of books.]

Ed: "Mmm, I found a donut."

Eddy: "That's a record, chowderhead." [He drops a box on his head accidentally.]

[Edd blows the dust off some books. He then picks one up and flips through it, and then looks at another. This one yields a centerfold. Nat comes over and looks at it with Edd.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "Perfect specimen!" [The centerfold is of a praying mantis.]

[Ed goes over to a coat rack and picks up a fur coat.]

Eddy: [finding a camera] "Way cool!"

Ed: [behind Edd and Nat] "I am a werewolf! AWOOO!"

Eddy: "Hey Ed!"

Ed, Nat and Edd: [turning around] "Huh?"

[Eddy snaps their picture. The flash makes them dizzy and disoriented. They fall back into a pile of magazines.]

Ed: [starting to unfuzz] "Cool! Do it again, Eddy!"

[Eddy snaps another photo. This one shows Ed, Nat and Edd together in the pile. Edd has a book on his head, Nat is waving, and Ed is holding up rabbit ears behind Edd.]

Eddy: "Check it out!"

Edd: [seeing spots] "Eddy, I'm temporarily impaired."

Ed: "Let's see let's see!" [He grabs it and looks at it along with Nat.]

Nat: [giggling.] "We look great!"

Eddy: "Hey Eds and Nat! Let's go take some pictures!" [He snaps yet another shot.]

[The next scene shows some of the pictures. One shows Ed menacing Edd while Nat giggles, although the camera is out of focus; the trio can only be seen from the nose up. The next shows Eddy's shoes. The one after that shows Edd, Nat and Ed from the chest down. The last one is of Eddy smiling in the foreground while Ed, Nat and Edd smile in the back of the photo.]

[Eddy is in the lane, snapping pictures.]

Eddy: "Smile!" [Kevin enters the shot.]

Kevin: "Hey dorks!" [Eddy snaps a picture of Kevin, and the flash goes off.] "I CAN'T SEE!" [Kevin crashes into some trash cans, knocking them over.] "Real smooth, Edhead."

Eddy: [sarcastically] "Sorry, Kevin." [He gets ready to snap another picture.]

Kevin: "Why you'll be sorry, twerp!" [Eddy takes the shot, blinding him] "Stop moving!" [He slips on a bottle and falls into another trashcan. The trashcan tips, and he rolls down the lane in it.]

Ed: "Let's take more pictures!"

Edd: "Hmm. Um, we could make ID cards."

Nat: "Or library cards! Or a scrapbook! Or even our own art gallery!"

Eddy: "Nah, there's gotta be a way of turning pictures into profit." [He sees a calender lying in the trash.] "Hey! I just stepped into my best idea yet!"

Ed, Nat and Edd: "Huh?"

Eddy: "Let's make a calendar! We take pictures of the kids, and sell 'em back to 'em."

Nat: [disappointed] "Ok, that works too."

Edd: "It's alright Nat, you can design our calendar."

Nat: [smiling] "Really?"

Edd: "Positive."

[Nat grins with excitement.]

Eddy: "C'mon, lets go already!"

[The Eds and Nat peek out from behind a pole.]

Edd: "The photo safari begins!" [Eddy runs off, and Edd and Nat follow. Ed tries to go after them, but just runs round and round the pole.]

Ed: "Hey! Where did you guys go?"

Eddy: [grabbing Ed] "C'mon."

[A car is seen parked behind some bushes. Strange noises are heard. Suddenly, the Eds and Nat stick their heads out from under the car. Eddy hears Jonny humming and stops. The other two run into him.]

Ed: "Oops."

Eddy: "Ssh." [He heads into the bushes. The other three follow. On the other side are Jonny and Plank, on a swing with a book.]

Edd: [whispering] "See how the wild animals nurture their young?"

Nat: [also whispering] "Interesting!"

[Eddy creeps out and gets into a good position to take the photo.]

Jonny: "How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a–" [he turns the page and sees something shocking] "–oh my!"

Eddy: [interrupting] "Smile!"

Jonny: "Huh?"

[Eddy takes the shot. Jonny, disoriented, falls off the swing and throws Plank in the air. Eddy laughs until he notices Plank heading for him.]

Eddy: "AAAAH!! PLANK'S GONE MAD!"

Ed, Nat and Edd: [seeing Plank] "GAAAH!!!"

Ed, Edd, Nat and Eddy: "PLANK'S GONE MAD!!!"

[Plank lands in the bushes as they run away.]

[Four lumps in a hall rug, presumably the Eds and Nat, are moving down the hall.]

Sarah: [offscreen] "Whee!"

Jimmy: [also offscreen] "Whee!"

Sarah: "C'mon Jimmy." [The Eds and Nat zip out from under the rug and hide behind a couch.]

Jimmy: [still offscreen] "Oh boy!"

Eddy: "Ssh!" [It shifts to show Sarah and Jimmy playing with dolls.]

Jimmy: "You're a very pretty doll. Let's play!"

Sarah: [as male doll] "I need the car." [as female doll] "Take the bus." [as male doll] "Okay, dear."

Jimmy: [to an soldier doll] "I wanna look just like you when I grow up."

Edd: "Some animals get confused, and adopt another animal's traits and characteristics."

Nat: "Facinating!"

[Eddy creeps out and gets the camera ready.]

Jimmy: [oblivious] "Look, Sarah!" [The camera goes off.]

Sarah: [unaffected by the flash] "Look what you did to Jimmy!" [Jimmy is in the corner, crying.]

Eddy: "Hold that pose!"

[Eddy readies the camera. Sarah, having a different idea, rears back to throw a dollhouse at them. She hurls it.]

Nat: "Eddy, I don't think that's–"

Eddy: "AAH!" [He ducks, and the dollhouse hits Edd instead.]

Ed: "Sarah, please don't throw things in the house!" [A doll's head hits him in the mouth. Sarah then goes on a rampage.]

Sarah: "EAT DOLLS!"

[Doll parts go flying everywhere as Ed, Nat and Eddy run away.]

Eddy: "Run!"

Edd: [blind, with a dollhouse over his head] "Sarah's gone mad!" [He feels for the windows. He manages to pull the blinds up, allowing him to see. Nat goes back for Edd, grabs his hand and runs away with the other two while looking back. They get outside, and Ed and Eddy hide behind a fence, but Edd and Nat keeps running.]

Eddy: "Where's Double D and Nat?"

Ed: [after a crash is heard] "There." [Edd and Nat has run into a mailbox. All of the dollhouse with the exception of the door (located in his mouth) is off his head.]

Nat: [clutching her head] "Ow."

[Nat looks over to Edd.]

Nat: "Double D, are you ok?"

Edd: [unable to talk because of the door] "Nu, nu nu nu, nu nu nu nu!"

Nat: "What?"

Edd: "Nu nu nu nu nu." [Nat opens the door] "Look!" [The Eds and Nat turn to see someone dancing in a second-story window. They head off to take pictures.]

Ed: "Is that Nazz?"

[Kevin's trash can comes rolling up.]

Kevin: "Dork dork dork." [The can crashes against a tree in Nazz's yard, and he climbs out, dizzy.] "I see ya!" [refocusing] "That's it, I'm coming to get ya!" [Eddy takes a picture, blinding him again.] "Whoa! Where'd ya go, dorks?" [He heads off down the sidewalk away from them. The Eds and laugh at him while Nat climbs the tree as they follow.]

[Nazz is wearing exercise clothes and doing aerobics, presumably to an exercise program on the TV in front of her. The Eds and Nat creep up on a tree limb placed perfectly to observe her through the window.]

Edd: "Some animals put on a display, to attract attention of a suitable mate."

Eddy: "Cool."

Ed: [looking through his binoculars] "Wow. TV!"

Nat: [rolling her eyes] "Boys."

Eddy: [raising the camera] "Ha!" [the branch shakes] "Will you guys and girl hold still?" [The branch bends and cracks.] "AAAH!!"

[He and the other three fall to the ground. Nazz comes over to the window and looks out, but she doesn't see them. She goes back to her exercise. The Eds and Nat lay crumpled under a tree branch. A photo develops and slides out of Eddy's mouth. It shows Eddy screaming.]

[The Eds and Nat are shown looking into a house. Inside the house, sausages are being churned out. It soon becomes apparent that Rolf is pouring ground pork into a sausage making machine.]

Edd: "Some animals resort to cannibalism during drought or famine."

Nat: "Gruesome!"

Ed: "I'm famined!"

Eddy: "You're drought. I can't get a good shot of Rolf from here. Follow me."

[The Eds and Nat enter the house. They are completely silent until Ed rushes in.]

Ed: "Hot dog!" [He rushes over to the tub of sausages.]

Rolf: "Get out of here, stupid!"

[Eddy takes a picture. Rolf, blinded, falls into the machine. He comes out the other end as a giant hot dog.]

Rolf: "I am a wiener!"

Ed: [eating sausages] "You are Rolf!"

Rolf: "Victor! We have poachers!" [A goat looks up and charges them like a bull.]

Ed: "Victor?" [seeing the goat] "Guys! Victor!" [He runs for the door.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Victor's gone mad!"

[Victor chases him, coming closer and closer. He takes a bite of the string of sausages Ed is holding approximately every yard, emphasizing how close he is getting.]

Ed: "Eddy! Door!" [Eddy slams the door. Although it initially seems as though they stranded Ed inside, it quickly becomes apparent that Ed got out and Eddy closed it in the nick of time.] "That was close."

Eddy: "Let's go take some more phoTOS!" [Victor's head rams through the door, knocking them far away.]

[The Eds and Nat land on a street, hard. A light then shines on them.]

Eddy: "Huh?"

[The lights are revealed to be Kevin. He has hooked up 5 flashlights, in various places, to his bike. Not only this, but he is now dressed in a sweatshirt and sunglasses in addition to his regular clothing.]

The Eds and Nat: "It's Kevin!"

[Kevin's mouth moves, but no words are heard.]

[The Eds and Nat scream and run away from him. They run through a fence, and then into a house, where Jonny is seen bathing. Eddy, noticing this, goes back and takes a picture, but he sees Kevin catching up and so he runs again.]

Jonny: "Do you think they saw anything, Plank?"

[The Eds and Nat are now running through a junkyard (although this isn't the one seen later on). Kevin is still after them. The Eds and Nat fall into a tire and roll down a hill in it. They manage to jump a road at the bottom of the hill.]

Kevin: "I've got you dorks! Uh-oh!" [A garbage truck comes along, and he falls in.]

[The Eds and Nat, still in the tire, fall into a river. They float downstream, into a sewage pipe.]

Eddy: "Bleah! This place reeks!"

Nat: "I don't see Kevin."

Edd: "I think we lost him."

Ed: [pointing to a ladder] "Look!"

Eddy: "Good work, Ed!" [They prepare to surmount the ladder and exit the sewer.]

Ed: [looking around] "All clear!"

Eddy: "How'd we end up at the trailer park?"

Edd: [remembering the Kankers] "We should go now, Eddy."

Nat: [also remembering] "He's right, remember last time?"

Eddy: "Not a chance! One more picture and we can finish our calendar!" [It goes over the Park 'n Flush before settling on the Kankers' trailer.] "And there it is."

Ed and Edd: [frightened] "The Kanker Sisters!"

Nat: "I can't go over there."

Eddy: "What are you, chicken?"

Nat: "No, I'd just rather be safe than sorry."

[Nat proceeds to hide behind another trailer]

Eddy: "Whatever."

[They creep up to the trailer. Inside, Lee and Marie are seen doing their hair. On the outside, the Eds are forming a ladder to look in the window.]

Marie: "I'm gonna have my best hair yet. We're gonna be irresistible!"

Lee: "You bet!" [to May] "May! I'm getting crusty!"

May: [approaching with a huge bottle of something] "I'm coming, Lee!"

Eddy: "Sweet." [He raises the camera.]

Lee: "What's taking so long?"

May: "Quit your fussing and hold still!"

Marie: "I'm gonna be gorgeouser."

[The camera goes off.]

May: [stunned and hysterical] "WE'RE BEING ABDUCTED!"

Lee: [not disoriented in the least] "No we're not! It's Eddy!" [She points to the window, where Eddy can clearly be seen clutching the camera.]

Eddy: "Run boys." [They try to run while still in tower formation. It works as well as can be expected–they all end up hanging from the Kankers' clothesline.]

Marie: [from a window] "Well, well."

Lee: "Nice of you boys to hang around."

[The Kankers reel the clothesline in.]

The Eds: "NAAAT!"

[Nat looks over and sees them hanging.]

Nat: [facepalms] "How could I let this happen!"

[The Eds are still on the clothesline, but it is now in the trailer.]

Edd: "I hope these clothespegs don't leave marks."

The Kankers: [dancing towards them and chanting] "We're gonna make you pretty! We're gonna make you pretty! We're gonna make you pretty! We're gonna make you pretty!" [The Eds all scream in fear.]

[While the Kankers are giving the Eds makeovers there is a knock on the door. They all stop what they're doing to go answer it. They scowl when they see Nat standing there with an uneasy smile and her hands behind her back.]

Lee: [glaring] "What do you want?"

[Nat says nothing as she brings her hands forward, revealing a bucket, and splashes the Kankers with sewer water.]

The Kankers: "AHHH!!!"

Nat: "I'm sorry!"

[Nat runs into the trailer and see the Eds still hanging, covered in makeup and wigs. She slightly gags as she removes the clothespegs on them.]

Ed: "Nat!"

Edd: "Thank goodness your here!"

Eddy: "What took you so long?!"

[Nat makes an annoyed look at Eddy.]

Nat: "Lets go!"

[The Eds and Nat run out of the trailer and away as The Kankers scream in anger still drenched in water.]

[It cuts to a house. A door is slightly ajar. Nat is trying to get the makeup off The Eds]

Nat: "Well it could have been worse, they could have dressed you."

Edd: "What are we gonna do?"

Ed: "Look at me!" [He laughs. It shifts downwards to show an instant-develop camera sitting on top of a cabinet.]

Eddy: "I got some gel at my place. If we're careful, no one will see us."

[The door creeps open to reveal Sarah and Jimmy. Sarah has taken the camera and is pointing it at the Eds.]

Sarah: "Smile!"

[She takes the photo. The Eds are all wearing outlandish wigs. Eddy's is blue with a bow in it. Ed's is red, cut short, but otherwise looks a lot like Eddy's. Edd's is a blond mane of fuzz that makes him look like he plays hair metal.]

[The photo is next seen on a calender nailed to a tree. The calender reads "June." All the kids are looking at it and laughing. The Eds and Nat, meanwhile, look down from a window. She hands them paper bags.] 

Nat: "You guys should probably wear these."

[The Eds take the bags and put them on. They pull them down to reveal frowning faces.]

Eddy: [pulling the curtains shut] "Sheesh."


	11. An Ed Too Many

[The Eds and Nat are in a backyard, looking at something. they're looking for four-leaf clovers.]

Ed: "One, two, three... Nope. One, two–" [He sees a caterpillar crawling on his hand] "–hello!" [He watches it move.] "Cool."

Nat: "Ed, you found a caterpillar!"

Ed: "Yeah!"

[Nat puts her finger next to Eds as the caterpillar crawls off his finger onto hers]

Nat: "Awesome! I can't wait to put you in my butterfly house!"

[Nat puts the caterpillar in a jar with a leaf.]

Edd: "One–" [Ed moves past, imitating the caterpillar.]

Ed: "I am going to be a beautiful butterfly."

Eddy: "Three, three...it's got to be a four. A four-leaf clover means good luck. And luck means we'll be able to talk people into anything."

Edd: "With good luck, the daily chore of applying fabric softener would be a thing of the past."

Ed: "I got it! I found some luck!" [He trips over a sprinkler and slides underground, ending up at Eddy's feet.]

Eddy: "Where's the clover, Ed?"

[Ed sticks his hands out, revealing a Baby Blue Gym Sock.]

Eddy: "What's with the weed?"

Edd: "Actually, Eddy, it's a very Rare flower." 

Nat: "It's beautiful!"

[Eddy grabs it by its stem.] 

Nat: "No Eddy! Don't hurt it!"

Edd: "Please, be gentle, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Yeah. Cute, whatever." [He tosses it over his shoulder. Edd catches it just before it hits the ground. Nat breathes a sign of relief.]

Ed: [with a mouthful of dirt] "Amn duh."

Eddy: "Is a four-leafed clover too much to ask for? Bingo!" [He has found one and holds it up.] "Feel the magic, boys and girl!" [A deep rumbling is heard.] "Huh?"

Ed: [looking for the source of the noise and not finding it] "Eddy!" [He jumps into Eddy's arms.]

Eddy: "You're giving me a hernia, Ed."

Ed: "It sounds like the howl of a werewolf from the belly of Hades!" [The growl comes again.]

Eddy: "Get off me, Ed! That's your belly!"

Ed: [his stomach rumbling again] "I'm hungry."

Eddy: "Let's go to my place and make some pizza!"

Edd: "I'll make the sauce!"

Nat: "I'll cut the cheese!"

Ed: "I'll get in the way and make a big mess."

[Sarah and Jimmy are playing hopscotch.]

Sarah: "Your turn, Jimmy."

Jimmy: "Here goes. Whee!"

Ed: [rushing past him] "Double cheese, hold the onions!"

Nat: [also rushing] "Hi Sarah, Jimmy! Bye Sarah, Jimmy!"

[Eddy comes by and erases the squares around Jimmy's, leaving him stranded.]

Jimmy: "I'm stranded!"

Sarah: "Eddy, you blockhead!"

Jimmy: "I'm falling!" [Sarah catches him and sets him upright.]

Sarah: "Got you, Jimmy." [to Edd] "LOOK WHAT YOUR STUPID FRIEND EDDY DID!"

Edd: [turning around] "Excuse me."

Jimmy: "Is that a Baby Blue Gym Sock?" [He and Sarah sniff it.] "It's beautiful."

Eddy: [offscreen] "C'mon, Double D!"

Edd: [handing Sarah the flower] "Here. You keep it."

Sarah: [sniffing it] "Aah. Double D and me were meant to be. Whee!" [She skips off after the Eds, leaving Jimmy all alone.]

Jimmy: "Sarah?"

[Eddy is rummaging in the fridge. Ed walks by holding a giant wheel of cheese.]

Ed: "Big cheese!"

Eddy: [arms full of eggs] "Talking to me, Ed?"

Nat: "Hand it to me Ed!"

Edd: "I've blanched the tomatoes, and now for a dash of oregano! Careful..."

Eddy: "And one egg, and five eggs!" [He breaks five eggs at once, causing Edd to drop the oregano bottle in the sauce.]

Edd: "Eddy, please! I'm trying to concentrate."

Eddy: [his mouth full of eggs resembling a goofy smile] "What?"

Edd: [to himself] "Oh, doesn't he understand how easily tomato sauce bruises?"

Eddy: "How much yeast, Double D?"

Edd: "Just one tablespoon, Eddy."

Eddy: "Yeah, right." [He adds the whole canister, and the bowl of dough begins to bubble.] "Ed, quit eating all the cheese!"

Nat: "Please Ed, I need to cut it!"

Ed: [mouth full of cheese] "Cheese, Swiss."

Eddy: [handing him a stick of pepperoni] "Pepperoni, Italian."

Ed: [with a slicer] "Slicer, aluminum." [He slices the pepperoni.]

[The doorbell rings.]

Edd: "Someone's at the door, Eddy."

Eddy: [fighting with the dough] "Get that, willya? I gotta knead this pizza dough." [the dough too big for him to handle and absorbs his fist] "Ed! Ed! Give me a hand."

Ed: "Okay, Eddy." [Ed stops using the slicer and instead uses the dough as a trampoline.]

Nat: [stops cutting] "I can get the door if you want Double D."

Edd: "No it's quite alright Nat."

Nat: [shrugs] "Ok."

[Edd opens the door. Sarah is standing there.]

Edd: "Sarah!"

Sarah: "Whatcha doin?"

Edd: "Making pizza."

Sarah: [fluttering her eyelashes] "Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

Edd: "It's not really my house."

[Sarah enters as Edd backs up, and the door slams behind them.]

Ed: "Belly flop!" [He dives on the dough.]

Eddy: "Looks good and flat. Get the sauce, Ed."

[Edd is still backing away from Sarah.]

Eddy: "Keep it coming. I can't wait to taste it." [Sarah backs Edd into the kitchen, and Ed drops the pot of sauce. Some sauce splatters on Eddy's face. Nat turns and sees Sarah.]

Nat: "Hi Sarah!"

Ed: "Sarah!"

Eddy: "What's your sister doing in my house? And what's she doing with Double D?"

Edd: "Do I have something caught in my teeth?" [Jimmy watches from a window.]

Jimmy: "Sarah?" [He slides down the glass.]

Nat: "What's going on?"

Eddy: "Ed."

Ed: "Uh-oh."

Eddy: "Get rid of her."

Sarah: "Come out of there, silly."

Edd: [hiding in a cabinet] "I'm quite comfortable, thank you."

Ed: [trying to assert himself] "Um, Sarah? Don't you think you should go outside and play?"

Sarah: "BACK OFF FISH FACE!"

Eddy: "Hey, squirt!"

Sarah: "Come and play with me, Double D."

Nat: "Sarah, can you please leave Double D alone."

Sarah: "NO!"

Eddy: "Your mother's calling ya!" [He grabs her.]

[The door opens, and Eddy comes sailing out. When he tries to come back in, Sarah throws Ed into him.]

Ed: "Hi, Eddy!"

Eddy: "C'mon, Ed." [He rushes inside.]

Edd: [crouched on top of the refrigerator] "Nat! Eddy! Help me!"

Sarah: "Come down, Double–huh?" [She notices magnetic letters on the refrigerator door.] "Aah." [She rearranges them.] "There."

Eddy: "Hey! Don't touch my–" [looking at the message spelled out] "Sarah and Double D? Your sister's got a crush on Double D!"

[Nat makes a shocked then disgusted face.]

Ed: "And she's a good speller!"

Edd: "Crush?" [He sees Sarah next to him.]

Sarah: "You're my boyfriend."

Eddy: [grabbing Edd] "Let's go, Romeo."

Sarah: "Gimme back my boyfriend!"

[Jimmy is looking at a picture of Sarah. He clutches it to his chest.]

Jimmy: "I'm an island in the tempest sea. Oh, the agony!" [a bell rings] "Yummy! Lunch!" [He takes a pastry out of his oven.] "Light and fluffy." [The pastry collapses.] "Darn egg whites."

[The Eds and Nat pop their heads out of a bush.]

Edd: "I think I'm sitting on a twig."

Eddy: "Looks like we lost her. Let's go."

[The Eds and Nat crawl out of the bush. Edd's leg gets caught on something as he exits.]

Edd: [trying to yank his leg out] "Pesky twig!" [He yanks his leg free of the bush, revealing Sarah clinging to him.]

Sarah: "Come and see my dollies, boyfriend!"

Ed: "That twig looks like Sarah."

Nat: "That twig IS Sarah!"

Edd: [being hugged by Sarah] "Too close. Too close!"

Nat: "C'mon, Double D!" [She yanks Edd away.]

Ed: "Go, Nat!"

[The Eds and Nat run for it until Sarah pops out of Edd's hat.]

Sarah: "Where we going, boyfriend?" [The Eds and Nat stop.] "Ring around the boyfriend, ring around the boyfriend!" [She jumps on Edd's back.] "Piggyback ride!"

Eddy: "We've had enough, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Mind your own beeswax, bub!"

Edd: "Sweat. I'm starting to sweat!"

Nat: [to Ed] "Your sister's out of control!"

Sarah: [tickling Edd] "Coochie coochie coo."

Eddy: "Hey Sarah, Double D wrote you a poem."

Sarah: "For me?" [She takes the scrap of paper Eddy holds out.] "Get lost. Oh, that's so–" [She realizes the meaning at the same time she notices Edd is no longer under her.] "–HEY!"

[Ed, Nat and Eddy are carrying Edd, hightailing it out of there.]

[Jimmy is dragging a teddy bear along the pavement. He spots something and heads towards it.]

[The something turns out to be another Baby Blue Gym Sock, this time planted. Jimmy sniffs at it.]

Jimmy: "If only Sarah–" [he remembers what he perceives as Sarah's betrayal] "–Double D."

[Jimmy stomps on the flower.]

Jimmy: "Stupid flower! I'm a lone wolf looking for trouble." [He throws his bear down and rips it's head off. Jonny approaches.]

Jonny: "Hey Jimmy, whatcha doin?" [He sees the destroyed bear.] "Was that a bad bear?" [Jimmy approaches Jonny, attempting to punch him, but ends up spinning in circles.] "Are we playing tag? Tag! You're it!"

[He tags Jimmy and runs away.]

[Eddy peeks out from under a garage door. He then closes the door and looks inside.]

Eddy: "We're germ free. And back to normal. How's it coming?"

Edd: "The paper-mache is ready, Eddy!"

Ed: "And lumpy!"

Nat: "And soft!"

Edd: "And quick-drying!" [Ed takes his hands out of the muck. The material quickly hardens around his hands.]

Ed: "Cool."

Eddy: "This has to be the best plan yet. We'll be eating jawbreakers in no time. The kids'll pay big to see a full-size dinosaur! Maybe we can get the head on it today."

Ed: "I am the dino-head! RAWRR!"

Edd: "We need more top support, Eddy."

Sarah: [grabbing his plans] "Boyfriend. This is stupid. Dinosaurs." [She cuts the plans into paper cutouts of her and Edd dancing.] "Can you ballroom dance?"

Edd: "Nat, Eddy!"

Eddy: "What, Double D? Sarah! Leave Double D alone!"

Nat: "Sarah please, We're very busy!"

Sarah: "Keep out of it!" [While her back is turned, Edd runs away.]

Edd: "Sanctuary!" [He hides in Ed's jacket.] "Ssh."

Sarah: "You're fun, boyfriend!" [She knocks the ladder Eddy is perched on over.]

Eddy: "Whoa! Steady down there!"

[The ladder tips and takes some plaster off the dinosaur's foot. Ed catches it just in time to swing Eddy into a shelf, knocking everything on it over. A paint can rolls under Ed's foot, and he flies into the air. It becomes Eddy's responsibility to carry him. Eventually, Ed's side drops. The ladder digs into the ground, and as a result Eddy is shot backward, destroying the foot and splashing paper-mache all over Edd.]

Sarah: "Hello, trapped boyfriend."

Ed: "Eddy, you got to see this!"

Sarah: [painting hearts on Edd] "Lots of hearts for you, boyfriend!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: "That's pathetic!"

Ed: "Sarah's weird when Jimmy's not around."

Eddy: "Ed! That's it! We need to find Jimmy!"

Ed: "But what about Double D?"

Nat: "Don't worry, I'll stay with him."

Eddy: "Besides, he's not going anywhere."

Edd: [as Sarah hangs a daisy chain around his neck] "Um, guys?"

[Eddy and Ed rush into the park.]

Eddy: "Hey, Jimmy."

[Jimmy is sitting on a teeter-totter, playing by himself.]

Jimmy: "What are you looking at, dork?"

Eddy: "Dork? Me?"

Jimmy: [putting his dukes up] "Looking for trouble? 'Cause I'll flip you like an omelet."

Eddy: "Whoa, take it easy, Tarzan! You want Sarah back, right? So you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours."

Jimmy: "Where's my Sarah?" [kicking Eddy in the shins] "I want Sarah! I miss Sarah! Give her back!" [He continues to kick Eddy.]

Eddy: "Let's get this over with."

[Ed beckons to Eddy, who is carrying Jimmy. Jimmy has a bucket over his head.]

Jimmy: "I can't see! I can't see!"

Eddy: "Relax, squirt."

[Ed signals to Edd and Nat, who is leading Sarah the other way. Sarah is blindfolded.]

Sarah: "I like surprises."

Edd: [not talking so much as making noises] "Uh, well, yewahl."

Jimmy: [lifting his bucket] "Sarah?"

Sarah: [lifting her blindfold] "Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Wanna come over and pleat my curtains?"

Sarah: "Okay."

[They run off, and the Eds and sink down on the street corner, exhausted.]

Edd: "Well, it's better to have loved and lost–"

Ed: "Than lost and found!"

Eddy: "You said it! What a rotten day. So much for good luck." [He tosses the clover away.] "Let's go."

[Edd finds the Baby Blue Gym Sock he gave Sarah on the floor. He picks it up and turns to Nat.]

Edd: "Here, you should have been the person I have given this to."

[Nat takes the flower and smiles.]

Nat: [blushing] "Thank you Double D."

Edd: [also blushing] " Y-Your welcome."

[Edd and Nat smile at each other.]

Eddy: "Will you two quit it already!"

[Edd and Nat look away embarrassed.]

Jonny: [finding the clover] "Look, Plank, a four-leaf clover!" [finding something else] "Look, Plank! A twenty-dollar bill!"

[He and Plank walk on.]

Eddy: "Hey!" [depressed] "That's our luck."

Edd: "That's always our luck."

Nat: "You said it."

[Ed's stomach grumbles.]

Ed: "I'm hungry."


	12. Ed-n-Seek

[Eddy peeks out of a couch cushion. With one hand, he pulls out a giant dustball. He blows it away.]

Eddy: "Find anything, Ed?"

Ed: [under a chair cushion chewing on something] "Three potato chips, and my old button."

Eddy: [incredulous] "No loot? I'm going back in."

Ed: "Hey c'mon, Nat, Double D! Couch diving is lots of fun." [He chuckles as he scuttles back into the chair like a crab.]

Edd: "No no, Ed. You can get nasty scratches from upholstery tacks." [He shines his flashlight under the couch.]

Nat: "Plus its very dusty."

Ed: "Oh, wow! Way cool!"

Edd: "Dust mites?"

Nat: "Another button?"

Eddy: [popping his head out of the couch] "Cash?"

Ed: "No, my lost issue of Slug-U-La magazine!"

Eddy: "Tell me Ed, what's it like having buttered toast for a brain?" [Ed jumps on the couch, shoving Eddy back in. Edd and Nat sit beside him.] "Ed!"

[The door opens and Jonny walks in.]

Jonny: "What's that, Plank?"

Plank:

[Jonny goes back and closes the door. He then jumps into a cabinet and hides. The Eds and Nat watch surreptitiously. Jonny then goes over to a bookcase. He puts Plank near the top. Plank scans it.]

Jonny: "See anything, Plank?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Try where?" [Jonny holds Plank out like a dowsing rod. Plank settles on a vase. Jonny picks up the vase and shakes it. Sarah pops out.] "Plank found you!"

[Jonny runs off. Sarah follows, grumpily. The Eds and Nat look at each other, and then head outside to see what's going on.]

[Once the Eds and Nat arrive, Nazz runs by. Jimmy runs in the other direction.]

Jimmy: "You can't catch me!"

Eddy: "Hey, Peewee!"

[Kevin hits them with his bike. They all fly into the air. Eddy is the last to come down, and he lands on a running Rolf's back. He positions himself into Rolf's eyesight.]

Rolf: "Hello, Eddy!"

Eddy: "What's happening, Rolf?" [Rolf plunges his head into the dirt like an ostrich.] "What's going on?"

Rolf: "I cannot hear you, I am invisible. Goodbye, I have gone to the market."

[Kevin rides by.]

Eddy: "Hey, Kevin." [He has gotten on Kevin's bike.]

Kevin: "Get off, dork."

Eddy: "I know what you're doing. You can't fool me. I'm too smart."

[Kevin rides up the side of a tree and into a hollow hole in the wood, causing Eddy to fall onto the ground.]

Ed: "Hey, look!"

Eddy: "What?"

[Jonny has wedged himself into a missing fencepost's space. He puts Plank up to his face and turns the board around.]

Eddy: "I don't get it. What gives?"

Sarah: "Ready or not, here I come!"

Eddy: "Oh yeah! Hide-n-seek!"

[Sarah is walking down the street, searching for the kids.]

Eddy: [popping out of a hydrant] "Betcha never thought of looking here!"

Sarah: "Yuck! Eddy!" [She stuffs the hydrant's lid down.]

Ed: [crawling up to her] "Can we play, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Hmm. NO!"

[Sarah walks by him, but Ed pops out of a bush in front of her.]

Sarah: "NO!"

Ed: "Please let us play, Sarah."

Sarah: "Big brother, we are in the MIDDLE of a GAME, come back when it's OVER!"

Eddy: [coming up in front of her] "Let us play and I'll give you Jonny 2x4."

Sarah: "YOU'RE RUINING MY TURN!"

Ed: "Hey Sarah!" [He has collected all the kids.] "Is the game over now?"

Eddy: "Looks like it, Ed."

Sarah: "Uumph."

[The kids go into a huddled discussion about whether to let the Eds and Nat in on the game.]

Jimmy: "All right, you can play."

The Eds and Nat: "YEAH!"

Kevin: "But, you have to be it." [The Eds and Nat freeze in mid-air in suprise]

Eddy: "Piece of cake."

[The Eds and Nat are counting. They are huddled around a tree with a sign reading "Home" nailed to it.]

Ed: "One, two, got some glue...Three, four, at the store...Five, six, it really stinks..."

Eddy: "Seventy-four, seventy-five, one hundred. Ready or not, here we come! I know exactly where to look."

[The Eds and Nat start to run off. The noise of pattering feet comes from behind Eddy.]

The Kids: "Home free!" [Eddy turns around to find them all touching the tree.]

Sarah: "Guess you're it again!" [The kids run off.]

Eddy: "We've got to do something about this home free thing!"

[The tree, along with Edd, Nat and Eddy, is being carted along in a wagon pulled by Ed.]

Eddy: "This is taking way too long! I know what'll get 'em out." [imitating a woman's voice] "Help me! Help! Somebody stole my purse! Oh, somebody help!"

[Nobody comes to the rescue.]

Ed: [pointing to the tree] "Hey Plank, your mom is calling!" [Plank pops out of a bush.]

Eddy: "They must be cheating."

Nat: "What do we do?"

Ed: "Let's feed them."

Edd: "I've got it!"

[Ed, Nat and Eddy are sitting in the wagon while Edd tinkers in the garage.]

Edd: "All done." [He holds out some goggles.] "They're body-heat seeking goggles."

Nat: "Awesome!"

Ed: "Cool."

Eddy: [grabbing them] "Let me see those."

Ed: "My turn, Eddy, my turn!"

Eddy: "They don't work, Double D."

Ed: "Oh, let me see, let me see!"

Edd: "Allow me." [He flips a switch. The goggles take a moment to work, but when they do Ed's face appears.]

Eddy: "AAH! Here Ed." [He jams the goggles on Ed's face.]

Ed: "Double D, Nat, this is how the monster in The Brainless Cyclops saw his victims!" [He starts imitating the monster and attacks Edd and Nat.]

Eddy: "Quit laying around! We've got a game to win!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are being pulled by Ed, who is wearing the goggles.]

Eddy: "Look, Ed's a brainless cyclops." [Ed scans the area. He brings them up to a shed.]

Ed: "Hey!" [He points inside. Eddy opens the doors to reveal Sarah.]

Eddy: "Gotcha!"

Sarah: "Darn you, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Good boy, Ed!" [He feeds Ed a dog treat.]

Ed: [to Sarah] "I am brainless!"

Sarah: "You will be when I'm through with you!"

Eddy: "See ya, sucker!"

[Ed proceeds to sniff out hiding places all over the cul-de-sac. He finds Jonny and Plank in some bushes, Kevin in the gutters, and Rolf hiding in a lawn mower.]

The Eds and Nat: "Yeah! We're winning! We're winning!"

Ed: "Eddy, we forgot Jimmy!"

Eddy: "Big deal. We've got home base!" [He points his thumb at empty space.]

Ed: "We do?"

Eddy: "Hey! Where's home base?" [Edd and Nat gasp. Home base is on the other side of the cul-de-sac.]

Ed: "Oh no!"

The Eds and Nat: "AAH!"

[Jimmy darts out from behind a house.]

The Eds and Nat: "AAH!"

Eddy: "Sic em, Ed!" [Ed chases Jimmy like a dog.]

Ed: "Arf!"

The Kids: "Go, Jimmy, go!"

Jimmy: "Little feet, do your stuff!"

Ed: "Aroogah!" [The kids continue to shout encouragement.]

[Jimmy dives for home base. Just before he touches the tree, Ed lands on him, stopping Jimmy short.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "We can hide! We can hide!"

Ed: "Jimmy's it! Jimmy's it!"

Eddy: "You'll never find us! Start counting and don't peek."

[The Eds and Nat rush off laughing.]

[Eddy exits his house, carrying an enormous armload of food.]

Jimmy: [counting] "Eighty-one, eighty-two, eighty-three–"

Eddy: [running behind him] "–Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six–"

Jimmy: "–Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine."

[Eddy comes to a bush. He knocks on it, and it makes a metallic clanging noise. He looks both directions then a hatch opens, and a pair of eyes peer out.]

Ed: "Ooh! Yum! Food and–" [Eddy jams the food in. He jumps in after it and pulls the hatch shut.]

Eddy: [with a donut and a soda] "Ha! This is the best hiding spot!" [Ed takes Eddy's donut] "Huh?"

Nat: "I agree!"

Ed: [Eddy groans while Ed eats chips] "We could stay here forever!"

Edd: [with a notepad and pencil] "At the rate of your consumption, it may only be minutes."

Ed: "Pop?"

Edd: "Yes please." [Ed opens the shaken-up can into Edd's face.]

Eddy: "Good one, Ed!" [They laugh.] 

[Nat picks up a can and shakes it. She opens it into Eddy's face.]

Eddy: "Hey!"

[Nat and Edd laugh. He then picks up another can and shakes it. He opens it into Eddy's face and laughs.] "Oh, a smart guy."

Edd: "Only when you're around, Eddy." [Eddy, Nat and Edd all shake sodas.]

Ed: "Pass the nuts." [The sodas this time go into Ed's face. When the fizz clears, Ed is holding four cans of soda.]

Eddy: "Okay, big guy."

Edd: "Oh my."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd, Nat and Eddy: [as Ed shakes the cans] "NO, ED!"

[The bunker explodes, shooting straight up. After a few seconds, it comes down again. It is followed by a rain of snacks and treats. The Eds and Nat stand up, covered in food debris.]

Jimmy: "Ready or not, here I come!"

Ed: [pressing his face to Eddy's] "Jimmy's coming!"

Nat: [on top of Eddy's head] "There isn't much time!"

Edd: [pressing his face to Eddy's other cheek] "We need to hide."

Eddy: "You're touching my face!" [He looks for somewhere to hide.] "There!" [He opens the lid to a garbage container.] "Pee-yew!" [The Kankers pop out.] "I didn't know you were playing!"

Lee: "Who's playing?" [The sisters make kissy faces, and Eddy runs away. The lid slams down on their lips.]

[Eddy is still looking for a hiding place.]

Jimmy: "You can run, but you can't hide!"

Ed: "Psst!" [Eddy looks for him.] "Psst!" [Eddy spots him cowering, with Edd, behind his legs and Nat, behind Edds legs.] "Jimmy's getting closer!"

Eddy: "Uh–in there!" [He zooms off.]

[Jimmy is looking for people. He ruffles a bush, giggling.]

Jimmy: "Come out, come out!" [He looks in a grove of trees.] "I see you!"

[The Eds and Nat zoom by behind him.]

[Jimmy is searching Eddy's living room. He passes by Eddy, who is hiding in a painting above him. Jimmy then looks in a cabinet under an aquarium. Finding nothing, he moves on. Edd was actually in the aquarium. He passes the couch, failing to notice that Nat was under it. He passes a TV, on which something called the "Glippo Show" is playing. A few seconds after he walks past, Ed jumps out of a box. A title card reading "Ha ha ha" shows on the screen. Jimmy then looks in a closet.]

Jimmy: "Boo! Ooh, nice shoes." [He takes a closer look at the shoes.]

[The Eds and Nat burst out of the house, running full speed.]

The Eds and Nat: "Tree! Tree! Tree!"

[Eddy dives for the tree (which is still in the wagon) and makes it.]

Eddy: "Home free!" [Edd and Nat jump on as well, and then Ed adds his weight. This makes the wagon start rolling down the hill.]

The Eds and Nat: "HOOOOMMMEEE FRREEEEEE!" [Several crashes are heard.]

[There are a bunch of trees, lying in a pile. The "Home" tree is on top. Ed lifts it, and Edd and Eddy struggle to stand. Nat manages to crawl out.]

Ed: "Home free!" [He ducks, dropping the tree. The tree hammers Edd, and Eddy back down.]

[Nat watches and cringes.]

Ed: [lifting the tree again] "We win." 

Nat: "Ed wait!"

[He drops the tree, crushing his friends once more.]

Ed: [lifting it one final time] "You're it!"

Nat: "Please don't-"

[Ed drops the tree again. It hammers his friends, Nat manages to pull them out.]

Ed: "Ouch."

[Nat sighs.]


	13. Look Into My Eds

[A sign is shown. It shows some kind of wheeled vehicle over the words "Candy Store". The kids are beside the sign, apparently waiting. We then cut to a vehicle. Edd and Nat is inside, while Ed is pulling it like a horse. Eddy is sitting on top, holding the reins.]

Eddy: "Whoa! WHOA!" [Ed stops by the sign.] "All aboard." [The kids board, dropping quarters into a can Edd holds out as they come on.]

Rolf: "Good-bye."

[Ed stands there panting until Eddy blows a horn in his ear.]

Eddy: "Next stop, the candy shop!" [He blows the horn again, and Ed takes off.] "Whoa! Ha!"

[Ed heads up an incline.]

Jonny: "Isn't riding the bus fun, Plank?"

Plank:

[The bus crests the hill and starts going down.]

Eddy: [not sure about Ed's speed] "Easy there, big boy."

Ed: "Heads up, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Huh?" [He looks up to see low hanging branches, each of which hit him.] "Oh! Ow! Ow! Whoa!"

[Inside the bus, things are getting chaotic. The kids are having trouble keeping their balance. On the outside, the bus is going faster than Ed. This leads to Ed being pressed against the bus' front, unable to control its speed. The kids start to scream.]

Edd: "Ed, do you think you can slow down a bit?"

Nat: "Please Ed, I'm getting kinda queasy."

Ed: [shaking his head] "Uh. No." [He slips down and goes under the bus.]

Eddy: "Huh?" [He fumbles with the ropes and finds the empty bit.] "Not good." [He sees Ed stranded on the sidewalk a ways back.]

Jimmy: "Runaway bus!"

Eddy: "Waooh!"

Edd: "Eddy?"

Eddy: "Women and children first!" [He, Nat and Edd jump out of the bus, leaving the kids to their fate.]

Edd: "I'm afraid this constitutes a refund."

[The bus is heard crashing in the distance.]

Ed: [coming up to them] "Hey, what are you guys and girl doing up there?"

Nat: "Oh nothing Ed."

Eddy: "Knitting sweaters, you maniac! What are you doing?"

Edd: "Look!" [A mail van goes by.] "The mail's here!" [getting a package out of his mailbox] "Oh boy! Mail!"

Ed: "Is it for me?"

Nat: "No, It's for-"

Eddy: [grabbing the package] "It's for me!" [He tears open the paper.]

Edd: "But Eddy–"

Eddy: [looking at the book that was delivered] "A book?" [He tosses it away.]

Edd: "Hey!" [He grabs it.] "It's my new psychology manual!"

Eddy: "Why do you read that mumbo-jumbo stuff?"

Edd: "It covers the latest techniques in abnormal human behavior." 

Nat: "Cool!"

Edd: [pointing to an inkblot] "Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."

Eddy: "Money!"

Ed: "Book!"

Nat: "Flower!"

Edd: [with a new one] "And this?"

Eddy: "Cash."

Nat: "Butterfly!"

Ed: [after a long pause] "Buttered toast!"

Edd: [closing the book, to Ed] "Well, you're psychologically normal."

Eddy: "How is buttered toast normal? Let me see." [He grabs it and rifles through the pages.] "Where's the answers?" [A swirling, black and white wheel on a wooden stick falls out.] "What's this?"

Ed: "Buttered toast!"

Edd: "That is a hypnotizing wheel. Allow me to demonstrate." [He spins it in front of Ed, causing his eyes to swirl in black and white.] "Ed, listen to my voice. You will become what you've always dreamed of. One...two...three!" [He snaps his fingers.]

[Ed starts dancing. He does some ballet while the other three laugh. He takes Nats hand and starts dancing with her, She giggles as he twirls her around.]

Nat: "Why Ed, What a lovely dancer you are." 

[Ed lets go of Nat. He then grabs Eddy and starts dancing with him. He throws Eddy in the air, and forgets to catch him when he comes down. He then picks up Eddy and does a tango.]

Eddy: "Stop him, Double D."

[Edd and Nat giggle until Eddy gets flung into them.]

Edd: [snapping his fingers] "Back to Ed, please!"

[Ed stops in the middle of his routine. He loses his balance, does the splits, and falls on his face.]

Ed: "Ow. My calves hurt."

Eddy: [picking up the wheel] "I've waited all my life for this opportunity."

Edd: "Oh dear."

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: "Let's go hypnotize more people!"

Edd: "But Eddy, I don't think that's such a good idea."

Nat: "He's right Eddy."

Eddy: "Have I ever steered you wrong?"

Edd: "Yes."

Nat: "Do I need to count?"

[Eddy runs off]

Nat: [sighs] "I guess not."

[Nat and the other two Eds follow.]

[Kevin is riding his bike in circles in the lane. The Eds and Nat peek out from behind some bushes.]

Eddy: "Our first pigeon." [to Kevin] "Oh, Kevin!"

Kevin: "What?"

Eddy: "I just want you to look at something."

Kevin: "Other than looking at a dork?"

Eddy: [chuckling, he pulls out his wheel] "Look closely! Listen to the sound of my voice. [Kevin's eyes swirl in black and white] You will become what I've always wanted you to be." [He snaps his fingers.]

Kevin: [twitching as he undergoes a mental transformation] "Duh! Gah. Yowch! Gloing!" [Transformation complete, he is now clearly a monkey.]

Eddy: "Find the peanut, Kevin." [Kevin goes over to Ed. He then chomps down hard on Ed's forehead. Ed runs screaming with Kevin attached.]

Ed: "AAAHH! GET HIM OFF ME GET HIM OFF!"

[Nat struggles to get Kevin off.]

Eddy: "Bingo."

[Edd scribbles some notes on a notepad.]

[Sarah and Jimmy are playing in a backyard.]

Jimmy: [tugging at something] "Look, Sarah!" [Sarah places a flower in the ground.] "Sarah, plant the daisies next to the rhododendrons." [Kevin leaps on Jimmy and bangs a cup on his head.]

Sarah: "Kevin, get off Jimmy's head!"

Eddy: "Kevin is a slave to my powers." [Eddy has attached the wheel to a turban and added a cape to his ensemble.]

Ed: "He is our pet monkey!"

Sarah: "Get him out of the garden, Ed." [She throws Kevin at Ed, and Ed puts up an arm to protect his face. Kevin climbs down and bites Ed on the butt.]

Ed: "OW! GET HIM OFF!" [He runs away.]

Nat: "Ed wait!" [She runs after him.]

Sarah: "Beat it, Eddy!"

[Eddy spins the wheel. Sarah is transfixed as her eyes swirl in black and white, and when he snaps his fingers she twitches as she undergoes a mental transformation.]

Sarah: "Aah! Aah!" [She lands on the ground in the form of a frog.] "Ribbit." [Eddy laughs evilly.] "Ribbit."

Edd: "Intriguing."

Eddy: [to Jimmy] "So, Jimmy, what do you want to be?" [picking him up] "C'mon, Jimmy, how about a big muscleman!" [He spins the wheel. Jimmy's eyes swirl in black and white as he undergoes mental transformation. Eddy snaps his fingers.]

Jimmy: [suddenly strong] "Grr! Gimme something to bend!" [He tears the flowers apart.]

[Sarah, still a frog, reaches out and snags an insect with her tongue as Edd watches.]

Edd: [scribbling on his pad] "Hmm. Advanced hypno-morphing."

Ed: [still with Kevin on his buttocks and Nat trying to get him off] "EDDY EDDY EDDY EDDY EDDY!"

Eddy: "Yes Ed?"

[He runs into Jimmy, knocking him down.]

Jimmy: "My pecs hurt." [Kevin combs through Jimmy's hair for bugs. Finding one, he smiles and holds it up. Before he can eat it, Sarah grabs it away with her tongue.]

Ed: [worried] "Eddy! If my mom sees Sarah eating bugs I'll be in big trouble!" [Sarah grabs another insect.]

Eddy: [grumpy] "Everybody back to normal." [He snaps his fingers, and the transformations instantly revert. Sarah, particularly grossed out by the bug in her mouth, tries to wring her tongue of the taste.] "See ya, folks! I've got other fish to fry."

[The Eds and Nat leave as Sarah retches.]

[Jonny is playing in the park with Plank.]

Jonny: [going down a slide] "Whee!" [he laughs] "Huh?"

Eddy: "Hello, Jonny."

Jonny: "Hello Eddy."

Eddy: "Enough small talk. It's hypnotizing time!" [He spins the wheel.]

Jonny: "I don't get it. What's Eddy doing, Plank? Plank? PLANK? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, PLANK IS A MINDLESS ZOMBIE! NOOO!" [He runs off screaming.]

Ed: "Can I try? Can I try? Eddy? Just once?" [He grabs the turban.]

Eddy: "Alright, alright." [Ed grins and puts the turban on.]

[Rolf is seen scrubbing Victor clean.]

Ed: "Hiya, Rolf!"

Rolf: [waving] "Hello, fellows! Can I scrub you?"

Ed: "Do you like what you see?"

Rolf: [after a pause] "What?"

Ed: "Look into the circley thing."

Rolf: "You crazy?"

Ed: [to Eddy] "Uh it's not working!"

Eddy: "Spin it, bean dip!"

Ed: [spinning it] "Thanks, Eddy!" [He turns to Rolf. Rolf's eyes instantly swirl in black and white.] "When I snap my fingers, you will be a–uh–a giant man-eating noodle!" [He snaps his fingers.]

[Rolf twitches as he goes through the mental transformations. He then slowly bends, moving forward, and suddenly leaps at Eddy and winds around him. He then tries to pull Eddy underground.]

Ed: "No, wait! You are a big hairy bat!"

[Rolf explodes from under the ground. He makes batlike noises.]

Rolf: "Hmm? May-hee-hee-ha-ha! He-ha-ho!" [He grabs Eddy with his teeth.]

Eddy: "Hey! Hey! AAAH!" [Rolf can be seen actually flying.]

Ed: "Cool."

Ed: "Turn into a zombie!"

[Rolf drops Eddy and stops flying. When he gets up, he is a zombie.]

Eddy: "AAAAHH!"

Ed: "Rolf's good." [as Rolf picks up Eddy] "Okay. Maybe a scary fire-breathing lady–"

Eddy: "Enough! Make it stop!"

Ed: [let down] "Okay. Back to Rolf." [He snaps his fingers.]

Eddy: "Give me that!" [He takes the turban.] "Amateur."

[The kids are all playing in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Meanwhile, Eddy has rigged up a screen, in front of which he stands.]

Eddy: "Ready, Double D?"

Edd: [with a makeshift projector] "Yes, you may proceed." [He starts the projector.]

Eddy: "Hello, friends!" [The kids stop and stare.] "Behold, the great Eddydini! Ha ha!"

[He spins the wheel. The kids all start acting like zombies.]

Eddy: "This is great! I can never get tired of this." [He snaps his fingers, and the kids start acting like fish out of water.]

Nat: "I don't know about this."

Edd: "Hmm."

Ed: [interrupting the broadcast] "HELLO!" [He pretends to be a monster.]

Eddy: "Ed! Make yourself useful." [He hands monkey Kevin off to Ed.]

Ed: "Here monkey!" [leading him to the kids] "Okay, do your stuff." [Kevin holds out his cup, and all the kids donate quarters.]

Edd: "The mind is amazing, eh Nat?"

Nat: "Yes, very much."

Ed: "Oh, you are welcome." [Kevin pounds Edd's chest with his cup. Edd grumpily gives him a quarter.]

Lee: [offscreen] "Look at me, I'm a movie star!" [We now see that she's taken over Eddy's show.]

May: [pushing Lee out of the way] "I'm a TV star!"

Marie: [pushing Lee out of the way] "You've been canceled. I'm a TV star!"

[Ed, Nat, Edd, and Kevin scream.]

Lee: "I want to thank the academy."

Eddy: "Prepare to be mesmerated!" [He spins the wheel.]

Lee: "No way I'll be mesmerated. I eat my roughage!"

Eddy: "Oh, but you will! Just look into-!" [He stops, realizing her hair is in her eyes.] "Get your hair out of your eyes." [He tries to move it out of the way.]

Lee: "Don't touch my hair, squirt!"

[She throws him off, and his turban comes loose. She picks it up and looks at it.]

Lee: "What's this?"

Eddy: [indignant] "Give that back!"

[She spins the wheel, and the Kankers cackle evilly.]

[Lee is in the Kanker's trailer, painting her nails. Marie comes along and plops down next to her on the couch.]

Lee: "Watch it, Marie."

Marie: "Oh, shut your trap."

May: [with a drink in her hand] "Hey! I was sitting there!"

Marie: "Times change."

[A dog howls.]

The Kankers: "Huh?"

Marie: "Lee! Go tell those blasted dogs to keep it down."

Lee: "Alright, alright." [She opens the trailer door.] "WOULD YOU DOGS SHUT UP?!?!?"

[The dogs in question are the Eds. They are tied to a stake in the ground. Apparently the Kankers hypno-morphed them into dogs.]

Ed: "Woof! Woof!"

[Lee takes off her shoe and throws it at them. The Eds gather around it.]

Lee: "That's better. Keep it that way."

[She slams the door and goes inside. The Eds, go after the shoe and fight over it. Nat shows up tired and unties them.]

Nat: [to all three] "Sometimes I question if I'm your friend or your babysitter."

[Nat grabs the leashes.]

Nat: "Come on, before they notice."

[Nat walks away while holding the leashes with The Eds, still behaving like dogs.]


	14. Tag Yer Ed

[A box of Chunky Puffs is sitting in a cupboard. On the cover it says "Free Prize!"]

Ed: [grabbing it] "Yum yum yum!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Chunky Puffs!"

Eddy: [grabbing the box] "Ooh, a prize."

Ed: "What is it?" [He takes the box.] "Low in fat. Cool!"

Eddy: "Don't wreck your brain, Ed." [He steals the box back and rummages through it.] "You gotta know where to look!"

Ed: [leaping on Eddy] "Give me my fat!" [looking through the box, he pulls out Eddy] "Oh, look! No fat, but I got an Eddy prize!"

Eddy: "Yeah? Well I got the SUPER STUFFED MARSHMALLOW SURPRISE!" [He pulls the prize out and stuffs it in Ed's mouth.]

Edd: [taking the box from Ed] "You should chew your food, Ed."

Nat: "Your making a mess."

Eddy: "Any time you feel like letting me go there, Lumpy, I'd really–" [Ed drops him.]

[The Eds and Nat are at the kitchen table.]

Edd: "Allow me to pour your milk?"

Eddy: "I love Chunky Puffs!"

[The milk comes out as a big glob. It has clearly rotted. Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Eddy: "I hate chunky milk."

Ed: "I know where we can get new milk!"

[The Eds and Nat are looking over the fence at Rolf's backyard. Ed has a bucket with him.]

Eddy: "Are you sure about this, Ed?"

Ed: "Oh, yeah, I've seen Rolf do it before. It's easy."

[The Eds and Nat enter the shed. Inside is Rolf's cow.]

Nat: "I don't think this is a good idea."

Edd: "I'm not sure this is legal."

Eddy: "Sure it is! Cows are public property. Like trees. So, how's it work?"

Ed: "Uh, Rolf did some stuff and milk came out."

Eddy: [wiggling the cow's tail] "How hard can it be?" [Ed sticks his head in one of the cow's nostrils.] "Any milk yet, Ed?"

Ed: "Milk? Uh, not yet Eddy."

Nat: "I don't think that's right Ed."

Cow: "MROO."

Ed: [with his head in the cow's nostril] "AAAAAHHH!"

Eddy: "AAAHH! It said something!"

Edd: "Your techniques are incorrect, Eddy. To extract milk from a cow, you must use its udder." [He points at the udders.]

Eddy: [after a long pause] "I ain't touching that."

Ed: "You first, Double D."

Edd: "Oh, look, my shoe's untied." [He bends over and leaves.]

Ed: "Mine too!" [He exits in the same manner, sticking one of his feet in the air.]

Nat: "I dropped something outside." [She also leaves.]

[The Eds and Nat are on a log in the Lane, eating dry cereal.]

Edd: "Gracious Ed, don't you have any manners?" [He plucks one Puff from the box and eats it.] "May I have another?" [A football hits him on the side of the head, knocking him off the log.]

Kevin: "C'mon, dork, throw it over!"

Edd: "Certainly, Kevin. Here it comes!" [He throws it up in the air. It comes down and ends up in approximately its initial position.] "Huh?" [He attempts to roll it but it doesn't go far.]

Kevin: [laughing] "You throw like a two-year-old."

Rolf: "Ya, and two-year-olds are not even good at stuffing sausages!" [They both laugh.]

Edd: [humbled] "Well um...my skills aren't uh–"

Nat: "Please leave him alone."

Eddy: "He'll show you!"

Kevin: "Show me what, his butterfly collection?"

Rolf: "Ya, and butterflies cannot stuff sausages either!"

Kevin: [walking away with Rolf] "Stop with the sausage stuff, Rolf, you're killing me!"

Rolf: [in the distance] "You crazy?"

Kevin: "Ha!"

Nat: "Don't listen to them Double D."

Eddy: "Don't let him get away with that!"

Edd: "But I do have quite an extensive collection of butterflies."

Nat: [smiling] "Really? Can I see them?"

Edd: [blushing] "O-Oh u-uh-"

Eddy: [interrupting] "We need to help you with your confidence, Double D."

[The kids are playing in the lane as Ed carries a bunch of homemade exercise equipment outside, Eddy, Nat and Edd in tow.]

Eddy: "Where ya going, Double D? The punching sock awaits." [He turns Edd towards the sock.] "Let's see what's in those puny, skinny sticks you call arms."

Nat: "Eddy I don't think this is necessary."

Edd: "I'm not really comfortable with this, Eddy."

Eddy: "Go on! Whack it!"

[Edd takes a jab at it. He hits it, and his arm crumples. His hand immediately swells up in pain. The sock, on the other hand, does not move one inch. Nat cringes as she watches.]

Edd: "GAHOH!" [to Eddy] "Eddy, training is painful."

Eddy: "You're just starting to feel the burn, Double D!"

Kevin: [appearing behind them] "Yeah, you better get some ointment, Double Dork." [raising his football] "Hey Rolf! Incoming!"

Eddy: [walking Edd over to the treadmill] "Forget him. Your brittle bones will be as strong as steel after this!"

Edd: "I could just increase my calcium intake–"

Eddy: "Aw come on. All you gotta do is run!"

[Edd tries it. He quickly slips off the treadmill with a scream and lands at Kevin's feet.]

Kevin: [laughing] "Oh, my ribs!"

Rolf: "Sausage and ribs, yes?"

Eddy: "Forget them. This one will be easy." [He holds out a jump rope.] "Go for it, Sockhead!"

[Edd attempts it once and fails completely. The kids all laugh at him.]

Edd: [walking up to a dumbbell in front of Eddy] "Oh let's quit now, this is embarrassing!"

Eddy: "You can't quit! We're just warming up!"

[Edd is in position to lift the dumbbell.]

Eddy: "When I'm done with you, you'll be the next Charles Cullis Supreme."

Edd: "But Eddy, muscle expenditure can cause unsightly stretch marks."

Eddy: "Your brain's the only thing with stretch marks. LIFT!"

Edd: "I really don't think I can."

[Edd attempts to lift it. He somehow manages to do it, and it goes over his head. While he is unsteady, he has still managed to lift the dumbbell.]

Edd: [excited] "LOOK!" [One dumbbell falls off, and he tilts to the side that kept its weight.]

Ed: "Good job, Double D!" [He throws a handful of Chunky Puffs at him, and the kids laugh. Nat facepalms and sighs. Edd, mortified, pulls his hat down over his face.]

Nat: [taking Edds hand] "C'mon Double D."

[Nat walks away with Edd with his hat still over his face as Ed and Eddy follow.]

Eddy: "This is harder than I thought."

Eddy: [carrying a plastic tree to a makeshift wrestling ring in the construction zone] "This'll prove to everyone that Double D's a champ!"

Ed: [stretching the ropes to the tree in order to complete the ring] "Look out Eddy!"

Nat: "Eddy please Double D's had enough."

Eddy. "Stay outta this Turtleneck!"

[Nat sighs]

Eddy: [seeing that the ring is complete] "Bingo." [knocking on a porta-potty door] "Everything's set up! Get outta there!"

Edd: [peeking out from the Masked Mumbler] "Eddy, wrestling? Please." [He shuts the door.]

Eddy: "C'mon Double D, wrestling is the ultimate de-wimpifier." [after Edd doesn't give in] "Okay, don't come out. You can live in there forever."

Edd: "But it smells funny."

Eddy: [dragging him out] "Cool. You'll be world champion in no time!"

[Edd is in full battle regalia. His uniform consists of a red leotard with a belt around the waist and a plunger on top of his head.]

Edd: "I don't wanna fight, Eddy."

Eddy: "What are you talking about? Wrestling ain't about fighting. It's all strategy and tactics!"

Edd: [interested] "Like chess!"

Eddy: "Exactly! Now, let's find you a challenging opponent."

[Jonny is sitting in the lane with Plank. He feeds Plank a spoonful of yogurt and then feeds himself one.]

Jonny: "Leave some for me, Plank!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Okay, okay! You must have a hollow leg, you piggy."

[While Jonny is looking away, Eddy replaces Plank with a hollow stump. This stump, like Plank, has a face drawn on it in crayon.]

Jonny: "Here you go." [seeing the change] "Ooh, oh, Plank. You've certainly let yourself go. No more sweets for you!"

[Eddy bangs on a pan with a spoon. A close-up of Edd's masked face is seen, followed by a shot of Plank, sitting on a chair in a corner of the ring.]

Edd: "This is not good." [clutching at Eddy] "Eddy, please reconsider. He's frightening me!"

Eddy: "Plank's just playing mind games." [walking Edd to the center of the ring] "Don't fall for it. Look him straight in the eyes, and watch out for those sharp corners." [banging the pan again] "Get it on!"

Edd: [after Plank falls on his foot] "Yow! Ig! Goo! Ouch!" [he steps on Plank and slips] "Eddy! Help me!" [Plank hits a rope and is propelled directly at Edd. Plank hits Edd on the side of his head. Nat pulls her sweater collar over her face, struggling to watch.]

Eddy: [catching Plank] "Double D! Here! Take him down!" [He hauls Edd to his feet and hands Plank over.]

Edd: [struggling with Plank] "Corners!"

Eddy: "Throw him!"

[Edd throws him.]

Eddy: "Get angry!"

Edd: "Grrr. Ow. That gives me a headache, Eddy."

Eddy: "Well then, you should sit and rest."

Edd: "Oh, boy..."

Eddy: [setting Edd on Plank] "Easy does it. Ha ha! One two three. And the winner is...The Masked Mumbler!"

[Other than Nat clapping nobody is around to witness Edd's glorious victory.]

Eddy: "If there was a crowd, they'd be going wild!"

Jonny: [angry] "You guys think you're so smart. You guys are just a bunch of phonies!"

Eddy: "Plank lost, fair and square." [He laughs.] "Get it? Square? Plank?"

Jonny: "Cheaters!" [He kicks Edd in the shin. Edd, stumbling around in pain, runs into the Kankers, who have suddenly appeared.]

Eddy: "Kankers. Who invited you?"

Lee: [bullying Eddy] "What are you doing here?"

Ed: [still eating Chunky Puffs] "We're wrestling!"

Lee: "Wrestling, ha!" [to Eddy] "I love it when you raise your eyebrow like that."

Eddy: "Oh, you're not getting to me, Lee Kanker."

Lee: "You Eds are so cute when you do stupid stuff." [The Kankers laugh.]

Eddy: [unable to come up with a retort] "Who–uh–ahh!"

Lee: "Ha! I say we wrestle you! May and Marie are great at purple nurples."

Eddy: "You're on, Kankers!"

Ed: "What's a purple nurple?"

Edd: "I think it has something to do with a strudel filling."

Ed: "Cool!"

[Rolf is underneath his cow, milking it. He pulls out a cup and offers it to Jimmy.]

Rolf: "Please pass down this milk, my cow is quite gorged."

Jonny: "Plank is thirsty."

Kevin: "Those Eds are gonna get thrashed!"

Eddy: [announcing the match] "Welcome to the Cul-de-sac Wrestling Championship! Here, all the way from the other side of the lane, you know 'em, you love 'em, you can't live without 'em, The Erupting Eds!"

[The Eds pose. Some mild clapping is heard.]

Eddy: [now talking in a "don't care" type of voice] "And, the Calcified Kankers."

[The crowd boos the Kankers. Lee growls.]

Eddy: "Here's your chance, Double D. Get in there!"

Edd: [trying to leave the ring] "But Eddy, I bruise easily."

Eddy: [holding up a toilet paper roll] "You're covered."

Edd: "Eddy! Washroom cleanliness won't help me now!"

Eddy: "No, but these knee pads will!"

Edd: "But-but Eddy!"

Ed: "Cool, Double D!" [Edd has toilet paper rolls on all four limbs.]

Edd: "Are they at least two-ply?"

Marie: [leaping into the ring] "Come to mama!"

Edd: [grabbing one of the ropes as Eddy drags him to center stage] "Oh no! Eddy, stop! Please!"

Eddy: "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAA–" [Edd's grip slips.]

Edd: "Oh dear." [He winds up right next to Marie, sitting down.] "Hello, Marie."

Marie: "Hiya, muffin. Let's play!" [She then proceeds to use him as a jump rope.]

Eddy: [watching in horror] "Double D's a goner."

Rolf: "Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft!"

[Marie is then shown wrapping him in his toilet paper. She finishes tying him up.]

Marie: "Here comes your prize!" [She then attempts to kiss him. Edd runs away, and she giggles.]

Edd: "Okay, that's it. Tag me tag me tag me!"

[Ed tags him and jumps into the middle of the ring.]

Ed: "Take me to your leader!" [He runs in circles around May.]

Eddy: "Give 'em the burrhead bump, Ed!"

Ed: [covered in Kankers] "I can't, Eddy. My mom says I can't fight girls." [He tags Eddy.] "Tag!"

May: "Let's kiss him!"

[Eddy screams and runs away.]

The Kankers: "Come back, dumpling!"

[The other two Eds continue to eat Chunky Puffs. Lee catches Eddy and proceeds to beat him up by playing him like an accordion.]

Rolf: [dancing] "I love this music, it is so shiny."

Eddy: "AAAUUH."

Rolf: "This is better than counting chickens. Look!"

Eddy: [being lifted by the Kankers, who have formed a tower] "AAAH! HELP!" [They throw him into a frying pan that Lee is holding. She flips him like a pancake.]

Lee: "I just love home cooking!" [She flips him to the top, where Marie spins him.]

Marie: "Spin, dry, and tumble!" [She throws him down and lands on him. She then proceeds to throw him into the ropes.]

Ed: "Hi Eddy!"

Eddy: "HELP!"

[Eddy rebounds off the ropes towards the middle of the ring. The Kankers have rigged up their own slingshot on the other end, and they send Lee flying straight towards Eddy. She hits him dead-on and proceeds to beat the Eds up.]

Kevin: "Whoa, cool!"

Jonny: "Close your eyes, Plank!"

Jimmy: "Holy cow!"

Sarah: "Ewww!"

Rolf: "Ha-ha!"

Kevin: "Purple nurples."

Eddy: "WAAAH!"

Edd: "Not good! Not good!"

[Ed laughs.]

Nat: "Hey Kankers!"

[They all turn and look at Nat who is standing in the port-a-potty]

Nat: "Come get me instead!"

[The Kankers all charge at Nat but she manages to step out of the way leading to them jumping into the port-a-potty as she blocks the door.]

Nat: "I'm sorry!"

[The Kankers continue to pound on the door as Nat walks away to The Eds.]

Nat: "Are you guys ok?"

The Eds: [injured] "We're fine."

Nat: "C'mon let's go."

[Nat helps the Eds up and proceed to walk away with them.]

Kevin: "Nat really showed them."

Rolf: "Ya, perhaps we should take up basket weaving." [They walk away.]

[Ed pulls out the box of Chunky Puffs and proceeds to eat.]

Eddy: "Hey! Give me some of those!"

[Ed spills some cereal on Eddy's face. Edd and Nat pick up some of it and eat.]

Nat: "Can I still see your collection Double D?"

Edd: "I would be honored to show you Nat."

[Nat smiles.]


	15. Fool on the Ed

[Eddy is running, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. He stops and goes into a slide. He slides straight into Ed's window and lands on his feet.]

Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "Hi Eddy. What a surprise. Could you pass me the glue?"

Eddy: "Sure, Ed." [Ed giggles.]

[Eddy walks over to get the glue bottle. He puts his hand around it and then notices there is a wire. The wire leads around a few pipes to a radiator, above his head.]

Eddy: [holding the radiator above Ed's head] "Here's your glue, Ed." [He drops the radiator on him.]

Ed: "Ouch." [When he rises, he has two lumps on his head and a rope tied to his back.]

Eddy: [climbing out Ed's window] "Nice try, Ed. Let's get Double D."

Ed: "Okay, Eddy."

[Ed walks forward, pulling the rope taut. When it stretches to its full length, something tips, spilling white goop all over him. Ed, blinded, steps back onto a dumbell and rolls backwards, into a wall.]

Eddy: [laughing, as Ed now has a table stuck to him] "C'mon, Ed, quit fooling around. Let's go." [He holds out a hand to help him up.] "Alley-oop." [He pulls Ed.]

Ed: "The window's–" [Eddy pulls him.] "–too small, Eddy." [Eddy pulls again, and keeps straining.]

Eddy: "Gee, Ed, you need to work out."

[He finally pulls Ed out. He comes out as a strange statue, with him (in his underwear) at the peak, glued to the table. Eddy laughs.]

Ed: "I'm ready. Can we go now?"

[Ed and Eddy rush to Edd's house. Eddy climbs up a tree outside an upper story window and swings inside. Ed tries to copy him, but hits the wall instead and plummets to the ground. In his room, Edd is mixing chemicals. Eddy comes up behind his chair.]

Eddy: "Whatcha doin', Double D?"

Edd: "Did you wipe your feet?"

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: "Phone."

Edd: "Uh, could you please answer that?"

Eddy: "Yeah, sure." [grumpily] "What am I, everybody's errand boy?" [Edd chuckles to himself.]

[Eddy reaches the phone. As he reaches it, he sees something on it. The something is three sticky notes.]

Eddy: "Pick me up, huh?"

[Edd is giggling in the foreground while Eddy talks in the background.]

Eddy: "Hello. Yeah? Oh, really? Double D? Sure, hang on."

[Edd's hand inadvertently tilts, and he spills a test tube full of one solution into a beaker. A huge explosion results, sending him across the room, through his bed and into the wall.]

Eddy: [walking in] "Oh, Double D! Nat is on the phone and wants to talk to you."

Edd: "M-m-me?" [He dusts himself off.] "How do I look, Eddy?"

Eddy: [placing roller skates in the hall] "It's a phone call, Romeo."

Edd: "Thank you, Ed–" [he steps on the skates] "–d-d-D-DY! WHOAA! WAAAH!" [He hits a ramp made of books.] "Gulah." [Edd falls into a bucket of water on a spring placed in his path.] "D'OH!" [The resulting rebound catapults him up and into a bag of flour on a pedastal on a spring.] "WHOA!" [Said spring sends him flying off.] "Huh? YAAAHH!" [Eddy waits at the other end of the hall, chewing some gum. He blows a giant bubble which Edd flies into.] "AAAAH!" [This does nothing to slow Edd, and he flies out the window.] "WHOAA!" [Edd crashes into some bushes.] "Puleah!"

[Eddy comes up to them, laughing. Nat then shows up.]

Nat: "Hey guys! What's going on?"

Eddy: "Hey Nat, pull my finger."

Nat: [confused] "Um ok."

[Nat holds on to Eddys finger.]

Edd: "No Nat don't-"

[Edd warns Nat to late as she pulls Eddys finger and he farts. She gags and pulls her sweater collar over her nose as he laughs.]

Nat: "Oh Eddy!"

Eddy: [putting a finger under Ed's nose] "You guys and girl are so easy!" [He twangs Ed's nose, and Ed falls back onto a whoopie cushion.]

Ed: "Excuse me."

Eddy: [pulling out the whoopie cushion, he blows it in Ed's face] "Keep trying." [He shakes hands with Edd. Apparently he has a joy buzzer on as well.] "Maybe one day you'll get lucky!" [congratulating himself] "I am truly the king of ALL the PRANKSTERS! I'll bet that before sundown, I can prank this entire cul-de-sac! Are you with me?"

Edd: "Like we have a choice?"

Nat: "I don't think we do."

[Rolf is slopping the hogs while the Eds and Nat hide behind some bushes.]

Rolf: "Ya-ha! Hello. Here's some good eats for you!" [He goes into his shed.]

Eddy: "Our first pigeon."

Ed: "A pigeon? No that is Rolf."

Eddy: "Shut up Ed."

[A sudden noise comes from the shed, and Rolf comes flying out in a barrel, with a bucket on his head. He lands facedown in mud.]

Eddy: "Hey Rolf. What's up?"

Edd: "Are you all right, Rolf?"

Nat: "Are you hurt?"

Rolf: [raising his head] "Who's gotten Rolf's polyester perma-press all filthy?" [The Eds and Nat share looks of confusion.]

Ed: "Rolf's got a card on his head."

[Eddy plucks the card from Rolf's head. It is a Joker with the word "Joker" crossed out and Prank Master written in bold over most of the card.]

Nat: "A Joker card?"

Edd: "That reads Prank Master?"

Rolf: "Yes, I think so. A mysterious jokester who's been plagueing our cul-de-sac."

Eddy: [getting paranoid] "Someone's crowding me."

[The Eds and Nat are loping down the street.]

Eddy: "This stinks! This Prank Master's an amateur! I am the KING of PRANKS!"

[A sudden noise from a tree makes them look up. Jonny pops out, wearing a diaper.]

Jonny: "Ah! Ow! Ee! Oh! Ah!"

Eddy: [laughing with his compadres] "Jonny! You'll get a rash in that!"

[Plank flies out, a card nailed to his face. The Eds abruptly stop laughing.]

Eddy: "Plank! Stand back, boys!"

[Ed plucks the card from Plank's face. It is the Prank Master's signature. The boys gasp.]

The Eds and Nat: "The Prank Master!"

Nat: "He strikes again!"

Edd: "He's such a horrible printer!"

Ed: "Here! You hold it, Double D!"

Edd: "I have no idea where it's been!"

Eddy: [trying to disguise his fear] "Relax, guys. Anybody can fool Jonny 2x4." [He looks back at Jonny.] "AAH! JONNY!" [Jonny has mysteriously disappeared.]

Edd: [frightened] "It seems the Prank Master has the upper hand, Eddy."

Nat: [also frightened] "What if he comes after us next?"

Eddy: "Look, no Prank Master's gonna prank us, okay?" [after a pause] "Oh, uh, is that the tea kettle boiling?" [He takes off, and his friends follow.]

[The Eds and Nat are running for the hills. They come to a street corner where Sarah is heading in the other direction. Sarah steps on a square which collapses and drops her into the sewers.]

Sarah: "Mommy!"

[The Eds and Nat are running down the lane. Something falls in front of them.]

The Eds and Nat: "AAAAH!" [The something is revealed to be a giant flyswatter; it has just swatted Kevin.] "Not cool! Not cool!"

[The Eds and Nat are running down another street. Jimmy opens a gift, revealing a giant inflatable doll.]

Jimmy: "AAH!"

[The Eds and Nat head the other way, and see Jonny get spring-shot into the air. Going another direction, a bear trap closes on Kevin's tushy.]

Kevin: "Yowch!" [As with all the other pranks, a Prank Master card is found at the scene of the crime.]

[The Eds and Nat run to the playground and dive into the sandbox. Cards rain down along the edges, surrounding the Eds and Nat.]

Nat: "There's nobody left!"

Edd: "The Prank Master has gotten everyone. We're next!"

[The Eds and Nat lie in the sandbox, quivering with fear.]

[Eddy peeks out of his house, wearing a makeshift helmet.]

Eddy: "C'mon."

[He exits. As he does, we see that he is carrying a shield and a golf club.]

Ed: [peeking out the door with Edd and Nat] "Uh, we- 

Nat: "-really don't–"

Edd: "–want to."

Eddy: [covering their mouths] "Ssh." [He pulls them out. They stand in a circle, facing outward.] "Keep your eyes peeled."

[The Eds and Nat shift around, moving from one point to the next.]

Ed: "I am dizzy."

[The Eds and Nat move until Ed sees something.]

Ed: "Look!"

Eddy: "W-w-w-what?"

[Ed points at a golden jawbreaker, gleaming in the sun.]

Ed: "Jawbreaker. Finders keepers!" [He runs to get it. Edd, Nat and Eddy grab his coattail and hold him back.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Ed, no!"

Nat: [holding Ed back] "Don't do it!"

Eddy: [holding Ed back] "It's a trap!"

Edd: "I agree. It could be bait for an insidious prank."

[Eddy creeps up to it and taps it with his golf club. He then pokes it, and it rolls forward a few paces.]

Eddy: "See anything?"

Ed: "Poke it again."

[Eddy pokes it again. This time, it rolls all the way to the corner.]

Ed: "I say eat it!"

Eddy: "That's exactly what he wants us to do!"

Edd: "Perhaps not."

Nat: "How do you know?"

Eddy: "Ssh. Look." [Sarah and Jimmy approach it.]

Sarah: "Look, Jimmy, a jawbreaker! Looks yummy."

Jimmy: [He licks it a few times and then puts it in his mouth.] "Fuschia!"

Sarah: [walking off with Jimmy] "Let's see if there's more."

Eddy: [irritated] "You see? It was just a jawbreaker!"

Nat: "That's not what you said."

Ed: "You said it was a trap."

Edd: "That's correct, Eddy."

Eddy: "Uh-uh-look out. Behind you!"

Edd: [turning around] "What is it?" [Eddy ties his hat to his underwear.] "AAH! Hello!"

[Eddy buckles over laughing. Ed knocks Eddy's helmet off and pulls Eddy's underwear over his head.]

Ed: "Ride em cowboy!"

Edd and Eddy: [wedgieing Ed] "Liftoff!"

Ed: "Whoa-ho-ho!" 

Nat: "Um guys."

[The Eds stop and see the kids laughing.]

Eddy: "What are you laughing at?"

Kevin: "You twerps fell for it."

Eddy: "Fell for what? The Prank Master never pranked us."

Rolf: [as the other kids laugh] "We pranked you, Ed-boys and Nat-girl, there is no Prank Master."

Sarah: [on the corner with Jimmy] "Yeah. We pretended to be pranked."

Jimmy: "Gotcha."

[The kids all walk off.]

Eddy: "You're messing with the king here!" [to his friends] "Let's go."

[The Eds exit, still wedgied, with Nat.]

[Edd is looking through binoculars at the kids. He with the other two Eds and Nat are in a garage.]

Edd: "The kids are playing in the cul-de-sac, Eddy."

Eddy: "This is so perfect." [He is standing beside a machine. He grabs a jar of fish heads and a bottle of bean juice.] "They think they're so smart. Ha! What saps." [He pours a test tube's contents into a funnel on the machine. They travel through a hose into what seems like a giant balloon.]

Ed: "Whoa, way big."

Eddy: "Gentlemen and Lady, the El Mongo Stink Bomb."

[The bomb is indeed gigantic. It is 3/4 filled with a green liquid, and floating above the ground, supported by 4 balloons.]

Eddy: "My brother showed me how to make it. Before he went away." [grabbing Ed] "Isn't it beautiful?"

Nat: "Well it's something."

Edd: "The odor should be quite impressive."

Eddy: "Just one more ingredient." [Ed begins to chuckle.] "And it'll be finished!" [Eddy is holding Ed's left leg. He pulls off Ed's shoe and then takes his sock.] "Sweet!" [He heaves the sock onto a pole Edd is holding. Nat is covering her nose.]

Edd: "Guh."

Eddy: "Easy now."

Edd: "Smelly smelly smelly." [The pole is maneuvered over the bomb and dropped in. It sinks nearly to the bottom before turning to threads.]

Eddy: "Double D, activate the sequence! Open the door, Ed!" [He laughs maniacally.]

Edd: "Slowly." [He pulls a lever. The hose disconnects, and a propeller at the rear starts.] "Eureka!"

Eddy: [cutting a rope] "Let's get stinky."

[The bomb moves forward steadily, leaving the garage.]

Ed: "Bye bye sock."

[Everything is going well until the bomb catches on the edges of the garage door. It stays there and refuses to budge.]

Nat: "It's stuck."

Edd: "Oh dear. We haven't got much time."

[The Eds and Nat all try to push it out. Ed gets a running start and is bounced off of the bomb before any of his force can be transmitted.]

Eddy: "Push this stupid stink bomb!"

[The bomb explodes. A wave of stink rushes out over the cul-de-sac.]

Edd: [howling] "I CAN'T BREATHE!"

Nat: [wheezing] I'M. SUFFOCATING!"

[The kids all sniff the air. Shortly after, they head inside screaming. The Eds and Nat, meanwhile, stumble around just outside the garage, dazed and confused.]

Ed: "Something smells good!"

Nat: [pinching her nose shut] "I can't say the same."

Edd: [also pinching his nose shut] "It is said that scent is a gateway to one's true inner essence."

Eddy: "Yes! I stink, therefore I am!"

[Eddy faints, and Ed sniffs the air happily.]


	16. A Boy and His Ed

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are rushing down the lane, carrying a door on their backs.]

Ed: "Dig a hole, dig a hole." [He dumps a cupful of dirt on a pile of the stuff.] "Dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole." [There is a huge trench stretching across the lane.]

Nat: "Hi Ed!"

Eddy: "Hey, Mole-boy!"

Edd: "Careful, Ed, we're about to drop the–"

Eddy: "Door!" [He drops it, creating a bridge across the trench.] "Perfect fit. Sarah'll never miss it." [Eddy walks across the bridge.]

Eddy: [looking over a fence, holding a hose] "Ready, Double D?"

Edd: "Ready when you are, Eddy."

[Edd begins to turn a crank attached to the bridge, lifting it. Eddy sucks on the end of the hose. Soon enough, water comes out through his ears, and he uses it to fill the ditch.]

Eddy: "We're gonna be rich, I tell ya."

[The hose leads to a kiddie pool in which Sarah and Jimmy are playing. It sucks out all of the water.]

Jimmy: "Sarah, I think we sprung a leak."

Sarah: "ED!"

Ed: [hearing his sister in the distance] "That sounded like Sarah."

Eddy: "Nah, it was a truck backfiring."

Edd: "Look, it's working!" [The moat is indeed filling.]

Eddy: "See? Everyone'll have to cross our toll moat to get to the lane! Brings tears to your eyes, don't it?"

Ed: [knocking on the door and entering] "The door works!" [He steps into the moat.]

Eddy: "Ed! Your sponge brain'll soak up all the water!" [Edd and Nat laugh.]

[Ed swims underwater. He finds the hose which, as he watches, spits out Jimmy's swim trunks. He surfaces, trunks on his head.]

Eddy: "Well, if it ain't the ugly duckling."

Ed: [attempting to chomp Eddy] "I'm a crocodile, Eddy."

[Nat giggles]

Edd: "Kevin approaches!" [Kevin comes down the lane, a huge box in his arms.]

Eddy: "Greetings, weary traveler! For a small toll, you can cross the moat."

Kevin: "Huh? Yeah, right. I'm just here to–"

Eddy: [sticking the bowl in his face] "Only fifty cents! And we'll lower the bridge to the land of the lane."

Kevin: "I was gonna give you guys and girl something." [He pushes the pole back across, the pan hitting Eddy.]

Eddy: "Hit the road! I've heard that one before."

Kevin: "You've probably heard this one before, too: Dork!" [He leaves.]

Edd: "I think Kevin was really gonna give us something, Eddy."

Eddy: "Yeah. Lip."

[Jonny and Plank come down the lane, each sucking on a jawbreaker.]

Jonny: "Aren't these jawbreakers good, Plank?" [He almost steps into the moat; he is able to keep his balance, however, and get back to dry land.]

Ed: "I'm a croco–" [the door slams down on him] "–dile."

Eddy: [having crossed over to talk to Jonny up close] "Hey, Jonny. Where'd you get that jawbreaker, hmm?"

Jonny: "Kevin just gave Plank and me one for free! Isn't that right, Plank?"

[The Eds and Nat beat it down the lane, looking for Kevin.]

Eddy: "Quick! We gotta find Kevin!"

[They come upon Sarah and Jimmy, the former still in her swimsuit and the latter with an inner tube, with jawbreakers in their mouths.]

Eddy: "Where'd you get those jawbreakers?"

Sarah: "Kevin gave them to us."

Jimmy: "He's got a whole box."

Sarah: "Didn't you get one?"

Jimmy: "Mmm! They're so good!"

Eddy: "A whole box?" [shaking his friends] "A WHOLE BOX! FREE JAWBREAKERS!"

[Rolf is sucking on a jawbreaker and placing a stamp on a fish.]

Rolf: "Our modern postal system will ensure my relatives have fresh fish for dinner."

[Rolf drops the fish in the mailbox. He then pulls another jawbreaker from his pocket and begins sucking two at once. The Eds and Nat run into him.]

Rolf: "Ed-boys and Nat-girl, why are you in such a hurry?"

Eddy: "Rolf, where's Kevin?"

Edd: "He has a whole box of jawbreakers!"

Nat: "And we're trying to get some!"

Ed: "And I'm Ed."

Rolf: "Ya, Kevin's father has a new job at the jawbreaker factory. And his garage is full of jawbreakers, and he's giving them out for free."

The Eds and Nat: "FREE JAWBREAKERS!"

Eddy: "A garageful!"

[Nazz and Kevin are in Nazz's backyard.]

Kevin: "...anyways, I thought you might like this." [He hands her a jawbreaker.]

Eddy: "Kevin! We'll take four."

Kevin: "Too late, all gone." [he tosses the box to them] "Losers."

Ed: "Hey, free box." [He climbs in.] "Hello, where did everybody go? Guys?"

Eddy: "Rolf said that Kevin's garage is full of jawbreakers." [running for Kevin's house] "C'mon, guys and girl, the motherlode awaits!"

Edd: "Hurry, Ed!"

Nat: "Let's go!"

Ed: "Anyone got a breath mint?" [He trips and falls due to still being inside the box. Nevertheless, he runs off.]

[The Eds and Nat are in a tree, spying on Kevin.]

Eddy: "Ssh! Ed!"

[Kevin goes into his house, and the Eds and Nat head for the garage window.]

The Eds and Nat: [transfixed] "Cool."

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "This is absolutely incredible!"

Ed: "I've never seen so many jawbreakers!"

Eddy: "It's not fair. I've gotta have one!" [He goes around the side of the house and tries to open the garage door.] "One lousy candy-coated–what's with this door!?!"

Ed: "If only I brought my Anti-Gravity Despectilizer to re-pixel the hot-and-cold tumbler on that lock."

[Nat looks confused]

Edd: "Earth to Ed?"

Eddy: "What are we gonna do?"

Edd: "I'm certain if we learned more about Kevin that he'd be more than happy to share his jawbreakers."

Eddy: [incredulous] "Be Kevin's friends? We have a better chance of Ed growing a chin!"

Nat: "Is that possible?"

Ed: "I wish I had four stomachs."

[A school bell rings.]

Edd: "Good day, class." [Edd has drawn Kevin on a chalkboard.] "Our subject for today is Kevin. Kevin is a young man, filled with contradictions, and a garage full of jawbreakers. If we look at this graph, you'll see the evolution of the Kevin is not consistent to normal lineage. It's a bit–"

[Edd continues in the background. While Edd is talking, Nat listens closely, Eddy taps Ed on the shoulder farthest from him. When Ed looks in that direction, Eddy throws a crumpled up piece of paper at him. Ed retaliates by throwing a notepad at Eddy.]

Edd: "Ed!" [Ed stops laughing.] "I seem to be boring you. Why don't you tell us about Kevin?"

Eddy: "Yeah, Ed. Tell us."

[Ed sits at his desk, speechless.]

Edd: "Just as I thought. May I continue?"

Ed: "Ooh! I have a question, Double D!"

Edd: "Yes Ed?"

Ed: "Is it naptime?"

Edd: [the board is filled with charts and diagrams] "I'm afraid we have much to discuss. You'll have to wait until after class."

Ed: "For what?"

Eddy: "Forget this! We're wasting time! Let's just go take the jawbreakers!"

Edd: "I anticipated your plans, Eddy. However, stealing has dire consequences." [He points to a drawing of Eddy in jail.] "Using the versatile medium of peat moss, I have constructed a life-size replica of Kevin! I believe it's quite accurate." [Spitballs splatter the statue.]

Eddy: "Not bad, huh burrhead?"

[Ed puts a book in his mouth and chews it to pulp. He then tries to blow it through a straw, but the paper mush gets stuck halfway through the straw.]

Ed: "Oh no. My brain came out!"

Eddy: "That's too big to be your brain."

Edd: "Can I resume the lesson?" [after a brief pause] "Now, what's the first thing you notice about Kevin here?"

Eddy: "His chin is almost as big as yours?"

Edd: "Um, no I was trying to indicate the um, uh, the–" [He pulls his shirt up to try and hide his chin.]

Eddy: "Those three stupid hairs on his head?"

Nat: "His clothes?"

Edd: [smiling] "Yes! Very good Nat!"

[Nat smiles]

[The Eds and Nat are riding their bike, wearing clothes identical to Kevin's.]

Edd: "Clothes are a social uniform showing Kevin we're team players."

Nat: "I look like a boy."

Edd: "Well clothing wise yes, but facial appearance wise no."

Eddy: "This handlebar's killing me."

Ed: "There he is!" [Kevin is riding his bike as well.]

Eddy: "Kevin! How nice to see you!" [Kevin speeds up and leaves them behind.] "Guess he didn't see us." [Eddy pulls out Ed's tongue.] "Wait up, Kev!"

[Eddy loops the tongue into a lasso, which catches on the back of Kevin's bike. Kevin, seeing this, puts on more speed, dragging the Eds and Nat behind. Eventually the Eds and Nat have to ditch the bike and are dragged along the ground.]

Eddy: [growing desperate] "Kev, wait up!"

Kevin: [stopping] "Sure thing, buddy!"

[The Eds and Nat fly into the air and hit a pole. Ed's loose tongue wraps around them and ties them to the pole.]

[Kevin's house is silent. Suddenly, Eddy (face painted purple, with a K on his torso) blows an air horn.]

Eddy: "Kevin, Kevin, he's our man–"

Edd: "We can't do it–"

Eddy: "But Kevin sure can!"

[The Eds and Nat proceed to make noise. Ed and Eddy walk away. Ed comes back, carrying two trashcan lids. He opens them to reveal Eddy.]

The Eds and Nat: "Rah, Kevin!"

[Nat holds a sign with an e. Ed drops his pants to reveal "in" written on his undies. Edd holds up a sign reading a v. Recognizing their mistake, Edd moves his sign to between Nat and Ed. Kevin, not impressed, holds up a sign reading "Dorks."]

[Kevin is cleaning the chimney.]

The Eds and Nat: "Hi, Kevin!"

Ed: "Hey!"

Eddy: "What's up, pal?"

Kevin: "I'm cleaning the chimney."

Eddy: "Why don't you let us handle that, old buddy?"

Kevin: "Yeah. Why not?"

Eddy: "Great! Like I always say, what are friends for?"

Kevin: [handing over the broom] "Yeah, friend. Later, friends." [He leaves.]

[Eddy looks at the chimney sweep grumpily. He tosses it over his shoulder. Ed is then seen strapped to a board, wearing a clown wig.]

Eddy: "This'll cement our friendship with Kevin, and he'll be just pouring jawbreakers at us!"

Nat: "Be careful Eddy."

Edd: "Watch your step."

[The Eds and Nat are on top of the chimney, ready to plunge Ed down.]

Eddy: "Ready, Ed?"

Ed: "And square!" [Edd, Nat and Eddy start using Ed to clean the chimney.] "Hey, guys? My nose tickles." [He sneezes, blowing Edd, Nat and Eddy off their perch.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Not good, not good!"

Eddy: "Quick, let's pull him out!"

[Ed sneezes again, and the wall of the house falls off.]

[Kevin's living room is covered in black soot.]

Nat: "What a mess!"

Edd: "Look at me, I'm filthy!"

Ed: "Kevin got our jawbreakers?"

Eddy: [to a steamed Kevin] "H-hey, Kevin. Just a, just a slight problem. We'll have it cleaned up in a jiffy."

Kevin: "I'll clean you. DORKS!"

[Kevin begins to chase them. The Eds and Nat start to run away, but stop to gaze one last time at Kevin's garage of jawbreakers.]

Eddy: [tantalized] "Hey!"

[The Eds and Nat notice that Kevin's still coming for them and begin running again.]

Kevin: "Quit running, pal. Hey slow down, buddy. Old friends." [giving up the chase] "AMIGOS!"

Eddy: [in the lane] "THAT WAS A TOTAL WASTE OF TIME."

Nat: "What do we do now?"

Edd: "Perhaps if we apologi–"

Eddy: "FORGET IT!" [taking off his cap] "It's time we put matters into my hands."

Ed: "Can I keep this wig?"

[A hole is being dug next to Kevin's house.]

Ed: "Dig a hole dig a hole dig a hole."

Nat: "Are we there yet?"

Edd: "According to my calculations, we are directly under the boxes of mouthwatering candied spheres."

Eddy: "You heard him, Ed. Go, baby, go!"

Ed: "Dig a hole dig a hole dig a hole." [He breaks the surface and comes out. His friends follow.] "Kevin's got a pretty fancy garage."

Edd: "Must be a built in car wash." [He is staring at a showerhead.]

Nat: [realizing something] "I don't think it is."

Kevin: "What are you dorks doing here?" [He is naked, save his hat. It is apparent that he's taking a bath and that the Eds and Nat have just tunneled into his bathtub.]

Nat: [embarrassed.] "Kevin we are so sorry!"

Eddy: "Hey, Kev! Let me help you with that." [He uses a soapbrush on Kevin, who growls.]

Edd: "Um, Eddy?" [Kevin continues to growl.]

Ed: "Could you please pass the soap?"

[Kevin leaps out of the bath.]

Eddy: "I guess a jawbreaker's out of the question?"

[Kevin pulls the plug.]

Kevin: "Dorks!"

[The Eds and Nat circle the drain and are swept down it.]


	17. It's Way Ed

[Eddy is curled up in bed, snoring away. His alarm ticks and goes off. Eddy reaches out a fist and smashes it. He then throws it into a pile of other smashed clocks near his turntable. He nuzzles back into the covers and tries to sleep. Ed, Nat and Edd open his door stealthily, however, with the express intent of making mischief. They tiptoe to the middle of the room, and Edd makes some hand gestures.]

Ed: "2, 3, I am going! Aah!" [Eddy screams, suddenly awakened. It is apparent that Ed, Nat and Edd have jumped on his bed.]

Eddy: [clinging to his disco ball] "Are you nuts?"

Nat: [smiling] "Nope just bored."

Edd: [lifting the blinds] "It's a beautiful day!" [The sun shines directly on his disco ball, blinding him and causing him to fall off.]

Eddy: "WAAA! WOOAH!" [He falls onto his bed and pulls the blankets over his head.]

Ed: [laughing] "C'mon Eddy, let's do something!" [He jumps on Eddy.]

Eddy: [groaning] "Hey, what day is it?"

Ed: "Tuesday?"

Edd: [working it out] "Tuesday."

Eddy: "Details, details. Let me check my 'Who To Scam and When' book." [muttering to himself] "Tuesday, Tuesday, Saturday Rolf, Sunday Kevin, Monday..." [he trails off, going into his closet] "Ha! Jonny 2x4!" [while putting on his clothes] "He gets his allowance today!" [He finishes putting his shirt on. Speaking in an evil tone] "Let's pay Jonny a visit."

[We see the lane. Eddy peeks out from behind a fence. Ed then rolls past to the other side. Edd peeks out above Eddy. Nat peeks out above Edd. Ed then peeks out from the other side.]

Nat: "Where's Johnny?"

Ed: "Jonny?"

Edd: "I don't see him, Eddy."

Eddy: "Start searching."

[He sneaks down the lane. Ed, Nat and Edd follow after him.]

Ed: "Tally-ho!"

Ed: [sneaking through the trees] "Wait up, Eddy!"

Eddy: [at the end of the lane] "See him?" [Two large planks move past. Many pairs of them move past, although none of the Eds or Nat notice.]

Eddy: [after Ed falls out of a tree] "This stinks."

[Ed notices the planks. Eddy notices Plank, taped to one of them, and only then does he see the moving wood.]

Ed: [looking up] "There's Jonny!"

Jonny: [on stilts, scat singing a tune] "Bum ba dump bump bump."

Eddy: "What's he doing up there?"

Ed: "Hi Jonny!"

Sarah: [also on stilts] "Look out, Ed!"

Nat: "Hi Sarah!"

Edd: "Hello Sarah."

Eddy: "Nice chopsticks."

Sarah: [annoyed] "They're stilts, Mr. Know-Nothing!"

Jimmy: [smug] "Stilt-walking is the latest fad. Everybody's doing it!"

Eddy: [pretending not to be ignorant] "Aah, we know. We left our stilts at home." [to Ed, Nat and Edd] "C'mon." [He drags them away.]

Jimmy: "Wait for me, Sarah!" [He gets his retainer caught on one of the stilts] "Nnnygh! Aah! Ow." [Presumably, he falls.]

[The Eds and Nat are in Eddy's backyard, hammering and sawing.]

Nat: "Now we'll join in with the fad!"

Ed: "What's a fad?"

Edd: [holding up a poorly made pair of stilts] "When something insignificant becomes popular."

Eddy: [with stilts made out of a shovel, a rake, and some golf clubs] "Right! And we know the Eds and Nat are way insignificant!" [Ed goes out to try the stilts.]

Eddy: [trying the stilts] "Hold it steady! Guys! Wuh-oh!" [He walks, but has no control.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear."

Ed: "Boy Eddy, you're good! My turn! My turn!"

[Eddy wipes out, landing square in a trashcan.]

Edd: [apparently counting it a success] "Shall we join the others?"

Nat: "We shall."

Eddy: [dazed] "Okay."

Ed: [walking briskly on stilts] "I like this fad stuff!"

Eddy: [not as well balanced] "I'm cool. Okay. I'm the man. I'm cool again. I'm cool. So cool. I'm cool. Yep. Cool." [He enters the lane.]

[Edd and Nat is are afraid to even move.]

Nat: "This doesn't seem safe." 

Edd: "Don't worry Nat, just follow my lead."

[Edd slowly gathers up his courage and jumps forward a bit. This gives him some relief, Nat watches him and copies his jump, This also gives her relief.]

Ed: [in the lane] "The kids are all here! C'mon, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Wait up, burrhead!" [to the kids] "Hey, everybody, Eds have arrived!"

The Kids "Whizz, Whizz, it's time to Whazz!"

Eddy: "Aah!"

The Kids: [now wearing caps with balls on the top] "Whizz, Whizz, it's time to Whazz! Whizz, Whizz, it's time to Whazz!"

Eddy: [indignant] "What're you guys doing?"

Sarah: "What does it look like? We're Whizz-Whazzing!"

Jimmy: [with his arm in a cast] "Everybody's doing it!"

Kevin: "We're Whizzheads!"

Ed: "Cool, can I try?"

Kevin: "You're a dork!" [He knocks Ed off his stilts.]

Ed: "Dork?" [he falls] "Ow!"

Jonny: "Stilts are so out."

Kevin: "Whizz-Whazzing's where it's at!"

Eddy: [once again pretending to be in the know] "We knew that. We were testing ya! We've had Whazz-Whizzing for weeks."

Kevin: "Sheesh."

[Sarah blows a raspberry. Her ball swings around and hits Jimmy in the face, knocking him down.]

Eddy: [outside the lane] "C'mon, Ed!" [They meet a winded Edd and Nat, who still hasn't made it to the lane. To Edd and Nat] "Where ya been?"

Ed: "Whizz-Whazz, time to Whazz!"

[Edd and Nat turn themselves around and begins jumping back in order to follow them.]

[Edd is seen winding tape around a ball. He finishes and turns to Ed. The ball is attached to a string, which in turn is attached to a helmet.]

Edd: "Ready?"

Ed: "Contact!" [Edd lets go of the ball, and Ed bangs the ball back and forth against his face.]

Nat: "Cool!"

Edd: "Very good, Ed!" [Eddy is using his disco ball. He lines it up and throws it. It comes around and hits him in the face.]

Eddy: [dazed] "Oh yeah." [coming over to Ed] "STOP!!!" [Ed falls off the bed.] "What's the point? We're always a fad behind. To be cool," [he grabs the ball, which is still attached to Ed's helmet] "We have to be two fads ahead of everybody else!" [He lets go of the ball. It smacks Ed and Edd in the face. Nat removes the ball from their faces.]

[Eddy is rummaging around in his shed, pulling out miscellaneous objects.]

Eddy: "Hey. Ha! Perfect!"

Ed: [confused] "Hey Eddy, what are we looking for?"

Eddy: "Why the next big thing after the next big thing, Ed m'boy!"

Edd: [picking up a dirty can] "I hope it's clean."

Eddy: "Ah ha! I got it!" [The can coughs green slime up onto Edd's face. Nat gives him a napkin.] "This is it!" [He opens his mouth to reveal a TV.]

Ed, Nat and Edd: "TV!"

[Ed turns on the TV. At first, they receive only snow, but Edd fiddles with Eddy's hair, and a picture forms.]

Edd: "Voilà!"

Nat: "That's better."

Ed: "Ah it's a rerun." [Edd knocks the TV out of Eddy's mouth.]

Edd: "I dunno Eddy, I question the fadability." [rummaging in the shed] "Messy messy messy. Careful. There." [He jumps out with a railroad track around his waist] "Choo-choo mania!"

Nat: "Wow!"

Eddy: "Hey!"

Ed: "Cool."

[They both run to the shed, running into Edd.]

Eddy: "Move it, Edd!" [The trio fall into the shed.]

[A montage of fad attempts happen. First, Ed tries out a "Mailbox Hat" fad. Then, Eddy tries putting springs on his arms.]

Eddy: "I got it!" [he falls into traffic]

[The attempts continue with sprinkler hats.]

Edd: "Here it comes!" [Water falls on Ed, Nat and Eddy, and they laugh.]

[The next idea is Ed's "Clotheshanger Earrings."]

Eddy: [displeased] "What are we going to do with you?" [he rips the hangers off]

[Edd then tries a form of jetpack using fans–a fanpack.]

Nat: "Awesome!"

Eddy: "Cookin!"

Ed: "Oh, wow, way cool!"

Edd: "Ya-ha-ha!" [he flies off]

[The Eds and Nat don't use this one, however; instead, they try fads involving wearing clothes wrong and checkerboard teeth. None work, however.]

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are musing.]

Nat: "What are we going to use?"

Eddy: "I can't make up my mind."

Edd: "Fads are flighty, Eddy."

[Ed, using a fanpack, flies into the shed. Edd, Nat and Eddy peer in after him.]

Nat: "Ed are you ok?"

Eddy: "What's up with you, Ed?"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy stare in astonishment as Ed comes out of the shed.]

Eddy: "Double D! Nat! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

[Ed is dressed in an amalgamation of the fads.]

Edd: "Actually, Eddy, it's hip, it's now...but it smells funny."

[The kids are in the middle of the cul-de-sac. Apparently, the current trend is spring shoes.]

Jimmy: [bouncing by] "I'm so bouncy! Whee!" [bounces with Sarah] "Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy!"

Sarah: "C'mon Jimmy!"

[Four strangely shaped silhouettes appear on the horizon, making strange noises.]

Nat: "We're sure to stand out!"

Eddy: "Time to dazzle, boys and girl!" [They head into the cul-de-sac.]

[The Eds and Nat begin to mess with their uniforms. Edd turns on his sprinkler, and Ed plays with a lawn windmill. The kids ignore them, however.]

Eddy: [smugly noting this] "We're so ahead we're invisible!"

Nat: "This is fun!"

Edd: "I'm quite enjoying myself, Eddy!" [his sprinkler stops working] "Huh?"

[Edd's train stops, and he spins around tremendously fast in ever rotating spirals. The sprinkler head then shoots off, and vast amounts of water flood out of the hole.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Ed: "Cool! Uh oh."

Edd: [his uniform breaking down] "Not good not good not good!"

Eddy: [oblivious to Edd's trials] "WE are Fad Freakers. YOU are old hat."

[Edd's train falls to the ground. It goes round and round around him, essentially imprisoning him. The spring he's wearing around his left arm then comes loose, shooting directly into Ed's stomach. The force of the blow sends Ed into a lamppost, Nat tries to go help Ed when he rebounds and sends both of them towards Edd.]

Edd: [aware of the developing disaster] "Oh dear." [He steps on the train, which carries him round and round in circles. Ed and Nat then runs into him, making the situation worse.]

Eddy: [oblivious] "Fad Freaky's where it's at!"

Nazz: [rushing onto the scene] "Hey everyone! New fad!" [She puts on sunglasses. Moments later, all the kids have sunglasses on.]

Eddy: [still unknowledgeable about his friends' failure] "Huh. Some people just can't deal with greatness." [noticing Ed, Nat and Edd] "Huh? QUIT LAYING AROUND!" [He takes a step forward, and his Fad Freaky suit falls apart.]

[The Eds are seen staggering home, tongues hanging out of their mailboxes along with Nat.]

Nat: "Can't breathe."

Edd: "I'm so tired." [Rolf and Jonny run by, wearing airplane hats.]

Eddy: [still trying to claim victory] "Amateurs. Fad Freaky RULES!" [He stumbles and barely manages to keep his balance.]

Edd: [sweating profusely] "Can we rest?" [He falls to the sidewalk and gets entangled in Ed's suit.]

Ed: "C'mon, Double D!" [he tries to shake Edd off] "Get off!" [He throws Edd into a tree. Nat goes to help Edd. His suit comes apart as well, and he falls against a picket fence.] "Gravy."

[Eddy looks on as the kids run past. The new fad is apparently angel wings.]

Eddy: "Hmm."

Sarah: "Wheeeee!"

Jimmy: [singing a song] "La la la la la la la la la."

Eddy: [bitter] "Pathetic."

Ed: [now sweating as well] "Hey, Eddy? Can we take a break?"

[Kevin and Nazz float by, supported by balloons. Kevin's balloon pops off screen.]

Eddy: [deciding to allow it] "They're still on balloon fads! Okay boys, take five."

Ed: [dragging Edd and Nat along with him] "Aah sweating."

[Eddy is trying to get his mailbox off his head. Failing to do that, he cuts his mailbox open. He seems to enjoy the subsequent release of heat.]

Eddy: "Ooh yeah." [to Ed, who is guzzling water from a hose] "Ed! Quit fooling around."

[Nat tries to fan herself with her hand. Edd reaches in his hat and pulls out a birdhouse.]

Eddy: [racing around the house] "C'mon you guys, race you to the lemONADE!!!" [Something makes him pull up. Ed, Nat and Edd run into him.]

Ed: "It wasn't me."

[All the kids are now doing Fad Freaky.]

Eddy: "Hey hey hey, what're ya doin?"

Sarah: [smug] "You are so out of it."

Rolf: "We are Fad Freakers!"

Jonny: "It's the latest thing."

Nazz: "You're just miles behind."

Kevin: "These dorks always are."

Eddy: [flabbergasted] "But–that's our fad."

[Enraged, he rushes to the backyard, dragging Edd and Nat with him and pushing Ed in front. They come back around seconds later, wearing very, very shoddy remakes of the fad.]

Eddy: [very angry] "That's it!" [He stops and gasps. A new fad has come around. This one involves rings being twirled around on sticks.]

Ed: "Cool."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: [in a hushed tone] "This is not good."

Eddy: [freaking out] "That's not funny! NOOOOOOO!" [falling to the ground, grumpy] "We're behind again."

Nat: "Well it was fun while it lasted."

Edd: [trying to comfort Eddy] "Cheer up, Eddy! My mom says fads go in a cycle! In another ten years we'll be back in style."

[Eddy groans with despair.]

Ed: "I'm hungry."

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."


	18. Laugh Ed Laugh

[Eddy is in a van made of cardboard going around the cul-de-sac. The van apparently sells cheap ice cream. The van suddenly stops.]

Eddy: "C'mon guys, it's gotta look real! Push it smooth!"

[We now see that an exhausted Ed, Nat and Edd are pushing it from the back.]

Nat: "Eddy we're getting tired."

Edd: "Can we please–" [he pants] "–take a break?"

Eddy: "Just a couple more feet! We'll be rich! Onwards!"

[Ed, Nat and Edd push the truck to the center of the cul-de-sac.]

Eddy: "Perfect!" [He rings a bell.] "Ice cream! Big scoops!" [to Ed, Nat and Edd] "Start making the ice cream." [calling again] "Real cheap! Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!"

[Ed and Edd start making the ice cream. Edd rolls up a piece of paper into a cone and pours glue into it.]

Edd: "One scoop, please." [He hands the cone to Nat and begins work on another cone.]

Eddy: "Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!"

[Nat glues a baseball to the cone. She hands the cone to Ed. He then dips the baseball into pink paint to make a strawberry ice cream cone replica.]

Eddy: "Big scoops! Real cheap! Ice cream"

Ed: [examining the final product] "Drink, mister?"

Edd: [handing Nat another cone] "One scoop, please."

Eddy: [getting impatient] "C'mon, c'mon." [He looks around and sees nobody.] "Ice cream! Big scoops! Hello? Ice cream!" [puzzled] "Where is everyone?"

Nat: "I don't know Eddy."

Edd: "Maybe they're on to us."

Eddy: "Nah. This one's foolproof." [He pats the van, and it falls apart around him.] "I'll look around." [He walks off as Ed eats one of the fake ice creams.]

Edd: "What are you doing, Ed?"

Ed: "Get your own!" [They begin to fight over the ice cream.]

Nat: "Guys please don't fight!"

Eddy: "WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?"

[His voice echoes around the neighborhood, it is completely deserted.]

Eddy: "I don't get it."

Ed: "It is simple, Eddy." [He pauses to think of an explanation.] "The kids entered a wormhole and were spewed into an alternate universe!" [Edd, Nat and Eddy look at him cynically.] "Simple."

Eddy: [grabbing Ed's ice cream] "You're simple. Let's check the houses." [They walk off, but Ed doesn't follow.] "Ed." [Ed follows the other three.]

Eddy: [at someone's door] "We'll get to the bottom of this. Hmm?" [He rings the doorbell three times and waits. He then holds it down for a few rings and lets go.] "Someone's coming!"

[The door opens.]

The Eds and Nat: "Huh? Ewwwwww."

[At the door is a sickly Jimmy. His skin tone is paler than normal, and there are red spots all over him. He also has some strange liquid on his head.]

Jimmy: [delirious] "Hello, Mr. Postman. Are those eggs for me?" [He scratches himself furiously.]

Eddy: "Look at his face!"

Nat: "He's sick!"

Ed: "It's so gross!" [He moves toward Jimmy.] "Can I touch it?"

Edd: [blocking his way] "Ed! No!" [explaining] "He's got chicken pox. Touch him and you'll get it too."

Eddy: "Double D! Behind you!" [He points to Jimmy, who has crept up behind Edd. Nat pulls Edd away. Eddy grabs a handy sign and uses it to prod Jimmy backwards.] "Back, chicken boy! Back! Back!" [He pushes Jimmy into the house and shuts the door.]

Ed: [looking at the sign] "Hey, look!"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Oh, dear, a quarantine!"

Ed: "I've seen this before."

Eddy: "Where?"

Ed: [pointing] "There."

[All over the cul-de-sac are strewn Quarantine signs.]

Nat: "They're everywhere!"

Edd: "It must be an epidemic!"

Eddy: "So I-uh-guess we're the only ones not sick. Heh heh."

Edd: "So it seems, Eddy."

Eddy: "So what, we can still do something. C'mon, boys and girl. Let's do something!" [He starts to run off, but Ed's next statement stops him in his tracks.]

Ed: "Like what?"

[The Eds and Nat contemplate this.]

[The Eds and Nat are still contemplating it a while later.]

Ed: "Oh, I got an idea!"

[The Eds and Nat are in the lane, playing "Kick the Can." At least, Edd, Nat and Ed are playing. Eddy seems to be rather uninterested.]

Nat: "Awesome!"

Edd: "Yeah!"

Ed: "Cool!"

Edd: [kicking it as Eddy attempts to play] "Ha ha!"

Eddy: "Hey, it was my turn!" [He stomps the can flat and kicks it away.] "Your turn."

Ed: "Is Eddy okay?" [Edd and Nat shrug.]

Edd: [playing with string] "Watch closely, Nat and Ed!" [Eddy paces angrily behind them. Edd finishes and spreads his arms to reveal an Eiffel Tower figure.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Ed: "Cool. My turn!" [He plays with his string and initially gets nothing; however, on his second attempt, he manages to tie himself up. Ed, Nat and Edd laugh at his predicament.]

Eddy: [coming up to them] "You three...are BORING ME!" [to Ed, who is walking away] "Where you going, MONOBROW? Yeah, that's right. You have one eyebrow. And no chin!" [Ed looks at both.]

Nat: "Eddy please-"

Eddy: "And you! Why do you always cover your neck? Are you hiding something?" [He tries to pull Nat's sweater collar down but she holds it and backs away from him.]

Edd: "Aw, come on, Eddy–"

Eddy: "And you! What's with the hat?" [trying to tear it off] "What are you hiding?" [He falls off of Edd onto the ground and lies there facedown.]

Ed: "Okay, okay. I know. Let's change a lightbulb!"

Eddy: [in agony] "BOORRINNGG! Your ideas are boring! Someone! Anyone! I need a sucker!"

Nat: "Eddy there's nobody here!"

Edd: "Boy, Eddy, face the facts! No kids..."

Eddy: "No scams."

[Nat and Edd walk away with Ed.]

Edd: "Let's go change that lightbulb!" [Eddy just stays where he is.]

Eddy: "Hey! Wait guys and girl! Wait! Watch!

Ed: "Aw come on, Eddy."

[Eddy takes his tongue and winds it in the form of a turban around his head.]

Ed: "Nah, Eddy, we've seen that before. Now you're boring us." [He, Nat and Edd walk away.]

[A quarantine sign is shown.]

Eddy: "Jonny!" [He sees a sign.] "Rolf!" [He looks at a yard full of signs.] "But-but-check this out!" [He tries to make fart noises with his armpits. Failing, he hammers on someone's door.] "C'mon, people!" [He runs to the middle of the cul-de-sac.] "Kevin!" [He knocks on another door.] "Sarah! Oh no. I'm calling on Sarah."

[Eddy sinks to the ground. His brain starts to expand. It grows too big and explodes, popcorn flying out. Eddy's body then goes into spasms, and Eddy starts running around in circles, laughing like a maniac.]

Ed: [watching him] "Eddy's funny!" [Eddy runs past.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Oh dear! This is serious, we must do something! Without kids to scam, he's gone crazy!" [Eddy dances like a loon.] "We have no choice, Nat and Ed. For Eddy's safety, we'll have to capture him!"

Nat: "I agree!"

Ed: [not really understanding Edd] "Yeah."

Eddy: [peering into a mailbox] "I see you!" [He crawls in.] "Oh yeah." [The post holding the box up breaks, and the box falls over at Edd's feet.] "Hi Plank!"

[Ed is wearing a Jonny mask, Nat is wearing a Sarah mask, and Edd is disguised as Plank.]

Eddy: "Hi Jonny! Sarah! I'd invite you in, but I just shampooed the rugs!" [Ed's mask falls off.]

Ed: "Oops."

Eddy: "Jonny. You dropped your face. I'll get you a new one!"

[Eddy runs off. Edd looks at Ed angrily and Nat looks at Ed annoyed, as Ed ruined the scheme.]

[Eddy is in the park, playing with three small paper cups. He shuffles them.]

Eddy: "Hey, find the nut, where's the nut, here's the nut! Round you go, where where, are you sure you wanna? Kay, here we go, can't see, don't know, okay, time's up, gotta go! C'mon, c'mon, pick pick, this one, this one, this one, thththththth?"

[Eddy is playing a shell game with a squirrel. The squirrel picks the center cup, and Eddy tosses it aside.]

Eddy: "Ooh, sorry, you lose." [He reveals that the nut was under the cup on the right. More squirrels come up to him.] "Who's next?"

[Eddy collects a bunch of nuts and walks off.]

Eddy: "Suckers!"

Edd: "Hey!"

Eddy: "Hmm?"

Edd: "Drop those nuts!"

[Eddy crams the nuts in his mouth and takes off for the woods. He swings away from them on vines, escaping easily.]

[Eddy is on the sidewalk, his mouth still full of nuts. He spies a fire hydrant and heads for it.]

Eddy: "Jawbreaker!"

[Eddy rips the hydrant out of the ground, puts it in his mouth, and sucks on it as though it really is a gobstopper. Ed approaches behind him, a plunger in his hand.]

Eddy: [slurping away] "This is good."

[Ed, Nat and Edd sneak up behind him.]

Edd and Nat: "Now, Ed!" [Ed raises the plunger and throws it.]

Ed: "Aah!" [The plunger lands on top of Eddy's head, knocking the nuts and the hydrant out of his mouth.]

Eddy: "Aah! Ambush!" [He runs away.]

Ed: "There he goes."

[Edd grabs onto one end of the string and is pulled along.]

Nat and Ed: "Double D!"

Edd: "WAAAAAAAAHH!" [He slams into a trashcan.]

Nat: "We're coming Double D!"

Ed: "Wait! Wait! I want to ride too."

Edd: "Eddy! Ach!" [He goes through a fence and some bushes. Eddy turns a corner, and Edd fishtails behind him.] "YOYAHHHH!" [He hits a pole and lets go of the string.]

Nat: "Double D are you ok?!"

Ed: "My turn, my turn!"

Eddy: [confused] "Who what where huh?"

Ed: [to Edd] "You have all the fun." [He picks Edd up off the ground. Edd raises his arm up, another idea already formed.]

[Eddy looks over a fence.]

Eddy: "Ham and eggs with buttered toast!" [He eats a fencepost before sighting a dollar lying on the ground.] "Huh? Sweetheart!"

[Eddy dives after it, but a string pulls it away.]

Eddy: "Baby, come back!"

[Eddy follows it. Edd can then be seen running, holding the rope to which it's attached.]

Eddy: "Stop teasing!" [Edd waves it in front of a shed.] "Lucy, I'm home!"

[Eddy dives on Edd, knocking him into the shed.]

Edd: "Ed! Nat! Close the door!"

[Ed and Nat close the door from the outside. Realizing what they've done, they open it. They enter the shed.]

[Eddy is running around a padded cell built in the shed.]

Eddy: "You and me against the world, baby! YEAH!!!" [Edd locks the numerous locks put on the shed.]

Edd: [giving Ed a key] "Ed, hide this key discreetly."

Ed: "Okay."

Eddy: [to Edd] "Will you marry us?"

Edd: "I'm not registered for that!"

Eddy: "Then we'll elope!"

[Ed puts the key between two slices of bread and eats it as a sandwich. Eddy, meanwhile, looks at his money happily until Ed grabs his head and turns it to the right.]

Edd: "Surprise, Eddy. You're rich! Vuelah!" [There is a huge pile of money in a corner of the shed.]

Eddy: [leaping in] "Whoa! Cha-ching! Moolah. Money! Dinero. Cash!" [standing up, becoming saner] "We'll buy a truckload of jawbreakers!"

Ed: "Whaddya mean?"

Eddy: "Whaddya mean, whaddya mean? With all this glorious–" [He takes a closer look at the bills.] "What the–It's fake!" [Ed's face is on the money and no denomination is listed.]

Ed: "I drew it myself."

Eddy: "Huh?" [He groans in frustration.]

Ed: "Eddy's mad."

Edd: "Correct! He's back to normal!"

Nat: "Mission accomplished!"

[Eddy screams, and then hears a noise.]

Eddy: "Kids."

[Outside, all the kids have recovered and are playing. Inside, Eddy runs to the door and tries to open it.]

Eddy: "C'mon boys and girl, the chickens are ripe for the plucking." [He realizes the door is locked.] "Huh?" [He wrestles with it.] "Where's the key?"

Ed: "I ate it! Discreetly."

[Eddy is using Ed as a shovel, attempting to tunnel out from the shed.]

Ed: "Dig a hole. Dig a hole, dig a hole." [as Eddy puts him in the dirt again] "I am a good shovel, huh Eddy?"

Nat: [to Edd] "You should've gave me the key."

Edd: "I know."


	19. A Glass of Warm Ed

[Edd is sleeping in his room when a sudden noise awakens him. He sits up and scans the room until his eyes rest on his open window. He shivers and grabs his cactus. He then sets off downstairs, where more noises can be heard. There is a light coming from the kitchen. He looks in and sees someone raiding his refrigerator.]

Edd: [freaked out] "Oh dear. An intruder. Eating all the food out of my refrigerator. In bare feet! So unsanitary."

[Edd peeks around the corner again and sees nobody. He walks over to his still open fridge and looks in it. Suddenly, the kitchen windows burst open.]

Edd: [raising his cactus like a weapon] "I've got a cactus! Uh..."

[He looks back at the refrigerator. He is staring, specifically, at the bottom left drawer. He reaches for it and opens it slowly. There is something inside which suddenly rises up.]

Edd: "GAH!"

[The blob inside is revealed to be Ed. Ed is the midnight intruder, and he is still eating a string of sausages.]

Edd: [relieved] "Ed? You practically scared me out of my one-size-fits-all pajamas. Do you know what time it is?"

[Ed reaches into a jar of pickles and plucks one out. He then proceeds to drink the whole jar, abandoning his selected pickle.]

Edd: "Um, Ed?" [He holds his cactus, Jim, out to protect himself.] "D-Don't make me use this!"

[Ed opens his mouth and takes a bite out of the cactus.]

Edd: [horrified] "You ate Jim. Ed, cacti have feelings just like you–" [He stops and stares at Ed. Ed comes back carrying many various foods.] "Hold it right there, mister Ed! Stop! Where are you going with all my food? Ed, they'll spoil!"

[Ed comes back and takes Jim. He then proceeds to climb out the kitchen window with his supplies.]

Edd: "Ed, come back here and close this refrigerator door!" [Ed, oblivious, walks on.] "Ed!" [coming up with a course of action] "I need to wake Nat. Oh, dear. A paradox."

[Edd changes first then leaves his house and rushes over to Nat's.]

Edd: [tapping on Nat's window] "Nat. Nat. Oh...Nat, are you awake?" 

[Nat gets up and goes to the window. She pulls the curtains away and sees Edd, then opens the window.]

Nat:[still half asleep] "Double D?"

Edd: "Good. You're awake."

Nat: "What's wrong?"

Edd: "We have a problem, Nat! Ed was in my house. My kitchen. My refrigerator! Not that it's any different than any other day. But, well, it was late, y'see. And I usually like to get eight hours of sleep. But Ed was eating. Has eaten. Has taken all my food! I asked him. Talked to him. But no reaction! He just kept eating. Ed. Is. Sleepwalking!"

Nat: "..." 

Edd: "..."

Nat: "Ok let's go find him."

[Suddenly there is a noise, Both Nat and Edd jump.] 

Nat: "What was that?"

Edd: "It's Ed!"

[Nat grabs her book as she and Edd go to the kitchen, She hides behind him as they look. They see that her fridge is empty and there is a mess on the floor.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Messy, messy, messy!"

[Nat walks to her fridge, distraught.]

Nat: "It took my parents three weeks to fill this fridge!"

Edd: "I'm sorry Nat, I can assist cleansing your floor if you wish."

Nat: "Thanks Double D."

Edd: "Your welcome."

Nat: "Wait where's Ed?"

[Nat and Edd look and see the open kitchen window. They then look at each other.]

Nat and Edd: "Eddy!"

Edd: "We need to go wake him!"

Nat: "Of course! But." 

[Nat holds her gown, slightly embarrassed.]

Nat: "Can I change first?"

[Edd blushes realizing Nat is still in pajamas.]

Edd: "O-Oh o-of course."

[Nat changes and she and Edd rush to Eddy's. She taps on Eddy's window.]

Nat: "Eddy it's Nat and Double D are you awake?"

[Eddy groans and gets up to go to the window.] "This is an emergency." [Eddy looks out at Edd and Nat.] "It's Ed."

Eddy: [opening his door] "Who turned off the sun?"

Edd: "We have a problem! Ed was in my house and-"

Nat: [interrupting] "Can I explain please?"

[Edd stays silent.]

Nat: "Ed is sleepwalking into people's houses taking and eating their food."

[Eddy yawns. The screen door of his house slides open, and Ed walks out, carrying armloads of food.]

Eddy: "What's he doing with all my food?"

Nat: : "I just told you!"

Edd: "Ed is like a swarm of locusts ready to purge the cul-de-sac and all its good people of their food!"

[Nat looks confused.]

Eddy: [after a pause] "Y'know, you scare me when you talk like that. Let's go see what Big Ed's up to!"

[We now see Nazz's room. Nazz is sleeping soundly. On her face, she has skin cream and she has cucumbers over her eyes. As we watch, Ed walks in and grabs one of the cucumbers. On his way out, he drops an egg and an apple.]

[Edd, Nat and Eddy peek around the side of the house. They wait for Ed. Ed does not disappoint, making his exit by ramming a fridge through the door and guzzling its contents.]

Eddy: [entertained] "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Man, tell me I wasn't dreaming. He scarfed the whole fridge!" [He laughs.]

Edd and Nat: [nervous] "Ssh."

[Ed is in somebody's kitchen. As Edd, Nat and Eddy watch, he opens the fridge. He takes out a pie and eats it, and washes it down with a carton of milk.]

Nat: "That's Jimmy's fridge."

Edd: "I hope he doesn't wake him. This is not good."

Eddy: "This is rich, Nat! Double D! Have a seat, front row center to the greatest show on earth!" [He is shown lying on a beach chair and pulls out a bag of popcorn.]

Edd: [watching with him] "Are you gonna share those?"

Nat: [also watching] "Can I have some?"

[Ed ingests a whole melon. This is nothing compared to what he does next, however; he eats a whole armful of food. He then uses a piece of bread to wipe his face. Ed tosses the bread in the air and catches it with his mouth.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: [impressed] "That was very good!"

Eddy: "I can't figure out where he's putting it all!" [He looks back at the kitchen and doesn't see Ed.] "Huh? Where'd he go?"

[Jimmy is in his bed, sleeping soundly. He has a sleeper over his eyes. He hears a board creak and wakes.]

Jimmy: "Egads! What is that hideous odor?" [He lifts the sleeper off one eye.] "Santa?"

Edd: [in the kitchen with Eddy] "Do you think Ed swallowed himself?"

Jimmy: "Help! Help!"

Nat: "Nope."

[Edd. Nat and Eddy rush over to his bedroom and open the door. Inside, we can see that Ed is ingesting Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Saliva! Yuck! Germs!"

[The sober Eds and Nat close the door on the scene.]

Eddy: "Good thing I'm a man of the world."

Edd: "I'm terrified beyond rational thought. I can't look!"

Nat: "I will forever be traumatized."

[Eddy turns the doorknob again. Inside is Jimmy, shivering in a puddle of saliva. Ed is nowhere to be seen.]

Eddy: "He spit Jimmy back out!"

Edd: "Phew!"

Nat: "Thank goodness!"

Eddy: "Let's go! I don't want to miss Ed getting heartburn!"

[A trail of food containers and food leads Edd, Nat and Eddy to the lane.]

Eddy: "Look at all this! Ed must have bilked the whole neighborhood of its food!"

Edd: "Messy, messy." [He picks up a milk bottle.] "Sleepwalking and eating everyone's food is one thing. But LITTERING?"

[Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Eddy: "Check it out, Nat! Double D! Whoo! Ed ate a whole box of bran muffins!"

Edd: "This could be dangerous, Eddy."

Nat: "We should be careful."

Eddy: "Oh, yeah!" [He zooms off, following the trail.]

[Eddy follows the trail around the side of a house.]

Eddy: "This mess should lead us right to him!"

[There can be seen a trail of sausages. As we watch, it is pulled into a basement window. Ed has come home.]

Eddy: "Bingo!" [He grabs the sausages and pulls.] "Gotcha. Whoa!"

[Ed yanks back on the sausages, sending Eddy inside. He boomerangs off a table beneath the window onto the ceiling and falls into Ed's chair.]

Edd: "Careful, Eddy."

Nat: "Are you ok?"

Eddy: [pulling a cooked turkey out from beneath the cushion] "Finders keepers!"

Edd: "Um, Eddy?" [He points.]

Eddy: "What?" [He looks in the direction Edd indicates and snickers. Ed is lying bloated on his bed, food strewn about him.]

Nat: "He's back in his bed."

Edd: "Ed seems quite content among all that food."

Eddy: "Yeah, like a beached whale." [He climbs on Ed.] "He looks so natural. Oh Ed? Ed?" [He grabs Ed's pajamas and shakes.] "Wake up, Goldilocks!"

[Ed awakens.]

Ed: "Hi, guys and girl!"

Nat: "How do you feel Ed?"

Ed: "I feel fine!"

Edd: "Ed, do you know that you walk in your sleep? And that you have consumed all the food within a five-block radius of your bed?"

Ed: [trying to move] "Not only that, but I feel as though I have consumed all the food within a five-block radius of my bed." [He looks at Jim.] "Jim got a haircut."

Edd: "Don't you remember anything, Ed?!?"

Eddy: [eating a loaf of bread with soda] "You were great! You ate everything, including Jimmy!" [The buttons on Ed's pajama top burst off.]

Ed: [talking to his belly] "OH NO! JIMMY, DON'T TELL SARAH! Guys, help me!"

Eddy: "Don't worry! We're gonna sleep over, so we can keep an eye out for you. Got any extra blankets?" [He slides open Ed's closet door to reveal his closet is stocked with food. It all falls out in an avalanche which Eddy barely avoids. Edd and Nat snicker at the ordeal.]

Ed: "C'mon, Jimmy. Time for bed."

[The Eds and Nat are in Ed's room, snoring away. Ed is secured to his bed with rope. Suddenly, Ed gets up and starts walking. A crash of something breaking is heard, and Edd, Nat and Eddy awaken.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Eddy! Ed's walking in his sleep again!"

[Ed walks out a door. His bed, to which he is still tied, gets caught on the doorframe. Ed breaks the ropes and continues on.]

Sarah: [from her room] "Ed! Ed! Shut up!"

[Ed exits the house and turns right.]

Eddy: [on the outside of the house, not seeing him] "How can he be so big and quick?"

Edd: "He's hopping the fence, Eddy!"

[Ed has managed to climb over the fence.]

Nat: "He's trying to get those apples!"

Eddy: "Ed!" [Ed is now perched on a pole attached to a clothesline. He plucks an apple from a tree with his tongue.] "Thataboy, Ed!"

[Ed steps onto the clothesline, bending it. As he slides towards the middle, a pair of panties come loose. When he reaches the middle, the clothesline acts as a slingshot, shooting him into the sky. As he leaves earth, he grabs the panties in his teeth. Once his descent begins, the panties open and act as a parachute. He flies away on them.]

Eddy: "Oh, that big lug's cracking me up."

Nat: "What are we going to do?"

Edd: "I think I know how to lure him back!"

Eddy: "Why?"

[Ed is in someone's kitchen, raiding their fridge, when an odor prods him in the nostrils. He sniffs, and then takes a deeper whiff. We can now see that the odor is coming from a pair of his shoes on a rope and stick. The shoes start moving off, and he drops the food in his arms and chases the odor.]

Edd: [with a clothespin on his nose] "The familiar scents of one's personal belongings always makes one long for their natural environment!"

Nat: "Good thinking!"

Eddy: "You must be a riot at parties, Double D."

[Ed follows the scent around the corner of his house. He comes up to the window but does not bend down to get in; rather, he walks straight into the wall. He stumbles backwards.]

Eddy: "I got him I got him!"

[Eddy grabs him by the ankles and drags him partway inside. Once this has been done, he, Nat and Edd all take his legs and pull, trying to force him through the window.]

Edd: "My, Ed's grown!"

Nat: "He's too big!"

[Ed is much too fat to fit through the window. Inside, Eddy, Nat and Edd are now in the bathroom. Eddy, seeing this, lets go of his leg. Ed's left leg snaps back at the same time as his right one, slamming Edd and Nat against the wall.]

Edd: [dazed] "I believe Ed isn't going anywhere."

Nat: [also dazed] "I agree."

Eddy: "We got him right where we want him."

[Ed is sleeping soundly, half in and half out of his house.]

[Morning dawns on Jimmy's house. Jimmy, obviously scared out of his wits, crawls out from under his bed. He makes his way to the kitchen.]

Jimmy: "Holy mackerel! Where's all my food?" [He spots an open box of cookies.] "Yummy! Cookies!" [He shakes the box into his hand, but only a few small crumbs appear. His stomach moans.] "My tummy needs food!"

Eddy: "Fresh food! Cheap prices! Get your groceries at Ed's Mart!"

[Jimmy exits his house.]

Jonny: "Hurry, Plank! We need to fill that tummy! Awwow. And mine too!"

Eddy: [as the kids slowly trudge to the store] "We've got all your favorite food here at Ed's Mart! Get it while it's hot, folks!" [We now see that Eddy is speaking through a megaphone.] "No one can beat our prices at Ed's Mart! All your favorite food here- [yells in Edd and Nat's ears] -AT ED'S MART!"

[Jonny staggers up to the stand.]

Eddy: "Good morning Jonny boy. What can I get ya?"

Jonny: "Eddy, you wouldn't happen to have–"

Eddy: "Your Chunky Puffs? I mean, your favorite, Chunky Puffs? Sure! That'll be fifty cents."

[He holds out a jar, and Jonny drops some coins into it.]

Nat: "Please relax."

Edd: "He's, uh just checking our inventory, and uh will be back momentarily."

[Eddy has his arm halfway down Ed's throat and is rummaging in Ed's stomach for something.]

Eddy: "Chunky Puffs, Chunky Puffs, Chunky Puffs...Nope. Woop! That ain't it. Ah ha! Here we go." [He pulls out a box of cereal.] "Here you go, Jonny."

Jonny: "I love Chunky Puffs."

Ed: "Would you like milk with that?"

Eddy: "Can't eat cereal without milk."

[Edd and Nat pause for a second and makes gagging noises.]

Nat: "Oh no I just remembered something!"

Edd: "What is it Nat?"

Nat: "I forgot to clean my kitchen floor!" 

Edd: "Oh dear."


	20. Flea-Bitten Ed

Ed: "Hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail. How's it look, Eddy?" [The nails in his mouth fly upwards. We then get to see that Ed is hanging upside down off the roof.]

Eddy: "Ed, you put the sign on upside down!"

Ed: "No, I put the sign on the garage!"

Eddy: "Just flip it over, Ed."

Ed: "Flip it? Got it."

Edd: "I think I'm ready to tackle anything with my fine assortment of short and long, hard and soft hairbrushes." 

Nat: "I can't wait to groom the animals!"

[A sudden grinding is heard.]

Ed: "I flipped it, Eddy!" [The sign is now indeed readable: Ed has flipped the entire garage.]

Edd: "Well, I can read it."

Nat: "That counts for something."

Eddy: "Ed's Pet Boutique is open for business!"

[The Eds and Nat are at Rolf's farm.]

Eddy: "Rolf's got tons of stinky animals."

Nat: "Perfect for grooming!"

Edd: [gleeful] "They're absolutely filthy! Ow!"

Ed: "Yes I am."

[Rolf is seen working metal. He holds up his piece, which is something in the shape of a chicken's foot.]

Rolf: "Goodbye." [He plunges the hot metal into a barrel of water. Steam rises, and he pulls the piece out. He then notices the Eds.] "Hello, sneaky Ed-boys and quiet Nat-girl. I am much too busy making shoes for my chickens, so no time for Rolf to talk. Work is good." [A shoe-clad chicken tries to move but is unable to.] "And good is a stomach full of Mama's cooked food. But you would not know this. Goodbye."

Edd: "We're here to assist you, Rolf."

Nat: "We can groom all your animals!"

Eddy: "You got a lot of dirty animals there, Rolf, and we have the only pet-cleaning service in the neighborhood."

Ed: "I put up the sign!"

Eddy: "So, for a little green, we'll make your dirty, flea-infested animals clean!"

Edd: [worried] "Flea-infested?"

Nat: "He's exaggerating." 

Rolf: "You must be poking my eggplant. That would give me more time to watch the curd rise from the cheese of my grandfather's back! Okay, Ed boys and Nat girl."

[Chicken after chicken goes by. We get to see that they are on a treadmill moving them through a cleaning apparatus operated by Edd.]

Edd: "One two press, one two press, one two press, one two..."

[Ed walks by, carrying sponges. Seeing the chicken shower, he stops and looks.]

Ed: "Oh, a chicken shower! Cluck cluck cluck!"

[Nat is drying the chickens on a line.]

Edd: "Ed, let the chickens bathe in privacy! You're embarrassing them!"

Ed: "Oops. Sorry." [He covers his eyes.] "Oops. Sorry. Um, I won't tell, okay?" [He slips on the floor.] "Sorry! Sorry. I promise I won't."

[Ed continues to try and leave, but the slippery floor makes it hard for him. Eddy, meanwhile, is shining the backside of a pig.]

Eddy: [looking at his reflection] "Who's that good looking guy?"

Ed: [cleaning a cow] "Look at those dirt spots, they're huge." [He is referring to the black spots placed all over the cow's body. He tries to clean one off. When that doesn't work, he uses two brushes. After that is unsuccessful, he puts his whole body into it.]

Eddy: [plopping down in a deck chair] "Keep up the good work, boys and girl." [The chair closes on him.]

Ed: [referring to the spots] "I think they're painted on, Eddy."

Edd: [clipping a chicken's talons] "Eddy, don't you think this would be a good time to wash Victor?"

Eddy: "The goat? Yeah, yeah." [muttering] "You're worse than my mother."

[Eddy kicks a sprinkler to be positioned under Victor. The sprinkler turns on, washing Victor's underside.]

Ed: "Double D, where's the eyeliner?"

Edd: "Why in the world would you need eye–" [he gasps] "–liner!?" [Ed is putting makeup on the cow. Pushing Ed away] "Okay, Ed, I think the cow is clean now. But those poor rabbits have been calling for you all day!"

Ed: "Those aren't rabbits, those are bunnies!" [peeking into the cages] "Aw, hello, Mr. and Mrs. Bunny! Time for a bath." [He opens the cages and rubs the bunnies on his face.] "Bunnies are so furry and so soft."

[Ed's eyes start to water and he sneezes. The rabbits sneak into his jacket and wend their way around Ed's body while Ed laughs. When the bunnies come out, there are four on his head.]

Ed: "Double D, how many bunnies was I supposed to clean?"

Edd: "Two, Ed."

Ed: "Okay." [counting the bunnies] "I'm stumped."

[Ed laughs, and the bunnies scamper away. Ed's nose then starts to twitch, and he lets go of a gigantic sneeze.]

Edd: "Ed, are you catching a cold? Colds are very contagious, and I'd be so peeved if I caught your cold!"

Ed: "I feel funny. Ah-ah–" [He grabs his nose and covers his mouth to keep the sneeze from escaping. This doesn't work: the sneeze instead makes his eyes bulge out.] "I sneezed." [Purple spots which turn into lumps appear all over his body.] "I'm mutating!"

[Various parts of Ed's body begin to swell. First it's his foot, then his nose, then his other foot. His hands swell up, and then the cycle repeats.]

Nat: "I don't think it's a cold Double D."

Edd: "Ed is showing strange symptoms. I'm concerned."

Eddy: "I've been concerned about Ed from the first day I met him."

Ed: [his entire body ballooning] "Aah! Whoa!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Um, Eddy?"

Eddy: "What, are we done?" [Edd points at Ed, who is lighter than air now.]

Edd: "Look!"

Ed: "Help! I am a blimp!"

Eddy: "Ed, you maniac! Get down from there!"

Ed: "Help me guys and girl! Wow, I am so itchy."

Eddy: "Let's poke a hole in him and let the air out!"

Nat: "No that's too dangerous!"

Edd: "The pressure could cause him to explode."

Ed: "I am itchy. C'mon, guys and girl!"

Eddy: "All right, all right." [balancing on Nat and Edd] "Here I come, butterball! Higher, Nat, Double D."

Ed: "Ah– ah–"

Eddy: [grabbing Ed's shoelace] "I got him I got him!"

Ed: "–CHOO!" [Eddy, holding on to Ed's shoelace, is whisked away.]

Edd: [not realizing Eddy is gone] "I can't hold you much longer, Eddy! My arms are about to give way to your great weight! OH, THE INSANITY!"

Nat: "Um Double D."

Eddy: [faraway] "DOUBLE D! NAT!" [Edd realizes he's holding up nothing but air. Eddy flies around the roof of the garage.] "HELP!"

[Nat puts Double D down.]

Nat: "C'mon Double D!"

Edd: "Okay. Okay. Oh dear. Physical activity." [standing in the middle of the garage] "We're about to make contact!"

[Eddy, being dragged along by Ed, runs into Edd and Nat. The resulting collision carries them out of the garage.]

Ed: "Look at me! I am a pigeon. A big pigeon."

Eddy: [clutching the shoelace with Edd and Nat] "Don't lay an egg, birdbrain!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy bump against the ground two times. On the second touchdown, they furiously try to drag him back and make some headway.]

Ed: "I am a swan! A pretty swan."

Eddy: "We gotta figure out what's wrong with Bloat Boy."

Eddy: [twanging a rope] "Bingo!" [Ed is staked to the floor, tied down with ropes.] "This oughta hold ya." [to Edd] "All set, Double D!"

[Ed is hooked up to a complex data-gathering machine.]

Edd: [behind a screen] "Say it Nat! Say it!"

Nat: [her voice sounding as though it came from a speaker] "Paging Doctor Double D. Emergency. Paging the Head of Surgery, with all the top degrees. To the living room, STAT."

Edd: [decked out in full doctor regalia] "That was good, Nat."

Nat: "Thank you."

Edd: [reading data] "Interesting. This is very strange."

Ed: "I got a dart stuck to my head."

Edd: "Say ah, please."

Ed: "Ah, please." [He opens his mouth and lets his tongue hang out.]

Edd: "Flashlight, please." [to Eddy, who hasn't handed it over] "Eddy you're not paying attention. Flashlight, please."

Eddy: "Oh yeah, flashlight." [finding one in Edd's doctor bag] "Flashlight."

Edd: "Thank you, nurse."

Eddy: [miffed] "Nurse?"

Ed: "Nurse Eddy." [He laughs, and Edd sticks the flashlight in his mouth.]

Eddy: "Why can't Nat be the nurse?"

Nat: "Because I'm the receptionist."

[Eddy grumbles as Nat giggles.]

Edd: "Close please." [Ed obediently shuts his mouth.] "Lights please, Nurse."

[Eddy grumpily outs the lights. The flashlight illuminates Ed's body from the inside, allowing us to see his skeleton, which has enlarged to fit his new form.]

Edd: "Lights please." [He writes on a clipboard.]

Ed: "What is wrong with me, Doctor Surgeon Head?"

Edd: [thinking] "Just one more test." [He holds a bunny up to Ed.]

Ed: "Oh look, it's a bun-" [He begins to inhale air in a manner that suggests a sneeze.]

Eddy: "HE'S GONNA BLOW! RUN FOR IT!" [Eddy, Nat and Edd dive behind a couch. Ed sneezes explosively.]

Edd: "Oh my."

Ed: [dazed] "Double Doctor D?"

Edd: "You appear to be allergic to rabbits, Ed."

Eddy: "So now what, Doctor Double Meat-Patty?"

Edd: "We'll have to treat him immediately, Eddy."

Nat: "How do we do that?"

Edd: "With cold cream."

Ed: "Scratch me, I am itchy!"

[Ed laughs as Edd and Nat spread a cream on him.]

Nat: "This cream should help."

Edd: "We'll have you back to normal in no time, Ed!"

Ed: "Gravy!"

Edd and Nat: "More cold cream, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Coming right up, Doctor Doublemint and Nurse Natalimp!" [He flings a spoonful of cold cream onto Ed.]

Edd: [sarcastic] "Oh, that's real good, Eddy. That should really–" [A huge amount of cream falls on Edd, covering him.]

Eddy: [with a snow shovel] "Shout if you need more!"

Ed: "Guys! I am still itchy. Um, my mom always uses talcum powder for itching."

Edd: "Eddy, could you please fill the talcum powder dispenser?"

Eddy: "Yeah, yeah." [muttering] "But you better not call me Nurse."

Edd: [taking the dispenser] "Thank you, Eddy."

Eddy: [noting the dispenser's small size] "That's gonna take forever!"

Edd: "Yes, but it will provide an even, equal distribution."

Nat: "At least Ed will be better."

Eddy: [dumping the container of powder in front of a fan] "Time is money, Double D and Nat. And I love money!"

Edd and Nat: [fighting the artificial wind] "EDDY!"

Ed: [after the dust clears] "I smell pretty. How come I'm still big, guys?"

Nat: "Maybe we should use ice."

Edd: "Ice should reduce the swelling."

Eddy: "Bingo, Sockhead!"

Eddy: [holding an ice bag] "This ice bag should do it."

Edd: "And, with my modifications to this refrigerator, we'll have plenty of ice!"

Nat: "Ready when you are guys."

[Edd is holding a hose with a funnel at the end. The other end of the hose leads into the fridge's ice dispenser. Nat turns it on, and ice comes out of the hose, flying into the ice bag.]

Eddy: "You'll be back to your gruesome self in no time, Ed."

Ed: [shivering] "Whatever you say, Ed-d-d-dy."

Eddy: [now with enough ice] "All right, Double D. Hold it. Stop. Give it up." [losing his patience] "ENOUGH WITH THE ICE ALREADY!"

Edd: [unable to control his machine] "I seem to miscalculate the cubic sheet velocity through circular extention."

Eddy: [getting pelted with ice] "Double D!" [He falls off Ed.]

[Edd stumbles backwards as Nat turns it off.]

Nat: "There we go."

Eddy: "Quit fooling around, Double–whoa!" [Ed starts to shrink.] "Should've thought of this in the first place."

Nat: "Ed's back to normal."

Edd: "We need to protect you from those allergies, Ed."

Ed: [back to normal] "Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care."

[Ed is in a cardboard box, wearing work boots and surgical gloves.]

Edd: "This allergenic containment center should take care of you, Ed."

Nat: "How do you feel Ed?"

Ed: "Bring them on."

Eddy: "We've wasted too much time! Let's get these animals back to Rolf so we can collect our loot."

[Eddy hauls up the garage door to reveal a garage stuffed to the brim with rabbits.]

Ed: "I'll take the one on the left."

Edd: "Seems like Mr. and Mrs. Bunny have been practicing the multiplication table."

Nat: "Aww!"

Ed: "Oh no."

[The bunnies explode from the tightly packed garage, avalanching in a wave of rabbity fur.]

Eddy: "Avalanche!"

[Jonny and Plank are playing cards in the lane. Jonny's eyes shift from side to side.]

Jonny: "Got any fours, Plank?"

Plank:

[The rabbits are seen building up and topping the fence.]

Jonny: "Go fish? Are you holding out, Plank?"

[The rabbits' combined mass becomes too much for the fence. The fence topples over, letting the bunnies swarm freely.]

Jonny: "Plank! I told you bunnies would take over the world, and they have!" [He surfs the wave of rabbits using Plank as a board.] "Lucky we prepared for this day, huh Plank?"

[Kevin is riding his bike. He suddenly sees something that makes him stop and turn around.]

Kevin: "What the–"

[The something is, of course, the massive riot of rabbits. They pursue him, and the wave overtakes him swiftly.]

[Sarah and Jimmy are playing on the teeter-totter in the playground.]

Sarah: "Whee!"

Jimmy: "This is fun. Whee!" [He finds a bunny on his side of the ride.] "Look Sarah, a bunny!"

Sarah: "That must be Rolf's."

Jimmy: [with too many bunnies on his side] "Sarah! Bunny attack!"

Sarah: "Jimmy!"

[The playground is covered in a sea of rabbits, leaving Sarah stranded on her side of the teeter-totter, which is now up forever.]

[The Eds and Nat are sitting on a couch in front of a TV.]

Eddy: "Anything good on, Double D?"

Edd: [looking through a copy of Tube (aka TV Guide) magazine] "Ooh! There's a documentary on mollusks."

Nat: "We can watch the nature channel!"

Ed: "Boring! How about, 'Bard! Defender of the Bunyon People'?"

[Various cries for help from the children of the cul-de-sac are heard.]

Eddy: "HEY! SHUT YER YAPS! WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH TV HERE!"

[We now see that the Eds and Nat are on the roof of the house, the sole survivors among the sea of bunnies.]

Eddy: "Man, some people are so inconsiderate."


	21. Who, What, Where, Ed

[Ed is in the kitchen, playing with a yo-yo.]

Ed: "Boy, I'm good! Yo yo, yo yo yo, yo..."

Nat: [reading the cookbook] "Here it is Double D."

Edd: "Just as I thought. One teaspoon of butter, perfectly measured. Eddy?"

Eddy: "Got it, Double D." [He grabs the entire stick. Cooking at the stove] "You guys and girl haven't lived till you've tried one of my omelets. Ed, eggs, I need eggs!"

Ed: "I got 'em, Eddy!" [He ties himself up in his yo-yo string.] "Almost there, Eddy!" [He tries to walk forward but falls.]

Edd: "Ed! You're pitting the floor!"

Ed: "Aw no way, Double D, not since I had my braces removed."

Eddy: "Eggs, Ed, eggs!"

Ed: [opening the freezer] "Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs." [He finds a popsicle.] "Pop freeze!"

Eddy: [putting way too much salt in the pan] "You won't find eggs in the freezer, Monobrow! Look in the fridge? Next to the milk?"

Ed: [his tongue stuck to the popsicle] "I'll be right back, Eddy!" [He looks through the fridge.] "I found some eggs!"

Eddy: "Bring 'em over, I'm starving!"

Ed: "I'm Ed!"

Nat: "Ed I don't think you should-"

[Ed brings them over, his tongue still stuck. His tongue knocks the fridge over, and it stops him, pulling him back.]

Ed: "Got them!"

[Ed falls, releasing the eggs. The eggs fly all over the place. Eddy holds up his pan to protect himself. Edd is pelted to the floor. Nat uses the cookbook to protect herself.]

Nat: "I tried to warn him."

Eddy: [getting up] "Hmm. Ed? Oh Ed?"

Ed: [holding his treat] "Banana flavor, Eddy! Wanna bite?"

Eddy: "Hold that thought." [He smashes Ed in the face with the frying pan.]

[Eddy, Nat and Edd are trying to clean the eggs off of themselves.]

Nat: "There goes the eggs."

Edd: "No eggs, no omelets, Eddy."

Eddy: "If we had a chicken, we'd be knee deep in eggs." [He gets an idea.] "A chicken! That's it!"

Ed: [leaping on Eddy] "A chicken! Oh please Eddy, can we get a chicken? C'mon Eddy! Oh please Eddy let's get a chicken. Can we please?" [pleading] "I love chickens, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Sure, Ed, you can have a chicken." [sinister] "But I get to keep the eggs."

[A chicken is sitting on a nest in a bucket. Rolf suddenly picks it up.]

Rolf: "The hay is warm and tells Rolf all." [He pulls out an egg.] "Ah. The fat has been creamed, and I will sleep well. A fine egg. Rolf will remember."

Ed: "Look! Chickens!"

Eddy: "And they lay eggs! Hey Rolf, fire over that egg-maker!"

Ed: [chasing a chicken] "Chickens are fast."

Eddy: "C'mon Rolf, give us a chicken!"

Rolf: "Has your brain turned to custard like half-priced pastry, Ed-boy? I give you no chickens!" [Ed drops the chickens he is holding.] "It is very simple, like yourself. You hatch your own fowl."

Edd: "An opportunity to nurture the life and future of a domestic fowl seems appealing."

Nat: "I agree."

Ed: "Where do eggs come from, Rolf?"

Rolf: [picking up a chicken] "Let me show you exactly where the egg comes from–"

Edd: "No! Um...eggs come from chickens, Ed."

Ed: "Where does a chicken come from?"

Rolf: "An egg, slowpoke Ed! My day is half over and you are half full. Goodbye."

Eddy: "Wait! Rolf! How bout that egg?"

Rolf: "You must trade for the egg, greasy Ed-boy."

Eddy: "Trade? For what?"

Rolf: "Sawdust. You want this egg, yes, Ed-boy?"

Eddy: [with a cup and a funnel] "We'll have a chicken in no time!" [He places the funnel in the cup and gives it to Nat.]

Ed: [with a two-person saw and a log] "I love chickens, Eddy!"

Edd: [on the other end of the saw] "I enjoy witty banter, but my arms are falling asleep here!"

Nat:[holds the cup under the log] "Cup is under!"

Eddy: "The sawdust collector is ready. Let's go boys!" [Ed starts sawing, and the dust slowly collects in the cup.] "I'd hate to do that for a living."

[Edd, on the other end of the saw, is being pulled back and forth, slamming against the log on every pull.]

Jonny: [running up to them] "Stop! Stop sawing that log!"

Nat: "But we need sawdust."

Eddy: "How else are we supposed to get sawdust? Maybe Plank'd like to contribute."

Jonny: "Oh no. Plank says–"

Plank:

Jonny: "–Kevin has lots of sawdust!"

Eddy: [excited] "Kevin's got sawdust? Remind me to thank you! Later!"

Ed: "I'm getting a chicken!"

Kevin: [lugging a trash can full of sawdust out of his shed] "Sawdust bites." [He wipes his brow.] "Doing chores bites."

Nat: "Hi Kevin!"

Edd: "Excuse me, Kevin, but we would like to offer our services and help you dispose of that–"

Eddy: "Give us your sawdust, Kevin!" [trying to scam him] "I mean, sawdust is so heavy. And it's just lying around, doing nothing. Useless dust. From a saw. Eh?"

Edd: "And our respect for wood by-products will ensure it will be distributed to a loving home." 

Nat: "Please Kevin?"

[The Eds and Nat grin nervously.]

Kevin: "Fine. You can have the sawdust."

The Eds and Nat: "YEAH!"

Eddy: "Now we can get my egg!"

Ed: [hugging his friends] "And I can hug a chicken."

Kevin: "I'll trade you for...painting my shed."

Eddy: [irked] "Trade shmade, paint your own lousy shed."

Kevin: "No sweat. I'll just take this sawdust and–"

Eddy: "No wait um...so where's the paint?"

Kevin: "What paint?"

Eddy: "How do we paint the shed with no paint?"

Kevin: "You figure it out. Dork!"

[Jimmy is in his room, doing a still life of a fruit bowl.]

Jimmy: [polishing an orange] "Darn waxy buildup. Perfect." [painting] "You're a pretty dog–huh?"

[He looks out to see the Eds have taken over his studio.]

Eddy: "How's it going, Rembrandt?"

Nat: [looking at the painting] "What a lovely painting!"

Jimmy: [running into a closet] "My fresco is ruined!"

Eddy: "Jimmy, wait! Just give us some paint! Jimmy, c'mon!" [After recieving no reply, he tries to break the door down.]

Jimmy: [cowering in a corner] "How much must an artist suffer? Oh, the torment."

Eddy: [reaching under the door] "Come out here, willya? We just need some lousy paint."

Jimmy: [sighting the groping hand] "AAAH!"

Nat: "Eddy I think you should-"

Eddy: "Where are ya, ya little–" [a biting sound is heard] "YOW! He bit me! He bit me! Jimmy bit me! Jimmy bit me!"

[Nat sighs]

Edd: "A starving artist, I suppose." [he snickers along with Nat] "I couldn't resist." [He marches up to Jimmy's door.] "Pardon me, Jimmy, perhaps we could interest you in a trade?"

Jimmy: "A trade?" 

Nat: "Yes is there anything you'd like?"

Jimmy: [he thinks] "Clams!"

Edd and Nat: [taken aback] "Clams?"

Eddy: "Clams? Where the heck do you get–"

Jimmy: [opening the door] "No clams, no paint." [He slams the door shut.]

Eddy: "Clams? What's with clams?" [The Eds and Nat ring a doorbell.] "Could you spare some clams?" [They rush to another door.]

Edd: "Pardon me, you wouldn't happen to have any clams, would you?"

Eddy: [to yet another person] "Say, you haven't seen any clams around here, have ya?"

Nat: [at another house] "Can we please borrow a cup of clams?"

Ed: [ringing another doorbell] "Can Eddy come out to play?"

Eddy: "I'm right beside you, Ed."

Ed: "Hi, Eddy!"

[A sudden noise comes from the sewers. A manhole cover is lifted and pushed aside. Plank climbs out, wearing scuba gear. Jonny follows him, dressed the same way.]

Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you're hard to beat when it comes to gathering clams!"

Plank:

Edd: "Clams?"

Ed: [heading towards Jonny] "Is that Jonny?"

Nat: "It is."

Eddy: "The clam master has arrived."

Edd: [scratching his head] "My, how convenient."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: [to Jonny] "Just what we're looking for. Toss a few of those clams our way, Jonny boy."

Jonny: "Trade ya, Eddy."

Eddy: [put out] "Oh sure, why not."

Jonny: "We'd like an anchor!"

Eddy: "An anchor? What are you, nuts? I'm going home!" [He walks into the open manhole.]

Ed: [peering down at Eddy] "But I love chickens, Eddy!"

[The Kankers are sitting on their sofa, reading a copy of "Tire Iron Weekly" and giggling. The doorbell rings, and they rush to get it.]

The Kankers: "Visitors!"

Lee: "Out of the way!"

Marie: [fighting with her sisters over who gets to open the door] "How's a knuckle sandwich sound?" [She pushes them away.] "Ha!"

[She opens the door to reveal a tall man in a trenchcoat. The Eds, standing on one another.]

Tall Man: "Greetings, ladies. Um, we're doing a survey, and–" [His chest taps him.]

Tall Man's Chest (Edd): "Eddy!"

Tall Man: "Oh, I mean, ahem–" [his voice deepens] "I'm doing a survey, and–"

Lee: "Our mom's not home."

Marie: "Yeah, take a hike." [The Kankers giggle.]

Tall Man: "I was wondering, how many anchors do you own?"

May: "That's stupid."

Lee: "You look familiar, mister."

Eddy: "Huh?" [as his costume begins to shake] "Stop it, will ya?"

May: "You were on an infomercial?"

Tall Man: "Um, no, yes. I'm very well known. Quite famous actually. Want my autograph?"

Ed: [sticking his head out] "I'm the legs." [The disguise collapses.]

Edd: [clinging to Ed] "Oh my. Exposed."

Marie: "It's our boyfriends!"

Lee: "Eddy's such a weasel."

Marie: "Group hug!"

May: "Let's kiss them!"

[Nat shows up and stands in front of them.]

Nat: "Not today please!"

Ed: "Oh no, not me!" [He runs away, dragging his friends behind him.]

Eddy: "Run, Ed, run!"

[They leave the trailer park.]

Jonny: [on a swing with Plank] "Listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket, Plank."

Eddy: "Got your anchor, Jonny." [He hands Jonny a rope.] "Allow me." [He spins the tire swing in a circle. The rope winds around Jonny, tying him up. Ed comes in, carrying a large rock.] "Wise trade, Jonny. Clams for an anchor. I'm such a sucker." [to Edd and Nat] "Quick, let's get over to Kevin's."

[Edd and Nat point at Jonny, who has managed to get free and is clinging to the bucket.]

Eddy: "All right, all right! We couldn't get an anchor. Can we trade for something else?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Plank wants to trade!"

[Sarah is playing badminton with Nazz. She draws back her racquet, but when she moves to hit the birdie she is unable to.]

Sarah: "HEY!"

Nat: "Hi Sarah can we please-"

Eddy: "Give me your racquet, Sarah."

Sarah: "My serve!" [She hits Eddy into the net. Eddy flies back into his friends.] "DON'T EVER TOUCH MY RACQUET!"

Ed: [pleading] "Sarah, we need it to trade for a chicken. Please?"

Sarah: "I'll trade you for a giant teddy bear."

Eddy: [despairing] "When will it end?"

Ed: "Back to Jimmy's!" [He herds them away.]

[Someone knocks on Jimmy's door. He looks through the peephole.]

Jimmy: "What do you want?"

Eddy: "Giant teddy bear?"

Jimmy: "Plums."

Eddy: [growling in frustration] "What's with the food?"

Edd: "Plums are good for you, Eddy."

Rolf: [picking a plum] "So, back again, wanting Rolf's plums, confused Ed-boys and Nat-girl? Do you not want my egg?"

Eddy: [exasperated] "Yes, we want the egg! But we need these plums first!"

Rolf: "No plums, as I am still waiting for my sawdust. Do not fool Rolf!"

Eddy: [sarcastic] "Oh, I know, let's trade!" [He fishes through his pockets.] "How about a nice comb for those plums?"

Rolf: "I have many, thank you."

Eddy: "I should have noticed." [looking through Edd's pockets] "Let's see, a 'Condensed Manners for the Advanced' book?" [recieving no response, pulling out an abacus] "Okay, a, a–"

Edd: "Abacus, Eddy." [still no response, he looks over at Nat]

Nat: "I don't have anything Eddy."

Ed: "I got a yo-yo." [He plays with it.] "That is called 'Walking the Dog'."

Eddy: [despairing] "It's over, Nat, Double D. No eggs, no chicken, no omelets."

Rolf: [playing with the yo-yo and laughing] "It is so simple, I am enjoying myself!"

Eddy: [hopeful] "Yo-yo for plums, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Yes, Ed-boy. I have never seen such a thing. My family will sit around, telling stories of produce spread and Rolf's yo-yo for generations."

Eddy: "Well..."

Rolf: [giving him the plums] "Ya ya. Goodbye."

Eddy: "Be right back."

[The Eds and Nat go from house to house. They trade the plums for the bear, and the bear for the racquet.]

Eddy: "Ed, wait!"

Edd: [pointing in the other direction] "Jonny's this way!"

Ed: "Fore!" [with the clams] "Follow me!"

[The Eds and Nat bring the paints to the shed, and the sawdust to Rolf's.]

Eddy: [standing in front of the sawdust-filled trashcan] "So, here's the sawdust. Cough up the egg, Rolfy boy."

Rolf: "Yes, the trade is complete." [He holds up the egg.] "Behold."

Nat: "Awesome!"

Edd: "Splendid."

Eddy: [taking it] "It's mine." [to the egg] "What I went through for you, baby."

Nat: "You can make your omelet now!"

Edd: "I'll design plans for an incubator."

Ed: "It has my eyes."

Eddy: "And your thick outer shell."

Ed: "I want to hold it, Eddy." [He grabs the egg.] "Let's play!"

Eddy: "Ed, no! Wait!"

Ed: "You must be so cramped in there. Fly, chicken, fly!" [He opens the egg, spilling its contents.] "Uh, the chicken's gone bad."

Eddy: "Like my luck."


	22. Keeping up with the Eds

[Ed rings the doorbell. He then rings it again. He then rings it eight more times. Edd answers it on the seventh ring overall.]

Eddy: "Alright, already!" [walking into the house] "Hey, Double D and Nat!"

Nat: "Good morning Eddy!"

Edd: "Good morning, Eddy! Um, Eddy, could you–"

Ed: [walking backwards] "Hi, Double D and Nat."

Nat: "Good morning Ed!"

Edd: [giggling] "Oh, good morning, Ed. Wait! Eddy, please remove your shoes. We just waxed the floor!"

Eddy: "Always with the shoes. Alright, alright." [He takes his shoes off.]

Edd: "Thanks, Eddy."

Ed: [using his teeth] "Look, no hands!" [He removes his shoe, and the smell of his feet invades.]

Eddy: [pinching his nose shut] "Phew! I think the circus is in town!"

Eddy: "So what are you two doing hmm?"

Edd: "O-Oh we were just uh-"

Nat: "I'm helping Double D with his chores."

Edd: "R-Right exactly."

Eddy: [smirking] "Whatever you say."

[Ed steps forward in his socks and immediately topples over. He takes another step and barely manages to stay on his feet. He then begins to "skate" around the room.]

Edd and Eddy: "Freestyle floor-skate!"

Edd: "First one to the kitchen makes lunch!"

Eddy: "See ya, Sockhead!" [He takes off. Edd giggles and then begins to skate, gracefully. Nat struggles to keep her balance. Edd goes back and helps her.]

Ed: "Beep beep!" [He runs into Nat and Edd. Instead of running them down, Ed instead pushes them in front of him.]

Eddy: [at the fridge] "I win!" [Ed skates into him. Ed then falls down. Edd sprawls on top of him, Nat sprawls on top of Edd, and Eddy on top all of them.]

Ed: [with a sticky note over his nose] "Oh no! My nose! My nose is flat!" [picking the note off his face] "And someone wrote on it!"

Edd: "Thank you, Ed, my parents leave me–"

Eddy: [snatching the note] "Let me see that!" [reading it] "Dear Eddward, please make your bed, wash your hat, and wear clean underwear. Love, Mom."

[Nat giggles which causes Edd to blush.] 

Eddy: "P.S.: Father would like to talk to you. See note 6A, Section E." [looking around the sticky note filled kitchen] "Holy cow! Would you look at all those sticky notes?" 

Nat: "I think it's impressive, my parents just leave me a list of tasks."

[Edd smiles]

Eddy: [reading various notes] "Eddward, do the laundry, wash the windows, lift the seat,–"

Edd: "Excuse me, those are personal!" [noticing one] "Oh dear. Father wants me to mow the lawn! I detest mowing the lawn!"

Nat: "Don't worry Double D we'll help you!"

Eddy: "Ah, cutting the grass is easy. Even Ed here could do it."

Ed: "'Cause I'm simple!"

Eddy: "Unleash the power, Double D! Bring out that gas-guzzling, pull start power mower with the side grab bag."

Edd: "Okay, Eddy. Here it is!" [He takes the tarp off a push mower.]

Nat: "It's cute!"

Eddy: "What the–that's an old push mower! It's easier to pull teeth than cut the–" [having an idea] "Oh, Ed."

Ed: "Yes, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Check it out. Doesn't that lawn mower look like the thermo-destructo Whibble-Whacker from Space Leech 4?"

Ed: "Yeah!"

Eddy: [whispering] "Attack the Whibbles."

Ed: "THE WHIBBLES!" [He starts pushing the mower at a furious rate.] "ATTACK THE WHIBBLES!"

Eddy: "And you don't even have to clean up after him."

Ed: "WHIBBLES AWAY!" [Eddy is on the back porch, sipping lemonade.] "OUT OF THE WAY, CITIZEN!"

Eddy: "What did you call me?"

[Ed plows through a flowerbed.]

Nat: "Not the flowers!"

Edd: [after Ed plows through a flowerbed] "Oh, dear, Ed!" [Ed runs over a flamingo.] "STOP! DESIST!" [Ed destroys the picnic area.] "Discontinue! Refrain! Abstain!" [Broken wood covers him. Nat pulls him out of the broken wood.]

[Ed has finished mowing the lawn.]

Ed: "Whibbles have been terminated, Eddy."

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "My backyard! There is no backyard! Oh, this is not good. Oh dear. This is worth another ten sticky notes."

Eddy: [looking at the destroyed backyard] "So Ed cut the grass a little close to the ground. Big deal. It's a simple fix, Double D. We'll just grow it back."

Edd: "That'll take weeks!"

Eddy: "Not with what I got!" [grabbing Ed] "C'mon, Frankenstein."

Nat: [holding a nail on a fence post] "Ready Double D!"

Edd: "Here it comes!" [He drives the nail into the fence post.] "Careful...ahh, the fence is repaired. Let's mend that umbrella."

[Ed comes crashing through the freshly repaired fence. Eddy is sitting on a huge bag of something.]

Edd: "What is that?"

Eddy: "This, Double D, is Montezuma's Free-Range Manure! My dad uses it all the time on his grass."

Ed: "And it's a big bag."

Edd: "But we're constrained by the intimacy of our situation."

Eddy: "And you kiss your mother with that mouth? Okay, keep your eyes peeled." [He plunges a hand into the sack.] "Lift your foot, big guy!" [He plants some of the manure on Ed's shoe. Mushrooms sprout almost immediately.]

Nat: "Cool!"

Ed: "Nice shoe!"

Eddy: "Wow, that's fast. Fast? Cash! Bingo!" [he explains his idea] "Let's put this stuff on everybody's lawn. Then mow it for money!"

Edd: "I hate mowing the lawn!"

Eddy: "But you love jawbreakers."

Edd: "Yes. I do."

Eddy: [opening the bag] "Stand clear!"

[Some of the manure has been poured onto Edd's lawn.]

Edd: "Smelly smelly smelly."

Eddy: [to Ed, who has a shovel ready] "Ready Ed?"

Ed: "Roger Wilco, Eddy!" [he tosses shovelfuls over his shoulder] "You're gone! Later, buckaroo!"

Eddy: "Faster, Ed!"

[Manure splatters like giant raindrops all over the cul-de-sac.]

Jimmy: [having a tea party with Sarah] "And I find polyester and rayon always gives me a rash!"

Sarah: "I think that Nazz has such a neat haircut."

Jimmy: "Ooh! I'd love to style her hair, Sarah. If you let me." [He reaches for a sandwich to find it covered in manure. Only then does he notice the rain.] "The sky is falling!"

Ed: [exhausted] "All done, Eddy."

Eddy: "You're an animal, Ed."

Edd: [panicking] "It's not working! It's everywhere! This is unsanitary!"

Nat: " It will, Just give it a second."

[Almost immediately after Nat says that, the earth starts to rumble. Grass then sprouts, very high. The same thing is happening all across the cul-de-sac.]

Nat: "See I told you."

Edd: [stepping out of the grass with his friends] "We mow all this grass?"

Eddy: "We're in the money! Let's cut grass!"

Jimmy: "Aah!"

Edd: "Sounds like the cats are fighting."

[Nat giggles.]

Eddy: "Nah, that's Jimmy."

Sarah: "Aah!"

Eddy: "And that's Sarah."

Sarah: "Help!"

Ed: "Sarah's lost in the tall grass! Trouble! Big!"

Nat: "Don't worry Ed we'll help her!"

Eddy: [unconcerned] "Fine. We mow her out and charge her."

Ed: "Eddy, you look thataway. We're coming, Sarah!" [He throws Eddy into a lawn.]

Eddy: "Ed!" [exits the lawn] "Ed!"

Ed: [rushing into one] "Don't tell Mom, Sarah! Here I come! Everything is okay, I see you now!" [He runs into a tree. Exiting a lawn] "That wasn't you, Sarah."

Eddy: [peeking out of a grove of grass] "Ed?"

Ed: "Sarah!" [He hits a tree.] "Ow." [He falls at Eddy's feet.] "Hello, Eddy."

Eddy: "Where's Double D and Nat?"

Edd: [entering the meeting] "Present."

Nat: [also entering] "I'm here."

Eddy: "I think Ed's lost."

Sarah: [from her haven] "Help!"

Nat: "I hear Sarah!"

Edd: [a rope tied around his waist] "I've set up a guide line to the street, Eddy."

Eddy: "Let's hunt 'em down!"

Sarah: "Get us out!"

Ed: "Sarah!" [grabbing Eddy] "Eddy, help me find Sarah!"

Eddy: "We need to mow the lawns, Ed."

Ed: "I could eat the grass." [He tries to eat it.]

Nat: "What about Rolf's goat?"

Edd: "Rolf's goat eats grass."

Ed: [running off] "Rolf's got a goat, Sarah!"

[The Eds and Nat look into Rolf's farmyard, which is barren of grass.]

Eddy: "Check it out."

Edd: "Eureka!"

Nat: "Hi Rolf!"

Eddy: "Hiya, Rolf!"

Edd: "Greetings, Rolf."

Rolf: [holding a rabbit] "Hello, Ed-boys and Nat-girl. Would you like to join me for lunch?"

Eddy: "Yeah, right. Hey Rolf, let us borrow your goat for a while and we'll cut your grass for free."

Rolf: "Free? Sure! But you must follow the customary procedure for the Passing of the Goat." [He holds out the notepad.] "Read and sign, thank you."

Eddy: "Take care of that, will ya, Double D?"

Rolf: "The Passing of the Goat continues to be a stable export of my country!" [he points to places on the contract] "Here, here, here, and there." [Edd signs where indicated.]

Eddy: [leaping on Victor] "Okay, goat! Time to work!" [the goat doesn't move] "Quit stalling, goat!"

Nat: "Eddy please don't be rude."

Edd: [completing the form] "Complete!"

[Rolf looks the notepad over carefully.]

Rolf: "Very good. Victor, you're out of here!"

[Victor, who up to this point was impossible to budge, takes off like a bullet. He heads straight into the grass, tunneling through it at full speed.]

Nat: "Wow."

Edd: "Strong union."

[Victor, still with Eddy on his back, is tearing through the grass at a furious pace. Ed, Nat and Edd are following in his wake.]

Edd: "Follow Victor!"

Nat: "Right behind you!"

[Victor mows several yards in seconds. Eddy nearly falls off. He manages to grab the goat's tail and pull himself back on, however.]

Eddy: "Goat, stop! Whoa, Victor!" [He grabs Victor's ears, spurring the goat on to an even faster pace. In a short time, Victor races through the entire cul-de-sac, mowing everyone's lawns.]

[Ed, Nat and Edd are in a freshly mown lawn.]

Nat: "The lawns are clear!"

Ed: "Goats are fast. SARAH!" [He runs over to the abandoned tea party.] "Oh no!" [searching madly in impossible locations] "Sarah! Hello? Are you there, Sarah? SARAH!" [He puts the picnic basket over his head.] "Cool."

[Victor makes a goat noise.]

Ed: "Victor? THE GOAT ATE SARAH! THE GOAT ATE MY SISTER!" [He rushes past Eddy, who is shell-shocked and covered in grass clippings.]

Eddy: "Ed looking for the goat?"

Edd: [Victor is now a round blob of goat] "I think he found him."

Ed: [mad with fear and pain] "Sarah! Sarah!"

Sarah: "You're in trouble, Ed!"

Ed: "Are you okay?"

Sarah: "Where are you, Ed!"

Ed: "I'm right beside you! Stay calm, and don't touch anything!" [Sarah comes to the window of the house which Victor is parked by.]

Sarah: "What are you talking about?"

Ed: "It's okay, Sarah! Big brother will get you out!" [He opens Victor's mouth and plunges his head in.]

Sarah: "I'm over here, stupid."

Ed: "I CAN'T SEE!"

Sarah: [exasperated] "Ed, the window!" [Ed pulls his head out of the goat.]

Ed: "Sarah?" [he offers the doll to her] "How did you get out of the goat, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Gimme my dolly, you big lummox!" [She grabs the doll.]

Ed: [to his friends] "Sarah's fine."

Eddy: "Good. Let's get our dough."

Nat: "But what about Victor?"

Eddy: "What about him?"

Edd: "We need to get Victor back to Rolf. I'm responsible. I signed a contract."

Eddy: "Later, Double D."

Edd: "You don't understand! I'll owe Rolf two bags of beans, five pigs, and a turnip if I don't return Victor!"

[Eddy is walking on top of Victor. Ed, Nat and Edd are pushing in the other direction. The combined force has Victor moving rightward.]

Eddy: "Pick it up, guys!" [the goat speeds up] "Yeah. Here we go." [Eddy doesn't realize that they're on a downhill slope. As the goat accelerates] "Okay. Nonononono. Hang on! Hill! Slow down, will ya?"

Ed, Nat and Edd: [no longer pushing the goat, but rather a couple steps behind it] "We're trying, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Ed! Nat! Double D! RUNAWAY GOAT!"

Ed: "I'll save you, Eddy!" [He leaps onto Eddy. This results in the two of them lying on the goat, being mashed into the ground with every clockwise turn the goat makes.] "This is fun!"

Edd: [joining them] "Not good." [Nat continues to chase them. Victor hits a fence and bounces.] "Not good!" [The Eds land in the mud. Victor lands on top of them.]

Ed: "Goat's back." [Victor tries to eat his hair] "Victor likes me."

Eddy: "Goats like leafy vegetables." [Edd ducks into the muck, and Victor bites Eddy's head.] "Let go, Victor!"

[Victor lets go. Edd comes up for air, and the goat snaps at him. Eddy comes up again, and Victor goes for Ed, who ducks just in time. He then goes for Eddy as Edd comes up. Eddy barely escapes.]

Edd: "Nat!"

[Victor continues the makeshift game of Whack-a-Mole.]

[Nat shows up and pulls The Eds out of the mud.]

Nat: "You called?"

Edd: "Yes I did."

Nat: [giggling] "What a surprise."


	23. Eds-Aggerate

[Nat is tying two deck chairs to a clothes-drying contraption in a backyard. Edd is oiling the pole in the center.]

Edd: "The Lawn Chairs Orbit Earth Ride is ready."

Eddy: [by a ticket booth] "Ticket booth ready!"

Ed: [fenced in] "Petting zoo A-OK!"

Eddy: "They'll push, they'll shove, they'll pay big bucks to come to our 'Ed-Land!'"

Nat: "I can't wait!"

Edd: "I'd like to run a preliminary test first."

Ed: "Oh oh, test the petting zoo!"

Eddy: [climbing on to the ride] "Hang on to your eyebrow, Ed."

Ed: "Pet me now!"

Eddy: [uncomfortable] "This chair stinks!"

[Eddy is carrying a stool to Ed-land. Ed is following him with an armchair.]

Edd: [protesting] "You're tampering with the laws of weight and balance, Eddy. Eddy?" 

Nat: "That's a bad idea."

Edd: [He sighs.] "Ignorance must be bliss."

[The armchair is hooked onto one side of the ride, not effectively counterbalanced by the lawn chair still on the other side.]

Eddy: "Now we're talking."

Edd: "Shall we begin, Ed? Contact!"

Eddy: [after Ed fails to push Eddy's chair] "What was that? C'mon, musclehead, push!"

[Ed grabs the chair and pushes it hard. Eddy disappears into a whirling blur. As he spins, the rope starts to come apart. The one holding his chair up snaps and shoots him up, up, and away.]

Eddy: [flying] "WE'RE GONNA BE RICH!"

[In the distance, the chair is heard crashing.]

Ed: "My turn!"

[Eddy is still sitting in the chair. The back end of the chair is wedged in an upper-story window.]

Eddy: "Holy cow!" [He jumps to the ground.] "Good push, Ed. Did you see that chair fly?"

Kevin: [pushing the chair out of the window] "Who broke my window?"

Ed: "Hi Kevin!" [The chair lands on him.] "Ow. [falls down] Ouch."

Kevin: "EDS AND NAT! Don't move."

Edd: "Sorry, Kevin. While testing our new ride, we didn't anticipate the weight-length ratio Eddy's chair–"

Eddy: [slapping a hand over Edd's mouth] "Button your lip!"

Kevin: [belligerent] "Who broke my window?"

Eddy: "Um...didn't you see them?"

Kevin: "Who?"

Eddy: "The Mucky Boys!"

Kevin: "Mucky...boys?"

Eddy: "Yeah! They were dumped off by a tornado! And raised by field mice. In a cave, near the construction site. And they eat their weight in cheese, and they throw comfortable armchairs through the air and smash, into your window."

Kevin: [considering the story for a few seconds] "Baloney!"

Eddy: "Look, there they go!"

Kevin: "Where?"

Eddy: "There!"

Kevin: "Freeze, Mucky Boys!"

Eddy: [to Edd, giggling after Kevin runs off] "Kev's such a sap. Mucky Boys. I crack me up."

[The Eds and Nat turn a corner and walk down the lane.]

Eddy: "Let's test the petting zoo."

Ed: [calling] "Mucky Boys! Oh, Mucky Boys!" [He runs into his friends.] "Did you see a flying comfortable chair?"

Nat: "Eddy but what about Kevin?"

Eddy: "What about him?"

Edd: "Eddy, you should've told the truth."

Eddy: "Truth schmooth. We're off the hook, aren't we?" 

Nat: "Not for long."

[Eddy continues walking and spies something funny.] "C'mere, quick." [Sarah and Jimmy are wearing archeologist-type clothing.] "Check out the fashion slaves, guys."

Ed: "What? What is so funny?"

Sarah: "Just ignore them, Jimmy."

Eddy: "And what are our half-pint pygmies up to?"

Sarah: "If you must know, we're hunting."

Jimmy: "Yeah!"

Eddy: "For a brain?"

Sarah: "No! The Mucky Boys!"

Eddy: [nervous] "Um...the Mucky Boys?"

Sarah: "You've heard of them, haven't you?"

Eddy: "Um, yeah, sure."

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy. Kevin's waiting." [Jimmy sticks his tongue out and they both walk off.]

Ed: "Look out for flying chairs."

Edd: "Well Eddy, it's only a matter of time before Kevin finds out the truth about–"

Eddy: [trying to appear nonchalant] "No problem. We, the Eds and Nat, are smarter than–"

Ed: "Onions?"

Eddy: "No, Ed. We're smarter than–"

Ed: "Buttered toast?" [Eddy grabs his eyebrow and pulls him along.] "A bus driver?"

[Kevin, Rolf, Jimmy, and Sarah are searching the construction site. Kevin sticks a stick into a portable cement mixer and bangs the side.]

Kevin: "No Muckies here. You find anything, Rolf?"'

Rolf: "Not yet, Kevin." [Sarah trips] "I must have silence!" [he picks up some dirt and listens] "The soil speaks to me. It tells me Rolf! The Mucky Boys are fifty paces towards the sun. Cooking beets!"

Sarah: "Are you sure?"

Rolf: "Foolish youth. The soil knows all."

Kevin: "All right. Follow me!"

Eddy: [in a construction machine, scheming with his friends] "They've all fallen for it."

Edd: "Eddy, wouldn't it be easier if we just–"

Ed: "Make funny noises?"

Nat: "No we should-"

Eddy: "Ed! You found a brain! Mucky Boys make loud, funny noises."

[Eddy starts to make loud, odd noises. Ed joins him.]

Edd and Nat: "Ssh!"

[Ed and Eddy stop to laugh, and then continue with the noises. Kevin hears them and stops.]

Rolf: [jumping onto Kevin] "We have angered the Mucky Boys!"

Sarah: [jumping on Rolf] "AAH!"

Jimmy: [getting on top] "Help! Help!"

Kevin: [carrying the rest of the group] "When I see Mucky, I'll believe Mucky. Outta my way!" [He throws his friends off and heads left.]

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [She and the others follow him. The Eds and Nat peek out from behind a bulldozer and sneak off in the other direction. They jump behind a pile of dirt, and Ed falls into mud.]

Eddy: "Ed, you got mud on your face." [looking at the indentation Ed left] "Nice face-print."

Ed: "I'm Ed."

Eddy: "I know what'll fix Kev! Footprints!"

Ed: [with his shoes off] "Look! Mucky feet!"

Eddy: "Hmm." [He hits them with a mallet. Ed's feet swell up exponentially.] "Now those are Mucky feet."

Edd: "Eddy, this is becoming a very complicated–"

Eddy: [not listening] "Okay, Ed, stomp down to the old drain pipe."

[Ed steps on Eddy and walks, with his gigantic feet, in the direction Eddy indicated.]

Ed: "How'm I doing, Eddy?"

[Nat sighs]

Edd: "Oh boy."

Ed: "Uh, where's Eddy, Double D?" [he falls in a puddle]

Edd: "Stuck to your foot like an old gum wrapper."

Ed: [pulling Eddy from the puddle] "Hey Eddy, we're here."

[The Eds and Nat are indeed at the entrance to a giant drainpipe.]

Eddy: "Bingo! This is perfect for the Mucky Boys' cave!"

Nat: "It's dark."

Edd: "It doesn't look very hygenic."

Ed: "Way cool."

[Jimmy is walking along, scared. He suddenly trips and falls into a gargantuan footprint.]

Rolf: "Look at the size of this footprint. I haven't seen feet this big since my great-grandmother."

Kevin: "Let's follow them." [They continue on.]

[The footprints have lead the kids to the puddle.]

Rolf: "The Mucky Boys are smart. I have lost their trail in this pool of water."

Eddy: [inside the pipe] "This will totally throw Kevin off our back."

Edd: [making cave paintings] "Eddy, the authenticity of 'The Cave' is quite questionable. If we just tell Kevin–"

Ed: [with a bone in his head] "I found a bone! Cool, huh?"

Nat: [also making paintings] "As much as I love art we really should-"

Kevin: [in the distance] "Let's check this place out!"

Ed: [unreasonably happy] "Hey, it's Kevin!"

Eddy: "Quick, Double D! We need to vanish! Fast!"

Edd: [holding up the paint] "It says, 'Covers in one coat.'"

[Eddy smiles.]

[The kids peer into the cave.]

Rolf: "It's the Mucky Boy cave." [Various caveman artifacts are everywhere.] "Their hideous scent is everywhere. Do you smell it?"

Sarah: [pinching her nose shut] "Smells like my brother's feet!"

Kevin: [walking past a mural of the Eds and Nat attacking something] "I still haven't seen a Mucky boy."

[The eyes of the characters in the mural pop open as soon as the kids pass. The Eds and Nat apparently covered themselves with paint and stuck themselves to the wall.]

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy, we're falling behind."

Jimmy: "Okay, okay. These shoes are pinching my feet." [He trips over a paint can.]

Sarah: [starting to figure things out] "Paint can, and cave painting." [She dabs at the pig on the wall.] "This paint's still wet! C'mon, Jimmy. I smell something other than Mucky Boys." [She and Jimmy leave.]

Edd: "Eddy, Sarah knows. It's just a matter of time."

Ed: [panicking] "My eyes are stuck! I can't open them!"

Eddy: "Open your eyes, Ed."

Ed: [opening his eyes] "Thanks, Eddy."

Eddy: "If it's Mucky Boys Kevin wants, then it's Mucky Boys Kevin gets."

Nat: "Oh no."

[The kids are still in the pipe.]

Kevin: "C'mon Rolf, how much longer?"

Rolf: "My father walked a hundred miles with a mule, two goats, and a shoe on his back."

Sarah: "Big deal."

[The Eds and Nat are at the end of the pipe, The Eds are coated in mud. They are getting ready.]

Ed: "They're coming, Eddy!"

Eddy: [with moose antlers] "Put this on." [He sticks the antlers to Ed's head.]

Edd: "Eddy, this mud is filthy!"

Eddy: [with a toolbox] "Get over it, Double D. Catch!" [He throws the toolbox.]

Edd: "Catch? Oh dear." [The toolbox strikes him a glancing blow on the side of the head. Nat checks to see he's ok.]

Eddy: "The Mucky Boys live!" [He bangs his wrench on the ground.]

Ed: "Yeah! Mucky Boys!" [He plays with a shovel.]

Edd: "Eddy, I desperately need to wash. Could we please end this?"

Ed: [making a noise] "GEARHWAA! Be scary, Double D." [Edd does a poor imitation of a growl.]

Eddy: [sarcastically] "Oh, I'm petrified."

Rolf: [from the pipe] "Here, we must climb up here!"

[Eddy runs off to hide, not a moment too soon as Rolf comes out a moment later. After exiting, he reaches into the pipe and hauls out the other three. The energy released when they come out causes them to fly onto one end of a filled wheelbarrow. This tips the other end, sending the dirt flying directly onto Rolf.]

Rolf: [shaking some dirt off] "Rolf is too strong for his own good!"

[Suddenly, sounds are heard from behind him. Rolf looks up to see Eddy, holding a wrench and making odd noises.]

Rolf: "Mucky Boys!"

Jimmy: "AAAH!"

[Ed pops out of a dirt pile. Everybody except for Sarah is frightened witless. Edd then pops out. Nat is hiding.]

Kevin: "You guys owe me a window!" [He runs away.]

Rolf: "I must water the beets!" [He exits as well.]

Jimmy: [stranded] "Sarah! Oh, Sarah!" [He hides behind the tipped over wheelbarrow.]

Eddy: [jumping onto Ed's back and riding him like a horse] "Ach gahte!"

Ed and Eddy: "Mucky Mucky Mucky Mucky!"

Eddy: "Mucky, yah!" [Ed gores the barrow, tossing it skyward. The Mucky Boys continue their rampage.]

Sarah: "Oh Ed!" [Ed turns around.] "Mom says you gotta clean your room!"

Ed: "Not now, Sarah, we're playing!"

Kevin: [peeping out from behind a dirt pile] "Huh?"

Sarah: "HA!" [She picks up a hose and aims it at them.]

Eddy: "You have got the biggest mouth!"

[The water hits the Mucky Boys, washing them clean. When the wave subsides, the Eds stand there, soaked. Comically, Ed is still pretending to be a Mucky Boy.]

Sarah: "There's your Mucky Boys!"

[Ed keeps pretending to be a Mucky Boy.]

Eddy: [deciding it's gone on long enough] "Okay, Ed. Show's over, take five." [to Kevin, who is bristling with rage] "Mucky Boys. Pretty funny, huh, Kev?"

[Kevin continues to boil, angry.]

Edd: "Well Eddy, this all could have been avoided if we–"

Ed: "My nose is itchy."

Eddy: "So scratch it."

Ed: "Scratch it for me, Eddy."

Eddy: "Get away from me."

Edd: "Well, Ed, I could've scratched it for you but I'm a little preoccupied at the moment."

[We now see that the Eds are stuck in a giant block of cement.]

Ed: "AAAH! Scratch my nose!"

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed!"

[Jonny and Plank approach with a cake.]

Jonny: "Look, Plank, Kevin was telling the truth!"

Kevin: "Jonny, leave 'em alone! Let 'em stew in their own muck." [He walks off chuckling.]

Jonny: [whispering] "Psst. Eddy. There's a hammer in the cake." [He sets the cake down and walks off.] "Coming, Kevin!"

Edd: "The hammer's obviously contaminated the–"

Ed: "Cake!" [He dives in, eating the cake more with his face than with his mouth. When he comes up, the hammer is stuck to his face.] "Aah, my itch is gone."

Eddy: "Ed, it's on your face."

Ed: "What's on my face?"

Eddy: "The hammer."

Ed: [freaking out] "A tarantula! Aah get it off Eddy, quick quick, Eddy, get it off!"

[Nat shows up and pulls the hammer off Ed's face, She taps the block with it once and the whole thing breaks.]

Nat: "Your welcome."


	24. Oath to an Ed

[Edd walks into his room, wearing a towel and bunny slippers. He spots a package on his bed and goes over to inspect it. There is a sticky note on top.]

Edd: "Dear Edward. I bought you some new clothes! Oh, happy day!" [He inspects them, only to find they're incredibly stiff.]

[Edd exits his house, wearing the new clothes.]

Edd: "There must have been a sale." [Ed and Eddy are outside his house, similarly attired.]

Eddy: [uncomfortable] "I hate new clothes."

Ed: "I love canoes."

[Nat suddenly shows up.]

Nat: "Hi guys, nice clothes!"

Edd: "Nat, you did not receive new clothes?"

Nat: [frowning] "No my parents couldn't afford any."

Eddy: "Lucky you."

Eddy: [after a pause] "Let's go break them in. Follow me." [He trips.] "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!"

Ed: [walking oddly] "Look at me!"

Edd: [using only his feet to move] "Ed!"

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Eddy: [crawling] "I said, FOLLOW ME!"

[The Eds and Nat are at a pond in the woods. Ed and Eddy get out of their clothes. Nat blushes and covers her eyes.]

Eddy: [to a clothed Edd] "Okay, Double D, cough 'em up."

[Edd blushes being aware that Nat is there.]

Edd: "U-Um, I'm fine, Eddy. R-Really. I like my new clothes."

Eddy: "Yeah, right." [Ed jumps in the pond.] "Ready, Ed?"

Ed: "I practiced, Eddy! Splish! Splosh! Splish! Splosh!" [He continues in the background.]

Eddy: [to Edd] "I had a gerbil like him once."

Edd: "Why is Ed acting like a washing machine?"

Eddy: "Give it up, Double D." [He puts Edd in the pond.]

Edd: "EDDY! Oh dear. I'm mixing my colors with my whites."

Eddy: [throwing his clothes in] "Think of the money we could make doing everybody's clothes!"

Edd: "I'd rather not."

Eddy: "Bing!"

Ed: "Spin cycle!" [He spins in circles at a high rate of speed.]

Nat: "Are you guys done?"

Eddy: "Bing!"

Ed: "Washer off!"

Eddy: "Yeah we're done."

[Nat opens her eyes.]

Eddy: [getting his clothes] "They should be nice and comfy now!" [The clothes crumble into dust.]

Ed: "Look! Stain's gone!" [He holds up Double D, whose clothes fall apart as well, revealing his underclothes. Nat watches in shock and blushes. Edd sheepishly covers himself.]

Eddy: [dressed normally, eating cherries] "No big deal. Our old clothes are way better."

Edd: "Ahem. No, Eddy, that's much better. Our old clothes are much better."

Eddy: "Doth my English bug you, bumpkin?"

[Ed eats a tree branch. When he finishes, he jolts in pain and sticks out his tongue to reveal a beetle biting his tongue. Edd and Eddy laugh until Eddy is suddenly grabbed by a net.]

Rolf: [dressed in a strange uniform, going over to Jimmy and Jonny, who don the same clothes] "And that is how to save the helpless kitty from a tree. Easy one two three." [he dumps Eddy out] "Thank you, spoiled Eddy."

Eddy: [noticing Jonny's clothes] "Will ya look at that! Hey, Jonny boy, how's a squirt like you end up with such a cool uniform?"

Rolf: "I see you like Jonny's uniform, big mouth Eddy. Would you and your fellow Ed-boys and Nat-girl like to wear our uniform? Come, I invite you to the privilege to earn one badge. And you too will become Urban Rangers!"

Ed: "But I like being Ed."

Eddy: "One badge for a cool uniform? It's a steal!" [to Rolf] "Tell us what to do, Rolfy boy!"

[The Eds and Nat are in a backyard with Jimmy and Jonny. Jimmy and Jonny have on full regalia; the Eds and Nat only have neckerchiefs.]

Edd: "Oh, dear. A new neurosis."

Nat: "It's nice."

Ed: [wearing his as a blindfold] "Is it fun yet?"

Eddy: "Kinda frilly, ain't it?"

Jonny: "That scarf makes you a Wee Roach. Just like Plank!"

Jimmy: "We were Wee Roaches till we got our badges, see?" [He points to the patches on his uniform.] "Lightbulb-changing badge, garbage bag replacement badge, clothespin alignment badge, and laundry sorting badge."

Rolf: "Line up and present yourselves so you may earn a new badge." [The Rangers all salute.] "Look, Wee Roaches. The Don't Bug Me I'm In the Hammock badge. Yes! Go now!" [They rush off to get the badge.]

Eddy: "The hammock badge is in the bag."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are being lowered into the hammock by ropes.]

Nat: "Please be careful Ed."

Edd: "Now remember, Ed, equal weight is the key."

Ed: "I am the king of the jungle!"

Eddy: "Hey, gorilla, I got a banana for ya."

Ed: "Ed want banana." [He jumps.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: [pulled skyward] "Not good."

Rolf: [inspecting Jimmy's hammock] "Good work, Urban Ranger Jimmy. A new badge for you." [Jimmy giggles. Inspecting Jonny and Plank] "And for you, Urban Ranger Jonny. Very good over-under job."

Eddy: "Okay! Our turn!" [The Eds and Nat are behind painted wood. Holes are cut for their heads. Comically, Ed is in Eddy's place and Eddy is in Ed's spot.]

Rolf: "Ho ho! There are no badges for sneaky Wee Roaches."

Eddy: "Hey, we're in the hammock! Just like those guys!" [The painting falls down to reveal the Eds and Nat standing in the remnants of the tattered, broken hammock.] "What?"

Rolf: "Next badge."

[The Rangers and the Eds and Nat are at attention.]

Rolf: "The Trimming of the Hedge badge is important. It says, Look at me! I am a hotshot." [pulling out a pair of shears] "Trimming shears are important for this."

Ed: "It looks like the head of the monster from I Was a Teenage Appetizer from Planet Sushi: The Second Coming."

Rolf: "No shears for you, potato Ed-boy!"

[Jimmy is seen running a comb over his hedge.]

Jimmy: "They will be so jealous."

Edd: [seeing Eddy cut haphazardly] "Eddy, could you try and be more precise with your snips?"

Ed: "My turn my turn."

Edd: "Please! Start on the other end, Ed." [muttering] "Distractions, distractions."

Rolf: [examining Jimmy's hedge] "Sho-ho? Sho-ha! Enjoy your new badge, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Thank you, Rolf!"

Rolf: [looking at Plank's] "Yes, Plank. Yes, good."

Plank:

Eddy: [finishing up] "It's in the bag, boys."

[Ed spots a root near the base. He picks it up and pulls on it. He subsequently uproots the whole shrub, ruining Edd, Nat and Eddy's work on it.]

Ed: "How's it look?"

Rolf: "Wee Roaches! You are trying my patience, and that is not good, as I am the son of a shepherd."

Rolf: "Next badge: Escorting the Elderly Across the Street. Should be as easy as combing Papa's back hair."

Eddy: "I'm into easy! Where's the badge-bearing geriatric?"

Rolf: "My Nana was too busy frying weeds, but trendy Nazz-girl agreed to take her place."

Nazz: "Hi guys."

Eddy: "Uh, Ed? You're up, pal."

Ed: [pushing Eddy forward] "Not me, Eddy wants to."

Rolf: "Wee Roach Eddy. Finish this task before nightfall. Come and make your turn."

Eddy: "Sure. Yeah."

Nazz: "You gonna hold my hand?"

Eddy: "Okay." [He starts crossing the street.] "Watch your step. There you go, Nazz."

Ed: [who Eddy has just lead across] "Boy Eddy, your hand is so sweaty. But you did good."

Rolf: "Very good, but Wee Roach Ed is not Nana. No badge."

Rolf: [in his kitchen] "Next badge: The Fast Food Burrito. Microwaved properly, will earn you Urban Rangerhood."

Eddy: "Here, Double D. This is more your bag."

Edd: [reading the instructions] "Cut small hole in package. Check! Microwave at medium heat for one minute." [He dials in the code and starts the microwave.]

Eddy: [impatient] "What's taking so long? Let's put it into high gear!" 

Nat: "Eddy I don't think thats-"

Eddy: [He presses some buttons.] "Ha! Now we're talking!"

Rolf: [a few seconds later] "Is it ready?"

[The microwave begins to shake. A few seconds later, it explodes burrito filling all over the kitchen.]

Rolf: "BLURF!!!" [covered in goo] "Have you roaches been drinking milk from a rusty bucket? You have spoiled the wonderful food product! Such waste and disrespect to the fast-food stockers is not allowed in the Urban Rangers!" [sighing] "But, seeing you covered in filth reminds me of my youth. Next badge."

Ed: "Gravy!"

Nat: "What a mess!"

Edd: "Um, Rolf, I really need to wash."

[The Eds and Nat and Rolf are in a bathroom.]

Rolf: "All right, Wee Roaches! This one is easy!"

Ed: [looking at the toilet] "I can do this one!"

Rolf: [pointing to a used roll of toilet paper] "This empty roll must be replaced with a new one."

Eddy: "You replace those? What a cinch." [He takes one end of the toilet paper holder off.] "You just lift, and slide off the old one. Double D?"

Edd: [seeing it about to shoot off] "Oh my."

[The holder breaks free and ricochets around the bathroom.]

Eddy: "RUNAWAY PAPER HOLDER!"

[Ed laughs while Nat is shocked and Rolf watches.]

Eddy: [leaping up] "I got it!"

Edd: [jumping as well] "Allow me, Eddy!"

[The two stand on opposite sides of the toilet bowl, balanced on its seat. They juggle the holder in the air, trying to catch it, until it falls straight into the toilet.]

Rolf: "WEE ROACHES! NO BADGE! EVER!" [He storms out of the bathroom and slams the door on a begging Eddy.]

Eddy: "Rolf wait hold–" [the door hits him] "–it."

Rolf: [fishing in a barrel for something] "Those Ed-boys and Nat-girl are crazy like chickens, except they lay no eggs." [He pulls out a giant vegetable.] "Aah. Candied beets to calm my nerves." [He bites into the beet.]

Eddy: [interrupting] "Look Rolf, please! Give us one more chance. Please!"

Rolf: [annoyed] "Yes. One more chance, now let me finish my beet."

[The Eds and Nat cheer.]

[Eddy is carrying a pie.]

Rolf: "This is very easy, wiseguy Eddy."

Eddy: "I got it, Rolf. I just have to be a good neighbor, and I'll get a badge. Piece of cake."

Edd: "Remember Eddy, mind your manners."

Nat: "Please Eddy."

Ed: "Yip-Kai-Yoo!"

Eddy: [Eddy knocks. After the door opens] "Good afternoon, neighbor! I baked you a pie and–" [A hand reaches out and flips the pie into Eddy's face.]

Sarah: [knocking on the pie tin] "Hello anybody home?" [Eddy pulls the pie tin off of his face.]

Edd: "Remember Eddy, manners. It's our last chance!"

Sarah: "So, whassa matter? Cant'cha talk? Are you a baby?"

Eddy: [through gritted teeth] "I baked you a pie, and–"

Sarah: "My name is Eddy, and I wear a big, stinky diaper!" [She sucks her thumb.]

Eddy: "Hello, neighbor. I just thought–"

Sarah: "Goo goo goo!"

Eddy: [beginning to sweat profusely] "Excuse me, neighbor."

Sarah: "Aw, is baby gonna cry?" [Eddy's teeth grind and his face turns red.] "Does baby want his bottle?"

Eddy: [losing it] "SHUT UP, SARAH!!!!!!!" [Eddy sticks out his tongue at her]

Nat: "Oh no."

Rolf: "EDDY! NO WEE ROACH! NO URBAN RANGER! NO BADGE!"

Eddy: "How 'bout another chance?"

[Rolf becomes furious at this suggestion.]

[The Urban Ranger flag is seen flying from a pole made of golf clubs as Jimmy sings a song. Jimmy is then seen lowering the flag. The Eds and Nat, meanwhile, are on the sidewalk.]

Jimmy: "Here it goes!"

[Jimmy begins to drum as Rolf approaches. He tears off Edd's neckerchief, and then moves on to Ed and rips it off. Nat removes her neckerchief and Rolf takes it. It becomes apparent that he is decommissioning them. He goes to Eddy, who seems to be taking it well; he takes his neckerchief off himself and offers it to Rolf. However, when Rolf tries to grab it, he yanks it away. He does this a few times before Rolf manages to grab it.]

Rolf: "You have besmirched the name of the Urban Rangers and are sentenced to the... Walk of Shame." [jovial] "Ranger Jonny, bring my lard!"

Jonny: "Here you go, Rolf!" [He gives Rolf a barrel full of the stuff.]

Rolf: "And here's your lard-bringing badge." [He throws the lard onto the sidewalk, coating it with the pig fat.]

Ed: "Cool!"

[The Eds and Nat all slip in the grease, and fall down. Their momentum propels them down the sidewalk.]

Eddy: "AAAAHHHH!"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Not good!"

[Ed laughs, and the Rangers salute as the Eds and Nat sail past screaming. As they go past, Plank became a member of the Urban Rangers.]


	25. Button Yer Ed

[Edd is decking himself out in rain gear. He puts on galoshes, a yellow poncho, and even some goggles.]

Edd: "I'm famished!"

[Edd approaches a grapefruit. He twists it, examining it. He then digs his spoon in. A spray of juice hits him in the face, drenching him.]

[There is a soft knock on Edd's door.]

Nat: "Double D it's Nat, Ed and Eddy can we come in?"

Edd: "Yes you may come in."

Nat: [entering through the screen door] "Hi Double D."

Eddy: [entering through the screen door] "I smell breakfast." [He lets the door swing shut.]

Ed: [entering through the screen door] "I smell friends." [He makes a hole.]

Edd: "Ed, the screen door?"

Ed: "Let's watch it."

Edd: "Do you realize you've opened a door for all winged insects to invade my home?!?"

Eddy: [with a dull tone in his voice] "You just had to get him started, didn't you, Ed?"

Edd: [trying to pull the screen together] "The annoying buzzing and their insatiable urge to bite is enough to make your skin crawl!" [He hears the buzz of a fly.] "Do you hear it?" 

[Nat starts to worry as she holds her book close.]

[Edd runs to a drawer and rifles through it, coming up with a flyswatter.] 

Edd: "Okay. We're safe. Everyone stay calm. I've got it under control."

Eddy: "It's on Ed!"

Ed: "Get it off, Eddy, get it!" [Eddy hits Ed.]

Eddy: [slapping Edd on the back] "Bingo! Gah. This guy's quick!" [grabbing the flyswatter] "I got it I got it!" [Ed hits him with a newspaper.] "Ow!"

Ed: [swatting at the air] "Prepare to meet your doom, buzz-bug with wings that flies!"

Eddy: [bringing the flyswatter down on Ed's head] "There it is! Hey, get back here! [knocking Edd over] "Look out. It's too fast! There it goes! I got him! I see him! I got him! I see him! I got him!"

[The fly zooms into Eddy's mouth. Eddy clutches at his throat in shock. Nat hits Eddy with her book knocking him to the ground.]

Nat: "Eddy I'm so sorry!" 

[Nat helps Eddy up.]

Nat: "Are you ok?"

Eddy:

Ed: "What? I can't hear you, Eddy." [coming to the obvious solution] "MY EARS ARE BROKEN!"

[Eddy points to his throat.]

Edd: "It seems the insect has lodged itself in Eddy's voice box,--" [Eddy nods.] "--disabling his ability to talk." [Ed pulls one of Eddy's hairs out, causing him to cry voicelessly.]

Ed: "Eddy can't talk."

Nat: "What are we going to do?"

Edd: "I know of a temporary solution." [He ties a bell around Eddy's neck.] "Just ring this bell when you need to communicate."

[Eddy rings the bell.]

Ed: "Hello!"

Edd: "Eddy's trying to say something!"

[Eddy opens his mouth.]

Ed: "Eddy wants an umbrella."

[Eddy shakes his head.]

Edd: "The latest in Chemistry Theories magazine?"

[Eddy shakes his head again.]

Nat: "Do you want to go outside?"

[Eddy shakes his head again.]

Ed: "Buttered toast?"

[Eddy just shakes the bell. A moo comes from outside. Edd, Nat and Eddy lean on each other to look.]

Ed: [leaning on both of them] "Let me see!" [They collapse.]

Rolf: [walking by with a cow] "Hello, embarrassing Ed-boys and quiet Nat-girl! [He sees Eddy's bell.] "Why is Eddy wearing a bell like a cow?" [laughs]

Ed: "Eddy forgot his voice." [Eddy rings the bell.]

Nat: "A fly got stuck in his throat. [Eddy rings the bell again.]

Edd: "So he talks to us by ringing this bell." [Eddy rings the bell again. When they ignore him, he donks it against his forehead.]

Nat: "Look Eddy's talking."

Edd: "What is it, Eddy?"

Ed: "Eddy needs to water...the Christmas tree because it's dry!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy look at him oddly. Eddy then rings the bell again.]

Edd: "Eddy would like a dictionary!" [The bell rings again.] "An atlas?"

Rolf: "Eddy is hungry!"

Edd: [confused] "Eddy's hungry?"

Rolf: "Yes. Do you not hear it? Are you so simple? Come, you are invited to Rolf's for food and merriment."

Rolf: "...but my will was strong in the ways of the reading of the bells. Enough about Rolf. Please, let us fill our faces."

[The Eds and Nat and Rolf are seated at a table. On the table are many meats, cheeses, and fishy dishes.]

Ed: "Hello!" [He pokes an octopus.] "Cool. I saw this movie!"

Rolf: [with a squid on the end of his fork] "Movie bad. Food is good!" [He drops his fork.] "Ed! You are disgracing yourself!" [Ed is wearing the octopus on his head.] "Tell me how good my fish sticks are, please."

[Edd has a plate of fish on sticks in front of him. Rolf signals for him to eat.]

Edd: "Curse my polite ways." [biting into one, his eyes watering] "A gastronomic coup, Rolf."

[Nat takes a fish stick as well and bites into it.]

Nat: [slightly twitching] "It's...an interesting taste."

Rolf: "Eat, hungry Eddy, eat!"

[Eddy stares at the sausage in front of him. It explodes into ground meat, and he pushes it away. He rings his bell.]

Edd: "What's Eddy saying, Rolf?" [Eddy points at the table and then to his own mouth, rolling his eyes]

Rolf: "Hmm. It seems that Eddy would like one of us to feed him like a baby." [Eddy sits there, astonished at how far off Rolf is.]

Ed: "Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it!" [He rushes over to feed Eddy, leaving the octopus spinning in midair. He moves a spoongul of sausage meat to Eddy's mouth] "Eat your smelly sausage, Eddy. Here comes the choo-choo!" [He jams a spoon in Eddy's mouth.] "Chew it all up or no octopus for you, mister."

[Eddy, trying to push Ed away, rings his bell again.]

Edd: "Translation, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Eddy wishes to work off the sausage with outdoor activity."

[The Eds and Nat are swimming in the creek.]

Edd: "Synchronized swimming! I never knew, Eddy."

Rolf: "A wise choice, Eddy. A favorite in my country, second only to shiny shoes!"

Ed: "This is fun!"

Nat: "I feel very refreshed."

[The Eds and Nat continue to perform routines. Eddy rings his bell.]

Ed: [dunking Eddy] "Dunk Eddy! Dunk Eddy!"

[The Eds and Nat go into three poses. On the last one, Eddy is on the bottom. He rings his bell as the Eds and Nat sink.]

[Eddy is on a unicycle in a huge makeshift slingshot. Ed is holding him back.]

Edd: "Eddy sure has gained confidence since losing his voice."

Nat: "It's astonishing."

Rolf: "The Unicycle of Doom is a very brave request for a coward."

Eddy:

[Ed lets go. Eddy shoots across the street just as Jimmy opens his front door. Eddy, with Jimmy on his face, goes through the house, through its wall, and into a fence. The fencepost he runs into spins him round and round before it sends Eddy back to the cul-de-sac, where his unicycle goes up a lamppost, bending it back. The resulting rebound flings him off into the distance past the park.]

Ed: "Now what, Rolf?"

[Eddy is in his room, recuperating. A fridge suddenly knocks his door off its hinges.]

Rolf: "Eddy says, he is too hot and sweaty and must cool off for a moment." [Edd turns the temperature-regulating knob to the coldest setting.]

[Snow starts to fall. Eddy looks out the window, where Ed, Nat and Edd are waving at him. Soon his room is blanketed in snow. He starts to shiver and attempts to push the fridge out. When he's unsuccessful, he grabs a blanket and wraps himself in it.]

Ed: [turning away from the window with Edd and Nat] "Lucky for Eddy, we got Rolf."

[Eddy trudges through the snow to the window, where he looks out on his friends. His hair freezes off.]

Edd: [with a drink in his hand] "Phew! I'm definitely hot!"

Nat: "Me too!"

Ed: [drinking a soda] "There he is!" [Eddy rings his bell.]

Rolf: [setting down his watermelon] "Now, Eddy is thanking us, or he would like his thick toenail clipped. Okay yes, he is thanking us!"

[Eddy continues to ring his bell as the snow envelopes the window.]

Edd: "It's nice to help out a good friend."

Nat: "I agree."

Ed: "Melon please."

[Eddy is sneaking around the side of a house, trying not to be noticed. He takes a step forward and his bell rings.]

Edd: "Rolf, Eddy wants something."

[Eddy heads back the way he came only to encounter Rolf.]

Rolf: "Yes, Eddy, what is it? Ring your bell, please." [Eddy runs the other way.] "Eddy!" [Eddy runs into a fence.]

[Edd, Nat, Ed and Rolf surround Eddy, looking at him expectantly until Eddy signals for them to stop.]

Ed, Edd, Nat and Rolf: "Huh?"

[Eddy pretends to use a typewriter and then outlines a piece of paper. He points to the invisible sheet.]

Edd: "What is it, Rolf?"

Rolf: [pulling a piece of paper out of his trousers] "Paper for Eddy?"

Edd: [as Eddy excitedly takes the paper] "Just as I thought."

[Eddy then mimes writing.]

Rolf: "Yes, Eddy, sure, here."

[Rolf hands Eddy an ear of corn. Eddy writes with it for a few seconds before realizing it's not what he wanted. He then throws the corn on the ground and yells at the other two Eds and Nat.]

Edd: "Hm."

[Eddy goes over to the fence and kicks it. He screams in pain. Holding his foot, he hops forwards. A misplaced hop lands on the ear of corn, and he falls flat on his face.]

Rolf: "Eddy would like to face his greatest fear!"

[Eddy jerks up from the ground in shock.]

[Eddy is in the middle of a wooden ring with a red towel.]

Ed: "We getcha, Eddy."

Rolf: "Eddy is prepared to face the beast." [A door on the side of the pen bucks with the force of an animal trying to escape.] "Hey! Whoa! Yah." [He opens the gate.] "Behold."

[The beast is a rooster. Eddy looks at it and laughs.]

Rolf: "Do not cry, Eddy! Be a big man and face your fear!"

[Eddy proceeds to taunt the rooster.]

Ed: "Óle!"

Rolf: "Eddy, careful! Do not taunt the doodle!"

[Eddy continues to mock it. The rooster crows and begins to chase him. Eddy tries to climb the fence.]

Ed: "Go, Eddy!" [He grabs Eddy.] "You almost fell out, Eddy." [Ed throws Eddy back into the ring.] "There you go."

[The rooster crows again.]

Edd: "Use the cape, Eddy, the cape!"

Nat: "You can do this Eddy!"

[Eddy holds the cape out like a matador. The rooster readies itself like a bull about to charge. It then rushes Eddy. At the last second, Eddy pulls the cape away to reveal...Plank?]

Jonny: [picking up Plank, who has the rooster's beak buried in him] "Good work, Plank! We've rescued another one!" [He takes off.]

Rolf: [chasing Jonny] "Not again, Jonny! Stop where you stand!"

Jonny: "Run, Plank!"

Rolf: "Do not fool Rolf!"

[Eddy watches them and then tears the bell off its rope.]

Ed: "Rolf's not here, but I got a good idea what you're–" [Eddy throws the bell at his head.] "Ow."

Nat: [as Eddy runs away] "Eddy wait!"

Edd: [pulling at Ed] "C'mon, Ed, we need to help Eddy!" [Edd pulls Ed's jacket and shirt off.] "Please get dressed and follow me."

[Edd, Nat and Ed round a corner.]

Edd: [not seeing Eddy anywhere] "Hmm. He must have gone back to his home."

[Ed, Nat and Edd go back the way they came. Eddy pops out of a tree and makes faces at the place they used to be. He then tries to leap out of the tree, but his shirt gets caught on a branch.]

Eddy: "WHAT'S WITH THIS SHIRT!?!" [realizing he can talk] "Hey! I can talk!" [beginning to panic] "Ed! I can talk! Double D, Nat, come back here! Get me down!"

[Ed, Nat and Edd are sitting on a doorstep.]

Edd: "The brain is an amazing organ, Nat and Ed. Why, it's actually fooling me into thinking that Eddy's calling out to us."

Nat: "I know that feeling."

Ed: "Were Rolf's fish sticks good, Double D and Nat?"

Eddy: [still trapped] "Rolf! Hey guys! C'mon, will ya?" [He continues to struggle.] "Tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle tinkle!"


	26. Avast Ye Eds

[Eddy stands in the middle of the lane, holding a sign that says "25¢ A Ride."]

Eddy: "Thrill of a lifetime! 25 cents a ride!" [Sarah, then Nazz, ride past] "Only 25 cents! Real cheap for a thrill!" [Rolf rides past on a unicycle] "What's the big deal? It's a lousy quarter." [He throws his sign to the ground angrily, and then storms over to Ed, Nat and Edd.] "What are you guys and girl doing? Waiting for a bus? We need to show these folks how much fun this ride is! So they'll cough up some cash!"

Edd: [as the tire swing is pulled back] "Oh dear."

Nat: "Ed please be careful."

Ed: "Donuts are made for dunking!"

Edd: [panicking as Ed pushes the swing] "Nat! Eddy!"

Ed: "Dunk a donut!" [he pushes the swing higher]

Edd: "I think, I'm gonna be ill!"

Eddy: "I'd pay a quarter for that! Higher, Ed!"

Nat: "Oh no."

[Ed proceeds to give the swing its hardest push yet. The rope to which it's attached to breaks, sending the tire down the lane. It heads directly for Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Heavens to Betsy! SARAH! Help!" [He gets run over by the tire.]

Edd: "Nat! Eddy! Help!" [The tire is heading directly for Sarah, Nazz, Kevin, and Jonny. The kids all scream. Luckily, the tire hits a rock and caroms off into the air.] "NAT! EDDY!" [The tire lands in the water with a big splash.]

Rolf: "Ha ha! Double D flew faster than my father's shoe on bath night."

Jimmy: "Egads!"

Nat: "Double D! Are you ok?"

Edd: "Yes I'm alright."

Kevin: [as Ed and Eddy make the scene] "Are you dorks up to something?"

Eddy: [reaching for an excuse] "What? We were just–uh–uh–" [getting an idea] "–launching our new luxury cruise line! For a small fee, we'll offer two lucky passengers a relaxing cruise. Look how relaxed Double D is." [Edd is panting from the ordeal.] "Who's in for the thrill of a lifetime?"

Jonny: "I've never been on a boat cruise before."

Jimmy: "It's so romantic!"

Eddy: [sensing victims] "Only 25 cents."

[The kids all wave their hands and shout assent.]

Eddy: [to Ed and Nat in an undertone] "Am I good or what?"

Nat: "I'd rather not answer."

Ed: "You're number 2, Eddy."

[The tire is turned on its side and now has a floor, a mast, and a sail. It is also floating in the water. Ed stands by it, collecting money and throwing makeshift confetti.]

Jimmy: "Hurry Jonny!"

Ed: "Captain Eddy says to take their dough."

Jonny: "Nice hat, Ed!"

Ed: [throwing more confetti as Rolf approaches] "Captain Eddy says only two suckers at a time."

Jimmy: "Hot diggity dog, look Jonny! A bridge!" [pausing] "Is it safe, Captain Eddy?"

Eddy: "Is it safe? What are ya? Come on, squirts, the cruise awaits!"

Jimmy: [getting on the bridge with Jonny] "It seems to be holding out."

Jonny: "Looks safe to me." [The bridge suddenly collapses, soaking them both. They scream in tandem.]

Eddy: "Looks like you got a soaker, boys!" 

[Edd and Nat pull them out.]

Eddy: "Welcome aboard Eddy's Creek Cruise." [to Jimmy] "You look like a drowned rat! Here's a complimentary towel. Don't lose it, it's the only one I got."

Jonny: "Captain Eddy, the boat seems quite sound. How did you manage the inflation of the bow?"

Eddy: "Hmm." [seeing a distraction] "Oh look! Here comes our enginerical second-class yeoman!"

Ed: "Yo, Eddy."

[Edd raises the sail while Ed pulls out the anchor–his mom's stove.]

Ed: "Uh, Eddy? Are you sure my mom can still use this?"

Edd: [blowing on a bottle to create a loud, conch shell effect] "We're set for launch, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Everybody comfy? LET'S SET SAIL!" [Jonny and Jimmy giggle and clap] "FULL SPEED THATAWAY!"

[Ed lowers his lower half into the water and begins to kick his feet.]

Ed: "Kick my feet, kick my feet, kick my feet."

[Edd and Jimmy are sitting barefoot in the boat.]

Jimmy: "Hey sailor, I'm parched. What have you got in the treasure chest."

Edd: "Well Jimmy, the refreshments I've prepared are carefully blended fruit juices, guaranteed to quench a thirst and prevent scurvy." [He pours Jimmy a cup.]

Jimmy: [examining it] "This juice is full of pulp!"

Edd: [taking the cup and offering it to Jonny] "Jonny?"

Jonny: "Thanks, Double D!" [turning to Plank] "Fruit pulp, Plank, fruit pulp! Relax."

[Jonny drinks the juice and gives the cup back to Edd. He pours another cup.]

Edd: "Can I offer you some juice Nat?"

Nat: "Yes, thank you Double D."

[Edd gives the cup to Nat, She takes a sip.]

Nat: "This juice is wonderful!"

Edd: [slightly blushing] "I-I'm glad you enjoy it."

Eddy: "Land ho!"

Jonny: "Where Eddy, where?"

Eddy: [gesturing to each side of the creek] "Land over there, and land over there!" [Edd, Nat, Ed and Jimmy giggle.] "It's a joke, Jonny. Lighten up."

[At the trailer park, where Lee, May and Marie Kanker are doing the laundry.]

May: "We oughta get a man to do these chores!" [she fishes a hot dog out of the laundry basket] "Nice and clean."

Eddy: [in the distance] "Plug up the board! Fire up the hatches! Rewind that tape!"

Lee: "Hey!" [pointing to the creek] "Look!"

Eddy: "Torque up the tommy-hose!"

May: "It's the Eds!"

Marie: "Ain't they dreamy?"

Lee: "I just wanna hug the little loudmouthed one."

Eddy: "Tote that yard sprinkler! Batten down the poop deck!" [the boat sails off]

[Ed is seen staring through the wrong end of a telescope. A speaker attached to the mast begins to crackle.]

Eddy: "Is this thing on?"

Edd: "Eddy, just speak into the mike."

Eddy: "What, this?"

Edd: "Yes!"

Eddy: "Okay, okay." [clearly heard now] "Welcome passengers, I'm Captain Eddy, of Eddy's Creek Cruise, where you get more bang, for your buck. I'd like you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the soothing sounds of 88-Fingers Eddward!"

Edd: [sighs] "This instrument is so annoying."

[Edd then proceeds to play perhaps the best example of pedal steel guitar you will ever hear in a cartoon. Everybody's jaws drop in amazement at his legendary picking.]

[Jonny is seen dipping his hand in the water and splashing it back and forth.]

Jonny: "There's something about the high seas and pedal steel guitar that makes me yearn for adventure, Plank."

Nat: "I couldn't agree more."

Jimmy: "Eddy, we've run out of refreshments. And this rubber tube's giving me a rash."

Eddy: "Hey kid, I'm on my break, d'you mind?"

Jonny: "Captain Eddy! Look!"

Eddy: "What is it, Ed?"

Ed: [looking through the wrong end of the telescope] "I can't see it, Eddy, it is too far away."

Eddy: "You're looking through the wrong end! Gimme that thing." [Ed throws it down, and Eddy is hit on the head with it. He picks it up and looks through it at the approaching vessel.] "Hmm. Hmm. What the–" [recognizing the crew] "Uh oh."

The Kankers: [waving on cue] "Hiya boys!"

Eddy: "PIRATES!"

Jimmy, Nat and Edd: [terrified, echoing him] "Pirates!"

Jonny: [intrigued] "Pirates?"

Jimmy: [clutching at Jonny] "Pirates like to roughhouse. I'm scared!"

Jonny: [his interest piqued] "Do they?"

Eddy: "Ed! Fire up the engine!"

Ed: "Roger walnut, Eddy! Jumping." [He jumps down, rocking the boat, and puts his lower half in the water again.] "Kick my feet, kick my feet, kick my feet."

Eddy: "Faster, Ed!"

Ed: "Kick my feet faster, kick my feet faster, Kick my feet faster."

Lee: "I wanna be their barnacle of love!" [the Kankers giggle]

May: "Barnacle!"

Jonny: "We're being chased by pirates, Plank! Oh boy!"

Jimmy: "Someone get me off this merry-go-round called life!"

Lee: "Let's go ring their doorbell, girls."

[The Kankers proceed to raise a giant sail, propelling them toward the Eds and Nat at a much higher rate.]

Eddy: [confident in getting away] "We'll hit shore in no time and run like cowards."

Edd: [noticing the new pace the Kankers have set] "Um, Eddy?"

Eddy: [oblivious] "Thank me later, Double D." 

Nat: "The Kankers are catching up!"

[Eddy turns around, and gasps at how close the Kankers are.]

Lee: "Stop teasing us, boys!"

Eddy: "Ed, do something!"

Ed: "Ahoy!"

[Ed pulls on his right ear in much the same way one would pull on the starter to a gas-powered mower. His lips start to rumble, but stop. He tries it again, with the same result. Ed then attempts it a third time, and this time is successful. He plunges his head into the water, and the little ship takes off like a rocket. Everyone on board utters cries of either joy or fear.]

Jimmy: "Oh, the misery!"

Jonny: "Wa-hoo-hoo! Hang on, Plank!"

Jimmy: [is violently ill over the side]

Eddy: "Whoa!"

Nat: "Aah!"

Edd: "Stop!"

Jonny: "Whee! Come and get us, pirates!"

May: [as Lee seethes] "Our treasure's getting away!"

Marie: [going over to a weedwhacker attached to the back of the boat] "Not for long!" [She starts the weedwhacker and lowers it into the water. The Kankers catch up to the Eds and Nat in seconds, destroying their momentum and stopping them.]

Edd: [soaked] "Eddy, I'm so wet!"

Nat: "So cold!"

Lee: "No hard feelings, buttercups!"

May: "Let's kiss and make up." [The Kankers make kissy faces.]

Jimmy: [points upward] "Oh look!"

[Everybody looks up. Jonny is revealed to be standing on top of the Kankers giant sail. He plunges Plank into it, and then slides down, ripping it straight through the middle.]

Marie: [stating the obvious] "That kid's ripping our sail!"

[Jonny jumps off the Kankers boat and swims onto Eddy's Creek Cruise.]

Jimmy: "Just like Errol Flynn!" [everyone cheers]

Lee: "Those were my best bedsheets. Time for the heavy artillery!" [pulls out a hairpin] "Sink 'em, May!"

May: [putting the pin in a rubber band and aiming] "Lee, my patch." [Lee lifts the eyepatch. May takes aim and fires it directly into the tire.]

Jimmy: [watching] "Look!" [the pin hits the tire] "Jonny! Save us!"

Eddy: [belligerent] "I'm the captain here, I'll handle it!" [walks over to the pin] "Oh look, a bobby pin. So scary." [starts to pull it out]

Edd: "Eddy! Please don't–"

Eddy: "What? It's just stuck!" 

Nat: "No Eddy!"

[Eddy pulls it out.] 

Eddy: [Holding up the pin] "See?"

[All the air rushes out of the tire, and the boat spins around the creek out of control. In the end, Ed is standing on his tippy-toes, balanced on the small piece of rubber, holding all of his friends in his grasp.]

Ed: "New ride."

[The rubber can't support their weight, and they all fall into the creek.]

[A shot of the torn Kanker sail is shown, and Jimmy and Jonny, who are standing on the boat, carefully balanced.]

Lee: "Walk the plank, you sniveling squirts!" [She prods them with a stick.]

May: "Oh yeah! Okay! Do it!"

Jimmy: "Let's get it over with, Jonny."

Lee: "Keep walking."

The Kankers: [chanting] "Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk!"

Jonny: [the plank is Plank] "Uuh! Oh my. I'm walking all over Plank's face!"

The Kankers: [chanting] "Walk! Walk! Walk!" [Jonny and Jimmy start to wobble] "Walk! Walk! Walk!"

Jonny: "Forgive me, Plank!"

Jimmy: "Aah!" [throws Jonny off] "My hair!" [He falls overboard. The Kankers cheer.]

Lee: "Time to claim our booty, girls." [They turn to the Eds, who are huddled together in a corner of the boat.]

Edd: "Not good! Not good!" [The Kankers make kissy noises while the Eds scream.]

[Before The Kankers reach The Eds the boat starts to shake.]

Lee: "Hey what's going on?"

[The boat tips over and both The Kankers and The Eds fall into the creek. Nat comes out of the creek and pulls The Eds out.]

Nat: "C'mon quickly!"

[Nat runs away with The Eds as The Kankers are soaking wet and angry.]

[The Eds and Nat make it back, with their clothes soaked through. Rolf is in tourist apparel, jiggling some coins.]

Rolf: "Hallo, Ed-boys and Nat-girl! When is the next sailing? My flesh begs me for sun and sweat." [Edd hands him the ruins of the tire.] "What?" [He stares dumbly.] "Huh?"

Nat: "We're not sailing anymore today Rolf."

Edd: "I was kind of hoping that would have been more enjoyable."

Eddy: "Alas, the sea is a cruel mistress."

Ed: "I'm stumped."

Nat: "At least you guys are ok."

[Water pours out of Ed's ears onto each of his friends. Jimmy is in the background, floating by.]

Jimmy: "Hair emergency! Hair emergency!"

End of Season 1

Hi it's me the author if you have read this fanfic up to this point I want to say thank you it means a lot to me. If you have any feedback or questions for me about my oc or this fanfic please let me know.

That's all for now!


	27. Know it All Ed

[The Eds and Nat run through the junkyard.]

Eddy: [cresting a hill] "Boy, Double D, you stink." [Edd is trying to blow through a pipe.] "Let a pro show ya."

Edd: "Certainly, Eddy."

Eddy: "It's all technique, Sockhead. Pure talent!" [He tries and fails to do it right.] "Wrong technique. Slight adjustment, and–"

[Eddy blows into it and manages to make a decent sounding noise come out. Suddenly, his cheeks inflate, as Ed blows in the other end.]

Ed: "I am a whale, Eddy! An endangered mammal. Hug me."

Eddy: "Okay, blubberhead. But you can't be a whale, unless you have a spout!" [He shoves the tube over Ed's head. While Ed is stumbling around, he climbs another hill.] "I'm the king of the castle, and you're a dirty–"

Ed and Edd: "Dogpile!" [They leap on Eddy. Edd then climbs to the top, where he is pulled off by Ed.]

Eddy: "Attack the lump!" [He leaps on Ed and covers Ed's eyes.]

Ed: "Oh no, something ate my head!"

[Ed stumbles into Edd, and the trio roll down a hill and over another. The second hill acts as a ramp, and the Eds fly up and come down on one end of a door. The door acts as a lever, launching a box up and over the Eds. Nat approaches them.]

Nat: "Are you guys ok?"

Edd: "Yes we are alright."

Ed: "Oh, look!" [He picks up one of the box's contents.] 

Nat: "What are they?"

Ed: "A whole box of alien exploratory probes, dropped off in an attempt to save fuel during a mutiny of pulsating brain mutants."

Eddy: [after pausing to digest the story] "I think that eyebrow's too heavy for his head."

Edd: "Actually, they look like turkey basters."

Eddy: [laughing] "Yeah right, Double D. Turkey basters."

Ed: [using the basters as fangs] "I must have blood, let me bite your–" [Eddy shoves him away knocking out one of the baster fangs.]

Eddy: "Where was I?" [He grabs the baster spinning in midair.] "What we have here is a squirt gun."

Nat: "A squirt gun?"

Edd: [disbelieving] "Please, a squirt gun?"

Eddy: "What? Yeah." [embellishing his story] "A Canadian squirt gun."

Ed: [with four guns stuck to his face] "Canadians are weird."

Eddy: "Watch and learn, boys and girl. Just fill–" [He sticks the gun in a puddle.]

Edd: "Even if they were Canadian–heaven forbid–I don't think they're–"

Eddy: "And squirt!" [A gush of water hits Edd in the mouth.] "Canadian style."

Nat: "Cool!"

Ed: "My turn, my turn!"

Edd: "One person's trash is another person's treasure, I suppose."

Ed: [now with a fifth gun stuck to his eye] "I'm a moose, Double D!"

Eddy: [patting the box] "Let's share our treasure for cash! Every kid on the block will want one!"

Edd: "Eddy, your voice can be quite irritating at times."

Ed: "COOKIES AND MILK!"

[A bowling ball rolls down part of the lane and knocks down some items by the fence; it's a strike.]

Kevin: "All right, Rolf!"

Rolf: "My papa would ridicule Rolf for the rolling of the sphere."

Jonny: "Plank wants to go next."

Sarah: [snatching the ball] "Get in line, Jonny, Jimmy's been waiting all day! Show them what you're made of, Jimmy." [Sarah hands Jimmy the ball and Jimmy slumps. Evidently the ball is too heavy for him.]

Kevin: "Let me try."

Jimmy: [the ball caught in his retainer] "I think I pulled something, Sarah."

[Kevin picks up the ball, not noticing that Jimmy's still attached. He sends the ball at the pins.]

Kevin: "Oops."

Jimmy: "Remember the Alamo!" [Jimmy hits the pins, knocking them down.]

Kevin: "Awesome." [A horse neighs.]

Nazz: "Is that Eddy?" [Eddy, wearing a white cowboy hat, readies his squirt guns and places them in two sock holsters.]

Kevin: "What are those?"

Eddy: "Ready for some action, city slicker?" [Ed pops up from behind the fence and moves to the right.] "You won't want to miss a drop." [Eddy slams the guns against the ground, and Ed gets splattered.]

Ed: "Quack." [Ed gets hit a second time.] "Quack." [And a third.] "Quack."

Rolf: [impressed] "You see that?"

Sarah: "It's so powerful!"

Nazz: "Looks like fun!"

Jonny: "Is it hard?"

Eddy: [looking in a mirror] "It's easy as one, two, three."

[Eddy fires his gun. The shot rebounds off a birdhouse into a bucket, which shoots it back through the ears of Sarah, Rolf, and Jimmy to hit Ed in the face again.]

Ed: "Quack."

Eddy: "Don't try this at home, kids." [He blows at the tip of his squirt gun.]

Rolf: "Yes, I must try your water shooter, Cowpoke Eddy."

Sarah: "Yeah, let me try!"

Eddy: "All the way from Canada, loaded and in stock, at Double D's House of Import-Exports!" [He gestures to a stand located a few yards down the road.]

Edd: "All at the insignificant price of fifty cents."

Nat: "We'll also include a free sock holster."

[Edd and Nat are instantly surrounded by the kids, who take all the guns and socks, leaving behind their money. The stand collapses, and the moose head which was a symbol of it lands on Edd's head.]

Edd: "Help."

Eddy: "Whoa nelly!" [He falls into a sitting position and looks at the full jar.] "They fell for it. Whoa! Today must be my lucky day. C'mon boys and girl, let's keep this gravy train rolling."

Edd: [wobbly under the moose head] "Coming, Eddy." [He ends up falling over.]

[Nat removes the moose head from Edd's head.]

Edd: "Thank you Nat."

Nat: "Your welcome."

Ed: "I was a moose once."

[Jimmy is on a stick horse, running away from someone and shooting playfully.]

Jimmy: "You can't catch me!"

Sarah: "You're a slippery rattlesnake, Jimmy."

Jimmy: [peeking out from behind a tree] "I am? Let's ride, Paisley!" [He takes two steps and gets mown down by Kevin.]

Kevin: "You're real slippery now! Twerp." [He rides away. Jonny and Plank, in a covered wagon, come by.]

Jonny: "Whoa." [He is being the horse.] "I'm pooped, Plank!"

Plank:

Jonny: "What? Gold? Let's stake our claim, hombre!" [Jonny gets his second wind and takes off. A loud crack is heard, implying Plank whipped him] "OUCH!"

Kevin: [tying his bike to a picket fence] "I'm going for a soda."

Eddy: "Hold it right there, partner. Hitchin your horse in a no hitchin zone there, Pecos Kev? [Eddy's hat shoves Ed away.] Write him up, Double Deputy D."

Kevin: "You're a dork."

Eddy: "That's Marshall Dork, Palmer."

Edd: [handing Kevin a ticket] "Here you are, Kevin. Thank you."

Kevin: [flipping Eddy a coin] "Hey, Marshall Drip."

Eddy: [cackling] "This is way too easy!" [Eddy becomes suspicious and bites into the coin.] "SPLINTERS! [growls] You're wooden money's not good here, Pecos Kev!"

[As if in reply, a rock lands on Eddy's hat.]

Eddy: "Ow!"

[He looks up to see the culprit is Rolf, who is using a plate to pan for gold. Rolf finds a rock and flicks it away.]

Edd: "Ow!"

Eddy: "That's a twenty-five cent prospecting fine!"

Rolf: "But I am washing dishes, no-brain Ed-boy."

Eddy: "Twenty-five cents, or twenty-five days in the pokey!"

Edd: [to Eddy] "Ahem. Wrong cartoon, Eddy."

[Sarah is bandaging up a crying Jimmy's arm.]

Jimmy: "Cattle wrestling's hard, Sarah!"

Sarah: "No more branding for you, mister."

Eddy: "And you!"

Jimmy: "Jeepers! It's Marshall Eddy!"

Eddy: [twanging Jimmy's retainer] "A twenty-five cent railroad tax."

Sarah: "EDDY, LEAVE JIMMY ALONE!"

Eddy: "Double Deputy D?"

[Edd hands Sarah a ticket.]

Sarah: "Disturbing the peace? We're not paying."

Rolf: "You have gone crazy, fast-buck Ed-boys."

Jimmy: "Yeah, I plumb reckon."

Eddy: "I hadn't counted on that one."

Jonny: "Runaway wagon. Runaway wagon!"

[Jonny and Plank's wagon comes racing down the hill. Neither of the two are anywhere to be seen. The wagon runs past the kids and into a tree. A bound Jonny and Plank fall out.]

Sarah: "What happened, Jonny?"

Jonny: "We were...ambushed. They circled our wagon. Oh, look what those outlaws...did to him!"

[Jonny holds up Plank, who has makeup on his face and clouds of perfume coming off his body.]

The Kids: "EWWW!"

Eddy: "What stinks?"

Ed: "Plank reminds me of fresh-cut spring flowers strewn across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon."

Jonny: "They were headed this way!"

Eddy: [chuckling] "Who needs the marshall now? It's a shame you didn't pay your fines."

Jimmy: "I got twenty-five cents."

Rolf: "Ya! Ya!"

Sarah: "I'll pay to see this."

[The kids quickly give in and pay the money they owe. Suddenly, a hand grabs the jar away.]

Eddy: "What the–"

Lee: "Thanks, Marshall Eddy."

Eddy: "Kankers. Give back my–" [He goes to pull out his guns only to find they've been replaced with a fish's skeleton and a brush.] "Huh?"

Edd: [searching his holsters] "My squirt gun is missing!"

Lee: "Oh boys!" [They turn to look.] "Looking for these?" [She and her sisters pull out the missing guns.]

Jimmy: "Your days are numbered, Kanker sisters! Marshall Eddy is here for your hide!" [The kids look at Jimmy like he's an idiot.] "Well he is."

Lee: "And who's gonna help him?" [The kids stand stupefied.]

Eddy: "Um, we were just going to get our harmonicas. Right guys and girl?" [The Eds and Nat flee.]

Marie: [flexing a lasso] "I love when they do this."

The Eds and Nat: "Run away!" [The lasso settles around them and Marie pulls them in. Ed is clutching a tree.]

May: "Look! They brought us flowers!"

Marie: "What is it this time, girls? Eau de Woodrot or Krankshaft Number 5?"

Lee and May: "Krankshaft!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Perfume!"

Eddy: "Just like Plank!"

Ed: "I don't want to smell pretty, Eddy!"

The Kankers: "Squirt guns ready? Pick a boyfriend!" [The perfume hits the Eds and Nat.]

The Eds and Nat: "Ow!"

Eddy: "I'm feeling pretty ripe right now."

Lee: [walking away with May and Marie.] "Thanks for the loot, boys."

Edd: "Oh, it'll take weeks to disinfect these clothes!"

Ed: "I smell like fresh-cut spring flowers strewn across a babbling brook with a hint of lemon."

Nat: "I'm not sure if I like the smell."

Edd: [blushing] "Actually Nat I think you smell rather nice."

Nat: "Oh really?"

Eddy: [grousing] "Nobody takes my money and gets away with it. I will have my revenge!" [For a few seconds, nothing happens.] "Anytime, Ed."

Ed: "Oh." [He gets up.] "Choo choo!" [Ed carries Edd, Nat and Eddy away on his back.]

Jimmy: [standing in a bush] "Look Sarah, a parade!"

[Sarah grabs Jimmy and stuffs him back into the bush with her. The Eds walk by.]

Eddy: "This cowboy stuff is murder on your legs!"

[The Eds come to three holes in the ground, each just the right size for a coffin.]

Ed: "Oh, too cool!" [He looks over and sees the rest.] Ah!

Edd: [nervous] "Someone doesn't have much confidence in us."

Eddy: "Ah, they're just trying to scare us. Let's go."

[Ed and Eddy head off, but Edd stands shivering, looking at the holes, until Ed comes back and carries him away. Rolf, carrying a shovel, then leads his pigs to the holes.]

Rolf: "Rolf has broken his back and made you new mud pits. Thank you very much."

[The Eds come to the site of the showdown: Peach Creek Estates. The construction zone looks devoid of any human beings, save the Eds, who are hiding behind a stack of lumber.]

Eddy: "No sign of the Kankers. Let's move out."

Edd: "This is desperate, Eddy. What if–we're captured and forced to clean their gutters?"

Ed: "I don't know what a gutter is, Eddy!"

Eddy: "You'll be living in one if you don't come on!" [He leaps out.] "Okay, Kank–" [Realizing he's alone, he angrily beckons to his scared deputies, who come to stand beside him.] "Okay, Kankers! I'm calling you out!"

Lee: "What took you so long?"

Eddy: "You know what we're here for!"

Lee: "I love a man in uniform."

Eddy: "Stand your ground, deputies." [He's alone once again.] "Deputies?"

[Eddy turns around to see Ed and Edd clinging to each other fearfully.]

Lee: "Ready, girls?"

[The Kankers start to approach across the long expanse of cement that separates the Kankers from the Eds. The Eds' fingers twitch above their squirt guns. Ed and Edd are scared; by contrast, the Kankers are all confident in their abilities. Eddy is the only one who truly seems ready to fight.]

Eddy: "Draw!"

[The battle begins. Eddy fires two guns at once. Ed uses his teeth and hands to control three. Edd uses one.]

Edd: "Tell me if I hit them. No, don't."

[The water flies past the Kankers, who are all standing still. Eddy continues with his two guns. Ed, meanwhile, has moved on to running on five guns laid out in a row on the ground. Edd uses a makeshift Gatling Gun. At first, he is tentative, but he quickly becomes excited by the weapon.]

Edd: "Oh, I feel it. I FEEL THE ADRENALINE, BABY!"

Eddy: [embarrassed] "Double D! Double D!" [Edd stops firing.] "Relax, will ya? It's a toy. From Canada. Geez, how embarrassing."

[Eddy goes back to firing, but his guns have run dry. The same thing has happened to all his friends. The Kankers stand in the middle of the cement expanse on a hill of dirt, untouched by any water.]

Lee: "Are you through?"

Edd: [amazed] "We missed every shot."

Lee: "We won't."

The Kankers: [shooting at the Eds' feet] "Dance, cowboys!"

Eddy: [cocky as soon as the barrage stops] "Forget your glasses at home? You only got our feet wet!"

Marie: "It's our Kanker rubber cement. Check again, Deadeye."

[The Eds lift their feet and find that while they can move some, they are pretty much trapped.]

Eddy: "Ah!"

Edd: "It feels as though I'm in Ed's basement."

Eddy: "We're trapped!"

Lee: [applying lipstick to her lips] "Time for some home cookin!" [The Kankers close in on the Eds.]

Ed: [as his friends scream] "Not home! Not home!"

Nat: "Hold it right there Kankers!"

[The Kankers turn around and see Nat.]

Nat: "If you want the Eds."

[Nat goes in front of The Eds.]

Nat: "You gotta get through me."

Lee: "With pleasure."

[The Kankers start to approach Nat, She then takes out her squirt guns and sprays them.]

Lee: "Hey this isn't water!"

[Nat continues to spray the Kankers as they run away.]

Nat: "Are you guys ok?"

Edd: "Much better now."

[After a struggle Nat manages to pull The Eds out.]

Edd: "I must say Nat that was rather impressive the way you handled that."

Nat: "I don't know do you think I went too far?"

Eddy: "Nah you did fine."

Edd: "Just out of curiosity what did you spray The Kankers with?"

Nat: "Gravy."

[The Eds stare in shock.]


	28. Dear Ed

[Something akin to a flying saucer swoops over the grass. Edd is using a metal detector.]

Eddy: [getting a ride from Ed] "Whoa, where's the fire, flathead?"

Ed: "Fire? AAAAH!" [He takes off.]

Eddy: "No, Ed!"

Ed: "I am melting, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Ed! Aah!"

Edd: [getting a signal from his metal detector] "Oh, my, the detector has detected something!"

Nat: "I wonder what it is."

Ed: "I can't see, too much smoke!"

Edd: "STOP!"

[Ed stops just short of the detector. Eddy's face rams into the back of Ed's head.]

Eddy: [dazed] "Granddad, you ran another stop sign."

Edd: [kneeling on the grass] "I've marked the exact position of where to excavate."

Ed: "Double D's legs are gone."

Eddy: "No, Ed, he wants you to dig. Ready, Elephant Boy?"

Edd: "Oh my."

Ed: "Arf!" [He digs like a dog, tossing up dirt haphazardly.]

Eddy: "You're an animal, Ed. I bet it's a new car! Or a buried bank heist!"

Edd: [disgusted] "My Ed, your talents are...endless, aren't they?"

Nat: "That's one way to put it."

Ed: "I see something shiny, guys and girl!"

Eddy: "Jackpot! Let 'er rip!"

[Ed reels in a long silver wire.]

Eddy: "Finders keepers!" [Some of the lampposts lining the cul-de-sac are sucked into the ground.] "Go Ed go!" [The rest of the lampposts disappear.]

Nat: "Wow."

Edd: "I think I'm gonna be sick."

[Jimmy walks by, carrying Plank.]

Eddy: "Is that Jimmy? And Plank?"

[Jimmy walks up to a house, Plank dangling from his hand. Eddy suddenly appears in front of Jimmy.]

Eddy: "Hiya, Jimmy boy!"

Jimmy: [fearful] "Eddy!"

Eddy: "Whatcha doin with Plank, huh? Did you steal it from Jonny? Did you? Huh?"

Jimmy: [on the ground, scared] "Jonny and Plank had a horrible tiff! Jonny walked off in a huff! Abandoned, Plank was helpless! I offered the hunk of wood a home!"

Edd: "Oh dear! Jonny alone? Think of the pain! Separated from his best friend. Isolated. Fortunately, I am surrounded by friends who respect the feel–"

[Eddy, irritated, jams Ed's head into Edd's mouth.]

Eddy: "Can it, Sockhead, we're wasting time." [gleeful] "Jonny is defenseless."

Ed: [head still stuck in Edd's mouth] "Are you going to finish that cupcake, Double D?"

[Nat pulls Edd out of Ed's mouth.]

[Jonny, morose, is sitting in the playground's sandbox. He has scratched out Plank's form in the sand and is completing the facial features. Suddenly, Ed tromps up and sits down opposite Jonny.]

Jonny: "Boy, Ed, am I happy to see you! Wanna make a sand castle?"

Ed: "Sit down and say hello, Jonny."

Jonny: "Hello?"

Ed: "Ask him how he is!"

Jonny: "Huh?"

Ed: "Um. Wait."

Edd: [outlining words on a cue card] "How are you how are you!"

Ed: "I'm fine. Well okay, a little hungry."

[Jonny looks behind him, but Edd, Nat and Eddy duck in time not to be caught by him.]

Ed: [reading a card when Jonny turns back to him] "Feeling alone?"

Jonny: "Alone?"

Ed: "No one to–" [Jonny moves his head into Ed's line of sight, and Ed has to shift to read the card] "–ha-have one-si-sided conver–" [Jonny shifts again] "–ver-versations with?"

Jonny: [as his tears start to flow] "You read me like a map, Ed. Am I that obvious?"

Ed: "Um, excuse me, Jonny." [He pushes Jonny out of the way to better read the cards.] "Meet a new friend. At Ed's Friend Store. And take Jonny there. Oh yeah."

[Ed grabs Jonny to take him away.]

Jonny: "Friend store?"

[Nat finishes painting a face on a trashcan lid.]

Eddy: "Hmm. What's Jonny see in this stuff, anyway?"

Edd: "Well Eddy, Jonny's need to communicate with an inanimate object is quite normal, sometimes stemming from a lack of self-confidence or social phobias."

Eddy: "What is he?"

Ed: "Jonny's here!" [He plunks Jonny down next to the table.] "Do I get that cookie now?"

Eddy: "Jonny boy! You look like you need a new friend. At Ed's Friend Store, your new friend is carefully chosen by our master matchmaker, buddy Double D! One lousy quarter, and we'll set you up with your ideal pal."

Jonny: "I think I'll pay...after I'm happy with my ideal pal."

Eddy: "What's with that?"

Edd: "Jonny, after an extensive screening process, I've found your perfect match." [pulling out a traffic cone] "Bob, Jonny. Jonny, Bob."

[Jonny gasps and retches. Bob only has one eye.]

Nat: "Whoops! Forgot the other eye." [She paints the right eye on.]

Jonny: [uncovering his eyes] "Hello Bob."

Bob:

Jonny: "I like the shape of your head too."

Eddy: "Well whaddya know! You're happy, I'm happy. Cough up the dough."

Edd: "Eddy! Jonny shouldn't rush into a new relationship. They need to get better acquainted. This way please."

Eddy: [annoyed] "C'mon, I'm trying to run a business here! Work with me!"

Ed: [picking up Eddy and tucking him under his arm] "Eddy is my ideal pal. Soft and cuddly like mashed potatoes. Yum."

[Jimmy is having a tea party with Plank. There is a great silence in the room, broken only by the ticking of the clock. Jimmy shifts his chair forward awkwardly.]

Jimmy: "Pardon, did you say something?"

[No reply comes, and Jimmy tugs at his shirt nervously. The party is NOT going well.]

[Bob and Jonny are about to play ping-pong. Jonny bounces the ball off his paddle a few times.]

Jonny: [putting down his paddle] "Planet?"

Bob:

Jonny: "My head's not that big."

Bob:

Jonny: "My mama what? Oh, hi guys!" [Jonny is plainly relieved to not have to talk to Bob anymore.]

[Ed carries a bench on which his three friends sit to the table so they can watch.]

Edd: "You'll find ping-pong to be a great icebreaker, Jonny."

Ed: "Not to mention a duck."

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Huh?"

Ed: "What?"

Edd: "Um..."

Ed: "Who?"

Eddy: "Huh?"

Ed: "Um."

Nat: "Ed."

Ed: "Why?"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy look at him oddly and then turn to the game.]

Eddy: "Okay, Jonny, play ball!"

Edd: "Your serve, Jonny."

Jonny: "Oh, boy! Plank and I play this all the time!" [He serves the ball to Bob, and the ball comes screaming back, hitting him dead center in his forehead.]

Eddy: [laughing] "Bob spiked it!"

Ed: "Wow, Bob's good for a cone."

Jonny: [embarrassed] "Did it leave a mark?"

Edd: "Uh."

Nat: "No your ok."

Jonny: "I don't like Bob." [Eddy abruptly stops laughing.]

Eddy: "Uh oh."

Nat: "That's ok Jonny."

Edd: "Don't worry, Jonny. All relationships start with a strong foundation."

Ed: "I live in a foundation, with all sorts of useless things that Jonny would talk to."

Eddy: [scheming once more] "Saved by the Ed."

Ed: "Come, Eddy!" [He carries Edd, Nat, Eddy, and Jonny to his house.]

[Ed tumbles down the stairs that lead to his basement.]

Jonny: [laughing] "Ed, you go down the stairs just like Plank!"

Ed: [throwing open his door] "A friend for Jonny we need!"

Jonny: "Ed, you gotta like your room!"

Edd: "Oh dear, Jonny's in the denial stage."

Ed: [tossing things out of his closet] "I got a friend for you, Jonny! Somewhere."

Eddy: [ducking to avoid being hit] "Ed, you just missed my–" [A boot lands on Eddy's head like a hat.]

Ed: "Ahoy!"

Eddy: [muttering a threat] "Wait'll I get my hands on you–!"

Edd: "Why Eddy, that's a perfect match for Jonny! Don't you think?"

Nat: "I agree."

[The boot does indeed kind of look like it has eyes and a mouth.]

Eddy: "Really?" [setting the boot on a stool, addressing Jonny] "Jonny! Meet Salty Sam."

Jonny: "It looks a little crusty."

Eddy: "Don't judge a book by its cover, Jonny! It's salty, and it's a boot! Knock yourself out!" [He, Nat and Edd exit.]

Ed: "Hmm, now what did I come..." [He trails off. Ed is looking at a picture of himself as a baby.] "Aw, look!"

Eddy: [from outside the room] "Ed!"

Ed: "Huh? Uh, yes Eddy?" [He tosses the photo into his closet and gravitates towards his friends.]

Eddy: "Get out here, willya? These two need some quality time." [He shuts the door on Jonny and Sam.] "Did you see the sparkle in Jonny's eyes? Stop me boys and girl, I'm getting frilly!"

[The sounds of a loud, angry tussle come from Ed's room.]

Ed: "They're having fun!"

Jonny: "Stop it Salty!"

[The Eds and Nat peek in to find Jonny clutching a pipe on the ceiling.]

Jonny: "He's mad, I tell ya, mad! Oh my."

[The boot is in the same position Eddy left it in.]

Eddy: "What's with this guy?"

Nat: "Maybe we shouldn't pick for him."

Edd: "Jonny needs to pick his own friend."

Eddy: [snapping his fingers] "Bingo!"

[A sign tacked to Eddy's door reads "Cheep Frends For Life Inside!" Music is coming from Eddy's room.]

Jonny: "Friends for life?"

Edd: [knocking on the door] "Yes indeedy. Ooh, it sounds like the festivities have already begun."

Nat: "Let's go in shall we?"

[The door opens, and we hear that the music is pumped incredibly high. Eddy stands just inside the door, dressed in full disco clothing.]

Edd: [shouting over the music] "EDDY! THE MUSIC'S TOO LOUD! YOU'RE DISRUPTING–" [Eddy turns the music down] "–THE FABRIC OF SUBURBAN LIVING!" [Edd realizes he's the one who is too loud and quickly stops yelling.]

Eddy: [pulling Jonny inside] "C'mon, c'mon, lighten up Jonny. This shindig's all for you, Curly! Schmooze on into the party! Check out those cool friends." [Indeed, there are a bunch of inanimate objects with faces painted on them against one of the walls.]

Jonny: "They're all staring at me!"

Eddy: "With a head like yours, I'd stare too. Just follow Ed, Nat and Double D. They'll get this place a'cooking!" [to his friends in hushed tones] "Quit standing around! Get out there! Dance with something! Break the ice!"

Edd: "This is not my strong suit."

Nat: "I can't dance."

Ed: "I'm the ice-cream man."

Eddy: [pushing Edd forward] "Move, Double D!"

Edd: "Stop! No! Please!"

Eddy: [giving him one last shove] "Do it for Jonny."

Ed: [dancing with a plant] "What lovely leaves you have!" [He pulls them out.] "Oh, it's a wig. Sorry."

Eddy: "Thataboy, Monobrow!" [to Jonny] "Ed's got a new friend."

Jonny: [eyes filling with tears] "I...miss...Plank."

Edd: "Dancing with a vase. Boy have I reached an all-time low."

Nat: [dancing with a lamp] "I hope I'm doing this right."

[Jonny slinks over to the side with the friends, depressed.]

Jonny: "Would you, um uh, like to, uh uh, d-d-dance? With me?"

[A ski stares back at him in silence.]

Jonny: "Oh, okay. What?" [He stares at some different objects.] "Who are you? Dance? No, I thought–oh, no, I like you too! Oooh!" [The room wavers in front of him.] "Too many friends!" [His gaze falls on a chair with a face painted on it.]

Eddy: [pulling Jonny away from the door as he tries to leave] "Hey there, party pooper! C'mon, relax! Take a load off those sandals." [Eddy places Jonny in the chair.] "The party's just starting!"

[Someone kicks the door open on top of Eddy.]

Kevin: "Check it out, Rolf!" [He and Rolf enter.]

Nazz: "Cool party. Check out the snacks." [She joins in.]

Sarah: "Party?" [looking in] "Jimmy! Party!" [She runs in to celebrate.]

Eddy: [dazed, trying to lift the door off of him] "Granddad?"

[Jimmy stomps on the door, pushing Eddy back down.]

Jimmy: "Someone point me to the DJ!"

Rolf: [dancing] "Time for Rolf to show off his boo-ga-loo. Ya!"

Sarah: "Whee!"

Jimmy: "Let's bust a move, Sarah! Whee!"

[Jimmy tosses Plank away. Plank lands on one of the chairs leaned against the wall.]

Jonny: "Plank?"

Plank:

Eddy: [worried about something] "Kevin! No! No!"

Kevin: [looking at some records] "What is this stuff? Ha! So lame." [He tosses one away.]

Eddy: "My records!" [Eddy dives for the tossed record, but the vinyl hits the floor and shatters before he can catch it.] "That's it! I want all of you–"

Ed: [to a record] "Hello, can I have this dance?"

Eddy: "Wait!" [Rolf grabs him.]

Rolf: [dancing with Eddy] "Come! Boogaloo with Rolf! Show me where your mama lives! Ah, fresh. Try this one, Eddy! Boo! Ga! Loo!" [He performs a complicated dance move which ends up with Eddy's head stuck in the ceiling.]

Ed: [arms full of friends] "Swingin!"

[Ed moves past the chairs, and Plank and Jonny each move one space closer.]

Rolf: [at the head of a conga line] "Hang on tight! Cha cha cha!"

Kevin: "Whoa! You're a machine!"

Jimmy: "I've got goosebumps, Sarah!"

[After the line passes, Jonny and Plank are sitting next to one another.]

Plank:

Jonny: "I'm sorry too, Plank. Let's go home."

Eddy: [frantically to Edd] "It's out of control!"

Edd: "Don't cut in, Eddy, it's rude."

[Ed grabs the vase Edd was dancing with.]

Ed: "Next! Get on board the Ed train!" [Ed's arms are completely filled with the friends.]

Eddy: "Ed!"

[Ed steps on a rolling pin he dropped.]

Ed: "Call a doctor!"

Edd and Eddy: [as the stuff falls] "Not cool not cool!"

[The disaster is over, and Eddy pushes his way to the top of the pile of destroyed stuff.]

Eddy: "Outta my room! Out, out, out!"

Rolf: [leaving] "I was born to be wild, but the cage was too small."

Kevin: [trailing Rolf] "It was a dorkfest."

Nazz: "I actually started to sweat. Me!"

Eddy: [angry as Sarah blows a raspberry at him] "Outta here."

Edd: [happy] "Well, Jonny found his friend."

Eddy: "No way!"

Edd: [pointing] "Look Eddy." [Jonny is walking off, Plank cradled in his arm.]

Nat: "Aww isn't that sweet?"

Eddy: "Hey, Jonny! But, but...gimme my quarter!"

[Something coming from his room catches Eddy's ear.]

Jimmy: [dancing] "Do-weet do-weet! Everybody's doing it! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!"

[Ed does the worm as the song gets into its groove.]

Jimmy: "Do-weet do-weet! Do-weet do-weet! Do-weet do-weet!"

[Eddy growls.]

Nat: "I love this song!" [She goes to join Ed and Jimmy.]

Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy. This is my song." [He joins Ed, Nat and Jimmy on the dance floor.]

Eddy: [going with the flow] "If you can't beat 'em, show off!"

[Eddy puts on sunglasses and joins the four in the middle of his bedroom.]

Eddy: "Let's mumbo!" [dancing] "Oot oot! Oot oot! Oot! Oot!"

[The five dance happily until Ed, getting a little too gracious with his hips, bashes the others away.]

Ed: [to the melody] "In syncopated style!"

Eddy: "Ed!"


	29. Knock Knock Who's Ed?

[Ed is bouncing high in the air, laughing with each jump.]

Eddy: "This idea's too good, even for me."

[Edd and Nat are carrying a bag of gelatin.]

Edd: [struggling under the weight of a bag of gelatin] "A triumph, Eddy."

Ed: [bouncing on a diving board] "Belly flop!"

Eddy: "Slow down, Tarzan. We're not ready yet."

Edd: "This lime-flavored gelatin should replicate the look and feel of a real ocean." [He pours it into the water.]

Eddy: "I can't see, is it done yet?"

Ed: [in his underclothes] "Done what?"

Edd: "The directions state it takes fifteen minutes for the–"

Eddy: "Fifteen minutes? It's supposed to be instant gelatin. What a rip!"

[Eddy pushes Edd into the pool wall. The walls around the water shake.]

Eddy: "RUN!" [As he, Edd and Nat do so, the walls collapse, revealing a giant, square gelatin pool.]

Ed: "Jiggly."

Eddy: [returning] "I smell cash, boys. Every kid on the block will want to cool off in this stuff! Tell me, am I drooling?"

Nat: "No your not Eddy."

Ed: "Up periscope!" [He dives in and sinks close to the bottom. There he stays, held in place by the gelatin.]

Edd: "I must have overestimated the viscosity of the gelatin."

Nat: "Seems that way."

Eddy: "The greatest scam in the world! Gone."

Edd: "Eddy. Look."

[Ed sucks in all the gelatin. He then grins and lets the green goop stream out from the gaps between his teeth.]

[Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Edd: "Well I think I'll skip lunch today."

Eddy: "Let's take him home and hide him."

[Ed's room is decorated with banners and posters announcing a monster movie marathon.]

Eddy: [reading] "Marathon? Don't miss? All day movie? Ed, what's up with all these signs?"

Ed: "To remind me not to forget."

Eddy: "How to blink and talk at the same time?"

Ed: [shoving a TV guide at his friends] "No, the monster movie marathon."

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Movie marathon?"

Ed: "Eight hours of horror cyclops movies!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Cool!"

Eddy: "Count me in!" [He jumps into a chair Ed has just pushed forward.]

Ed: [leaping onto Eddy's lap] "Tell me a story, Eddy."

Eddy: "Get off me!"

Edd: "Room for one more?"

Eddy: "What are ya?"

Edd: "Nat come join us!"

Nat: "Oh ok."

[Nat squeezes in.]

Edd: "Comfy?"

Nat: "Sort of."

Eddy: "Okay, Ed. Snack me."

Ed: "Snack?"

Edd: "Certainly, Ed. After all, we are your guests. Which makes you, the host."

Eddy: "Yeah. C'mon, Snack Boy, fork 'em over."

Ed: "I am a host." [He rolls up his pant leg to reveal several small packages stuck to his leg.] "Snack for Nat?" [He plucks a hair-covered package off and offers it.]

Nat: "No thanks Ed."

Ed:[moving the snack to Edd] "Snack for Double D?"

Edd: "Stop wait I couldn't. Not before Eddy."

Ed: [moving the snack to Eddy] "Snack for my guest."

Eddy: "It's hairy, Ed."

Ed: "Oh, I will get you another one, Mr. Eddy."

Eddy: [backing away] "Oh, um, let me just check the kitchen."

Nat: [following] "Right behind you."

Edd: [also following] "Don't you leave me here."

Ed: "I got this one for Christmas."

[A bunch of crayon drawings lie on a table in a kitchen.]

Jimmy: [holding one up] "Look, Sarah! French Post-Modern Impressionistic!"

Sarah: "Looks like a gerbil, Jimmy!" [In the background, the Eds and Nat head for the fridge.]

Eddy: "Monster movies need a monster snack. Where's the mayo, Ed? Look out, Mr. Comfy."

[Ed plunges his eyes into a donut to make himself look like a cyclops.]

Ed: "Monster sandwich!"

Eddy: "Now if we only had–"

Edd: "Ooh, garbanzo paste!"

Nat: "Yes please!"

Eddy: "Uh, you're kidding, right?"

Sarah: "Ed! Get out of my kitchen!"

Eddy: "Ooh. Artists."

Sarah: "I have a guest!" [She kicks a chair at the fridge door, knocking it closed and trapping Edd and Eddy inside the fridge.] "So get lost!"

Ed: "But Sarah, I am a host!"

[Nat opens the door.]

Eddy: "We're not going anywh–" [Edd falls on top of him.]

Sarah: "You're leaving right now!"

Ed: "Please, Eddy, before she–"

Eddy: "Before she what? Did you forget about the movie? What's Toulouse gonna do, anyway? Fingerpaint me to death?" [He laughs.]

Edd: "Eddy, need I remind you of Sarah's instability and lack of rational thought!"

[Sarah, face red, leaps at them with a growl.]

Sarah: "RRRAH!"

[Ed is pushed out the door. Edd and Eddy are stuffed in his mouth, and he is sitting on a skateboard. The board hits a rock, and Ed falls over. Nat goes outside to help them. She manages to pull Edd and Eddy out.]

Eddy: "Wait'll I get my hands on that shrimp!"

[Sarah slams the door shut and locks it.]

Eddy: "Unlock this door, Sarah!"

[Sarah knocks on the window to attract his attention and then makes faces at him. She then draws the curtains.]

Eddy: "Why you little–Ed, your sister locked us out."

Ed: "I must see movie movie good for Ed!"

[Ed zooms off. Before he can reach his window, Sarah locks it, effectively keeping them from getting in.]

Ed: "I have to see movie, Eddy!" [Sarah and Jimmy are in his chair.]

Eddy: "I've had it! Those twerps will regret the day they messed with this brainpower." [He taps his forehead.]

Edd: "I believe we'll all be sorry for that, Eddy."

[Sarah is using a glass to listen through the door. Outside, a wagon is being wheeled to the house. We then see that the Eds and Nat are in an enclosed space, presumably on the wagon.]

Ed: "Eddy, I think my leg's asleep."

Eddy: "Your head's asleep, Ed."

[Atop the wagon is a giant doll made of cardboard. Inside, Sarah is balancing Jimmy on her shoulders so that Jimmy can look out a window in the door.]

Sarah: "Can you see those idiots, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: [looking at the doll] "Sarah! Santa's come early!"

[The door is unlocked.]

Jimmy: "It's so life-sized!" [He spots a string.] "A talking dolly!" [He pulls the string.]

Eddy: [whispering] "Say something, stupid!"

Ed: "My head is snoring, make it stop."

Jimmy: "AAAH! Sarah! Boogeyman!" [He clutches Sarah.]

Sarah: "Now now, Jimmy. We'll have lots of fun with our new dolly." [She starts to wheel it away.]

Eddy: "What saps! What suckers!"

Edd: "Please move your foot, Eddy."

[The doll moves in the front door, through the house, and out the back door. Sarah then pushes it somewhere and leaves it.]

Eddy: "We're in! Movie, Ed."

Ed: [kicking the head off] "TV for me!"

Eddy: "What's up, kiwihead?"

[The wagon is balanced on top of a lamppost.]

Ed: "My parents moved the house, Eddy."

Eddy: "What the–"

[The wagon tilts and falls off. The Eds and Nat lie among the wreckage.]

Nat: "What now?"

Edd: "We could just go to our house."

Eddy: "What, and ruin the plot?"

Ed: "I want movie now."

[A banging is heard on a door. Kevin answers.]

Kevin: "We got a doorbell, you know."

Eddy: [frantic] "Kev, am I glad you're home! Um, you passed First Aid, right? Good! It's bad, Kev. There's not much time."

Kevin: "What's bad, Dorkenstein?" [He looks up.] "My yard!"

[Kevin's yard has indeed been destroyed. There is a huge ditch running through the middle strewn with a broken tree and numerous household implements. At the end of the ditch is a makeshift plane.]

Kevin: "What'd you twerps do to my yard?"

Edd: [doing a poor job of acting] "Oh, the tragedy! Ed, my friend, speak to me!"

Nat: "Please Ed we can't loose you!"

Eddy: "Ed was flying! Skywriting! When he ran out! Of. Syllables!"

Ed: [being dragged from the wreckage by Edd and Nat] "Ow! My liver. Ow! My lasagna."

Edd: "Ed, lasagna isn't a major organ."

Ed: [confused] "It isn't?"

Eddy: "He flew in reverse! To erase a spelling mistake. And crash! In your yard. It was hideous. If only he had landed on his head."

Ed: [being dragged by Edd and Nat] "Ow! My fingernails. Ow! My skin. Ow! Hi Kevin."

Eddy: "Look at his legs!"

Ed: "Pain and hurt!"

Eddy: "They're boneless! We better take him to your TV room. To heal."

Kevin: [not buying it] "Get off my lawn."

Ed: "Ouch! Scratch pain."

Eddy: "Nice job, Brando."

Ed: "Monster movie, Eddy!"

[A doorbell rings at another house. Rolf comes to answer it.]

Rolf: "Hello?"

Eddy: "Hi Rolf. Come in? Watch TV? Sure, but we can't stay long. Now where's that T–"

Rolf: [grabbing Eddy's earlobe] "You have no permission to enter Rolf's house!"

Edd: "My, what interesting antiquities, Rolf." [He scans the furniture, which is all wrapped in plastic.] "Old World Colonial? That's an interesting piece." [He is pointing to a sculpture of a sheep inside a jar.]

Nat: "Can you tell us about it?"

Rolf: "Come, sit. Let Rolf tell you of the Great Nano urn. A brave and proud shepherd he was. My Great Nano's ashes still protect the land!" [He shakes the urn, and ashes fall, as though the urn is a snow globe.]

Eddy: [sitting down] "Why's there plastic on this chair, Rolf? To keep it fresh or something?" [Eddy slides off the chair.]

Rolf: [annoyed] "Sit down, Ed-boy!"

Edd: [on a stool] "Your great-grandfather sounds like a great man, Rolf."

Nat: "Please tell us more."

Rolf: "As I was the first-born male of the family, it was placed upon me to carry the Great Nano cross the sea to this new land. It was a difficult journey for Rolf." [seeing Ed not sitting down] "Birdbrain Ed-boy, sit down! My patience is thin, and your head is fat!"

[Ed spots a television cabinet across the room.]

Ed: "TV, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Bingo."

Rolf: [acting out his story] "Under the cover of darkness, we traveled across the sea in canoes made from our leather shoes, yes?"

Eddy: "Monster movie, Ed?" [He and Ed bounce their chairs towards the television.]

Rolf: [still telling his tale] "A giant sea cucumber arose from the depths with one eye blinking and blinking, looking at Rolf like a sandwich!" [He notices Ed and Eddy.] "Am I boring you?"

Eddy: "Nah, we gotta go to the bathroom."

Edd: "We? Together at once?"

[Rolf holds the door open for the Eds and Nat.]

Rolf: "The sea cucumber gurgled loudly like my father after eating cabbage!"

Edd: "Yes, yes, one moment!" [He shuts the door. To his friends] "There's no telling what I'll do if I hear any more of that story!"

Nat: "I shouldn't have asked."

Eddy: "There's gotta be another way to that TV. There! Look." [He points straight up at an open vent.]

Nat: "But it's dark up there." [Ed picks her up.]

Ed: "Up you go Nat." [Nat reluctantly goes in the vent.]

Edd: "A bathroom vent? Do you know what bacteria adhere to–" [Ed picks him up.] "Wait!"

Ed: "TV, Double D." [He stuffs Edd into the vent.]

Eddy: [crawling through the vents] "This way, hurry!"

Rolf: [talking to the bathroom door] "We had to devour the cucumber!"

Nat: "I can't move!"

Edd: "Eddy, I am stuck!"

Eddy: "Me too! Ed, give us a push."

[Ed pushes his friends out a vent that lies right in front of the TV.]

Ed: "TV! Movie! Is it on?"

Eddy: "Outta my way!" [He hauls the cabinet doors open.]

The Eds and Nat: "Cyclops!"

[Eddy opens the doors to reveal a TV with an incredibly small screen, maybe an inch diagonally. The rest of the machine is ancient, including a four-way channel selector and a gigantic power switch.]

Eddy: [squinting] "What is this? I can't see it. Is that a TV?"

Nat: "I think so."

Ed: "Who's there?"

Edd: "Rolf's television seems dated. I'm sure this activates it." [He pulls the switch.]

Ed: [holding up a jellybean] "Snack, Eddy?"

[Suddenly, the floor begins to shake. The cabinet moves away from the wall. Suddenly, the tiny screen lights up with static.]

Ed: "Where's the movie?"

Eddy: "Relax, will ya? It's just the wrong channel." [He fiddles with the tuner.]

Ed: "That! That's it."

Eddy: "This? This is the–"

Ed: [pushing Eddy out of the way] "This is where the cyclops blinks his victims to death."

Eddy: "It's not even in color! I still ache from digging up Kevin's yard."

Edd: "Even from this distance, the production values look remarkably cheap."

Nat: "Well it's something."

Eddy: [leaving] "C'mon, let's get more gelatin."

Edd: "Coming, Ed?" [Ed shushes him.]

Eddy: "C'mon, Ed, this movie stinks."

Ed: "Movie good for Ed!"

Eddy: "Lighten up, Lumpy, I just–"

Ed: "Shut up! Sit down!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy take seats on stools. Ed turns back to his movie happily. Rolf appears.]

Rolf: "Ho ho! There you are, snake-in-the-grass Ed-boys and quiet Nat-girl."

Ed: "Ssh!"

Rolf: [joining Ed at the TV] "That creature reminds me of my one-eyed Great Nana. She was such a sweet woman. Always bumping into things!"

[Ed sets Rolf on a stool.]

Ed: "No more talking."

Rolf: [to Edd] "How long must we sit?"

Edd: [looking a little sick] "It's an eight-hour marathon."

Nat: "Eight hours of non-stop watching."

Eddy: "Good thing we already went to the bathroom."

Ed: "I SAID QUIET!" [He returns to the movie.] "SNACKS!"


	30. One + One = Ed

[Eddy is in bed, sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, flies start to swarm around him. Eddy waves them away and rolls over. The flies return, however, and Eddy awakes a little. He then sees something startling.]

Eddy: "Ed! What are you doing in my bed?"

Ed: "I can't sleep, Eddy. I keep thinking; how can my feet smell if they don't have a nose?"

Eddy: "Ed?" [after a long pause] "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" [He boots Ed out of bed.]

Ed: "Ow! My buttocks hurt." [His attention is drawn to the lava lamp.] "Why does goo float?"

Eddy: "HIT THE ROAD!!" [A crunching is heard. Ed has eaten the lamp. The goo can still be seen through his eyes.] "What the? MY LAMP!!!"

Ed: [picks Eddy up] "Eddy, why don't birds just take a bus south for the winter?"

[A clock on Eddy's stove reads 3:14. Eddy, exhausted, has curled up into a drawer and Ed's barrage of questions is still going strong.]

Ed: [opening and closing the refrigerator door] "Eddy, when you close the fridge door, does the little light stay on?"

Eddy: "GO HOME!"

Ed: [continuing to play with the door] "Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light. Hello light."

[It is morning. Eddy has gotten no sleep, and Ed is still asking questions.]

Ed: "Eddy, carrots are good for your eyes. Can it dial a phone?"

Eddy: "If you're going to strain your peanut brain, think of something more important. Like–how to get your face on a dollar bill!"

Ed: "Eddy, why is someone in the kitchen with Dinah?"

Eddy: "Uh...Double D and Nat up yet?"

[Edd is working on some complicated piece of machinery. Nat is there with him watching.]

Nat: "Wow I've never seen the inside!"

Edd: "Well allow me to be the first to show you."

[Edd plucks out a piece.]

Edd: "Intriguing! Slowly..." [examining it] "How embarrassing! Seems to be a 15-amp resistor! Who woulda thought? My, I love knowledge!"

Nat: "Me too!"

Eddy: "HEY DOUBLE D!" [Edd leaps into Ed's arms.]

Edd: "Eddy, you know I hate that! Oh, hello, Ed."

Eddy: "What're you doing to this toaster? Busted, or what? Where's the toast go, anyway?"

Edd: "First of all, Eddy, toast doesn't go in a toaster. Bread does. Second, it's actually an antique radio. I disassembled it, Eddy, in order to understand and show Nat how it works."

Eddy: "You're a riot, Double D."

Nat: "It's incredible!"

Edd: "Think how if we knew everything, we would be–"

Eddy: [sarcastic] "If we knew everything, we would be so famous." [getting an idea] "Wait, yeah! And rich!"

Ed: "Like potato salad?"

Edd: "Well–"

Eddy: "I see jawbreakers! Loads of em! I never thought I'd say this, but, let's learn!"

Nat: "Yes I would love to learn more!"

Edd: "That's the spirit! Let's get educated! Shall we begin our journey of knowledge at Ed's house?"

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Eddy: "We're gonna be eggheads! Rich eggheads!"

Ed: "Cluck cluck cluck."

[Ed heaves open his garage door.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "Egads!"

Eddy: "Garages are for cars, Ed."

Ed: "Why thank you."

[Ed's garage is filled with an immense amount of junk.]

Nat: "There's so much to learn!"

Edd: "Where do we begin?"

Ed: "Oh I know! Let's take this apart first!" [He grabs a washing machine and heaves it onto Eddy.]

Edd: "Uh, Eddy?"

Ed: "Look at what I found!" [climbing out of the washing machine] "One Eddy, and a whole bunch of doohickeys. I took it apart, Double D. Am I smart now?"

Edd: [making notes] "Let's not ask for miracles, Ed."

Eddy: "You're enjoying this, aren't cha?"

Nat: "Yes very much!"

Ed: [with an agitator] "Ah, and what's this?"

Edd: "Spin it, Ed! And learn."

[Ed spins it and sticks his tongue out. The agitator wraps his face around it.]

Ed: "It's a face scruncher, cool!"

Eddy: [by a dresser] "Let's see what makes this old dresser tick!" [He pulls out a bra.] "Woo hoo! PG-13!"

Nat: "Eddy that's disrespectful!"

Ed: "That's my mom's, Eddy."

[Eddy grunts and drops the bra, disgusted.]

Edd: [giggling] "Oh dear."

Eddy: [looking at Edd's notes] "I haven't learned a thing. C'mon, let's find some more stuff."

[Eddy, making his exit, jumps on Edd's head.]

Edd: "Eddy, must you be so rough?"

Ed: "Is it my turn to jump on your head?"

Edd: "Let's just follow Eddy, Ed."

Ed: [leaping] "Follow the leader!"

Edd: [as Ed lands on his head] "Ouch!"

[Rolf is tending to his chicken coop]

Rolf: [to his chicken] "Gertrude? Eggs for Rolf?" [notices a sow] "Oh ho! Not again!" [He pulls out the sow, aghast.] "How many times must Rolf purge himself? No strange visitors! Ever! Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."

Edd: "The plywood of this coop has some very unusual characteristics." [Edd, Nat and Eddy are taking apart the coop. Ed is hugging a chicken.]

Eddy: [unimpressed] "Wow. Wood."

Rolf: "Ed-boys and Nat-girl!"

Edd: "We're trying to solve the mysteries of life."

Nat: "It's so facinating!"

Rolf: "This reminds Rolf of a fable from his old country."

Eddy: [bored] "Here we go."

Rolf: "The story of the Ugly Boy and the Tree of Heads."

Eddy: "Okay, well, it's been swell, Rolfy-boy, but we're out of here."

Rolf: [grabbing the Eds and Nat] "Life too short not to smell the parsley!? Okay. Once upon a time an ugly boy was thrown out of his village and hit his melon on a tree! The boy looked up and was amazed at the many beautiful heads growing from its branches!" [He demonstrates with his tree.]

Ed: "Handsome!"

Rolf: [putting a fruit on his head] "After many tries–" [Rolf removes the fruit, and reveals he is headless.]

Eddy: "What the–" [Rolf's head pops out of his shirt.]

Rolf: "–he found one that fit, and ran back to the village!" [tosses the fruit on Eddy's head] "Yes? He became very popular."

Ed: "I want a new head! Please, Rolf? New head! Rolf? Head for Ed!" [He grabs the tree and uproots it, revealing that the tree is two-dimensional.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "What a discovery! It's flat as cardboard!" [He makes notes.]

Eddy: "Gimme that!" [He drags the tree towards himself, but it's too heavy for him and he drops it.] "Ow!"

Edd: "Heavy in weight! Got it. Thank you, Eddy."

[Eddy climbs out from under the tree and runs up it. He looks out over the fence it is balanced on.]

Eddy: "You guys gotta see–this..." [The tree topples over.]

Edd: [very happy] "I best tend to his medical needs! 'Scuse me."

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Ed: "My turn to jump on his head!"

Rolf: [alone, angry at being ignored] "Life has many doors, Ed-boys and Nat-girl!"

[Eddy is stumbling along. Although he is moving, perspective isn't changing; the things in the distance stay small even when he reaches them.]

Eddy: [dazed] "Fall...big...tree...flat..." [He falls down behind a tiny house.] "Huh?" [He tinkers with the background house's chimney.] "Einstein's got nothing on this."

Edd: "What a discovery! I'm speechless! I mean, this is an absolute coup! The displacement of perspective! Why we're–"

Eddy: "I thought you were speechless."

Ed: "Look at me run." [He falls and slides, ending up under the road.] "Home free."

Edd: [making notes] "The pavement has adapted fabric-like qualities! Interesting!"

Nat: "This is incredible!"

Eddy: [laughing as he leaps on a background house] "He'll never find his way out!" [the house collapses under his weight] "I say we take a break. This learning stuff is making me hungry."

[Eddy passes his hand behind the sun.]

Eddy: "Did you see that?" [He does it again.] "Weird. Oh well. Can't beat 'em, eat 'em." [He takes a bite out of the sun, leaving a crescent moon.] "Not bad."

Jimmy: [in the suddenly dark lane] "Jumping Jehoshaphat! Who turned out the sun?"

Ed: [looking over a fence] "Hi, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "AAAAAHHH!" [He falls down, but Edd puts him back on his feet]

Eddy: [beside him with Edd] "Lighten up, shrimp. We're just figuring out how stuff works." [He spots a loose thread on Jimmy's person.] "A thread?" [Eddy pulls on it and unravels the sweater. The thread leads into Jimmy's body.] "What the...? Woohoo!" [He yanks Jimmy's outline loose.]

Edd: "Is that Jimmy's outline?"

Eddy: "You betcha. Let's sell it back to him."

Jimmy: "Fate has dealt a cruel hand." [Jimmy collapses into a liquid and goes down a sewer grate.] "Darn it!"

Edd: [as Eddy pulls on the outline] "Um, Eddy, you best not aggravate it."

Eddy: [twisting it into a hairstyle and putting it on his head] "Like my new hairdo, Double D and Nat?"

Nat: [giggling] "It looks great."

Edd: [gigging] "It suits you, Eddy. Ed!"

Ed: [sawing a hole in the night sky] "This is fun! Hello!"

[He finishes with the hole, revealing the Kankers taking a bath.]

May: "Big Ed, scrub my feet!" [The sisters giggle, and Ed shoves the hole away.]

Eddy: [walks onto the sawn-out hole] "Did you see anything?" [notices the hole he's on] "Huh?" [falls through the hole] "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH..."

Ed: "Uh, Eddy?"

Eddy: [comes back from the top of the screen and through the hole again] "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH..."

Ed: [looks up] "Eddy?"

Eddy: [...and again] "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH..."

Ed: [picks up the hole] "My turn!"

Eddy: "...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" [lands beside Ed as he puts his head through it; his head appears, upside down, at the top of the screen.]

Ed: "Look at me!"

Edd: [taking more notes] "Ed, you seem to have stumbled into another dimension! I feel we're getting closer to answering that all-important question!"

Eddy: "Is Eddy rich yet?"

Ed: "Can Ed go to the bathroom?"

Nat: "Is all of this real?"

Sarah: [popping up out of the hole Ed is holding] "ED!"

Ed: "Sarah?"

Edd: "Sarah?"

Sarah: "WAIT TILL I TELL MOM WHAT YOU DID TO JIMMY!" [She pulls out a jug in which Jimmy rests.]

Jimmy: "Don't spill me!"

Eddy: "What a shame! Gotta go? So soon?"

Sarah: "Eddy, you blockhead!"

[Eddy starts running, but steps out of his running feet. He then places Sarah in the moving feet, and she runs away.]

Edd: [ecstatic] "We could very well be the next cover story of Intellectual Discoveries magazine!"

Eddy: "Good thing you're housebroken." [Edd looks up.]

Edd: "Don't look now, but there's a cow hovering just overhead." [The cow crows like a rooster.] "I feel uncomfortable. Pardon me." [He exits to the right.]

Eddy: "Hold the elevator, Double D." [He follows. Ed stays where he is.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "Am I it?"

[Ed follows his friends to a place where everything floats where it may and there are no clear paths.]

Eddy: [as Edd adds more notes] "Double D! We've learned into fortune!"

Edd: "Don't let the excitement spoil your grammar, Eddy."

Eddy: "Look around us. We've gotta be rich!"

[A house behind him suddenly opens up, and Sarah leans out of it.]

Sarah: "EVERYTHING'S BROKEN! FIX IT NOW!!!"

Eddy: "Shut your mouth, Sarah! Or better yet, get rid of it!" [Eddy rips off Sarah's lips.] "I love taking things apart." [Sarah's mouth bites his ear. He strains to tear it off.] "Get her off, Double D!!"

Edd: [making notes] "Not a chance!"

[Suddenly, things start drifting every which way.]

Eddy: "SARAH!"

Edd: "Hello. An original scene transition. Interesting."

[A checkerboard pattern rises up to cover the screen and turn the world to black.]

[The Eds and Nat eyes open in a plain black world.]

Nat: "What happened to the light?"

Edd: "Did you eat the sun again, Eddy?"

Ed: "Can you guess what I'm doing?"

Eddy: "Get off my foot, Ed!"

Edd: "I think we're moving, Eddy."

[The Eds and Nat are in Kevin's right eye.]

Kevin: [riding his bike nowhere] "I can hear dorks, but I can't see dorks. Come on out and show yourselves!"

[Kevin rides up, leaving smoke behind him. When the smoke clears, Ed is sitting in a chair, floating.]

Ed: [pulling on a cloud] "Cotton gravy!"

Edd: [in something like an Escher print] "Careful, Ed. You don't know where that's been!"

Ed: "Oh, it's right here, Double D."

[In front of Edd's eyes, Jonny's disembodied head appears.]

Jonny: "Tally-ho! Plank and I are gonna go rough it in the woods!"

[Jonny's body tucks Jonny's head under its arm, revealing that it has Plank for a head and is lugging behind it a backpack overstuffed with various unnecessary items.]

Nat: "What is happening?"

Edd: [hushed] "This is not good."

Nazz: [in the backpack, with the body of a purple reptile] "Care to join us, Double D?"

Eddy: [upside down] "Was that Nazz?"

[The perspective changes so that it looks like Edd, Nat and Eddy are standing sideways.]

Edd: "You realize we're floating, don't you?"

Nat: "Yes we are."

[They fall, and chicken legs pop up from nowhere. Suddenly, Rolf parts the background.]

Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys and Nat-girl." [He reveals he has three heads.]

Rolf's Head #1 (center): "Many doors, yes?"

Rolf's Head #2 (left): "Too much for..."

Rolf's Head #3 (right): "...couch potato Ed-boys like yourselves."

Eddy: [in a living room with Edd and Nat] "A three-headed Rolf. Yawn."

Ed: [blowing up his piece of cloud like a balloon] "Fly, butterfly, fly." [It floats upward, carrying Ed with it.]

Eddy: "Ed, what're you doing?"

Rolf's Heads: [in tandem] "The story is not yet over!"

Edd: [grabbing Ed's leg] "Oh, Ed, please!"

Nat: [grabbing Edd's legs] "Hold on!"

Eddy: [grabbing Nat's legs] "I gotcha!"

[The cloud lifts them away, and Rolf's heads growl.]

Eddy: "How's he put on a hat? Are we rich yet, Double D?"

Edd: [trying to read his notes] "It's all become very complicated, Eddy."

Eddy: "What're ya givin' me?" [starts climbing to the top of Nat to Edd] "All we have to do is read your notes." [take the notebook] "And we'll be up to our necks in jawbreakers!"

Ed: "I love chickens, Eddy!"

[The cloud floats into the tip of a pencil, popping it. The Eds and Nat fall to Earth. Edd drops his notes, and they scatter all over the place.]

Eddy: "Oof!"

Edd: "Augh!"

Nat: "Ahh!"

Ed: "Sandwich!"

Edd: [seeing the scattered notes] "My notes!"

[In the now normal lane, the kids watch as the Eds and Nat scramble to pick up all Edd's notes.]

Kevin: "What are you doing?"

The Eds and Nat: "Uh...nothing."

Kevin: "Right. Except for being–"

Sarah: "Dorks?"

Kevin: [impressed] "Yeah."

Jimmy: [sitting in a wagon, bandaged] "Can't we all just get along?"

Ed: "Jimmy! You got your line back!" [He examines Jimmy.] "Is it on wrong?"

Sarah: "ED! LEAVE JIMMY ALONE!"

Ed: "Baby sister!" [He pulls at her lips.] "Take your mouth off again."

Rolf: "Big Ed has lost his marbles?"

Ed: "It's stuck!"

Eddy: "Go, Burrhead, go!" [Sarah heaves Ed off and sends him sliding towards his friends.]

Ed: "Sarah's mad." [Sarah expresses anger.]

Eddy: "RUN FOR IT!"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Oh dear!"

[Eddy takes off. He almost falls into a manhole, but manages to stop in time. Unfortunately, Edd and Nat run into Eddy's back, pushing them all in.]

Ed: "It's okay, guys and girl. I'll just pick up the hole." [Ed grabs the manhole and pulls a gigantic pipe out.]

Edd: "This is unsanitary!"

Ed: "Alley-oop!"

Sarah: "Wait till I get my hands on you!"

Ed: "Big hole."

Sarah: "Ed!"

Eddy: "Run for it!"

[Ed runs away carrying the pipe, Sarah chasing him all the way down the lane.]


	31. Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Ed

[Two sock puppets are fighting with each other.]

Ed: [providing voices] "Yee-rar. Rar rar rar. Raarr!"

Eddy: "Ed, pay attention!" [gesturing to a kiddie pool] "Here, I see the ninth hole. With a jump over the water, and a spiral twist to the hole. Now where to put the cart rentals?"

Ed: "Devour Stinky Sock. Yap yap yap."

Eddy: "Gimme those socks." [Ed blows a raspberry.] "Why you–!" [He leaps on Ed, and they begin to fight.]

Ed: [while fighting] "Gimme my sock! Gimme my sock! I want my sock!"

Edd: [tinkering with a machine] "I think I've done it!"

Nat: "Plug it in Double D!"

Ed: "Double D!" [He runs over to Edd.] "Donuts! Can I lick the bowl, Double D?" [Edd plugs the machine in.]

Edd: "Voilà! The Ed's and Nat's Miniature Golf Course is open for business!" [Edd has created an imposing monster.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Ed: "Cool."

Eddy: [leaping onto Ed] "Good work, Double D. The kids'll line up for blocks and we'll be independently secure. Let's break it in!"

Edd: "But Ed-deeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

[Eddy spins Edd away and tees up, using Ed's head as the tee. He pulls out a club and swings, driving a divot. He looks for the ball, but doesn't see it. When he looks down, Ed's head has disappeared.]

Eddy: "Huh? Oh no!" [Ed pops his head out of his jacket.]

Ed: "My turn!" [He sucks the ball back and stands up. He then spits it out and swings the club like a baseball bat. The club flies out of his hands and hits the monster machine dead center, destroying it.] "Fore."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "All my hard work."

Eddy: "What planet are you from?"

Ed: [hugging Eddy] "I come in peace, Eddy!"

Nat: "Can you fix it?"

Edd: [examining the machine] "Well, the rods are shot, and it'll probably take me weeks to find another box."

Ed: [with the sock puppet] "How come Double D's so smart about stuff?"

Eddy: [sarcastic] "Because he's not human."

Ed: [gasping] "DOUBLE D'S NOT HUMAN? No way."

Eddy: [getting an idea] "I...thought you knew. Have you ever known anyone that smart?"

[Ed thinks.]

Eddy: [impatient] "Well?"

Ed: "If Double D's not human, what is he?"

Eddy: [concocting a story] "You didn't hear this from me, but...deep in the earth's core, in a top-secret lab, a mad scientist conducted cross-breeding experiments!"

Ed: "Do tell!"

Eddy: "By combining a terrifying lizard with a sweet boy, thus creating...the Lizardman!" [Edd continues to look at the mechanical monster.] "See that hat? He hides his gills under it."

Ed: "Cool!"

Eddy: "Nat's not human either."

Ed: "She's not?"

Eddy: "Have you seen anyone that eager to learn?"

[Ed thinks again.]

Eddy: [impatient] "No you haven't."

Ed: "So what is she?"

Eddy: "She is the Lizardman's sidekick the Lizardwoman!" [Nat continues to watch Edd work.] "She also has gills under her sweater."

Ed: [running off] "Must touch gills!"

[Eddy collapses to the ground, laughing.]

[Edd is working on the machine. As he does so, Ed comes over and tries to lift his hat.]

Edd: "Respect my personal space, please." [Ed is miffed, but Eddy just giggles.] "Thank you."

[Ed goes over to where Nat is and tries to pull down her sweater collar. She quickly becomes alarmed and turns around.]

Nat: "Please don't touch my sweater Ed." [Ed slightly backs away.] "Thank you." [She turns back around.]

[Eddy points downwards, and Ed attempts again at Edd, from another angle. Edd turns around and thwacks him with a ruler. Eddy tries to hold in his laughter while Ed sucks on his swollen hand.]

Edd: "You're on thin ice, mister!" [A timer in his pocket rings.] "My cocoons need tending." [He goes off to tend to his cocoons.]

[Eddy motions for Ed to go to Nat. As Ed tries to pull her collar again she grabs his arm and flips him over. Eddy uncontrollably laughs while Ed lays on the ground.]

Nat: "I'm sorry Ed I really am!" [She helps Ed up.]

Nat: [uncomfortable] "Um...I should go check on Double D." [She leaves.]

Eddy: "What'd I tell ya?"

Ed: "Hurry, Eddy!" [Ed runs around the corner, but is stopped and pulled back by Eddy.]

Eddy: "Quiet, Burrhead! We're not alone." [He points to Sarah and Jimmy.]

Ed: "No, we're not."

Eddy: "Yes we are. Double D made Sarah and Jimmy from a praying mantis and a stinkbug! Double D changed Rolf, too." [He and Ed look at the shepherd's son.] "Look at him! He's a picnic ant!"

Ed: "I smell chickens, Eddy." [A fly lands on his nose, and he goes to flick it off.]

Eddy: "Ed, don't! You almost squashed more of Double D's handiwork!"

Ed: "I must find the Lizardman, Eddy!"

[Ed runs off, dragging Eddy behind him.]

[Edd is in his garage, tending a complex experiment. Nat is watching him. Ed and Eddy look in.]

Eddy: "See? Now he's making a Cockroach Kid."

[Ed observes closely, especially in regards to the notes Edd makes. Every time something is scribbled down, Ed takes careful notice of what has been written.]

Edd: [noticing Ed's presence] "Ed. It's impolite to stare."

[Ed proceeds to sniff Edd's hat and arm before making a declaration.]

Ed: "He is not of this earth, Eddy!"

Edd: [confused] "What? Is it my breath?" [He goes in to brush his teeth.]

Nat: "Ed why are you acting this way?"

[Ed starts to approach Nat but she quickly backs away.]

Nat: "On second thought I'd rather not know." [She quickly goes inside.]

Ed: "I saw his tail!"

Eddy: [chuckling before he recovers himself] "His tail is dangerous. But watch out for the death rays he shoots from his eyes!" [He pretends to be stricken.] "Protect yourself. With this!" [He gives Ed a mirror.]

Ed: [to his reflection] "Hello, my name is Ed."

Eddy: "But be cautious! Who knows what evil he's plotting as we speak?"

[Edd is in his bathroom, brushing his teeth. Eddy kicks the door open.]

Ed: "Does he bite?"

[The lights flicker on and off. Eddy is controlling the light switch to unnerve Ed.]

Eddy: "He's attacking, Ed!" [Edd is heading towards them, mouth full of foam.] "Ed, the mirror! Use the mirror!"

[Ed sticks the mirror into Edd's mouth. Nat quickly enters the bathroom.]

Nat: "Ed what are you doing?!" 

Ed: "Run away, run away!" [He and Eddy exit the bathroom.] "We are doomed, Eddy!" [Ed is alone now.] "Eddy?"

Eddy: [offscreen] "ED, HELP! HE'S GOT ME!"

[Ed rushes around the corner to find Eddy's clothes in a heap on the floor.]

Ed: "No. Not Eddy. TAKE ME, LIZARDMAN!"

[Edd and Nat come out of the bathroom.]

Edd: "Why are Eddy's clothes lying on my floor? Is he running around naked again?"

Ed: "Surrender, Lizard-things!" [He grabs Edd and Nat.] "Give me the antidote!"

Nat: "What?"

Edd: "What antidote? Have you lost your–" [Ed drops them.]

Ed: "Am I the only human left? I am alone. I AM HUNGRY!" [He runs away.]

Edd: [chasing him] "Ed, wait! I can make you a sandwich!"

[Nat follows behind.]

[After his friends leave, Eddy peeks out from around another corner. He has folded his body up to fit in a bucket and crawls around with his fingers.]

Eddy: [mocking] "Ooh, I'm a bug! Help me, Ed!" [He laughs.] "What a sap!"

Ed: [leaving the house screaming] "Run away!"

Edd: "Ed, please! Soup is filling!" [He runs into Ed who has stopped as Nat runs into him. Ed pulls them up.]

Nazz: "Hi Ed, Nat and Double D. I'm having a barbecue this afternoon. Would you like to come?"

Edd: "I'd be delighted."

Nat: "Sure."

Nazz: "How about you, Ed? Lots of food."

Nat: "Come with us Ed."

Edd: "Yes, join us, Ed."

Nazz, Edd and Nat: "Join us, Ed. Join us, Ed. Join us, Ed."

Ed: "Okay, I give up! It's no fun being the last human! So can I be a bumblebee?"

[Nazz and Nat, confused, looks at Edd, who just shrugs.]

[Eddy is wiggling down the hall.]

Eddy: "Eddy, you're the man with the scam. You're the big–" [He has walked onto the stairs.] "Uh–"

[Eddy goes tumbling down the stairs.]

Ed: [outside] "So if I join you at the party, can I be a tarantula? Or maybe a salamander?"

Eddy: "Party? Wait!" [He tries to get out of the bucket.] "Hey! I'm stuck! Ed! Don't forget Cockroach Eddy!"

[A mosquito flies over Kevin and settles on his nose. Kevin, seeing this, flicks the bug onto a hot dog sizzling on a grill. He then spears the sausage.]

Kevin: "Who's up for a dog?" [A giant ham lands on the grill.]

Rolf: "Your puny wieners are no match for Rolf's hunger."

Kevin: "How long's this cook for?"

Rolf: [taking it off the grill] "Done."

Sarah: [at a picnic table] "Yummy! Hot dogs!"

Jimmy: [about to bite into a mustard-covered dog] "I love franks!" [He goes to eat, and the hot dog bounces off his retainer.] "Woe is me."

Jonny: [enjoying himself] "I can't take my eyes off Jimmy either, Plank!"

Edd: "Nat, have you seen Ed?" [Nat shakes her head. Ed's finger suddenly starts poking at Edd's head.]

Ed: "Buzz, buzz, buzz."

Edd: "Oh, hello Ed."

Ed: "I picked a mosquito, as I am ready to be transformed and join your colony."

[Nat makes a confused face.]

Sarah: "What an idiot."

Ed: "Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz." [He stops, hearing something.]

Eddy: [hiding around the side of the house] "Ed! C'mere, quick!"

Ed: "Eddy! You look good for a cockroach."

Eddy: "Knock it off, fleabrain! And get this bucket off!"

Ed: [picking Eddy up] "Let me take you to your people!"

Eddy: "Wait!"

Nazz: [approaching with a platter of drinks] "Hi Ed, would you like a–" [mistakes Eddy for an actual cockroach] "-BUG!"

Ed: [thinking the bug is on him] "Where? Get it off!"

Nazz: "Crush it!" [She swings the tray at Eddy, and Eddy lands on the grill in front of Rolf and Kevin.]

Rolf: "Look! Dessert!"

[Rolf tries to bean it with his ham, but he instead hits the barbeque and sends Eddy flying towards the house. The kids shout to squash the bug, and Eddy, seeing that things will get worse if he sticks around, goes through a basement window in order to hide.]

Jimmy: "What does it want?"

Rolf: "It took refuge in your cellar."

Kevin: "It was huge!"

Nazz: [as hysteria sets in] "Do something!"

Rolf: "Yes, good, for as Papa would say, the shoe is mightier than Mama's stuffed pepper." [He removes his right shoe.]

Ed: "But it's one of you!"

Rolf: "I don't know about you. Quickly, before it lays eggs!"

[Rolf opens the door to a completely dark cellar.]

Rolf: "Stay close, as it may try to crawl up your pant leg."

Jimmy: "I'm having a panic attack, Sarah!"

Sarah: "It's okay, Jimmy. You and I can stay here."

Rolf: "Yes, as you wish. Will there be any more crybabies?"

Jonny: "Plank has a tummyache!"

Ed: "Let the transformation begin!"

[The kids turn to stare at Ed, Nat shrugs and Edd grins nervously to apologize for his friend.]

Rolf: "Follow Rolf!"

Ed: "Follow Rolf!"

Jimmy: "Smack it once for me!"

[The party heads down the stairs.]

Rolf: "Stay together, for it may try to ambush you and suck out your marrow!"

Nat: "It's dark down here."

Edd: "Um, shouldn't we just find the light switch?" [The kids are being guided by Kevin's flashlight.]

[Cockroach Eddy skitters across the floor, seeking refuge. Rolf sniffs the air.]

Rolf: "Do you hear it? Kevin, shine your moonbox. There."

[Kevin complies, and slowly plays the light around the room. He stops between the heater and a desk. Eddy jumps out into the light and screams. He skitters away.]

Nazz: "It's so gross!"

Kevin: "There it goes!"

Rolf: "In honor of my ancestors!" [He dives behind the desk.] "Shaklaham!"

[Rolf proceeds to beat up the cockroach while the kids watch and listen.]

Ed: "Whoa, Rolf's pretty good for a picnic ant." [Edd finds the light switch and turns it on.]

Edd: "Much better."

Nat: "Thank you Double D."

[Rolf stops the beating and lifts up Eddy.]

Rolf: "This is no bug."

Nazz: "Is that...Eddy?"

Kevin: "Hit him again!"

Ed: [taking Eddy] "Double D transformed Eddy into a cockroach." [The kids turn to look at Edd.]

Edd: "I honestly haven't a clue!"

Kevin: "You got that right!" [He and the other kids leave.]

Edd: [to Nat] "Could you please help me out here?"

Eddy: "Forget about it! JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS BUCKET!"

Rolf: [just outside] "Are they from this planet?"

Kevin: [at the top of the stairs] "Nope. They're from the Land of the Dorks."

Edd: "Could someone please tell me what's going on?" [Kevin turns out the light.] "Well?"

Nat: "Anybody?"

Ed: "Basement."

Eddy: "Foot."

[Ed gags.]


	32. Ready, Set... Ed!

[Edd is turning a key in a wind-up toy.]

Edd: "Careful..."

Ed: "My turn!"

Edd: "Slowly..."

Ed: "My turn!"

Edd: "Careful..."

Ed: "My turn, my turn."

Edd: "Ready?" 

Nat: "Ready!"

[Edd takes the key out, and the toy–a mechanical monster–whirs off.] 

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "Ed, your toys are marvelous."

Ed: "And crafty."

Eddy: [reading in a chair] "Am I the only one who works around here?" [The monster gnaws its way through the chair.]

Ed: "Come to your master!"

Edd: "Listen to the mechanics of the gears, winding and churning!"

Eddy: "Yeah, like my stomach." [leaning over to look at its approach] "Hello, stupid wind-up toy."

[The monster grabs hold and drags Eddy onto the floor. When Eddy gets up, the monster has chewed a hole in the spot his stomach used to be.]

Ed: "Do you smell buttered toast?"

Eddy: "ED! Your stupid toy ate my breakfast!" [He sticks his arm through the hole before the toy knocks him onto his back.]

Ed: [as his toy circles him] "Stay back! Back! Do not mess with your master!" [The toy runs under his bed.] "Obey me."

[Ed crawls under the bed to find his toy. Crawling out the other side, toyless, he sees his legs on top of his bed and amuses himself by turning his body in circles around the mattress. When he loses his grip, he focuses on getting the toy.]

Eddy: "Go get it, Dr. Brow-enstein!"

Edd: [disgusted] "Did Ed...actually crawl underneath his bed?"

Nat: "Yes he did."

[Ed sticks his head through the center of the mattress and comes up clutching the toy.]

Ed: "Got it!" [The mattress tears, and five seagulls fly out.]

Nat: "You have birds?!"

Edd: "Ed! How can you live this way?! I can't breathe! I must have fresh air!"

[Edd throws open the window, and the seagulls make a beeline for it and head out into open air.]

Ed: "AAAH! Don't go! Penelope! Edmund! Nestor!"

Eddy: "I hate birds. They're so useless."

Ed: "AAAH! COME BACK!" [He hears laughter.] "Kids."

Eddy: "You're a whip, Ed."

[The kids are cheering as, in the lane, Kevin performs stunts on his bike.]

Kevin: "Check this out!" [He does a standstill wheelie.]

Nazz: "Go, Kevin! Go!"

[Kevin leaps into the air. He lands on the back tire and runs in place on it, moving the bike.]

Nazz: "Awesome!" [The spectators cheer.]

Rolf: "Awesome, I don't know, but very good, yes?"

Jimmy: "He's so confident! So serene!"

Eddy: "Kevin? Big deal! What's with this stuff, anyway?"

Rolf: "Kevin is breaking a world record."

Eddy: "World record? He's a hack! True records are set by professionals. Like Ed, Edd, Eddy" [pushing Jimmy out of the line on the fence so that the Eds and Nat sit next to each other] "And Nat."

Rolf: "I suppress my pain of laughter."

Kevin: "Don't worry about it, Rolf. Eddy just talks in Dorkinese."

[Kevin sails off a ramp and lands. He pedals furiously until he suddenly brakes, leaving a trail of dust, steam, and a tire smear.]

Sarah: "Yay!"

Jonny: "Oh boy!"

Jimmy: [reverently] "It's beautiful."

Ed: "Oh, way big."

Kevin: "Give it to me, Jonny."

Jonny: [marking the start with a tape measure] "Gol-ly! That's some skid mark, huh Plank?" [He measures it.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "It must be at least thirty-two feet in length!"

Jonny: "Thirty-two feet! A new record!"

Kevin: [triumphant] "Cool."

Eddy: "What? Now you're some kind of psychic yardstick?"

Rolf: "Let me congratulate you with a victory armpit rub."

Eddy: "So what! We could beat that."

Nat: "How?"

Ed: "If only we had a sack of potatoes."

Edd: "Potatoes wouldn't aid us in any way, Ed."

Kevin: [calling to the Eds and Nat] "Spare me, twerps. Why don't you show us what you got?"

Eddy: "No problem. We're pros! Just watch us."

Edd: "There he goes, involving us with his use of plural pronouns."

Nat: "Sounds like Eddy."

Ed: "This one's for you, Nestor." [He attempts to fly but crashes onto the ground.]

[A gigantic slide is set up. On top perch the Eds and Nat, balanced on a bike.]

Nat: "This doesn't feel safe."

Eddy: "Is everyone watching?"

Edd: "Well, duh Eddy, this contraption only takes up half of the cul-de-sac."

Eddy: [at first miffed, but then deciding to ignore it] "World record, here we come!"

Ed: "Plural pronoun!"

[The bike begins to slide backwards.]

Eddy: "Wha?"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear."

Ed: "Giddy-up!"

The Eds and Nat: [falling] "WRONG WAY!"

[The Eds and Nat and their bike land in a crumpled, mangled heap in a hole at the slide's base.]

Kevin: "Oh, you guys are good." [He and the rest of the assembly laugh.] "Real pros. How can I compete?"

Rolf: "My feet swell with joy."

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy."

[The kids leave.]

Edd: "Eddy, may I suggest something less physical? Like knitting!"

Nat: "We can knit sweaters! Or a blanket! Or a memory quilt!"

Eddy: [sarcastic] "Knitting? I can see it all now! We knit a big blanket! A huge blanket! Kevin would have to out-knit us!"

Edd: "That-that he would."

Ed: "I like blankets with little fringes and–"

Eddy: "NOT KNITTING!!! We move to Plan B. Knitting, please."

Nat: [disappointed] "Aww."

[Rolf hits the grass hard.]

Rolf: "Ya ya!" [He gets up and throws himself down again.] "How was that? Fifty-six body slams in a row."

Jonny: "And not a bead of sweat!"

Rolf: [to Kevin] "You are good, but I must tempt you with Rolf's record for...Unicycle Shenanigans." [He pulls a unicycle out of his pocket.]

Kevin: "Right, but don't count your chickens."

Rolf: "Why would I not count my chickens?"

[Sarah and Jimmy are hanging from the monkey bars.]

Sarah: "Chin-ups are an easy record, Jimmy."

[Kevin wheels over and snatches them from the bars.]

Kevin: "Half-pints, over easy!"

Rolf: [laughing] "Now spin them around like a sick goat!"

Nazz: [while Jonny laughs] "Rolf, you sure are Old World."

Eddy: [suddenly making the scene] "Ha ha ha, some record Kev. What's next? Pillow Fluffing? Yawn."

Kevin: [dropping his charges] "What are you dorking about now?"

Eddy: "The record just set by moi and my two engineers: The Fastest Trip Around the World! With a rocket car! That went so fast, the paint peeled off!"

Kevin: "Yeah, right. You don't have a rocket car."

Eddy: "Oh? Then how do you explain this baguette?" [He pulls out a loaf of French bread.] "I picked it up on a fuel stop in France. And I got this Chinese food in Chinaland." [He throws a container of Chinese food at Kevin.] "Record-breaking. Rocket car."

Kevin: [throwing the noodles on Eddy] "Alright, Moo-Goo-Gai-Dork." [He uses chopsticks to grab Eddy's nose.] "Let's see your rocket car." [He spins Eddy around and hurls the boy.]

Rolf: "Does it have shiny fins?"

Jimmy: "How fast does it go, Rocket Man?"

Kevin: [sarcastic] "Does it have knobs?"

Eddy: [pushing Kevin's face into the grass] "Come see for yourself! Just down the Lane."

Jonny: "Oh boy!"

Nazz: "Show us, Eddy!"

Kevin: "Right. Let's go."

Eddy: [as the kids cheer] "To the rocket car!"

Kevin: [pulling Eddy down] "Excellent idea."

Eddy: [throwing Kevin forward] "After you."

Kevin: [grabbing Eddy's wrist] "Please, lead the way." [He flips Eddy.]

Eddy: "Right this way!" [He knocks Kevin over.]

Kevin: "You first." [He grabs Eddy; the boys continue fighting off-screen.]

Eddy: "Watch your step."

Kevin: "Follow the yellow brick road."

Eddy: "Voulez-vous, and I do mean you."

[The Rocket Car stands in the middle of the lane. Its nose is a traffic cone, and the rest of the body is made of scrap metal. The wheels seem to have been taken from a wagon.]

Edd: "All done."

Nat: "Wow, it's so cool, Double D."

Edd: [blushing] "T-Thank you, Nat."

Ed: "Can we visit the planet of Baconmen and have the marrow sucked from our bones?"

Edd: "It's just a prop, Ed."

Ed: "It's too small."

Edd: "Small? Please, Ed! It's compact." [Eddy slides across the dirt.]

Kevin: [leaping on Eddy] "I insist!"

Eddy: "Ladies first!" [Kevin walks over to the car. The car is barely as tall as Kevin.]

Kevin: [clearly unimpressed] "This is a rocket car? Yeah, right. Is that a traffic cone?"

Eddy: "Uh, yeah, well–"

Ed: [his arms full of kids] "Ready for launch!" [He crams the kids into the car, which is indeed far too small.]

Edd: "Oh dear! It is too small!" [Ed uses a broom to push them in completely.]

Ed: "Room for one more!"

Kevin: "Touch me with that broom and I'll tear off your eyebrow."

Eddy: "Ready, Nat? Double D?"

Nat: "This is a bad idea."

Edd: "The success of this is slim to low–"

Eddy: "Okay, prepare to blast off!" [squeezing through the lifted cone] "Watch the head, big guy."

Ed: [slamming the cone] "Where?"

Kevin: "Where's the other dweebs?"

Eddy: "You wanna be cramped up with Ed's pits?"

[The kids all realize what horror this would be.]

Jonny: "No!"

Eddy: "Prepare for blastoff!" [pressing buttons] "Depending turbine thrusters. Shaving spark plugs. Contact!" [He pulls a hammer, which serves as a gearshift, into place.] "Fast, baby!" [The car begins to shake.]

Jimmy: "We're moving, Sarah!"

Eddy: "Don't blink. We're already passing through Scotland!"

Jimmy: "Look look! A man wearing a dress!"

[Out the window, Ed is in a kilt and playing the bagpipes.]

Eddy: "Now we're whizzing past Switzerland!"

Rolf: "I smell a goat!"

[Ed is in a goat suit, and Edd is in traditional Swiss garb. The backdrop they are running on is now mountainous.]

Rolf: "Yes, look. A find mate for Victor, yes? Hello!"

Eddy: "Get over it, Rolf."

[A popcorn maker is seen. It is making the car shake. The backdrop is a machine that rolls landscape scenery while Eddy's friends run in front in the traditional garb of the places indicated by the scenery.]

Nazz: "Look, Mexico. Let's tan!"

Ed: "I'm homesick." [He stops pretending to run. Kevin notices this, and his eyes narrow.]

Jonny: "Excuse me, pilot? Plank's feeling a little woozy."

Eddy: "Normal behavior, 'cause we're over the Specific ocean!"

[Edd and Nat are pretending to waterski. Suddenly Ed, dressed as a shark, menaces them.]

Jimmy: "Jiminy, a shark!"

[Kevin comes up to the duo. It is now apparent he has figured out the game.]

Eddy: "Do not fear. Hyperspeed!" [He pushes down a flush. In the back of the car, Jimmy is the only person still there. As he looks for his friends, Kevin reaches in and drags Jimmy out.] "There goes Egypt! Africa! Afghanistan!" [Kevin pushes Ed and Edd through the hatch. The duo are tied to each other and their mouths are gagged. Nat gets in the car to help them.]

Kevin: "Pop goes the Eddy!" [He pulls Eddy through the cone.]

Eddy: [giggling nervously] "Hi Kev." [Kevin comes back with a huge bag of uncooked popcorn.] "Kevin, uh, what are you doing?" [Kevin pours the kernels into the popcorn maker.] "Kevin? Please! Kevin! Can'tcha take a joke?"

[The car begins to vibrate furiously, Nat was able to free Edd and Ed.]

Edd: "Oh dear!"

[The kids laugh. The popcorn starts to pop, and corn explodes out, sending the car into the great wide open.]

[The car lands somewhere. This place is high above the ground.]

Ed: "Connecticut?"

[The Rocket Car is perched on top of the giant ramp the Eds and Nat built earlier.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Not good!"

[The car goes down the slide. At the bottom, it breaks open, a victim of actual high speed.]

Ed: "I think I swallowed a turtle."

Eddy: [dazed] "What country are we in?"

Edd: "We're home, Eddy. And we've broken everything but a record."

Nat: "Well at least we're ok."

Ed: "Can I wear a dress again?" [Eddy collapses as Ed lets out one last laugh.]


	33. Hands Across Ed

Jimmy: "Sarah!"

[Jimmy is being dragged across the yard, as if something is tugging on his retainer.]

Jimmy: "Aah!" [He hits a fence and is out like a light.] "What rotten luck."

Rolf: [staring at the searching brace] "Please tell Rolf his eyes do not lie. Hello?"

Kevin: "What?" [Slowly, a wrench forces itself out of his pocket and falls straight up.] "Hey!"

[The wrench is followed, in short order, by a bike pump and a radio.]

Rolf: "It is the curse of the sirens in the hungry tree!"

[Actually, it is the curse of the greedy Eds in a tree with a giant magnet.]

Eddy: "Where's the cash?"

Nat: "I don't see any."

Edd: "Strange, my electromagnet seems to be averse to certain metal alloys."

Ed: "Let's get funky!" [He turns the radio on.]

Nat: "No Ed!"

Eddy: "They'll hear us!"

Edd: "Ed, please, not now!" [He, Nat and Eddy furiously try to find a way to turn the radio off.]

Rolf: "The sirens call upon us!" [His gold horseshoe necklace levitates.] "We must do the belly bump, as it is the only way to please the tree!"

[Suddenly, Kevin's radio falls on Kevin's head.]

Rolf: "I am Rolf, son of a shepherd."

Ed: [playing with a cassette] "I can tie my shoes, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Looks like the knot in your head, Ed."

[Ed sticks his shoe out to show Eddy and kicks his friend off the tree. The magnet descends, hitting Rolf. Rolf is then hit by Eddy, Ed, Nat and finally Edd.]

Rolf: [confused] "Ed-boys and Nat-girl?"

Kevin: "Let's pound 'em, Rolf!"

Rolf: "Rolf is not amused, you...how you say...ducks?"

Kevin: "Dorks!"

Rolf: "Yes! That is what I said."

Kevin: "Nah, you said–"

Rolf: "Ducks! See, ducks!"

Eddy: [nervous] "Uh, Rolf! Kevin! Hate to interrupt, so–" [He and his friends run away.]

Kevin: "Get back here."

[The Eds and Nat run into the junkyard.]

Eddy: "Quick! Scatter!" [The Eds and Nat split up.]

Kevin: " A knuckle sandwich, eh Rolf?"

Rolf: "No thank you, I am not hungry."

Edd: [by a giant tire] "Oh dear. I deplore physical altercations. Hide, I must–" [Nat's hand takes his. Nat hauls Edd into the tire, where they hide along with Eddy.]

Rolf: "I think I saw the ducks run here!"

Kevin: [stopping by the tire] "Dorks Rolf, dorks."

Rolf: "Dorks do not quack, Kevin."

Kevin: "Whatever. Let's find them." [He and Rolf run off.]

Eddy: [standing up] "Suckers. Hey Ed! Ed! C'mon out, it's all clear!"

[Ed pops up from a pile of garbage wearing a ratty top hat.]

Ed: "Hi Eddy!"

Eddy: [snickering] "Nice hat, Ed."

Ed: "I'm fancy! Look at me." [He takes out an umbrella.] "Okay. A-one, and a-two, and a–"

[Ed dances around the umbrella, a stupid look on his face. Edd, Nat and Eddy laugh.]

Eddy: "Touch your toe to your nose!"

Ed: "Like this?"

[Ed takes off his shoe and presses his big toe to his nose.]

Eddy: "Good one, Ed! Now hop forward! Keep going!" [Ed hops off the edge of the platform.] "You gotta love him."

[Edd and Nat applaud.]

Edd: "Ed could be on TV, don't you think Nat?"

Nat: "Absolutely!"

Eddy: "It's all in the directing, Double D."

Ed: "Eddy is Mister Showbiz!"

Eddy: [angry] "I'll give you Mister–" [inspiration strikes] "–Showbiz! Big cash in showbiz."

Edd: "There's no business like it."

Eddy: "Lights. Camera. Bingo."

[The kids are playing in the lane.]

Nazz: "Look, guys!"

Jimmy: "Runaway rug!"

Sarah: "Look out!"

[A red carpet comes bounding down the lane, unfolding as it goes. When it's finished, Ed is shown filming Edd, Nat and Eddy.]

Nat: "Here we are on location with Renaissance man Mr. Eddy." 

Edd: Mr. Eddy, how about a scoop?"

Eddy: "Lemme tell ya, I'll be hosting and directing the cul-de-sac's first ever–"

[Jonny shoves his head in front of the camera.]

Eddy: "Uh... Hey Jonny. Use it or lose it." [He pushes Jonny out of the way.] "First-ever TV show! It'll have glitz, tinsel, and TV cameras!"

Kevin: "Glitz?"

Sarah: "Tinsel?"

Jimmy: "TV cameras!"

Ed: "Makeup." [He turns the camera to tape the kids.]

Jimmy: "I'm on TV!"

Sarah: "Hi Mom!"

Jonny: "Smile, Plank!"

Rolf: "Hello Victor!"

Jimmy: "See me, television land?"

Kevin: [camera pointed at his legs] "Hey, I'm up here, ya–"

Nazz: "Hey, I'm Nazz."

Eddy: "Cut. Save the film for the big stars, Ed."

Edd: "Care to name-drop, Mr. Eddy?"

Eddy: "Can't talk about it. Legal stuff. But I'll be holding auditions for local talent."

Nat: "Now that's entertainment."

Jonny: "Let's rehearse, Plank."

Jimmy: "I'll be famous."

[The kids, with the exception of Kevin, cheer and run off to practice.]

Kevin: "Here's my audition." [He blows a raspberry.] "Losers!" [He leaves.]

Eddy: "Prima donna. After our show, we'll be rolling in jawbreakers!"

Ed: "Rolling, Mr. Eddy!" [He rolls up the carpet.]

[Edd is shining a spotlight on Jonny and Plank] 

Nat: "Auditioning: Jonny Two By Four and Plank."

Eddy: "Anytime you're ready, kid."

Jonny: "Plank tells jokes! Knock 'em dead, buddy."

Plank:

[Jonny laughs.]

Jonny: "Oh that's a good one! You're killing me!" [Ed laughs with him.]

Eddy: "Next!" [Jonny doesn't move.] "C'mon, we don't have all day."

Nazz: "Hi guys. I'm here to audition!"

[Nazz has with her a tuba. Ed and Eddy start to sweat, amazed by her beauty. Nazz puts her mouth to the tuba and blows a horrendous note. The note sounds like ten cars all at once blew their horns at one another.]

Edd: "Oh...bravo."

Nazz: "That was fun!"

Eddy: "Sign her up, Double D!"

Edd: [whispering] "Sign her up? Nazz single-handedly annihilated all that is music!"

Eddy: [dreamily] "Yeah."

Rolf: "Hello? I will be performing my country's traditional 'Dance of the Hairless Otter.'"

Eddy: [before Rolf can start] "Next!" [whispering to Edd] "There's no budget for subtitles."

Sarah: [obnoxiously] "Ready!"

Eddy: "Who invited them? Okay, c'mon, c'mon, time is money."

[Jimmy twangs his retainer while Sarah begins to dance.]

Ed: "I've got gourd stuck in my teeth."

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy!" [She begins to twang a banjo and sing while she dances to Jimmy's beat.]

Eddy: "Stop the music!" [He pulls Jimmy away.] "See the star on that door? That's for stars! And you're a star, baby! Lose the amateur, and you'll be a household product."

[Jimmy looks back and forth from the door with a star to Sarah.]

Jimmy: "I wanna be a star!"

Sarah: "Hey!"

Eddy: "AUDITIONS ARE CLOSED!" [Sarah sticks her pinky in her ear.]

[Sarah, Jonny, Plank, Rolf, and Kevin are sitting on a bench, waiting for the show to begin.]

Kevin: "De-ja vu."

[The curtains rise, and Eddy leaps onto a table placed onstage.]

Eddy: "Hello, and welcome to the first ever Ed telethon! We've got loads of talent, and our operators are standing by to take your money!" [A spotlight shines on Edd and Nat, who is standing by a phone.] "I mean, pledges. Yes, it's all about raising money for Ed's eyebrow operation."

Kevin: "Aw, here we go."

Eddy: [mournfully] "Find it in your hearts to give and help us reach our goal." [The goal is $5.00.]

Eddy: "Without your pledges, Ed's eyebrow could spread all over his body." [to Ed] "Body, stupid, body!"

Ed: "Oh yeah." [He lifts his shirt to reveal a fake mustache has been placed on his belly.]

Eddy: "Oh no! It's started!"

Rolf: "Did you see it move?"

Jonny: [tearfully] "Who knew?"

Eddy: "Okay, let's start the show."

Kevin: "It's about time!"

Eddy: "Please, give it up for that tuba diva, Nazz!"

[The kids cheer, and Nazz bows. When she does this, the tuba moves to catch Eddy in its horn.]

Nazz: "Thanks, guys!" [She straightens up, revealing that Eddy is stuck in the horn.]

Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!"

[Nazz blows a note more horrendous than the one she blew at the audition. Eddy comes unstuck and flies through the air, propelled by the force of the air escaping Nazz's body.]

Ed: "Nazz is good." [Eddy lands.]

Nazz: "You okay, Eddy? We should jam sometime!" [Eddy tries to speak, but his tongue becomes a knot.]

Kevin: "Whassa matter, dork? Can't talk to girls?" [The kids laugh.]

Eddy: "Let's go to the phones!" [Edd and Nat stands by the phone.] "Ed."

[Ed hustles backstage.]

Edd: "A phone call should come up anytime."

Kevin: [heckling] "Like my lunch!" [A wave of laughter greets this remark.]

Eddy: "And now, ladies & germs, Mr. Magic himself, the great Jimbo!" [Jimmy does not appear onstage.]

Sarah: "Yay!"

Jonny: "Yay!"

Kevin: "Snoresville."

Rolf: "Amaze me."

Edd: [beckoning to Jimmy] "Hurry Jimmy please!"

Jimmy: [worried about his wardrobe] "My feather! It won't stay up! It's limp!"

Eddy: [conferencing with Edd] "Where's Jimmy?"

Edd: "A plume predicament."

The Kids: [cheering] "Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy!"

Eddy: "Get out there, and stall them!" [He pushes Edd into the spotlight.]

Kevin: "Hey, look! Jimmy turned himself into a dork!"

Edd: [struck with stage fright] "Oh dear. There go the lights."

[Edd collapses while Nat drags him off.]

Kevin: "This show heaves!"

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: "A pledge!" [picking up the phone] "Ed telethon."

Ed: [hunting in a fridge] "Eddy, do you keep donations in the fridge?" [Eddy hangs up angrily.]

Sarah: "Yay, Jimmy!" [Jimmy has finally appeared onstage.]

Jimmy: "For my first trick, I will make a flower magically bloom from a pot of soil. Say the magic words! Bubbly bubbly boo." [The flowers bloom from inside his shirt.] "Huh?"

Eddy: "Oh, he's laying an egg!"

Jimmy: "Could I get a volunteer, please?"

[Jonny and Sarah both indicate they'd like to be picked.]

Jimmy: "Okay, Sar–"

Rolf: "Prove to Rolf your powers are true!"

Kevin: "Thataboy, Rolf!"

Jimmy: "I will now saw Rolf in–" [The box falls apart, much to his consternation and Kevin's enjoyment.]

Kevin: "My gut's killing me!"

Jimmy: "But I'm a star." [He runs offstage. On the way, he trips on the microphone wire and runs into the pledge board.]

Sarah: [worried] "Jimmy?"

Kevin: "C'mon, who's on deck?"

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: [picking it up] "Ed telethon."

Ed: [from a hole he dug in Eddy's living room floor] "Are donations bigger than a breadbox?"

[Eddy slams the phone down.]

Kevin: "This telethon stinks!"

Rolf: "Ya, I smell it!"

Eddy: "Yeah? Well you're a–"

Kevin: [mocking Eddy] "Ooh, welcome to the Dork telethon. I'm your twerp host Eddy. Won't you please help my poor hairy friend?"

Rolf: "Ya, please help me, for my eyebrow is growing like a garden weed!"

[The kids all laugh.]

Rolf: "Let us do our own show!"

Kevin: "Good idea, Rolf."

Rolf: "Bye bye, Ed-boys!"

Jonny: "Wait up, guys!" [The audience leaves.]

Eddy: "They stole our audience, Nat and Double D!"

Nat: "I'm sorry Eddy."

Edd: "The bigger you are, the harder you fall."

Ed: [a colander on his head] "Is this a donation?"

Eddy: "Ed's big." [He leaps on Ed.]

[Jonny, Nazz, Sarah, and a heavily bandaged Jimmy are laughing at the show being put on in front of them.]

Rolf: [howling] "I'm the hairless otter, and I must eat chickens!"

Kevin: [with a broom and a pillow in his shirt] "Hey, you bag of flesh!" [Rolf howls.] "Let's dance! Kerpow!"

Rolf: [pretending to be wounded] "Oh! Oh, my otter heart! It has been struck. Ah ha! You missed, Reconnaissance Kevin!"

Kevin: "Stupid broom!" [Rolf clamps his jaw around Kevin.] "Ah! I'm otter bait!"

[The kids cheer and then throw coins at the performers. Rolf and Kevin thank them. The Eds and Nat peer over a fence.]

Eddy: "That's our money they're throwing!"

Ed: "Can I go over and watch?"

Eddy: "Why bother? They'll be coming to us." [The Eds and Nat duck below the fence. Reappearing with the giant magnet] "Hey, Romeo and Juliet! Who's laughing now? Full power, Double D!"

Edd: "Powering up, Eddy!"

Ed: "It floats."

[The magnet suddenly turns around and drags them to a dumpster. They hang there, stuck to its surface.]

Eddy: "Double D?"

Edd: "Silly me, it appears I put the batteries in backwards."

Nat: "Common mistake."

Eddy: "You sure haven't been on the ball lately, huh, Double D?" [The dumpster lid pitches forward, closing.]

Ed: "Kinda funky, huh guys and girl?"


	34. Floss Your Ed

Eddy: [throwing some doors open] "Howdy! I'm King Triton! And welcome to Ed and Nat's Sea Adventure!" [Jonny stands at the entrance.] "Ready for adventure?" [Jonny smiles.] "C'mon, Jonny! Behold."

Ed: "Ahoy, landlubber. I am Barnacle Ed. For a lousy twenty-five cents, jump on my back and ride a barnacle."

Jonny: [leaping on] "Wa-hoo-hoo! Let me have it!"

Ed: "Barnacle!" [He bucks Jonny into the air. Eddy turns on a hose, and a stream of water pushes Jonny onwards.]

Edd: "Lobster claws are so uncomfortable!" 

Nat: "Try moving in a mermaid tail."

[Jonny enters the funnel Edd is holding. He travels along the hose until he enters a water cooler.]

Jonny: "We've been pickled, Plank!" [He laughs.]

Eddy: "Only at Ed and Nat's Sea Adventure!" [He spins the container.]

Jonny: "Wooohowoohowoohohoo!"

Eddy: [letting Jonny out] "Y'all come back now. That'll be twenty-five cents."

Jonny: "All I have is coconuts." [to Ed, Nat and Edd] "Help yourselves!" [He gives them each a coconut.] "Thanks, King Triton! Me and Plank had a blast!" [He shakes Eddy's hand. Eddy looks at the coconut, miffed, then throws it away and goes after Jonny.]

Eddy: "Oh Jonny boy."

Ed: [staring at his and Eddy's coconuts] "Can I shave them?"

Edd: "Dear Ed. You don't shave coconuts. You eat them!"

Ed: "Like report cards?"

[Without waiting for a reply, Ed throws the coconuts into the air and opens his mouth. The first one hits his head and bounces off. Undaunted, Ed just stretches his mouth wider. When the second coconut comes down, he clamps down upon it and is immediately greeted by a burst of pain.]

Nat: "Ed what's wrong?"

Edd: "Are you all right, Ed? You look as though you're in pain."

Ed: [spitting the coconut out] "Ow! My tooth hurts! For real."

Eddy: "You just wanna wear this beard, don'tcha?"

Edd: "I suggest an examination of this culprit cuspid."

Nat: "Good idea."

[Edd looks in on Ed's teeth. One of them is decidedly wobbly. He touches the tooth, and Ed screams.]

Edd: "You're losing your last baby tooth, Ed. Why, the tooth fairy will–"

Eddy: "Pay big bucks for this tooth!" [He tries to yank it out of Ed's mouth. Ed clamps down on Eddy's hand.]

Ed: "Don't touch it."

Eddy: "Let go, Ed." [He strains and eventually manages to break free of Ed.]

Ed: "Ow."

Edd: "Eddy, please! You can't tamper with Ed's natural growth patterns." [He scratches Ed on the head.]

Ed: "Meow."

Eddy: [whistles] "Oh, Ed. Ed. Look what I've got." [On the fence a few feet away is a poorly painted jawbreaker with "Ed" written on it. The paint is still wet and it is dripping.] "A jawbreaker." [Pulls out a paintbrush dripping in paint.] "See? All for you. Uh..." [Sees the paintbrush he pulled out.]

Edd: "Eddy!" [Eddy discards the paintbrush he had.] "You have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool someone with that old trick."

Ed: "Jawbreaker! Yum yum yum!" [He gallops towards the fence.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Ed, no wait!"

[Ed hits the fence with so much force that numerous boards to either side topple.]

Ed: "Whoa!"

Edd: "Puleah!"

Eddy: "Huh? Wha-?"

[Ed sucks the paint off and backs away. When he does, Edd falls out of the boy's mouth and slides down the fence.]

Edd: [deep gasp] "I've been violated!"

[Nat helps Edd up and hand him a napkin.]

Ed: "Yowch! My tooth sore."

Eddy: "Where'd the tooth go? Did it roll under here? It's still in your mouth! But barely. C'mon, baby, c'mon..." [He jerks Ed's head up and down to try and shake the tooth loose.]

Edd: "Oh, that was brilliant, Eddy. I bet you were up all night thinking up that plan. The itinerary of dental growth is carved in stone and–"

Eddy: "Hey Double D!" [pointing to an anthill] "Is that an anthill?"

Edd: "Why yes it is! A fine specimen at that! Nimble, quick! Spritely, inspired!"

Eddy: "Hey Nat! Is that a caterpillar?"

Nat: "Really?! Where?!" [She sees the caterpillar and picks it up.] "Oh it's so beautiful!"

[Eddy steals Ed away.] Ed and Eddy are wearing boxing gloves. Eddy's are on normally, but Ed has his right glove on his head.]

Eddy: "Okay, let's go." [adjusting Ed's head] "Hang on. Say 'Whiplash!'"

Ed: "Hi Mom!"

Edd: "Ed!" [Ed straightens up as Eddy swings, and Eddy hits himself in the face.] "You need to protect that tooth."

Ed: "Aw, I was just playing with Eddy." [He swings his left arm and hits Eddy in the face. Eddy's glove falls off, and Ed bends to pick it up. In doing so, his left arm hits Edd. When Ed stands up to give the glove to Eddy, Eddy gets hit again.] "Eddy! You dropped your glove!"

[Nat suddenly shows up.]

Nat: "What happened?"

Eddy: "This is tougher than I thought."

[Eddy is plastering the fences of the lane with signs that say "Wanted: Ed's Tooth." Rolf and Kevin come along.]

Kevin: "I smell something, Rolf."

Eddy: "That's the smell of money, Kevin."

Rolf: "No, that is the smell of Mama boiling the fat from Papa's undershirts."

Eddy: "I'm offering a tooth reward."

Sarah: "EDDY!!! Have you seen Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Is that you, Sarah? Help! Help!" [Jimmy is plastered under one of the posters.]

Sarah: "I'll help you, Jimmy!" [She pulls Jimmy out.]

Jimmy: "There's a bright light, Sarah. Someone's calling me. Mmm, cookies."

Sarah: "Eddy! What's with these posters, anyway?!?"

Eddy: "I'm trading the tooth fairy." [to Kevin] "Ed's tooth–for cash."

Kevin: "Tooth fairy, schmooth fairy. Big deal."

Eddy: [pretending to consider something] "Deal? Okay. How's about 10 percent of the take?"

Rolf: "10% is not very humid for a hot day."

Kevin: "Thirty-five."

Sarah: "Fifty!"

Eddy: "Fifty? That's almost half!"

Kevin: "Take it or leave it."

[Eddy looks around at the group and decides not to try and negotiate further.]

Eddy: "Okay, okay, get off my back!"

[Ed holds up a cinder block and bites into it. The pain hits him instantly.]

Ed: [muffled] "Ow! Tooth!"

Nat: "You can't eat that Ed."

Edd: "Ed, you really must try to eat softer, um, food."

Rolf: [poking his head around a corner] "Yes, like butter, Ed boy."

Edd: [horrified] "Plain butter?"

Rolf: "Listen to me, stuck-in-the-rut Ed-boy. When churned by Rolf, it is better than you."

Ed: "I am sleepy." [Rolf pushes a plunger against Ed's face.]

Edd: "Oh dear." 

Nat: "Rolf, what are you doing?"

Rolf: [plunging Ed's mouth] "Behold the power of churning butter!"

Edd: "With a plunger?"

Rolf: "Ho ho!" [He plunges furiously.]

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Rolf!" [when Edd glares and Nat crosses her arms at him.] "Rolf's so confused." [He grins innocently.]

Rolf: "C'mon, you!" [He continues until the stick comes free of the rubber. He climbs out of a trash bin with the wood stuck through his ears, going in one ear and coming out the other.]

Eddy: [looking on the ground for the tooth] "Didja get it? Where's the tooth? Tooth tooth tooth."

Rolf: "Rolf cannot hear one peep!"

Ed: [plunger rubber stuck to his face] "My tooth hurts!"

[Ed has a skipping rope tied to his tooth. He sighs in comfort as Sarah twirls the rope and Jimmy jumps.]

Jimmy: "One teeth, two teeth, red teeth, blue teeth."

Nat: "Um Ed."

Edd: "Isn't that uncomfortable for your tooth?"

Ed: "No way, Double D! Sarah says nothing soothes pain like a nylon rope."

Sarah: "Anything for you, gullible big brother." [She passes the line over a tree branch and pulls on it.] "Whee!"

[Ed is stuck hanging by his loose tooth.]

Ed: "Soothing gone! Tooth hurt!" [Eddy laughs uproariously before recovering himself.]

Eddy: "Oh, boy it pains me to see Ed hurt like that."

Edd: "Help him, Eddy." [cynical] "As only you can."

Eddy: "Double D's so gullible. Gimme the tooth, Ed!" [He yanks Ed down. Sarah flies up and falls.]

Jimmy: "Sarah!"

Eddy: [looking in Ed's mouth] "Whatzit, glued in there?"

Sarah: [angry] "Eddy you idiot, forget the deal! Come on, Jimmy."

Edd: "Your impatience in extracting Ed's tooth is really unnecessary! Patience is a virtue!"

Eddy: "Honestly, Double D, I don't know what you're talking about."

Nat: "Eddy please listen to him."

[A piece of buttered toast attached to a fishing line lands near the three friends.]

Ed: "Buttered toast!" [He dives for it, and the toast moves. He does this many more times before his teeth finally sink into the bread.]

Kevin: [holding a fishing rod] "Moby Dork is mine!"

Nat: "Kevin?"

Edd: "How on earth did you enlist Kevin as an associate to your scam?"

Eddy: "Say what?"

[Ed fights to stay free, while Kevin struggles to capture him.]

Rolf: "He is stubborn like an ingrown back hair!"

[Kevin struggles just to stay planted, and Rolf helps.]

Rolf: "Follow Rolf!"

Kevin: "Dork!" [He moves backwards.] "Incoming!"

Rolf: [as Ed drags them forward] "Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft!"

Nat: "Boy Eddy your plan is brilliant."

Edd: "Soon we will have Ed's tooth, and the money will be ours."

Eddy: "Yeah. In Jawbreaker City!"

Edd and Nat: "Gotcha."

Kevin: "Dork! Man, what a die-hard."

Eddy: "C'mon, what's takin' ya?" [He helps them pull.]

[Ed clings to a sturdy tree, using it as refuge. The trunk begins to bend. Finally, the tree snaps, and Ed goes flying into Kevin, Rolf, Edd, Nat and Eddy. The line trails out of his mouth.]

Eddy: [popping out of the pile] "Hello!" [He's spotted a lost tooth.] "Isn't it beautiful? Tooth fairy's gonna pay big for this."

[Kevin and Rolf look at the tooth and laugh. Ed, Nat and Edd look mortified.]

Eddy: "What's so funny?"

Nat: "Um Eddy."

Edd: "That's your tooth." [Eddy has indeed lost a tooth.]

Eddy: [recovering from a brief spout of humiliation] "Ah, so what? Since it's my tooth, I get to keep all the money. The deal's off, Captain Ahab!"

Kevin: "Boy, how unlike a dork. I'm outta here. Sheesh."

Rolf: "Kevin? Let me re-sole your shoes."

Edd: "You do see the irony, don't you?"

Eddy: "Uh, the one where we forget about Ed's tooth and cash in mine?"

Edd: "Here's the overview, Eddy. The tooth fairy only appears at night, when you're asleep. And the candy store closes in half an hour."

Eddy: "So? If it's sleeping she wants, it's sleeping she gets." [He drags Ed away.]

Edd: "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Nat: "Not that I know of."

[The roof of Eddy's house is set up like a landing strip.]

Recording: "The White zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only."

Eddy: [scanning the sky] "I don't see her."

Ed: [sitting up in Eddy's bed] "That's 'cause you can't see her! Right, Double D?"

Edd: "Very well put, Ed." [Ed smiles proudly.]

Eddy: [holding up the tooth] "Oh tooth fairy! See what I got?"

Ed: "I wish I had a tail!"

Eddy: "Go back to sleep." [He jumps on the bed, and the bed slides towards the edge of the roof.] "Ed!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear." [Eddy grabs both Edd and Nat, and the four head for the edge of the roof.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Not cool! Not cool!" [They are hanging onto Ed's legs. Ed, in turn, is hanging by his loose tooth from the gutter.]

Eddy: "What happened to my tooth?!"

Ed: [holding it up] "I got it, Eddy, no problem!"

[Ed's tooth comes out all the way. The Eds and Nat fall. On the way down, Ed lets go of Eddy's tooth, and it lands in the gutter beside his lost tooth. The Eds and Nat land in Eddy's broken bed.]

Ed: "Ahh. No more sore tooth."

Eddy: [staring at the teeth] "Real smooth, Ed! My tooth's stuck on the roof! Hmm?"

[Eddy realizes, with a jolt, that the pile of leaves in which the teeth are perched are moving towards the drainpipe. At the base of the pipe stands Ed, who is sucking the leaves in.]

[Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Edd: "Oh my." [He begins turning green.]

Eddy: [chuckling] "You're an animal, Ed."

[With one last mighty suck, the leaf pile finds its way into Ed's mouth. Ed begins chewing the dead shrubbery.]

Ed: "Chunky!"

Eddy: "Cough up the teeth, big Ed!"

Ed: "One moment, sir."

Edd: "PLEASE! Ed, don't talk with your mouth full."

[Ed swallows the entire mouthful.]

Ed: "I'm stuffed."

Eddy: [angry] "Like your head! No teeth, means no cash! And no cash, means no jawbreakers!"

Nat: "The candy store's closed anyway."

[Eddy stuffs the drainpipe onto Ed's head.]

Eddy: [in despair] "I look like a hockey player!"

Ed: [pulling his head out of the pipe] "Cinder shot! Barnacle Ed's the name."

Eddy: "You're a bug." [Eddy slaps Ed, and Ed, Nat and Edd begin laughing.] "Cheer up, Ed."


	35. In Like Ed

Ed: [holding a car door] "Va-room, vroom vroom, rrrrr. Va-room, vroom vroom beep beep! Reet! Beep beep! Reet! Va-room, beep beep, rrrrr. Reet! Delivery, mister?"

Eddy: "Did you eat breakfast this morning, Ed?" [taking a blender out of a box] "Here. Give it to Double D to put on the table."

Ed: "Service is my middle toe. Check please."

Eddy: "Should've ate breakfast, Ed."

Edd: [with a toy duck] "Seems to be in fine condition. Ten cents, a fair asking price."

Nat: "It's really nice of you to give away your stuff Double D."

Edd: "Thank you Nat, that is the purpose of a garage sale."

Nat: "I wish I had money to buy something."

[Edd rummages through a box and pulls something out.]

Edd: "Here Nat."

Nat: "What's this?"

Edd: "It's a glow stick, It provides light when you are unable to see in darkness."

Nat: "Cool!" [She notices a button on it] "What's this button for?"

Edd: "Go ahead, press it."

[Nat presses the button and a hook comes out.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "It's called a grappling hook, It allows you to travel above ground."

Nat: "This is incredible!"

Edd: "You may keep it, free of charge."

Nat: "How can I ever repay you?"

Edd: "All I ask is that you take care it."

Nat: "Thank you Double D!"

[Nat hugs Edd which causes him to smile and blush.]

Eddy: "Hey Romeo and Juliet! We got a job to do remember?"

[Nat let's go of Edd.]

Eddy: "This cool helmet ought to bring in–"

Ed: [running by with the car door] "Va-room!"

Eddy: "Quit fooling around, Ed!"

Ed: [stopping] "It's for my table, Eddy." [he throws it on an overweighted table] "Car door, only five cents. Dad's canoe, twenty cents. Mom's dryer, fifteen cents." [He tosses the items on the table.] "No price will be refused at Honest Ed's!" [Ed picks up the table everything is balanced on.] "Table, five cents. Oops." [the pile starts to collapse] "London bridge is falling!"

[The pile of goods falls on Ed. When Ed gets up, he has a vase and a bow in his mouth. He uses the bow to shoot the vase, which hits Eddy on the back of the head.]

Ed: [picking up a badminton racquet and shooting it with the bow] "Café au lait!"

Eddy: [dazed] "What day is it?"

Edd: "Why, it's garage sale day, Eddy! And I've just finished pricing my merchandise."

Nat: "What do you think Eddy?"

Eddy: [looking at prices] "Five cents for skates? Two cents for a stack of comics? What are ya? Up the ante, Double D! I'm charging fifty bucks for this baby." [He holds up the helmet.]

Edd: "Fifty dollars? Eddy, the thinking behind a garage sale is to recycle one's unwanted items at a fair and economical price!"

Eddy: "My stuff ain't 'economical'. They're deluxe, one-of-a-kind items."

Edd: [picking a picture up] "Your school photo? Eddy, please. This is hardly collectable."

Ed: "More junk!" [He grabs Eddy and puts him in the bow.]

Eddy: "No! Wait, Ed!"

[Ed draws back the string and fires. Eddy flies through the garage door onto the driveway.]

Sarah: "Coochie coochie coo!" [She taps him on the forehead with a rolling pin.]

Eddy: "Hey hey hey!"

Sarah: "You're right, Jimmy. He's still breathing." [Jimmy has a blender with him.]

Jimmy: "Too bad. Let's make some three-berry slushies, Sarah."

Eddy: [snatching the blender] "Gimme that! You gotta pay for it first, Jim-" [He gets hit with the blender by Sarah.]

Sarah: "He did, smarty-pants!"

Jimmy: "I got it at Kevin's garage sale for a nickel."

[Kevin is hosting a sale as well. A banner hung on his garage reads "Better than Eddy's Garage Sale."]

Nat: "How convenient."

Edd: "Well, it seems Kevin's giving us some healthy competition, Eddy." [Eddy becomes boiling mad.]

Rolf: [haggling] "No more than one."

Kevin: "No less than four!"

Rolf: "Then one turnip and two carrots or I walk."

Kevin: "Throw in twenty bucks and it's yours."

Rolf: "This is good. But you are bad, as Rolf would have gone as high as five turnips. You are so weak."

Eddy: [amazed] "Kevin just scored twenty bucks."

Jonny: [selecting a fork] "How much is this, Kevin?"

Kevin: [eating a carrot] "Fifty cents, take it or leave it."

Jonny: "Okay." [He drops two quarters into Kevin's palm.]

Kevin: "Doesn't Plank want one too?"

Jonny: "How'd you know?"

Eddy: "How did he know?" [His friends shrug.]

Edd: "I'm not sure! Could be an instinct."

Ed: "I smell it too." [Edd glares at him.]

Eddy: "He knows too much. Something's fishy."

Nat: "Or just a coincidence?"

Kevin: [counting his money and laughing] "See you at the candy store, Dork, Dorkk, Dorky and Nat!"

[Ed comes up to Kevin, a question on his lips.]

Ed: "Uh, Kevin?"

Kevin: [grasping Ed's lips] "Sheepskin seat covers."

Ed: "Wow. He knew what I was gonna say!"

Eddy: "See? He's got inside information! He knows more than you, Double D!"

Edd: [angry] "Oh. Really? Shall we investigate?" [He exits to the right.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Ed: "Double D's got a plan, Eddy!"

Eddy: "But that's my schtick."

Edd: [punching in a code] "I've created a few top-secret devices in order to scrutinize Kevin's master plan." [A secret door opens, revealing a hidden closet.]

Nat: "Wow."

Eddy: "Cool."

Ed: "Whoa."

Edd: "Let's see now. Behold!" [He pulls out a broom.]

Eddy: "It's a mop. So what?"

Edd: "This covert household utensil contains a tiny radio transmitter and–"

Eddy: "Yawn."

Edd: "Well then, how 'bout...a bucket that holds a tape recorder hidden in the false bottom? See?"

Nat: "Cool!"

Eddy: "Quit holding out, Double D." [He rummages through the closet.] "Where's the smokescreens, oil slicks, or laser watches?"

Edd: "Um I–"

Ed: "Um, Double D?" [holding a clothes hanger] "What's this do?"

Edd: "That's just a coathanger, Ed."

Ed: "Oh. Mum's the word."

Eddy: "Wait a minute." [pulling out what looks like a jawbreaker] "I found a jawbreaker!"

Edd: "Eddy, stop, no!" [He yanks the sphere away before Eddy can eat it, though Eddy breaks his teeth upon biting.] "It may look like a jawbreaker, but it's really a baking-powder vapor barrier for quick escapes! Why, just one lick–"

Ed: "Bananas!" [He has a jet pack.]

Eddy: "Wow! Gimme that! A jet pack!"

Edd: "Please, Eddy, I'm still testing it!"

Eddy: [starting it up] "Woohoo! Works fine, Double D!"

Edd: "Oh dear, Eddy–" [Eddy takes off.] "But we still need to pick code names, Eddy!"

Nat: "What will mine be?"

Edd: [blushing] "M-May I suggest Turtledove?"

Nat: "Aw that's perfect!"

Ed: [holding the coathanger's tip in his hand] "I am The Claw, and The Claw wishes to fly too!"

[Ed's claw grabs Eddy's shirt, yanking him off the pack. The jetpack flies through the door uncontrolled.]

Eddy: "Nice one, Ed."

Ed: "Thanks, Eddy!"

Edd: [downhearted] "All that hard work." [A buzzer sounds.] "It's the Kevin motion alert! We're receiving a transmission!"

Eddy: "What's he holding? Zoom! Zoom in, zoom in! Where'd you hide the camera?"

Ed: "Only the Claw knows."

[The camera is hidden in plain sight. It is on Kevin's lawn, pointed directly at his front door. As an extra precaution, Ed has taped a twig to the side of the camera to help disguise it.]

Kevin: "Huh? Dorks!" [He turns the camera off.]

Edd: "We've lost visual contact! We'll need to switch to field surveillance, Eddy. I'll explain on the way."

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Ed: "The Claw is needed!"

Eddy: "Get going! You almost poked me in the head with that stupid thing."

[Kevin walks down the street, carrying a gift-wrapped box. He passes by Eddy, who is reading a newspaper. Soon after he passes, Eddy falls over, revealing himself as a cardboard standee. The real Eddy then peeks out from behind a lamppost.]

Eddy: [communicating via walkie-talkie] "Loudmouth to the Projector. Do you read me?"

Edd: "The Professor, Eddy! I'm the Professor?"

Eddy: "Whatever. Bigchin has made contact."

[Kevin now stands in someone's driveway and is talking to Rolf. Rolf is carrying a giant sausage as a present.]

Kevin: [laughs]

Rolf: "Ya, in one sitting!"

Kevin: "Oh ho, you're sick, man."

Eddy: "Loudmouth to the Professor. Where's Turtleneck?"

Edd: "Her name is TurtleDOVE!"

Eddy: "Whatever can you reach her or not?"

[To Edd.]

Edd: "The Professor to Turtledove. Do you read me?"

[To Nat.]

Nat: [communicating via earpiece] "Turtledove to The Professor I read you is everything ok?"

Edd: "Yes everything is fine."

Nat: "Good."

[Back to Edd.]

Edd: "The Professor to Loudmouth. Turtledove is present."

Eddy: "Good. Bigchin is on the move."

Edd: "Copy that, Loudmouth." [Kevin and Rolf continue, passing by Edd. They suddenly stop.]

Kevin: "Huh? I think Ed found his calling in life, huh Rolf?"

[Ed is pretending to be a birdbath.]

Rolf: "Ed-boy reminds me to water my yams."

Kevin: "Yams. Good one."

Rolf: "This is no joke."

Kevin: "You're killing me!"

[Kevin and Rolf arrive at a green house. Kevin rings the doorbell, and the door opens.]

Rolf: "Hello! Direct me to your music box!"

[Rolf and Kevin enter. Sarah sticks her head out and looks around surreptitiously before closing the door.]

Edd: "A code of some sort."

Eddy: "This is big!" [He, Nat and Edd dive out of sight, but he has to drag Ed by the ear.]

Nat: "What do you see Double D?"

Edd: [looking through a periscope] "They appear to be some clandestine order bent on the exchange of classified intelligence."

Eddy: "Ah-ha! Say what?"

Edd: "It's a meeting of spies, Eddy!"

Ed: [pushing Edd aside] "Oh, let me, Double D! I love spies."

Eddy: [shoving Ed out of the way] "Get in line." [looking at the gathering] "Looks like Jimmy's the brains of the outfit. Ugh, Sarah." [He turns the periscope to view a bunch of the gift-wrapped packages stacked on a table.] "Oh yeah! It's the parcels! I bet they're loaded with...intelligence."

Edd: "Very good, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Heh heh, not bad, huh? Let's mingle and shut down this operation."

[While his back was turned, Ed had replaced the periscope with his own body.]

Eddy: "Where'd they go? Who? What? Where? Huh?"

Ed: "You got sleepies in your eyes, Eddy."

Eddy: [stepping away from Ed] "Let's go, agents."

[The Claw is perched on a tree branch. He takes a grappling gun and shoots the hooks at the house. The hooks grab onto the chimney, leaving a rope behind them. The Claw takes his tongue and uses the rope like a zip-line. Shortly thereafter, an Ed-shaped indentation appears when the operative slams into the wall. The doorbell rings.]

Rolf: "Let Rolf get the door, pale Jimmy!" [He opens the door and Eddy tramps in, dressed in a suit.] "What?"

Eddy: "Nice little soirée, huh, Rolfy boy?"

Rolf: [a tone of mockery tinting his voice] "You have an invitation, overdressed Ed-boy?"

Eddy: [hissing in Rolf's ear] "The crow caws at midnight."

Rolf: "And the cat sours the basil. Rolf would love to talk politics, but I must see your invitation."

Eddy: "No problem, stretch. Look! Who's that hairy beast eating all the dip?"

Rolf: [straining his eyes] "Nana?" [Eddy disappears.]

Eddy: [notices Nazz] "Ha haha." [Sprays breath spray then approaches her.] "So Nazz, how long have you been a member of Kevin's inner circle? Aah!"

Edd: [disguised as Nazz] "Quiet, Eddy! I'm in disguise. I have reason to believe the refreshments are laced with a powerful truth serum. A quick analysis should verify this." [He pours the cup into a machine hidden in his pants.]

Eddy: "Where's Nat?"

Edd: "She is in disguise as Sarah."

[Edd points to where Nat is as she turns around and gives a thumbs up.]

Eddy: [after Kevin walks past] "I'll follow Bigchin."

[The results pour out of Edd's pants, and Edd examines them. Meanwhile, Ed runs past with the jetpack.]

[The Claw starts up the jetpack. It warms up and coughs out a big glob of foam right down the back of the secret agent's pants. Ed then has to strain to move forward.]

[The party continues. Eddy comes up behind Edd, who is still disguised as Nazz, with a piece of cake.]

Eddy: "Hey Double D, I snagged this from Kev when he wasn't looking. Better analyze it."

[Eddy stuffs the cake down the seat of "Edd's" pants and is greeted with a girlish scream. It seems that the person he thought was Edd was really Nazz after all.]

Eddy: [nervous] "Heh heh. Hi-hiya, Nazz." [Nazz punches him in the face.]

Jimmy: "Oh Nazz! Your turn to hit the piñata." [Eddy is hiding behind the gift table now sporting a black eye.]

Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!"

Nazz: "Okay, guys."

[While the kids are absorbed in the party game, Edd, Nat and Eddy are absorbed in what the packages might contain.]

Eddy: "Now's our chance to check out these packages. Kevin thinks he's so smart."

Kevin: "Go Rolf, go!" [The stick hits him.] "Good one, Rolf. Lemme try." [He uses Rolf as a stick and hits the piñata.]

Rolf: "Party is fun, no?"

[Edd is using x-ray glasses to check out the packages.]

Edd: "This one appears to be another teddy bear, Eddy."

Eddy: "It's those x-ray glasses, they're busted."

Edd: "Eddy, think about it! Packages with ribbons, piñatas and funny hats? I think we've made a terrible mistake."

Nat: "We invaded Jimmy's birthday party."

Jimmy: "Holy mackerel! Here goes! Do your stuff!"

Sarah: "Go Jimmy!" [The bat narrowly misses her. The pinata begins to crack.]

Jimmy: "My candy, my candy!" [He lifts the blindfold.] "Hot diggity dog!"

[Out of the pinata fall a few pieces of candy and Ed.]

Ed: [holding up handfuls of candy] "Look what I found!"

Sarah: "Ed!"

Ed: [getting in fighting position] "Do not taunt The Claw."

Sarah: [leaping on her brother] "Ed! You idiot, who said you could come?!"

Ed: "Presents!" [He rushes to the table and begins opening the gifts with his friends.] "What'd you get what'd you get?"

Sarah: "What are you doing?"

Eddy: [opening a box] "I think the question is, what are you doing with–" [he searches and finds what he wants] "–this?" [The apparatus is a sewing machine.]

Jimmy: "I'm so misunderstood. I wanted a pony!" [He rushes from the room in tears.]

Kevin: "There goes the birthday boy. You dorks wrecked another party!"

[The kids stand in a line before the Eds and Nat, prepared to wreak vengeance upon the hopeless dolts.]

Eddy: "Good one, Double D."

Edd: "Um...it's just a misunderstanding!"

Nat: "We didn't mean to ruin the party!"

Eddy: [grabbing the vapor barrier] "Good luck catching us, as we'll be invisible to the naked eye with this baking-powder vapor barrier! A shroud, one might say."

Rolf: "You said a mouthful."

Kevin: "It's poundin' time."

Eddy: "You'll never take us alive!" [He throws the vapor barrier to the floor, where it explodes.]

[The Eds and Nat are in a field of pure, stark white. It is like a snowstorm swept through the room.]

Edd: "Now do you see the importance of extensive testing?"

Nat: "I hope this doesn't stain."

Ed: "Uh, where'd everybody go?"

Eddy: "Huh?" [They look around the room. It seems as though the kids have all disappeared.]

Edd: "Messy messy messy."

Eddy: "Big deal. Let's run away before they get back!"

Kevin: "Where were we?"

[All around the room, kids step away from the walls. They are all completely covered in white, and irate]

Eddy: [chuckling nervously] "Hi Kev."

[The kids begin to advance on the Eds and Nat.]

Ed: "Oh cool! This reminds me of the movie 'Zombies from the Deep Freeze: A Cash Cow.' This is the part where we'll be torn to pieces, stuffed into ice-cube trays and frozen and used to cool their drinks."

Edd: "Non-alcoholic, I hope."

[Jonny chuckles evilly as the kids advance to within touching range of the Eds and Nat.]

Nat: "Not on my watch."

[Nat takes out her glowstick and presses the button. The grappling hook comes out and up the chimney. The Eds hold onto Nat.]

Nat: "Turtledove Out!"

[The grappling hook lifts Nat and The Eds out of the house.]


	36. Who Let the Ed In?

Eddy: [holding his hand out] "Screwdriver." [Ed hands him a straightedge. Eddy is seen sitting in a chair, sipping pink lemonade. He hands the screwdriver to Edd.]

Edd: "Thank you." [after working with the screwdriver for a few moments] "Saw."

Eddy: "Saw."

Ed: "Saw!" [He rummages in a toolkit. He finds the saw and hands it to Eddy.]

Eddy: "Hammer."

Ed: [rummaging] "Hammer, hammer, hammer." [Ed finds a hammer and hands it over.]

Eddy: [gleefully] "They'll never know what hit 'em."

[Eddy stands up and looks at his latest project. It's covered in white cloth, with a "No Peekin" sign attached. It is unclear exactly what it is.]

Eddy: "It's the scam of scams!" [peeking under the blanket] "Ready, Double D?"

Edd: [snappish] "I fail to see the correlation between ready and complete, Eddy!" [suddenly normal] "Plunger please!"

Eddy: "Don't get your sock in a knot, Mr. Perfecto." [to Ed] "Plunger Ed." [when one fails to appear] "Ed, plunger!" [after Ed still doesn't hand it over] "Are you counting your teeth again?" [He looks over. Ed has deserted the toolbox.] "Now where'd he go?"

[Ed is seen playing, apparently with himself. He pulls a plunger off of his head.]

Ed: [using the plunger like a sword on an imaginary opponent] "Take this! Ya! And that! And that! Your fly is open. Think again, zombie mind-muncher from Mucus Mansion!" [He retreats onto the seesaw, and then uses a swing to go over to the slide. He slides down, very acrobatically.] "Do not try to escape, mutant, as I am too good for you!" [pretending to get hit] "Oh, you're sneaky." [Edd and Nat giggle] "Prepare to meet your maker! Oh, my brain has been munched!" [Ed performs a death scene.]

Edd: "No snappy comeback, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Too easy." 

Nat: "Ed, what are you doing?"

Ed: "Huh? Oh." [He gets up and walks to the middle of the playground.] "I was swordfighting with my friend Jib." [Ed puts his arm around air. Jib is apparently imaginary. Bringing Jib over to Edd, Nat and Eddy] "Jib, these are my pals Eddy, Nat and Double D."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy stand confused.]

Ed: [turning to Jib] "Ah, what's that? [after a pause] "Jib says Nat is beautiful."

[After a moment of confusion Nat smiles.]

Nat: "Well thank you Jib."

[After a pause Ed grabs the air, apparently pulling Jib back.]

Ed: [blushing] "Jib please, control yourself."

Eddy: "Who are you talking to?"

Ed: [turning to Jib] "Ah, what's that?" [after a pause] "Jib says Eddy is as blind as a bat."

Edd: [giggling] "Don't you see, Eddy? Jib!" [He elbows Eddy.]

Eddy: [catching on] "Okay, sure...Jib!" [He and Edd burst out laughing.]

Edd: [pretending to shake hands] "I'm pleased to meet you, Jib!"

Eddy: "You look like a strong–" [pauses] "–Jib. How 'bout an arm wrestle?" [He falls to the ground, laughing.]

Ed: "Jib wants to show you something."

Eddy: "But my eyes are straining already!" [He laughs. Edd is perturbed.]

Edd: "Do you think Ed really believes there's someone there?"

Nat: "I don't know that boy is a puzzle."

Eddy: "Nah, Ed's pulling our leg."

[Ed comes back with a wheeled desk chair.]

Ed: "This is Jib's favorite game. Jib says sit."

Eddy: "Jib's a pretty bossy guy." [shoving Edd into the chair] "You heard him, Double D!"

Edd: [unsure] "Um, Ed?"

Ed: [spinning the chair incredibly fast] "Sassafras!"

Edd: [spinning] "WOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!" [Ed suddenly stops the chair. Edd stumbles about.] "Dizzy! I'm dizzy!"

Eddy: "Ed, you're such a neck."

Ed: "Jib's such a hoot, huh Eddy?"

[Edd falls down. Nat goes to help him. Rolf appears, leading a chicken.]

Rolf: "What goes on, Ed-boys and Nat-girl? Speak to Rolf."

Eddy: [putting his arm around empty space] "We're just playing with Jib. Ed's new friend."

Rolf: "I see no Jib. What Jib? Has a truck backed up on your freshly paved driveway?" [He picks up the chicken.]

Ed: [petting the chicken] "Jib loves chickens too."

Rolf: "Tell me the ways of Jib. Rolf is confused."

Eddy: [pushing Rolf into the chair] "Jib says sit." [He spins and stops the chair, sending Rolf flying.] "Get it?"

Rolf: "Inform Rolf of this Jib!"

Ed: "Okay, your turn, Jib! Alley-oop!" [He spins an empty chair.] "Whoa! Look at Jib, guys!" [laughing] "Jib's throwing up! I am in stitches! Aw, come here brave soldier." [He shakes hands with Jib.]

Eddy: "Alright, enough fooling around. Back to work!"

Edd: "That was fun, Ed."

Eddy: [hit in the head with a checkered ball] "Why you–"

Ed: "It wasn't me! Uh–um–Jib says work is for suckers."

Eddy: "No work for Jib, huh? Okay, Jib, what then?"

Ed: "Jib says he wants to play tag! You're it, Eddy!" [He hits Eddy in the face.]

[Eddy chases Ed around the playground.]

Ed: "Run, Jib! Eddy's trying to tag you!"

Eddy: [angry] "Come here, you! Lemme just get my hands on you! Why you!" [In the middle of all this, a comic falls out of Ed's jacket.]

Ed: "I'm hungry. Look at me! Boy, I'm good."

Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "Run Jib!"

Nat: "Should we do something?"

Edd: "It's best we didn't."

[Edd picks up the comic and looks through it.]

Edd: [amused] "Well well well." [Ed rushes past. Eddy slumps to ground by Edd and Nat, totally exhausted.]

Eddy: "What's up with that guy?"

Edd: "Comics, Eddy. It's poison for the brain. This cancer has swallowed Ed's mind, causing him to invent an imaginary friend." [calmer] "I suggest re-education, through classic novels, with weekly cerebrum massages." [He puts the comic in a recycling bin.]

Nat: "That sounds fun!"

Eddy: "In your dreams." [He stomps off.]

[Ed is seen playing a game on a sheet of paper. He draws something on it, then holds it up, revealing he was playing Tic-tac-toe with Jib.]

Ed: "Gee, Jib, you are good."

Eddy: [as Edd works on the machine] "Look at him, playing by himself like an idiot." [A shoe hits him on the head.]

Ed: "It was Jib!"

Edd: "Well, with distractions and all, it's complete, Eddy."

Eddy: "Oh baby, back to reality!" [He pulls the sheet off, revealing a claw grab.] "We're gonna be rich! No one can resist a prize-grabber machine."

[Jimmy and Sarah stare at it from the other side of the street.]

Jimmy: "Did it fall off a truck?"

Sarah: "That's how my brother was born!"

Kevin: [riding up] "Prize-grabbers are cool!"

[Eddy lifts up a hatch so that they can get inside.]

Eddy: "Boy, that was fast. Hurry, Nat and Double D!" [Nat and Edd gets in and Eddy follows.] "I amaze me."

Jimmy: [standing next to the machine with Sarah and Kevin] "Look at those super-duper prizes. And only 25 cents."

Eddy: [impatient] "C'mon! Go for it!"

Kevin: "Go for the boombox there, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "I can feel my heart beat."

Eddy: [rubbing his hands together in anticipation] "Bingo."

Jimmy: [about to insert a quarter] "Here I go. Watch me."

Eddy: "That's it that's it."

Ed: [interrupting] "Hi everybody!" [Jimmy pulls his quarter out.] "Meet my new friend Jib. Jib, that's Jimmy, Kevin, and my baby sister Sarah."

Sarah: [speaking in a cutesy voice] "Ed! You're scaring me!"

Ed: "Jib made you presents."

Jimmy, Sarah, and Kevin: "Presents?"

Eddy: [realizing his scheme failed] "I hate Jib."

Kevin: [walking away with Sarah] "Cool. Thanks, Jibbo."

Sarah: "Isn't Jib the nicest kid you ever met?"

Jimmy: [holding up his quarter] "I'm so taken, I'm gonna win you a prize, Jib."

Eddy: [happy again] "I love you Jib."

Ed: [grabbing Jimmy and pulling him back from the machine] "JIMMY, STOP! Jib says this machine is a rip-off. It's all a big scam!"

Jimmy: "Wow! Thanks, Jib!" [he walks off]

Eddy: "ED!" [He bursts out of the machine and takes off after Ed.]

Ed: "Watch out, Jib! Eddy's gonna tag you!"

[Eddy utters a war cry and continues the chase.]

[Nat and Eddy are sitting on swings, but not swinging. Edd is standing beside them.]

Edd: "I must express my concern of accomplishing anything with Jib around. I'm at quite a quandary."

Eddy: "Forget your laundry." [He gets off the swing and throws it forward.] "I hate Jib!" [The swing comes around and hits him in the back of the head, knocking him into a tree. Angered, he starts fighting with it to show his frustration. He finishes and goes off, but comes back to kick it. He hurts his foot and makes noises of pain.]

Nat: "What are we going to do?"

Edd: "We need expert advice."

Eddy: "Expert, huh? Let's go." [He leads Edd and Nat away.]

[Plank is on a teeter-totter, going back and forth. Jonny is on another, right next to him. Plank's is a fish, and Jonny's is a rooster. Eddy reaches out and stops Plank.]

Edd: [approaching Jonny] "Hello, Jonny! We seem to be at an impasse, and wish to solicit your expert advice."

Jonny: "Say what?"

Nat: "Ed has an imaginary friend, can you help us?"

Jonny: "Imaginary friend? What's that?"

Eddy: [hinting at Plank] "C'mon, you know. An imaginary friend?"

Jonny: "Hmm. Sorry. I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe Plank knows."

Plank:

Eddy: "This is our expert?"

Jonny: "Ssh." [he nods, listening to Plank] "Plank says to build an invisible trap." [Edd and Eddy stand there, confused.]

Nat: "Oh yes an invisible trap for Ed's invisible friend."

Eddy: [getting it] "Makes sense to me! Double D, draw up the invisible plans!"

Edd: "With invisible ink?" [he giggles along with Nat] "This is becoming contagious."

Nat: "I agree."

[Ed is playing with two giant bubble wands. Bubbles are seen floating out behind him.]

Ed: "Whoa! Bubbly, huh Jib?"

[It shifts to Edd, Nat and Eddy. Edd is pretending to use tools to build something. Eddy and Nat looks on.]

Nat: "How's it doing Double D?"

Edd: "Just a few unseen adjustments..."

Eddy: "So, huh well?"

Edd: "...a covert twist here..." [makes the adjustment] "It's ready, Eddy."

Eddy: "Ready Eddy. I like that." [calling to Jib] "Oh Jib! Jib, we got a present for ya!" [Ed puts a bubble over his head, forming a space helmet.]

[Ed waves to Jib, who has headed over to join the other two. The trap is then heard being set off.]

Eddy: "Sucker in the trap! Ha!"

[He jumps over and grabs Jib.]

Eddy: "Thought you could outsmart us, huh Jib?" [he gets flipped over] "What the–! Uh... Jib?" [Eddy is confused about what to do. He then suddenly receives two punches to the face and one in the stomach. Jib then apparently holds Eddy over his head and spins him before tossing him to the ground.]

Nat: "Eddy's getting pummeled!"

Edd: [to Ed, still in the bubble] "Ed, do something! Eddy hasn't a chance!"

[He pops the bubble and Ed's head disappears, much to Edd's horror. Ed then pulls his head up out of his jacket.]

Ed: [unconcerned] "Aw, Jib's just playing."

[Jib continues to pummel Eddy. Meanwhile, Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, and Nazz arrive.]

Sarah: [seeing Eddy acting strange] "Hey, what's with Eddy?"

Ed: "Eddy's playing with Jib."

Eddy: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! UNCLE! UNCLE!" [Jib rolls Eddy into the form of a basketball and throws him.]

Jimmy: "Jib's so athletic."

[Eddy goes through an open window as a buzzer sounds. The kids, with the exception of Edd and Nat, cheer.]

[Ed is sobbing into Edd and Nat's shoulders as Eddy loads invisible bags onto a bus.]

Ed: [crying] "Who's gonna push me on the swing, or go fishing with me? Who's gonna help me butter my toast?"

Nat: "It's ok Ed."[She rubs Ed's back.]

Edd: "Um...time heals all wounds, Ed." [He pats Ed on the head.]

Eddy: [with a bandage on his head] "And good riddance! Yeah, Jib! Take this...junk with ya!" [He closes the luggage compartment.] "I'll miss you like a hernia."

[The bus starts up and drives off. The kids (Kevin, Jonny, Plank, Nazz, Rolf, Ed, Edd, Jimmy, and Sarah) wave and say their goodbyes.]

Kevin: [dispirited] "This stinks."

Rolf: "Yes, and he did not even try Rolf's candied beets."

Jimmy: [walking home with Sarah] "So many things left unsaid."

Ed: "Jib said his work here was done."

Edd: [exasperated] "Can we give it a rest already?!"

Eddy: "Oh, Ed?"

Nat: "Apparently not."

Eddy: [miming a slingshot] "Guess what I got?"

Ed: "Hmm?"

Eddy: "It's an invisible potato in an invisible slingshot."

Ed: "Where, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Don't blink!"

[He lets go, and sends Ed spinning into fields of pain.]


	37. Home Cooked Eds

[Rolf is driving a very dirty tractor. He looks uncomfortable. He pulls into a driveway. The garage at the end reads "Ed and Nat's Service Station".]

Eddy: [hauling the door open] "Customer!" [His friends come running out to service the tractor.]

Rolf: [distressed] "Hello, Ed-boys and Nat-girl. I must use your restroom!"

Eddy: "The restroom's for paying customers only, Rolfy. Your tractor could use some work."

Rolf: "Fine! Yes! Go!" [He hands over a quarter.]

Eddy: "Key's in the garage."

Edd: [as Rolf runs] "Is that coagulation of dirt and clay Rolf? Did you give him permission to go into my house? He'll track mud!"

Eddy: "Relax. He'll never make it inside."

Rolf: [the key is attached to a radiator] "May the fleas from your cow...inflame your rhubarb!"

Eddy: [starting the engine] "Let's bring her inside, boys and girl!" [He shifts into gear, and the tractor reverses out.] "Not cool!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "That's really something I'd expect from you, Ed."

[The tractor crashes.]

Ed: "It's really something I wanted to do, Double D."

[The tractor has smashed into a house, crumpling part of both house and tractor, a tree is broken in half, and part of the fence has been destroyed.]

Eddy: [thrown clear and uninjured] "Woohoo! Demolition derby, boys and girl! Cool crash, huh Ed?"

Ed: "I've seen better, Eddy."

Eddy: [befuddled] "What?"

Ed: "Look. The tractor is still intact, you could have done a lot more with the tree, and you hardly wrecked Kevin's fence. And the steering wheel should be rammed over your head like so." [He demonstrates.]

Eddy: "Oh, excuse me! I'm such a hack. I'll be in my trailer." [He turns and walks into the side of a trailer.]

Ed: "Eddy got a trailer!"

Eddy: "What's this thing doing on my lawn?"

Edd: "Seems some misinformed out-of-towners lost their way."

Nat: "Guys I think thats-"

Eddy: "Yeah? Well I'm sending it back!" [he tries to push it off his lawn] "Ed, gimme a hand!"

Ed: [holding up Edd's hand] "Found one!" [He snorts.]

Edd: "This joke is older than my Mesozoic fossil collection, Ed."

Ed: "Whoops, there it goes..." [A clang is heard.] "Yep. My brain stopped."

[A female giggling comes from somewhere.]

Eddy: "Did you hear that?" [The giggles come again.] "Kankers!"

Nat: "I knew it!"

Edd: "And we're in the open!"

Ed: [pushing his friends into the trailer] "Hide in here!"

[The Kankers toss the trailer door open like they own the place.]

Marie: [with a camcorder] "Wait'll the folks at home see this!"

May: [with shopping bags] "I'm a movie star!"

Lee: [shoving her sibling aside] "Move it May, I'm beat! Marie, get that camera out of my face–!!!"

[Lee places her hand over the camera's eye and looks around the room.]

Lee: "Hey, I thought this place should've been cleaned up by the time we got back. I'm calling the manager!"

May: "My feet are killing me!" [She pries her shoes off with a spatula.] "Aah...vacations sure are tiring. What's on TV?"

Marie: [grabbing the remote] "You always pick something stupid." [Lee then pushes Marie and May off the couch and grabs the remote.]

Lee: "Slide over! We're watching infomercials." [She turns the television on, and it is revealed that the Eds are hiding inside the set.]

Eddy: "Uh..." [rubs Ed's head on Edd's armpit] "...we use new Stench-Away deodorant. Keeps me dry and fresh."

Lee: "That junk wrecked my clothes."

Marie: "Gimme that thing!"

Lee: "Alright, alright." [Marie changes channels, and Edd imitates a siren.]

Eddy: [pretends to drive a police car] "Requesting backup! We're in hot pursuit."

Ed: "It's my turn to drive!" [takes the wheel] "Beep! Transfer please."

[Ed leans forward, and the trio in the TV collapse.]

The Kankers: [looking at the exposed Eds] "It's our boyfriends!"

Lee: "We've been looking for you."

May: "Yeah, we need tour guides."

Eddy: "Forget tour guides, just get your stinking trailer off my lawn!"

The Kankers: "But we're on holidays!"

Eddy: "Uh-oh. Tourists."

Lee: "Sun."

May: "Sweat."

Marie: "And souvenirs!" [She empties stuff out of a paper bag. It looks like some of the things in Edd's room.]

Edd: "Why, these souvenirs look suspiciously familiar." [freaking out] "GAH! GIRLS WERE IN MY ROOM, EDDY!"

May: [scratching her back with Plank] "These locals sure know how to make backscratchers!"

[May happily scratches her back with Plank while Jonny looks in a window angrily.]

Eddy: "Why don't you Kankers get lost!"

Ed: "And forget about any lovey-dovey stuff!"

The Kankers: "Lovey-dovey!"

Eddy: "Ed, you dolt!"

[The Eds bolt from the trailer.]

Eddy: "Run away!"

Ed: [looking at May's kissy-face] "Flounder!" [He slams the door and follows his friends. Jonny looks on.]

Lee: "Look at what we got here girls." [She grabs Nat from behind the couch.]

Nat: "Please let me go."

[The Kankers laugh evily.]

Eddy: [barricading a door] "C'mon, Ed, hurry it up!"

Edd: "Eddy, Nat is still out there!"

Eddy: "She'll be fine!"

Ed: "Stool for blocking." [He hands it over.]

Eddy: "C'mon, c'mon!"

Ed: "Couch for blocking." [He takes a couch the Kankers are sitting on.]

May: "What's this supposed to be?"

Lee: "I'll check the tour guide." [reading] "Some kind of dance, I think."

Edd: [seeing the girls] "Ed-d-dee-dee-dee?" [He points.]

Eddy: "This ain't the time for birdcalls, Double D." [Edd continues to point.]

Ed: "A cup for blocking."

Eddy: "Double D thinks he's a bird. I hate birds!"

Ed: [seeing them as well] "KA-KA...!"

Lee: [putting down the guide] "And that was the call of the yellow-bellied boyfriend."

Eddy: "How'd they get in my house?"

Marie: "Time for a close-up, holiday boyfriend!" [She plunges a hat over Edd so it looks like he's wearing a skirt.] "He's so cute." [She begins filming.] "How about a little hula-hula?"

Edd: [in agony] "This isn't happening!" [He fights to get the hat off.] "AAAH!"

Lee: "Hey Marie, get me with Eddy!" [Lee pulls Eddy to her.] "Hello? Marie, film me!"

Marie: "Film what, you just standing there?"

Lee: "I was gonna hang Eddy from our rearview mirror like a troll!"

Marie: "Big whoop."

May: "Lee! Marie! Quit your fighting, we're supposed to be having fun! Holidays, remember?"

Marie: "Yeah, you're right May." [Marie bounds up to hug May.]

Lee: "Yeah, we're family. Group photo!"

Marie: "Here, Double D, take it!" [shoving the still rolling camera at him] "And make it good."

May: "Over by the pool, girls!"

[The Kankers get into Eddy's aquarium.]

Lee: "Hi Mom!"

Eddy: "Get away from my fish tank!"

Edd: "Um Eddy, please, I'm trying to get a good shot." [He beckons for Eddy to move away.]

Eddy: "A good shot? Double D, that's something I'd expect from Ed!"

Ed: "That again is something I really wanted to do."

Eddy: "Ed, do this! Get rid of–my fish?" [The sisters have vacated the tank, as well as most of the fish.]

Ed: "Should I put them in a plastic bag?"

Eddy: "Did you see where they went?"

Edd: "I was enraptured with Ed's whining."

Ed: "Is it so wrong to be liked?"

[Eddy tears down the hall to the doorway of his room, where he comes upon the horrific sight of the Kankers ransacking the place and destroying his personal belongings.]

Eddy: "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Lee: "Who's gonna make us?"

Marie: "Hey, are these real leopard-skin undies?"

Edd: "That's quite a statement, Eddy."

Eddy: [tugging at his collar] "They're my brothers. What?"

Marie: "Says Eddy on the tag."

Eddy: "That's it, get out of my room!" [He leaps at Marie.]

Edd: "I feel as though we should help Eddy, Ed."

Ed: "Yes, we should."

Edd: "If only Nat was here."

[The sound of Eddy being pummeled is heard.]

Lee: "Get him to put 'em on, Marie."

Marie: "I can't, he won't let go!"

Eddy: [dazed but holding on] "Give 'em up Marie, you don't have a chance."

[Marie wraps him up in the undies.]

Marie: "How's this?"

Lee: "Hubba hubba!"

[Marie lets go of the briefs. The resulting release of energy leads to Eddy spinning around terribly fast.]

May: "Hi Eddy!" [Marie yanks him off] "Bye Eddy!"

Edd: [clutching at Eddy] "Eddy, I fear they're becoming amorous!"

Eddy: "What's that mean?"

[Edd whispers something into Eddy's ear, and shortly thereafter the Eds vacate the house screaming.]

Eddy: [scared] "Last one out's a rotten egg!"

Lee: "Later boys! You'll have to come home sometime!"

[The sounds of construction come from Eddy's house. Suddenly, a wave of water knocks down Eddy's front door.]

Lee: "Ya-hoo-ooo-ooo!"

Marie: "This waterpark idea stinks!"

May: "It's not my fault the water pressure's low."

Lee: "Everything's your fault, May."

Eddy: [watching from a fence with the other two] "They're wrecking my house!"

Ed: "Amateurs, Eddy, don't make me laugh."

Edd: "We really should go find Nat."

Kevin: "Why are you dorks on my lawn?"

Eddy: "We heard your grass was greener, so–"

Lee: "Hey Ed! Here's our unmentionables." [dropping a bag to them] "Press 'em, fold 'em, and don't skimp on the starch!"

Rolf: "Hallo."

Kevin: "Having some girl problems, are we?" [He and Rolf collapse into laughter.]

Eddy: "What? So? They're on holiday! What?"

Kevin: "A romantic getaway, huh?"

Rolf: "A coochie-coochie cruise?"

Kevin: "I guess these dweebs'll be holding hands all summer."

Rolf: [to a sour-faced Jonny] "Prune-face Jonny, do you hear this?"

Jonny: [angry] "Don't touch me." [He stomps away. Rolf and Kevin then resume laughing.]

Kevin: "C'mon Rolf. I'm getting a stitch."

Rolf: "Bye-bye." [They exit.]

Edd: "He's right, Eddy. This weather ensures them a lonnng vacation."

Eddy: "Weather, huh? Summer's about to call it a day, boys."

[The sun is beating down on the Kankers. The girls have taken various pieces of furniture from Eddy's house and place them on the lawn. They are lounging there in swimsuits now, under a flag of Eddy's underwear.]

May: "Hey Marie, can you flip me over? I'm getting crispy." [no reply] "Marie, flip me over! I'm getting crispy!" [no response while Lee gets annoyed] "MARIE!"

Lee: "Shut up, May." [She flips May's table over]

May: "Whoa!"

Marie: [Lee jumps on her] "Ugh!"

Lee: "Don't you hear your sister talkin to ya?"

Marie: "Nope! Must be this vacation air, I guess." [She plucks a hair from Lee's armpit.]

Lee: "Ow!"

Marie: [laughing] "Sucker!" [Lee begins to chase her.]

Lee: [growls] "Get back here!" [Lee and Marie run straight into a surprise rainstorm.]

Marie: "Uh oh."

Lee and Marie: "It's raining!" [They run back to the trailer.]

May: "Rain?"

[Lee and Marie grab May and use her hair like an umbrella.]

Lee: "Does my hair look okay?"

Edd: [creating the rain with a hose and colander] "Summer rains, you can never predict them. Commence thunder, Eddy!" [Eddy complies, and the sounds of a kitchen pan hitting a garbage can are heard.]

May: [clutching her sisters close] "It's a typhoon!" [zips her hair shut and the Kankers fall over to the ground]

Lee: "So what? We're not gonna let a little typhoon ruin our vacation, are we?"

[Winds suddenly blast the sisters. Marie is blown into the trailer door, and May has to hang on to Lee.]

Lee: "Hang on, May!" [She loses her grip, and May hits the door and Marie.]

[We then get to see what's causing the winds: it is a giant fan.]

Ed: [picking up a bush] "I got the debris, Eddy! I wanted to do this." [tossing it in front of the fan] "Alley-oop!"

Lee: "I can't see!"

[The bush hits her, sending her into her sisters. The combined weight of the Kankers and the bush pushes their trailer door open, sending them inside. A tree then pushes its way into the trailer. Nat manages to get out.]

Jimmy: [riding his trike in the typhoon] "My thighs! They're burning!"

Eddy: "Woohoo! Nice ad lib, Ed! Now get 'em off my lawn!"

Ed: "Okey-dokey, Smokey!" [he switches the fan off] "That rhymed."

Edd: "Nat thank goodness your alright!"

Nat: "More or less."

Edd: "I must say this worked out quite well."

Ed: [picking up the trailer] "Cheerio, Kanker Sisterio!"

Lee: "Now what?" [Ed flings the trailer away.]

Ed: "Don't even think about it, think about it!"

Edd: "Please, Ed, no more rhymes."

[The trailer goes away from the Eds and Nat at a high speed. It travels down a hill, along the way taking out some fences and a tree. At the end of the trip it runs into an elastic band stretched between two poles and stops.]

Marie: [looking out the window] "Look, there's that weird kid."

May: "Yeah, that's that–I forget his name."

Lee: [Plank stuck in her hair] "What's he up to?" [Jonny pulls the band back and puts it on a mailbox's flag.] "What the heck's he doing?"

May: "Who cares? He's a–" [a banging comes from the roof of the trailer] "Huh?"

[Jonny rips a panel off the roof and dives into the trailer.]

Jonny: "I'm coming, Plank!"

[A fray is heard in the trailer. At the end of it, Jonny leaps out of the aforementioned hole, Plank in hand.]

Jonny: [above a sea of groping Kanker hands] "Run, Plank!"

May: "Gimme back my backscratcher!"

Jonny: "Scratch this!"

[Jonny kicks the flag over. This releases the elastic band, which sends the sisters' trailer skyrocketing through the air and back up the hill.]

Eddy: [spraying germ-away on a chair] "Filthy filthy filthy."

Ed: "That's something I'd expect from Double D, Eddy."

Eddy: "Don't remind me." [He slumps in the clean chair, relaxed.] "Aah."

Edd: [hearing the faint sounds of the approaching trailer] "Do you hear something?"

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: "Oh, man..."

[The trailer lands on the Eds and bounces onto the fence that separates Kevin and Eddy's yards.]

Kevin: "What's a trailer doing on my–TRAILER?!?" [He runs over and tries to push it onto Eddy's lawn.] "Stay off my lawn!"

[Ed bursts through the fence, revealing that Edd and Eddy are trying to push the trailer onto Kevin's side.]

Ed: "Kevin! There's a–oh. I guess you already know."

Marie: [sliding to one side of the trailer] "Now this is what I call a vacation."

Lee: [as the trailer shifts to the other side] "Just like the cruise Mom took."

May: "I don't feel so good."

Eddy: "They're yours!"

Kevin: "No way, yours!"

Eddy: "Ed, help!"

Ed: "One plus one equals one on a bun."

Edd and Eddy: "ED!!!"

[Nat shows up with an annoyed look on her face. She picks up the trailer and proceeds to walk with it down the street.]

Nat: "I'll be back in half an hour."


	38. Rambling Ed

[Eddy is at a table, his disco ball in front of him. On his head sits a makeshift turban.]

Eddy: [waving his hands over the ball] "Salami, baloney, and pumpernickeloaf! Listen up, you spirits of the Underwood!"

Jonny: [seated opposite Eddy with Rolf] "Woohoo! Listen, Plank!"

Rolf: "I think we have angered the spirits, as it is a travesty to mix salami and baloney!"

[Eddy shushes them. In the background, Edd plays slide on the pedal steel guitar. Ed blows First Call into a teapot like a horn. Nat plays haunting music on the piano.]

Eddy: [annoyed by Ed's horn effect]"Someone is trying to make contact from, you know...the DEAD!"

Jonny: "Really? Spirits from the dead?"

Rolf: "Shlork!"

Jonny: "Show me where, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Look, a phenomenon." [A can beside him is shaking. It makes its way across the table to Jonny and Rolf.] "The spirit's a little low on cash, and needs bus fare to join us!"

Rolf: "Ya! Ya! Ya! Ya!"

Jonny: "Here you go." [He, Plank, and Rolf all chip in a quarter. The can continues to shake.]

Eddy: "Crosstown, full fare." [Another coin is dropped in, and the can makes its way to Eddy's side of the table, where it falls off the edge. Eddy speaks to Edd, who is under the table with a magnet.] "Hook, line, and stinker. Let's wrap this up and buy some jawbreakers."

Edd: [whispering] "Righto!"

Eddy: "I shall now summon...the ghost! Rikky Dikky Stinky Winky! Enter, oh spirit of the Underwood!"

[Behind the scenes, Edd and Nat move a flour-coated Ed by pushing a line he is attached to forward. Ed gets his arm in, but then suddenly stops moving.]

Jonny: "Look Plank!"

Rolf: "The spirit has stopped! A curse I say!"

Eddy: "Seems the spirit has a snag."

[Eddy yanks on Ed's sleeve, and Ed goes straight through the curtained area. Edd and Nat enter, clinging to the rope. Luckily, Rolf and Jonny are looking in the direction Ed went.]

Rolf: "The spirit is quick!"

Jonny: "I didn't see it either, Plank!"

Eddy: "What the–" [He pulls Ed back into the room.]

Jonny: "There it is! I'm ready to bust with excitement!"

Rolf: "Look! It is so repulsive! It wants Rolf!"

Ed: "I am a little teapot, short and stout. This is my handle, this is my spout."

Edd: "Help me!"

Jonny: "Look! More ghosts, Plank!"

Edd: "Stay back! Retreat! Save me from this savage beast! Don't you touch me!"

[The shadow of a clawed, fanged monster plays on the curtain. It tosses Edd away and leers at the curtain.]

Eddy: [cowering under the table with his customers] "Give yourself up Rolf, it's you it wants!"

[The beast rips the curtain away, revealing itself as Sarah.]

Sarah: "Eddy you idiot!"

Eddy: "It's just stupid Sarah."

Ed: "Hello, baby sister."

Sarah: [grabbing his ear] "You come with me, mister."

Ed: [being dragged away] "What did I do?"

Eddy: "Sarah! Come back here with my ghost!"

Nat: "Poor Ed."

Edd: "Sarah's interruption constituted a refund, Eddy. Jonny and Rolf were not impressed."

Eddy: [surprised] "Refund? Why's Ed put up with her?"

[Jimmy is huddled on Sarah's table.]

Jimmy: "Sarah, hurry! I think it's crawling towards me!" [He throws a vase at a stinky sock on the floor.]

Ed: [being dragged into the room by Sarah] "But it wasn't me, Sarah, I always put the seat down!"

Jimmy: "The cavalry has arrived!"

Sarah: "What's your sock doing in MY ROOM?"

Ed: "Sleeping?"

Sarah: "Pick it up or I'll tell mom!"

Ed: "Don't tell mom, okay?" [He tosses the sock over his shoulder, and it lands on Edd. Eddy snickers at this as Nat takes it off.] "Is there anything else I can do?"

Sarah: "Dress my dollies."

Ed: "Okay. Something else, oh lovable sister who shares the same mom and dad?"

Sarah: "Clean out your disgusting freezer experiment–" [She opens the freezer, and it pops out.]

Jimmy: "Holy mackerel!"

Sarah: "–And after that, set up our picnic outside!"

Ed: "Is that all?"

Sarah: "I'm just getting started." [She throws a huge list at him.] "Let's see now."

Edd: [observing] "It's times like this I'm glad I'm an only child."

Nat: "Me too."

Eddy: "That's pathetic! Ed should tell her to just–"

Sarah: "Hit the road, flat head!" [She shoves Eddy out of the way.] "Ed has a lot of work to do."

Jimmy: "Boy, I wouldn't want to be in his shoes."

Eddy: "Who would? Ed!" [He sees Ed dressing a doll.] "WHAT are you DOING?"

Ed: "Dressing the dolly. Oh, look at the pretty hat, Eddy."

Eddy: "Get over it! If she told you to jump in a lake, with a rock tied to your head, and wait for naked photos of you to develop, so she could hand them out to all the kids in the cul-de-sac, would you?"

Ed: "I had socks on, Eddy."

Edd: "Eddy, family matters are best left to experts who deal with situations like–" [The doll hits him in the head.]

Ed: "Nice shot, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Now, if you had your own place, you wouldn't have to take orders from anyone! You'd be your own boss. Pretty cool, huh? Ed? Ed?" [Ed is lost in his own world.] "Whaddya think?"

[Eddy puts his hands in Ed's mouth and manipulates his lips while Eddy talks for him.]

Eddy (as Ed): "I like it, Eddy! I have one eyebrow and the brain of a bug."

Edd: "Going out on one's own requires planning, Eddy. There's so much work involved that–"

Ed (as Eddy): [manipulating Eddy's lips] "Relax, Double D, I'll help him pack!"

Edd: "Yes, well, let's be sure to pack hand soap."

Eddy: "Put some muscle in it, boys!"

[Eddy is lazing around while Edd pulls on one side of a large duffle. Ed and Nat are pushing on the other side, trying to get it out his small window. He suddenly stops and looks at it.]

Edd: [between grunts] "Ed-did-you-pack-only-the-essentials-like-I-asked?"

Ed: [pushing it loose] "Tag! You're it!"

Eddy: "Go, Double D, go!"

Edd: [trying to escape the giant suitcase] "Curse these short legs!" [The bag catches up to, and runs over him.] "Pleah! Well, there's my exercise for the day."

[Nat goes over and pulls Edd out.]

Eddy: [leaping on top] "Well, Mr. Ed, where do you want to set up your new pad?"

Ed: "But Eddy, what about Sarah's chores?"

Eddy: "All taken care of, Ed."

Jonny: [disguised as Ed and reading the list] "Look, Plank! We get to go to a tea party!"

Eddy: [helping Ed up the bag] "Think big, Ed! Where have you always wanted to live?"[Ed falls down and Eddy tries to lift him again.]

Ed: [climbing up on his own] "Close to a mailbox, Eddy." [Eddy pulls up his extended arms.]

Eddy: "I know just the place."

[Rolf scoops a shovelful of dirt from his garden. He sniffs it, puts it in his mouth and chews it, and then spits it out.]

Rolf: "The soil has been leached. Papa's fermented spoils will cure this plague."

[Rolf opens his shed door.]

Rolf: "Filthy animals do not belong in Rolf's shed!"

The Eds and Nat: "Hiya, Rolf!"

Rolf: "Do not talk to Rolf as though all is forgotten, fortune-teller Ed-boys! You have besmirched Rolf with your scram!"

Eddy: [timidly] "Um, I think you mean scam." [He and Ed are lying on the floor in front of Rolf.]

Rolf: [counting] "One...two. Where is the brainy Ed-boy? Hmm?" [He looks to the side of the shed.]

Edd: "Present."

[Edd gets into position between Ed and Eddy.]

Eddy: "You gotta help us, Rolf."

Edd: "You see Rolf, Ed has moved out of his home in order to lead a more independent life, and to get away from Sarah, wouldn't we all. And well, here we are!"

Nat: "Please Rolf."

Rolf: [patting Ed on his head] "This is a brave thing you do, long-in-the-neck Ed-boy! Welcome to the home of Rolf! Please, make yourself at home, as Rolf could not sleep at night knowing dim-lit Ed-boy's out free in the streets." [He leaves.]

Edd: "Rolf sure is an upright fellow!"

Eddy: "What a feeb."

Edd: "Shall we unpack?"

Eddy: "Don't break a nail, Double D."

[Edd opens the latch, and the duffel bursts apart. When the dust clears, we see that Ed's room has been packaged up and put in place again in Rolf's shed.]

Ed: "I love canoes."

Edd: [in the chair] "It looks just like your old room, Ed."

Eddy: [behind a totem mask] "Yeah. Home sweet home."

Ed: "My place is the cat's tuxedo, guys. Right Poochie?" [He scratches the cow.]

Rolf: "Hmm? Wilfred! Victor!" [The goat and pig are eating from Rolf's garden.] "Need I remind you you are forbidden to eat in Rolf's vegetable patch?" [He carries them to a trough.]

Ed: [popping out of the trough] "Hi, neighbor!"

Rolf: "SHACKLAHAM!" [recovering] "Why are you in the trough of food spoils?"

Ed: "I'm hot tubbin!"

Rolf: "DO NOT FRAZZLE ROLF! Please do not contaminate the food, as pigs eat from it!" [He walks away.]

[Rolf places a rope around a tree stump and tugs.]

Rolf: "May shower scum devour your head!" [He sees Eddy sitting on a chair perched on the stump.] "Ed-boy."

Eddy: "What's up, Stretch?"

Rolf: "Do you like being a guest at the house of Rolf and, you know, make lazy on Rolf's stump?" [He growls softly.]

Eddy: [oblivious] "What're ya, kidding? It's great!"

Ed: [being dragged by the cow] "I'm a cowboy, bang bang."

Rolf: "A burden has been placed on Rolf."

[Edd places a cinder block on an egg. Rolf drives his tractor in the background.]

Edd: "Egg-ceptional!" [He makes some notes. On two other eggs he has balanced a brick and a bucket.] "Eggshells can hold many times it's own weight without–"

Ed: "Double D!" [He has balanced the tractor on an egg.] "Am I good or what?"

Rolf: "May your nose fester with the rage of olives!"

Edd: "I'm sorry, Rolf. I was just running a few tests to see if eggs could withstand the– Eureka!"

[As he continues his explanation, Victor notices Ed. He sees Ed's hips moving back and forth and takes this as an invitation to attack.]

Ed: "Eggs eggs eggs eggs. Hi Rolf!" [Victor heads him into the tractor, and the tractor starts to tip.]

Edd: [looking at the egg] "Look, a hypothesis!"

[Rolf's tractor tips completely and his head falls into that day's haul of eggs, shattering them all.]

Edd: [examining the egg] "Documented and proven. Not a scratch."

Rolf: "My patience is wearing thin like mama's head of hair!" [He uses the goat to knock the Eds into the shed while Nat is cleaning.] "You have the use of Rolf's shed and nothing more!"

[The door to the shed is slammed shut by him.]

[Rolf is digging a huge hole. As he heaves out the last handful of dirt, his shed walks past, propelled by the Eds' legs. The Eds have managed not to break the terms of their lease while still using his farm.]

Rolf: "Time to wash and fill Rolf's empty belly."

[In the house, the Eds are reaching from the shed to grab food from the fridge. Rolf comes in, exhausted, but doesn't notice the shed. He moves in and out of the kitchen. While he is gone, the Eds take the shed and go, leaving behind a pile of dirty dishes. Rolf returns to the kitchen in his pajamas, carrying a plate. He turns to the fridge and sees the many dirtied dishes.]

[It is late at night, and Rolf is washing the last of the dishes. He looks up at the crescent moon.]

Rolf: "The moon resembles half-eaten cheese."

[Rolf finishes the last dish and puts down his sponge. On the sponge he rests his weary head. Suddenly, he is awakened by Ed's powerfully loud snoring.]

Rolf: "Ed-boys try me at every turn!" [He opens the door to his room, where he finds Nat in his bed and Edd and Eddy in sleeping bags. Nat and Edd are fast asleep and Eddy has cotton in his ears, yet was woken up by Rolf's entrance.]

Eddy: "Turn out that light!"

Rolf: [backing down immediately] "Yes! Sorry, Ed-boy!" [He shuts the door and slumps against it to the sound of Ed's snoring.]

[It is morning, and the snoring has stopped. Rolf is slumped against the door still, bleary-eyed from a night of no sleep.]

Rolf: "Ah. The beast has stopped. Nighty-night Rolf."

[Before Rolf can get any real rest, a smoke alarm goes off. He rushes to the kitchen and sees the Eds maylaying it.]

Rolf: "Smoke? What?"

Eddy: "You haven't lived till you've tried one of my omelets."

Edd: "Good morning Rolf. Fresh fruit and the morning paper to start your day?" [He hands Rolf a platter of grapefruit and the newspaper.]

Nat: "Hi Rolf I'm sorry for sleeping in your bed without asking so I made you some tea as an apology." [She gives Rolf the cup.]

Ed: "Hey, neighbor." [He is wrapped in toilet paper.] "You wouldn't happen to have any paper I can borrow? Oh, can I borrow this sink?" [He holds up a sink which has apparently been ripped out of the wall.]

Eddy: "I need ketchup for my eggs, Rolfy boy."

Ed: "Anyone got a breath mint?"

Rolf: "THE BURDEN OF HOSPITALITY IS TOO GREAT FOR ROLF!!!!!!!!!"

[Rolf's words echo all around the cul-de-sac, bringing normal proceedings to a halt.]

[Rolf's shed is lying on its side.]

The Eds: "One...two...three!" [The shed tips back into place.]

Ed: "Let's do it again!"

[The Eds place their foot against a wall and push. The shed tips the other way.]

Rolf: [opening the door angrily] "Having fun with my shed, Ed-boys?" [He leaps in.]

Edd: "Is all well, Rolf?"

Ed: "Wipe your feet please."

[Rolf picks up Nat and places her outside. He closes the door.]

Rolf: [as he rips off his shirt and advances towards them] "You have broken the celery stalk on the back of a sea urchin!"

Eddy: "What'd he say?"

Rolf: "SHAKLAHAM!"

Rolf: [wearing a bag of oats on his head and looking at a pumpkin] "The yeast has risen and shows me the future of the couch-creature Ed-boys." [The Eds are stuck together by a saddle wrapped around their necks.] "Do you hear it? The spirit of the rind speaks!"

Ed: "What does it say?"

Eddy: [sarcastic] "Yeah. Tell us, oh swami."

Rolf: "Aah. It says that your day will begin by–" [He shows off the muscle in his right arm.] "CLEANING MY PIG PEN!" [The Eds set to work immediately.] "Also, your future will hold that you de-lice the chickens, and shake the dew from the trees, and brush the hair of the back of Rolf!"

Edd: "Gloves! I need gloves!"

Ed: "Pumpkins sure are bossy."

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."

[Nat shows up later with the Eds all exhausted.]

Nat: "Guys I have good news! Jonny finished all of Sarah's chores so Ed can go back now."

[The Eds breathe a sign of relief.]


	39. To Sir with Ed

[Eddy is in his room, combing his hair.]

Eddy: "Eddy, you're such a dog." [He combs it into a shape resembling Jimmy's. In a falsetto] "I wanna grow up to be just like Jimmy! Jimmy. Yeah right." [He cackles.] "Hey Mom, is it dinner yet?" [No reply comes.] "Hey Mom!"

[Eddy, hearing nothing, pushes open the door to his room.]

Eddy: "Anybody home?"

[The question echoes all around his empty house.]

Eddy: "I'm all by myself! Aah!"

[Edd's phone rings. Ed looks at it, but doesn't answer. When he does reach across Edd's desk, it's only to pick up a bone.]

Ed: "Cool bone, Double D!"

Edd: "Ed, can you please answer the phone?"

Ed: [the bone in his mouth] "Train me, Double D! Arf! Arf!"

Edd: [heading for the phone] "For all our sakes, let's hope you're housebroken, Ed!" [picking up the phone] "Double D's room, Double D speaking."

[Eddy is on the other end, huddled under a pile of blankets.]

Eddy: [shivering] "Hiya, Double D. Uh, what's up?"

Edd: "Hello, Eddy. Just revisiting my files, dilly-dallying with alpha-numeric organization."

Nat: "Is that Eddy? Tell him I said hi!"

Edd: "Nat says hello."

Eddy: "Thrilling. Yeah, um, listen. Why don't you guys come on over?"

Edd: "Gosh, Eddy, a tad late, don't you think? I mean, Ed was finally going to–" [He stops mid-sentence.] "Please let go of my leg, Ed."

Eddy: "Oh, look, there's a huge spumoni snake crawling under my bed! HELP ME!" [He gasps and makes choking noises before hanging up.] "Ha!" [The doorbell rings.] "Bingo." [opening the door] "Hey guys, what took ya?"

[Eddy is looking the other way, and doesn't notice that he has grabbed Nazz until she starts to speak.]

Nazz: "Sorry I'm late, Eddy. I guess your mom and dad already went out. Poor Eddy. I'll just get your dinner started, okay?" [As Nazz walks to the kitchen, Eddy just stands there stunned. Suddenly, his door burst open. Ed, Nat and Edd rush in, dressed in their Hive Bee Gone coveralls and brandishing brooms.]

Ed: "THE SNAKE! WHERE IS THE SNAKE?"

Edd: "Be gentle with it, Ed."

Nat: "Where's Eddy?"

[A knocking sound comes from above. Ed, Nat and Edd look up to see the door is stuck to the ceiling.]

Ed: [opening the door to reveal Eddy] "Oh, hi Eddy." [Eddy falls out.]

Nat: "Are you ok?"

Edd: "Eddy seems a little groggy."

Ed: "THE SNAKE BIT EDDY! I must extract the venom before it spreads through his veins! Like in the movies."

[Ed grabs Eddy's leg and begins to suck on the skin around the ankle.]

Eddy: "What are you, Ed?" [He shakes himself free. Sounds come from the kitchen. Whispering] "Quick, c'mere, quiet!"

[Nazz is grating cheese into a bowl.]

Eddy: "Look who's grating cheese in my kitchen!"

[Ed, Nat and Edd spot Nazz and stop dead in their tracks. Edd and Ed slowly back out, Nat stays put.]

Nazz: [reading from a list] "So...dinner at seven, and in bed by nine! Easy!"

[Nat looks suspicious and walks away.]

[Eddy is pacing the floor in his room, nervous and worried.]

Edd: "This is quite a pickle. What, may I ask, is Nazz doing in your home?"

Eddy: "What do I know? She just swaggered in and started making me dinner!"

Edd: "Culinary delights? Eddy, you don't suppose that this could be a–date?!"

Eddy: "Of course! A date! Nazz finally gave in to Eddy boy's charm. I got a date with Nazz."

Nat: "Aww that's sweet!"

Edd: "I've read about these encounters. Its maneuvers are quite tricky. At least that's what I've read."

Eddy: "No time for kid games, Double D. I have to go get ready for my date." [rubbing it in] "With Nazz."

[Edd is reading a book called Birds, Bees, and Sweaty Palms.]

Edd: "It says a date begins with witty and humorous conversation, in order to discover compatibility."

Eddy: [hunting through his closet] "In your dreams. My brother told me that chicks are wowed by only one thing–cash." [Ed picks up a razor.]

Edd: "That's so superficial, Eddy! Females admire more meaningful things, like sincerity, respect, and good grooming."

Ed: [turning on the razor] "And potato chips!"

[Eddy pops head out.]

Eddy: [smirking] Oh really? Do you agree with Double D Nat?

[Edd blushes]

Nat: "Sure, although I've never been on a date."

[Eddy snickers and goes back in his closet. ]

Eddy: [stepping out, dressed in a robe] "Do I look like twenty bucks or what?" [He puts a bubble pipe in his mouth.]

Edd: "Or what is a good question. But I feel the pipe is a bit much."

Eddy: "Yeah, you're right." [tossing the pipe away] "It'll distract her from my devilish good looks."

Edd: "Eddy, may I suggest writing Nazz a poem? An ode, comparing her eyes to bottomless pools of beauty. Or a sonnet, detailing your boundless admiration of her personal hygiene. Or a ballad expressing her generous heart as an illuminating light in the darkest shadow."

Nat: [sniffling] "Wow Double D, That was beautiful." 

[Eddy stares at Edd confused.]

Eddy: "Are you talking about Nazz or someone else?"

Edd: "[blushing] "W-Why Nazz of course!"

[Ed appears, shaved. Eddy notices him.]

Ed: "Haircut?"

Eddy: "You guys are clueless. Everyone knows I've got that old black magic." [He dabs some cologne on his face.]

Nazz: [peeking in] "Supper's ready, Eddy." [She leaves.]

Eddy: "You guys and girl gotta help me."

Ed: [as Edd tries to draw his hair back on] "What is wrong, Eddy?"

Eddy: [hiding in his dresser] "Nazz scares me. The date's off!"

Nat: "Eddy please don't keep her waiting."

Eddy: "Forget it! I ain't movin'!"

Nat: [sighs] "Suit yourself."

[Eddy closes the drawer.]

Nat: [whispering] Double D, Ed you guys should go in the dresser with him."

Edd:[whispering] "Why Nat?"

[Nat whispers something in Edd's ear.]

Edd: "Gotcha."

[Edd and Ed go in another drawer. Nat goes over and picks up the dresser.]

Eddy: "Hey what's going on?"

[Nat proceeds to walk with the dresser.]

Eddy: "Nat put me down!"

Nat: "I'm sorry Eddy."

Eddy: "Why are you doing this?!"

Nat: "I just want to help you."

[Nat walks in the kitchen and places the dresser next to the table. She then hides under the table.]

[The microwave dings, and Nazz pulls out a platter of mac-and-cheese.]

Nazz: "Hope you're hungry, Eddy, it's my fave!"

[Nazz turns around to see that tonight a dresser will be seated opposite her. Eddy pushes his drawer open and looks out. When he spots Nazz, he panics silently.]

Nazz: "No dressers at the table, Eddy. You're so funny."

Edd: [in another drawer with Ed] "You heard her, Eddy. We have to lose the dresser."

Ed: "I will close my eyes."

Eddy: "Help me."

Ed: "A is for helping, which comes from a tree. B is for lifting Edd and Eddy!" [He lifts the dresser and shakes his friends out.] "C is for grapefruit, which I don't like one bit, except with cranberry relish and a sprig of–"

Eddy: "She's coming back!" [He throws his friends under the table.]

Nazz: [spooning pasta onto a plate] "I hope you like my macaroni and cheese. I made it especially for you." [She gives the full plate to Eddy. Eddy sits sweating, tongue tied.]

Edd: [whispering] "Why doesn't he say something?" 

Nat: [whispering] "I think he's nervous!"

Edd: [to Eddy] "Eddy! Compliment Nazz on her cooking! Go on! Say it!"

Eddy: "Uh, dip bleh bleh blah bleh bleh?" [He can't speak. Nazz giggles.]

[Nat facepalms and sighs.]

Edd: "Oh dear. A faux pas."

Ed: "Why may em nay I say Ed." [Eddy saws away part of the table and eats it.] "Cool."

Nazz: "Weird." [Ed reaches up, having decided to take control of Eddy's arms.]

Edd: "Remember your manners, Ed. Be confident. Small fork, then napkin. Pause, then chew, then napkin."

[Topside, Eddy's food is getting thrown all over his body.]

Nazz: "Eddy, look at you, you're a mess!" [Eddy waves feebly.] "I think it's time someone had a baaaath."

[Eddy sits there stunned. The doorbell rings.]

Nazz: "I'll get it, while you get ready."

Ed: "Bathtime for Eddy! Oh, look at that macaroni behind your ears, mister." [He carries Eddy away.]

Edd: "I'm ready to embrace a stalemate, gentlemen!"

Nat: "I'll wait here till you guys are done."

Rolf: [in Urban Ranger garb reading from cue cards as Nazz opens the door] "Good day, Mrs. Eddy's Mother. We represent the Urban Rangers. As you can see, we are proud to offer you–"

Jonny: "A block of ice!"

Rolf: "Yes, it's unbelievable! Let us demonstrate its uses." [He switches the cards and looks up.]

Nazz: "Hi Rolf."

Rolf: [stunned] "Ranger Jonny, bring me the map!" [reading the map] "You claim this is Eddy's house, yet I see go-go Nazz girl at the door. No badge for you!" [He rips a badge with a compass on it off of Jonny's uniform.]

Kevin: [offscreen] "Hey Rolf! [Everyone turns to Kevin. He's on his bike] Can I be an Urban Loser?" [laughs]

Rolf: "Why do you mock us at every turn?"

Nazz: "Hi Kevin!"

Kevin: "Whoa! Hey, Nazz. What are you doing at Eddy's?"

Nazz: "I'm babysitting while his parents are out."

Kevin: "No way! Where is the little dork?" [He walks in, and Rolf grins at an annoyed Jonny sheepishly.]

Edd: [turning a tap] "Just a slight adjustment–" [he has filled the tub] "–and your bath awaits!"

Eddy: "Get over it, Double D."

Edd: "But Eddy, Nazz expects–"

Eddy: "But nothing! I ain't getting in the bath."

Edd: "I'll let you borrow my...loofah." [He pulls it out of his pocket.]

Eddy: "You actually carry around a–"

Nazz: [from downstairs] "I hope you're in that tub, young man!"

Edd: "Oh dear. She sounds annoyed! Please, Eddy! Immerse yourself!"

Eddy: "Nope."

Edd: "Excuse me, but is that a word? Eddy, don't forget the foundations of–" [making quotation marks with his fingers] "–court-ship."

Eddy: "I think you need a bath!"

Edd: "But it's your date!"

Eddy: "At least I can get one!"

Edd: [gasping] "Touché, Eddy. But I have an ace up my sleeve." [He snaps his fingers.]

Eddy: "What you mean Nat?"

Edd: [blushing] "N-No of course not!"

Ed: [standing behind Eddy] "Skip to my Lou, my darling."

Eddy: [As Ed tears his clothes off] "Hey, what are you doing? Stop that! Whoa! Ed! No!"

[A splash comes; Eddy is now in the tub.]

Ed: "And this little piggy went home."

Edd: "I left your clothes on the counter. Good luck."

Ed: "Don't forget to write!" [They leave the bathroom.]

Eddy: "This is going just like my brother said it would."

[Nat comes out from under the table. She is about to leave when she notices a paper on the counter. She picks it up and realizes that it was the list Nazz was reading earlier.]

Nat: [shocked] "It wasn't a date at all!"

[Nat leaves the kitchen.]

Rolf: "Look, learn, and be amazed, Kevin boy!" [Kevin and Nazz are seated on the couch. Kevin looks bored.] "Only in the Urban Rangers will you learn the craft of ice sculpture." [He hits the block and the ice crumbles, revealing an ice sculpture of a chicken.] "Behold! A chicken!"

Ed: [entering the room with Edd] "A chicken!" [He runs towards it.]

Rolf: "Stop! Do not touch the ice fowl!" [Ed leaps on the bird and hugs it. He freezes to it.]

Ed: "I l-l-love ch-ch-chickens!"

Kevin: "I'm gonna put on some tunes."

Nazz: "I better check on Eddy."

Edd: [frantically flipping through the book] "Oh dear! She's skipping a chapter!"

[Eddy, still in the bath, hears the music.]

Eddy: "Mood music! I better–"

Nazz: [from the bottom of the stairs] "Eddy! How you doing up there?"

Eddy: "Fine! Fine, yeah I'm okay."

[The sound of someone coming up the steps is heard.]

Eddy: "Wait. She's coming up. I'm naked!" [He looks towards the counter.] "My clothes!"

[He dashes to get them and falls out of the bathtub. Before he can reach them, the doorknob turns.]

Eddy: "J-just one minute!" [He dives back into the water.] 

[There is fast knocking on the door.]

Nat: "Eddy it's Nat I have to tell you something!"

Eddy: "Not now Nat I'm taking a bath!"

Nat: "But Eddy it wasn't-"

[Ed zips past Nat and opens the door.]

Ed: [carrying the chicken sculpture] "Eddy, look! Rolf made a chicken!"

Eddy: [relieved and slightly annoyed] "Ed."

[Ed slips on a bar of soap. As he falls, he loses control of the chicken sculpture, and it tumbles forward at Eddy.]

Eddy: "The chicken! WAIT! ED!"

[Downstairs, the party is heating up.]

Kevin: [bragging to Rolf] "Anyway, my–"

[Suddenly the tub and a giant deluge of water crash through the first floor ceiling. When the wave subsides, the kids are drenched and a broken pipe is showering water on Kevin. Ed stands up in the tub and catches the head of the frozen sculpture, which is assumably broken into many pieces in the bathroom. Nat comes downstairs and is shocked.]

Ed: "Chicken head!" [faints]

Eddy: [covering his naked body] "What's everybody doing in my house!?"

Nazz: "THIS IS NOT COOL! BEDTIME NOW, MISTER!"

Eddy: "Bedtime?"

Nazz: "You have to do what I say. That's what your parents hired me for."

Eddy: "My parents hired you to date me?"

Nazz: [taken aback] "Date?" [seeing the humor] "Uh, they hired me to babysit you, dude."

[By now Kevin is in stitches.]

Edd and Eddy: "Babysit?"

[Nat faceplams and sighs.]

Kevin: "Dorky thought he had a date with Nazz!"

Rolf: "Is Rolf's Nana next?"

[Ed joins in the laughter, and pretty soon the whole gathering, except Edd and Nat, is laughing at Eddy.]

[Nat walks over to Eddy.]

Nat: "Eddy I'm so sorry I tried to tell you."

Edd: [handing his friend a towel] "Boy, Eddy, I would be so embarrassed." [Eddy jumps onto him for the misinterpretation.]

[The party is still going strong. Ed, Nat and Edd have joined, although Eddy is nowhere to be seen. Edd pours Rolf some punch.]

Rolf: "Ah, yes, good. Rolf's thirst is only comparable to the dryness of Papa's chafed elbow."

[Edd then pours Nat some punch.]

Nat: "Thank you Double D."

Ed: [wearing the chicken head as a hat] "Cluck cluck cluck. Has anybody seen my egg, as I am sure I have laid it around here somewhere..."

[Nat goes over to Eddy's room and softly knocks on his door.]

Nat: "Eddy it's Nat are you ok?"

Eddy: [grumpy] "I'm fine!"

Nat: "Ok I'm just making sure."

[Nat goes back to the party.]

[After Nat leaves Eddy opens his door and looks out. He smiles when he sees the party, but ducks back inside when Nazz passes by. He then looks out resentfully at the partygoers.]

Kevin: "Yo Nazz, can I crank these tunes or what? I figure I better ask the babysitter."

Nazz: "Sure, hang on. Let me just close Eddy's door." [She shuts the door on Eddy's neck and fingers.]

Eddy: "YEEOOOCHH!"

Rolf: [the party stopping] "We have woken the baby."

Ed: [taking off the chicken head] "Okay. Back to bed, m-m-mister."

[Eddy blows him a raspberry. While he's blowing, his head slips through the doorway, leaving him hanging by his tongue.]

Eddy: [banging on the door] "Open the door! I'm stuck!"

Jonny: "You're right, it's probably a gas bubble."

Ed: "Spillage emergency!" [He takes Jonny's headwear and ties it to Eddy's tongue like a diaper.] "Baby made a mess."

Eddy: "Open the door, Ed!"

[Nat goes over and opens the door causing Eddy to fall.]

Nat: "Your welcome."


	40. Key to My Ed

[Edd is in the dark. He picks up a beaker of florescent pink liquid and pours it out. Suddenly, the lights flip on.]

Eddy: "What are ya, some kind of troll or something?"

Edd: "EDDY, TURN OUT THAT LIGHT!" [protecting the liquid with his body] "This mixture is very sensitive!"

[The lights go out.]

Edd: "Thank you, Eddy. By multiplying the isolated bubble of carbon gas, I've invented a soda that will never lose its fizz!"

[Ed, Nat and Eddy perk up.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Ed: "Yummy!"

Eddy: "Gimme a taste, will ya? I love pop!"

Edd: "No, wait! Eddy!"

Ed: "Like a sponge, thirsty I am!" [He grabs the bottle away.]

Edd: [flipping on the light] "You don't understand! I haven't tested its stability! It remains unpredictable!"

[While Edd talks, Ed guzzles the entire bottle and lets out a huge burp with his tounge in the bottle.]

Eddy: "That was predictable. Ed, you pig!"

Edd: "Freeze, mister!" [Ed moves into a position and stays still.] "Don't make any sudden movements. Just the slightest twitch might set off the mixture's volatile nature."

Eddy: [lifting Ed's shirt] "And we wouldn't want that to happen, now, would we?" [He takes a feather out and begins to tickle Ed.]

Ed: [laughing and twitching] "Quit it, Eddy!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Stop! Halt! Halt!"

[Eddy continues the tickling. By now, Ed is moving around violently, in the thrall of the feather.]

Edd: "Abstain! Desist! ENOUGH ALREADY!"

Eddy: [stopping] "Don't have a bird, Double D."

[Ed begins to shake. His belly rumbles with the tension. His eyes then turn into spigots and the soda shoots out of his nose. It propels him away.]

Ed: [flying] "Gassy."

[Jonny and Plank are engaged in a staring contest.]

Jonny: "You've gotta blink some time, you rascal, you!"

[Ed's nose soda falls down upon them, blanketing them completely.]

Jonny: "Gesundheit!"

[Ed flies through a yard. He hits a tree, a pole, and a house before plowing through a fence. Soda spills everywhere.]

Eddy: [to the crashed Ed] "Hey Funnelface, Double D said 'don't move!'"

Ed: "Did I go somewhere?"

Eddy: "Nah. Just rest that empty little head, Ed."

Edd: [holding up a key] "Look! I found a key! Keys have quite a history of unlocking the mysteries of time!" [using a magnifying glass to examine the key] "Why, just think how tangled one's life becomes by losing something as primitive as a key. Poor soul."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "Lemme see that key, Double D." [He pulls it away.]

Ed: "I bet that key unlocks big gates of molten lava, releasing the demons from a box of Oat Bran, on the shelf of a mutant truck stop!"

Eddy: "Oh Ed?"

Ed: "Huh?"

Eddy: "Go get the key!" [He pretends to fling it.]

Ed: "Table for two!" [He runs after the key.]

Eddy: "I bet this key could open King Tut's tomb! Or Al Capone's wallet! Or some exploited cartoon character's theme park! It's ours for the picking, boys and girl."

Edd: "Pardon my English, but, get real, Eddy! I suggest we return the key to its rightful owner."

Eddy: "Of course you do! It's the key to the oyster, Double D. Let's find the pearl!"

Edd: [to Ed, who caught him and kept him from falling] "Why thank you, Ed."

Ed: "Does Al Capone's wallet have pictures, Eddy?" [He drops Edd.]

Edd: "Lovable oaf."

[Nat helps Edd up.]

[Jimmy is in the sandbox, playing alone.]

Jimmy: "I hope this sand doesn't get in my loafers." [A hand pushes him forward, destroying his sand castle.] "Hey! Huh? Honest, mister, I'm just a kid. I'm broke!"

Eddy: [trying to use the key on Jimmy's retainer] "Hold still, squirt, I need to see something!"

Jimmy: [his retainer buckling] "Ed! Dy!" [He whines and moans in agony.]

Edd: "For Pete's sake, Eddy, Jimmy's retainer?" [The retainer is horribly mangled around Jimmy's face.]

Jimmy: "Too tight! Too tight! Sarah?" [Hopelessly, he tugs at the mouthpiece and then goes off to find Sarah.]

Eddy: "This key's useless."

Ed: "Oh, I know! Let me try, Eddy!"

[Ed is trying to open Beatrice's udder with the key.]

Ed: "Here we go!" [it doesn't work] "Tricky." [He continues to try the udders.]

Nat: "Ed I don't think the key is for that."

Edd: [sarcastically] "I think Ed's on to something, don't you, Eddy?" [pleading] "Come on, Eddy. Someone is really missing this key!"

[Edd falls off of the cow onto Ed.]

Ed: "Ow."

[Eddy laughs.]

[Eddy is trying to use the key to open a manhole.]

Eddy: "It's a key! It's supposed to open something!"

Edd: "That's right, Eddy. Something dear and personal, like a box of photographs. Or a diary, with pages of truth and duration. Or as simple as a locket of love. It's our responsibility to see this key returns to its forsaken owner so life can–"

[The key pops out and sticks in the gap between Edd's teeth as if it were in the keyhole of a door.]

Edd: "Mortified? Yes. But I won't let myself fall prey to such shallow emotion. Not now." [Eddy slaps his forehead.]

[Nat takes the key out.]

Edd: [as Ed tries to open a fire hydrant] "There's a fellow human crying for help, trying to mend the unraveled ball of yarn handed to them."

Ed: [confused by the hydrant's unwillingness to open] "Hmm."

Edd: "Maybe that's the kind of world you wish to live in, Eddy, where the unyielding and indifferent supersede the benevolent. I say–"

Eddy: "SHUT UP DOUBLE D!" [calming down slightly] "Ed, Nat you understand anything Double D said?"

Nat: "I'd rather not say."

Ed: "Pass the mustard."

Edd: "There's no need to raise your voice, Eddy."

Eddy: "You're right, Double D. I'm sorry."

Edd: "Apology accepted, Eddy." [turning around to talk to Ed] "Ed, Eddy's made a very important first step, and–"

[Eddy kicks Edd in his rear, sending him flying through the air.]

Edd: "EDDDD–DDYYYY!!!!"

Eddy: "My foot apologizes too, Double D!"

Nat: [tired] "I'll go find him."

[Nat leaves.]

Rolf: [carrying a suitcase] "Careful, as the dogs have had their way with that water pump."

Eddy: "Did you see that case? I bet this key is for that case!"

Edd: [talking to Rolf, his hindquarters aching] "...so I feel mankind should reassess its position on the Darwin graph before total social abandonment." [Nat helps him straighten up.]

Rolf: "You need to eat more fiber, head-in-sock Ed-boy." [He spots Eddy trying to open the case.] "You want to see, yes?"

Eddy: "Um, yeah. Sure, Rolf."

Rolf: [opening the case] "It has been passed down many generations. Behold!"

Ed: "It's a whatchamacallit."

Rolf: [with an accordion] "Not even close, square-peg-in-round-hole Ed-boy!" [He begins to play a polka.]

Ed: "A kazoo?"

Rolf: "No. The accordion, yes?"

Eddy: [plugging his ears] "I'm outta here!"

Ed: "Polka time!" [He grabs Eddy and begins to dance while singing.] "You're too fat for me...I'm too fat for you..." [He spins Eddy into Edd's arms.]

Edd: "What? No flowers?"

[Ed then dances with Nat.]

Ed: "You're too fat for me...I'm too fat for you..." [He spins Nat into Edd's arms.]

Nat: [embarrassed] "Oh hello Double D."

[Edd awkwardly smiles while sweating and blushing.]

Ed: "You're too fat for me..."

[Eddy grabs Ed and pulls him off.]

Rolf: "Everybody now!" [He looks around and sees the deserted cul-de-sac.] "Hmm? Ed...boys?Nat...girl?"

[Ed is standing on his head. His shirt falls up, and he pulls it back down. He laughs and has fun playing with his shirt.]

Eddy: [pacing] "This key's gotta open something!"

Edd: "Eddy, let's return the key to whomever lost it! Then, we'll know what it opens!"

Nat: "Double D's right Eddy we should return it."

Eddy: "What, and ruin all this frustration?" [Ed's monobrow creeps by like a caterpillar, carrying Ed with it. Eddy looks at this in confusion.]

Edd: "Think of it, Eddy. There may be a reward? Huh? Huh?"

Eddy: "Like cash?"

Edd: "Booty, Eddy." [chuckles]

Ed: "I wish I had a turtle shell."

Eddy: "Follow my lead." [He mutters a plan to Edd.]

Jimmy: [pretending to take pictures of Sarah] "The fall collection screams 'Color Me Bright!' from House of Sarah's Design."

Sarah: [posing] "Yes, well, I'm tired of this, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Don't stop now–you're famous!"

Sarah: "I am?"

[A paper airplane flies by, straight into the camera. It hits Jimmy in the eye.]

Jimmy: "My eye!"

Sarah: "Who's the wiseguy?" [She pulls the airplane out and unfolds it.] "It's a note."

[A water balloon plops through Nazz's window, a note on it. Nazz goes over to examine it, and the balloon explodes in her face. Nazz pulls the wet paper away and reads it.]

Nazz: "We have what you lost."

Kevin: "If you want it back, be in the lane at three o'clock."

[His note was delivered by way of a giant boulder which was dropped on his bike.]

Rolf: [reading the note, which is in a pig's mouth] "And bring a bag of jawbreakers." [dropping the pig] "Swindlers!"

[The Eds and Nat are running to the lane.]

Edd: "Holding the key for ransom isn't what I had in mind, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Got that right. It's better!"

[Eddy trips over a sleeping Jonny, who is curled up on the sidewalk.]

Eddy: "What's with Jonny?"

Edd: "Must be three o'clock. Jonny always naps at three o'clock."

Ed: "Isn't Jonny scared the VULTURES WILL GET HIM?"

Eddy: "The guy's a hazard. C'mon, we're wasting time."

[He, Nat and Edd continue onwards. Ed stays behind, worried about Jonny.]

Eddy: "Ed!"

[Eddy peeks into the lane. Kevin has a bag of jawbreakers with him and is idly kicking a rock.]

Ed: [to Edd and Nat, carrying Jonny] "Aw, he's drooling."

Eddy: "Ha! It's Kevin! This must be the key to his bike lock."

Rolf: [from the lane] "So, it is you!"

Kevin: "Rolf!"

Rolf: "You have broken the trust of a son of a shepherd!"

Kevin: "Me? Get over it! You blew it, man!"

Rolf: [grabbing Kevin by the shirt] "Confess to your crimes, stale end-piece of white bread! Return my eggplant cups!"

Kevin: "Look who's talking!" [They begin to fight with each other.]

Eddy: "It's an international incident."

Kevin: [twisting Rolf's body into a knot] "Cough up my headphones."

Sarah: [with Jimmy, both have bags of jawbreakers] "Hey! Who's the one who took Jimmy's shampoo!"

Nazz: [still wet, carrying nothing but the note] "Whose bright idea was this?"

Jimmy: "Wait a minute." [He sniffs Nazz's hair.]

Nazz: "What are you doing?" [She pushes Jimmy away.]

Jimmy: "Your hair smells suspiciously herbal fresh." [narrowing his eyes] "Use it or lose it, missy."

[Jimmy attacks Nazz.]

Sarah: "Holy mackerel!" [She helps Jimmy.]

[By now the lane has collapsed into chaos. Eddy looks on, befuddled.]

Eddy: "What the heck are they doing?" [to the kids] "Hey hey hey!" [The kids look up.] "I'm the one with the key!"

Kevin: "Who cares about that stupid key?!"

Rolf: "Poacher!" [He grabs Kevin, and the battle begins anew.]

Edd: "Well Eddy, it seems your key did open one thing: the paranoia and hostility festering beneath the surface of our formerly calm cul-de-sac."

Eddy: [annoyed] "Do you ever turn off?"

Edd: "It's a curse, I'm afraid."

The Kankers: [appearing out of nowhere] "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Eddy: "Kankers."

Lee: "A neighborhood rumble and we weren't invited!"

[The kids scatter, knowing how dangerous the Kankers are.]

Lee: [tapping Eddy on the chest] "Hi Eddy! Wanna fight?" [Eddy hides the key behind his back and giggles nervously.] "Hey! Whatcha got back there?"

Eddy: [backing up] "I have no idea what you're talking about." [He stuffs the key in Ed's mouth.] "Nothing, see?"

Marie: "Give him the lip-lock, Lee."

Eddy: "Take your best shot."

[The Eds and Nat run away. Ed, hindered by his load, is the slowest, and May tackles him. Jonny flies through the air.]

Ed: "Eddy!" [The still snoozing Jonny lands in Eddy's arms.]

Eddy: "Does this guy sleep through the whole show?"

Edd: "Look what they're doing to poor defenseless Ed!"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Eddy: "I knew him well."

[May and Marie are taking turns jumping on Ed's back. With each landing, Ed retches.]

Lee: "Cough it up, Ed." [A sink flies out of his mouth.] [flabbergasted] "This boy's got a big appetite."

[Lee lifts the sink, and the key falls out of the broken pipe.]

Marie: "It's a key, Lee!"

Eddy: "My key!" [Jonny yawns.] "Hey, Kankers! Trade ya!"

[Eddy flings Jonny at the Kankers.]

May: "Heads up!"

[Jonny hits Lee. The key flies out of Lee's hand and lands on the ground, where Eddy picks it up.]

Eddy: [running away] "I got the key!"

Lee: "Get this thing off me!"

May: [disgusted] "Look at the size of his head!"

Lee: "Move it, Marie!"

Marie: "Yeah yeah, quit flappin' your yap."

Lee: "Yuck!" [Marie pulls Jonny off Lee.]

Marie: "Gross!"

Lee: "Is it real?"

[The Eds and Nat run down the lane. Eddy squeezes under a fence. Ed lifts the same fence to let Edd and Nat through.]

Edd and Nat: "Thank you, Ed!"

[Ed drops the fence. He doesn't have the presence of mind to lift it again and go under, so he climbs over.]

Ed: "Not good not good!"

[Lee kicks a board out, and she and her sisters squeeze through the resulting gap.]

Eddy: "Open the door, Double D!"

Lee: [as she and her sisters approach] "This is my favorite part." [They laugh evilly.]

Edd: "It's locked!"

Eddy: "C'mon, willya?"

Edd: "It's locked, I tell you!"

Eddy: "Out of my way, you're doing it wrong!" [He strains against the locked door.]

Edd: "Ed, your door's locked! Get the door, Ed!"

Ed: "No problem, I have a key." [He reaches into his pocket and his hand comes out his pant leg.] "I think it fell out of this hole in my pants."

[Eddy stares at the key the Eds and Nat have been using the whole episode, dumbfounded.]

Eddy: [desperately trying to put the key in the keyhole] "Ed! You idiot! This is your key!"

Lee: [in Eddy's face, leering] "Have we got plans for you!"

[The Kanker Sisters laugh evilly.]

Nat: "Double D do you have another soda?"

Edd: [pulling out a bottle] "Yes but why-"

[Nat takes the bottle and shakes it.]

Edd: "Nat what are you-"

[Nat opens the bottle and soda rapidly comes out hitting the Kankers and pushing them far away out of sight.]

Nat: [to Eddy] "Quick before they come back!"

[Eddy opens the door and all four of them rush inside.]


	41. Urban Ed

[Jonny is sitting and thinking. Something occurs to him, and he moves a chess piece.]

Jonny: "Checkmate!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you sure have lost your finish." [A trashcan lid lands on the board.]

Eddy: "That's home plate, and here's the banana."

Jonny: "Banana?"

Eddy: "Run, Jonny, run!"

Jonny: [running] "Um, okay. Where to?" [He runs into Nat who finishes painting a target to a tree.]

Eddy: "Hit the bullseye, Jonny! Squeeze the banana and hit the bullseye! Do it, hurry! Hit it! Hit it!"

[Jonny does as requested.]

Eddy: [dragging him away] "What are you waiting for? Here's the peas, and here's the straw!" [He pours a bag of peas into Jonny's mouth and sticks a straw in.] "C'mon, Jonny, get the lead out! Shoot the balloons! Shoot the balloons!" [Ed is floating in the air, suspended by four balloons.] "Don't look at me! Shoot the balloons!" [Jonny pops the ballons supporting Ed's arms, making him fall on the ground face first.]

Jonny: [upon hitting the two frontmost balloons] "Oh, boy!"

Eddy: "Don't drop the marshmallows!" [Marshmallows fall into Jonny's arms.] "Quit looking at me! Hurry, Jonny, move it!"

Jonny: [running] "What do I do, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Feed Double D. Feed him Jonny, hurry!"

[Edd is carrying a tuba while sitting on a tricycle. Jonny fires away at it, not getting any in the tuba.]

Eddy: "That-a-boy Jonny!"

Jonny: "Wa-hoo-hoo!"

Eddy: "Touch home plate! Touch it! Touch it!"

Jonny: "I see it, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Go! Run! Hurry!"

The Eds and Nat: "Run Jonny run!" [Jonny dives for the plate but comes up short.]

Eddy: "Touch it! Touch it!"

Edd: "Hurry Jonny, touch home plate!"

Nat: "You can do it Jonny!"

Ed: "Go, Jonny, go!"

Eddy: "What are you looking at?"

Nat: "C'mon Jonny!"

Edd: "You're almost there Jonny!"

Ed: "Aw, look at Jonny crawl!"

Eddy: "Touch it!"

[Jonny crawls to home plate and touches it.]

Jonny: "I did it!"

Eddy: [holding out a jar] "Quick, put a quarter in the jar, Jonny!"

The Eds and Nat: "Hurry, Jonny, hurry!" [Jonny just stares, uncomprehending.]

Eddy: "Put the quarter in the jar!" [The Eds and Nat continue to encourage him. Jonny stands up with the jar.]

Jonny: "Nice try, Eddy." [He hands Eddy the jar back, then walks away.]

Ed: "I helped too, Jonny. I was the balloon guy!"

Edd: "Perhaps we should design a game for Rolf."

Eddy: "What's the use? Look at him, hanging laundry. Boring. And Kevin's fixing his bike–snoresville. Nazz is lounging, and the twerps are playing blocks. Did I mention Nazz lounging?"

Ed: "What a gaggle of sad-sacks."

Edd: "It's the curse of suburban living, Eddy. We're just too distant from the hustle and bustle of the big city."

Eddy: "I love the city! If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere!"

Edd: "Let's not forget the potpourri of urban culture! Museums, theater, and my favorite, libraries."

Nat: "Mine too!"

Ed: [bumping into Edd, knocking him off his tricycle] "Oh, and when you bump into cars they go 'Whoo! Whoo! Barp! Barp!'"

Eddy: "You can make big bucks in the big city."

Ed: "Let's drive to the city, fellas!"

Edd: "We're too young to drive, Ed."

Ed: "My dad has a shovel!"

Eddy: "Well I say if we can't go to the city, let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac."

Nat: "I agree!"

Edd: "I suppose I should find some tape."

Ed: "Not to mention a duck."

[Rolf is finishing the laundry.]

Rolf: "Ahh. The merciless beating with a stick has cleansed Nana's pantaloons, fresh." [Strange noises are heard.] "What is this that fouls the calm of the cul-de-sac?"

Kevin: [shouting] "Hey, Rolf! Your dad shearing sheep again? Keep it down!"

Rolf: "This sound is a mystery to Rolf, as is your mockery of my father's leisure delight."

Sarah: [stepping out of Jimmy's house] "Hey! Keep it down or I'm calling the cops!" [She stalks over.] "How are we supposed to play with all this racket?!"

Jimmy: "I think it's coming from the lane!"

Kevin: "I bet those Eds and Nat are up to something."

Kevin: [looking into the lane] "Awesome."

Nazz: "We've got our own city!"

[The Eds and Nat have indeed been busy; a cardboard city named Ed and Natropolis has been built in the lane.]

Rolf: "Ya ya."

Kevin: "Hoo, rah. The dorks did something cool for once."

Sarah: "Everything's so big and tall!"

Jimmy: "Let's stroll down the boulevard of dreams!"

Jonny: "No, wait!" [The kids turn to look.] "Don't go in there!"

Rolf: "Look!"

Jonny: "The city's a bad place, the city's scary and smelly. It's true! Ask Plank." [The kids ignore him and go past.] "City people ignore you, they're too busy, and walk right past you without even so much as a howdy-do." [He realizes he's alone.] "Huh? Guys? Didn't you hear what I said?" [The kids disappear into the city.] "Boy, Plank, ever feel like you might as well be talking to a piece of wood?" [Plank is gone.] "Plank? Plank? Not you, too!"

Jimmy: [walking, with the other kids, through the city] "I'm tingly all over!"

Sarah: "I've never been to the city!"

Rolf: [talking to cardboard people] "Good day Mrs. Lady. Hello Mr. Fancypants. Greetings city stranger."

Kevin: "They're cardboard, Rolf. Get a grip."

[A traffic light made of a milk carton is seen.]

Sarah: "Go!" [The traffic light switches to stop.]

Rolf: "What barbarian would hang the milk box from a string?"

Sarah: "Geez, Rolf, that's a traffic signal." [A car horn shatters the conversation.]

Eddy: [pretending to drive] "C'mon, I ain't getting any younger. Move it."

Sarah: "Eddy, if you blow that horn one more time–" [Eddy honks again and speeds off, raising a cloud of dust.]

Kevin: "What the–get back here, dork!"

Rolf: [choking on the exhaust] "The city air is thick, like Nano's toenail."

Jimmy: [enveloped in a cloud] "Where'd everybody go?"

Kevin: "Wait'll I find that dork."

Ed: [pretending to be a truck] "Beep beep!" [He speeds past the kids.] "I'm a truck, ten-four. Veering on your crumpet, thing."

Kevin: "They're just trying to bug me. And it worked!" [He runs after Ed. He doesn't get far, however, as he runs into Edd. Edd has an airbag, and it inflates to many times Edd's size.]

Kevin: "You cut me off, Double Dweeb!"

Edd: "I beg to differ, Kevin. My safety bag would not have deployed if you hadn't rear-ended me."

Rolf: "I cannot see past Ed-boy's swollen back!"

Eddy: "What is this, a funeral? Let's go, Grandma!" [Eddy honks his horn, and Ed trundles up to the intersection.]

Edd: "Stay calm. Ignore the peanut gallery." [The light changes.]

Jimmy: "Don't stop."

Rolf: "Yes, go." [Edd makes a hand signal that can't be seen by anyone behind him.]

Sarah: "Look out!"

Kevin: "This guy's a hoot."

Edd: "Can you see my hand signal? Because I'm about to make a turn."

Kevin: "That's it. Stand back, folks." [He picks Edd up and stuffs him between two buildings.] "Road rash!"

Ed: "Smokey's on my tail!" [He drives past. Eddy jumps out of the way while the other kids get run over.]

[Jonny is wandering the bad side of town.]

Jonny: "Plank? Oh Plank? Where are ya, buddy?" [A voice beckons him from an alley.]

Man in Alley: "Hey. Jonny boy. S'matter?" [Eddy steps out.] "Looking for something?"

Jonny: "Plank ran off, Eddy. He's all alone in this cardboard jungle! Have you seen him?"

Eddy: "Hmm. Plank, Plank, Plank. About this tall, smiles a lot?"

Jonny: "You saw him?"

Eddy: "I can't seem to remember." [He pulls a jar out of his pocket.] "How's about refreshing my memory, huh?"

Jonny: [getting violent] "DID YOU SEE HIM OR NOT?!"

Eddy: [cowering] "Nope. Haven't seen him. Beats me."

Jonny: [continuing the hunt] "Plank? Oh Plank?"

Eddy: "How's a guy supposed to make a living?"

[Jimmy is dancing in the streets.]

Jimmy: "Bright lights and skyscrapers, whee! Pinch me Sarah, I'm dreaming!"

[Sarah is nowhere around.]

Jimmy: "Sarah?" [to the cardboard people] "Pardon me, have you seen my friend Sarah? Sir? Too many people!"

[In his head, he hears people laughing at him and babies crying.]

Jimmy: "I feel so congested!" [distracted] "Oh look, a shoe store." [He skips away.]

[Kevin is reading a copy of Bikini Babes.]

Kevin: "Aw, here we go."

Edd: "Shine your shoes, citizen?"

Kevin: "What?"

Edd: [placing a cardboard box on the ground] "Foot, please."

Kevin: "Yeah, yeah, fine." [He puts his foot on the box.]

Edd: [shining the shoes] "We certainly have been having some fine weather, haven't we, sir?"

Kevin: "Enough small talk, what's the damage?"

Edd: "The customer's always right! All done. That'll be 25¢."

[Kevin drops a bottle cap into his palm.]

Edd: "Um, Kevin, you seem to have given me a bottle cap."

Kevin: [walking away] "Life in the big city, pal." [He laughs and walks off.]

Edd: "Kevin seems to have adapted quite well."

[Nat walks by, carrying a pile of books.]

Edd: "May I help you with those?"

[Nat turns around.]

Nat: "Yes thank you Double D."

Eddy: [from atop a building, imitating a pigeon] "Coo coo coo, coo!"

Ed: [next to Eddy] "Oink oink!"

Eddy: [scooping out a spoonful of yogurt] "Pigeons don't go oink, Ed."

Ed: "I'm a gazelle! Oink!" [The yogurt drops.]

[Edd looks up.]

Edd: "Nat!" [He pushes Nat out of the way of the dive-bombing.]

Edd: [realizing what he's done] "Oh my I'm terribly sorry! I didn't mean-."

Nat: "Look out!" [She pushes him away from another bomb.]

Eddy: "Coo, coo!"

Ed: [picking up an anvil] "Quack quack!" [He drops the anvil into the street.]

Eddy: "Ed, you're gonna hurt somebody! This ain't a cartoon!" [The anvil crashes onto the ground. Luckily, it missed Nat and Edd.]

[Edd pulls Nat away from more yogurt as she does the same to him. The yogurt stops falling and they both stand up.] 

Nat: "Are you ok?"

Edd: [blushing] "Y-Yes I'm alright."

Jonny: "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" [He steps in some yogurt.] "For crying out loud!"

[He hears a car's roar.]

Jonny: "Plank! My buddy!"

[Plank is driving a wagon. Jonny has to leap into a trash can to out of its way.]

Jonny: [bangs his head in the trash can as he peeks out to despairing watch Plank drive off] "Plank! Look what the city's done to you. Plank!"

Sarah: [waiting in a line with Nazz] "Lineups. And more lineups. What's with all the lineups?!"

Nazz: "That's what you do in the big city, Sarah. Ohhh my–"

Sarah: "Jimmy?"

[Jimmy has gone off and gotten a snake tattooed on his face.]

Jimmy: "I got a tattoo, Sarah!"

Nazz: "Is that what this line is for?"

Jimmy: "Only 25¢ at Ed's Tattoo Parlur!"

[Ed is tattooing an ear of corn on Kevin's back.]

Kevin: "Get on with it, dork."

Eddy: "Cry me a river."

Sarah: "Hey! You butted in line, Rolf! Get lost!" [She goes over and starts to pound on him.]

Rolf: "Have mercy, rabid youth!"

Jimmy: "Sarah's in trouble, and needs the help of the boy with the snake on his face!" [He hisses and heads into battle.]

Rolf: "Assistance, please!" [Sarah tosses him to the ground.]

Eddy: "Security! Break it up, will ya?"

Edd: [nervous] "But Eddy, situations such as these tend to work themselves–"

Eddy: [pushing Edd] "Get out there! They're scaring our customers, Nat go help him."

Rolf: "Mama, salvage Rolf!" [Sarah brings a cardboard person down on him.]

Edd: [not involving himself in the fight] "People, please, control your–"

Sarah: "Jimmy, careful of his hairy back!" [She goes to help.] "Hold him for me."

Nat: "Everyone please calm down!"

[The fight seems to be climaxing when it suddenly stops. Jonny is in the middle of the warring parties.]

Nazz: "Hi Jonny."

Kevin: "Oh yeah? Well what's two plus two?"

Eddy: "Hey hey hey! Any of that crystal ball stuff'll cost you extra." [seeing Jonny] "Hiya, Jonny. Wanna tat?"

Jonny: "Your city's corrupted the mind of my pal Plank! Surrender, urban fiend!" [He leaps at Eddy and begins to thrash him.]

Eddy: "Help, I'm being mugged!" [Jonny runs away laughing with the money jar in his mouth.] "Did you see that? That bald kid took my money!"

Sarah: [disinterested] "Tell someone who cares."

Eddy: [Kevin snickers at his misfortune] "Ed, do something!"

Ed: "Can I cater a party?"

[Eddy growls and heads out after Jonny.]

[Jonny climbs up the side of a building until he reaches the top.]

Sarah: "What's he doing?"

Jonny: "You better find my Plank!"

Edd: "We'll need some time, Jonny!"

Jonny: "What?"

Eddy: [on the building as well, having followed him up] "Jonny, wait!"

Jonny: "Back off, Eddy, or it's curtains for your dirty money!" [He dangles the open jar over the side of the building.]

Eddy: "Don't even kid about something like that!"

[Spotlights hit Jonny.]

Edd: [using a traffic cone as a megaphone while Ed and Nat use a pair of flashlights as searchlights] "Hey, you up there! Yes, you! With the jar. Someone wants to talk to you." [Edd places the cone in front of Plank.]

Jonny: "Plank, is that you?"

Eddy: "See? Plank's okay. Now about that jar, pal."

Jonny: "Shush. What?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Really? You think I should?"

Eddy: "Should what? What?"

[Jonny hands the money jar's lid to Eddy.]

Plank:

Jonny: "Okay, you brat, you!"

[Jonny hops down onto the next level, tossing the jar in the air and letting it spin.]

Eddy: "Jonny, no!" [Eddy makes a grab at the jar. He catches it upside down. All the money pours out onto the street.] "My money!"

Kevin: "Scrambles!"

Rolf: "Rolf is pleased."

[The other kids join in and grab all the money.]

Eddy: "Hey don't touch that! Put it down!"

[Eddy jumps, and the roof collapses. The other boxes quickly follow suit, folding into one another. Eddy squeezes out the front door.]

Eddy: "That's city property!"

[Having collected all the money, the kids scatter, leaving Ed, Nat and Edd lying on the ground.]

Edd: [dazed] "You're welcome."

Eddy: [hauling Edd to his feet] "Double D, tell me you saved some, tell me we're okay!"

Edd: "Eddy. It was horrible, Eddy! Look what they did to my shirt!"

Eddy: [releasing Edd] "AAARGH! What about you Nat?" 

Nat: "No sorry Eddy."

Eddy: "RAAAH! [He leaps on Ed.] "Okay, lummox, did you get any coins? Did you, huh?"

Ed: "Yeah, I got a bunch!"

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed! Gimme gimme gimme!"

[Ed holds up a worm.]

Eddy: "A worm?"

Edd: "Ironic, don't you think?"

Nat: "Yep."

Ed: [leaning on one of the buildings] "I was too fast for them, Eddy."

[The building suddenly slips and slides to the left. It hits another building, which topples into another. The collisions build in momentum until the city goes down like dominoes.]

Eddy: "My city!"

Ed: "Dominoes! Let's do it again! Here, hold this." [He drops the worm down Eddy's shirt.]

Eddy: "Ed! I don't want it! Double D! Get a net! It's crawling!"

Edd: [giggling] "You know, Eddy, ceaseless toil and broken dreams are the essence of urban living."

[Jonny is riding through the ruined city with Plank in Plank's wagon.]

Jonny: "Ahh. Take a deep breath Plank, you can smell peace, love and tranquility!"

Plank:

Jonny: "I missed you too, buddy! But if you ever do that again, I'll glue you to a rock!"

Plank:

Jonny: "It's a joke, Plank!" [He laughs.]


	42. Stop, Look and Ed

[Ed is twanging a rubber cord.]

Edd: "Ed, please? The vibration from the rubber band could interfere with the gyros of our jawbreaker surveillance satellite!"

Ed: "I have no idea what you just said, Double D. Can I wind it up now? Pleeease? Can I? Huh? Oh, come on."

Eddy: "Hang on to your neck, Orville. Double D, tell me again. I'm drooling!"

Edd: "Well Eddy, with the proper atmospheric conditions our satellite will be able to pinpoint every jawbreaker within a four-block radius of the cul-de-sac."

Eddy: [pleased] "Really?"

Ed: "Contact!"

Edd: "Oh, dear."

Eddy: "Ed, let go of that propeller!" [Ed has wound the propeller all the way up.]

Ed: "Roger, Eddy." 

Nat: "No Ed wait-"'

[Ed lets go, and the propeller begins spinning.]

Edd: "Ed, no, reverse that, grab hold of the propeller!"

Ed: "In your hat, Double D." [He bites down, stopping the spinning blades.]

Eddy: "Now what?"

[The satellite starts spinning. Edd, Nat and Eddy are thrown off. Ed lets go of the propeller, and the mechanism shoots straight up, into the bright blue sky.]

Ed: "Look at it go, guys and girl!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear, oh dear–" [resigned] "Oh well."

Eddy: [defeated] "Just once, I'd like something to go right." [The satellite collides with him.] "Hello!"

Edd: "Lucky for us, I can track its every whereabouts." [He pulls a tracker out of his pocket and runs off. Ed and Nat follow.]

Eddy: [dazed] "Wait up! That's my waffle!"

Jimmy: "Your turn, Sarah!" [Sarah leaps over him.]

Sarah: "Leapfrog!" [The tracker sails overhead.] 

Jimmy: "You're so nimble, Sarah. My turn!" [When he leaps, the satellite hits him.] "Of all the darn luck. Space junk attack! Darn, my perfectly manicured nails!" [His nails can't hold, and he falls off the machine.]

Edd: "If my calculations are correct, it should land–" [a crunch is heard] "...in that tree. Damaged, fractured, and out of order."

Eddy: "Smooth move, Lumpy."

[He, Nat and Edd start for the lawn.]

Ed: [hauling them back] "First one there is a rotten egg!"

Edd: "No, wait! Please, Ed. Send an impulse to your brain and stop!" [He manages to hold Ed back, barely keeping from touching the lawn.] "Ed, are you standing on my shirt with your filthy shoes?"

Eddy: "DOGPILE!"

Edd: [grunting as he holds up Ed and Eddy] "For Pete's sake. We're not allowed on the grass!" [He collapses on the sidewalk. Nat comes over and pulls them off him.]

Eddy: "Who says?"

Edd: "Please read the sign." [He points to a "Keep Off the Grass" sign.]

Eddy: "Keep off. So what?"

Edd: "Eddy, you must observe and obey the sign. Signs are in place so that order is maintained in an otherwise uncultivated society. And I, for one, uphold these silkscreen policies!"

Nat: "Double D's right Eddy."

Eddy: [stretching his leg out over the grass] "Don't you know adults come up with this stuff just to bug us? See?" [He puts his foot down.] "I step on the grass, and nothing happens."

Edd: "Have you no moral fiber?!"

Eddy: "Be a rebel! Try it!" [He tosses Edd down.] "It's just a dumb sign." [Edd is balanced like the hypotenuse of a triangle between the sidewalk and the sign, which he clings to for support.]

Ed: "I'm smarter than a sign!" [He lifts up the edge of the turf and crawls under.] "Look at me!"

Eddy: "Go on, touch it!"

Edd: "I can't! It's not in me, Eddy! Think of the melee and–" [he realizes Eddy is standing on his back] "Excuse me, but has my shirt become a doormat for everyone's filthy shoes?"

Ed: [poking his body out of the grass] "Boing!"

Edd: "Well, I suppose technically Ed's not on the grass."

[The turf rug he ripped off comes flying at Edd and Eddy. Nat pulls them out of the way. Ed proceeds to smack his head against the dirt.]

Ed: "I'm a woodpecker!" [he resumes, then stops] "Except with dirt."

Eddy: [rubbing his hands together] "Let's find some more signs!"

[Wet cement signs are all around. Kevin stands on top of a sign, holding Jonny out. Jonny is extending Plank, and they are both reaching for a basketball mired in the middle of the cement.]

Jonny: "Plank says he's almost got it!" [The ball sinks under.]

Kevin: "Rats." [He pulls Jonny in.]

Jonny: "That coulda been us! Good thing Plank read the sign."

Eddy: "If someone told you to jump off the Empire State Building, wouldja?"

Edd: "Don't jump, Eddy, don't!" [Eddy leaps off of one of the signs into the mire.] "Oh, you're so stubborn."

Kevin: "What're you doing, dork?"

Eddy: "I'm following my own rules, Kev. If you want the ball, just get it." [He fishes the ball out, and Ed leaps from one spot of the cement to another, grabbing the ball in his teeth as he goes.]

Sarah: "Oh, you're in big trouble, Ed!"

Eddy: "Nah. Rules are for losers."

Ed: [making a cement angel] "I'm an angel, Sarah!"

Kevin: "What a couple of screwballs."

Edd: [clutching at Kevin] "Try to talk some sense into them! They're loose cannons, ready to blow!"

Kevin: "I'll give you three to let go of me." [Edd immediately does so, clinging to Nat instead. He immediately realizes this and lets go embarrassed.]

Eddy: [pulling out a cake] "Let's have some dessert before dinner and eat it with our hands!" [mouth full] "Then talk with your mouth full."

Ed: "Eddy's the man!" [He scarfs down the rest of the cake.]

Sarah: "Mom's gonna be so mad, Ed!"

Eddy: "You kids still listen to Mommy and Daddy? Too bad. I guess you won't be joining us for an after-dinner swim."

Jonny: "You can't do that, Eddy!"

Eddy: "We can do whatever we want, Jonny boy."

Jimmy: "But you'll get a cramp!"

Eddy: "That's exactly what adults want you to think."

Edd: "Okay. This has gone far enough!"

Jonny: "Can me and Plank go to bed without brushing our teeth?"

Eddy: "Let 'em rot, Jonny boy!"

Sarah: "Can I stay up late?"

Jimmy: "Can I wear shoulder pads?"

Eddy: "Knock yourself out."

Kevin: [grabbing Eddy] "You're just trying to get us in trouble, aren't cha?"

Eddy: "Help, help! Kevin's beating me up!" [Kevin drops Eddy.] "Is the fuzz on its way? I think not." [to Kevin] "See, you live by the rules. Just like Double D and Nat."

Edd: "But rules are a joy to uphold!"

Nat: "There's nothing wrong with that!"

Kevin: "Dork alert! Rules are for losers!" [A ball of wet cement plasters him just above the left ear.]

Ed: "What do I win?"

Kevin: "A five-finger sandwich, ya big–"

Ed: [tickling Kevin] "Coochie coochie coochie!"

Kevin: [laughing] "Quit it!"

[Rolf, carrying a big bale of grass on his back and pushing Wilfred in a wagon, walks down the street.]

Rolf: "Come, Wilfred, we have much to do!"

Eddy: "Hey Rolfy! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

Rolf: "Who is this Jack? I know no Jack."

Edd: "Don't listen to him, Rolf! Eddy only wishes to eviscerate social order as we know it!"

Ed: [riding Wilfred] "Ed on a pig!"

Nat: "Ed please don't hurt him!"

Edd: [running after the pig] "Ed! You can't do that!"

Eddy: "Take a break, will ya? Relax!" [He pushes the bale off Rolf's shoulders.] "Wouldn't you rather be sloshing around in some wet cement?"

Rolf: "Why do you hinder Rolf's drudgery, three-haired Ed-boy? If my chores are not complete, I will be banished to the–" [shuddering] "–cupboard."

Eddy: "Who's gonna know? C'mon, there's a clod with your name on it." [He indicates the kids.]

Rolf: "Rolf is humbled by the cement. It makes him yearn for the life of leisure."

Ed: [playing with Wilfred] "Ha ha, what a pig."

Rolf: [joining the kids] "Give it up for Rolf, everybody!"

Edd: "Well it seems you've convinced all but two, Eddy, that rules need not apply in this cul-de-sac. Well mister, I remain an anchored ship to those rules. Terra firma, baby." [Eddy smiles evilly.] "A penny for your thoughts? Not good!" 

Nat: "Oh no!"

[Eddy plunges a large cardboard box over Edd and Nat.]

Eddy: "No rules rule, Double D! Nat!"

Nat: "Eddy let us go!"

Edd: "Eddy! Help us!"

Ed: "Arf!"

Edd: "Gah! Eddy, stop!" [Eddy is mixing up the books in Edd's room.] "What in the Sam Hill are you doing? I precisely alphabetized those books for immediate reference!"

Eddy: "Alphabets are for soup." [picking a book up] "What's this? 'Joys of Rules'? Man, get a life, Double D."

Edd: "Eddy, no!" [Edd is only restrained by his hat, which is tied to a lamp. The arms of Nat's sweater is also tied to the lamp, restraining her as well. Eddy stuffs a fish in the middle of the book and slams the book shut.] "Okay, that's it! I'm gonna give you such a thrashing!"

[Edd's hat pops off of his head.]

Eddy: "Geez Louise!"

Ed: "Cool."

[Nat stares in shock.]

Edd: [nervous] "If you say one word to anyone I'll never speak to you again!"

Nat: "Eddy please stop!"

Eddy: "Stay outta this turtleneck!" [He opens the window, and holds Nat's butterfly house out.] "Or I let your caterpillars go!"

Nat: "No please they haven't grown yet!"

Ed: [Edd's skull on his head] "I am dead from the neck up."

Eddy: [tearing the covers from Edd's bed] "I'll just save it and use it for ammo when I need to, Double D."

Ed: "Eddy's always a step ahead."

Eddy: [noticing the tag] "Ooh, look at this thing. Do not remove under penalty of law."

Edd: "Eddy, don't you dare remove that!"

Eddy: "Or what?" [singsong] "I feel my hand slipping!" [He starts to tear it away.]

Edd: "No, Eddy! You can't!"

[The tag tears through completely.]

Eddy: "I'm such a bad boy!"

Nat: "Eddy I'm begging you!"

Edd: [Opening the house] "What did I say?"

[Having had enough Nat slips out of her sweater and takes the house away from Eddy. The Eds stare in shock as she slips back in her sweater.]

Nat: [worried] "Don't ask, Don't say a thing, or I'll never forgive you!"

Edd: "You've broken me, Eddy."

Eddy: "Hmm?"

Edd: "Set me free and I'll join you in destroying everything that separates us from the primates."

Eddy: "Now we're making progress."

Ed: [holding Edd's ant farm] "Yum! Like cheese?"

Edd: "No, Ed. Progress, not–" [seeing what Ed's holding] "Process! Put them down, Ed! You leave my ants alone!" [Ed spills the farm, and Edd wraps his legs around Ed's neck.] "Five thousand two hundred and thirty-nine ants, Ed! Pick them up, pick them up!" [He begins to strangle Ed with his legs.]

Eddy: "Slow down, Double D."

Ed: [choking] "I'm sorry."

[Ed accidently bumps into Nat and she drops the house opening it and releasing all her caterpillars.]

Nat: "My caterpillars!" [She puts her arms around Ed.] "I'm begging you please pick them up!" [She ends up squeezing Ed.]

Ed: [turning blue] "I'm sorry."

[Eddy opens the door and drags Ed with him.]

Nat: [still squeezing Ed] "Ed please come back and pick them up!"

Edd: [still strangling Ed] "Where do you think you're going? Get back in here! Five thousand, two hundred and thirty–" [Ed's head slips from the headlock, and Edd and Nat shoot back inside. His ants and her caterpillars go out the door.]

[Eddy steps carefully through the cul-de-sac. All of Rolf's animals are running wild.]

Eddy: "Hi, Rolf."

Ed: [chasing a chicken] "Chickens!"

Eddy: "How's it going, Stretch?"

Rolf: [relaxing] "No more chores for Rolf. I am a lazy good-for-nothing, just like the others."

Kevin: "Say goodbye to dirty dishes!" [He shoots the dishes with a slingshot.] "Awesome, eh, Nazz?"

[Nazz takes a big swig from a bottle of soda and belches deeply in reply.]

Kevin: [amazed] "Good on ya."

Nazz: "No rules rule."

Jonny: [running nude through the cul-de-sac] "Feel the wind, Plank!"

Sarah: [on top of an ice-cream mountain] "Banana chocolate fudge!"

Jimmy: "And lemon sorbet!"

Sarah: "Meet you at the bottom!" [She slides down, guzzling ice cream all the way.]

Jimmy: [finishing his slide] "I love ice cream! Yummy!"

Eddy: "Isn't this cool, Ed? We can do whatever we want!"

Ed: "Like fly?" [He attempts this and falls on Eddy.]

Edd: "Attention please. Your attention please!" [He is wearing pantyhose on his head and standing on a fire hydrant.]

Ed: "Why's Double D wearing pantyhose on his head?"

[The cul-de-sac goes silent in order to listen to Edd.]

Edd: "I have good news for us all. I have taken the liberty of phoning all your parents!"

The Kids: "What?"

Nazz: "Oh man!"

Jonny: "You didn't!"

Kevin: "You're bluffing."

Edd: "No! Really! They're on their way home right now. No thank-you's are necessary."

Eddy: "He's flipped!"

Ed: "Am I in trouble now?"

[The cul-de-sac panics and tries to clean up the mess.]

Rolf: [gathering his animals] "Come, Wilfred! Quickly!"

Sarah: [cleaning up the mountain] "Scoop faster, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "My tummy hurts!"

Nazz: [ants crawling on her] "Get off!"

Jonny: "I can't find my clothes!"

Edd: "No need to panic, as order will soon be restored!" [Ed pulls Edd off of his perch.]

Eddy: "Now we have to do what grown-ups tell us to again!"

Kevin: "Double Dork! You broke the number one rule: don't squeal!"

Rolf: [rushing past] "Wilfred is a very quiet pig, Kevin."

Kevin: "Hold it, Rolf." [He pulls Rolf back.] "Give me a hand here."

Rolf: [tossing his animals away] "Yes. The closet can wait!"

Jonny: [getting in line next to them] "I've got goosebumps!"

Eddy: "See, Double D just broke a rule. Like us, guys."

Edd: [not recognizing his crime of being a tattle tale] "No, I didn't–"

Eddy: [clamping Edd's mouth shut] "He's delusional. The pantyhose is too tight. His brain is squished."

[Ed, happy with this explanation, nods smilingly.]

Kevin: "I think it's time for a little order."

Rolf: "Ya ya."

[Jonny laughs menacingly as they close in on the Eds.]

[The Eds are stuck in a cage that hangs from a tree branch.]

Eddy: "I can't believe you told on us!"

Edd: "I apologize. I'm not sure what came over me. The flagrant disregard for rules must have caused me to go, uh, temporarily insane."

Ed: "Somebody's coming!"

Eddy: "Hey, over here!" [He puts out a sign saying "Help."] "Help?"

Edd: [holding a "Please Assist" sign] "Please assist!"

Ed: "Ketchup!" [He holds out a sign with the word written on it.]

Eddy: "Yoo hoo, up here!" [Rolf walks by.]

Ed: "Just a squirt?"

Rolf: [faintly] "You crazy?"

Eddy: "Can't you read?"

Edd: "Signs are meant to be read?"

Ed: "There's Jonny!"

Eddy: "Hey, up here!"

Jonny: "Listen to the clams gurgle in the bucket, Plank."

Eddy: "Help us out!"

Jonny: "Gesundheit!"

Eddy: "Be a rebel, c'mon!"

[Nat shows up in a t-shirt and scarf, holding her butterfly house.]

Eddy: "Nat finally what took you so long?"

Nat: [annoyed] "Well I WOULD have been here sooner but I had to look for my caterpillars and Double D's ants."

Edd: ''You found them all?"

Nat: "Yes ALL of them."

Eddy: "Yeah whatever can you let us out?"

Nat: "Fine."

[Nat takes of her headband and uses it's edge to pick the lock. The cage unlocks and she pulls the Eds out.]

Edd: "How is that possible?"

Nat: "Cartoon logic."


	43. Honor Thy Ed

[We are looking at a field of dandelions. Slowly, a cactus rises up out of them. We then see that the cactus is balanced on Ed's head. Ed looks across the field, and the camera follows his line of sight. In the middle of the dandelion field is an old, creepy house. Ed grabs some dandelions and runs away.]

Ed: "I found some grass, Eddy!"

Eddy: [grating something carrotlike] "Whoop-de-do, Ed." [He tosses the carrot away, where it lands next to a bunch of crayons.] "Cheese, grated and waiting! Ready to roll, Double D and Nat?" [Eddy is apparently grating crayons to make fake cheese.]

Nat: "Almost Eddy."

Edd: [folding a paper plate] "Don't rush me, Eddy." [sarcastic] "There's an art to folding tacos from paper plates."

Ed: "¡Olé!" [He places the dandelions in the freshly-folded plate.]

Edd: "Everyone's a critic."

Eddy: "Art, schmart. Everyone will buy our tacos! It's a cinch!" [We get a view of the full tack stand. It is called "Taco Ed and Nat's Mexican Kwseen."]

Edd: "Grass, paper plates, and crayon for cheese a taco does not make, Eddy."

Ed: "Cheddar!" [He begins guzzling the fake cheese.]

Edd: "For goodness sake, Ed! Did that really taste like cheese?"

Ed: "It's orange like cheese."

Edd: "Really. So if what you're saying is true,–" [he picks out a blue crayon] "–this blue crayon must be a blueberry pie."

Nat: "But it's not-"

[Ed eats the crayon in one bite.]

Ed: "Tart yet crusty."

Eddy: "You guys quit fooling around!" [pulling out a giant bottle] "I've still got to add my brother's secret–"

Edd: "Banana." [He holds up a yellow crayon.] "Yellow is for banana. You are a banana!" 

Nat: "Double D I don't think you should-"

[Edd takes a bite and almost immediately spits it out. Eddy holds in his laughter as he watches Edd. Nat sighs.] 

Edd: "Water! Water! Don't just stand there!" [He grabs the bottle of hot sauce and chug-a-lugs.]

Eddy: "But–" [Edd finishes chugging the sauce, and Eddy grabs the bottle back before pouring it on the fake tacos.] "That's the first time I've seen someone guzzle my brother's Armenian secret hot sauce!"

Edd: "It certainly rid me of that horrible non-toxic waxy aftertaste."

Ed: [eating a taco drenched in sauce] "My mom says not to pick my belly button."

Eddy: "I don't believe it. It's not working! This sauce is supposed to be a real gut-burner!" [He takes a lick.]

Nat: "Really? May I try it?" 

Eddy: [giving the bottle] "Knock yourself out."

[Eddy looks over at Edd. Edd turns red and steam billows from his ears and hat. Eddy then looks over to Ed, whose head now resembles a burnt out match.]

Ed: "Hi Eddy!"

[We now see Eddy's reaction. He, like Edd, has turned red. However, his three hairs now resemble three fuses, burning down to his head. The stand explodes in flames. Nat drinks the rest of it and when she's done it has no effect.]

Nat: [confused] "Am I supposed to feel something?"

[The Eds each glom down on a sprinkler. The sprinkler slams the boys back and forth repeatedly as it washes their mouths free of the spicy aftertaste. Suddenly, a cry is heard.]

Jimmy: "Aiieee!"

Edd: "Oh dear. A shriek of terror!"

Ed: "Dad's home!"

Nat: "It's Jimmy!"

[The kids are gathered around the dandelion house. Jimmy is slumped; it seems he has fainted and is just coming to.]

Kevin: "What's up with Fluffy?"

Jimmy: [pointing at an open window] "There! In the window! A dark figure cast a shadow! Its body contorted with a hideous hairdo! Hold me!" [Jimmy hugs Sarah for comfort.]

Sarah: "Are you sure, Jimmy?"

Ed: "Stand back!" [He grabs the duo.] "Protect yourselves!" [Ed stuffs them under his shirt.] "Who knows what evil lurks behind the hallowed walls in the house of the haunted!" [Jimmy screams.]

Jonny: "It's the house of the mad logger who chops down trees and hacks them into coffee tables!" [Jimmy screams.]

Rolf: "Wait! This house is owned by the provoked opera singer, who lures little boys and girls with enchanted arias!"

[Jimmy screams, but no one hears him, as the empty jar of hot sauce has been placed over his head by Eddy.]

Eddy: "Grow up! It's just an empty house, geez!"

Kevin: "Go check it out then! I dare ya."

Eddy: "Yeah, well, maybe some other time. Ed needs me to change the newspaper under his bed."

Ed: "Changed it this morning, Eddy!" [Edd and Nat look at Ed, perturbed.]

Kevin: "I'll give you a jawbreaker, if you go inside the house." [Eddy looks at the sparkling candy and grins.]

Eddy: [grabbing his friends] "What are we waiting for?" [He pushes them towards the house.]

Edd: [scared] "Eddy, don't you see through Kevin's cheap attempt to get us to go in that filthy house?"

Nat: "Apparently not."

Ed: "Dandelions!"

Eddy: "All we have to do is stick our foot in the door, and bingo! Jawbreaker for Eddy."

[Ed sneezes, and the dandelions all disappear. The Eds and Nat approach the front door.]

Eddy: "Get any on ya, Ed?" [He peers through a window.]

Edd: "Do you see anything, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Yeah. Dark. Lots and lots of dark."

Nat: "Oh no."

[Ed sneezes, and the resulting rebound force sends him and his friends crashing through the front door.]

Ed: "Dandelions, Eddy."

Eddy: [looking around] "Huh?"

Edd: [crushed between Ed and Eddy] "Ed, could you please get off my face?"

Eddy: "This house isn't haunted! It's a dump!"

Ed: [getting up] "This looks like the house from I Was A Cotton Swab In Madame Tongue-Itch's Earwax Museum: The Mini-Series!"

Eddy: [in a spooky voice from behind a row of candles] "Double D!! Let me poke your brain!" [He laughs evilly, and Edd faints. Nat catches him.]

Ed: "You scared Double D, Eddy."

Eddy: "I did, didn't I! 

Nat: "Eddy can we please go now?"

Eddy: "No way! C'mon, I got an idea."

Nazz: [worried] "D'you think they're okay?" [Sudden crashing is heard.]

Eddy: "No! Ghosts! Help! It's Got Me! Oh! No!"

Kevin: "Whoa!"

Eddy: "Keep it away from me! Oh no! Aah!"

Jimmy: "Oh, the inhumanity!" [He faints.]

Rolf: "Pain-in-the-neck Ed-boys and quiet Nat-girl are goners!"

[Inside the house, Eddy and Ed are hammering the walls and making noises.]

Sarah: "Someone help my idiot brother!" [Ed is in the window, being strangled.]

Kevin: "I take back everything I've said about the twerps!"

[Ed moves closer to the center, and we see that he was actually choking himself.]

Kevin: "Huh?"

Jonny: "Of all the lousy tricks!"

Eddy: [going to the door] "Enough torture. Let's let 'em off easily and collect our jawbr–What the?" [He sees a spider on the doorknob.] "Hit the road!" [He flicks the bug off, and the doorknob comes loose, hitting the floor and rolling into a hole.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: [distraught] "Tell me that didn't happen!"

Ed: "It didn't happen."

Eddy: "Nothing that a little Eddy magic wouldn't fix."

[Eddy goes over to the door and messes with the doorknob on the other side. That knob falls off, and Eddy's finger ends up stuck in the hole.]

Eddy: "My finger's stuck, guys and girl!"

Ed: "Ah, good trick, Eddy. My turn!" [He deepens his voice.] "I am the cotton swab! Release the wax, ear person!"

Edd: "You're scaring me more than usual, Ed! PLEASE PULL EDDY LOOSE SO WE CAN LEAVE!"

Eddy: "Careful, Ed. I bruise like a banana."

Ed: "Tally-ho!" [He pulls back on Eddy, stretching him out.]

Eddy: "Harder, Ed!"

[Ed steps on a loose board. It gives way, and the other end hits a music box on a table, triggering it.]

Eddy: "What's that?"

Ed: [in amazement] "It's the Phantom of the Earwax!" [Nat proceeds to help Ed pull Eddy out]

Edd: "Phantom?" [hysterical] "That's it, let me out, let me–" [Eddy's arm comes loose] "–out?"

[The potential energy is abruptly transformed to kinetic energy. In other words, Eddy's arm comes back with enough force to knock him, Ed, Nat and Edd back a long way. They slam into a door and hurtle into a basement, screaming all the way.]

Kevin: [eating the jawbreaker] "Quit milking it, polter-dorks!"

Rolf: "Your bamboozle has soured like Nano's denture water!"

Kevin: "Bamboozle?" [He laughs.] "Haven't heard that one!"

[The kids all leave. The Eds and Nat continue down the stairs. The door continues its ride until it runs into a wall. The Eds and Nat end up in front of a mirror.]

Eddy: "Oh, my aching head!" [In the mirror, his head is oddly shaped.]

Edd: [rising to his feet] "That was quite an experience." [His head looks odd as well.] "Is it me, or do our heads look like yams?"

Nat: "I don't think it's you."

Ed: [standing in front of a mirror, which shows his butt as incredibly large] "Big butt, so what."

Edd: [realizing] "It's a mirror! A room full of mirrors!"

Nat: "Cool!

Eddy: "Sweet!"

Edd: "Yams. What was I thinking?" 

[Nat turns around and spots a book.]

Nat: "Double D look!"

[Edd turns around.]

Edd: "Look at that! A poor, defenseless book, abandoned and tossed aside, like some cheap comic! Who would do–" [He spots another on a flight of stairs.] "Interesting. There seem to be–Ooh! Look, another one!" [He follows a trail up the stairs. Nat follows him.]

Eddy: [the mirror showing his chest as large and muscled] "Check this out, guys. Take a load off your eyes."

[Behind Ed, a dumbwaiter comes into place, a box of Chunky Puffs inside it. Ed turns to look.]

Ed: "Chunky Puffs! Yum yum yum!"

[Ed dives into the dumbwaiter and begins eating. The dumbwaiter goes up again almost immediately after he gets in.]

Eddy: "Ed? Nat? Double D? Where the heck are they?" [He scratches his head and notices that the doorknob holder is still stuck to his finger.] "I hate you! Knob holder thing!" [He strains to get it off his finger.]

Edd: [coming to the top of the stairs] "Can someone so well-read be so illiterate? I ask you. Oh, another one!"

Nat: [close behind] "I don't know."

[Edd gasps along with Nat. They have entered a very-well stocked library.]

Nat: "Wow."

Edd: "Rapture."

Nat: "Let's look around!"

[Eddy is still in the basement. Suddenly, the floor moves beneath his feet.]

Eddy: "Where's the room going? Where am I going?" [The rug sucks him into the base of the stairs by which they entered.] "HELP! The staircase is eating me!"

[Nat is looking around when she spots a book with a butterfly on it sticking out of the bookshelf.]

Nat: "Wow a butterfly book!"

[When Nat tries to take the book out part of the bookshelf rotates and trapes her inside.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Books upon shelves upon walls of literature!" [He spots a book put in sideways.] "Bohemian! Someone's really trying my patience."

[Edd runs off and returns with a mobile ladder. He climbs the ladder and sets the book right.]

Edd: "Perfectly shelved."

[Edd climbs down the ladder. As he does so, a trapdoor opens, revealing more ladder rungs.]

Edd: "Now, where was I?"

[Edd continues to climb down, and the trapdoor shuts above him.]

[Eddy spots a piggy bank at the top of the stairs.]

Eddy: "Hello." [filled with greed] "Piggy bank! Money! Come to Papa!"

Edd: [still lowering himself, unaware that he's left the library] "Professor Double D, Book Archivist. I like the timbre of that."

Eddy: [stretching his body up the stairs] "Eddy, filthy rich jawbreaker tycoon. Oh yeah!"

[Eddy grabs the pig, which is on a lever.]

Eddy: "Bingo!"

[Eddy pulls the lever forwards, and the bottom stair lifts up, releasing him. He goes flying forward.]

Eddy: [trying to reach inside] "Okay, cough up the dough, you little porker." [to his doorpiece] "For crying out loud!"

[Eddy hits a wall and falls, headfirst, into a barrel. His feet are all that stick out. The barrel then moves next to a trashcan. A trapdoor opens over the can, and a ladder is stuck out.]

Edd: [obliviously climbing down] "Nobel Prize winner Double D. Nice."

[Edd falls into the trashcan. When he rights himself, the first thing Edd sees are Eddy's shoes.]

Edd: "NYAHH!"

Eddy: [popping up] "What?"

Ed: [behind the two] "Tsk, tsk. Do you know how long I have been waiting?"

Edd: "Where is Nat?

[A model train located under the containers blows its horn and starts to carry them away.]

Eddy: "Now what?"

Edd: "I'm not sure I'm the right height for this ride."

Ed: "Choo choo!"

[The Eds enter a dark room.]

Ed: "Creepy."

Edd: "Enterprising."

[The Eds go on a roller coaster ride, certain parts lit by spotlights.]

[The Eds burst through a heart. All of them are naked.]

Eddy: [his barrel now with a suit painted on it] "Where'd this come from?"

Edd: [his barrel with a muscleman's torso painted on it] "MY CLOTHES! THEY'RE GONE! I'M NAKED!"

Ed: [a sailor suit on his barrel] "Barnacle!"

[The train turns right, and takes them on a track surrounded by neon hearts.]

Edd: [going insane] "It's a nightmare, I tell you."

Eddy: "Is it Valentine's Day?"

Ed: "Gross!"

[The train comes upon a doll of Eddy, ironing a sock.]

Eddy: "Is that me?" [He ducks under the display.] "Ironing clothes?" [Edd ducks under it as well, but Ed smashes it.]

[The Eds come upon a doll of Edd, washing dishes.]

Edd: "Oh, my! Look at the soap film on those dishes!"

[The last doll to appear is one of Ed, watching TV.]

Ed: "Who's that good-looking guy?"

Eddy: "Get some glasses, Ed."

[The train takes a downhill turn.]

Eddy: "Whoa!"

Edd: "Augh!"

Ed: "Gravy!"

[The train rams into a box that appears to be a giant version of the music box encountered earlier.]

Ed: "Is the ride over?"

[Three figures wearing veils emerge from the box's depths.]

Edd: "Oh dear. I fear it's just begun."

[The figures lift their veils to reveal that they are the Kankers.]

The Kankers: "Here come the brides!" [May whistles seductively]

Eddy: "Kankers? Brides?" [He ducks down in his barrel.]

Edd: "The Kankers tricked us. It's a wedding, Eddy!" [He hides in his trashcan as well.]

Ed: "But I can't dance, Eddy!" [His canister tips over.]

May: [taking some dandelions from him] "Flowers for your bride? How sweet."

Lee: [performing the ceremony] "Pick up your grooms and spit out your gum." [Her sisters do as instructed.] "We are gathered here today to join in marriage the Kankers and the Eds! They promise to love, honor, and obey, or we pound them."

Marie: "Blah, blah, blah, quit showing off, Lee! May, get the rings."

Eddy: "Rings?"

May: "Whatchu got, a piano tied to your leg?" [She pops the tab on a can of soda.]

Ed: "Soda."

May: "Hold still, Mr. May. With this ring I do thee wed." [She places the tab on his finger.]

Ed: "Doody?"

Marie: "Where'd my pumpkin go? There you are!" [spotting the cowering Edd] "Wait'll you see what I cooked you for supper!"

Edd: [a nut on his finger] "Breathtaking."

Eddy: "Hah! No ring for me!"

Lee: "Don't play dumb." [She holds up his doorpiece-clad hand.] "You had your ring all along."

Eddy: "Man, they're good."

Lee: "I now pronounce us husband and wives!"

Ed: "Do you think there will be a reception?"

[The Eds are dragging a wagon carrying the Kankers. Trashcans are tied to the back.]

Eddy: [barely keeping up with Ed] "Slow down, Ed!"

May: "Woo hoo! We trapped us some men!"

Jimmy: [running towards the commotion] "I hear wedding bells! C'mon, everybody!"

Jonny: "Plank, look!"

Nazz: "Cool, where?"

Kevin: [watching the procession arrive] "Check it out, it's the Dorkbusters! I'd hate to see their kids."

Jonny: "Would you look at that!"

Jimmy: "How romantic!"

Rolf: [mockingly] "Save me some cake, Ed-boys!"

Jimmy: [throwing rice] "Good luck rice for the newlyweds! Whee!"

May: "That kid's throwing stuff at us!"

Lee: "Hit him with these." [She hands May the dandelions.]

Jimmy: "The bouquet! It's all mine!" [The flowers hit him in the face.]

Sarah: "Jimmy! Are you all right?" [She helps her friend to his feet.]

Jimmy: "Isn't love a many-splendored thing, Sarah?"

Nat: "Oh Kankers!"

[The Kankers turn around while the Eds stop and turn as well.]

Nat: "You can't have a wedding without the best woman!"

Lee: "We're already married!"

Nat: "But what about YOUR rings?"

The Kankers: "OUR rings?"

[Nat holds up three rings made from wire and rocks.]

Lee: "Give us those!"

Nat: "You want them? Come and get them!"

[Nat takes of running while The Kankers get off their wagon and chase after her. They chase her back to the house. She opens the door and throws the rings inside as they go after them. She closes the door and locks it. The Eds show up.]

Edd: "Nat are you alright?"

Nat: "Yeah I'm fine, Let's make a vow not to go in that house again."

The Eds: "Agreed."


	44. Scrambled Ed

[Edd looks over a toothpick model of a bridge. He rubs his eyes, and places a toothpick with a triangular banner on it on top of one of the bridges posts.]

Edd: [tired] "Complete." [he stops a timer] "In only fourteen hours and seven minutes."

[Edd looks straight ahead, dazed.]

Edd: "Sleepy, sleepy sleepy."

[Edd puts his head on his desk and goes to sleep. Suddenly, a loud crash comes, and we see that somebody has put a foot through Edd's door. Despite this, Edd is so tired he doesn't awaken.]

Eddy: "There's a knob, Ed." 

[There is a knock.]

Nat: "Double D can we-"

[Eddy opens the door.] 

Eddy: "Double D! Are you sitting for this one?"

[Edd is sitting, but he is so exhausted that he takes no notice and simply continues to snore.]

Eddy: "Good! The biggest cash cow ever to be milked is on our doorstep!" [plopping down on the bed] "Not one to gloat, but, man, am I good."

[Ed and Nat go over to the sleeping Edd and looks at him.]

Nat: "Eddy he's-"

Eddy: "I see a big sign over a ocean world: Ed's Sea Ranch!"

[Edd continues sleeping, blissfully unaware of Eddy's plans.]

Eddy: "Is he sleeping?" [annoyed] "The least you could do is humor me, Double D!"

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Ed: [worried] "Oh, this may not be Double D at all, Eddy, but a clone, put on this planet to–"

[Eddy flicks Ed away. He then pushes Edd's nose to the table until Edd awakens and gasps for breath. Edd staggers backwards and bumps into Ed]

Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He collapses into the gentle arms of sleep again.]

Nat: "Eddy I think we should let him sleep."

Eddy: "No way we need him!"

[Eddy grabs Edd by his hat.]

Eddy: "C'mon, Sockhead, I need you pal! Ed's Sea World, I tell ya!" [Edd doesn't awaken.] "What a lump."

Ed: "Why thank you Eddy."

[Eddy pulls out Edd's labeler and uses it to tape Edd's eyes open.]

Ed: "Hello Double D."

Eddy: "Now that I got your attention, I need you to figure out the plans for–"

Ed and Eddy: "–Ed's Sea Ranch!"

[Nat sighs]

[The strain on Edd's eyelids becomes too great for the tape, and the tape breaks.]

Edd: [shutting his eyes and yawning] "Sleepy sleepy sleepy."

[A confluence of yawns makes its rounds among the Eds.]

Eddy: [to Ed] "Hey, grab Double D! We got work to do."

Ed: "Right behind you, Eddy."

[Nat reluctantly follows.]

[Eddy motors into the woods and stops. He jumps on Edd's back, and Ed continues to drag Edd forward through the woods, Eddy riding on Edd.]

Eddy: "No kid can resist otters, and dolphins, and maybe a giant shark exhibit? Who likes the shark exhibit!" [Ed runs into the creek.] "What the?"

Ed: "Location, location, location." [dragging a drenched Edd out] "Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead." [He shakes Edd out like a wet towel and places him on a boulder]

Eddy: "Okay, We got a spot. So what's next, Double D?"

Edd: [barely awake] "Build a pen to house the aquatic creatures."

Ed: "Oh! I got one!" [He pulls open his jacket to reveal a fridge, and takes out a bottle of mustard.] "Alley-oop!" [Ed squeezes the mustard, and a pencil eeks out.] "Here's your mustard, Double D."

[Edd mutters unintelligibly and takes the mustard.]

Eddy: [annoyed] "He asked for a pen!"

Ed: "He asked for mustard, Eddy. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?"

Eddy: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Nat: "He didn't ask for-"

Ed: "Oh, look! Double D is planning!"

Edd: [blearily drawing on the boulder] "Land water pounds per square inch containment."

Eddy: "We're gonna be rich! You could buy a chin, Ed! Think of it!"

Edd: [finishing the plans and waking up a little] "Elementary."

Eddy: "Woohoo!" [He stares at the plans.]

Edd: [handing him a list] "Supplies and materials."

Eddy: "What would we do without you, Double D?"

Ed: "Live the life of Riley?"

Eddy: "Shut up Ed." [He drags Ed off to fetch the supplies. Nat stays with Edd.]

Nat: "I'm so sorry about this Double D."

Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He wakens long enough to shift his position on the rock he is on.]

Ed: "Supplies!" [He dumps the supplies on top of Edd.]

Eddy: "We got everything on the list Double D, now what?" [not spotting Edd anywhere] "Where's...where's Double D?" 

[Nat just points underneath the supplies.]

Eddy: [realizing] "Lemme guess. He's under the supplies, right Ed?"

Ed: "Yep!" [Eddy hits him with the rolled-up list.] "Did you get it, Eddy?"

Eddy: "We need Double D, Ed." [he kicks Ed into the pile] "To realize my dream of Ed's Sea Ran–"

Ed: [plopping Edd's rock on Eddy] "Found him."

Eddy: [dazed] "I'm okay, 'cause I'm gonna be rich." [pulling a muffler out and staring at the plan] "Now let's see, where does this doohickey go?"

Ed: "I'll get the other stuff."

Eddy: [hauling Edd upright] "I can't read your plans. Where's this thing go?"

Edd: [talking nonsense] "Attach it spefically to the barsh-niggum abitalluby tim." [He falls asleep, and Eddy hits him with the muffler.] "Parallel to the car seat!" [He goes to sleep again, this time with an aching head.]

Eddy: "Thank you."

[Eddy climbs up a tower of stuff to place it in the indicated position.]

Eddy: "Woohoo! Thar she blows! All we need now are some exhibits."

[The building in question is a large arc. Both sides are made up of various household implements, and in the center hangs a sign reading "Ed's Sea Ranch."]

Nat: "Really Eddy we should leave Double D alone."

[Eddy ignores her.]

Eddy: [sweetly] "Oh Double D? Where do I find some sea creatures?" [angry, shaking the tired Edd] "Stinky sea fish, Double D!"

Edd: "Tired. Bed. Spongy. Sea." [He droops and nods off.]

Eddy: "Of course! The greatest of all creatures! Sea-bed sponges!" [noticing a problem] "Where do you get sponges?"

Ed: "Oh oh oh me me me!"

Eddy: "Ed."

Ed: "At my house!"

Eddy: "No way!"

Ed: "No lie." [He pulls Eddy with him.]

Eddy: "Sweet."

Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [He begins to snore again.]

Nat: "Why is he so stubborn?"

[With nobody watching, the arc collapses. The stream is dammed and runs dry. Fish are seen dying, and it seems as though Ed's Sea World is an impossible, nonexistent dream.]

[Ed hauls Eddy into his bedroom and throws him on a chair.]

Eddy: [babbling] "Photos with the sea sponge, 25¢, Double D! You got a camera, go get–" [notices that Edd's not with them] "Where's Double D?"

Ed: "Do not adjust your set." [He runs out.]

Eddy: [chasing him] "Hurry, Ed, we need Double–"

Ed: [coming back with Edd] "Ssh! He is sawing logs, the little dickens." [Ed sets Edd on his sofa, and Edd slips off.]

[Nat tiredly follows behind.]

Eddy: "What took ya?"

Ed: "I read books, Eddy."

Eddy: "Back to business, Ed! Where's those sponges?"

Ed: [clamping his hands over Eddy's mouth] "SSSHH!" [whispering] "The walls have ears, Eddy. Follow me." [He drags Eddy into the bathroom.]

[Nat picks Edd up and places him on the chair.]

Nat: "I'll get you a pillow ok."

[Nat leaves the room.]

Edd: "Oh, sleepy, sleepy, sleepy." [sighting Ed's bed] "Bed."

[Edd heads over to the bed. Pulling away the covers, he sees the horror that lies beneath.]

Edd: "Not if it was the last bed on earth."

[Ed tears the wallpaper away from one of his bathroom's walls, revealing a stash of sponges.]

Eddy: "It's the mother lode!"

Ed: "I collect sponges, Eddy."

Eddy: [ecstatic] "Double D! Check this out!" [He pulls a sponge from the pile, and the pile collapses onto him.]

[Nat comes back with a pillow and sees Double D gone.]

Nat: "Double D?"

Jimmy: [in a nurse's uniform] "After you, doctor."

Sarah: [as a doctor, entering her room] "Thank you, nurse."

Jimmy: "AAAAHHH!"

[Jimmy and Sarah catch sight of Edd, collapsed in Sarah's bed.]

Sarah: [on the verge of throttling Edd] "DOUBLE D, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Edd: [exhausted] "I'm azleepy sleepy sleepy..." [He trails off and goes back to sleep.]

Jimmy: "Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?"

Sarah: "I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead!"

[Sarah shakes Edd, and the boy shifts in her bed.]

Sarah: "He's worser than I thought! Let's operate!"

[Jimmy, imitating a siren, drags him out of the house in a wagon which serves as an ambulance. As they go past, Eddy heaves the garage door open.]

Eddy: "Double D?"

Ed: [popping up from under a stepping stone] "Double D?"

Sarah: "Double D?"

[Edd is stretched out on a table. Sarah uses her hands to pry open his mouth.]

[Nat looks for Double D in Sarah's room.]

Nat: "Double D?"

[Nat hears Sarah say Edd's name and looks out the window. She sees him on the table.]

Nat: "Oh no."

[Nat runs out the room.]

Jimmy: "Egads! Shouldn't you be wearing gloves?"

Sarah: "No time. His brain's broken!"

Jimmy: "Holy smoke! Brain surgery!"

Sarah: "Come on, Nurse, move it!" [Jimmy hauls a purse onto the table.] "Glue." [Jimmy hands the glue over.] "Mallet." [Jimmy gives the mallet.] "Faster!"

Jimmy: [with a saw] "Now let's fix that brain!"

[Edd is suddenly dragged off the table.]

Sarah: "Huh? WE FOUND HIM FIRST!"

Eddy: [Ed holding Edd by the legs] "Take a hike! His brain belongs to us."

[Ed nods assent. While he's nodding, Kevin steals the brainy Ed-boy.]

[Nat comes outside and sees Edd no longer there.]

Nat: "Ed where's Double D?"

Ed: "Kevin took him."

[Nat goes after Kevin.]

Kevin: [dragging Edd behind him] "I'll knock two points off your dork rating if you figure out what's up with my bike chain." [The chain has clearly fallen off the gears.]

Edd: [Kevin shakes Edd's head and Edd recites dentistry] "Liberally apply toothpaste for cleaner, brighter teeth."

Kevin: "Toothpaste? Radical." [He drops Edd, and Rolf grabs the exhausted boy.]

[Nat shows up too late.]

Nat: "Kevin where's Double D?"

Kevin: "Rolf took the dork away."

[Nat sighs in frustration and goes after Rolf.]

[Rolf's garden has become infested with lobsters.]

Rolf: "Look Ed-boy! Lobsters! Look! Am I crazy? Rolf's garden has been cursed!" [he plucks a carrot, and water spurts up] "Do you see? A fountain! Look! A cure for Rolf's curse, Ed-boy?"

Edd: "Hot wax for more manageable follicles."

Rolf: "Ah, yes, the wax. Simple, yes. Thank you!" [realizing he has lobsters clamped to him, he screams in pain] "Scourge of the seas! Release Rolf! Nana, find the pliers!"

[Rolf runs away, and Edd curls up against a tree.]

Edd: "Sleepy sleepy sleepy." [Jonny peeks out from behind the tree.]

Jonny: "Be brave, Plank. Double D will help." [to Edd] "Double D? Can you help us?"

[Edd lifts his bleary eyes.]

Jonny: "It's a little embarrassing." [whispering] "Um, Plank's got this growth." [Plank is indeed growing a twig.] "Is it serious?"

[Edd laughs hysterically, and then climbs on top of Jonny's head, where he settles down to sleep.]

Jonny: "Double D was laughing with you, not at you, Plank! You're silly."

[As he walks away, Ed grabs Edd and yanks him away.]

[Nat shows up at Rolf's garden but doesn't see Rolf or Edd anywhere.]

Nat: "Rolf? Double D? Where are they?"

[Nat runs off to go find them.]

Ed: [in the lane, handing Edd to Eddy] "One Double D, hold the onions!"

Eddy: [trying to drag Edd away] "Gimme him! We gotta finish our Sea Ran–" [a force pulls in the opposite direction] "Whoa!"

Kevin: [yanking on Edd's arm] "This dork owes me a bike chain!"

Eddy: [latched on to Edd's legs alongside Ed] "He's my dork, leggo!"

Sarah: [making the scene] "Look, Jimmy, our patient!"

Jimmy: "I wanna take his temperature!"

[Sarah and Jimmy join the tug-of-war, using Edd's free arm as their pressure point.]

Eddy: "Leave Double D alone! He's ours!"

Sarah: "He's sick! Gimme 'im!"

[Nat shows up and sees the kids pulling Edd. She stares in shock.]

Nat: "Everyone stop please!"

[They ignore her and continue.]

[Rolf comes upon the scene, lobsters attached to his body.]

Rolf: "Ed-boy! A moment of your time? Ow, Eee! Never use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters. Thank you. NANA! HAS THE WATER COME TO A BOIL YET?" [He runs away.]

Nat: "Please stop!"

[The kids continue to ignore her.]

Nat: [angry] "EVERYBODY STOP!"

[All the kids stop and stare at Nat.]

Nat: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?! CAN'T YOU SEE HE'S EXHAUSTED?!"

[The kids put him down. They continue to stare as Nat picks Edd up.]

Nat: "I'm taking him home to rest and I don't want anyone else bothering him!"

[Nat walks away with Edd while the kids just stare in shock.]

Jonny: [about to use hedge clippers on Plank's twig] "Rolf's weird, huh Plank?"

Plank:

[Water suddenly gurgles out of a knothole in the fence.]

Jonny: "Uh-oh, trouble!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Something's dammed the creek causing it to flood the cul-de-sac?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Do you think so?" [He puts Plank's growth in the knothole, stopping the flow.] "A little wet, but I'm okay!" [He pats his friend.] "Thanks to you!" [More holes open, water spurting through.] "Holy cow! AAH! AAH! AAH!"

[The levee breaks, flooding the cul-de-sac.]

Ed: "Sea Ranch! I am Neptune, King of–"

[The wave hits them, stopping Ed from speaking further.]

[Nazz looks out her window and yawns. She stares despondently at the waterlogged cul-de-sac. The Ed's Sea Ranch sign floats by overhead. On top of the sign sit Jonny, Rolf, and many barnyard animals, including Rolf's goat, a pig, a cow, and five chickens. The sun beats down heavily on the makeshift raft.]

Rolf: "How long have we been adrift, Jonny?"

Jonny: "Plank says, beats me!"

Rolf: [scratching his chin] "Rolf's premature facial hair burdens him."

[Jimmy and Sarah float past on another piece of wood.]

Jimmy: "My tummy's cramping! I'm so hungry, I'd even eat processed cheese!"

Rolf: "Rolf's belly would like food too."

[He looks around the raft at his various animals. His gaze then alights upon Jonny. Before Rolf's very eyes, Jonny's head is transformed into a magnificent roast turkey.]

Jonny: "How ya holding up, Rolf?"

Rolf: "If we do not find dry land soon, I will have to feast upon your succulent...noggin."

Jonny: [confused and a little creeped out] "Okay...Let's go check the fishing net, Plank."

[Jonny grabs a giant fishing net and heaves it aboard. In the net are Eddy, and some lobsters.]

Rolf: "Quick Jonny, get the stick!"

Ed: "Ahoy!" [He leaps from the water.] "It is I, Neptune!" [He reenters the water.]

Eddy: "He's a natural. Ed could be the star attraction for Ed's Sea Ranch!"

Ed: [breaching again] "King of the sea!"

Rolf: "Did you find the stick, Jonny?"

[The sound of something being hit is heard.]

[Nat is inside Edd's house carrying him to his room. She puts him in his bed and tucks him in.]

Edd: [still tired] "Thank you Nat."

[Nat smiles and proceeds to leave but before she does she goes back and kisses Edd on the cheek.]

Nat: "Sleep well Double D."

[She leaves the room as Edd smiles in his sleep.]


	45. Rent-a-Ed

[A sign reading "Cirkus Eds and Nat" is hung on the swingset. Eddy pops up in front of it.]

Eddy: "Ladies and germs!" [The kids are sitting in some makeshift bleachers.] "The moment you've been waiting for, Circus Eds and Nat is proud to present, all the way from Reno, the one, the only, the Flying Eduardo Brothers and Sister!"

[Jonny claps as Nazz yawns.]

Ed: "You've got them in the palm of your hand, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Follow my lead, boys and girl." [He leaps down.] "Hup hup!" [He stands on his head.] "Hip!" [Eddy returns to earth.] "Ho ho!"

Ed: "Zippety do-dah!" [He spins.]

Nat: "Zippety de!" [She dances.]

Edd: "Um...knit one, perl two?" [He does jumping jacks without jumping.]

Rolf: "Why is Double-D Ed-boy calling the Chestnut Elves?"

Sarah: "This stuff stinks!"

Kevin: "Snoresville!"

Ed: "Okay, um. Watch this, little sister." [Ed throws his friends in the air. He catches them on his feet and proceeds to juggle them using just his feet.] "I saw this on TV." [The kids cheer, and Nat, Edd and Eddy land on one end of the teeter-totter.]

Nat: "Impressive!"

Edd: "My, how athletic!"

Ed: "Hi dee ho!"

[Ed is perched at the top of a very tall slide.]

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed!"

Kevin: "The dork is toast!"

Ed: "Toast?"

Eddy: "Hup hup."

Edd: "No no!"

Nat: "I can't look!"

Ed: "Hup hup!" [He leaps off the slide and plunges towards the ground.]

Jonny: "Nice form, huh Plank?"

Jimmy: "Jeepers."

Nazz: "He's dropping like a rock!"

[Ed hits the teeter-totter and plows straight through it, carving a hole in the playground. He pops his head out.]

Nat: "Is it over?"

Ed: "Ob-la-di, ob-la-da."

Edd: "Twinge, hurt, bruise, sting!"

Rolf: "Loop-de-loop Ed-boys and Nat-girl have boiled an egg, yes?"

Kevin: "Laid, Rolf. Laid an egg?" [He laughs.]

Eddy: "Give it up for–" [A half-eaten hot dog hits him in the face, and the kids exit the bleachers.]

Kevin: "Wicked toss, Rolf."

Jimmy: "They broke the teeter-totter, Sarah."

Eddy: "Hey, wait! We still gotta shoot Ed out of a cannon!"

Ed: [scanning the skies] "Guys and girl?"

Edd: "Fortunate for us they didn't ask for a refund, Eddy."

Eddy: "Like they'd get it."

Edd: "We'll need it in order to pay a repairman to fix this teeter-totter."

Eddy: "Double D! You're a genius. Everything breaks sooner or later. And we can fix it! For a token fee of course."

Ed: [still believing the stunt worked] "Guys and girl?"

Edd: "I'm tired, Eddy." 

Nat: "Couldn't we just–"

Eddy: "Nope." [He carries Nat and Edd away.]

Ed: "Eddy? Nat? Double D? Stop fooling around and fall down, guys and girl!"

[Jimmy looks into an oven where some sailor-shaped cookies are baking.]

Jimmy: "Yummy, my sailor cookies are perfectly baked and ready for dunking." [He tries to pull the oven door open.] "What's this?" [Jimmy heaves at the door.] "It's stuck!" [Smoke comes from inside the oven.] "My cookies! S.O.S.! Mayday! Man the lifeboats!"

Eddy: [kicking Jimmy's door open] "No joke when it's broke, don't be blue, let Ed and Nat's Quick Repair Service fix it and you won't sue!"

Edd: "You should have hired someone to fix that rhyme, Eddy. Sheesh."

Nat: "It wasn't that bad."

Ed: "I smell cookies! Yum yum yum!"

Jimmy: "Go away! I'll fix it myself!"

Eddy: "Seems like we have a do-it-yourselfer here. Fine. Seeya."

Edd: "But Eddy, the oven!"

Nat: "We should fix it!"

Eddy: "Time's money, Double D, Nat. Eenh, Jimmy'll fix it himself." [He walks out.]

[Jimmy stares into the oven. The cookies are burning.]

Jimmy: "Eddy, wait! My cookies, they're burning!"

Eddy: [on the other side of the door] "For a nominal fee..."

Jimmy: "Anything, just name it! Fix my oven, Eddy!"

Eddy: "You'll have to wait downstairs. Insurance stuff, you know." [He pushes Jimmy out and looks at the oven.] "Yep. It's broken alright."

Edd: "Very good, Eddy. Now that you've unraveled the riddle, how do you plan to–" [A hollow bang comes.] "Eddy, no! Ed, stop!" [Eddy and Ed are bashing the oven with various pieces of furniture.]

Nat: "You're making it worse!"

Jimmy: [hearing the noise] "Laborers scare me."

Edd: "HOLD IT! Can I interject? Call me crazy, but if we start by turning off the–"

Ed: "Let me, Double D!" [He rips the control for the oven off the panel.] "It is off. Good, huh?"

Nat: "That's not what he meant!"

Edd: [frantic] "Is it me? It's him, right?"

Nat: "Pretty sure."

Eddy: [as more smoke comes out] "Boy, those cookies are getting crispy."

Ed: "Wait! My brain is working." [He throws the oven against the wall.] "Yep."

[The oven door pops open and Jimmy's cookies fall out. By now, they are so hot that as soon as they hit the floor they burn through, leaving sailor shaped holes.]

Eddy: "Nice one, Ed."

Jimmy: [seeing the rain] "My cookies!" [looking up] "My ceiling!"

Nat: "What now?"

Ed: "Tally-ho!"

[The Eds and Nat leave by a back route.]

Jimmy: "My oven!"

Eddy: [chewing Ed out] "Ed, quit it, willya? We need to fix things, not break 'em!"

Ed: "Fix it. Got it."

Jonny: "Aah! Eee! Oooh! Aaah!" [He falls out of the tree by which the Eds and Nat have congregate, and his head gets wedged between two branches.] "I did it again, huh, Plank?"

Eddy: "Climbing trees again, Jonny boy?"

Jonny: "Give me a hand, guys and girl, I'm stuck!"

Eddy: "It's your lucky day, Jonny. For a nominal fee, we can repair that head of yours!"

Jonny: "Repair? I need rescuing!"

Eddy: "Repair, rescue, same price, Jonny. Fix 'em, Ed."

Ed: "Read 'em and weep, Eddy!" [He pulls on Jonny's legs.]

Jonny: "Wait! It's too tight, Ed!"

Eddy: [spotting a bill in Jonny's pocket] "Oh look, a tip, Why thank you." [Jonny snaps back up, slamming Eddy to the ground.]

Edd: "Eddy, with proper lubrication, Jonny's head would simply slip out."

Nat: "Jonny do you have anything?"

Jonny: "I've got some dish soap in the kitchen."

Eddy: "Glad I thought of it! We'll soap up his melon, and collect our fee!"

Jonny: "Not so fast! Plank's going too. Keep your eyes on 'em, buddy." [Edd takes the proffered wood.]

Edd: "How anyone could find detergent in this mess is beyond me!"

Nat: [spotting it] "There you are!"

Ed: [searching under the sink] "There you are!" [He pulls the plumbing from the walls.] "Weird bottle, huh?"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Eddy: "What, again? Ed, you're a–"

Jonny: "Is everything okay in there, Plank?"

Eddy: "Everything's fine. Ed found a leak in your pipe–uh–your faucet. For an extra quarter, we can tweak it."

Jonny: "Well, I guess so."

Plank:

Jonny: "What's that, Plank?"

Plank:

Jonny: "They did what?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Where?" [Eddy clamps his hand over Plank's mouth.] "Get me down from here! Help! Someone!"

[Eddy backs into the house.]

Edd: [very worried] "Sick, I think I'm gonna be sick. We don't have the proper tools to fix this!"

Nat: "What are we going to do?!"

Eddy: [barely keeping calm] "It's under control, relax. We've got the ultimate tool."

[A montage follows where the Eds and Nat use Ed in various ways to fix Jonny's plumbing.]

Eddy: [by a poorly fashioned sink] "We were born to do this Double D, Nat."

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Edd: "This is a natural talent? It's not fixed! Look at it!"

[The sound of an engine firing up is heard, and Edd, Nat and Eddy gasp. Ed has collected the spare plumbing.]

Ed: "Can I build a birdhouse with this stuff?"

Nat: "Um Ed."

Edd: "Where did you eviscerate that heat radiator from?"

Ed: "There." [He points at a pipe which is spewing steam.]

Edd: "Oh dear! Quick, do something, shut it off!"

Ed: "Boy, it is hot in here. Are you hot, Nat? Sweat is trickling down my neck."

Nat: "Yep, Since I'm in a sweater I'm extra hot."

Edd: "I'm melting. It's becoming a sauna in here."

Eddy: "A sauna! That's it! A spa! Why fix things when we can fix people? Sauna, sweat, and makeovers! Cashola in the bank-ola!"

[A wooden sign is hung over Jonny's face.]

Sarah: "Cheaz La Sweet? What's that?"

Jimmy: "That's 'Shae La Sweat,' Sarah. Sweat's good for your skin! C'mon, let's cleanse our pores!"

Sarah: [following Jimmy in] "Sweat stinks."

Jonny: "Hello? Who's there?"

[Jimmy walks up to the door. Before he can open it, Eddy throws it open.]

Eddy: "Mon grate, welcome to Cheaz La Sweat!"

Jimmy: "Eddy!"

Eddy: "Comon vu, au grauton? Look, see, la facial! And the grand piece of resistance, la sauna!"

Jimmy: "My dream come true!"

Eddy: "Cough up la fifty cents, oui oui?"

Jimmy: "Yes yes!"

Sarah: [grabbing the money] "Not so fast! You guys wrecked Jimmy's room and we're not paying one red cent!" [She grabs Eddy and shakes him.] "GOT IT, MISTER?"

Eddy: [dazed] "Very good. Voolah voolah towel over yonder."

Sarah: "Lovely, thank you."

Edd: "Freshly laundered towels, only twenty-five cents!" [Sarah and Jimmy each go by but leave no money.] "Um, each?"

Sarah: "This better be good."

Jimmy: "Fancy."

Ed: "Come again!" [He is tied to a support beam and acting as a towel rod.]

Eddy: "Any damage? What'd ya break, Ed?"

Ed: "I've been a good towel rack, Eddy."

Eddy: "I know you have, Lumpy. Let's just make sure you stay good." [He tightens the knots binding Ed in place.]

Edd: "Okay then. You've ordered our Stately package. The opulent hair treatment for Jimmy, and the exfoliating facial for Sarah." 

[Nat puts an applicator in a jar of peanut butter.]

Sarah: "What's that stuff?"

Edd: "A secret blend of organic minerals to help that haggard skin."

[Eddy grabs the jar and pours the whole spread onto Sarah's face.]

Edd: "Seems efficient."

Sarah: "Hey, my skin feels tingly-tingle!"

Jimmy: "I told you, Sarah!" [A glob of peanut butter lands on his curls.] "Be gentle."

Eddy: [working the spread in] "One baguette, hold the mayo!" [He shapes Jimmy's curl into a horn.]

Jimmy: [admiring his new look] "It's so brave! I love it!"

Eddy: "Next, La Sauna! Double D? Nat?" [kicks the chair and knocks Sarah and Jimmy off]

Edd: [escorting them in] "Mind your heads, please. La Sauna cleans and purifies the skin." [They pulls back a shower curtain and shows them into another area.] 

Nat: "You have company."

[Inside are Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz.]

Rolf: "Close the curtain, as it is colder than my Nana's wooden leg!"

Edd: "Um, Sorry, Rolf. Room for two?" [Sarah and Jimmy enter.]

Sarah: "Jimmy?"

Edd: "Relax and enjoy." 

Nat: "Call if you need anything."

[They exit.]

Rolf: "This hot steam makes Rolf's flesh shed tears of impurity. Aah."

Sarah: [lifts her hand off Rolf's sweat] "Yuck!"

Nazz: "My pores are screaming."

[Rolf turns the steam up and stands in front of it.]

Rolf: "Ooh! Aah! Fresh! Ha ha!"

[Rolf's towel falls off.]

[Edd is pacing outside the sauna.]

Jimmy: [from inside the sauna] "How embarrassing!"

Nazz: [leaping out] "Rolf, you're so gross!"

Jimmy: [comes out with Sarah] "Run away!"

Kevin: "You're on your own, dude!" [laughs]

Eddy: [confused] "Can somebody tell me what's going on?"

Rolf: [opening the sauna curtains] "I must protest the rudeness of your guests!"

Edd: "What just happened?" [He sees the naked Rolf and hides under his hat.] "Make yourself decent, Rolf!"

Nat: "Is everything ok?" [She also sees the naked Rolf and pulls her sweater over her face.] "Oh my goodness!"

Eddy: "You're scaring the customers away, Rolf! Put your towel on!"

[Ed bursts through the wall, the beam still tied to him.]

Ed: "Towel rack at your service!"

Eddy: "Now look what you did!"

Edd: [peeking from under his hat] "I can't bear to look. Has Rolf–IS THAT THE SUPPORT BEAM TO THE HOUSE?!"

Nat: [pulling her sweater down] "WHAT?!"

Ed: "What's a support beam?"

[The house begins to shake.]

Edd: "This has been quite a day..."

Nat: "I agree."

[The house develops cracks all over its structure and collapses in upon itself.]

[The house is a smoldering pile of rubble. A shirtless Kevin heaves himself out of some of the wreckage and looks around. His eyes finally land on the Eds and Nat.]

Kevin: "Oh, man...you guys are in so much trouble."

Eddy: "Tell me about it, I lost my money."

Edd: "How can you even think about money at a time like–"

Eddy: "Oop! Found it!" [He picks up his money can.] "Did you miss me?"

Kevin: [gleefully] "Jonny's gonna–" [Jonny kicks the door down on top of him.]

Jonny: "Homewreckers! Look how unhappy Plank is!" [He holds up the spa sign. One of the four wooden pieces used to construct it is Plank.]

Jimmy: [woozy] "Rubber baby buggy bumpers."

Ed: "He's reaching for Jimmy!" [Jonny has indeed picked Jimmy up and uses the sign as a shield.]

Eddy: "Relax, Jonny, we're repairmen. We'll fix it."

Jimmy: "I'm scared of heights!"

Jonny: [swings the horn-haired Jimmy at the Eds and Nat without further ado] "Touché!"

[Jimmy's horn slices through Ed's bonds, and Ed joins his friends in their attempt to escape.]

Ed: "Run!"

[Jimmy is thrown at Eddy, and Jimmy hits the ground in front of him and sticks like a javelin. Eddy slowly backs up.]

Jimmy: "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Ed: "We are surrounded!" [The kids have circled them.]

Nat: "What do we do?"

Edd: "Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home."

Eddy: "Yeah right. They'll never catch the Flying Eduardo Brothers and Sister!" [He rips off his shirt to reveal his original costume.]

Edd: "You're still wearing that thing?"

Eddy: "Hup hup!"

Ed: "Ho ho ho, hip!"

Rolf: "Not again! Those good-for-nothings are good-for-nothings!"

Edd: "Careful, Ed!"

[Ed uses his leg muscles to launch his friends into the stratosphere.]

Ed: [backing up to catch them] "Hip hip, um, arf arf!" [He stands on a fire hydrant.]

[Edd, Nat and Eddy come down on Ed with such force that Ed is plunged into the pavement. The ground under them begins to bulge. Suddenly, the hydrant erupts, propelling them into the air.]

Kevin: "Hey, the Ed-weirdo brothers and Nat ain't too bad."

Eddy: [on top of the spout] "Thank you! Thank you very much! You're beautiful!"


	46. Shoo Ed

[Kevin opens what is presumably a car's trunk. He is in the junkyard. He pulls something out–specifically, an air freshener in the shape of a tree–but then frowns, as it wasn't what he was looking for.]

Kevin: "Awesome!" [He pulls a bike pedal out. It is revealed that he was looking in the hood of a car.] "Just what I was looking for." [The sound of someone cracking their knuckles is heard. Angrily] "Who's there?" [The junkyard is eerily silent.] "This place gives me the creeps." [He turns around to see Plank immediately in front of him, startling him.] "AAH!"

[Kevin trips over something, landing on an ironing board. This board surfs down a mountain of junk until it crashes into a washing machine, launching Kevin head-first into another mound of rubble. His legs pop up out of a toaster on the top of the heap.]

Jonny: "Whatcha doin', Kevin? Did you lose something? Maybe he lost something, Plank. What's that, Plank?"

Plank:

Jonny: [to Kevin] "Plank says you should be more careful not to lose things."

Kevin: [kicking the toaster off his foot] "You're bugging me, man. Take a hike!"

Jonny: [holding out a toilet seat] "Did you lose this, Kevin?" [from behind another trash heap] "Hey, Kevin, Plank found a bedspring!" [from yet another heap] "Kevin, do you like that shoe?" [right behind him] "Kevin, whatcha doin'?"

Kevin: "Chill, and hang with me." [pointing into the distance] "OVER THERE!"

Jonny: "Really?" [way too excited] "Let's hang, Plank! Whatever that means." [he runs off]

Kevin: "What a leech."

Jonny: [coming back] "Hoo-hoo! Kevin! We found a bike! We found a bike!" [He rides by on Kevin's bike.]

Kevin: [chasing him] "That's MY bike! GET BACK HERE!"

[The Eds and Nat are sitting on a curb, glumly.]

Edd: "Relish the fine summer's day, Eddy. Absorb the solitude of the cul-de-sac. The aroma of fresh-cut grass."

Nat: "It's wonderful."

Eddy: [grumpily] "It stinks. I'm bored."

Ed: "I forgot to wear underwear, guys and girl."

[The other Eds and Nat stare at him before returning to their original positions when Jonny comes in, riding the bike. He uses Ed as a ramp, and lands on Edd and Eddy. He then drives off.]

Ed: "Hi, Jonny."

Kevin: [exhausted] "Come back here with my bike!"

Ed: "Hi, Kevin."

Kevin: "That kid's really bugging me."

Eddy: "Check it out! Kevin's talking to himself."

Edd: "Seems as though Kevin's at wits end!"

Kevin: [still to himself] "Man, I'd give anything to get rid of that twerp."

Edd: [seeing Eddy get an idea] "Oh dear. Nat! Eddy's got that insidious look again!"

Nat: "We should take cover."

Ed: "Eddy should eat more vegetables." [Eddy then runs excitedly to the centre of the conflict.]

Kevin: "Quit fooling around, Jonny! Mess up my paint job and I'll pound ya!" [sees Eddy next to him] "Whadda you looking at?"

Eddy: [smugly] "I hear you'd give anything to get rid of Jonny."

Kevin: [grabbing Eddy by the nose] "Get a life, dork." [He lets go of Eddy's nose.]

Jonny: "Stop tickling me, Plank." [A crash is heard. A bike wheel rolls onscreen and settles by Kevin's foot. Kevin picks it up; the spokes are mangled, and the wheel is bent.]

Kevin: "So, you're telling me you can get rid of him?"

Eddy: "Going rate's a quarter."

Kevin: "I'll give you a nickel."

Eddy: "A QUARTER!"

Kevin: "A NICKEL!" [calmer] "Get over yourself."

Eddy: "What's the big deal, cheapskate?"

Jonny: [interrupting; he has broken bike parts all over his body] "Hey Kevin! I'm the bike pixie! Catch me if you can!" [he runs off laughing]

Eddy: [taking his hair out, revealing a coin slot] "Go on." [Kevin throws some coins in.]

Kevin: "Fine." [grabbing Eddy] "But if that kid comes within ten feet of me..." [He makes a throat-slicing gesture.]

Eddy: [examining his haul] "There's gotta be like 30 cents here!"

Jonny: "I'm a pixie! Let's dance in the woods, Plank!"

Edd: "I can see how Jonny's innocent game-playing could wear on someone's nerves."

Nat: "Me too."

Jonny: [dancing around Ed] "Flutter around the mushrooms, that's what pixies do!" [stops] "Watch this, Ed!" [He turns around and does something to his face. When he turns back, his eyes are red and Plank is sticking out of the neck hole in his shirt.] "I'm a two-headed monster! Uugh! Attack the mushroom!" [He climbs up Ed to stand on top of his head.]

Ed: "Boy, are you a pain in the neck, Jonny!"

Eddy: [having an idea] "Let's turn Jonny into the biggest pest on earth! Kids'll throw money at us just to get rid of him!" [as Jonny bites Ed] "C'mon, Ed! Let's create a monster!"

Ed: [thoroughly harassed] "HE'S LIKE A BAD ITCH, EDDY! AAAGGHH! GET HIM OFF! HE'S ANNOYING MY HEAD! AAAGGH!" [Ed falls and rolls down the street with Jonny still biting him, prompting Edd and Nat to run after them.]

[Ed is in a small shed. He is pulling on chains to move something while laughing maniacally. It is revealed that a bed, with a figure under a white sheet on it, is being lowered from the ceiling. It comes down to where Ed, Edd, Nat and Eddy are standing.]

Eddy: "Ready?"

Nat: "Ready."

Edd: "As I'll ever be, Eddy." [Eddy pulls the sheet off.]

Ed: "Repulsive."

[Jonny is lying there, dressed in an incredibly loud suit. He pulls on his face to stretch it out, then lets go and giggles.]

Edd: [annoyed] "A suit? Annoying? I spent two hours counterbalancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?" [As he speaks, he continuously puts Jonny's suspended legs down only for Jonny to raise them back up.]

Eddy: "What's with you? It's the most annoying thing I could think of."

Edd: "My father wears a suit!"

Eddy: "Exactly."

Edd: "Well I suggest something a little more on topic. Anchovies. The person who invented this smelly salty fish dish should have been imprisoned for the rest of their life." [turns to Jonny and tries to feed him] "Open wide please."

Jonny: "I smell something fishy!" [he dodges.]

Edd: "Please, Jonny." [Jonny laughs and dodges again.] "Please, Jonny!"

Nat: "Let me try Double D." [Edd gives her the spoon. She mimics a plane.] "Here comes the plane." [makes plane sounds.]

Jonny: "Plank says fish is–" [Nat stuffs the spoon full of anchovies in his mouth and brushes his teeth with it. Ed then glues a block of wood to Jonny's foot.]

Ed: "I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot."

Edd: "Ed, why did you glue a wooden block to Jonny's foot? Why these chains? And why the suit? WHY JONNY?"

Nat: "We may never know."

Eddy: [trying to rile Jonny up] "Jonny, people really like it when you say WHY ALL THE TIME!"

Jonny: "They do? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

Ed: "And people really like it when you poke them on the head." [He demonstrates on Eddy.] "Poke, poke, poke."

Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "See? Eddy likes it."

Jonny: [laughs] "YEEEEE-HAAAAA!" [A cloud of anchovy stench blows out of giant mouth as he speaks.]

Eddy: "Jonny! That's gold! Do it again."

Jonny: "YEE-HAA!"

Ed: [waves off the breath cloud] "Low tide."

Jonny: "YEE-HAA!"

Eddy: "Oh man, we're gonna be rich! C'mon Jonny, let's get cracking!"

Jonny: "No problem, Eddy!" [He cracks his knuckles.]

Ed: [covering his ears] "WHAT A PEST!"

Edd and Nat: "That's disgusting."

Ed: [running away from the noise] "MAKE HIM STOP!"

Eddy: "I'm sorry, did I say rich? I meant SUPER-RICH! Let's pester!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are watching a birdhouse while having a picnic.]

Jimmy: "Do you think swallows will visit our birdhouse? Sarah?"

Sarah: "We'd be lucky if a squirrel used it, Jimmy!" [a tapping is heard] "Jimmy! It's a woodpecker, do you hear it?" [looks at Jimmy] "Huh?"

[Jonny is poking Jimmy on the head.]

Jimmy: "Aah! What Jonny, what did I do?"

Jonny: "Are you watching birds, Jimmy?" [His anchovy breath rushes out, straight into Jimmy's nostrils.]

Jimmy: [waveringly] "Fishy breath..." [he faints]

Sarah: [leaping on Jonny] "You're asking for trouble, bub!"

Jonny: [poking Sarah] "Poke poke poke!" [She falls off.]

Sarah: [seeing Jonny has disappeared] "Where'd he go? Fathead."

Jonny: "YEE-HAA!"

Jimmy: "Jumping Jehoshaphat!"

Jonny: [sticking his head out of the birdhouse like a cuckoo bird] "YEE-HAA!"

Jimmy: "Sarah! He's gonna scare the swallows!"

Sarah: "Jonny, get out of there!"

Jonny: [pops his head out] "Why?" [pops it back in]

Sarah: "Cause I said so."

Jonny: [repeats] "Why?"

Sarah: "Cause you're bugging us."

Jonny: [repeats again] "Why?"

Sarah: "Cause you're stupid!"

Jonny: [and again] "Why?"

Jimmy: "Why doesn't he just go away?"

Eddy: [making the scene] "For a lousy quarter, let us get that Jonny off your back."

Sarah: "Get lost, Eddy!"

Jimmy: "But Sarah, think of the swallows!"

Sarah: [rolling her eyes] "Oh, brother."

Jimmy: [giving Eddy a quarter] "Swallows are beautiful."

Eddy: "Ed, fetch!"

[Ed runs off and pulls the tree down to eye level. He then wiggles his way into the birdhouse and throws out Jonny. He then carries Jonny off and disposes of him over the fence.]

Jonny: "Hee hee! I'm having so much fun I can't stand it!"

Ed: [adorned with the remnants of the birdhouse on his body] "Jonny has left the building!"

Nat: "Are we done yet?"

Eddy: "Just stand there and look pretty. NEXT!"

[Rolf is eating a sandwich. The ingredients seem to consist of lunchmeat, tentacles, and lettuce.]

Edd: [peeking out from behind Rolf's shed] "I'm not sure about this, Eddy."

Eddy: "Whaddya talking about?" [He walks back to a large box. Apparently Jonny is contained in it.] "Double D, provoke our creation."

Edd: "Boy Eddy, provoke? Those tutoring lessons must be paying off." [He slides back an opening in the door.]

Jonny: "YEE-HAA!" [Edd sticks a broom in.] "Poke poke! Why? Why? Why?" [With each why, he yanks Edd's head against the door.] "YEE-HAA!" [Edd pulls the remnants of the broom back.]

Eddy: "Stand back!" [He lifts the door and Jonny jumps out.]

Jonny: "Hmm."

Eddy: [in a stage whisper] "Go get him, tiger!"

[Jonny heads out. Ed comes with a jacket full of chickens.]

Edd: "Ed!"

Ed: [remorsefully] "I love chickens, Double D."

Edd: "Yes, we know, Ed."

[Rolf bends down to get his juice and notices Jonny.]

Rolf: "Jonny Woodboy?"

Jonny: "Can I have a bite of your sandwich, Rolf?"

Rolf: [smelling Rolf's breath] "Anchovy paste." [thinking] "Nineteen...fifty-two! A fine year." [grabbing Jonny] "Hail to the anchovy! Rolf respects the stench."

Jonny: [poking Rolf] "Poke. Poke. Poke!"

Rolf: "Ho ho! Rolf is honored by your knowledge of the shepherd's customary salute!" [He pokes Jonny thrice in his forehead, then slaps him on the back of the head three times, and then kicks Jonny in the butt.] "Did you catch my drift?"

Jonny: "YEEE-HAAAA!"

Rolf: "You are full of pickles and beets today, yes, Jonny?"

Jonny: "Why?"

Rolf: "I invite you and your friend–" [he tosses Jonny in the air and catches him] "–to join me! Come." [He drags Jonny off.]

Eddy: [confused] "What just happened? Rolf fell in love with the guy!"

Edd: "It appears annoyance doesn't cross cultural boundaries."

Eddy: "This calls for drastic measures!"

Edd: "Drastic measures? What does that mean? I ask you!" [He turns to Nat and Ed, who hasn't opened his mouth the whole time.]

Nat: "I'm not sure Double D."

Ed: [without opening his mouth, and thus mumbling] "I don't know."

Edd: "Ed."

[Ed shakes his head.]

Edd: "Ed!"

[Ed shrugs.]

Nat: "Goodness, Ed!" 

Edd: "Give it some air, man!"

[Ed opens his mouth to reveal a chicken.]

Rolf: [as pigs lick his feet] "Are you keeping score, Jonny? The sows have yet to win at this game! Amateurs, I tell you!"

Jonny: "I don't get it either, Plank."

[Eddy, hidden in a bush, taps him on the head. He then whispers something into his ear. Jonny nods.]

Jonny: "Why?"

Eddy: "Don't milk it, Jonny." [He pushes Jonny forward.]

Edd: "What are you up to, Eddy?"

Eddy: [crouched on the ground] "TAKE COVER!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Rolf: [laughing] "Tell me Jonny, is Rolf a hotshot?"

Jonny: "Watch this, Rolf." [He cracks his knuckles and twists his head. All the animals come to attention.]

Rolf: "Huh?"

[Jonny spins around, contorting his body into a spiral.]

Rolf: "Ack! Stampede!" [The animals all stampede.]

Eddy: [thinking his plan worked] "Any minute now and Rolf'll be begging to pay us!"

Rolf: [heads for the hills] "Run for your no-good lives!"

[Nat runs off.]

Eddy: "What'd I tell you? Hey Rolf, we can get rid of him for–"

Ed: [seeing the animals] "AAAHH!"

Edd: "Oh dear."

Eddy: "Huh?"

[Ed grabs them and runs into the box with them. The animals follow them in, and the door to the box shuts.]

Jonny: "Holy cow! Look, Plank!"

Eddy: [crushed by the animals] "Jonny! I'll give you a nickel if you let us out!"

Jonny: "A quarter." [He cracks his neck, causing the animals to go insane inside the box.]

Eddy: "A nickel!"

Edd: "Eddy, give him the quarter!"

Jonny: [contorting himself] "Two quarters." [The animals explode again.]

Eddy: "A nickel!"

Jonny: [doing another contortion] "Three quarters."

Eddy: "A NICKEL!"

Jonny: "A dollar!" [He goes through another contortion.]

[Nat shows up.]

Nat: "Jonny please go home."

Jonny: "Ok!" [He runs off.]

[Nat climbs onto the box and pulls the door up. All the animals come out along with the Eds. She climbs down the box.]

Nat: "You don't need to pay me."


	47. Ed in a Halfshell

[Kevin is seen standing around bored, looking at something.]

Edd: [mortified] "This is so embarrassing!"

Nat: "At least Ed is ok with it."

[Eddy is standing in front of a sign reading "Gerbil for a Day" and Ed dressed as a gerbil, running in a hamster wheel in a cage. Ed's laughs can be heard. It then switches to a view of Ed running. He falls but almost immediately gets back up and continues running.]

Eddy: [acting eager] "Huh? Whaddya figure Kev, gerbil for a day? 25 cents for 25 seconds. And we'll throw in this free salt lick! Limited quantity, better move fast."

Kevin: [pretending to be excited] "Let's check it out!"

Eddy: "Watch it, those sweaty hands might leave prints!"

Kevin: "No problem." [He puts the salt lick on the ground and rolls it onto Eddy, who is pinned down by its weight.] "Ha ha ha! You dorks get lamer every day." [He walks off chuckling.]

Edd: "Kevin's right, Eddy." [rolling the salt lick off of his friend] "This is quite possibly–" [straining from the effort] "–your most preposterous plan ever." 

[As Edd struggles to push it Nat walks to the other side and pulls it with ease causing Edd to fall.]

Edd: "Aah! Ouch."

Eddy: [angry] "I don't see you coming up with anything, Da Vinci!"

Ed: "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep chin! Feed me!" [Edd, Nat and Eddy stare at Ed in stunned silence. Ed stares back at them.]

Edd: "The probability of anyone falling for this lackluster stunt is zero to none, Eddy."

Eddy: "Alright already! What a nag."

[Sarah enters from the left, storms over to the cage, and rips off a section of it. She then walks over to Ed, who is eating gerbil food.]

Sarah: "ED!"

Ed: [confused and scared] "What did I do?" [He runs over to the hamster wheel and runs on it in an attempt to get away.] "It wasn't me, Sarah, honest!" [sees Sarah right next to him] "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep Cheep–" [Sarah pulls him off the wheel] "–aw."

Eddy: [to the sound of Ed getting beaten up] "Quit roughing up my gerbil! I'm trying to run a business–" [Sarah throws Ed at him.] "–oof!"

Sarah: "I have a ballet lesson today and Jimmy needs someone to play with! And Ed's Jimmy's new playmate!"

Jimmy: [visibly shaken] "Can we talk?"

Eddy: [to Ed, who is clutching him] "Get off me, you stupid–" [He throws Ed off and addresses Sarah.] "Take a hike, Sarah! You are not dumping the twerp on us!"

[Sarah grabs his lips and holds them closed, keeping him from speaking intelligibly; after a few seconds of mumbling from him, she throws him onto the ground.]

Sarah: [sweetly] "Oh, Ed?"

Ed: [quivering in fear] "Uh, yes, oh obnoxious little sister of mine?"

Sarah: [holds up a model rocket] "See what I got?"

Ed: [very upset] "THAT IS MY 1/32 SCALE ORBITAL PLANET RE-TRACKER NUMBER 2 MODEL ROCKET!"

Sarah: [threateningly] "Take care of Jimmy or I'll pulverize your stupid model!"

Ed: [pleading] "Have mercy, depraved sibling!" [in a slightly calmer tone] "I will take care of Jimmy. Honest."

Sarah: "Good."

Jimmy: [timidly] "Sarah, I beg of you, don't leave me in this den of lions."

Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy. If these nimrods give you any trouble, just–" [taking a whistle out of her pocket] "–blow this whistle." [She puts the whistle around Jimmy's neck.]

Jimmy: "Really?"

Ed: "Have a good day, rotten to the core cherished one."

[As soon as Sarah leaves, Jimmy begins to sweat. The Eds and Nat looking at him. He then faints.]

Eddy: "This kid's gonna cramp our style! Look at him!"

Edd: "Perhaps Jimmy would like to play some games."

Jimmy: [suddenly waking up] "Games?"

Nat: "Sure!"

Edd: "There we go! Games teach children confidence, and endorse socialization skills necessary for human interaction."

Nat: "What game should we play?"

Eddy: [smiling evilly] "I know a game we can play."

[Eddy's hands are seen picking up a dodgeball. The other two Eds and Jimmy are standing by a garage door. Nat is on the grass staring in shock. Edd and Jimmy are quaking with fear, whereas Ed looks perfectly normal.]

Nat: "Eddy can we please play something else?"

Eddy: "No way!"

Edd: [very nervous] "Eddy wait stop!" [more calmly] "Dodgeball has no educational value whatsoever."

Eddy: "Whaddya talking about? It builds character. Puts hair on your chest."

Jimmy: "Hairy chests are so Neanderthal."

Ed: "Dodgeball is fun, Jimmy! Just keep your eye on the–" [gets hit by dodgeball] "–ball of pain."

Eddy: [laughing victoriously] "Ha ha ha! You're out, monobrow! Who's next? Jimmy? Or Double D? [There is an empty space] Hey. Where'd Sockhead go?" [Jimmy edges to the left, revealing Edd hidden behind him.] "Hello, Double D."

Edd: [desperately] "Eddy wait. I-I have a history with this game I–whassat. I see flashes, Eddy. Deep rooted images." [Eddy begins drawing something on the ball] "Like tentacles! Strangulating every rational nerve! Oh, I'm reliving it, Eddy!"

Eddy: [holding up the ball] "But it's got your face on it, Double D." [He turns the ball around to reveal a caricature of Edd drawn on it.]

Edd: [completely terrified] "Listen to me, Eddy. Eddy?"

[Eddy goes into his throwing stance.]

Edd: [howling] "IT'S GYM CLASS ALL OVER AGAIN!" [He breaks down completely. As he continues his crying jag, Jimmy begins to wail in tandem with him. Ed sees Jimmy clutching him and crying and he begins to scream as well.]

Eddy: [disgusted] "Uuh."

[Edd falls to the ground, a quivering mess. Nat rushes over and bends down, holding him close to her.]

Nat: "It's ok Double D I've got you." [She rubs Edd's back]

[Edd starts to calm down as Eddy approaches them.]

Eddy: "Get over it, Shakespeare."

[Nat makes an annoyed look at Eddy.]

Jimmy: "I'm bored. I wanna turn."

Eddy: "No way, it's still my turn."

Jimmy: [reaching for his whistle] "I'm telling Sarah!"

Ed: [scared] "Wait, Jimmy! Sarah is bad for Ed." [jumps on top of Eddy] "Don't hog the ball, Eddy. Let Jimmy have a turn."

Jimmy: "Goodie!"

[Ed rubs Jimmy back and forth on top of his buzz cut. He then takes Eddy over to the garage door. Eddy is stuck to it.]

Eddy: [irked] "What the–"

Edd: "Static electricity can be quite humbling, can't it, Eddy?" [to Ed] Oh, Ed, that's much too far for Jimmy. A little closer, if you will?"

Ed: "Okey-dokey, Double D." [while walking Jimmy closer to Eddy] "Here we go, Jimmy. Your turn to hurt Eddy."

Eddy: [pretending to be scared] "Oh, this guy's gonna murder me! Somebody please save me!" [laughs mockingly] "Yeah, right!"

[Jimmy throws the ball at his face so hard it knocks most of his body through the garage door.]

Jimmy: "Got him!" [giggles]

Ed: "Good shot, Jimmy!" [picks Jimmy up and carries him on his shoulders]

Jimmy: "I'm the toast of the town!"

Edd: "Aw, look at them, Nat!"

Nat: "How cute!"

Eddy: [disgruntled] "It's pathetic."

[Ed is seen running with Jimmy still on his shoulders. He trips over a rock. When he gets up, Jimmy's retainer is around both of their faces.]

Jimmy: "Hey, mister!" [they share a laugh]

Edd: [trying to pull Eddy out of the door] "Jimmy and Ed seem [straining] to have developed a brotherly bond." [Nat helps pull Eddy out of the door. He lands onto them]

[Jimmy and Ed are rubbing their heads against a tree trunk.]

Jimmy and Ed: "Rub your head, rub your head. Rub your head."

Nat: "Wow."

Edd: "Interesting."

Eddy: "Why's Jimmy acting like Ed?"

Edd: "Well Eddy, like brothers, the younger more naive sibling tends to mimic and learn from the older brother. A mirror image in some cases."

Eddy: [quizzical] "A mirror image?" [as an idea dawns] "One exactly like the other? Like two peas in a pod? Two humps on a camel? A dynamic duo? A pair of underwear?"

Edd: "A pair of underwear is one item, Eddy."

Eddy: "Same thing." [making a declaration] "I, Eddy, will take Jimmy, and teach him to be the best prime cut of meat there is. Just like me."

Nat: "Oh no."

[A montage occurs. First, Eddy throws eggs at a picture of Sarah taped to a wall and instructs Jimmy to do the same. When he refuses, Eddy stuffs the egg in his underwear.

It cuts to a grassy field. Eddy tells Jimmy to move an obscenely large rock to an X marked on the ground. Jimmy attempts to move it himself and is completely unsuccessful. Eddy is then seen leading him to another location while wedgied.

The next thing is Jimmy in the field, trying to move the rock. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, he stops and thinks it over. He then brings Ed over to move the rock.

The garage again. This time, Jimmy throws the eggs at Ed and Double D. Eddy bursts into laughter, stopped only when Jimmy pulls the "You've got something on your shirt" trick on him, earning him one final wedgie.]

[Jimmy is sitting on a tree stump while Eddy walks in circles around him.]

Eddy: "Enough beating around the bush. I think you're ready for the final lesson. Let's talk cash." [He rolls a quarter on Jimmy's retainer.]

Edd: [to Ed, discreetly] "Theatrics do not forge good learning skills."

Eddy: "Hey, do you mind, Mr. 'I Know Everything About Nothing'?"

Ed: [to Edd] "Shush!"

Eddy: "Where was I?" [ponders] "Oh yeah! Cash! Always remember, if you have a lot of cash, you get to spend a lot of time, with me."

Jimmy: [questioningly] "But how do I get more cash, Uncle Eddy?"

Eddy: [proudly] "You're such a nosy little tyke. Come with Uncle Eddy." [picks Jimmy up and carries him away]

[Nat follows them]

Edd: [alarmed] "Hurry, Ed!"

Ed: "Shush! My yeast is rising."

[Edd, unsure what to do, stares at Ed for a few moments.]

Edd: "Nut loaf, Ed?" [he hurries away]

[Eddy is seen running with Jimmy. He stops in the lane and drops Jimmy on the ground]

Eddy: "See the kids, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: [looking in the other direction] "No, Uncle Eddy."

Eddy: [twists Jimmy's head around] "They're called pigeons, and pigeons have lots of cash. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" [Jimmy starts to run forward into the lane, but falls on his face.]

Jimmy: [dazed] "Pennies from heaven, Uncle Eddy."

Eddy: [tearing up] "They grow up so fast."

[Nat catches up]

Edd: [suddenly appearing, and apparently very belligerent] "Eddy! Shame on you! You set Jimmy–"

Ed: "Shush!"

Edd: "You set Jimmy's expectations too high! He's bound to fail!"

Eddy: "Okay, maybe I was a little tough. But that's how my brother taught me! The only way to get it right is to get it wrong."

Nat: "Do you always do what your brother says?"

[A sudden noise distracts them.]

[Kevin is seen bouncing on a trampoline]

Kevin: "Whoa, look out!"

Rolf: [admiringly] "Kevin is good at weinering."

Kevin: "That's hot-dogging, Rolf." [a timer rings]

Jimmy: "Time's up, Kevin."

Kevin: "That couldn't have been more than 25 seconds."

Jimmy: "Take it to the back of the line, bub." [picking up jar of quarters] "Alright, people, cough up the dough."

Eddy: [astounded] "How come we didn't think of that?"

Nat: "I'm not sure."

Edd: "Seems the student has surpassed the master."

Ed: "But better!"

Jimmy: "You got 25 seconds, Rolfy boy." [Rolf drops a quarter in the jar]

Rolf: "Has anyone ever told you your hair resembles the backside of a chicken?"

Eddy: [drooling] "You're a chip off the old block, Junior."

Edd: "Well done, Jimmy! Tell me about the design."

Jimmy: "The bouncy mat was torn up-bedsheets sewn together with the synthetic hair of broken dollies."

Nat: "Cool!"

Edd: "I never would have thought of that."

Jimmy: [condescendingly] "Of course you wouldn't."

Edd: [insulted] "Well."

Nat: "It's Eddy's influence Double D."

Eddy: "C'mere for a second, Junior."

[Eddy is leading Jimmy away.]

Eddy: "Time to give credit where credit is due. Nothing big, sixty percent'll do."

Jimmy: [irked] "What are you giving me?"

Eddy: "My cut of the cash." [puts hand on the rim of the jar and tries to pull it away]

Jimmy: [pulling it back] "Hit the road."

Eddy: [angry] "You thankless little–If it wasn't for me, you'd be planting posies!"

Jimmy: "Tell it to the judge!"

Eddy: [somewhat surprised] "Oh, he's good." [running after Jimmy] "Give me that thing, you little turncoat!" [rips money jar away] "Ha!" [to money] "Hello, my little babies! Did you miss me?"

Jimmy: [pouncing on Eddy] "It's mine!"

Eddy: [frightened by Jimmy's ferocity] "Jimmy's lost it! Help me! He's a wild animal!"

Ed: "Foul! Offside! Penalty."

Edd: "You sound like a referee, Ed."

Ed: [pulls out a whistle] "Yes I am."

Nat: "No Ed!"

Edd: [recognizing what Ed is about to do] "Ed! Don't blow that!"

[Ed puts whistle in mouth and blows.]

[Eddy and Jimmy freeze in the middle of fighting. Edd's teeth can be heard chattering. Then the trees topple, getting closer in proximity to the lane. After the nearest one falls, Sarah is seen kicking open a portion of the fence.]

Sarah: [screaming] "JIMMY!"

Jimmy: [smugly] "Bingo." [He digs up some dirt and throws it onto his face.]

Sarah: "Eddy. What's Jimmy doing on the ground, huh?" [Jimmy is seen crying]

Eddy: "Get lost, Sarah, we're talking business."

Jimmy: [crying] "He was horrible, Sarah. They made me eat dirt all day!"

Sarah: "What?" [clenches teeth in anger. Jimmy can be seen thumbing his nose at the Eds while Sarah is facing away from him.]

Eddy: [in an undertone, amazed] "Man, he's real good." [normally] "Who are you gonna believe? That little- um- er- rat, or an honest bunch like us?"

[Sarah squeals in anger and proceeds to stomp toward the Eds. Nat grabs them and runs away. Sarah chases after them. Nat rushes inside Ed's house and closes the door. Sarah continues to pound on the door as Nat and the Eds block it.]

Edd: "Boy, Eddy, you truly created a monster."

Eddy: "No kidding." [feels proud] "Kinda makes me feel all warm inside."

[Nat sighs]


	48. Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed

[Eddy runs by, stepping in a puddle. Ed follows and falls straight through. Nat goes around it. Edd stops short and steps over it.]

Edd: "Puddles can be so messy." [He puts up a Caution sign.] "An ounce of prevention!"

Eddy: "Hey, snailboy, move it, willya? I'm not getting any younger." [He walks off a cliff.]

Nat: "Wait!"

Edd: "Eddy, stop!"

Ed: [running off the cliff into Eddy] "I got a soaker, guys and girl!"

Eddy: "Ed, if you bump into me one more–"

Nat: "Um, guys?"

Eddy: "What?"

Edd: "Improbable alert!"

[Eddy realizes he's standing on thin air and rushes to safe ground. Ed stays where he is.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Come back, Ed!"

Ed: "I can jump it, guys and girl!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "No, Ed!" [They pull him back.]

Nat: "Now what?"

Eddy: "I'm thinking, I'm thinking."

Ed: "Can I think?"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "NO!"

[A bottle is spinning rapidly in the center of a circle formed by the kids. The bottle stops, settling on Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "It's my turn! Luck be a lady tonight."

Kevin: "Right. Pick then. Truth, or dare?"

Jimmy: "Dare me, sucka."

Sarah: "Thattaboy, Jimmy!"

Kevin: "Cool. Let's see. I dare you to...skip your turn."

Jimmy: [realizing he's been played] "Darn it."

Kevin: "What a sap." [He spins the bottle again.]

[Edd is using a makeshift anemometer to judge the wind's speed and direction.]

Eddy: "What's the word, Double D?"

Edd: "Well frankly Eddy, I'm concerned. The wind conditions aren't suitable for our trajectory. The lean is much too steep for the span."

Eddy: "What else is new? Let 'er rip, Ed!"

[Ed lets go of the tree root he's biting.]

Ed: "Gravy."

[The tree the Eds and Nat are standing on snaps to its full height, rocketing them away. They land headfirst in the lane.]

Ed: "I think I hit a pipe."

Jonny: "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny." [He is pretending to be a fly.] "Buzz, buzz, buzz off, Jonny. Buzz, buzzoow!" [He runs into a fence, and all the kids (except Nazz and Jimmy) laugh.]

Nazz: "You shouldn't have dared Jonny to buzz off, Kevin."

Rolf: "Ah, the artichoke thickens. Are those the better-check-your-wallet Ed-boys and quiet Nat-girl?"

Kevin: "Where? Aw, great."

[Ed pulls himself out of the ground and yanks his friends out of the dirt.]

Sarah: "Who invited them?"

Kevin: "The dorks came to ruin our game."

Eddy: "Truth or dare? I love this game! Who's next?" [He spins the bottle.] "I gotta warn ya, I'm a pro at this. Siddown, pigeons." [He opens his eyes to see that the Eds and Nat are alone. Forebodingly, the bottle points away from them.]

Edd: "Their social skills are deplorable."

Nat: "Seems that way."

Ed: "My turn to spin!" [He spins himself around and points the bottle at Eddy upon stopping.] "Eddy? Truth or dare?"

Eddy: "Okay, dare, Ed."

Ed: "Okay, I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' through a car wash."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy look at Ed, flummoxed]

Edd: "Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please."

Ed: [after a long pause] "Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D."

Edd: "Eddy act like me? Why that's–"

Eddy: "Stupid, Ed! You blew your chance to–"

Edd: "Y'know, Eddy, it could be quite intriguing. Why I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me."

Eddy: "Let's see, where do I start?" [He proceeds to mimic Edd] "The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat."

Ed: "Good Double D, Eddy." [Edd and Nat chuckle.]

[Eddy pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch.]

Eddy: "Oh dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain." [He pretends to concentrate.]

Edd: [sarcastic] "Ha ha ha. Very good, Eddy." 

Eddy: "I also have a huge and obvious crush on-" [Edd covers his mouth]

Edd: [nervous] "O-Okay I think that is enough! Can we resume playing?" 

Eddy: "Fine."

[Edd spins the bottle. The bottle settles on him.] 

Edd: "Oh dear."

Eddy: "Ha! I dare ya to be Ed! Go on, flatter him."

Edd: "Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy."

Ed: "I can do Eddy, I practiced." [He pushes his eyes together and starts speaking in a loud, raspy voice.] "Can it Double Dweeb!"

Eddy: "Whaddya mean you practiced?"

Ed: "Shut up, Sockhead!"

Eddy: "Please, Eddy, you're invading my personal space!" [He pushes Ed away. The four laugh hysterically.]

Eddy: "Well?"

Ed: "Do me, Double D!"

Eddy: "We're waiting."

Edd: "Very well. Let's see now." [He turns around and manipulates his face. When he faces his friends again, his eyes are spread out across his face.] "Buttered toast." [The Eds and Nat laugh again.]

Ed: "Who is Nat going to be?"

Nat: "Me?"

Eddy: "Yeah Nat who?"

Nat: "Hmm I'm not sure."

Edd: "May I suggest-"

Ed: "Sarah!"

Edd and Nat: "Sarah?"

Ed: "I dare you to be Sarah!"

Nat: "Um ok I'll try." [She clears her throat.] "Ed you idiot!"

Edd: "But it wasn't me, Sarah, I always put the seat down!"

Nat: "What's your sock doing in MY ROOM?"

Edd: "Sleeping?"

Nat: "Pick it up or I'll tell mom!"

[Nat and the Eds fall on the ground, laughing hysterically.]

[Jimmy pours a hose onto a Slip-n-Slide.]

Jimmy: "It's ready, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Here I come!" [She slides the length of the toy.] "Whee! That was fun! Your turn, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: [pouring sunscreen into his palm] "In a second, Sarah! I'm oiling up for speed!" [Jimmy rubs the lotion on his chest and stomach.] "On your mark, get set–"

Rolf: "Out of the way!" [He rides his unicycle into Jimmy, and Jimmy gets tangled in the spokes.]

Sarah: [worried] "Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "The wrath of destiny visits yet again."

Rolf: "Rolf has no time for this!" [to Sarah] "Where is your brother?"

Sarah: "What am I? His keeper?"

Rolf: "Yes."

Sarah: "Backyard."

[Rolf enters the backyard to see Ed's clothes stumbling around with a watering can on their head.]

Rolf: "Ho ho! There you are, one shy of a full deck Ed-boy! Rolf requires your assistance." [He pulls the can off to reveal Edd.]

Edd: "Who is there?"

Rolf: "Imposter! You are not Ed-boy!"

Edd: "Gravy."

Rolf: [confused] "Hmm."

Nat: "Outta my way!" [She stomps by wearing a wig resembling Sarah's hair. Rolf just stares confused.]

Eddy: [wearing Edd's clothes and a sock on his head] "Pardon me, Rolf, but I have compost a theory. Once upon observation of this small rock, I have discovered actually mutated from a big rock. Intriguing."

Edd: [running like Ed] "Haw haw haw!" [He slips.] "Curse Ed's horrible posture."

[Rolf turns his head to see Ed, dressed like Eddy, lounging in a chair.]

Rolf: "Oafish Ed-boy!" [He hurries over.] "Rolf requests the presence of your colossal feet, as it is time to squish the raspberries."

Ed: "I'll help if I give you a quarter, Rolfy boy."

Rolf: [scratching his head] "What?" [He grabs Ed.] "Your shenanigans try Rolf! Come, as the raspberries will spoil." [He runs off with Ed.]

Eddy: "Oh dear."

Edd: "Look at him go, Double D."

Eddy: "That leaves just I and you. Ed, now that they've left, let's make fun of Eddy behind his back."

Edd: "Like we always do?"

Eddy: "Ah hah! I knew it!"

Edd: "You're so gullible, Eddy. Or as Ed would say, 'Gravy!'" [He runs after Rolf.] "Haw haw haw!"

Nat: "Ed get back here and clean your room!" [She goes after them.]

Eddy: "Wait for me. I'm slow and out of shape!"

[A chicken is pecking at the dirt. Suddenly, Rolf's shoe lands beside it.]

Rolf: "Hurry! as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy."

Ed: "Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken!" [hugging it] "Pet the chicken, pet the chicken–" [He sees Edd.] "The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it. Stupid."

Eddy: "Excuse me, Eddy. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals."

Edd: "I love chickens, Eddy."

Nat: "Ed clean your room or I'm telling mom!"

Edd: "Yes baby sister."

[The Eds and Nat laugh heartily. Rolf, who is stomping the raspberries, glares at them.]

Rolf: "Ed-boy!"

Ed: [poking Edd] "Wake up, Monobrow."

Edd: "Oh right. Yes. Ahem." [turning around to face Rolf] "I am Ed."

Rolf: [hassled] "You are not Ed-boy! I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash! Thank you."

Eddy: "Rolf said thank you! Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?"

Ed: "Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan." [He pulls Eddy's sock over him and walks behind Edd.] "Hey, burrhead. I will now inflict pain on you."

Edd: "What?"

[Ed swings Eddy, knocking Edd into the raspberry silo.]

Edd: "Buttered toast?"

Rolf: "No butter, raspberries! Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst!"

Eddy: "Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct."

Edd: [calling from the muck] "Parched! The word you're looking for is parched!"

Ed: "Yeah right Lumpy! Parched is a fish!"

Eddy: "Intriguing."

Nat: "Ed get down here!"

Rolf: "You are not Ed!" [ranting] "You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet!"

[Suddenly, the berry juice begins to drain from its container.]

Ed: "You know what they say, Double D." [He shoves Eddy's mouth to an opened pipe on the side.] "If you're thirsty, take a drink." [Eddy chugs it down and swells up.] "Gee, Double D, you really let yourself go." [He jumps on Eddy, and Eddy spits the pipe out.] "Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D."

Edd: [popping out of Eddy's sock] "You really think I'm a genius?"

Nat: "Ed get out of there!"

Eddy: "Hey I'm Double D! I'm the genius!" [A red-tinted Rolf opens Eddy's mouth and climbs out.]

Ed: "I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy!"

[The Eds and Nat laugh.]

Rolf: "Rolf has never been so confused."

[Edd is walking in the lane.]

Edd: "Uh oh, a fence!" [He walks into it.] "Gravy."

Nat: "Ed you idiot!"

Ed: "Aw, come on, Double D. I don't say gravy all the time."

Edd: "Buttered toast, then."

Eddy: "Toast is so crude, as the crust always gets stuck in my gap." [Edd shuts his mouth to hide the gap. Ed and Eddy laugh as Kevin and Nazz walk up.]

Kevin: "I don't even wanna know."

Eddy: "Greetings, Kevin. A pleasure to look at you. May I inspect your nostrils?"

Kevin: "Get lost, dork."

Eddy: "Intriguing. Your apelike qualities ensure your smartness. Let's examine your brain!"

[Eddy pulls out a telescope and extends it so it goes through Kevin's ears.]

Kevin: "Hey! That's it! You're meat, dork!" [He chases Eddy.]

Ed: "Eddy's good, huh Double D?"

Sarah: [calling] "Ed!"

Ed and Nat: "Sarah?" [They dive into a bush.]

Edd: "Sarah? Ed."

Sarah: [seeing Edd from the back] "Ed."

Edd: "Ed, Sarah."

Sarah: [grabbing Edd] "I've been looking for you. Mom said to clean your room!" [She drags him off.]

Edd: "Ed?!"

Ed: [popping out of the bush] "What a tree sap."

Nat: "Oh no."

Jonny: "Hiya, Ed and Nat. Why ya dressed like Eddy and Sarah?"

Ed: [in his normal voice] "It's a dare, Jonny." [as Eddy] "So buzz off, melonhead!"

Jonny: [laughing] "Been there, done that, Ed, oh, I mean Eddy! Ha ha! Oh."

Plank:

Jonny: "Plank says he'll give you a quarter if you'll do a dare."

Nat: "I should go after Double D." [She runs off]

Ed: "Bring it on, I'll do anything for cash. 'Cause I'm short."

[Sarah kicks open the door to Ed's bedroom and throws Edd inside.]

Sarah: "I'll be back in five minutes!" [She starts to close the door, but stops.] "Cuz Mom said I could!"

[Sarah slams the door, leaving Edd in the grody hole known to us as Ed's basement.]

Edd: [stuck in a chair] "Deception certainly is excruciating."

[Edd looks down and spots a sandwich. The bread is all molded, and it is so old that mushrooms are popping out of the bread everywhere.]

Edd: "OH, THE INHUMANITY!"

[Edd wrenches himself free of the chair and stumbles backwards into the bathroom. He falls into the bathtub with a plop. When he sits up, he is covered in a strange brown glop–the same glop filling the tub.]

Edd: "What in heaven's name is this?" [He fishes in the muck.] "A ladle? Oh my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!"

[Nat shows up.]

Nat: "Double D are you in here?" [She goes to the bathroom]

Edd: "Nat thank goodness your here! Please help me!"

[Nat grabs Edd's hands and pulls him out of the tub.]

Nat: "C'mon let's get you cleaned up."

[Nat and Edd leave Ed's room.]

[Eddy bursts into Edd's house and slams the door on Kevin.]

Kevin: "Get outta Double D's house!" [Eddy runs upstairs, and Kevin opens the door.] "Get out here and take your lumps."

[Eddy finds his way into Edd's room and locks the door.]

Eddy: "Bingo."

Kevin: [pounding on the door] "Open this door!"

Eddy: "Sucker!"

Kevin: "That's it, I'm gonna count to three–"

Eddy: "Don't bust an artery, Einstein."

[Suddenly, an alarm begins to blare, and the room strobes with a red light. A recording of Edd's voice is heard.]

Recording: "You have invaded my personal space. Do not touch anything and leave via the designated exit."

[An Exit sign over the door is flashing. The lock on the door unlocks itself, and the door swings open to reveal a triumphant, viciously happy Kevin.]

Recording: "Watch your step on the way out and have a nice day!"

Kevin: [pounding his fist into his palm] "Oh, you can count on it." [He chuckles evilly.]

Eddy: [frightened, while mimicking Edd one last time] "Oh dear. Pain."

Jonny: [laughing] "Boy, Eddy. We can't tell that truth to anyone now, can we?" [Plank is dressed in Eddy's clothes. From the top of the board, three straws stick up.] "Right, Ed? Whoops! I mean, Plank!" [Ed is in his underwear, pretending to be Plank.] "What's that, Eddy? Woo, hoo! What a potty mouth!" [Jonny laughs.]


	49. Hot Buttered Ed

[The Eds are in a tent in a backyard at night.]

Eddy: "Ed! Quit hoggin' 'em, Ed!"

Ed: "Say pretty please, Eddy!"

Eddy: "In your dreams."

Ed: "Say 'pretty please with two eggs and a slice of bacon.'"

Eddy: "Gimme the chips!"

Edd: "Do you mind? I'm trying to read!"

Eddy: "Wait for the movie, Double D. C'mon, Ed, I'm starving!" [The bag rips, and chips fall all over the place.]

Edd: [as the chips fall] "Oh, look at this now! Dried potatoes, that may contain dextrose salt and saturated fats all over my sleeping bag!"

Eddy: [snickering] "Double D made a mess in his sleeping bag, Ed!"

Ed: [He laughs, then stops.] "Hey, let's bake a pie and hit me with it!" [Eddy shines the flashlight at him.]

Eddy: "Doctor, I think we need to operate." [He snickers.]

Edd: [giggling] "Oh, I concur, Doctor Eddy."

Eddy: "Hold still, Lumpy!" [His fingers pinch Ed's shadow.] "Boink! Boink!"

Ed: "I feel it, Eddy! Like voodoo."

Eddy: "Boink!" [He and Edd laugh.]

Edd: "May I try?"

Eddy: "Sure, why not."

Edd: [making a shadow puppet] "Did you know shadow puppetry is one of the oldest forms of entertainment?" [He has made a dinosaur skeleton.]

Ed: "Like walnuts?" [manipulating his fingers] "Can you guess what it is?" [He holds up his hand.]

Eddy: "Hmm. Gee, Ed. Is it a–hand?"

Ed: "Oh! Oh oh, wait wait. Um..." [His hand is the shadow on the tent.] "I think it's broken, guys."

Eddy: "What a lump!"

Edd: "Well, at least he's consistent." [He and Eddy share a laugh.]

Jimmy: "Excuse me!" [He is calling from his bedroom window.] "Do you mind holding it down out there? Some of us are trying to sleep!" [Eddy develops a mischievous smirk.]

Edd: "Shh! We're disturbing our neighbors, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Oh, are we?" [He makes armpit noises with his armpits, and he and Ed laugh.]

Edd: "Eddy, please!"

Jimmy: "Savages." [He slams his window and goes back to bed.]

Edd: [still coaxing] "Eddy! Shh!"

[Ed and Eddy still make armpit noises throughout the night]

[It is morning, and the Eds are fast asleep. Eddy wakes up for a few seconds and rolls over. He then goes back to sleep for a few seconds more. He then sits up, unzips the tent, and looks outside.]

Eddy: "Wake up! We slept in!"

Edd: "Slept in? Oh dear! I've never slept in! I've blemished my personal resume!"

Eddy: [Ed is still snoozing] "Ed, wake up! We gotta get to the creek or we'll lose our spot at the swimming hole!"

Ed: [sitting up] "Oh, no, spot is lost! Say it ain't so, Eddy!" [He runs out of the tent. Edd is rolling up his sleeping bag.]

Eddy: "Ed, this way! Hurry up, Sockhead." [He runs in the opposite direction.]

Edd: "But I haven't brushed my teeth or had my crumpet or–" [Ed runs into him, tentclad.]

Ed: "Here, Spot! Come on, boy!"

[Eddy, hustling, strips off his shirt. Edd follows, changing out of his pjs as he runs.]

Edd: "Ed, you're not listening! The spot by the creek!"

Ed: "Spot's by the creek, Eddy!"

[The Eds rush down to the creek, where the kids are playing.]

Eddy: "Tell me something I don't know, Ed."

Nazz: [as the Eds run by] "Hi, Eddy. Hi, Double D."

Ed: "Hello, Ed."

Eddy: [sighting the spot] "I see it! I see it! And it's all ours! Oh, baby!"

[Eddy dives for it. Kevin, carrying a towel, gets in the way and elbows Eddy into the water. He then spreads out his towel in the spot Eddy had picked for himself.]

Kevin: "Didn't see you there, pal."

Eddy: [grabbing Kevin's leg] "That's our spot!"

Kevin: "I don't see your name on it, dork." [He kicks Eddy off.]

Ed: "I got him, Double D, I got him!" [He catches Eddy.]

Edd: "The swimming area's large enough to accommodate us all, Eddy. Let me find you a better spot."

Eddy: [grousing] "Kevin stole the better spot!"

Ed: "I got him, Double D, I got him!" [He runs off.]

Eddy: "Ed!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are playing in the sand. Nazz walks to the water's edge and dips a toe in.]

Rolf: [popping out on a beach ball] "Bada boom! Ha ha ha ha! Do not ask Rolf to stop!"

Eddy: [in a rocky, undesirable area] "Nice spot, Double D. Is there something on my back?"

[On Eddy's back are wedged many rocks, a stick, and a soda can.]

Edd: "This isn't oh so bad, Eddy. Let's stay all day. Oooch."

Ed: "Oink, oink, oink." [He has placed two giant leaves around his neck and has a branch sticking out of the rear of his underpants.] "Oink, oink, oink." [He shoots his tongue out three times.] "I am a lizard! Oink, oink, oink."

Edd: [searching through his bag] "Well, Ed's lack of sleep is evident." [He pulls out a microscope.]

[Nat shows up wearing a one piece bathing suit with flip flops and a towel.]

Nat: "Hey guys sorry I'm late how is everything?"

[The Eds just stare at Nat.]

Nat: "Um...are you guys ok?"

[The Eds continue to stare.]

Nat: "Oook well how is the spot?"

[The Eds snap out of it.]

Eddy: "This spot stinks! There's rocks, garbage, and bugs everywhere!" [He gets swarmed by flies.]

Edd: "Not to mention the lack of shade. Boy, is it hot!" [He continues to hunt through the bag.]

Nat: "Aww I'm sorry guys."

Eddy: "C'mon, let's get out of here."

Edd: "Oh dear. It can't be!" [He drops the bag.] "I forgot my sunscreen! I'm so vulnerable. I can feel my flesh tighten. The stinging of the ultraviolet rays! [He climbs into the bag.] 

Nat: "I'm sorry Double D I wish I brought mine to share with you."

Edd: "Eddy, Kevin stole our spot!"

Eddy: "Man, it's like a merry-go-round. That's exactly what I said twenty pages ago!"

Edd: "But Eddy, look at him. He looks so comfortable."

Eddy: "Let's put a stamp on his head and mail him to Hollywood."

Edd: "Too inhumane, Eddy. In chess, in order to position oneself, one must first go through the pawns."

[It scans the beach and settles on Sarah and Jimmy, who are making a sand unicorn.]

Sarah: "It just needs a ribbon, Jimmy, and it'll be perfect!" [She goes off to get one.]

Jimmy: [patting the sand into shape] "Unicorns are my specialty."

Ed: "Look at me!" [He is riding the unicorn.] "Giddy-up, mutant horse!"

Jimmy: "No, Ed! Unicorns are sensitive!"

Ed: "P'shaw!" [He throws Jimmy on his back and rides.]

Jimmy: "Aah! My tummy!" [Ed's vigorous riding knocks the sand off the unicorn, destroying it.] "I feel queasy."

Sarah: "Ed! Put him down!"

[Ed throws Jimmy off, and Eddy enters.]

Eddy: "Hi, Jimmy, wanna play a game?"

Jimmy: [quavering] "Eddy?"

Sarah: "It's bonehead time."

Eddy: "Ever play 'Splish Splash In a Bath?'"

Ed: "I have!"

Eddy: [taken aback] "You–you have?"

Ed: "Splish splash, take a bath!" [He throws Eddy into the lake. Eddy skips like a stone until he hits a tree growing in the water. The tree tips and both it and Eddy sink.]

Rolf: "Bravo, Ed-boy. A fine toss." [Both he and Nazz clap.]

Ed: "I did a four-splasher! A new splish-splash record."

Sarah: "Look out! I can beat your stupid record." [She shoves him into the lake.]

Jimmy: [on the hot sand] "Ow! Eee! Ooh! Hot! Calluses!"

Edd: [a book on his head] "Excuse me, Jimmy. You wouldn't happen to have any more sunscreen, would you?"

[Various beach toys go sailing over Edd's head.]

Eddy: "What're you waiting for, guys? [He is seen tossing the beach equipment.] Looks like the twerps abandoned their spot! We're one small step to one giant leap from kicking Kevin out of our spot!"

Kevin: "Ha! Good luck, Beach Blanket Dorko!" [He inflates an air mattress in the desired spot, sending a soda flying onto Eddy's head.]

Ed: "Are you going to finish that?"

Eddy: "Gimme back my spot, Kevin!"

Sarah: "Hey! Get out of our spot!"

Eddy: "You and who's army?"

Edd: "You'd think you would've learned by now, Eddy."

Nat: "Sarah doesn't need one."

Sarah: "AAAH!!!" [She attacks, and the three Eds fly into the water. Edd suddenly pops back up, his trunks having inflated. ]

Edd: [cooled] "Ooh! That worked nicely."

[Nat swims over to the Eds.]

Nat: "Are you guys ok?"

Edd: "Yes we are alright Nat."

Eddy: [seeing the empty spot] "Double D, check it out! Our spot's empty! Quick, let's grab it before–"

Kevin: [riding the mattress across the water] "I get back?" [He rides onto the beach and lands in his spot.]

Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy, but I need to revisit the sun issue?"

Eddy: "You're like a broken record, Double D. Geez."

Edd: "Our being surrounded by water seems to be magnifying those ultraviolet rays I told you about earlier, my skin's becoming quite sensitive, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Yap yap yap."

[Suddenly, a shadow passes in front of the sun.]

Edd: "Look, it's an eclipse of the sun!"

Ed: "That's Jonny's head, Double D." [Jonny is sitting on top of the cliff.]

Eddy: "What's he doing up there?" [having an idea] "Hey, check it out! If we had Jonny's spot, we could keep an eye on my spot!"

Nat: "I agree!"

Edd: "At that elevation, it must have a cooling cross-breeze, perhaps even shade!"

Eddy: "It's a cinch. We just need to get rid of Jonny!"

[Ed farts and smiles as bubbles come out of his shorts. Nat makes a disgusted face while Edd and Eddy glare at him.]

[The sun is beating down on the rocks as the Eds and Nat climb the cliff.]

Eddy: [on Ed, who is acting like a camel] "Let's see. What'll we use to get melonhead off his perch? Explosives? Nah. A giant slingshot? Nope. A trapeze! Double D, that's it! We'll use a trapeze! He'll never know what hit him!" [plotting] "We'll lower some rope–and Ed, you can wear the tights."

Edd: [touching a particularly hot rock] "Aaauughgh!"

Nat: [helping Edd up] C'mon Double D."

Ed: "A bar mitzvah."

Eddy: "So anyway, you just swing over,–"

Edd: "A trapeze? Please. Here's an idea, Eddy. Next time, let's just sit in an oven!"

Nat: "I'd rather not."

Eddy: "Why don't you do something useful? LIKE HURRY UP!"

[Nat makes an annoyed face while Edd begins to shake with rage.]

[Ed and Eddy look out at Jonny, who is sunbathing.]

Eddy: [whispering] "Pass me the trapeze, Ed!"

Ed: "What?"

[Edd, brash and bold, walks across the top of the cliff.]

Eddy: "What's Sockhead doing?"

[Edd takes out a whistle and rubs it with his hand then blows it. Jonny leaps up.]

Jonny: "I'm ready, coach!"

[Jonny runs to the edge of the cliff and jumps. On the way down, he performs an acrobatic maneuver and dives into the pool in a graceful belly flop.]

Jonny: [surfacing] "Did I make the team, Plank?"

Eddy: [in awe] "Double D! That was pure genius!"

Nat: "Good thinking!"

Edd: "Thank you Nat, can we move on? This heat is unbearable."

[A stream of white liquid shoots by Edd. Ed has his foot on the sunscreen bottle and is squeezing the goo out.]

Ed: "The sound of a babbling brook makes me want to babble, Double D."

Edd: "Was that Jonny's sunscreen?"

Eddy: "Oh, this is perfect. Once Kevin moves, we'll just swoop in–we'll be the kings and queen of the swimming hole!"

[Edd is desperately trying to shake some remnants of sunscreen into his palm.]

Edd: [tossing the empty bottle away] "My kingdom for sunscreen."

Eddy: "Ed, you be lookout."

Ed: "One two buckle my shoe." [He gets into position and looks out over the beach.]

Eddy: "Mess with me, will he? Ha!"

[The sun has sunk low to the ground, temperatures have cooled, shadows have lengthened, and the kids are tired out from a day at the beach. Nazz leaves with a yawn, followed by Kevin, who is carrying back all his beach paraphernalia. Ed, at the top of the cliff, waves goodbye.]

Ed: "Seeya, Kevin!"

Eddy: [excited] "Kevin leave? Woohoo! Took him long enough. Slug."

Edd: "Assistance please. Assistance."

Nat: "Oh no." [She tries to lift Edd up but let's go when he squeals] "I'm sorry!"

[Edd is stretched out on the cliff, his body burned red from a day without sunscreen.]

Eddy: "What's with you?"

Edd: "Mother nature is sssooooooooooo unforgiving."

Ed: [extending his arm] "Come on, Double D." [He lifts Edd to a standing position.]

Edd: "Yowch! Don't touch me!" [He touches his face.] "Ow! My face! Every nerve in the primary layers of skin are screaming, 'DOUBLE D, YOU NINCOMPOOP, YOU FORGOT THE SUNSCREEN!'" [He moves.] "Yeowch!"

Eddy: "You look a little sunburnt, Double D."

Edd: [through gritted teeth] "Don't toy with me, Eddy, I'll be shedding for weeks!"

Eddy: "Welcome to the great outdoors, Nature Boy. What a whiner." [He realizes he's burned on his left side.]

Ed: "I am a lizard." [He is also half burnt.] "I have changed colors! I have become Chameleon Man! Oink!"

Edd: "Stay back!" [Ed prods his sensitive skin.] "Ouch!"

Ed: "Oink!" [He pokes Edd again.]

Edd: "Yahouch! Eddy, make him stop!"

Eddy: "Cut it out–"

Ed: "Oink!" [He prods Eddy.]

Eddy: "Ow!"

Ed: "You can be my sidekick, Frogmouth Kid! And–and Double D is our butler, um...Double D!"

[Eddy decides to slap Ed's burnt back.]

Ed: "Oink!" [He pokes both of his friends.]

Edd and Eddy: "Ow!" [They hit back.]

Ed: "Oink!" [He pokes them again.]

Edd and Eddy: "Ow!" [The hit is returned.]

Ed: "Oink!"

Edd and Eddy: "Ow!"

Ed: "Oink oink! Oink oink!"

Nat: "Guys we should probably go now."

[The Eds stare at Nat and notice her skin is free from burns.]

Eddy: "Hey how come you didn't get sunburnt?"

Nat: "I put sunscreen on before I left the house."

[The Eds stare in shock.]


	50. High Heeled Ed

[The camera pans through a sewer.]

Eddy: "Gruesome, tasteless, hideous and repulsive! Pure genius!"

Edd: [in protective gear] "How you ever talked me into this is beyond me. We're in a sewer, Eddy! An incubator for every parasite known to humans!"

Eddy: "It writes itself, Double D! We're gonna be rich! Filthy rich, I tell ya."

Nat: "Why would anyone want to be down here?"

Eddy: "It's GOING to work."

[Nat sighs]

[A trail of bubble is seen in front of the boat. Something rises from the muck.]

Edd and Nat: "Look out behind you!"

Eddy: "That's the oldest trick in the book, Sheesh, get real." [The tentacle behind him gloms on to his head and picks him up.] "Aah! Let me go! Let me go!"

Edd: "Don't fight it, Eddy! Try to–" [A wave sprays all over him.]

Eddy: "Ed, stop! Save it for the customers!"

Ed: "I am an Edapuss, 'cause I'm Ed."

Eddy: "You're gonna be Ed-a-dead after I get–"

Nazz: "Swamp Ride?"

Sarah: "Oh, brother!"

Eddy: "Customers."

[In the lane, Sarah, Nazz, and Jimmy are walking.]

Sarah: "Who wants to ride a swamp?"

Nazz: "I think I'll pass."

Jimmy: "Why can't the Eds think of something nice to ride, like a dolphin?" [He falls through the open manhole.]

Nazz: "Boys will be boys." [She and Sarah walk on, oblivious to Jimmy's predicament.]

Jimmy: [landing in sludge] "Sarah?" [He turns around to face the masked Edd.] "Gym teacher!" [He faints.]

Ed: "I am Edapuss, because I am a–"

Eddy: [pushing Ed away] "Hang on, he hasn't paid yet. Numskull." [to Jimmy] "Welcome to Ed and Nat's Swamp Ride. That'll be twenty-five cents."

Jimmy: "Sarah!"

Sarah: [returning to the manhole] "Jimmy! What happened?"

Jimmy: "I fell on my tushy, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Don't move! I'll save you!"

[Sarah pulls out a modified fishing pole and casts it in. She catches Jimmy and hauls him out.]

Sarah: "Pee-yew, Jimmy, you stink!"

Nazz: [covering her nostrils] "That's putting it mildly."

Eddy: [from the sewer] "Hey! Why don't you let the guy have some fun, huh?"

Sarah: "You're in a sewer, idiot. It's dirty, and stinky–"

Eddy: "It's called ambiance! It's a swamp ride, get it? What do you girls know about–" [A sign is thrown down at him.] "No skin off my nose, Sarah. I'm sure Kevin, Rolf, even Jonny will–"

Sarah: "They went go-karting!"

Eddy: [popping out of the hole] "Go-karting?"

Sarah: "And they won't be back till supper. Bye bye!" [She throws the manhole cover back on the manhole. As a result, Eddy is hit by the cover and plummets back down into the sludge.]

Ed: "I think Sarah likes you, Eddy."

Eddy: "Great. We're stuck here with two girls and a Jimmy. This calls for a change of plans, Double D and Nat. We need to find our more sensitive side." [He tickles Edd and Nat.]

Ed: "I found my sensitive side, 'cause it has a rash."

Eddy: "Oh!"

[Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Edd: [disgusted] "Thank you for sharing that with us, Ed."

Eddy: "Now, what do girls like?"

Nat: "Well girls like-"

Ed: "Sarah likes to watch me eat yogurt from my belly button. Heh heh heh!"

[Eddy, Nat and Edd give him disgusted looks]

Edd: [after a long pause] "Ahem. Before Ed fills my head with any more disturbing images, I suggest a study. An observation of girls in their habitats."

Nat: "Ok sure."

Eddy: "Study? I follow my guts, Double D."

Ed: "I smell waffles, guys and girl."

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed." [He pulls Ed out of the sewer.]

Jimmy: [at the top of a slide] "Won't I stick to it and chafe my thighs again, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Don't be silly, silly! On your mark, get set,"

Jimmy: [sliding down] "Whee!"

[Nat approaches them slightly nervous.]

Sarah: "Hey Nat! Want to play with us?"

Nat: "Sure I'd love to."

Sarah: "Last one to the swings is an Ed!"

[They run to the swing-set, laughing. Edd, who has hidden himself behind the slide, makes some notes.]

Nazz: "Check this out, Sarah and Nat!" [She jumps on a rope swing and does a gymnastic stunt, landing in a pile of leaves.] "Awesome!"

Nat: "Wow!"

Sarah: [jumping into the pile from the other direction] "Whee! Gee, Nazz, that was rad! Did it hurt?"

Nazz: "Not when you land softly, Sarah!"

Nat: "Hey girls watch this!" [She swings high into the air and jumps off, doing a front flip as she lands on her feet.]

Nazz: "Awesome!"

Sarah: "That was incredible!"

Nat: "Thanks girls that's really sweet!"

[Edd stares in astonishment.]

Sarah: "Can I try?"

Nazz: "Uh, sorta dangerous. Start slow. Try the spinning wheel."

Sarah: "Okay, girlfriend!"

[After they leave, Ed and Eddy stick their heads out of the leaf pile.]

Eddy: "Soft? She practically broke my back!"

[Sarah starts on the merry-go round. Eddy watches from a hollow tree. Suddenly, the wheel lifts up to reveal Ed is working as the axle.]

Eddy: "Oh, oh! Discovery! Discovery!"

Edd: [from a bush beside Eddy] "What is it?"

[They both look at Ed.]

Eddy: "Don't you just want to pinch his cheeks?"

Edd: [signaling] "Get down, get down!"

[Ed heeds Edd's signals and dives. The merry-go-round, no longer supported by anything, falls into the dirt and grinds down a few feet. Sarah, still holding on, is shoved into the dirt by it.]

Sarah: [dazed and confused] "Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Jumping jackrabbits, look at those stubborn grass stains!" [Edd makes some notes.] "Better use some club soda on those clothes. It's the only way to get them clean. Hurry and meet me in the daisies, Sarah!"

[Jimmy is running through a field of flowers, where the Eds are disguised as flowers.]

Jimmy: "Whee! The fragrance of flowers is so sweet!" [spotting some new flowers] "Hello, you new in town? May I smell you? Why thank you."

[Jimmy grabs the three new flowers. These flowers are really Eddy's hair. The scent of Eddy makes Jimmy start to gag.]

Jimmy: "Yuck! You smell like cheap shampoo! I'm tearing!" [He runs away.]

[Nat approaches the Eds.]

Nat: "What did you get?"

Edd: "Gentlemen, and I use that term lightly, and lady, I think I've compiled enough data for us to proceed. According to my observations, girls are prone to 1: soft, as in Nazz; 2: sweet, describing Nat; 3: clean, reference Sarah, and 4: fresh fragrance, a la Jimmy."

Eddy: "That's stupid! We're right back where we started–" [an idea hits] "Bingo!" [The lightbulb goes out and Eddy flicks it on again.] "It's the pants!"

[Nat makes a confused face]

Edd: [surprised] "Pants, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Chicks dig pants! Nazz wears pants, Sarah wears pants, Nat wears pants–"

Edd: "You wear pants!"

Eddy: [proudly] "I wear pants."

[Edd and Nat giggle, and Eddy realizes that by his reasoning he is a girl.]

Edd: "Pay attention, Eddy! Soft, sweet, clean, and fresh it is!" [He walks off.]

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Eddy: [following] "I hate it when he does that."

Ed: "Quack."

[Eddy looks out of a bush in the lane. Nazz rides a bike past, and Sarah and Jimmy follow.]

Sarah: "Hurry, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "When are we going to push back our cuticles, Sarah?"

Eddy: [leaping out of the bush] "Hey! Hold up! For the first time, specially designed for you tender types, and priced to delight, our Snuggle-Me-Ed!" [He pulls a fuzz-covered Ed from the bush.] "He's soft, sweet, clean, and fresh."

Sarah: "So what?"

Nazz: "Is that dryer lint all over him?"

Eddy: "Nat, wouldn't you pay twenty-five cents to hug the neck?"

Ed: [scared] "Bug?!? GET IT OFF GET IT OFF! AAAAAAHHH!!!"

[Ed runs through part of the fence. This part was holding up another, longer part, which collapses on Edd, Nat, Eddy, Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz.]

Jimmy: "Oh no." [the fence falls] "Ow."

Eddy: "Don't think she went for it."

[Sarah lifts up a board and climbs out.]

Sarah: "ED, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! I'M TELLING ON–" [she fondles her earlobe] "Oh no. My earring! I lost my earring!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "I feel so guilty."

Sarah: [crying] "I loved my earring!"

Jimmy: [climbing out] "Sarah, look, I'm trendy!" [Jimmy has a nose ring.] "Fashion can be so painful."

Sarah: "My earring! Gimme it!" [She rips the earring from Jimmy's nose.] "Thank you Jimmy! Thank you thank you thank you!"

Eddy: [having an epiphany] "Did you see that? All those emotions over stupid jewelry? Double D! It's a gold mine!"

[Sarah is playing tennis. Eddy pushes Ed, Nat and Edd out from behind a tree. Ed, Nat and Edd have with them a serving cart.]

Eddy: "Go on!"

Edd: [scared] "Retreat."

Eddy: [pushing them out again] "What's the big deal? They're just girls." 

Nat: "But I'm a girl."

[The ball hits Eddy in the mouth.]

Sarah: "Hey hey hey! Get lost!" [to a prone Eddy] "No guys allowed!"

Nat: "But Jimmy is a guy."

Eddy: "If you weren't Ed's sister, I'd–!" [Edd clamps a hand over Eddy's mouth.]

Edd: "What Eddy's trying to say is, we're having a jewelry sale and–"

Sarah: "Jewelry?"

Nazz: "A sale!"

Jimmy: "Baubles and bangles!"

Ed: [wheeling the cart forward] "Imported by an armored truck from the house of European wieners."

Eddy: "Behold!"

Ed: "Behold."

[Ed rips the cloth cover off. The girls besides Nat and Jimmy's faces are lit by the glimmering jewelry.]

Nazz: "Look at all that gold!" [The jewelry is golden kitchen utensils.]

Sarah: "They're so shiny!"

Jimmy: "Lemme see, lemme see!"

Nat: "See anything you like?"

Nazz: "I'm looking for something a little different, only still the same so it matches, without it being too similar."

Eddy: "We'll just check our vault. Officer Ed!" [He shoves Ed through the fence.]

Ed: "A spatula!" [He dips it in a can of gold paint.] "Jewelry for Nazz."

Jimmy: [hunting through the jewelry, pulling out a slinky] "This looks interesting."

Edd: "Yes, well, you obviously have an eye for, ahem, creativity."

Nazz: [receiving the spatula] "Thanks, Ed."

Ed: "She went for it, Eddy."

Jimmy: [now dissatisfied] "That's gaudy."

Eddy: [grabbing it] "Gaudy, nothing. You must have suffered a brain lag, as this is one of our more popular–" [unsure what to say] "–neck-doohickey things."

Sarah: "Can I try it on?"

Eddy: "Why, certainly, miss. Allow me." [He pulls out a mirror.]

[Sarah puts on the jewelry, and it makes her neck stretch out like a giraffe. She ends up with her neck bent double and stretching ten feet into the air.]

Sarah: "How do I look?"

Eddy: "Like a million bucks. Will that be cash, or cash?"

Sarah: "I don't like it!"

Edd: "They hate our merchandise, Eddy!"

Ed: "Give 'em what they want! Can openers." [running to paint the opener] "My mom loves can openers." [He looks back at his friends, confused.] "Are moms girls?"

Eddy: "Not sure."

Edd: "Well, technically..."

Eddy: "Beats me."

Nat: "Yes they are."

Ed: [putting the opener in the paint] "Boy, that's pretty."

[The can opener digs through the bottom of the can, and the contents empty out all over Ed's pants.]

Ed: "Huh? Oops."

Eddy: [talking business] "This ain't a library. Buy or get lost."

Ed: [calling] "Eddy!"

Eddy: "Pardon us for a moment." [He drags Edd and Nat to Ed.]

Ed: [in the lane with them] "Guys, I spilled paint all over my good pants." [He does indeed have gold pants on.]

Eddy: "Oh great. We're hooped."

Nazz: [spotting the pants] "Awesome pants!"

Jimmy: "Are they for sale?"

Eddy: "Uh..."

Jimmy: "I must have them!"

Sarah: "Gimme 'em, they're mine!"

Nazz: "I saw them first!"

[Eddy watches in greed and Edd and Nat watch in horror.]

Eddy: "Get ready to retire, Double D and Nat." [grabbing the pants] "Cashier's this way, ladies!"

[Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz follow him.]

Sarah: "Hey!"

Nazz: "Aw, come on, Eddy."

Jimmy: "Do you have a layaway plan?"

Eddy: "Feast your eyes on these golden pantaloons! Any offers?"

Nazz: [seductively] "Eddy, it would be so sweet to get those as a gift."

Eddy: [incoherent] "Well uh you knuh i mag a play egg yeah nis madnam."

Edd: "Try syllables in sentences, Eddy."

Sarah: [going after Edd] "Double D? You can get me those pants, can'tcha?" [She backs him up to Eddy.]

Edd: "Nat help!"

Nazz: "Eddy?"

Sarah: "Double D?"

[Nat gets in between the girls and guys.]

Nat: "C'mon girls give them some space."

Jimmy: "Five dollars!" [Sarah and Nazz jump back, surprised.] "For the golden pants."

Eddy: [greed overtaking his lust] "Sold!"

Edd: "Phew!"

Jimmy: [giddy] "Pinch me I'm dreaming! Whee!" [in the pants] "I feel just like Elvis Presley. Jealous?" [The paint develops cracks.] "Oh no! When will the torment end?"

[Jimmy falls, and the paint on the pants shatters into tiny pieces. Jimmy is wearing Ed's pants.]

Nazz: "That wasn't gold, fakers!"

Sarah: "You gypped us!"

Edd: "Exposed."

Nat: "Revealed."

Eddy: "Busted."

Ed: "Nope. Can't think of a word."

[Nazz snatches the $5 bill from Eddy.]

Jimmy: [a bag over his head] "The shame!"

Nazz: "Here's your money, Jimmy." [Jimmy removes the bag. To the Eds] "Grow up."

Sarah: "Wait till you get home, Ed."

Jimmy: "Charlatans."

[The Eds and Nat are left alone in the lane.]

Ed: "Spending an extended time in female company can be mentally disorientating and physically confusing."

Nat: "Oh really?"

Eddy: "What's up with you?"

Edd: "Ed's trouserless state seems to have jarred an intellectual moment within the confines of his brain."

Eddy: "Ed? Is that you?"

Ed: [back to normal] "Hug me!"

Eddy: "Well that didn't last long."

Ed: "Hug!" [He squeezes Eddy.]

Eddy: "Ed!" [He wriggles out of Ed's grip and climbs over the fence.]

Ed: [holding his arms wide] "Double D my pal!"

Edd: "Please, Ed? Ed, no wait! Eddy!"

[Edd climbs the fence as well.]

Ed: "Nat my friend!"

Nat: "No thank you Ed."

[Nat also climbs the fence. Ed runs right through it and hugs his friends.]

Ed: "Hug, guys!"

Edd: "Ed you're in your underwear!"

Ed: "Okay I feel loved now."


	51. Fa-La-La-La-Ed

[Ed and Eddy walk from one room into another, snickering all the way.]

Edd: "We're not allowed to play up here, fellas!"

[His friends sneak into another room, but he doesn't see them.]

Edd: "I repeat, upstairs is off limits!"

Nat: "Guys please listen to him!"

[A breaking sound is heard.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "This is not good." [He flings a door open, a hand over his eyes.] "You're trespassing in my parents' bedroom! Please leave now or I'll have to call an attorney!"

Eddy: [imitating Edd's mother] "Eddward! Must your father and I remind you to finish your homework?"

Ed: [as Edd's father] "That is right, son. A mind is a terrible organ to shovel."

Edd: "HAVE YOU GONE MAD?" [He attempts to pull Ed from the bed, then checks his arm.] "My blood sugar seems a tad low."

[Eddy snickers.]

Edd: "EDDY, YOU'RE CONTAMINATING MOTHER'S LINEN WITH MILLIONS OF DEAD SKIN CELLS!" [Eddy dives beneath the sheets.] "If you two only knew the regimen of cleaning procedures that you've set into place–"

Eddy: "Woohoo!" [He is spinning on a rotatable mirror.] "Jane, stop this crazy thing!" [The lump in the middle of the bedspread collapses.]

Ed: "Look what I found!" [He pops out of a drawer.] "Sticky notes!"

Edd: "You put those back!"

Eddy: "You're in trouble, Ed!" [He runs away gleefully.]

Ed: "I'm a bad boy!" [Ed follows Eddy away, putting sticky notes on him as they run.] "Sticky note! Sticky note! Sticky note!"

Edd: "Downstairs immediately!" [Ed's tongue hits Edd in the face. Edd pulls it away to reveal a sticky note with "stiky note" written on it.] "Your spelling's atrocious, Ed."

Nat: "Can we please go somewhere else?!"

[Eddy comes by in a rowboat.]

Eddy: "Row! Row! Row! Row!"

Edd: "Eddy, you're scratching the floor!"

Eddy: "Row! And–"

Ed: "My turn!" [He leaps on Eddy.] "Boing!"

Eddy: [hitting Ed with a paddle] "Smack!"

Ed: [flying] "Whoosh!"

Edd: [chasing] "Pant pant pant pant."

Ed: "Ha ha!" [Ed crashes in a closet.] "Oop."

Edd: [looking wildly for him] "Where'd he go? Where'd he go?"

Nat: [pointing] "There he is!"

Ed: "Look what I found!"

Edd: "NO, NOT THAT!"

Ed: "Bubble wrap." [He pops a bubble, damaging the ceiling.]

[Nat stares in shock.]

Edd: "Ed!"

Ed: "Cool!" [He then pulls a whole sheet out. The object wrapped inside the bubble wrap comes out and falls on Edd's head.] "What was that?"

Eddy: "It's a hunk of baloney, Ed. What are ya?"

Edd: [slightly dazed] "Baloney? Please." [He strains to lift it. Nat helps him.] "It's–the–ancestral fruitcake!"

Eddy: "Looks like you got competition, Ed." [Ed grins at this.]

Edd: "For decades, we parade the cake every Christmas!"

[Ed, suddenly alert, presses on top of Edd's head to rewind.]

Edd: "For decades, we parade the cake every Christmas!" [Ed rewinds again.] "Every Christmas!"

Ed: [excited] "Christmas, Eddy! I want a flying saucer, a pen and pencil set, four egg rolls, a subscription to Chunky Puff Quarterly, a box of Band-Aids, a big book, and...um..."

Eddy: "Get over it, Ed. It's July! Anyways, Christmas stinks. All I ever get is clothes."

Ed: "That's 'cause Santa knows you're a naughty little boy, Eddy."

Eddy: [trying to bite Ed] "Santa don't know squat!"

Ed: [grabs Eddy by the mouth in a panic] "DON'T EVER SAY THAT, EDDY! Santa is making his list and checking it twice." [Sleigh bells are heard.] "SANTA!" [Ed laughs merrily.]

Eddy: "You're scaring me, Ed." [He goes to the window and looks out.] "Hey! You there!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are running somewhere, piggy banks tucked under their arms.]

Eddy: [when they look up] "Yes you, with the piggy banks! Where you guys going?"

Sarah: [grumpily] "Don't bother, Eddy. I forget where we're going."

Jimmy: "We're going to a party, silly." [to Eddy] "It's Piggy Bank Day! Gee whillikers, Eddy, you know. The day where everyone cracks open their piggy banks and spends all their money?"

Sarah: "Why don't you tell him your shoe size, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Why?" [Sarah pulls him away.]

Edd: "Of course, it's Piggy Bank Day!"

Nat: "A new holiday, how exciting!"

Eddy: "Now that's what I call a holiday! Piggy banks, money, and spending. 'Tis the season, Double D."

Ed: [holding a sprig of mistletoe] "Do you see what I see?" [He puckers up.]

Nat: [blushing] "U-Uh-"

Eddy: "Where'd you get that mistletoe in July?!"

Edd: "There's no kissing allowed in my parents' room, Ed!"

Nat: "W-We should probably go find the other kids!" [She rushes out.]

Eddy: [using Edd as a shield] "You take care of Ed, Double D. I've got another nut to crack. Or should I say, piggy bank." [He leaves.]

Edd: [backing away from Ed] "Ed, please! I already like someone!"

[The kids are at the piggy bank party, playing.]

Jonny: [coming up to Nazz] "Snort snort snort!"

Nazz: "Oink oink to you too!" [They look at Kevin.]

Kevin: "Oink. Yeah, whatever."

[We then look at Jimmy, who is crying. He has a mallet poised over his bank.]

Jimmy: "Oh the agony! And the ecstasy!"

Sarah: "Hit it, Jimmy! Smash it into tiny pieces!"

Jimmy: "The guilt's too great for one person to bear, Sarah."

Sarah: "Well, then, let's do it together!"

Jimmy: "Okay!"

Sarah: [helping lift the hammer] "Upsa-daisy!"

Eddy: "Greetings, fellow grungers! Tired of the cleanup when all your piggy-smashing's done?" [He, Nat and Edd are on a vehicle with a giant metal pig on it.]

Kevin: "Check it out, guys. It's Dork and Beans!"

Edd: [not getting the reference] "Beans? An edible seed?"

[Nat shrugs]

Eddy: [hopping out] "Our Piggy-Bank Belly-Pumper will extract your cash without you having to smash."

Jimmy: "Really? Sarah! I can cancel my therapy!"

Ed: [as an elf with a gift box] "Not yet, for it is Christmas and I bear stuff." [He bends down, gets confused, then remembers what he was going to do.] "Oh yeah." [He reaches into the box and pulls out a shovel with red stripes painted on it.] "Who wants a jumbo candy cane?"

Kevin: "It's July, bonehead."

Ed: "And a partridge in a pear–" [Eddy smacks Ed in the face with the shovel.]

Eddy: "What can I tell ya? Now, who wants their piggy-bank belly pumped?"

Jimmy: "Um, I'm not sure..."

Eddy: "First customer gets a discount." [He takes the piggy bank.]

Kevin: "Oh, this is gonna be good."

Eddy: "Don't blink." [He pushes a button, and the bank is cleaned.]

Jonny: "Shazam."

Nazz: "Cool!"

Eddy: "Now hang on to your snouts, 'cause after this patented suction cycle, your–" [a sock descends next to him] "–hard-earned Christmas stocking will come out here." [He realizes what he said.]

Ed: [pinning another stocking to the side of the machine] "Stocking ready for stuffing, Santa!"

Eddy: "Ed! [removes the stockings] Beat it or I'll stuff your sock!"

Ed: "But Eddy, I am an elf." [He hears something from inside the machine.]

Edd: "Oh, curse my gullibility."

Nat: "No Double D don't!"

Ed: "For shame." [louder] "Santa, spare him!" [He rips away the side of the belly-pumper, revealing Nat and Edd with a hammer about to smash Jimmy's piggy bank.]

Kevin: "Hello."

Ed: "Naughty boy, Double D."

Jimmy: "My piggy!"

Edd: "Oh, I'm so ashamed!" [He bursts into tears. Nat holds him close.]

Nat: "It's ok Double D."

Ed: "There, there. Santa forgives."

[As a poor and guilt-ridden Edd continues to cry tears of shame in Nat's arms, the kids angrily stare at Eddy.]

Eddy: [trying to absolve himself of any guilt] "Oh, how could you, Double D! It's his hat. It's too tight. Cuts off the circulation, you know."

[The kids continue to stare at him in disbelief.]

Ed: [in Eddy's face] "Santa sees all. A lump of coal for naughty Eddy. Alley-oop." [to Jimmy] "Here's your piggy back bank–um–back Jimmy. Merry Christmas!"

Jimmy: [shaking the pig] "Piggy's belly's full, Sarah!"

Kevin: "It's better to give–"

Nazz: "Than to receive, Ed."

Kevin: "That's why I'm giving Eddy a knuckle sandwich!"

Rolf: "Kevin! Air mail!" [He throws Wilfred at Kevin.] "I must feast my eyes on the sow of Christmas past." [Rolf is staring at the Piggy-Bank Belly-Pumper.]

Kevin: "It's not Christmas, Rolf."

Eddy: "It's July!"

Rolf: "Not since Rolf's youth has the foul odor of the Christmas sow taunted Rolf's nostrils!" [Wilfred squeals.]

Jonny: "That's the spirit, Wilfred!"

Rolf: "The scrolls proclaim, 'Every time a pig squeals an angel gets its–'"

Jonny: "I'm a pig too, Wilfred." [bending down to the pig's level] "See my snout?" [Wilfred attacks.] "Aaah! Uncle! Uncle!"

Eddy: "Christmas stinks."

Rolf: "Come! Gather round Rolf, as I cannot contain the Christmas mirth crawling up my back hair! Merry Christmas, Jonny wood-boy." [He hands Jonny a yo-yo.]

Jonny: "For me?"

Kevin: "You feeling all right, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Merry Christmas, Kevin." [He gives Kevin a unicycle.]

Jimmy: "Presents?"

Rolf: "Jimmy."

Jimmy: "Whee! Just what I've always wanted!"

[Rolf has handed over one of his shoes. It is then shown that he has given his clothes as gifts.]

Nazz: "Uh, gee, thanks, Rolf."

Ed: [to Rolf, who is in his underwear] "Merry Christmas, Rolf!"

Eddy: [thoroughly annoyed] "IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS!"

Kevin: [getting into the spirit] "Who's up for eggnog?" [The kids begin to follow him to his place.]

Nazz: "Oh, me!"

Jonny: "I'm up, so is Plank!"

Sarah: "Wait for me!"

Rolf: [carrying Wilfred] "Chestnuts. I must have chestnuts."

[Edd is squatting in the ruined scam, crying tears of misery.]

Nat: [handing Edd a tissue] "Here."

[Edd take the tissue and wipes his eyes with it.]

Edd: "Thank you Nat."

Nat: "Your welcome."

[A hand taps Edd on the shoulder.]

Jimmy: "Double D?" [He holds out his piggy bank.] "Merry Christmas."

Edd: "Jimmy? Why um, thank you, but I couldn't." [He pushes the pig away.]

Jimmy: [miffed, offering it again] "But it's Christmas."

Eddy: [bounding up] "Wait! I'll take it. Merry Christmas, Jimmy!"

Sarah: [coming back for Jimmy] "Hit the road, Scrooge!" [She pulls Jimmy away.]

Eddy: "I don't get it."

Edd: "Don't you see, Eddy? The spirit of Christmas isn't in getting presents; it's about giving joy! Goodwill! And peace on Earth!"

Nat: "Don't forget love!"

Eddy: [having an idea] "I got it! So what are we waiting for, Double D and Nat? I know how to get the gift that keeps on giving." [He pulls Edd and Nat away.]

Edd: "Sounds like Mother's brussel sprouts."

[The sound of sleigh bells is heard, and Nazz opens her door. There is snow falling.]

Nazz: "Do you hear it, Kevin?"

[They look up and see Ed on the roof. Ed is scratching his head, and his dandruff is falling like snow.]

Ed: "Fah-laky!" [He laughs.] "Ho ho ho!"

Kevin: "Get off the roof, ya–"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: [singing] "Jingle bells, jingle bells, giving joy all day–" [Ed falls off the roof.]

Eddy: [seeing Nazz giggle, he pulls out his money jar] "We made you laugh, so give up your cash, and cheer will come your way!" [Nazz shakes a few quarters from her piggy bank into the jar.] "Bingo."

[The Eds and Nat are in Jimmy's house.]

The Eds and Nat: "Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. Give us cash or we'll never stop singing, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la."

[More quarters drop into the jar.]

[The Eds and Nat are at a door, singing.]

The Eds and Nat: "We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christ–" [The door opens and Edd, Nat and Eddy stop.]

Ed: "–mas, we wish you a merry Christmas, so give us some cash!"

[The Eds and Nat are at Rolf's house. Rolf has decorated with various meats. As Edd and Nat leave after Ed finishes the song, Eddy holds the jar out worriedly.]

Rolf: [putting bacon in the jar] "No cash. A fine strip of bacon, yes?" [Eddy gives off a look of annoyance.]

Ed: [decorating a Christmas tree] "Am I a good elf, Nat and Double D?"

Nat: [helping] "Absolutely!"

Edd: [also helping] "Santa would be proud, Ed. You did a wonderful thing by bringing the spirit of Christmas to the cul-de-sac."

Ed: "That is 'cause I'm an elf, Double D."

[A large Santa bag hops its way into the park where Ed, Nat and Edd are.]

Eddy: [lifting the bag] "I'm back! Surprise!" [He heaves the bag onto a tree stump and dives in.]

Ed: "What'd I get, what'd I get?"

Eddy: [popping up with a jawbreaker] "I love Christmas!"

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: [happy] "Eddy! Jawbreakers?"

Eddy: "A yuletide haul, Double D."

Edd: "It's absolutely magnificent! Oh, Eddy, you shouldn't have."

Eddy: "Had to cash in that jar of Christmas cheer, you know." [Ed steals the jawbreaker.]

Edd: "Ed, that's my jawbreaker!"

Eddy: "Relax, Double D. There's plenty more where that–" [He looks at the now empty tree stump.] "WHERE'D THEY GO?"

Ed: "And what would you like for Christmas, young man?" [Ed has taken the bag and is playing Santa.]

Jimmy: "A jawbreaker."

Ed: [stuffing one in Jimmy's mouth] "There you go!"

Jimmy: "Yummy!"

Eddy: "ED!" [He looks around the lane.]

Rolf: "Jawbreaker is good, yes?" [Rolf feeds one to Wilfred. All the kids are enjoying them.]

Eddy: [despairing] "HE GAVE AWAY ALL MY JAWBREAKERS!"

Edd: [trying to hold Eddy back] "Eddy, wait! You're wearing out the soles of my shoes!" [Edd loses his grip.]

[Nat tries to grab Eddy but she misses.]

Ed: "Ho ho ho!" [He looks in the bag.]

Eddy: "Ed!" [He dives at Ed, but Ed moves to the side, and Eddy hits the Christmas display.]

Ed: "And one for the elf. I gave jawbreakers to all, so to all a good night." [Eddy gets back up and attempts to attack Ed again, only to bounce off and fall back to the ground. Ed smiles as a snowflake iris fades to black.]


	52. Cry Ed

Jonny: "Give it all you got, Eddy!"

Rolf: "Not since Mama got a new shoehorn have I seen such bravery!"

[Eddy is apparently performing feats of daring.]

Nazz: "What's happening, guys?"

Rolf: "Hotshot Eddy once again interrupts our personal drudgery."

Eddy: "Don't try this at home, kids!" [He bounces by on a giant rubber ball.]

Nazz: "Radical!"

Ed: "Aw, come on, Eddy, my turn!"

Nat: "Look at him go!"

Edd: [exhausted] "For heaven's sakes." [He rubs his side.] "I think I've lost about ten pounds this season."

Kevin: "What's up, Nazz?" [Eddy's ball lands on him.]

Eddy: "Keep your eyes peeled!"

Sarah: [dragging Jimmy into the yard] "Forget that showoff, Jimmy."

Jimmy: [enchanted] "But Eddy might crash!"

[The vehicle goes under a covered patio. Eddy rams into the roof twice and comes out perfectly fine.]

Jonny: "He made it!"

Jimmy: "Wait! He's losing control!"

Kevin: "I wish."

[Eddy lands on a clothesline and yawns. The line then rockets him straight up. A clothespin comes loose and heads for Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Murphy's law, do your stuff!" [The clothespin gently taps his foot.] "Ouch!" [He clutches his leg.] "My foot! It's broken! Owie!"

Sarah: "Jimmy?"

Jonny: "That clothespin went right for him, Plank!"

Sarah: "You okay, Jimmy?" [The kids congregate around him.]

Jimmy: "Did someone get the number of that launderade?"

Nazz: "Poor Jimmy!"

[Eddy comes down in a kiddie pool standing on his tounge as his grand finale.]

Eddy: "Ta-da!" [He sees all the kids leaving.]

Jonny: "Plank says clothespins are known to attack at the blink of an eye!"

Eddy: "What's with that? I had them eating out of the palm of my hand!"

Nat: "They went with Sarah and Jimmy."

Edd: "Jimmy's mishap with a rogue clothespin took precedence, Eddy. It's hard to compete with misfortune."

Ed: [oblivious] "Fools! As it is my turn to ride the cluck-ball. Look up my nose and see your future." [Edd, Nat and Eddy stand, silent.]

Edd: "As I was saying, humans are naturally attracted to the blunders, bruises, and over-the-top cartoon antics of others. Sympathetic or otherwise."

[An elephant's call is heard. We see that the bubble has popped, and it is deflating and Ed with it. Eddy chuckles from witnessing this.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear. Ed, are you all right?"

Eddy: [scheming] "Hmm. Sympathetic or otherwise, huh?"

[Jimmy is sprawled on a lawn chair. Sarah comes up to him with a glass of water.]

Sarah: "Here Jimmy! Drink some water." [Jimmy sips from the glass.]

Nazz: "Is there anything we can do for you?"

Rolf: "Let Rolf nurture you with a bowl of Nano's pre-chewed seven-course dinner?"

Jimmy: "My tummy, Sarah. Pitiless is the tempest sea." [He faints.]

Rolf: "Emergency! We must implement the boat procedures."

[A wheelbarrow is rolling down the lane. Ed is pushing it, making siren sounds all the way. Eddy is inside the barrow, heavily bandaged. Edd and Nat run beside the wheelbarrow.]

Eddy: "Oh, the pain!" [to Ed] "As soon as you see the kids, slow to a stop, Ed." [to Edd and Nat] "Double D, Nat, it's Oscar time."

Edd: "I've abandoned all confidence, morals, and integrity, Eddy. An actor I shall be."

Nat: "I'll try Eddy."

[Rolf is shaking Jimmy when the sirens are heard.]

Jimmy: "Someone's in trouble."

Kevin: "Whoa! It's coming from the lane."

Rolf: "You are right, Kevin." [He drops Jimmy.] "Come, Jonny."

Sarah: [seeing the kids leave] "Rolf? Jonny? NAZZ? What about poor Jimmy?" [She flings her arms wide, hitting Jimmy in the nose.]

[Ed runs past the kids.]

Eddy: "Ed, back up, you idiot!"

Ed: [backing up] "Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep."

Eddy: [hamming it up] "Oh, the soreness of the ache!"

Nat: [pretending to comfort] "Be strong Eddy! Your going to make it!"

Edd: [also pretending to comfort] "Be brave, Eddy! All is well. Chin up, fine fellow!"

Nazz: "Are you all right, Eddy?"

Ed: "The patient has suffered a Penelope to his head and soreness area as well as a major gush from the–" [he thinks] "–his Goliath...upper...tube veiny thing."

Jonny: "Boy Eddy, you're a mess!"

Eddy: "Oh, is that you, Jonny? It was horrible! It came out of nowhere." [He coughs.] "Did I say it was horrible?"

Ed: "Horrible it was. A giant Swedish meatball with a blood-curdling scream grabbed Eddy in its drooling groundchuck." [He makes chewing noises.]

[Nat stares in confusion]

Edd: [unbelieving] "Please."

Rolf: "Rolf has seen this meatball. It stalks Wilfred in the dead of night!"

The Kids: [captivated] "Ooooh."

Sarah: [setting Jimmy on the lawn chair] "You stay put here, Jimmy. I'll get some kids to help me carry you to your room. And don't forget to drink, you need to keep your fluids up."

Jimmy: "You forgot the straw, Sarah!" [An acorn falls into his drink.] "An acorn." [Jimmy looks skyward.] "Hello, Mister Squirrel! You're cute!"

Nazz: "You're so brave, Eddy. Is there anything we can do for you?"

Eddy: "The fact that I'm surrounded by all my friends is all I need." [He suddenly sees Sarah.]

Sarah: "You're just a big faker! Jimmy is the one who's really hurt!"

Eddy: [in a dry voice] "Come closer, my child." [He grabs Sarah's shirt and pulls her to him. Hissing] "You tell Jimmy he's out of his league!"

Jimmy: "Sarah! Owie!" [In the backyard, Jimmy has been crushed by a tree.]

Nazz: "Not again!"

Sarah: "It's Jimmy! Jimmy's in trouble!" [Sarah leaves but because Eddy still has a hold on her, she pulls him out of the wheelbarrow onto the ground, much to Kevin's amusement. ]

Nazz: [leading the charge back] "C'mon, guys!"

[Kevin laughs.]

Eddy: "Hey, wait! Where ya goin'? Where's my attention?"

Jonny: [running after his friends] "Wait up, guys!"

Eddy: "I was attacked by a meatball!"

Nat: "Well we tried."

Edd: "Eddy, Jimmy's a natural at garnering attention."

Eddy: "He's a hack!" [pointing at the cast on his leg] "This is grade-A damage here! What's his secret?"

Edd: [pulling the cast off] "Well for one thing, Jimmy's lament of anguish is real, Eddy."

Eddy: "Is that all?" [He smirks.] "Let's do it then, Double D. Give me your best shot."

Edd: "What are you talking about?"

Eddy: [pointing to his cheek] "Right here, as hard as you can. Don't hold back."

Edd: "I'm not hitting you."

Eddy: "Fine Nat you do it."

Nat: "I'd rather not."

Eddy: "What are you? Chicken?"

Nat: "No I just prefer not to use violence to solve problems."

Edd: "Oh, peer pressure. Just reduce yourself to a Neanderthal, Eddy."

Eddy: "You're a big fat chicken!"

Edd: "Don't you touch me!"

Eddy: "Chicken!"

[Ed runs off.]

Edd: "Stop it!"

Eddy: "Chicken!"

Edd: "I'm not a chicken!" [A shadow envelops the fighting duo.]

Nat: "Um guys."

Ed: [carrying a one-story house] "Here, Eddy! Lots of hurt, hold the onions!"

Edd: "Okay fine, I'm a chicken!" [He runs away.]

Eddy: "Um, Ed?"

Nat: "Ed don't-"

[The house comes crashing down on Eddy. Nat tries to lift the house.]

Nat: "Eddy?! Eddy are you ok?!"

Edd: [running towards the house] "Eddy? Can you hear me, Eddy?!" [to Ed] "Ed! What in heaven's name were you thinking?"

Ed: [unworried] "Absolutely nothing, Double D."

Eddy: [from inside the house] "Okay. I'm hurt now."

[Ed peels back part of the wall. Various kitchen utensils fall out, and Eddy looks out.]

Eddy: "Nice work, Ed. This'll bring the kids running back!" [The kids fail to materialize.] "Any time now." [The kids still do not appear.]

Edd: "This isn't how you crave for attention, Eddy! This irrational competition in seeking everyone's recognition stops right here, right now!"

Eddy: "We need a bigger house, Ed."

Ed: "I'm on it, Eddy."

Nat: "No Ed!"

Edd: [grabbing Ed] "Okay, wait. Help us find an alternate solution, Ed?"

Ed: "I don't know what one looks like, Double D."

Nat: "Please Ed?"

Edd: "If you help us, Ed, I'll give you an entire surface of pudding skin!"

Ed: [smiling] "Pudding skin?" [He runs off with Edd and Nat.]

Eddy: [all alone now] "Ed? Nat? Double D?" [He pushes his way out of the house.] "Fine! Who needs ya? I can get my own sympathy." [He takes a frying pan off his head, and in his mind an idea begins to sizzle.] "Move over, Jimmy. Pathetic Eddy's coming to town."

Jimmy: [heavily bandaged] "It was such a cute squirrel, too."

Sarah: "I know, I know." [Sarah glues his hair back on.] "There! You look better already."

[Eddy rides by at high speed.]

Eddy: "Help! Help me!"

Sarah: [concerned] "Eddy's gonna crash!" [happy] "Let's go see, Jimmy."

Jimmy: "Wait for me, Sarah!" [He starts off at a very slow place. Suddenly, he notices a bush behind him. The bush rises up.]

Ed: [as the bush] "Meatball!"

Jimmy: [being engulfed] "Aah! Mother Nature's attacking again!"

Nat: "It's ok Jimmy."

Edd: "We're here to help, Jimmy, for yours and Eddy's sake. Safety is my prime concern." [He puts a rubber glove on Jimmy.]

Eddy: [riding the pan] "Runaway frying pan!" [he spots the kids] "Ah! My audience." [hamming] "I'm in trouble, folks!" [He runs into the side of a dumpster.]

Jonny: "Eddy?" [He grabs the frying pan.]

Eddy: "Help me?" [Jonny pours Eddy out.] "Oh the pain. I'm in need–" [he falls over] "–of attention."

Nazz: "Poor Eddy! Are you okay?"

Sarah: [unimpressed] "Is that it? You should see Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy! Bouncy bouncy bouncy!" [He is in an inflated rubber glove, which Ed is riding in the same manner that Eddy rode the bouncy bubble earlier.] "Whee!"

Nazz: "That's so cool!"

Sarah: [worried] "Hey! What'd you do to Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Look at me! Yay!"

Sarah: "I'll catch you, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "I'm okay, Sarah! Double D made me safe!" [Kevin kicks the balloon.]

Kevin: "Boot! Aw, this is awesome!"

Nazz: "My turn!" [Jonny and Rolf follow as Sarah watches.]

Sarah: "Hey, wait for me!"

Eddy: [annoyed] "Now where ya goin? Jimmy's not even hurt!"

Edd: "My point exactly, Eddy. No more attention-grabbing through personal injuries in my Play-Safe and Never Play-Sorry Bubble Suit!" [We look at the kids.] "That should put an end to your childish outdoing-Jimmy game."

Eddy: "Good luck! You've just changed the rules, Double D. The show must go on."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Drats!"

Eddy: [in a potbellied stove] "They'll come from miles around to see Eddy's Better Than Jimmy's Play-Safe Suit."

Ed: [putting a red bucket with an eyeslit on his head] "One brain bucket."

Eddy: "Take me to the kids, Ed."

Ed: "Your wish is my lunch."

[Ed removes his jacket and proceeds to spin Eddy in circles.]

Eddy: "Ed?" [When Ed lets go, the suit flies away.] "GO, BABY, GO!"

[The kids are playing volleyball with Jimmy as the ball.]

Sarah: "Here he comes!" [Her team bounces him to the other side of the net.]

Jimmy: "Whee! Here I come!"

Kevin: "Over to you, Rolf."

Jimmy: "Hi, Kevin. You're so nimble."

Rolf: "It is mine, peasants!" [He hits Jimmy high into the air.]

Kevin: "Smooth move, Rolf!"

[In midair, Eddy runs into Jimmy. Eddy's suit loses all its momentum, whereas Jimmy's absorbs it, barely pushed out of the way.]

Eddy: "Hit the road, Bubbleboy. What the–" [He begins to fall.]

Rolf: [looking up] "Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf."

Kevin: "What are you talking about, man?"

Rolf: "Rolf's eyes fool the brain of Rolf. Must I spell it? We have guests."

[Eddy crash-lands on Rolf and Kevin.]

Eddy: "It worked! I'm safe! I'm better than Jimmy!"

Jonny: "Didja see that, Plank? Great crash, Eddy!"

Nazz: "Need any help, dude?"

Jimmy: [floating down] "Greetings, earthlings! Oh, you too, Mr. Doggie. You're cute!"

[A low growl is heard, and then the dog tears the yard apart in an attempt to kill Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "I'm safe!" [more destruction is heard] "No problem!" [his suit tears, and air gushes out] "Not safe! Not safe! Help me!" [He flies haphazardly through the cul-de-sac.]

Sarah: "I'm coming, Jimmy!"

[Jonny joins the chase.]

Nazz: "Wait up, guys!"

[All that could go have gone after the endangered Jimmy.]

Eddy: [stuck at the bottom of a hole] "Hell–o? Where'd everybody go?" [Kevin pushes him off.]

Kevin: "Well whaddya know. Canned dork. Allow me to introduce you to my knuckles."

Eddy: [laughing] "Forget your glasses at home? I'm invincible! You'll hurt your hand!"

Rolf: "Conserve your strength, Kevin, as you will need it for the Edboy-thrashing. Rolf can see shoddy spot-welding from a distance of twenty goats."

Eddy: "Hey!" [Rolf taps on his suit.] "Quit wasting your time, Rolfy boy." [Rolf puts his tongue on a specific spot and hits it with his fist.]

Kevin: "You're a freak, dude."

Rolf: "Behold."

[Eddy's suit splits down the middle.]

Kevin: "Pick a body part, Rolf."

Rolf: "I am quite partial to feet, Kevin."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: [looking into the hole] "This is not good." [The thrashing begins.]

Eddy: "This is great! Go get the kids quick, Double D!"

Edd: "Do this, Double D, do that, Double D, oooh! bossy, bossy, bossy." [He exits.]

End of Season 2


	53. Wish You Were Ed

[Jimmy is driving a toy car, Sarah riding in the back.]

Sarah: "Keep your eyes on the road."

Jimmy: "Okay, Miss Sarah."

Sarah: "I'm hot. Turn on the air conditioning."

Jimmy: "Okay, Miss Sarah."

Sarah: "I said keep your eyes on the road."

Jimmy: "Okay, Miss Sarah." [The car hits a bump.]

Sarah: "Where'd you get your license, in a Chunky Puff box?!?"

Jimmy: [angered] "If you don't like it, lump it, Miss Sarah!" [He feels bad.] "Gee, I'm sorry. It's the darn road rage."

Sarah: "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Jimmy: "AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

[Jimmy turns the wheel, narrowly avoiding Jonny, who is riding his scooter backwards with Plank.]

Jonny: "Woo hoo! Demolition derby!"

Nazz: "Look out, Jonny!" [She, on skates, and Kevin on his bike narrowly avoid him.]

Kevin: "Whoa! Quit hoggin the road, quirky!"

Nazz: "Speaking of road hogs."

[Rolf is in a basket strapped to Wilfred's back.]

Rolf: "Feast your eyes on Rolf's hotshot wagon. Very spicy, yes?" [The kids laugh.]

Kevin: "I've got heartburn."

Sarah: "How stupid can you get?"

Rolf: "Easy come, easy go, hmm? As Rolf will make you eat his fried onions! A race, I say!"

Kevin: "A race? You're on."

[The kids line up by a mailbox.]

Jimmy: "Victory, thy name is Jimmy."

Kevin: [to Rolf] "Where to, dude?"

Rolf: "We race to the fermented cane outlet!"

Jimmy: "What?"

Kevin: "Huh?"

Nazz: "Where?"

Jonny: "What'd he say?"

Rolf: "Curse this modern expression. How do you say...the candy store?"

[The kids take off, leaving Rolf behind in a cloud of dust.]

Rolf: "Ah, their enthusiasm is brave, but enough buffoonery!" [He holds a picture of a sow in front of Wilfred's eyes.] "Come, Wilfred! Go with the speed of cabbage!"

[Wilfred takes off so fast that Rolf's basket comes loose. Rolf falls to the ground, landing next to a large drop mailbox. Ed is stuck in the mailbox, and Edd and Nat are trying to use crowbars to get Ed loose while Eddy is stretching Ed out.]

Ed, Nat and Edd: "Hello, Rolf."

Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys and Nat-girl." [He drops his head to the pavement.]

Edd: "If we had some grease, we could slide Ed out."

Eddy: "Where the heck are we gonna get–hey Rolf, can you spare a cup of fat?" [He lets go of Ed's legs, which hit Edd and Nat out of sight and drops the crowbars by Rolf.]

Rolf: "Rolf is heartbroken." [He sits up, depressed, but says nothing more for a while. Eddy looks around, confused.] "Rolf's keister grows cold."

Eddy: "Rolf's what?"

Rolf: "I grow tired of this-this cold cement, this-this twisted steel of industry, this confusing leisure delights! And your ill-at-ease customs! [Ed spits up an envelope.] Rolf sweats himself to understand your modern go-go world. But he yearns the simple life. The life once had in the Old Country. Oh." [His eyes brim with tears as he looks at a picture with a pig on his ear.]

Edd: "Are you alright, Rolf?"

Nat: "What's wrong?"

Rolf: "My heart! My heart! It's broken. Rolf longs for the old village."

[Rolf walks away, a thoroughly broken man.]

Eddy: "Geez, talk about killing a mood."

Edd: "Rolf's frustrated, Eddy. How difficult it must be to adapt to a new way of life. To put aside handed down beliefs, and be pulled between two cultures." [Ed walks up to them.]

Ed: "Rolf's homesick, Eddy."

Eddy: "Where'd you come from?"

Ed: "Blame my parents, Eddy."

Eddy: [getting an idea] "A transatlantic flight. I've got the plan all up here."

Ed: "And I'll fly the plane."

Edd: "Let me salvage what's left of this plot."

Nat: "I'll pick up the pieces."

Eddy: "Whatever. But if it works, it was my idea."

[Rolf is polishing his beets, depressed. Suddenly, he hears a squonking noise. He goes to investigate and sees a contraption milking his cow. The milk is flowing through a hose that leads over the fence.]

Eddy: "C'mon c'mon, move it Nat! Double D!"

Nat: "I'm trying Eddy."

Edd: "I'm shoveling as fast as I can, Eddy."

[Eddy is holding a hose. The milk is flowing into a giant bowl. Next to it is a fake box of Chunky Puffs. Edd and Nat are shoveling tennis balls painted to look like cereal into the bowl.]

Eddy: "We need more tennis balls to float in the milk. We need a full bowl of cereal." [He gets in the bowl.] "Hurry up, before Rolf shows up." [He turns around and sees Rolf.] "Oh, uh" [to Ed in an undertone] "Quick Ed, you know the drill." [Eddy splashes in the milk.] "Woo hoo! It's a wish come true, huh Ed?" [Ed spits a tennis ball at his his friend.]

Ed: "I wish, I wish I was a fish!"

Rolf: "Your kitchenware is larger than Papa's nasal wart. But how can this be?"

Ed: "You can't catch me." [He ducks underwater.]

Eddy: "We just wished for a giant bowl of Chunky Puffs, and Presto Chango! We're soaking in it!"

Edd: "Hard to believe, isn't it, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Wait!" [He leaps down from the fence.] "Tell Rolf more of this hocus-pocus, as Rolf has wishes too."

Eddy: "Behold!" [He grabs Ed's leg and displays Ed's shoe.] "The magical shoe!"

Rolf: "Rolf is humbled by the stench of destiny."

Eddy: "Believe in the stench, Rolf, as it grants your wish. No matter what it is!"

Rolf: "Ed-boy. Could the shoe take pity on Rolf and grant his wish to return to his homeland?"

Eddy: "Yes!"

Rolf: "May Rolf speak to the shoe?"

Eddy: "No."

Rolf: "No?"

Eddy: "Yes? No?"

Rolf: "Yes! Rolf knows what makes Ed-boy tick." [He pulls four quarters from his pocket.] "No?"

Eddy: "Yes!" [He snatches the coins. Rolf takes the shoe.]

Rolf: "Rolf's legs wooble with weakness!" [He looks at the shoe.] "Is there a manual for this?"

Eddy: "Just make your wish, and take a big whiff of the stench of destiny!"

Nat: "But Eddy."

Edd: "He doesn't have to smell the–"

Eddy: "Ssh!"

Rolf: "Oh, great shoe, grant Rolf his wish, and take Rolf to his home!"

[Rolf brings the shoe to his nostrils and waves the scent in. His face turns purple and he spins around in circles, eventually fainting and hitting the ground with a giant thud.]

[When Rolf awakes, the cul-de-sac is gone, replaced with a European village.]

Rolf: "Could it be?"

[Rolf rushes over to the well. Taking a ladle hung on the side, he dips it in and drinks. Midway through, he stops, having found a large grasshopper in the ladle.]

Rolf: "The water is fouled with infestation. My wish has been granted! THE SON OF A SHEPHERD HAS RETURNED!"

[It is merely at the construction zone. The Eds and Nat have added fake backdrops and some props to make it seem like an Old World village. Rolf then proceeds to jump into a large dirt pile face down.]

Edd: [looking on with the other two Eds and Nat] "I knew this encyclopedia of Old World culture would come in handy."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "Good, 'cause I got money to spend." [He runs out.]

Ed: "Jawbreakers!" [He runs the other way.]

Edd: "WAIT!" [He pulls his friends back.] "You can't leave!"

Ed: "Where was I going?"

Edd: "C'mon, guys. We have to see this through. Rolf has a wish."

Nat: "Double D's right."

Rolf: "Hello!" [He rings a bell.] "Fishmonger? Come quickly, Rolf wishes to purchase this fine fresh eel."

[Rolf is referring to a sock.]

Eddy: "Did Rolf say purchase?"

[Eddy gets behind the stand, dressed in ancient clothes.] "Eyeballing me eels, are ya villager?"

Rolf: "I bow to thee, monger."

Eddy: "Yeah, sure."

Rolf: "Yahork!" [He pulls out a pole, jams it on the ground, and begins to shimmy up it.] "Are you ready, monger?"

Eddy: [to Edd] "What the heck's he doing?"

Edd: "It's a bartering pole, Eddy. The barterers shall balance themselves on the pole, using only their abdominal area. Riveting. In order to conduct any market negotiations."

Eddy: "That's stupid."

Rolf: "Make haste, monger!"

[Eddy brings out Edd. Edd is dressed as a woman.]

Eddy: "Meet the wife. She handles the market stuff."

Rolf: "Aah." [He pulls Edd's tongue out and kisses it.] "The pleasure is mine." [Nat makes a disgusted face. Eddy giggles.] "Enough formalities! What is the worth of these two eels?"

Edd: "Well, uh, let's see now, um, how about, three oranges?"

Rolf: "I will give you...two chickens."

Eddy: "Chickens?"

Ed: "Take the chickens!" [Ed is in his normal clothes, but with a white mustache and an odd hat.]

Edd: "Sounds fair. Thank you."

Rolf: "What? Do you not want four chickens?"

Edd: "I'll be happy to take four. Four chickens it is."

Rolf: "I said two."

Edd: "Three chickens and a rubber band?"

Rolf: "TWO CHICKENS!"

Edd: "My abdomen is killing me. Two chickens, then."

Eddy: "Hang on there, villager. This monger only takes cash." [Rolf hands over the chickens.]

Ed: "I'll take those. Chickens!"

Rolf: "Thank you, fishmonger and wife. Rolf is beside himself, for Rolf is home again!"

Ed: [carrying the fowl on plank of wood] "Mush. Mush. Mush. Mush."

[Rolf is digging a hole.]

Eddy: "That's a mighty fine hole ya dug there."

Rolf: "Do you like it?"

Eddy: "This village requires a hole-digging permit. So unless you buy one, I'm gonna have to hit you with one of these rocks."

Rolf: "Ssh!" [nonsensical] "Cashese splash ishortin horton schivisin ishelogen pathen seten horton."

Eddy: "What?"

Ed: "Mush, mush, mush, mush, mush, mush–" [He falls into the hole and the chickens somehow fly off.] "Ouch!"

Rolf: "Your village idiot has fallen in Rolf's hole. A celebration I say!"

Eddy: "Uh, sure, why not?" [Rolf hauls Ed out of the hole.]

Rolf: "You there!" [He is pointing at Edd.] "Eel-woman! Raise the jug! Play me the song of Rolf's village!"

Edd: [shuffling through the book] "Folk songs, folk songs–That's My Horse?"

[Edd begins to blow, and Rolf starts dancing.]

Ed: "I can't dance, Rolf."

Rolf: "That's my horse!" [He hits Ed.] "Give it up for Rolf!"

Ed: "That's my horse?" [He slaps Rolf's hands.]

Rolf: "Yes, that's my horse!" [He slaps Ed's cheek.]

Ed: "That's my horse!" [He hits Rolf, and they laugh.]

Rolf: "That's my horse!" [He breaks a barrel over Ed's head.]

Nat: "I like this song."

Ed: "My horse! My horse!" [He slams a wheelbarrow down on Rolf's head.]

Rolf: "Uh-uh-uh."

Edd: "What a delightful barbaric dance."

Nat: "I agree."

Jonny: "You ain't whistling dixie, brother."

Edd, Nat and Eddy: [horrified] "Jonny?"

Edd: "He can't be here. This is supposed to be an Old World village!"

Nat: "What do we do?"

Eddy: [pushing Jonny out] "You don't belong here, Jonny."

Jonny: "Why not?"

Eddy: "Cuz...uh...you need a passport."

Jonny: "You're not the boss of us, Eddy!" [He pretends to leave.]

Eddy: "Fathead."

[Jonny peeks around one of the backdrops. He then runs straight by Eddy.]

Jonny: "Yee-haw!"

Eddy: "Double D! Nat! He's making a run for it!"

Nat: "Jonny wait!"

Edd: "Jonny, please! Stop! Rolf mustn't see you!"

[Ed flies into the port-a-potty.]

Rolf: "That's my horse!" [Jonny runs into Rolf. Before Rolf can fully process what he saw, Eddy kicks Jonny away.]

Eddy: "Bald badgers. Real problem in this village."

[Jonny slams into a backdrop.]

Rolf: "Badgers make a fine stew."

Eddy: [turning him away from Jonny] "Sure they do. You get the onions, and I'll get the badger."

[The backdrop falls onto Eddy. Jonny gets up.]

Jonny: "Golly! Let's get outta here, Plank!"

[Jonny makes a break for it and runs into another piece of scenery, toppling it. Rolf looks around.]

Rolf: "This is no village."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Oh dear."

Rolf: "You have made a Merry Andrew of Rolf! For this you must–"

Edd: "Rolf, wait. Let me explain. Um, you know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat!" [He realizes what idiom he used.] "Oh, wrong analogy!" [Rolf advances on him.] "We were just trying to share your cultural heritage!"

Nat: "But we would like to share some more if you'll show us."

Rolf: "Oh, is this so? Let Rolf teach you then." [He grabs the jug and plays the opening notes of "That's My Horse."]

Eddy: "C'mon, Double D! Rolf wants to celebrate!" [pointing to Ed] "Check out Barishna Cough Drop here."

Ed: "That's my horse!" [He throws Eddy against a backdrop.]

Edd: "It's your horse, it's your horse!"

Ed: "Uh-uh-uh. Like this, Double D!" [He makes Edd hit him.]

Edd: [clutching his swollen hand] "Okay Ed, it's my horse!"

Ed: "No, wait, it's my horse!" [He advances towards his friends.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "No, Ed, stop!"

Rolf: "Come on, everybody!" [He joyfully plays the last notes.]

Nat: "Sorry I asked."


	54. Momma's Little Ed

[Eddy is shooting pool using eggs. The one he's aiming for is a striped ball painted orange.]

Eddy: "Keep your eye on the egg, Ed. Five ball in the corner pocket."

[Eddy shoots it off a chair into a tree, which plops it into Ed's mouth. Ed spits the egg against the wall just as Edd and Nat walk in.]

Nat: "Hey guys."

Edd: "What's going on in here?"

Eddy: "Nothing. What?" [Ed stands up, eggs replacing his eyes.]

Ed: "Bingo!"

Eddy: "Bingo. Good one."

Edd: "Can you two try to behave? I'm almost done."

Eddy: "That's what he said two hours ago. There are people waiting for us to take their money and we're stuck."

[A noise comes from the kitchen. Eddy and Ed enter to see Edd working a sewing machine. Nat is watching him. While Edd examines his work, Eddy appears next to him.]

Edd: [seeing Eddy next to him] "GAAAH! Please don't do that."

Eddy: "Gee whiz, Double D. I never realized you were into such girl stuff."

Nat: "What?"

Edd: "Household tasks are not just for girls, Eddy. And if you must know, I was asked to mend the curtains by Mother. Every child should start their day by completing the tasks set upon them by their parents."

Nat: "It's true every day my parents leave me a list of tasks I have to do before I leave the house."

Ed: [wrapped in the curtains] "I must eat your brain!"

[Eddy steps on the pedal and Ed is sewn up like a pair of pants.]

Ed: "I am all dressed up and ready to go, guys!"

Eddy: "Fashion victim. Let's go, Double D."

Edd: "In a minute. A quick survey to see if I missed any parental sticky notes!"

Eddy: [after watching Edd and Nat check for several seconds] "Are you bored? 'Cause I'm ready to bust a–" [He sees a note on the phone.] "Oh, great. What's this one say? 'Dear Eddward, stop breathing because the sink is clogged.'?"

[An idea suddenly hits him, and he literally sees Edd as the perfect sucker for one of his pranks.]

Eddy: "If chores is what Double D wants, it's chores Double D gets. Nothing like a little forgery to spark up the day." [He begins to write a new note and once he's finished, he holds them up.] "See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy." [It is easy to see the difference.] "Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference!"

Ed: "That is so lame, Eddy." [He writes his own note.]

Eddy: "And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?"

Ed: "Dare to compare." [Eddy compares the original with Ed's forgery.]

Eddy: "Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?"

Ed: "Yes, I will."

[Edd is checking a list of sticky notes.]

Edd: "And last but not least, towels triangulated. Inspected and complete. Well, well, well."

Nat: "All done?"

Edd: "Yes."

[Edd and Nat enter the kitchen, where their friends are waiting nonchalantly.]

Edd: "Ready when you are."

Eddy: "Hey, Double D, you're slipping, 'cause you missed one." [He points to a note by a broom.]

Edd: "Hmm. Dear Eddward, insert broom lint into your belly button. Love, Mom?"

Nat: "Huh?"

[Behind him, Eddy giggles.]

Edd: "Oh my. I hope it's clean." [He picks the broom up.] "Well, um, Mother knows best. Yes indeedy."

[Edd queasily plucks a piece of the lint from the broom and inserts it into his belly button.]

[Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Eddy: [to Ed] "Are you seeing what I'm seeing? He did it!"

Ed: "What a tree bark."

Eddy: "Sap, Ed. Sap." [They laugh.]

Edd: [linted] "Now that the lint is safely tucked away, shall we go, chums?"

Ed: "But, Double D, a note I see there." [A note is stuck to a suit.]

Edd: "Father's suit! How could I have missed this one?"

Eddy: "Yeah, what's with you? Trying to chintz out on your chores?"

Edd: "Dear Eddward..." [He trails off.] "Oh my."

Nat: "What?"

[Rolf is sharpening Victor's horns.]

Rolf: "There you go, Victor. Rolf's eyes sting with your beauty. Ah, Rolf is good." [He hears a pig squealing.] "Wilfred? Have you eaten Rolf's hose again?"

[Edd has dressed Wilfred in the suit.]

Edd: "Well, Wilfred, as strange as this may seem, you do look marvelous." [Wilfred licks him.] "Guah."

Nat: "I agree."

Ed: [picking up the pig] "Spiffy!"

Eddy: "This is too rich!"

Edd: "Rich? What's rich?"

Eddy: "Wilfred's rich. Um, he looks like a million bucks! Yeah!"

Rolf: "Hello, Ed-boys and Nat-girl." [Ed lowers the pig to reveal an unsmiling Rolf.] "Why must you spoil Wilfred with this lavish monkey suit? This will only lead him to search for a life as an airline steward."

Ed: "Monkey suit?"

Rolf: "Speak to Rolf."

Eddy: "Yeah, Double D. Speak to Rolf." [He shoves Edd into Rolf.]

Edd: "Oh, there you are! Call it crazy, but it was a chore, if you will. A handwritten request by Father. We communicate through sticky notes."

Rolf: "Rolf respects your vow to uphold the Sticky Note of Elders, yet–" [He puts on a giant hammer hat.] "You must be punished."

Edd: [cowed] "What is that, Rolf?"

Rolf: "The hat of discipline. Do you live in a cave?" [He brings it down on Edd.] "All is forgiven."

Edd: "Thank you, Rolf."

[Nat helps Edd up.]

Eddy: "Oh, look! We found another note!" [He holds a measuring cup out to Edd.]

Edd: "This is absurd, Eddy! What's come over Mother and Father?" [Eddy is pushing Edd forward.]

Eddy: "You read the note, Double D, don't be a chicken."

Ed: "I'm a monkey!" [He's wearing the suit.]

Eddy: "You have to do what the note says, Double D."

Nat: "Oh no."

[The Kankers are skipping rope with a broken chain.]

Lee: "Jump higher, May!"

Marie: "She's too fat."

May: "How about a fat lip?"

Edd: "Hello?" [The Kankers stop playing.] "Oh, I-I was going to–"

Marie: "Ask me for a date?"

May: "Sweep me off my feet?"

Lee: "Stand in line, girls!"

Edd: "Oh yes." [He giggles nervously.] "C-could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?" [Another nervous giggle.]

Marie: "He wants to share condiments."

May: "We're so alike!"

Marie: "Back off, bowser!"

Lee: "Marie! Grab him before he runs away!"

Eddy: [watching from behind a junked car] "This is better than cable."

Edd: "Ladies, please!"

May: "We're ladies!"

Lee: "He said please."

Marie: "Let's kiss him!"

Edd: "Kiss? No not that!"

[Nat rushes to Edd's side.]

Nat: "Sorry to disturb you! [She grabs Edd's hand and runs away with him.]

Eddy: "And I thought today was gonna be a write-off. Get it? Write off?" [The cup flies overhead.] "I can't stand it!" [He collapses with the hilarity.]

Ed: [seeing Nat running with Edd] "Oh no! They tore off Double D's head!"

Eddy: "Hurry up, Ed. Write another note."

Lee: [appearing] "Well, if it ain't Tweedledee and Tweedledum."

Marie: "You take the short, yappy one, Lee."

May: "Beat it, Marie! You had your guy!" [She throws Marie against a trailer.] "I'll take the big goofy one, Lee."

Eddy: "Run, Ed!" [Ed holds out the measuring cup.]

Ed: "Don't let me have to use this!"

Lee: "What are you gonna do, bake us a cake?" [Ed shoves the cup over the Kankers' heads.]

Ed: "Wait for me, Eddy!"

[Eddy is in his room laughing.]

Eddy: "Double D, you shoulda seen the look on your face!" [He falls to the ground in a fit of laughs.] "It was so ripe!"

Edd: "This is so out of control, Eddy! Mother and Father's requests have become unsound! It's as though they were written by someone other than my parents!"

Eddy: "Nope. Couldn't be. It was them, alright. Who knows what the next sticky note'll say."

Edd: [gasping] "Oh my, you're right, Eddy. Ssh! Do you hear it? Distress is knocking on my door! Listen. Could it be? IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE!!! I can't go home, Eddy. There's only one solution. I'll just move in with one of you."

Nat: "It can't be me my parents won't let me keep a boy in the house."

Edd: [blushing] "R-Right of course."

Ed: "Move in with me! Move in with me!"

Eddy: "Yeah, Lumpy could use some company."

Ed: "We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom."

[Edd looks disgusted.]

Edd: "Thank you Ed, that's um...nice. But I'll stay with Eddy. His room has the same proportions as mine, and with a little renovating–"

Ed: "Ooh ooh! I know!" [He runs off to get something.]

Eddy: "Hey, wait a minute! Don't I have a say in this?"

Edd: "Please submit any suggestions anonymously and I'll see if they fit in the plans. You'll just love it!"

Ed: "Boink, boink." [He has smashed a piece of furniture.] "Here is a bookshelf, and a new ant farm." [He slams a hammer down on Eddy's phonograph.]

Eddy: "My turntable!!!"

Edd: "I'm sure my ants will be very happy there, Ed." [to Eddy] "Bless his soul." [normally] "Let me help, Ed!"

Eddy: "Double D, wait! It was all a big joke! Me and Ed–well, mostly Ed, I just watched–wrote those silly sticky notes! Funny, huh?"

Edd: "Reality check. I think I can recognize my own parents' handwriting, Eddy. Puh-leeze!"

[Ed is sawing through nothing.]

Ed: "Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. I cut the air in two! This side's yours, Double D." [Edd gets all of Eddy's possessions except the bed.]

Edd: [starting a vacuum cleaner] "We can share the air, Ed."

Eddy: "It's my air! I ain't sharing! Ed, stop sawing the air!" [A rug is sucked into the vacuum.] "My rug!"

Edd: "Shag rugs are a magnet for discarded nail trimmings!"

[Edd points the vacuum cleaner at the bed, and several magazines fly out from under it, sucked away.]

Eddy: "My magazines!"

Edd: "I have plenty of educational reading material we can share! Not to worry!"

Eddy: [erupting] "THAT'S IT! Put back my magazines, my shag rug, and my air!"

[Eddy's disco ball clatters to the ground and rolls over to him, broken in many places.]

Eddy: "MY MIRROR BALL!"

Ed: [hanging from where the disco ball was] "Oops. It wasn't me. Sorry."

Eddy: [through clenched teeth, to Edd] "Get out of my room! You're a pest!"

Edd: "Fine. No need to repeat yourself. No sir, I'm a good listener. I'll just sleep under a bench somewhere, seeing as I can't return to my home or rely on my friends." [He leaves Eddy's room sorrowfully.]

Eddy: "Out with ya! It's gonna take me forever to fix all this air." [Ed and Nat start sniveling.] "What's with you two?"

[Ed and Nat seem ready to burst into tears.]

Eddy: "What?" [Ed and Nat's eyes fill with tears.] "Stop looking at me like that." [Eddy's eyes begin to water.] "Don't–don't make me have to kick you out." [They begins to cry.] "Now look what you did. Double D!" [He tearfully chases after the lost, lonely Ed-boy.]

[Edd hasn't left Eddy's yard, instead searching for a place to rest his head among the wonders of nature.]

Edd: "A rock provides shelter to many arthropods."

Eddy: "Double D!" [He rushes out of his house.] "Don't touch that rock!"

Edd: "It is yours, I suppose. I'll go elsewhere."

Eddy: "No, wait!" [Eddy grabs his friend.] "You got it all wrong, pal, it was all Ed's fault, and Kevin, as usual."

Edd: "Kevin?"

Eddy: "Yeah, that square-headed jerk."

Edd: "But Kevin wasn't in this show, Eddy."

Eddy: "There you go! So, my room's your room."

[Edd grins.]

Edd: [hugging Eddy] "Thank you, Eddy! Thank you! You won't even know I was there!"

Eddy: [uncomfortable] "Uh, our faces are touching, Double D."

[Edd is in Eddy's bed. Eddy comes in in his nightclothes, carrying a book and a steaming glass of milk. Eddy sits down on a stool by his bed.]

Eddy: "Nice and comfy there, Double D?"

Edd: "Tuck me, Eddy?" [Eddy tucks Edd in.] "Thank you, Eddy."

[Eddy dips a spoon into the glass of warm milk. He blows the steam from it and feeds it to Edd.]

Eddy: "Here's your warm milk."

[Edd finishes his milk, and Eddy picks up the book.]

Edd: "Biology for the Astute? Good choice, Eddy."

Eddy: [reading] "And so from a still pond a young mosquito, also known as a lar..." [He stops, not knowing how to pronounce the word. He shows Edd the book.] "What's this word?"

Edd: "Larva, Eddy."

Eddy: "Oh yeah. Where was I?"

Edd: "You know, Eddy, Mother and Father before bed would usually massage my feet." [He sticks out his leg and holds some skin cream out to Eddy.] "It relaxes me so."

Eddy: [grossed out] "ED!!! NAT!!!"


	55. Once Upon an Ed

[Jonny uses a rope and pulley system to carry him and Plank up to his room.]

Jonny: "Race you to bed!"

[Jonny and Plank dive into the bed and worm their way to the top.]

Jonny: "Stop tickling me, Plank!" [Plank wins the race.] "You beat me again, you jackrabbit, you!"

Plank:

Jonny: "You want a bedtime story? Okay! Let's read this one! Conrad the Lonely Stump."

Plank:

Jonny: "Dickie Packford had a farm and on the farm was a lonely stump."

[Creaking noises suddenly come from the walls all around them. Jonny knocks on a section and it knocks back.]

Jonny: "Did you hear that, Plank? We got wall weasels!"

[A section of the wall crumbles, revealing something yellow which turns out Ed.]

Ed: "Who's there?" [More gives way to reveal Edd.]

Edd: "Oh boy, my leg's caught!" [More wall breaks revealing Nat.]

Nat: "It's kinda cramped in here." [More wall breaks revealing Eddy.]

Eddy: "Break it up! Get out of the way, make room!"

Nat: "That's a little difficult Eddy."

Edd: "I think I'm sitting on a nail."

Ed: "My turn!"

Jonny: "Hey...how'd you get inside my wall?"

Plank:

Jonny: "What's that?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Plank says take a hike or we'll call the cops!"

Eddy: "Hey Plank, ever take a tour of a toothpick factory?"

Edd: "Eddy, manners! Assess the situation. Jonny deserves an explanation. Now, if someone could just redirect their foot, I'd be happy to tell Jonny the story."

Jonny: "We're getting a new bedtime story, Plank! Woohoo!"

Edd: "Well, let's see now. The story begins–"

Eddy: "Oh come on! Ed's drooling on my head!"

Edd: "There's an art to storytelling, Eddy. One must use a pallet of words, to paint images, blend sentences, and project them in an interesting way."

Nat: "That sounds-"

Ed: "Boring!"

Jonny: "Yeah, boring!"

Eddy: "See? Jonny's got your number, Double D. Let me tell you the story, Jonny boy!"

[Eddy focuses on a picture of a flower hanging over Jonny's bed. The flower becomes real and the story begins.]

[A white shoe lands on the flower. It's Eddy, dressed sharply in a white suit and white top hat.]

Eddy: "I was strolling down the sidewalk, same old, nothing special, when Kevin rides up and says:"

Dream Kevin: "Excuse me, Mr. Eddy, nice day for a walk, isn't it sir?" [Kevin is very monkeylike, with large ears, an apelike nose, and fur sprouting all over his body.]

Eddy: "And I say: Hey Kev, is that a flat tire you got there? He looks down, and bam!"

[In the dream, Kevin rides into a tree.]

Eddy: "What a sap!"

Dream Kevin: "Good one, Mr. Eddy! Ha-HI'm such a dork!" [laughs]

[Eddy comes to the gates of a palatial estate. These are guarded by two statues of golden roaring Eddys. The doors swing open, reveal a bunch of golden statues depicting how rich Eddy is.]

Eddy: "With that, I figured I'd take a shortcut through my lavish estate and pop in on my modest jawbreaker back. Just to rush the help."

[In the bank, Rolf hands over a jawbreaker, In the dream Nat is wearing a swimsuit. She takes the jawbreaker and Edd gives him a deposit sheet.]

Dream Nat: "Thank you for your deposit."

Dream Edd: "Please sign on the dotted line, Rolf. Thank you."

[Rolf stands up. In this dream, he is incredibly thin, and his head is about as wide as the rest of his body and shaped like a pin.]

Dream Rolf: "Take care of my jawbreaker, as I am a simpleton, yes?"

Dream Nat: "Of course!"

Dream Edd: "You're welcome!"

[Ed, the stamper, slams his head down on the paper, stamping it with the bank's seal: Eddy's face with "Okay By Me" written around it.]

Dream Ed: "I am a lump." [Eddy throws open the doors to the bank.]

Eddy: "Greetings, citizens!"

[The kids smile and wave. Jimmy is wearing a more complex retainer and a diaper, Nazz is in a swimsuit, and Sarah is dressed normally, only with a big smile.]

Dream Jimmy: [enchanted] "He's so self-absorbed."

Eddy: "My public." [He strides forward proudly.]

Dream Jimmy: [running up with Sarah] "Mr. Eddy, Mr. Eddy! Is that a new suit?"

Dream Sarah: "Can I touch it, huh, can I?" [Eddy swats them away.]

Dream Nat: "Hello Mr. Eddy! " [Eddy winks at her.]

Dream Edd: [deferential] "Good day, Mr. Eddy! It's me, Double D! How are you today, sir?"

Eddy: "Get to work, slacker."

Dream Edd: "Yes indeedy. No shirking in this department, not here."

Eddy: [through the intercom] "I'm about to speak. Since I'm executive president and owner of the International Bank of Jawbreakers, Inc., drop your jawbreakers and get lost! The bank's closed! But hey, don't forget to come back tomorrow, 'cause I love ya."

[Eddy winks. Ed, Nat and Edd struggle to close the doors but manage it, although several arms wiggle through the crack.]

[A giant golden bank vault is seen.]

Eddy: "Once I got rid of the commoners, it was time to check on the stash."

[Edd works the tumblers on a lock until it opens. Ed puts his head into a giant keyhole and turns. The door creaks open to reveal a giant stash of jawbreakers from all over the world. Eddy laughs like a maniac.]

Dream Edd: "Mr. Eddy, shall I begin the inventory?"

Eddy: "Get on with it. Slouch. Ed, top floor, pronto."

Dream Ed: "Watch your step, Mr. Eddy." [His neck extends, elevating Eddy.]

Eddy: "C'mon, c'mon. That's the one, Ed. Japan flavor. Come to papa." [He eagerly plucks a jawbreaker from the Japan section. Ed is seen licking the stash of jawbreakers from China.] "Ed! Don't touch! You're an employee!" [He swats the tongue away.]

Dream Edd: "Agony, agony! As many times as I've gone over these numbers, they don't add up!"

Eddy: "You've obviously made a mistake in the correlation between the gross revenues and the sum of the square root, minus a piece of pie."

Dream Nat: "Your so incredible Mr. Eddy!" [She embraces Eddy.]

Dream Edd: "What was I thinking? You're a genius, Mr. Eddy!" [He kneels to kiss Eddy's shoe.]

[We fade back to the real world.]

Edd: "The square root of a piece of pie?"

Eddy: "What?"

Edd: "Pure fiction, Eddy! Your exaggerated tale could only be described as cockamamie!"

Ed: "Tsk tsk tsk. I have never heard such language."

Nat: "Why was I in a swimsuit?"

Jonny: "Don't stop now! What happened next? What happened next?"

Edd: "Control yourself, Jonny! Continuing from where Eddy left off, this discomfort began with Jimmy's arrival to my correctly designed Jawbreaker Bank."

[We enter Edd's dream world. Everything is measured, even the sky, and the fences are white. In fact, everything here, even the dirt, looks cleaner and nicer. Edd and Nat are polishing the counter at a Bank of Jawbreakers.]

Nat: "Look it's Jimmy!"

Edd: "Oh, happy day! A customer!"

Dream Eddy: "Get the pigeon! Get him! Grab the jawbreaker! Take it! It's mine!"

Edd: "How mortifying. Good day, Jimmy! Don't we look special. Care to show me your unbridled smile?" [Jimmy smiles a perfect smile.] "Impeccable."

[Jimmy is his normal self except he has no retainer at all.]

Dream Jimmy: "I'd like to make a deposit."

Nat: "Of course!"

Edd: "At Edd and Nat's Jawbreaker Bank, we pride our–"

Dream Eddy: [slobbering] "Gimme the jawbreaker! Jimmy's a sucker! Take it from him, it's mine!"

Edd: "It's rude to interrupt, Eddy!" [to Jimmy] "Where was I? We pride ourselves on customer satisfaction and–" [Ed is drooling on the jawbreaker.] "Ed." [Edd pulls Ed back and wipes his mouth.] "My apologies, Jimmy, but Ed can't help himself sometimes. Lovable oaf."

Dream Eddy: [salivating] "Lemme have it! So that I can put it in our jawbreaker vault?"

Edd: "I see signs of progress, Eddy."

[Edd's eyes bulge. Eddy has grabbed the jawbreaker and stuffed it in his mouth along with Jimmy's hands.]

Dream Jimmy: "My hands! My jawbreaker! Eddy germs!" [Jimmy pulls the candy loose and runs away.] "Help! They're after me! I'm so delicate!" [Ed and Eddy give chase.]

Edd: "WHAT'RE YA DOING?!?!?"

Nat: "GET BACK HERE THIS MINUTE!!!"

[Ed and Eddy stop and come back to Edd and Nat, cowering pitifully.]

Edd: "I hope you're proud of yourselves. You've driven away another customer! It's baffling, I tell you! Your deep rooted lack of self-control only fosters failure in every endeavor we undertake! I mean, it's always one step forward and two steps back! Why? Don't you see the example I try to set for you?"

Nat: "Yeah guys why can't you be more like Double D? He's smart, kind, and absolutely adorable!"

Edd: "Why thank you Nat and may I say you are absolutely radiant yourself."

Nat: "Oh Eddward you always say the right things."

[The background changes to just Edd and Nat holding hands and being surrounded by a field of flowers.]

Edd: "Natalie will you be my girlfriend?"

Nat: "Yes of course I will!"

[Edd and Nat close their eyes and lean in for a kiss.]

Nat: "Double D?

[We cut back to the real world. Edd has a goofy, lovestruck grin on his face.]

Nat: "Double D?" [She slightly shakes Edd]

Edd: "Huh? Wha?" [He sees Nat, Ed and Eddy, looking at him confused.]

Nat: "What we're we doing?"

Edd: [blushing] "U-Uh n-nothing! Absolutely nothing!"

Jonny: "Boy, this story stinks. Plank and I want a real story, with stuff like octopus' gardens, silver hammers, and Mr. Kite!"

Eddy: "Open a window Jonny, and get some air."

Ed: "And so it went! Little did Ed, Edd, Eddy and Nat know that–"

[Ed's dream begins. Everything but the characters is in black and white, outside the Kankers' trailer.]

Ed: "–deep within the intestines of the trailer park, the Kanker Sisters were planning to foil the brave Eds and beautiful Nat's attempts with over-radiated mashed potatoes. Slowly, one by one, they would devour the tainted spuds!"

[The Kankers do this and begin to mutate and their trailer begins to break. Before we can see their new form, it fades to the Eds and Nat.]

Dream Edd: "Blah, blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah! Yap yap, blah blah, drivel drivel drivel!"

[The earth shakes.]

Dream Eddy: "Hey, what's going on?"

Dream Nat: "I don't know!"

Dream Edd: "Yap Yap yap?"

Dream Rolf: [shaking Edd] "Soaked in milk Ed-boy. Gather your inadequate friends and flee! Flee in the name of blanched rhubarb!"

Dream Kevin: [riding by] "I'm dorking, man!"

[Nazz points at the sky and giggles nervously. Jimmy and Sarah run past.]

Dream Jimmy: "Oh, my legs." [He falls down.] "I can't go on, Sarah. Farewell, cruel world!" [Sarah tries to pull him.]

Dream Sarah: "Come on, Jimmy, you can do it!" [A giant foot lands near them, crushing Jimmy and sending Sarah flying.]

Ed: "BABY SISTER!"

[Lee Kanker laughs maniacally. She stands about fifty feet tall as she stares down at the Eds.]

Eddy: "Your time has come, Kanker!" [He scrambles to avoid being crushed.]

[Marie chases them. The Eds and Nat head for houses, but each time Marie uses a magical chicken fused to her armpit to turn the houses into hygiene products. For example, the first house the Eds and Nat got to was turned into...]

Ed: "Evil soap!" [They head for another house, only for it to be changed into...] "Deodorant!" [Marie laughs and fires away.]

Edd: "Blah blah blah!"

Nat: "Quick! In here!" [She tries to enter a house, but runs into a huge eyeball.]

Ed: "KANKER!!!" [The house rises to reveal May, the Eds and Nat scream and run for their lives as May laughs.]

Edd: "YAP YAP!!!"

[Lee blows a kiss at the Eds. Nat blocks it. Three more land all around the Eds and Nat.]

Edd: [hugs Ed and Nat as Eddy uses a garbage lid as a shield] "Yap yap yap!"

Eddy: "Kankers!"

[The Kankers mash their heads together, creating a three-eyed, one-headed, three-bodied monster.]

Eddy: "Ed, your story's getting weird."

[The sisters blow a giant kiss. Nat stands in front of it and ends up getting knocked with the Eds backwards in a heap. When they look up, the Kankers have separated and have surrounded them.]

Eddy: "I'm a minor, stop!"

Edd: "Blah blah blah!"

Nat: [holding Ed] "Save us Ed!"

Ed: [standing up] "Now it's my turn!"

[Through some unexplained means, Ed starts flying like a fly. The Kankers chase, brandishing a flyswatter.]

Eddy: "Kankers!"

Edd: "Yap!"

[The Kankers swat at Ed, but keep missing. A lucky blow eventually catches Ed's rear.

Ed: "Ow!" [He spirals down to earth buzzing, and the Eds and Nat plow up plenty of dirt when they land. They end up less than a yard away from a mousehole in the side of a house, most likely Jonny's.]

Eddy: [dazed] "Kankers?" [spotting them] "Kankers!"

Ed: [notices the mousehole] "We have found shelter!" [He pushes his friends into the hole. They scream as the Kankers get closer.] "All right!" [Ed wiggles in with his friends. Then Lee's hand grabs the side of the screen, turning it like a page and ending the dream.]

Ed: ".....And stuck in your wall we are. The end."

Nat: "Wow."

Edd: "Gracious, Ed, what an enchanted world you live in."

Eddy: "I got a cramp listening to you. Okay, Jonny, there's your story. Now how's about prying us out of your wall?"

[Jonny is fast asleep.]

Ed: "Ssh! He is sleeping."

Eddy: "Way to go, Hemingway! It was your part that put him to sleep."

[The house moans.]

Edd: "What was that? Did you hear it?" [The house creaks again.] "I don't have a good feeling about this."

Ed: "I don't have any feeling at all."

[Part of the wall opposite the Eds and Nat crumble away, and a strange saw pokes out. The saw moves in a circle, and a hole appears. The Kankers peer out.]

The Kankers: "Hiya boys!"

Lee: "What's good-lookin' guys like you doin' in a place like this?"

Edd and Eddy: "IT'S A NEVER-ENDING STORY!!!"

Eddy: "Jonny, wake up! Get a crowbar, quick!"

[Jonny rolls over. Eddy looks across the way to see the Kankers' hole is empty.]

Eddy: "Where'd they go?"

Edd: "I don't know! I was looking at Jonny!"

Ed: "My underwear's riding high, guys!"

[Three cracks appear in the Eds and Nat's wall, heading for the hole.]

Nat: "Oh heck no!"

[Nat squeezes herself out of the hole. She grabs the Eds and pulls them out. She jumps out the window with them. a crash is heard.]

The Eds and Nat: "Ow."


	56. For Your Ed Only

[Eddy is chewing gum, grinding and gnashing fearfully at it.]

Ed: "I'm in my happy place, Double D!" [Ed rips the gum from Eddy's mouth with his own teeth and begins chewing with ease.]

Edd: "Well, it seems my formula for inordinate bubble gum exceeded all expectations." [Ed blows a bubble.] "Ed, are you blowing a bubble? Heavens, I don't have data for this!" [Eddy laughs.] "Inhale, Ed! Reverse your breathing!"

Nat: "Oh no."

[Ed starts to float away.]

Eddy: "Hey! Where're you going with my gum?"

Jonny: "Is that a hot air balloon?"

Eddy: [pulling Ed down] "What's it to ya?" [coming up with a scam] "Why of course it is, Jonny my boy." [Eddy puts Jonny in Ed's jacket pocket.] "One seat left for the trip of a lifetime."

Jonny: [happy] "You're so full of it, Eddy."

Eddy: "We at Ed's Hot Air Tours will only charge you 25¢." [Ed starts to float away. Eddy doesn't notice until he doesn't get his money.] "Hey! Cough up, you freeloader!" [Ed grabs Eddy and pulls him aboard.] "Ed?"

Nat: "We're coming guys!"

Edd: "Stay calm!" [muttering] "Curse my inventive ways." [calling] "No sudden movements now, do you hear me?"

Jonny: "What'd he say? Race you to the top, Plank!" [reaching the top] "How bout giving me a break once in while, speedy?"

Edd: "Jonny, stay in your seat! Oh dear."

Eddy: "Hey Double D, your gum's indestructible!"

Nat: [picking up a stick and rock] "Double D do you have a rubber band?""

Edd: [taking out a rubber band] "Yes but why-"

Nat: [taking the rubber band] "You'll see." 

[Nat makes a slingshot. She puts the rock on it and aims at the bubble. She shoots the rock and it pops the bubble. Ed, Eddy, Jonny, and Plank come plummeting down to Earth, screaming. Ed and Eddy go through a house's roof. Jonny hits the ground and continues to break through.]

[Jonny resurfaces in China.]

Jonny: "Wow, China! Just like in the cartoons!"

[Edd and Nat hustle up the stairs towards the damage.]

Nat: "Where are they?"

Edd: "If my calculations are correct, they should have landed–" [They enters the scene of destruction. Sarah's room is trashed.] "–in Sarah's room."

Ed: [a bedspring around his head] "I'm a Borg."

Nat: "Sarah's going to be furious!"

Edd: [going mad] "Ed, do you realize you've damaged, nay, destroyed, Sarah's room? Eddy, get up! We need to find tacks, fabric, and a lathe!"

[Eddy lifts his head, and a book falls off his face. The book is Sarah's diary.]

Eddy: "Well whaddya know? It's Sarah's diary! Let's make some popcorn and read it!"

Nat: "No Eddy!"

Ed: [alarmed] "It's Sarah's, Eddy! Put it back! Get away from it!"

Edd: [taking the book] "I'll take that. Thank you. Ed's right, Eddy. A diary is a written record of one's private and personal thoughts. Fortunately, there will be no reading of this intimate ledger, not while I'm present."

[Eddy grabs the book away from Edd.]

Eddy: "At last, my revenge!" [He laughs evilly.]

Sarah: "What the heck are you talking about, Jimmy?"

[Sarah and Jimmy are coming up the stairs.]

Jimmy: "Tai Chi, Sarah. The art of relaxation. Everybody's doing it."

Ed: "It's Sarah! We are so doomed. Help me guys! She'll tell Mom and Mom will tell Dad and he'll say 'Not now, I just got home from work.' I'm not in my happy place, Eddy!"

Eddy: [with the diary] "Where am I supposed to put this–"

Jimmy: [nearing the top of the stairs] "You find a quiet place and stretch your muscles. Soothing."

Sarah: "Boy, that's stupid. C'mon, let's try on shoes, Jimmy."

Eddy: "Double D, think fast." [He heaves the book at Edd and it sails out the window.]

Edd: "Oh, that was brilliant, Eddy."

Ed: "I GOT IT!" [He jumps out the window, taking Edd and Nat with him. Eddy follows them.]

Jimmy: "He was such a cute squirrel, too."

[Sarah and Jimmy enter the room.]

Sarah: "Oh, no. ED!!!!! Wait till I get my hands on that–" [she begins to tear up] "–that–" [she breaks down] "My room's a wreck!"

Jimmy: "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, Sarah."

Sarah: "Oh, Jimmy!" [They hug.] "This is a full pager for my diary." [She realizes it's gone.] "MY DIARY!!!!!!!"

Edd: "Quickly! We need to find Sarah's diary Eddy!"

Nat: "Who knows what she'll do!"

Ed: [a look of fear on his face as he checks a grill] "I know what she'll do, and it won't be fresh linen."

Edd: "Well put, Ed."

Eddy: "Okay, enough looking."

Edd: "But Eddy, the diary." [Eddy drags his friends away.]

Ed: "I'm in my happy place, Double D!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are hunting through the remnants of Sarah's devastated room.]

Jimmy: "I'm sure it'll turn up, Sarah."

Sarah: "WHERE! IS! IT?!?!?"

Nazz: [outside] "Wow, Sarah. Can you, like, yell any louder?"

Sarah: "Take a hike, dollface." [Sarah leaves and Kevin appears.]

Jimmy: [explaining] "Sarah's diary is missing."

Nazz: "Oh man, that's horrible!"

Kevin: [sarcastic] "Yeah, a real drag."

Nazz: "No problem. Kevin and I can help you find it." [She elbows him and laughs.]

Kevin: "Aw, man..."

[The Eds and Nat are hiding in the lane.]

Nat: "No sign of Sarah, Eddy."

[They turn back to Eddy. Eddy's back is to them and he is looking at something and giggling. Eddy turns around, keeping his hands behind his back.]

Edd: "Is there something you'd like to share with us?"

Eddy: [sweating] "No." [Ed picks him up and holds him upside down.] "What's your problem?"

Nat: "C'mon Eddy."

Edd: "Hand it over."

Eddy: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Edd: "Ed?" [Ed shakes Eddy, and Sarah's diary falls out.] "Just as I thought. You ran off with Sarah's diary–that's saturated in drool! And its spine is bent! We can't return it in this condition!"

Eddy: "Good, 'cause I haven't started reading it yet!"

[Eddy grabs the diary along with Edd and Nat. They are held upside down as Ed runs away with his friends.]

Ed: "I'm not in my happy place, guys!"

Edd: "I'm really not enjoying this, Eddy."

[Eddy plucks one of his hairs out and uses it to pick the lock on the diary.]

Edd: "Okay, I've had about enough now."

[Eddy opens the lock.]

Eddy: "Ta-da!"

Edd: [about to throw up] "Losing it! I'm losing it!" [Eddy drops Edd and Nat.]

Nat: "Ow."

Eddy: "Bingo! Take five, Lumpy."

Ed: "Double D lost it all over the ground, Eddy."

Eddy: [reading the diary as a dizzy Edd walks towards him and Ed] "Listen to this! 'Dear Diary, Double D is so cute. Last night I dreamed that he gave me a horsie.' A horsie!"

Edd: "Me? And Sarah?"

Ed: "Sitting in a tree!"

Eddy: "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Nat: "Ok ok we should return it now."

Eddy: "Dear Diary, Nat is soo beautiful, I'm so jealous, I wish I was as pretty as her."

Nat: "Sarah? Jealous of me?"

Edd: "Well it's not hard to see why."

Nat: "What?"

Edd: [blushing] "O-Oh n-nothing!"

Ed: "Oh, look! An Eddy drawing!" [Eddy flips the page.] "And another!"

Eddy: "That ain't me!" [Eddy turns the pages more rapidly, revealing a flipbook.]

Edd: "Seems Sarah would like to pursue a career in animation." [The cartoon Eddy is walking through a field of dollar signs.]

Eddy: "What a loser." [The cartoon gets struck by lightning.]

Ed: "Oh, look! Eddy is a smudge!"

[A brick lands on the smudge, and Ed and Edd laugh. Eddy growls.]

[Sarah growls.]

Jimmy: "Don't worry, Sarah. See? We'll find your diary, honest."

[Kevin is looking through a trash can. He shakes his head, indicating nothing, and Nazz points him to the next.]

Rolf: [looking under a rock] "The space beneath the rock is vacant, She-Who-Gives-Migranes."

Sarah: [crying] "I want my diary!" [She runs away weeping.]

Kevin: "Speaking of vacant, anyone seen Dork, Dorkk, Dorky and Nat?"

[Eddy is in the lane, making fun of one of Ed's problems detailed in the diary.]

Eddy: "Wow, good thing that problem cleared up, huh Ed?" [He laughs.]

Nat: "We really should return it Eddy."

Edd: "Enough is enough, Eddy! My mind is riddled with unpleasant images! I implore you, please stop reading the diary!"

Kevin: "I knew it! You are busted!" [Eddy grabs him.] "What the–"

[Kevin is tied to a tree.]

Kevin: "Way to go, bucko. You've reached a new low in dork history."

Eddy: "Ha! Jealous? Hasta la vista, baby!"

Edd: "I do apologize for the abrupt accommodations, Kevin. C'est la vie!" [The Eds and Nat leave.]

Kevin: "This show needs subtitles."

Edd: [freaking out] "We've broken the law! Not only have we taken one's personal belongings, but, add to it, abduction, and detaining one against their will! What to do? What to do? I could use some help here!"

Ed: "I forget what we're doing." [Eddy shoots an annoyed look at him.]

Nat: "We could go back in the house and return it."

Edd: "That's it! We sneak back to the house, we bury the book within its boundaries, and deceptively plead amnesia!"

Eddy: "I like that! Double D, that's so underhanded!"

Edd: "Oh, dear. You're right." [He claps his hands over his mouth.]

Eddy: "I'm rubbing off on ya, Double D."

Ed: "Happy place, happy place, happy place."

Edd: "Betrayed by my own vocabulary."

[The kids are still on the hunt for the diary. Eddy peers out from the lane. Edd is taping his mouth shut.]

Rolf: "Hello?"

Jimmy: "Wait for me, Sarah!"

Edd: "Bad mouth, bad!"

Ed: "Tape!"

Eddy: "The coast is clear! Let's move out!"

[The Eds and Nat head to Ed's backyard. Ed sets Edd on the ground. Edd's entire upper body is covered in tape.]

Ed: "Off you go, mister!" [Edd stumbles into the yard. Nat follows behind.]

Eddy: "Will you move it?" [He throws Ed around the side of the house and follows Ed off.] "Oh, this'll do fine."

[Eddy puts the book in a lawn chair and slams it shut. The chair immediately pops back open. Eddy tries again, with the same result. This is attempted two more times before Eddy puts his entire weight on it. This causes the book to shoot off out of the chair.]

Ed: [with a shovel] "Let's bury that book!" [The book comes at him.] "That book's attacking! Duck!"

[Ed ducks. Nat rips the tape off of Edd's head.]

Edd: "I'm sweating!"

[The book catches him on the back of the head, knocking Edd over.]

Nat: "Are you ok Double D?"

Edd: [picking up the diary] "Well, I deserved that."

[Ed, Nat and Eddy suddenly develop looks of fear.]

Edd: "What?"

Sarah: "Hey, you! That's my diary!" [Sarah and Jimmy are right behind him.]

Ed: [clawing at the fence] "AAH! TROUBLE! RUN! BASTE THE TURKEY!"

Sarah: [snatching her diary] "You better not have read anything!"

Edd: "Me? Never!"

Nat: "We didn't!"

Eddy: "You should be happy we found it for ya, Sarah!"

Sarah: [reads a page] "There's drool stains all over these pages! YOU LOOKED AT MY DIARY!"

Eddy: "Way to go, Double D."

[Sarah advances, backing the Eds and Nat into a corner.]

Jimmy: "Well, it's been nice knowing you!"

Eddy: "Do something, Ed, she's your sister!"

Ed: "We are goners, Eddy!"

Jimmy: "Give 'em the ol' one, two, buckle my shoe, Sarah!"

Edd: "Isn't there anything we can do to make you feel better? Sarah?" [Eddy fishes in Edd's pocket.] "Can I help you?"

[Eddy pulls out a brick of the experimental gum.]

Eddy: "Got it!"

Edd: "She'll never go for the gum, Eddy!"

Eddy: [shoving the brick in Edd's mouth] "Shut up and start chewing!"

Ed: "Eddy, Sarah's getting closer!"

Eddy: "Faster, Double D! Chew, chew, c'mon!"

Edd: "My jaw's cramping."

Eddy: "Hurry, blow a bubble!"

Ed: "Blow a bubble, Double D!"

[Nat rolls her eyes and presses her mouth to Edd's and exhales, blowing a gigantic bubble inside of Edd. The Eds and Nat take flight.]

Eddy: "See you later, half-pint!"

Sarah: "Ed, you get back here or I'm telling mom!"

Ed: "Don't tell mom, Sarah!"

Nat: "Try and hold it Double D!"

Edd: "I can't hold it!" [He exhales and sends the Eds and Nat plummeting.]

Ed: "Have mercy, child of the netherworld!"

[The Eds, Nat, Jonny, and Plank are in Ed's room, stuck to one another by gum. Sarah is writing in her diary.]

Sarah's writing: "Dear Diary, my brother and that stupid Eddy got what they deserved today. Double D and Nat looked so innocent, but you know what they say; give those cute and beautiful ones an inch and they'll take a mile."

Nat: "I hate having gum stuck to my hair."

Edd: "Once again, our day ends with the four of us–"

Eddy: "Stuck together in some nutty way, but wait! We have a guest tonight."

Ed: "I like the way Jonny's stuck."

Jonny: "Boy, Plank, how the heck did we ever end up here? If you weren't so scared of turning into chopsticks, we'd still be in China!"

Eddy: "Can somebody scrape this guy off my shoe? Please?"


	57. It Came From Outer Ed

[Ed is in his basement reading a comic book labeled "Evil Tim."]

Ed: "The curse of Evil Tim!"

[Ed reads the comic, absorbed. Eddy looks in from the window. Outside, the kids are congregated with Nat.]

Jonny: "I can't wait either, Plank!"

Eddy: [excited] "Places, people! The show's about to start!"

Kevin: "This better not bite, dork."

[Eddy rushes over to Edd, who is wearing a bush.]

Eddy: "Everybody's waiting, Double D!"

Edd: "Eddy, I'm having second thoughts. Ed is sure to catch on to this charade."

Eddy: "Stick to the script." [He kicks Edd to his position, then runs over to Ed's window and proceeds to bang on it.] "HELP! ED, SAVE US! HELP ED!"

Ed: "Evil Tim's got Eddy!"

Eddy: "Up here, blockhead."

Ed: "Eddy!" [He slams his face against the window and holds up the book.] "I got a new comic."

Eddy: "So what? We're being attacked." [He drags Ed out and shows him to the kids.] "Stop panicking, folks! Everything's gonna be okay, 'cause Ed's here to save our lives!"

Ed: "Yep. It's me alright."

Eddy: "It's been terrorizing the cul-de-sac all morning! Oh, look! There it is!"

[An ominous black shape rises up in the distance. Ed looks through his comic.]

Ed: "It is the curse of Evil Tim!"

Kevin: "What a rube." [He, Jonny, and Rolf laugh.]

Rolf: "Greenhorn Ed-boy has fallen harder than Nano's arches, yes? No?" [Eddy clamps their mouths shut.]

Eddy: "Ssh!"

Ed: "It has come to dissect our internal organs, and feed them to the minions of Hades!"

Jimmy: "Jeepers, Sarah. Ed's scaring the Mr. BoJangles out of me."

Eddy: "Don't worry, Jimmy. You're in good hands." [He taps Jimmy on the head, pushing Jimmy's trike forward at the monster, causing Sarah to punch him.]

Jimmy: "Runaway trike!"

Eddy: [Now sporting a black eye from Sarah's punch] "Look at that, Ed! Evil Tim is sucking Jimmy in!"

[Jimmy hurtles down the lawn, wailing. Ed follows, clutching a ginormous tree.]

Ed: "CRUSH THE MONSTER!"

Edd: [as the monster, but peaks his head out] "LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT NORTHERN DUTCH ELM! Oh dear. Oh dear. I can't seem to coordinate my–"

[Edd tries to move out of the way, but the costume makes rapid movement impossible. Ed smashes the tree down on top of Edd and Jimmy.]

Ed: "The curse has passed! You are safe."

Nat: "Double D!" [She rushes over]

Jonny: "Holy moley!" [Kevin falls off his head.]

Rolf: "Rolf is amused."

Nazz: "So where's Jimmy, dude?" [Sarah realizes the gravity of the situation.]

Sarah: "JIIMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!!!!"

Ed: "Jimmy?"

Eddy: [tearing up] "You gotta love him."

[Nat tries to lift the tree. Ed roots underneath the tree until he finds and pulls out Jimmy.]

Ed: "SPEAK TO ME JIMMY!"

Jimmy: "Some things are best left unsaid." [The kids giggle.]

Ed: "FIRST AID FOR JIMMY!"

Kevin: "Choice!"

[Ed gives Jimmy mouth-to-mouth, blowing in and inflating Jimmy only to have him deflate each time. As he does this, Kevin and Eddy burst into laughter as everyone looks on.]

Ed: [when Jimmy is back to normal] "ARE YOU WITH US, JIMMY?"

Jimmy: "Help!" [Sarah yanks him away.]

Sarah: "Stop it!"

Jimmy: "I got prune lips, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Ed, you slobber-mouthed baboon!" [She carries Jimmy away.]

Kevin: "That was so awesome, huh Rolf?"

Eddy: "Gee, thanks Kev."

Kevin: "Oops. What I meant to say was it was awesome–for a one-year-old!" [He and Rolf laugh and walk off.] "Dork."

[Nat manages to pull Edd out from under the tree.]

Nat: "Double D are you ok?!"

Edd: "Oh...is this what we've been reduced to?!? Humiliating each other?!?"

Ed: [pulling Edd up] "Double D! Not you too!" [He attempts to give Edd his particular brand of first aid.]

Edd: "NO FIRST AID! STOP!"

Nat: [getting in between] "Ok Ed I think you've done enough."

Ed: "I feel funny."

Eddy: "Funny? You're a laugh and a half, Ed!" [Ed reaches down and pulls out a clump of dirt.]

Ed: "Boing! It's a light bulb. Boing!"

Eddy: "Okay. I'm stumped."

Edd: "I believe Ed has an idea."

Ed: "Boing! For a scam."

Eddy: [laughing] "Stick to counting your teeth, Ed. I come up with the scams around here."

Ed: "But Eddy, boing!"

Eddy: "What do you know about scams?" [He wrenches the dirt away and gets hit in the face.] "Forget it!"

[Ed sits down and starts to cry.]

Nat: "It's ok Ed."

Edd: "There, there Ed."

Eddy: "What's he blubbering about?"

Ed: [weeping] "Boing, Eddy!"

Edd: "First you make him the brunt of your joke, now you deny him freedom of concept! He may have thought of something truly unique."

Nat: "Yeah how dare you deny him the right of creative freedom!"

[Eddy and Edd stare at Nat. She nervously smiles.]

Nat: "Sorry."

Ed: [sobbing] "It's a good one, Eddy!"

Eddy: "ALL RIGHT ALREADY! Let's do your stupid scam, Ed."

Ed: [joyous] "I am the man! My scam my scam my scam. My scam!" [to Edd and Nat] "I learned that trick from Sarah." [to his friends] "Okay. First we need-um–" [he looks at Evil Tim] "A bunch of rocks!"

Edd: "Rocks?"

Eddy: "This is on your head."

[Eddy leaves. Edd thumbs his nose at Eddy's receding back and follows.]

[Ed is painting, splashing red paint everywhere. Ed finishes and comes up for air.]

Ed: "I marked the spot with an X, Double D and Nat. Let's move 'em out!"

[Edd looks from the pile of large rocks to Ed.]

Edd: "Ed, these rocks are quite large in mass and will require significant force in order to...transport..." [He trails off.]

Ed: "Right over on the X, Double D!" [He rushes over to a porta-potty.] "Ready or not, here I come!"

Eddy: "Go away!" [Ed lifts the top off to reveal Eddy, shirtless with a red hat on his head and with his face painted purple. A pentagram hangs on his chest.] "Why am I dressed this way, Ed?"

Ed: "It's all a part of the big plan."

Eddy: "Yeah, right."

Ed: "Now, paint this like an Aztec temple." [He drops a portable cement mixer on Eddy and runs off.] "My scam, my scam, my scam."

[Edd is struggling with a rock. Nat carries hers with ease. They carry it to the spot Ed indicated only to find a Q. They turn to Ed shoving a shovel up his sleeve.]

Nat: "Q?" 

Edd: "Ed, where's the X?"

Ed: [heaving a long-suffering sigh] "A, B, C, D, L M N O G. Don't you know your alphabet, Double D?"

Edd: "But I don't understand! You said X marks the spot! All I see is a–"

Ed: "Boing! Lunchbreak!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are seated at a table. Ed opens a toolbox and hands them each sandwiches. Ed and Eddy begin to eat.]

Nat: "Thank you Ed." [She takes a bite]

Edd: "Well, Ed, this is very nice. Thank you."

[Ed swallows his first bite and slaps the table away. He then knocks Eddy and Edd's sandwiches to the ground.]

Ed: "Back to work!" [He turns to Nat] "You can finish yours Nat."

Nat: "Um that's ok Ed." [She sets it down]

Ed: [He hands Edd another rock.] "Right on the X." [Ed sends Edd on his way and gallops over to Eddy.] "C'mon, Eddy! We have to find rotten spaghetti noodles!"

Eddy: "How stupid can you–" [Ed grabs Eddy in his teeth.] "Hey!" [Ed carries him away.]

Edd: [staggering around] "Ed, wait! I can't find an X!"

[All around the construction site, one letter is drawn in red: Q.]

[Kevin is in the lane with the other kids.]

Kevin: "Let go of my ball, Jonny!"

Jonny: [a football stuck in his mouth] "Mmph mmph mmph!"

Kevin: "If your tooth pokes a hole in it, I'll let all the air out of your head!" [Jimmy runs up.]

Jimmy: "Hey, guys!"

Rolf: "Hello."

Jimmy: "Look! Sarah got me a new teddy! Introducing..." [Sarah holds up a stuffed rabbit] "Mr. Yum Yum! Isn't it adorable?"

Kevin: "Better keep it away from Jonny, or he'll eat it."

Jimmy: "He wouldn't dare! Mr. Yum Yum hates saliva. I love you, Mr. Yum Yum." [He hugs the bunny.]

Kevin: "I think I'm gonna hurl."

Rolf: [sentimental] "Jimmy's foolish affection for a stuffed hand cloth touches Rolf, as I too have a childhood companion. Meet my clam, Bobo." [He pulls out a gigantic clam from under his shirt.] "To this day Rolf seeks comfort from Bobo when he is frightened. Hello, Bobo." [He hugs the clam.]

Kevin: "Is that a giant clam?"

[A piece of fence walks up the lane. It is put down, and Ed peers over it. Eddy wanders up grumpily.]

Ed: "Our suckers await unsuspectingly."

Eddy: [suddenly interested] "Suckers? I thought we'd never get to this part! So how do we fleece em, Ed?"

Ed: [nervous] "We need Double D for this part!"

[Ed gallops away. He comes back pushing Edd forward. Edd is dressed in a parka.]

Edd: "There wasn't an X to be found, Ed." [Ed jams a fishbowl over Edd's head.]

Ed: "Okay. Now, Double D, it is very important that you give Eddy these pancakes. Yum."

Edd: "Very well, Ed. Here, Eddy." [He gives Eddy the pancakes.]

Eddy: "Pancakes give me gas."

Edd: "Now what?"

Ed: "X marks the spot, Double D! Off you go!"

Edd: "There is no X, Ed!"

Ed: [hushed] "Wait for my signal, Eddy."

[Ed walks over to the kids, his back horizontal. On his chest he carries a teapot.]

Sarah: "ED! Is that Mom's teapot?"

Ed: [standing up causing the pot to fall and shatter.] "Maybe."

Sarah: [flatly] "Ed, you're scaring me."

[Suddenly, Ed grabs Mr. Yum Yum and runs away.]

Jimmy: "Mr. Yum Yum!"

Sarah: "Get back here!"

Ed: [running past Eddy] "Now, Eddy, now!"

Eddy: "Now what?" [He turns around to see the angry kids converging on him.]

Jonny: "Are you gonna finish those, Eddy?"

Kevin: [threatening] "Where's Mr. Yum Yum?"

Eddy: "Mr. Yum Yum? Who, Ed?" [Sarah pushes the kids out of her way.] "Pancake?" [Sarah leaps on him and begins the thrashing.] "HELP ME!"

[Ed drops the rabbit into the middle of a Q. Edd is next to it, struggling with a rock. Nat is holding hers next to it as well.]

Ed: "Nice job, Double D. It looks just like a Q."

Edd: [confused] "Excuse me? Ed, I think somewhere along the line you lost your train of thought. Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential."

[Ed takes out a dog treat and begins to eat it.]

Nat: "Is that a doggie treat?"

Ed: "What's the rock for, Double D?"

[Edd stands there stunned. The rock slips from his grasp and falls onto his foot. He breaks the silence.]

Edd: "MY FOOT!"

[Nat drops her rock and lifts Edd's off his foot.]

Eddy: [with the pentagram trashed and the hat off his head.] MY HEAD!" [He stumbles between Ed, Nat and Edd.]

Ed: "You're late, Eddy!"

Eddy: [strangling Ed] "Why'd you take the rabbit? GIVE BACK JIMMY'S MR. YUM YUM!!!"

Edd: "Mr. Yum Yum?"

Eddy: [to Edd] "You know I'm gonna get you for this."

Sarah: "HEY!"

[The kids have arrived, blood boiling and ready for vengeance, seeking to reclaim the stuffed hand cloth.]

Sarah: "Give Jimmy back his bunny!"

Jimmy: "I'm but a mere shell of a man without my Mr. Yum Yum."

Jonny: "Let's tickle em till they wet their pants!"

Edd: [shaking from nervousness] "Well, let's not jump to anything rash. It's a simple breakdown in communication."

Ed: "Fools!"

[Ed is situated atop a mound of dirt. The kids, the Eds and Nat are in front of him, able to do nothing but watch.]

Ed: "Evil Tim has beckoned you all, for you all will pay with your brains!"

Eddy: "Brains? What are we gonna do with brains?" [Edd smirks at Eddy.]

[Ed bites into Mr. Yum Yum's belly.]

Jimmy: "Mr. Yum Yum!"

[The fuzz drifts down to Edd, Nat and Eddy.]

Eddy: "What the heck's he doing?"

Nat: "I have no idea."

Edd: "It's embarrassing me to no end."

Rolf: [scared] "Ed-boy has bitten the belly of a stuffed hand cloth!" [He pulls out his clam.] "Quickly! We must seek encouragement in the bosom of Bobo!"

Nazz: "If you think I'm getting in that thing–"

Rolf: "YOU WILL DOOM US ALL!!!!"

[Rolf grabs Nazz and shoves her into the clam. The rest of the kids are pushed in. Various body parts end up sticking out of the clam, most notably Rolf's legs.]

Jonny: "Listen to it gurgle, Plank!"

[Rolf stands up and runs off.]

Edd: "Was that a giant clam?"

Nat: "Yes it was."

Eddy: "Nice scam! They took off! So where's the cash?"

Ed: "Cash?"

Eddy: "AAAH!" [to Edd] "It's your fault. WHY DID YOU ENCOURAGE HIM?!"

Ed: [after sliding down the mound of dirt.] "Aw, shucks, sorry guys. My curse didn't work. But I did everything it said in the comic book."

Edd: "Ed, curses are nothing more than myth and superstition, based only on one's own personal fears."

[A crow flutters down and lands on his head. Three more land by the Eds and Nat.]

Edd: "Strange. The crows migration pattern is nowhere near this location."

[More black birds flutter down near the Eds and Nat. The camera pans to show more and more coming towards the construction site, landing on the bare bones of houses and various trees.]

Edd: "It's as though they were summoned to gather here."

[The crows are now in even rows, placed at specific distances from one another. Despite this, more crows are coming in and fluttering to the gathering.]

Edd: "But why?"

Nat: "I don't know."

Eddy: "Man I hate birds."

[The demonic black birds continue to fly in. One particularly scary shot finds them staring straight at the camera.]

Ed: "Evil Tim has beckoned them!"

Edd, Nat & Eddy: ED!!!!!!

[The sound of cawing fills the world, drowning out everything else.]


	58. 3 Squares and an Ed

[Nat stands patiently. Eddy looks ahead, bored. Edd pops out behind them, a huge grin spread across his face and a helmet replacing his hat.]

Edd: "Try to contain yourself, Nat and Eddy! The adrenaline of irreverence can be quite overwhelming!" [quieter] "We're so bad."

Eddy: [annoyed] "What're you givin me here, laundry chutes?" [He indicates the chutes.]

Edd: "Very good, Eddy! But look closely. One's Mother's chute, one's Father's chute, and last but not least, my chute. Eddy, my chute has been secretly treated with a silicone lubricant making it the fastest slide to any basement, anywhere!"

Nat: "Wow!"

Eddy: "No foolin?"

Edd: "Now for safety reasons, I insist you use these pillows, Nat and Eddy. Better safe than sorry."

[While Edd's back is turned, Eddy wiggles his way into Edd's chute. He starts his slide.]

Eddy: "Yee-haw!" [The chute slams shut, and Edd turns around, clutching a pillow.] "WOOHOOHOOHOO!!!" [As Eddy falls, his skin peels off like puzzle pieces.]

Edd: "Eddy, you get back up here and get your pillow!" [The sound of Eddy's landing is heard.]

Nat: "I'd like one Double D."

[Edd smiles and hands her a pillow.]

Nat: "Thank you."

Eddy: [in the basement] "Bottom floor! Dryer lint, paint cans, lonely socks and mildew!" [Edd lands at the bottom of his father's chute.]

Edd: "And arachnids!"

[Nat lands at the bottom of Edd's mother chute.]

Nat: "That was awesome!"

Eddy: "You got peanuts in your basement, Double D?"

Edd: "Spiders, Eddy." [He climbs a ladder to get a closer look at one.] "Basements make an excellent home for spiders, and Mildred is ready for her weekly examination." [Nat looks at the spider with interest. Eddy looks around bored.] "Aren't you, Mildred?" [to Mildred] "Did you just wink at me? Yes you did!" [A creaking sound is heard and a horrible screeching sound comes from an opened closet. Edd rushes over.] "Don't touch that, Eddy!" [Edd turns off something called the "Opera-Matic."] "Well, I see you've stumbled upon my collection of misfit failed inventions, nosy parker! I've archived these disasters to remind me of our misguided attempts and learn from past mistakes."

Eddy: "Hey, is that a volcano?" [He rushes into the closet and hauls out the volcano.]

Edd: "Eddy, not that old thing!"

Eddy: "How's it work? Does something shoot out of here? Well, where do you plug it in?"

[Eddy steps on a button at the base. The volcano turns on and sucks Eddy's head into it. Eddy strains.] "Double D!" [Eddy's head gets sucked in. Nat tries to help Eddy while Edd giggles.] "A comedian, huh?" [Eddy rears back with the volcano stuck to his head, shouting angry sumo gibberish.]

Edd: "Oh dear!" [He runs away. Eddy slams his head down, and the volcano impacts where Edd was standing, smashing it.]

Nat: "Double D wait!" [Nat goes after Edd]

[Eddy, volcano off his head, chases Edd outside.]

Eddy: "Wait'll I get my hands on you!"

Edd: "Nat, help!" [He pulls to a stop in front of a barricade of pots and pans. Nat stops as well. Eddy leaps at Edd and Nat.]

Eddy: "Gotcha!" [He tackles Edd, sending Edd and himself over the wire and setting off the alarm.]

Sarah: "Freeze, mister!" [She is in a police uniform and holding a rifle.] "Put your hands where I can see 'em!"

Eddy: [pushing the rifle away] "Get that stupid thing out of my face, Sarah." [Sarah brings the end of the gun down on Eddy's head.]

Sarah: "Take a hike, Eddy, no one sees my brother. 'Cause he's been grounded."

Eddy: [chuckling] "This I gotta see. Coming, Nat? Double D?"

Sarah: [stopping him] "Halt! No visitors!"

Jimmy: [to a docile Edd] "Don't let me have to use this!" [He puts a carved wooden rifle in Edd's ribs and giggles.] "Kidding! It's just a hunk of wood, Double D."

Edd: [lowering the barrel with his finger] "It's all fun and games till someone gets a sliver, Jimmy."

Sarah: "Guard!" [Jimmy retreats to his post.] "Atten-SHUN! Ready, and...March!" [They march in front of Ed's window, which has bars taped across it.] "Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup..."

Eddy: [seemingly giving up] "Oh well. You'll have to learn your lesson, Ed. Let's go, Nat and Double D. Before I start to cry. We'll miss you, buddy." [He waves. As he rounds the corner of the house, Eddy grins.]

[Jimmy and Sarah are marching in front of the post. Plank, dressed as a four-leaf clover, pokes out from a bush. Jimmy notices Plank and stops marching. Plank is yanked back into the bush.]

Jimmy: "I think I'm getting heatstroke from this hat, Sarah!"

Sarah: "What's going on, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "There's something in the bushes!"

Sarah: "Really?" [pushing Jimmy forward] "I guess you better check it out, private! Move it!"

[Jonny jumps out of the bushes dressed like a leprechaun.]

Jonny: "Howdy howdy howdy! If you catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!"

Jimmy: "A leprechaun!"

Jonny: "Catch me I'll give you me pot of gold!"

Jimmy: [chasing Jonny] "I gotcha, you little scamp!"

Sarah: "Jimmy, wait! You get back here!" [Jimmy doesn't come back.] "Jimmy?" [Decides to join in with Jimmy] "Hey, wait for me!"

[Eddy, Nat and Edd peek out from the other side of the house.]

Eddy: [to Edd] "What'd I tell ya? Jonny'll do anything for a handful of granola."

Edd: "I'm not sure about this, Eddy. Ed's parents will surely tell our parents. Haven't you heard of consequential punishment? It's the parental ring."

Nat: "Double D's right Eddy."

Eddy: "Fine. If that's how you two feel, I'll let Ed know you both were too busy to help him in his time of need. Don't worry about it." [He goes to check up on Ed, smirking.]

Edd: "The old guilt route, huh Eddy?

Nat: "Works every time."

[They follows Eddy.]

[Ed, sniveling and sniffling, is staring at a picture of his TV. He lowers the photograph, revealing that the TV is missing.]

Ed: [sad] "It is not fair."

[Ed is sitting in a cardboard box in the corner of his basement, crying. It is evident that he has cried many tears, as a puddle has collected around him and the base of the box is soaked through. In the middle of his room, a storm drain starts to rattle, and the drain shoots up. An umbrella-like contraption appears and stretches the hole in the concrete wide enough to comfortably let the bodies of Edd, Nat and Eddy out.]

Edd: "And there you have it. The yielding abilities of cement are further explained."

Ed: "Eddy! Nat! Double D!" [He hugs them tightly and pulls them out of the hole.]

Eddy: "Ed."

Ed: "Hello!"

Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "Hello!"

Eddy: "ED!"

Ed: "Hello!"

Eddy: "We're busting you out, Ed."

Ed: "But I am grounded, Eddy. I have been a bad boy." [He drops his friends and walks to his box.]

Eddy: "So be a good boy." [He holds Ed over the drain.] "Follow us. Suck in your stomach, Ed!"

Ed: "I can't do it! Sarah will find out and she'll tell Mom!" [He leaps into his box.] "And I'll be grounded!"

Edd: "Ed, you've already been grounded."

Eddy: [thinking] "I know how to get Ed out of here so that even he won't know he's missing." [He pets Ed to put him at ease.]

[Jonny and Jimmy are by a cardboard rainbow.]

Jimmy: "It's the end of the rainbow, leprechaun. Hand over that pot of gold."

Jonny: "Nope. Up to the fake rainbow, that's all you get for one handful, pal." [He peels off his fake beard, giggles, and leaves.]

Jimmy: [disappointed] "My fantasy! Crushed by an imp."

Sarah: "Back to your post!" [She grabs Jimmy.]

[Eddy stares out Ed's basement window.]

Eddy: [hushed] "Hurry it up, Double D!"

Edd: "All right, Eddy." [He pushes Ed's box into the puddle of tears. In the box is a vacuum cleaner wearing a pair of Ed's pants. Edd slips Ed's shirt and jacket over the body and Nat adds a pineapple to the top.] "There we go! A rather apprable substitute for Ed's head, don't you think?" [He frowns.] "Yet, it feels unfinished. Wanting."

Nat: "What could be missing?"

Eddy: "Hey fountainhead, we haven't got all day!"

Ed: [wearing a new ensemble] "Why is Ed sitting in a box?"

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed, and go down the drain!" [He tries to push Ed down the drain.]

Edd: "That's it!" [He positions a book in front of the Ed statue.] "Hmm..."

Nat: "Ed doesn't rea-"

Eddy: "Will you two hurry up?" [He grabs Edd and Nat.]

[A sprinkler is watering Ed's back lawn. Suddenly, the flow of water stops, and a lump moves through the hose. The hose spits out Ed and then, in short order, Edd, Nat and Eddy.]

Eddy: "How's it feel to be back on the outside, Ed?"

Ed: "OUTSIDE ED?!?!? But I am grounded, Eddy!" [He hightails it through the window.]

Eddy: [trying to pull Ed back] "So what?"

Edd: "Has that window been open this whole time?"

Nat: "Apparently so."

Sarah: "Hey, who's there?" [She jumps around the side of the house, gun cocked.] "Freeze, mister!"

[There is nobody there. Sarah goes over to the window and peers in at the Ed statue.]

Sarah: "You keep it down in there, Ed!"

[Sarah and Jimmy move away from the window. The real Ed and his cohorts are clinging to a ceiling pipe.]

Eddy: "Our two squirts in blue haven't a clue."

Edd: "But now we're trapped with Ed, Eddy!"

Nat: "What do we do?"

Eddy: [agitated] "Just follow my lead!"

[Eddy creaks Ed's door open and drags his friends out.]

Eddy: [whispering] "Halfway there, boys and girl. Now all we have to do is go up the–"

[Eddy turns around. The stairs are missing.]

Eddy: "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STAIRS?!?"

Ed: "My parents took 'em down 'cause I am grounded."

Edd and Nat: "That's disturbing."

Eddy: "Ah, they can keep the stairs, 'cause you can jump it!"

Ed: "But I am grounded, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Yeah, yeah, we heard a million times. Lemme help, Ed!" [He pulls out a giant safety pin.]

Edd: "Eddy, don't do it!"

Eddy: "What's your problem?" [He jams the point into the floor.] "Okay Ed, just lean back."

[Ed comes flying out the basement door.]

Ed: "Alley-oop!"

Edd: [following him] "Gracious!"

Nat: [following him] "Woah!

Eddy: [bringing up the rear] "Geronimo!"

[The Eds and Nat land in the living room, right by the front door.]

Eddy: "Behold, the gate to freedom!" [He puts his hand on the doorknob.] "After me."

[Sarah throws the door open, knocking the Eds backward. Nat catches them. The good news is she doesn't see them. The bad news is she and Jimmy are coming inside.]

Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy, you'll be okay. Slivers aren't fun, are they? You really have to be careful with wooden rifles." [The Eds and Nat hear the cops coming and rush up the stairs.] "Let's find some tweezers and poke and prod and wiggle it around until it falls out." [Sarah hears a noise.] "What was that?"

[The Eds and Nat are staying behind the upper floor's banister as they sneak across the upper level, barely out of sight.]

Jimmy: "What?" [He listens.] "You work too hard, Sarah. Sometimes you have to stop and smell the coffee."

Sarah: "Ah, whadda you know? C'mon, let's find those tweezers." [She moves Jimmy along.]

[The Eds and Nat enter a room. Edd keeps his hands over Ed's mouth.]

Eddy: "Let's stay in here till the coast is clear." [Edd removes his hands.]

Ed: "I'M A BAD BOY! I am grounded."

Eddy: [after a moment of thought] "Quick, the window!" [He runs into Sarah's closed window.]

Edd: "I believe a solution to all this can be solved with a little brainpower, Eddy."

Eddy: [muffled] "I'm game."

[Sarah slides open a slot in Ed's door and looks in.]

Sarah: [meanly] "Hey Ed, time for dinner!"

Jimmy: "Buttered toast with gravy? People eat this?"

Sarah: "Look at him sitting there, reading his little book!" [She realizes what's wrong.] "Book?"

[Sarah storms into the room and goes up to Ed.]

Sarah: "Where'd you get that book Ed?"

[Sarah tussles with the Ed dummy and the pineapple falls off.]

Jimmy: [frightened] "Did Ed's head fall off, Sarah?"

[Sarah looks at the pineapple angrily.]

Sarah: "ED!!!!!!!!"

[Upstairs, the Eds and Nat hear the loud call.]

Ed: "Sarah knows, guys and girl!"

Eddy: "Duh Ed, we heard her. Keep your shorts on." [Ed's shorts are around his ankles.] "No, seriously, keep your shorts on, Ed."

[Jimmy runs into the backyard, whistle blasting. Sarah scurries up the stairs, also tweeting on her whistle. Eddy opens the window and tethers out a giant kite.]

Eddy: "Houston, we have liftoff."

Ed: "Let me remind you that I am–"

Eddy: "Free as a bird, Ed!"

[Eddy grabs Ed, and the kite tows the Eds and Nat out the window. Sarah bursts in through the door just as the they escape the house.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Not good not good!"

Eddy: "Go baby, go!" [The kite runs out of string, and the Eds and Nat are left hanging in midair.]

Edd: "Why do I condone such behavior?"

[The Eds fall to earth, screaming, and land on Jimmy. Jimmy is crushed into a hole. Nat peeks out of the hole and climbs out. Ed peeks out of the hole and vomits up Eddy, who pukes up Edd, who retches out Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Saliva! Yuck!"

Sarah: "Jimmy get out of there!" [She pulls Jimmy free. To Ed, sweetly] "Guess what, big brother? I'M TELLING MOM!"

Edd: "Remember that parental ring, Eddy?"

Eddy: [getting up] "Oh great, now we're gonna get it."

[In Edd's room, a makeshift telephone rings. Edd puts down the book he is reading and goes to get it.]

Edd: [picking up] "Double D here. Over."

Eddy: [using a tin can] "Hey, this stupid thing work?"

Edd: "Roger. You need to say over, Eddy, when you're done speaking. Over."

Eddy: "This stinks! I got grounded forever. Over."

Edd: "Three days for me, Eddy. A little quality time with my ants and some–"

Eddy: "Three days? What makes you so special?!? Where's Nat? Over."

Edd: "Since she lives next door to me we communicate through notepad. Over."

Eddy: "Whatever can you get her on. Over?"

Edd: "Alright Eddy. Over."

[Edd puts the phone aside as he picks up his notepad and looks out his window. He sees Nat tending to her caterpillars. She almost immediately notices him. She picks up her notepad and goes to her window. He writes on his notepad telling her to answer her phone. She writes back telling him ok with a smiley face.]

Nat: [picking up] "Nat here. Over."

Edd: "Hello Nat, How are you. Over?"

Nat: "Oh I'm doing fine how are you. Over?"

Edd: "I'm doing quite well-"

Eddy: "Nat how long did you get grounded. Over?"

Nat: "I didn't get grounded. Over."

Eddy: "What?!"

Nat: "I just have no one else to hang out with. Over."

Eddy: "Why didn't you get grounded?!"

Nat: "I apologized. Over."

Eddy: "That's it?!"

Nat: "Yeah."

Ed: [through a sponge] "Hello? Hello?"

Eddy: "Ed?"

Nat: "Ed, can you hear us? Over."

Edd: "Ed? Over." [His line slowly begins to be pulled out his window.]

Eddy: "Forget Ed! I got a plan for the escape of the–"

[The line goes taut, pulling the Eds against their respective walls. Nat let's go as hers is pulled.]

Eddy: "Hello?"

Edd: "Ouch, over."

Ed: "Cool!"

Nat: "Hello? Guys can you hear me?"

[The Eds get yanked again. Nat sees Edd being pulled.]

Edd: "Must be a party line." [He hits the wall.]

Eddy: "Oh, my aching–" [Wham! Wall slam.]

Ed: "Do it again!"

[His wish is fulfilled. In the middle of the cul-de-sac, Sarah is using an umbrella to pull on the wires.]

Jimmy: "Bring it on home, Sarah!" [Pull.] "Encore!" [Pull.] "This time with gusto!" [Pull.] "Lawdy mama!" [Pull.] "I'm tingly all over!" [Pull.]

Nat: [looking outside] "Oh no." [She rushes outside.]


	59. Dueling Eds

[Jonny looks out from behind a lightpole. Deciding it's safe, he creeps up to a fire hydrant.]

Jonny: "Hey hydrant, your fly's undone!" [He laughs and runs away.] "Hydrants are slower than molasses, huh Plank?"

Eddy: [leaping out from a tree to land in front of him] "Komohatza!"

Jonny: "For crying out loud!"

Eddy: "Yeea!" [Another Eddy lands behind Jonny.] "Shoy!" [A third lands on his left.] "Shoy!" [A fourth to Jonny's left.] "Wee-ya weeya weeya! Whah whah whah!" [Jonny is in the center of a circle of Eddys.]

Jonny: "I think I'm reliving that expired tofu, Plank. Huh?" [He notices the mirrors.] "You gotta be pulling my leg! Special effects?"

Eddy: "That's right, grasshopper. Only one of the lessons you'll learn at Master Eddy's School of Kung-fu."

[Ed falls through the wall of the makeshift school.]

Ed: "Did I get it?"

Edd: "Not by a mile, Ed. Shall we try one more time?" [He holds up a log.] "Remember, Ed. Envision the log, focus, and make contact."

Nat: "You can do it Ed!"

[Edd holds the log out. Ed concentrates and then brings his head down.]

Ed: "Hi-ya!" [He splits the log in half.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "Hallelujah! Mind over matter triumphs! Let's do it again, Ed."

Eddy: "We can enroll you today for only a quarter, grasshopper."

Jonny: "Now there's a deal! What's that Plank?"

Plank:

Jonny: [after consulting Plank] "Plank says make like a rocket and take off."

Eddy: "I shall honor your decision, oh head of a thousand gallons."

[Edd, Nat and Ed are working on the head chop again.]

Edd: "Focus, Ed."

Ed: "I am one with my shoe size, Double D."

Edd: "That's nice, Ed, just hit the dang thing."

[Eddy shoves Jonny into Edd's arms.]

Ed: "Ha!"

Edd: "Jonny?" [He yanks Jonny back.]

Ed: "Yah!" [He brings his head down, narrowly missing Jonny and instead going through the floor.] "Hello." [Eddy cackles furiously.]

Edd: "Eddy!"

Jonny: [leaving] "That was so funny I forgot to laugh."

Eddy: "Lemme remind ya, you wood-lovin–" [He hears the sound of Kevin's bike.]

Eddy: [racing to keep up with Kevin] "Hey Kev, ever thought of taking kung-fu lessons? Real cheap!"

Kevin: "Get away from me." [He turns into the lane.]

Jimmy: [from the other direction] "Hurry Sarah, I think it's started!"

Sarah: "What is it?"

Nazz: "It's supposed to be important or something."

Eddy: "Where're they going? I hate it when they don't tell us about stuff! What could be more important than Master Eddy?"

Ed: [excited] "COOKIE DOUGH! Yum yum yum yum yum."

Edd: "They say in order to gain knowledge, one must seek it. Shall we, Nat?" [He walks off with Nat, and Eddy follows.]

[Rolf is standing on a post, dressed in a strange purple costume. The kids ooh and aah in admiration. The Eds and Nat arrive and stare at the spectacle. Suddenly, Jonny reaches up and shakes Rolf.]

Jonny: "Hey, Rolf. Whatcha doin?"

Rolf: "Rolf thought no one would ask. Feast your eyes on Rolf's customary dress, sewn together from the membrane of the great sea cucumber! The fittings were excruciating, but that's another story. All for the honor of Rolf's Great Nano!" [pious] "Thank you Great Nano, wherever you may be." [normally] "Let us celebrate, yes? Every year, as part of our guilt-ridden traditions, Rolf's family pays tribute to Rolf's Great Nano and the mighty sea cucumber!"

Jonny: "Right on!"

Rolf: [giving Jonny a sea cucumber] "Welcome, my friends, don't be shy, and feast from the box of food made from the respected sea creature."

Jimmy: "Mercy me." [Eddy laughs.]

Rolf: [holding out a platter with three on it] "Try one, Ed-boy. Mama's sea cucumber balls are good for the digestion spout."

Eddy: "No foolin?" [He takes one.]

Rolf: "Double D Ed-boy?"

Edd: "Um...why thank you, Rolf."

Rolf: "Eat, eat like a pig. [he turns to Nat] "Quiet Nat-girl?"

Nat: "Thank you Rolf."

[Once Rolf turns his back, Edd surreptitiously hides the food in his hat. Nat is about to eat hers when Edd takes it from her. She looks at him confused]

Edd: "Please don't eat this." [he puts it in his hat. Nat shrugs.]

Eddy: "Hey, Double the Sockhead, you see that knothole in the fence? Bet I can hit it!" [He flings the fishball.]

Edd: "Eddy, no!"

[The food flies towards the fence. Everybody in the yard, especially Rolf, sees it. Rolf's eyes widen as he watches his tradition be figuratively trampled as the sea cucumber heads for the fence. It hits and splatters to the right of the knothole Eddy was aiming for. Eddy then proceeds to add insult to injury.]

Eddy: "Stupid fishball."

[Rolf, broken, runs inside weeping.]

Eddy: "Give it a shot, Double D."

Edd: "Eddy, show some respect!"

Eddy: "What's your problem?"

Ed: "It's his hat, Eddy. He always wears it and he talks forever about stuff, not to mention his obsession with cleanliness. Big problem."

Nat: "I don't think that's what he meant Ed."

[Rolf reappears, wearing a veil and dressed in black.]

Rolf: "Rolf mourns the loss of his honor." [He lies down beside the house.] "As you leave, please trod on Rolf's face, as Eddy has shamed the son of a shepherd."

Sarah: [leaving] "Way to go, Eddy."

Jimmy: [stepping on Rolf's face] "I feel your pain, Rolf."

Rolf: "Do not weep for–" [Kevin steps on him.]

Kevin: "Later dude."

Nazz: "Sorry, Rolf."

Rolf: "–Rolf."

Eddy: "What'd I do?"

Ed: "Hurry up guys, before he gets up! Rolf has such good parties."

Edd: [dragging Ed back] "No, Ed, we'll leave this way!" [wiping sweat from his brow] "Boy, you're heavy, Ed."

Eddy: "Will somebody tell me what I did wrong? What'd I do!"

Nat: "We'll tell you later ok."

Edd: [moving Ed with a hand truck] "Let's go, Eddy."

Eddy: [grumpy] "I didn't do anything."

[The Eds and Nat are in the Retro Van. Eddy is pretending to drive. Ed has his head out the window with his tongue out like a dog. An air of silence hangs over them.]

Eddy: [breaking the still air] "WHAT'S ROLF'S PROBLEM?" [He leaves the van.]

Ed: [stuck in the window] "Help me guys and girl!"

Nat: "Hold on Ed." [she pulls him out]

Edd: "Try and understand, Eddy. Rolf's culture is steeped in long-stemmed traditions, and if you were just to apologize–"

Eddy: "Apologize? For what? I didn't DO ANYTHING!"

Edd: "But you did, Eddy. By simply tossing his sea cucumber ball, you insulted Rolf's–"

Eddy: "Oh, boo-hoo, I hurt Rolf's stinky fishball."

Edd: "It's not the fishball, Eddy. You hurt Rolf's feelings!"

Eddy: "I didn't do anything."

Ed: [arriving] "Why don't you bake cupcakes, Eddy?"

Edd: [flabbergasted] "Cupcakes?"

Eddy: "Monobrow's right. All this talk about food is making me hungry."

Nat: "I love cupcakes! We should give some to Rolf too."

Edd: "Nat is correct Eddy, We should offer them to Rolf as a token of apology."

Eddy: "Nope. No cupcakes."

Ed: "Aw."

Edd: "Fine! Then if you won't apologize, I will!" [He pulls out a potted flower.] "A healthy potted plant should open the door to diplomacy." [He leaves. Nat follows behind]

Eddy: "You too?!"

Nat: "It's the right thing to do Eddy." [She walks off]

[Rolf is buried in his garden, a complex system of garden tools rigged above him. In the center is a hoe, perched so that it is ready to fall and slice into Rolf's buried body at any moment.]

Nat: "Uh."

Edd: "Oh my! Rolf, I may be unfamiliar with your customs, but this seems a tad extreme!"

Rolf: "Go away! Shaklaham!"

Eddy: [to Ed] "I'll give you a quarter if you tell me what's going on."

Ed: "Uh..." [after a few seconds] "I haven't got a clue, smartypants!" [He drags Eddy out.]

Edd: "Hold it! Stop right there." [Ed puts Eddy down.]

Eddy: "I suppose you're gonna tell me it's my fault Rolf's acting like a mole?"

Nat: "Can you please try to apologize?"

Edd: "Give Rolf the plant, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Man, you're worse than my mother." [He drops the plant on top of Rolf.] "Here you go Rolf, I'm sorry for hurting your...whatever."

[Eddy walks off the garden. Rolf feels the petals of the plant and then feels the whole thing. He then arrives back on earth angrily.]

Ed: "IT LIVES! Hiya, Rolf." [Rolf grabs Eddy.]

Eddy: "Hiya, Stretch. Nice plant, huh? Don't forget to water that–" [Rolf drops him.]

Rolf: "You mock Rolf yet again? With the Potted Shrub of Ridicule?"

Eddy: "The what?"

Rolf: [angry] "For the honor of Rolf's Great Nano, I challenge you to a duel!"

Nat: "What?"

Edd: "A duel?"

Rolf: "Prepare yourself, Ed-boy, as honor will be mine." [He storms away from the Eds and Nat.]

Eddy: "What'd I do now?"

Kevin: "Hey Rolf, need a hand? Toss me a shovel, dude."

Rolf: "This is not allowed, Kevin, as the Pit of the Duel must be dug with the Family Shovels of Perpetual Guilt. I alone must bear the sorrow."

[Rolf has dug an impossibly large, rectangular pit in the middle of his backyard. He heaves himself out of the hole and goes over to a tree. He then strains against it, pushing it towards the pit. Slowly, the tree begins to shift until, with a mighty crash, it is uprooted, falling straight across the hole.]

Rolf: "Enough training for Rolf, time to fix what is broken. Bring me the Ed-boy!"

[His words echo ominously across the midday sky.]

[The Eds and Nat are once again in the van. Eddy is once again driving.]

Ed: "Can we stop for ice cream?"

Nat: "Maybe later Ed."

Edd: "Eddy's concentrating on the near-at-hand duel."

Eddy: "Like I'll show up!" [muttering] "Mister Give-Rolf-a-Plant."

Ed: "LOOK OUT, EDDY, THERE'S SOMEONE ON THE ROAD!" [Kevin is in front of the van.]

Kevin: "Hey Dork, it's time for–"

[Eddy blows the horn, and the sonic force of the blast rattles Kevin.]

Ed: [wipes his brow as Eddy giggles] "Boy, that was close."

[Kevin snatches Eddy from the van.]

[Rolf is prepared and angry. He is rolling a round stone back and forth in his teeth. Kevin arrives.]

Kevin: [holding up Eddy] "Let the show begin."

[Rolf spits out the stone. Kevin picks up a chest and offers it to Eddy.]

Kevin: "Hey, squirt, choose your weapon."

[In the chest are various fish.]

Eddy: "What? More fish?"

Rolf: "CHOOSE!!!"

[Eddy, cowed, selects a fish at random.]

Nat: "Wow."

Ed: "Holy mackerel!"

Edd: "Yes, I believe you're right, Ed."

Kevin: "This is gonna be so choice!" [He pulls out a camcorder.]

Rolf: "Anything to say, Ed-boy?!"

[Lightning flashes, thunder crashes, and red clouds roll in over the duel.]

Eddy: "Uh, geez, Rolf, lighten up, man."

[Shadows envelop the site of the duel.]

Edd: "Oh dear. Rolf's customs have a frighteningly high budget."

Eddy: [on his knees] "Okay, what? I'm sorry, okay, there?"

Rolf: "If this is true, have you brought the Cupcakes of Sorriness?"

[Eddy, worried, looks at his friends. Ed shrugs back at him in reply while Edd and Nat appear worried.]

Eddy: "No."

[Rolf hits him with a fish. The duel begins, Rolf smacking Eddy every which way with his fish, while Eddy just does his best to keep from toppling into the pit. One particularly violent hit has Rolf slamming his fish into Eddy's teeth.]

Edd: "Has Rolf gone insane?!"

Nat: "So gruesome!"

Ed: "C'mon, Eddy!" [Eddy gets smacked down again.]

Eddy: "Geez, Rolf, aren't you tired yet?"

[In response, Rolf metes out another devastating blow to Eddy. Kevin smiles, enjoying every moment of the slaughter.]

Kevin: "Dorky's not even putting up a fight."

Eddy: [clinging to the log] "C'mon, Rolf, I said I was–" [Rolf's fish catches the side of his face] "–sorry."

[Rolf picks up the dazed Eddy.]

Eddy: "Is it over?"

Rolf: "In a duel, two contestants must fight. Two, duel. Duel, two. Why do you not fight Rolf?"

Eddy: "Oh. Is it my turn?"

Rolf: "Hit Rolf!"

[Eddy swings his fish back to swing at his opponent. Rolf takes advantage of this by slamming his weapon into Eddy's face. This proves to be the fatal blow, shoving Eddy off the fallen tree and into the void below.]

Edd: "Eddy?"

Nat: "Eddy are you ok?"

[Eddy lands with a thud. Rolf holds up his fish in victory, and the clouds abruptly clear.]

Rolf: "The honor of Rolf's ancestors has been avenged! Thank you."

[Rolf walks off the log, and Eddy climbs out of the pit, dazed and stinking of fish.]

Kevin: "Want a copy for future dork reference?" [He chuckles.]

Ed: [picking up Eddy] "Boy, you stink like fish, Eddy."

Edd: "I'm proud of you, Eddy. You've renewed Rolf's esteem in his heritage! How 'bout I bake you those cupcakes!"

Nat: "Can I decorate them?"

Rolf: "Too late!" [normally] "Come, join Rolf with the traditional Eels of Forgiveness. Pull out your pants, Ed-boys."

Edd: [whispering] "Best do as he says, Eddy, lest we open old wounds. Curse diverse cultures."

[The Eds hold the front of their pants out and Rolf pours eels into each. Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Rolf: [pouring Ed's] "There you go." [Edd's] "Some for you." [Eddy's] "Enjoy my friends."

Eddy: "Gee, you shouldn'tve."

Edd: [tickled] "Aah aah aah! oooh."

Rolf: "Good, yes? Let me join you." [Rolf pours a bucket of eels into his pants.] "Kevin? Join us in our jubilation."

Kevin: "I'll pass, dude."

Rolf: [angry] "Son of a gun, you insult Rolf by denying the eels?"

Edd: "Ed, are you enjoying this?"

Ed: [scratching himself] "I feel weird, guys. I think I'm allergic to eels."

[Purple lumps pop out all over his skin, and his face turns remarkably fish-like. The rest of his body follows.]

Eddy: "FISH FACE!" [Eddy tries to run away, but is unable to because of his overstuffed trousers. Edd faints on sight.]

Ed: "Can somebody scratch my scales?"

Nat: "C'mon let's go get these eels out." [She picks up the Eds and walks away.]


	60. Dim Lit Ed

[Jimmy is playing in the grass. He runs forward and somersaults.]

[Edd is emptying a ladybug jar out onto the grass.]

Edd: "Be brave, fine fellow!" [The insect crawls onto a large blade of grass before Edd's eyes.] "Out of the incubator and passed on into the world. Let's try to adapt, shall we?" [He watches it eat.] "By George, he's assimilated!"

[Jimmy, still rolling, runs over the ladybug.]

Jimmy: "Whee!"

Edd: "Guyuh." [Shocked, he looks at the empty blade of grass before realizing something.] "JIMMY, STOP!"

Jimmy: [sitting up] "Hello?" [Edd pokes through his person.]

Edd: "Stay perfectly still! Somersaulting is a wild and disreputable sport, young man. Let's hope your carelessness didn't harm the innocent." [He pulls out the ladybug.] "See? You could've crushed this poor arthropod."

Jimmy: "Was that on me?"

Edd: "Jimmy, the grass conceals a microworld, home to thousands upon thousands of fascinating insects! It just hitched a ride in your hair to–"

Jimmy: [scared] "Creepy-crawly! They're all around me! They're all around me! Bugs! Sarah! Help!"

[Jimmy runs away, scared out of his mind.]

Edd: "Well, Jimmy's lack of good judgement is quite evident." [He runs into a pair of dangling legs.] "Jonny, not again!"

Jonny: [stuck in a tree] "Yup, this happens to me a lot, Double D."

Edd: "Didn't you learn from your past mistakes, Jonny? After all, it's just common sense."

Jonny: "I guess not." [He chuckles.]

Edd: "Can I help in any way?"

Jonny: "No thanks. Plank already went for help."

[Edd looks at the prone, motionless Plank, lying about two yards behind Jonny.]

Jonny: "He'll be back around a freckle past a hair."

Edd: "In-trest-ing." [He walks away.]

Edd: [walking down the sidewalk] "It may just be coincidence, but it seems good judgement is at a premium today."

[Ed bursts out of his front door, carrying a belt.]

Ed: "Snake! Snake! I got it Eddy I got it!"

Eddy: "Watch it, Ed! It might bite!"

Nat: "Guys please listen to me it's not a-"

Ed: [holding the belt over his eyes] "It has blinded me with its venom!" [He ties his face up.]

Eddy: "Pull it off, Ed!"

Ed: "It is slippery, Eddy!"

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

[Ed wrestles with it, finally throwing the belt to the ground, where it lands between Ed, Nat and Eddy.]

Eddy: "Did you see that thing lunge at us?"

Edd: "That is a belt."

Ed: "I heard it hiss, Double D."

Edd: "Impossible, Ed."

Eddy: [prodding the belt with his foot] "It ain't movin much."

Edd: "It's a belt! For crying out loud, it secures your pants!"

Nat: "That's what I've been trying to say!"

Eddy: [jiggling it] "Sure looked like a snake. Hey! I bet we could sell this thing as an exotic pet!"

Ed: "I'd buy it."

Edd: "That's it, I don't wanna hear any more!" [ranting] "The academic level of this cul-de-sac is dropping like a lead weight! If we don't provide ourselves with some sort of mental stimulation, we'll all be reduced to protoplasm!"

Nat: "Double D-"

Eddy: [ignoring Edd] "Hey Lurch, with a little paint, that football could look like an alligator."

[Edd, scared, begins to sweat.]

Edd: "You need help. You all need help!" [He runs away. Ed and Eddy look at each other and shrug.]

Nat: "Double D wait!" [she facepalms and sighs] "I should go after him."

Eddy: "Your ditching us?"

Nat: "I just want to make sure he's ok." [She runs off]

[Nat is walking down the lane]

Nat: "Double D? Double D where are you?"

[Nat sees Edd setting up a desk and chalkboard. She walks up to him.]

Nat: "Double D?"

Edd: "Nat, my beloved female companion I'm overjoyed that you came."

Nat: "You are?"

Edd: "I am. I have taken the liberty of setting up a classroom for everyone for the purpose of increasing the academic level of this cul-de-sac."

Nat: "Ok."

Edd: "And as you are the one with the most common sense I would like you to be my assistant."

Nat: "Sure Double D but."

Edd: "Yes?"

Nat: "It's just that I'm ok with this but what about everyone else?"

Edd: "I understand that there may be some with complaints but please trust me when I say this is necessary."

Nat: "Ok I trust you, I'll go get some seats."

Edd: "Thank you Nat."

[She runs off.]

[Kevin is walking down the lane.]

Rolf: "Come, Kevin."

Kevin: "Forget it, man. I don't walk with pigs."

[Rolf is walking Wilfred. Jonny's head is stuck in the pig's mouth.]

Jonny: "I can hear the ocean, Plank!"

[Wilfred starts, and the procession comes to a halt.]

Kevin: "What the heck's that supposed to be?"

Eddy: "Don't get too close! Our pet alligator might attack in the blink of an eye." [The football has become an alligator.]

Kevin: "That's no alligator."

Eddy: "What do you know? Didn't you see it move?" [The object starts to move backward. Wonderously] "It's really moving."

Ed: "Let's sing a song!"

Jimmy: [nervous] "Someone stop that monstrosity!"

Jonny: "Let's catch it and put it in a box!" [He runs after it.]

Nazz: "Hurry, Kevin!" [The kids all go after the alligator.]

Sarah: "Feed it a rock!"

Rolf: "Let Rolf wrestle the beast!"

Eddy: [pleased by this unexpected turn of events] "We're sitting on a gold mine, Ed!"

Ed: "E-I-E-I-O!"

[Nat is holding a fishing rod. She reels in the alligator as the kids arrive.]

Edd: "Attention. Your attention, thank you." [He walks behind the desk.] "Please be seated."

[The kids take their seats. Edd draws a diagram on the board of an alligator and then begins the lecture.]

Edd: "Good day, class. First lesson is how to differentiate between an alligator and a recreational toy. Nat if you please."

[Nat rips the parts off of the football, revealing it as a forgery.]

Eddy: [nervous] "He's wrecking everything, Ed!"

Edd: "Eddy." [He comes over to their seats in the back.] "Nazz, please switch seats with Ed."

[Ed gets up mopily, thinking he's being punished. Nazz comes over and takes Ed's seat, and Eddy goes silent.]

Nazz: "Hi, Eddy." [Eddy sweats.]

Edd: [resuming his teaching position] "That is just one example of the alarming decline in rational thinking that–" [A ripping sound is heard. Rolf is seen chewing some black gunk.] "Rolf!"

Rolf: "Hallo?"

Edd: [outraged] "Get rid of that gum."

Rolf: "This is no gum. It is the greasel for Papa's foot soakings."

Edd: [angry] "Now!" [to the class] "Look around you! Our break from school has turned us into lumbering, nonsensical ninnies!" [Rolf sticks the foot soakings to Plank.] "My apologies for being so blunt." [Kevin raises his hand.] "Yes, Kevin."

Kevin: "So, what you're saying is...you're a dork?" [The kids burst out laughing, though Ed has trouble understanding the joke.]

Edd: "I see a visual aid is in order. Nat?"

[Nat puts a dunce cap on Kevin. She nervously smiles and backs away.]

Kevin: [fists raised] "That's it!" [Eddy pulls the cap down below Kevin's chin. The kids laugh.]

Eddy: "What a dunce!" [Kevin slams his head into Eddy's chest, knocking him back.]

Nazz: "Boy Kevin, that was stupid."

Edd: [getting out some envelopes] "My sentiments exactly, Nazz. I've come up with a scavenger hunt to help stimulate your minds." [He gives the stack of envelopes to Nat. She hands one to everybody] "Note: each envelope contains a list of clues. Solve these clues, collect the object that relates to that clue, and earn a grand prize!"

Nazz: "What's the prize, Double D?"

Jonny: "Is it wood varnish?"

Jimmy: "Shiny tweezers?"

Sarah: "A new brother?"

Rolf: "It must be a jawbreaker."

Eddy: "Jawbreaker?"

Rolf: "Glistening with sugar like sweat on Nana's upper lip."

Edd: "Actually, Rolf, it's a–"

Rolf: "Rolf accepts the challenge!"

Jimmy: "Oh goodie, a hunt!" [The kids rush off to begin searching.]

Nazz: "Hurry up, Kevin!"

Edd: "The pursuit of wisdom and mental cultivation! This should–"

Eddy: "Cough up the jawbreaker!"

Ed: "Hello!"

Edd: "No!" [He slips out from between his friends.] "But you don't understand!" [Eddy attacks him.]

Eddy: [gleefully] "But where'd you stash it, Double D? Where?" [Ed jumps on them.]

Ed: "I am back!" [He puts Eddy in a headlock.] "Say 'toy boat' three times really fast."

Edd: [strangled] "In order to receive the prize you'll need to win the hunt."

Ed: "Toy boat, toy boat, toy–" [Eddy punches him.]

Edd: [waving a sheet of paper] "Read the clues, Eddy." [Eddy snatches the paper.]

Eddy: [cynical] "Clue Number 1: When I grow up, I want to be a tree." [He pauses.] "This is so stupid!"

Edd: "Absorb the clue, Eddy. I want to be a tree?"

[Eddy sweats cluelessly. Ed looks at the clue.]

Nat: "I know what it is it's an-"

Ed: "Ooh! I know, I know!" [He runs away.]

Eddy: "You show em, Monobrow!" [to Edd] "Ha! Too. Easy."

Ed: "I win!" [He places a slice of melon on the ground.] "Jawbreaker, please."

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Edd: "Ed, why would a watermelon want to be a tree?"

Ed and Eddy: "Jawbreaker please!"

Edd: "You're not even close!" [He walks over to a tree.] "A tree." [He plucks an acorn from a branch.] "Oh, look! An acorn!" [pretending to converse with the acorn] "Wait, yes? Uh-huh? Okay, I'll tell them." [to his friends] "I'm a little acorn, and when I grow up, I want to be A TREE!" [switching between gentle and harsh] "Acorn–BECOMES A TREE! Acorn–BECOMES TREE! Acorn–TREE!"

Eddy: [during Edd's last sentence] "This is gonna take–"

Sarah: "...forever, Jimmy." [She and Jimmy are in the park, hunting for answers.] "This is stupid!"

Jimmy: "Oh don't say that, Sarah. Jonny's already ahead of us, see?" [Jonny is indeed carrying a stuffed bag.]

Jonny: [picking up a can] "Yup, it's a tin can all right. Boy, Plank, you're a brainiac!" [He stuffs it in the bag.]

Sarah: [grabbing Jonny] "What's the answer to the first clue?"

Jonny: [scratching his head] "Beats me. Plank and I thought we'd just collect stuff. Like this paper!"

[Jonny takes the paper and begins to walk away.]

Sarah: "Hey! Give that back!" [She begins to chase Jonny. Meanwhile, Nazz is putting acorns in a sack.]

Kevin: "Nazz, this is so stupid."

Nazz: "You're not even trying, Kevin. Don't you want to win that jawbreaker?"

Kevin: "What for? I got a whole garage full of jawbreakers, remember?"

[Nazz looks at the clue sheet, suddenly realizing how futile the whole exercise is.]

Nazz: "This is stupid."

[Kevin and Nazz race out of the park. Jimmy cries alone.]

Rolf: "Why do you cry, feeble one? You must shed tears of joy, as Rolf is victor of this scavenger hunt."

[Rolf's bag is completely filled. Jimmy looks inside, and two beets roll out.]

Jimmy: "This bag is full of beets." [He picks up a beet.] "What clue is beets?"

Rolf: "Know nothing! The humble beet is the answer to all riddles." [He puts his beets back.] "You bore Rolf! Rolf must claim his prize!" [He runs towards the lane.]

Jimmy: "Sarah! Rolf is cheating!"

Ed: "Pink belly!" [He slaps Edd's belly.] "Pink belly!" [Edd's stomach is slapped again.] "Pink belly!"

Edd: "Ed, please!" [He gets hit again.] "Stop it, Ed!"

Eddy: "You know how to make Ed stop, Double D. Tell us where ya hid the jawbreaker!"

Edd: "I can't do that, Eddy. I'd be denying you both an opportunity to learn."

Eddy: "Ed?"

Nat: "No Ed! Please don't!"

Eddy: "Ok then Nat you tell us."

Nat: "I-I don't know!"

Eddy: [sing song] "Ed?"

Ed: "Pink belly!" [slap] "Pink belly!" [slap] "Pink belly!"

Nat: "THERE IS NO JAWBREAKER!"

[Ed drops Edd. Nat goes to help him. Rolf enters the lane.]

Rolf: "No jawbreaker? Swindlers! You promised Rolf the jawbreaker!"

Edd: "No, Rolf. If you recall, I did not use the word 'jawbreaker'."

Sarah: "RIP-OFF ARTIST!"

Jimmy: "Ooh you're gonna pay."

Edd: "Now now, I assure you, there is a prize. Something far more valuable than a jawbreaker." [The kids perk up.] "Are you ready? The reward of higher learning!" [He pulls out a valueless diploma.] "This diploma will–" [A beet smacks him in the head.]

Sarah: "Nice shot, Rolf." [She hands Rolf another beet. Jonny arrives, bruised and battered.]

Jonny: "Are we too late for the prize?"

Sarah: "Nope! One moment, please." [She pours the contents of the bag out over Edd.] "Break it up, boys."

Edd: "There's a lesson to be–" [a tin can hits him in the face] "–learned here, gentlemen."

Eddy: [picking up a sprinkler] "Check it out, Ed! This looks just like an iguana!"

Nat: [helping Edd up] "I'm sorry this didn't work out Double D."

Edd: "You are not to blame Nat."

[The Eds and Nat are running an exotic pet stand. Kevin picks up the redecorated sprinkler.]

Kevin: "Is this thing supposed to be dead?"

Eddy: "The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just–uh–" [He elbows Edd, waiting for an explanation.]

Edd: "Sleeping like a baby, Kevin."

Nat: "That'll be twenty-five cents."

Jonny: "Sold!" [He slaps down a quarter and carries the iguana away.]

Edd: "Besides Nat, I'm surrounded by idiots."

Eddy: [indifferent] "Who's complaining?"

[Further down the driveway, Ed is acting as a snake charmer. He uses the belt as a snake and his toes to manipulate the false snake for an enraptured audience consisting of Rolf.]

Rolf: [amazed] "Oh! Oh! I see it, but Rolf cannot believe it! Oooh! Oh!"


	61. Will Work for Ed

[The show opens with a shot of the candy store. We see that it is having a three-for-one sale on jawbreakers. Outside the plate-glass window, the Eds and Nat stare in unhappily.]

Eddy: "This stinks."

Ed: "Aaaaw!" [His mouth is pressed to the glass, the perfect expression of longing.]

Eddy: "A jawbreaker sale and we're flat broke! Wiped out! In the red!"

Ed: "Ouch."

[The store's bell rings and out walks Kevin, carrying three jawbreakers.]

Eddy: "Oh, uh, hiya, Kev." [He points to the sky.] "HOLY COW! Is that Nazz skydiving in a bikini?"

Kevin: [looking up] "No way! Where?" [Eddy ducks down, and the sound of zippers is heard.] "Yeah right. I'm on to ya, dork."

Eddy: [wearing Kevin's pants] "Boy, I guess I just need glasses or something." [Kevin walks away, wearing Eddy's pants.] "He didn't even know what hit him." [Eddy raises the jawbreaker to his mouth.] "What a chump. What a–" [Kevin appears behind Eddy and hits him with a jawbreaker, knocking Eddy skyward. The stolen pants and jawbreaker fall to Kevin.]

Kevin: "Oops. Pardon my reach."

[Eddy sails above the store and lands on a road. He skids to a stop between a sewer and a lamppost.]

Rolf: "Ah, may I borrow your rump?" [Rolf drops some papers on it and nails one to the lamppost.] "Yes, thank you."

Eddy: [somewhat dazed] "Hiya, Rolfy boy. Got any loose change?"

Rolf: "Not in this life, Ed-boy." [He walks away, leaving one of the sheets on Eddy's butt.]

Edd: "I found Eddy, Nat and Ed."

Nat: "Are you ok Eddy?"

Ed: [approaching Eddy] "Why is Eddy wearing a diaper, Double D?"

Edd: "Well Ed, a diaper would be worthy of Eddy's character. But this posterior posting is a job placement. Seems Rolf's looking for a hired hand."

Ed: "Rolf lost his hand? Boy, that is sad, Double D."

Edd: "No, Ed. Rolf needs to hire someone. With pay."

Eddy: [interested] "Pay?"

Ed: "Maybe if Rolf wore a glove no one would notice."

Eddy: [getting up] "Money?" [He runs after Rolf.]

[Rolf is about to put up another poster when Eddy rushes over.]

Eddy: "Reporting for duty and ready for work, Rolf! So uh, what kinda income we talking about?"

Rolf: "Poppycock! Rolf requires one with the backbone of a yak! This is no job for a jellyfish like yourself!"

Eddy: "Yeah right! I don't work, but he does." [He turns Rolf's head towards Ed, who puts his shoes on his ears.]

Ed: "Polly wanna cracker! Arf, arf, arf! Tweet tweet tweet!"

Eddy: "Your new employee, Rolf. So, what's the job pay?"

Rolf: [knocking Eddy away] "Rolf must interview this job-seeker!"

Ed: "Arf arf–" [Rolf inspects his gums. Rolf then moves on to Ed's feet, which he tests with apples.]

Rolf: "Two in five seeds. Very good, yes?"

Eddy: "Very good, yes!"

Rolf: "You may work for Rolf, lacking a lower jaw Ed-boy."

Edd: "Congratulations, Ed!"

Nat: "I'm proud of you Ed!"

Rolf: "Have him report to Rolf in one hour."

[Eddy laughs giddily. Nat hugs Ed. Edd pats Ed's head and joins in. Soon, Ed begins to laugh happily as well.]

[Edd is fixing Ed breakfast. Eddy paces hungrily.]

Eddy: "Jawbreaker sale, here we come."

Edd: "Nothing like a bowl of organically harvested oatmeal to start your day, Ed." [He places a bowl in front of Ed. Ed tries it as Edd lectures.] "Think of it! Responsibility. That's a sign of growing up, you know. A key to enter our social structure." [Ed tastes something he doesn't like.] "A tip of the hat. No, a flag waved to the world proclaiming, look at me, citizens! My name is Ed, working man! I like that. [Nat secretly sprinkles sugar on the oatmeal. She smiles and signals Ed to not say anything.] Why, if it wasn't for the working class, we'd still be living in caves!" [Ed tries it again and quickly eats the rest of the oatmeal.] "Now, I've taken the liberty to pack you a lunch. But no more than an hour, understand?" [Ed takes the lunchbox.] "Punctuality shows you're a real go-getter. Be courteous, and tackle each task to the best of your ability. Watch your posture, and use soap when you wash your hands." [Ed leaves.]

Eddy: "Hey, and find out how much you're making, willya?"

Nat: "Have a good time Ed!"

Ed: "Bye dear!"

Edd: "He's on his own now, Nat and Eddy. Ready to carve his niche in this dog-eat-dog world we call home."

[Ed walks to a car parked in the driveway and gets in. He starts the engine, and Eddy laughs. Edd and Nat are scared.]

Nat: "Ed, no!"

Edd: "You're too young to drive!" [They run toward Ed.]

[Ed walks up to Rolf's door. Just before he reaches it, he trips. Instead of getting up, Ed lies on the pavement.]

Ed: "Ding dong." [Victor is heard bleating.] "Ding dong." [Victor bleats again.] "Ding dong." [Rolf opens the door.] "I brought my lunch, boss."

Rolf: "You are here to fill the position of nincompoop, yes? No?"

Ed: "That's me."

Rolf: "Then why don't you use..." [points to a hole in the fence] "...The Nincompoop Entrance?"

Ed: [breaking through the fence] "Okey-dokey!"

Rolf: [in the backyard] "Greetings, nincompoop! Welcome to Rolf's." [He stares at Ed quizzically.] "No need for this." [He tears off Ed's tie.] "Or this." [He ruffles Ed's combed hair. Edd, Nat and Eddy observe this from the fence, Eddy laughing at this.] "Oh and this must go. Say bye-bye to this. And let us add a little color." [He throws some mud on Ed's undershirt and gives him some work boots.] "The safety apparatus shall be deducted from your pay."

Eddy: [peeks out from the tree outraged] "Deducted?"

Rolf: "Yes, deducted! Are you going to cry, nincompoop?"

Ed: "No way, they're cool."

Rolf: "Good. Follow Rolf."

[Ed struggles to put on his shoes. When he does get them on, he starts walking backwards. It seems that Ed has put his boots on backwards. Edd leans out of a tree in which he, Nat and Eddy are hiding and turns Ed around. Eddy then hops down.]

Eddy: "What a cheapskate! He ain't deducting nothing." [He goes to talk to Rolf.]

Edd: "Eddy, let Ed learn from his mistakes."

Nat: "Didn't you dress him that way?"

Eddy: "Forget it! Rolf's trying to rip me off. I want my money!"

[Eddy runs off. Edd ties himself to a tree as part of a scheme he's just hatched.]

[Rolf and Ed are in the shed.]

Rolf: "Behold the potato! Bow to this fruit of the earth, then peel it! As if it were the last task of your miserable life!"

[Ed tries to peel it using his thumbs and gets nowhere. Rolf slaps him silly.]

Rolf: "Nincompoop! Must I hold your hand?"

Ed: "Nope. Went before we got here, boss."

Rolf: "The proper tool must be used to peel the honorable spud, nincompoop." [He takes a potato peeler from a box of tools.] "A rental fee shall be deducted from your pay."

Eddy: [held back by Edd and Nat] "What?"

Edd: "Oh dear." [The rope snaps back, sending Eddy and Nat sailing into the tree and Edd against it.]

[The peeler lands next to Ed. Ed tries to peel the potato, but cannot get a grip. Rolf watches Ed's every move.]

Rolf: "TODAY, nincompoop, TODAY!"

[Ed manages to get a small peeling off of the potato.]

Ed: "Not bad, huh boss?"

[Rolf picks up the potato skin and looks at it.]

Rolf: [irate] "Nincompoop! The waste from this peel could feed an entire village for a week!" [He flicks it at Ed.] "Pay deduction."

Eddy: "WHAT?!?"

[Rolf, hearing this, looks outside. Seeing nobody, he steps back into the shed.]

Rolf: "Peel every potato, nincompoop, before Rolf returns, or, you're fired!" [He slams the shed door.]

Ed: "I'm on it, boss!" [He sets to work.]

[The door creaks open, and Edd, Nat and Eddy enter.]

Nat: "Hi Ed!"

Eddy: "Ed, get paid yet?"

Edd: "Eddy, we're interrupting Ed's work!"

Ed: "Hiya, kids! Say, you guys catch that show last night about the world's biggest toenails guy? Now that's the life, huh?"

Eddy: "Hey Lumpy, you got enough potatoes there to feed a–"

Ed: "Village? Got that right. Peel every one before boss gets back or I get fired."

Eddy: [alarmed] "Fired? Nat, Double D, we have to help Ed finish peeling those potatoes. [closes the shed door as they come in] Before that slave-driver shows up."

Edd: "Well uh, I'd hate to see Ed's resume blemished by a dismissal." [He fishes a hairpin from his hat and winds it into an L. Edd places it around his finger, takes a potato, and peels off the skin.] "Voilà. Neat, trim, and ready for the compost heap."

Eddy: "That's real pretty, Double D, but we only got ten zillion more to peel!"

Ed: "Fruit of the Earth!"

Nat: "How about this? [she removes her headband, takes a potato, and peels off the skin.]

Edd: "How is that possible?"

Nat: "Cartoon logic."

Eddy: "Come on!" [He grabs Edd's hand.] "What's with this thing? A hairpin?"

Ed: [peeling a potato] "Yep. Seen better heads on a potato, Double D."

Edd: "Oh, really?"

[Rolf opens the shed door and enters.]

Rolf: "The time of reckoning has come, nin...com...poop?"

[Rolf stops. In front of him is a contraption which washes, peels, and slices the potatoes, turning them into french fries ready for the fryer.]

Ed: "Just four more, boss!" [He adds three potatoes into the traffic cone. The potatoes pop onto the big tire while the peels come out of the funnel. The watering can cleans the potatoes as they are led to a fan that blows them to the next step.]

Nat: "It's awesome!"

Edd: "Do you like it, Rolf? I think it's crackerjack, if I do say so myself."

Rolf: [angry] "Have you stripped the thread of a screw? No visitors! Pay deduction for you!"

Eddy: [holding a tennis racket that slices the potatoes] "Hey, will you quit doing that!? [shows the wheelbarrow full of fries] Check out what a great job we did. Julienned and ready to fry."

Rolf: [drops the notepad and pencil and lunges towards the fries] "THIS CANNOT BE! [picks up a fry] The spud has been shamed."

Ed: "Yo, boss! Am I a nincompoop or what?"

Rolf: [pointing to the fry] "I deduct this from your pay!"

Eddy: "You can't do that!"

Rolf: "Rolf is boss. Rolf makes the rules. Nincompoop, present yourself!"

Eddy: [grabbing Ed] "Ed, stop! You stay right here."

Rolf: [grabs Ed by the ear and pulls him away] "Nincompoop, obey Rolf."

Eddy: [holding Ed back] "Who you gonna listen to, Ed?"

Rolf: "He will listen to Rolf, or no pay for nincompoop!"

[Eddy, steamed, lets Rolf carry Ed out of the shed.]

Ed: "Tell me a story, boss."

[Eddy is marching in front of Rolf's house. He has formed a one-man picket line. Apparently Ed is on strike.]

Eddy: [chanting] "Rolf's a jerk. Ain't gonna work. Rolf's a jerk. Ain't gonna work. Rolf's a jerk."

Jonny: "We hate broccoli!"

[Eddy stares at Jonny quizzically, then resumes his picketing.]

Eddy: "Ain't gonna work!"

Edd: "This is so embarrassing."

Kevin: "I'm gonna ask Rolf what's up." [He tries to cross the picket line and is tackled by Eddy.]

Eddy: "Hey! You can't cross the picket line!" [Kevin rolls him over.]

Kevin: "Says who?"

Nat: "Kevin according to the Workers' Rights Act, Subsection E, Paraphrase IV, Eddy is entitled to express formal protest as to wherefore must be totally respected." [Edd, Kevin, and Eddy stare at her, stunned.] "I read a lot of books."

Kevin: "Dorks." [He leaves.]

Edd: "Really, Eddy. Labor disputes like yours and Rolf's require a mediator. A referee, if you will."

Eddy: [pushing Edd to the house] "Go blow your whistle, Mr. Referee! I got a nuisance to make outta myself."

Edd: "He's so stubborn."

Nat: "I agree."

[Edd goes to knock on the door. Rolf opens the door right as he's about to knock, and Edd barely avoids punching Rolf in the face.]

Edd: "Oh, hello, Rolf!"

Eddy: "Rolf's a jerk! Ain't–" [Edd and Nat enter.] "Rolf's letting them in!"

[Eddy sneaks over to the window. Inside, it seems as if the dispute is not going well.]

Rolf: "You have broken the trust of the son of a shepherd!"

Edd: "This has gone on far enough."

[Although Eddy cannot make out most of the words at this point, it is obvious that Rolf is angry. Edd will say something calmly, Nat does as well. Rolf's response will be angry. Edd will then reply in a calm tone along with Nat. Rolf will, again, be angry. Eddy presses his ear to the glass.]

Edd: "As we were saying–"

Rolf: "Did you catch my drift?"

Nat: "You see our point."

Rolf: "Vey sheshor!"

Ed: "Eggs eggs eggs eggs."

[The four exit the house.]

Rolf: "Rolf agrees. This agreement is very agreeable, yes? No hard feelings, eh, nincompoop?"

[Rolf gives Ed a jawbreaker.]

Rolf: "One for you band-on-hair Nat-girl." [Nat gets one.]

Nat: "Thank you Rolf!"

Rolf: "And one for you, head-in-sock Ed-boy." [Edd gets one as well.]

Edd: "Why thank you, but I can't. Why, I'd feel much better if I had earned it."

Rolf: "The more the merrier!" [Eddy runs up and knocks his friends away.]

Eddy: "Stretch! Forget me?"

Rolf: [sighing] "You want, yes?"

Eddy: "I'd do anything for it, Rolf."

[Rolf, carrying a goat, walks up to Ed, who is now in a managerial position.]

Rolf: "Tell me the progress of the laborers, turkey eyes."

Ed: "Well, yep. Let's see here, boss." [He looks at his clipboard.] "This guy and girl I got no problems with." [He points to Edd and Nat, who turns and salutes. They have finished cleaning a chicken coop, and the coop sparkles.]

Edd and Nat: "Double D and Nat, waiting for orders, turkey eyes, sir."

Ed: "But then there's the sad sack, boss." [He points to Eddy, who hasn't even started on his coop.] "A real slowpoke. Trouble with a capital R."

[Eddy kicks the coop and a hen flies out. It starts to chase him.]

Eddy: "Help! I hate chickens!"

Rolf and Ed: "Hey, nincompoop!" [They smile at each other.]

Rolf: "You've learned well, turkey eyes." [He walks away.]

Eddy: "Stop the chicken, Ed!"

Ed: "Nincompoop! I'm deducting your pay 'cause you're a nincompoop! Pretty good, huh Nat and Double D?"


	62. Ed, Ed and Away

[Kevin rides by on his bike. Eddy watches happily.]

Eddy: "What a pathetic set of wheels."

[Kevin screeches to a halt.]

Kevin: "They'd look pretty good shoved up your nose!"

[He is suddenly carried backwards by Ed. Eddy follows.]

Eddy: "No need to be displeased, we've got all your needs at Krazy Ed'z Kustom Hot Bikes." [shoving Kevin in] "Yeah yeah, I know what you're saying. How can I afford a Kustom Hot Bike, Krazy Eddy? That's me, Krazy Eddy. But wait till you see this beaut! Show him the Big Daddy Cruiser, Krazy Ed! That's him, Krazy Ed." [Ed whips the sheet off of a giant superbike.]

Ed: "Ta-da!"

Kevin: [eyes wide] "Awesome! Check out these rad spokes!" [The spokes are really kitchenware.]

Eddy: "Yep, and at no extra cost."

Edd: "Eddy, don't you–"

Eddy: "Hey, do you mind? We got a customer here!"

Kevin: "These tires are choice."

Eddy: "You got an eye for quality my friend. Why don't you take her for a spin Kev, while Krazy Double D–that's this guy, Krazy Double D–gets the boring paperwork ready. Get it?"

Edd: "No."

[Kevin peels out on the bike.]

Kevin: "Out of my way!"

Eddy: "Kevin plus sucker equals cash for Eddy."

Kevin: [doing stunts] "This is so cool! Awesome!"

Edd: "He can't do that Eddy! You said he wouldn't do that! You said build a bike that looked good, and that's it! That's all!"

Eddy: "Looking good is what it's all about, Double D. You just lie about the other stuff."

Nat: "Oh no."

[Kevin is happily riding along when one of the wheels come off. The other rear wheel is quick to follow, and Kevin goes into an ungraceful slide down the street, skidding on his back and scattering parts everywhere.]

Ed: "Come again!"

[Kevin runs into a mailbox.]

Eddy: "Hey Kev, what'd I tell ya. Is it hot or what?" [Kevin throws a pedal at him.]

Kevin: "I'll get you dork! After I find some ointment." [He walks away, his back totally torn up.] "Ouch."

Eddy: "What's with him? I did everything my dad does. How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie."

Edd: "Well it certainly couldn't be that we manufactured the bike from HAND ME DOWN KITCHENWARE! Ten hours of hard work! And for what?"

Ed: "To fleece the masses!"

Eddy: "Check's in the mail, Ed."

Edd: [ranting] "It's the same thing, day in and day out! It's so monotonous! A pipe dream at best!"

Nat: "I'm sorry Double D."

Ed: "You are not alone, my friend. I dream of pipes too."

Eddy: "Boy, Ed, who'da thought?"

Ed: [pointing skywards] "Look, a balloon!"

[Drifting lazily in the sky is a large red balloon, floating on the breeze.]

Nat: "Look at it go."

Edd: "Aw, someone must have accidentally set it free."

Ed: "It is an alien probe from outer space!"

Eddy: "It's headed for that tree! Aw, man, it's gonna pop! C'mon branches, do your stuff! Pop it, pop it...that's it, that's it! Aw, stupid tree."

Edd: "There's something symbolic about an abandoned balloon. Boundless, devoid of direction, nudged by a gentle breeze into the unknown."

Ed: [running after it] "Let's capture it!"

Eddy: [following] "And pop it!"

Edd: [bringing up the rear] "You two mind your p's and q's now."

Nat: "Right behind you."

[The balloon drifts down the lane, the Eds and Nat following it at a breakneck pace. Eddy comes close but rams into a fence at the end of the path.]

Eddy: [dazed] "Hello! Hey, it's a dead end."

Edd: "Drats! We'll have to go around."

Eddy: "Let's get a slingshot."

[The Eds and Nat head the other way. Edd is sweaty and tired from the short run.]

Edd: "Oh, I'm exhausted! My genetic makeup has thrown in the towel! I'm filthy with sweat! Bath, I need a bath!" [He realizes that Nat is carrying him on her shoulders with Ed on the bottom.] "Why thank you, Nat!"

Ed: "It's getting away!" [He stoops over to place Eddy on top of Edd's shoulders, creating a tower.]

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed! C'mere, you little–"

Edd: "Don't you hurt it, Eddy!"

Eddy: "What? All I'm gonna do is pop it!" [He laughs evilly. Suddenly, Ed trips on his untied shoelaces.]

Ed: "Uh oh!"

[The tower flips, and it's all Eddy can do to run on his hands. Unfortunately, Eddy can't control their direction, so the tower of Eds and Nat run headlong into a tree.]

[The balloon drifts over Rolf's farm. Rolf is busily cleaning his cow. The Eds and Nat enter, chasing it.]

Eddy: "Pop the balloon!"

Edd: "Onward, brave latex composite!"

[The Eds and Nat run into a chicken.]

Ed: "Chicken!"

[The Eds and Nat hit a pig.]

Ed: "Pig."

[The Eds and Nat run into the cow that Rolf is washing. It stops them in their tracks.]

Ed: "Cow."

[The cow slowly tips over onto Rolf.]

Rolf: "Mama! A bandage for Rolf!"

Eddy: [restarting the hunt] "Hurry up, it's getting away!"

Edd: "Excuse me, Rolf."

Ed: "What'd ya do, Double D?"

[Nat stops to help Rolf up then follows the Eds]

Rolf: [in pain] "Never again will Rolf store house keys in his trouser pockets."

[The balloon drifts into the lane and out of view.]

Eddy: "Where'd it go? I lost it! You guys and girl see it?"

Nat: "No Eddy."

Ed: "What's it look like, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed."

[Edd begins to wheeze.]

Eddy: "Boy, Double D, you're such a jock."

[Edd stops and pours himself a glass of water. He gives some to Nat. They drink it down and then run off. Ed follows.]

[Eddy looks over fences, trying to glimpse the balloon.]

Eddy: "Stupid balloon!" [It drifts by right over his head.] "I found it!"

[The balloon leads him into the playground and up a slide.]

Eddy: "Come on baby, come on."

[Eddy comes to the end of the platform and goes down the top of a tube slide. Ed pops out the end.]

Ed: "Look at it probe."

Edd: "I got it, Ed." [He slowly climbs onto the monkey bars. The balloon drifts past.] "I got it. I got it." [He stands up and hits his head on a bar. Edd falls to the ground.]

Eddy: "Oh no you don't!" [He jumps on a swing and grabs it.] "Gotcha! Ha ha ha!" [The swing falls away, and he plunges to earth. The force of the impact makes him let go of the balloon.]

[Nat goes on the other swing to try and grab the balloon but she misses.]

Ed: "Ooga booga booga!"

Edd: [using a makeshift butterfly net] "Wait, don't go! We have so much in common!" [Ed pounces on top of Edd and uses his breath to propel the balloon away from capture.]

Edd: "What are you doing!?!?"

Ed: "Look at it float, Double D! Float, balloon, float!"

Edd: "Heavens, Ed, what's that devouring your leg?"

Ed: "It's a bag!" [Edd's net is caught on his foot.] "Get it off! Get it off!"

[Edd chuckles as Ed tries to shake the perfectly harmless pillowcase off.]

Eddy: "Good one, Sockhead. But the balloon's toast!" [He follows it.] "Let's go, boys and girl!"

Edd: "Don't you dare, Eddy!"

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Ed: "Release me, mutant bag! Have pity!" [Ed has somehow managed to get the bag stuck on his head.]

[Kevin watches the Eds and Nat run by and laughs evilly.]

[Jonny and Plank are on a pretend plane with several stuffed animals, being tended to by Jimmy and Sarah.]

Jonny: "I got three nuts in one shell, Plank."

Jimmy: "Good day, sir. Oh, a violation. Please fasten your seatbelts or I'll have to throw you off the plane."

Sarah: [as pilot] "Welcome aboard Sarah and Jimmy's airlines, passengers. Just in case, the emergency exits are located by my dolly, and the other one by Jimmy's bunny. After all, we might explode into a zillion tiny pieces! Wouldn't that be something? He he he! Anyways, for the drop back to Earth, please place our neato oxygen masks firmly over your face. Show 'em, Jimmy!"

Eddy: [interrupting] "C'mon! It's getting away!"

[Edd, exhausted, collapses into a chair. Nat sits on the chair next to him. Ed and Eddy fight over the balloon.]

Eddy: "Mine!"

Ed: "No, mine!"

Eddy: "It's mine Ed!"

Ed: "No, it's yours Eddy!"

Eddy: "That's what I said, it's mine!"

Ed: "Forget it, it's yours."

Eddy: "You idiot, just grab it! Get it! Get it!"

[The dueling Eds have destroyed much of the plane.]

Jimmy: "Everyone stay calm! Don't panic!"

Sarah: "Ed! Get off my plane! Or I'm telling Mom about your dresser drawer."

Ed: "But Sarah, we just want the balloon."

Sarah: "Get lost!"

Edd: [holding out his magazine] "Um, excuse me, Sarah, would you have a more current issue?"

Jimmy: "Hey, you're trespassing! This is my backyard, and if you don't leave–"

Ed: [running past Jimmy] "Balloon!"

Eddy: "Oh, you're so popped."

Ed: "Hurry guys!" [He runs through the house.]

Eddy: "Go, baby, go!"

Jimmy: "My house!" [The sound of a call button interrupts him.]

Jonny: "Plank needs more nuts."

[The Eds and Nat exit and stare at the high-flying balloon.]

Eddy: "Man, look how high it is!"

Nat: "We can't reach it!"

Edd: "We'd have to sprout wings to retrieve it from that height."

Ed: "Fly Double D, fly!" [He tosses Edd skywards.]

Nazz: [walking up] "Hey guys, what's up?"

Ed: "Fly Nazz, fly!" [He throws the unsuspecting girl at the balloon.]

Eddy: "She didn't even make a grab for it!"

Ed: "Your turn, Eddy."

Eddy: "Get away from me, Ed!" [He backs up, but Ed grabs Eddy's loop and pulls it.] "Why I oughta–" [His hairs suddenly start to whirl like helicopter blades.]

Ed: "Balloon, mister!" [He lets go of Eddy, and Eddy floats up to the balloon's level.]

Eddy: "This better not mess up my hair, Ed." [He hovers by the balloon.] "Hello, balloon. Come to papa!" [The toy hovers just out of reach.] "What the? Why you little!"

Edd: "Remind me to ask you how you did that, Ed."

Nat: "Agreed."

Eddy: "C'mere, you sack of hot air!" [He continues to fail to grab it.]

[On the plane, Jimmy is wheeling a baby carriage down the aisle.]

Jimmy: "Pardon me, sir, we have your lunch." [On Jonny's tray is set a plate with three beans and a dab of butter.]

Jonny: "That's lunch?"

[Jimmy sets a steaming lobster dinner in front of Plank.]

Plank:

Jonny: "Whaddya mean you special ordered?" [He looks back at his tray in disgust.]

[In the sky, Eddy clamps onto the balloon with his shoes.]

Eddy: "Ha! I'm too smart for you, balloon! Ha ha ha! Hey guys, check it out!"

[Eddy holds up the balloon, and the hairs hit his arm and tangle around it. Eddy starts to fall.]

Eddy: "MAYDAY, MAYDAY!"

Jimmy: [serving a stuffed rabbit] "Here's your lunch, Mr. Bunny."

[Eddy lands on top of Jimmy. The balloon floats off once again.]

Sarah: "Eddy, you, idiot! I've had it with you guys interrupting our flight!"

Ed: "Aw, come on, Sarah. Look at the pretty balloon!"

Edd: "A blessing in disguise, don't you think?"

[Sarah snatches the lazily drifting balloon out of the air.]

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy, let's play."

Jimmy: "Oh goodie, revenge!"

Eddy: "How'd she do that?" [He and his friends give chase.] "Get back here with my balloon!"

Jonny: "Looks like we get to fly the plane, huh Plank?"

Sarah: "Pop it, Jimmy, before they show up!"

Jimmy: [attempting to pop the balloon by sitting on it] "My tushy's too small, Sarah!"

[The Eds and Nat rush into the street and are greeted with the sight of Sarah and Jimmy trying to hug it to death.]

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy, squeeze harder!"

Jimmy: "I'm trying, get off my back!"

Eddy: "Let go of that balloon, it's mine!"

Sarah: "Let's bite it, Jimmy!" [She and Jimmy plunge their chompers into the red rubber flesh.]

Edd: "It's only a matter of time before our lone wanderer's pliablilty becomes an issue, Eddy."

Jimmy: [to Sarah] "You go, girl!"

Eddy: "I wanna pop it!" [He tackles Sarah and Jimmy.]

Edd: "Farewell, brave nomad. I knew ye well."

Eddy: [fighting] "Gimme it, Sarah!"

Sarah: [deftly keeping it away] "Gimme gimme never gets!"

Jimmy: "You leave Sarah alone!"

Eddy: "Gimme it!"

Sarah: "No!"

Eddy: [muffled, with Sarah's hand on his face] "Gimme it, you spoiled brat!" [He places his hand on top of Sarah's head and grabs the balloon.] "Bingo."

[Suddenly, the balloon pops for no apparent reason.]

Sarah: "Serves you right." [She and Jimmy walk off laughing. Eddy screams.]

Edd: "There. Are you happy now, Eddy?"

Eddy: "No. I wanted to pop it!" [He throws the rubber down.] "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Ed: [despondent] "Float, little friend, float!"

Nat: "It's broken Ed."

Edd: "Chin up, fellows." [As he speaks, a balloon is inflated from behind a bush.] "Let's just remember the joy it brought to us." [Kevin pulls the full balloon from the helium container.] "How much closer we are as friends for knowing it."

Kevin: [tying a string onto the new balloon as Eddy wails] "No need to be displeased, I've got all your needs at Krazy Kev's." [He flicks the balloon away.] "Oops. There goes another one."

[The balloon floats into the sky, and Ed notices it.]

Ed: "Look, a balloon!"

Eddy: "I see it! I see it! And it's all ours! Quick! Get it! Pop it! Pop it!"

[Nat jumps up and grabs it]

Nat: "Your welcome."


	63. X Marks the Ed

[It is a peaceful day on the water as the sun shines down on it. Suddenly, a doll plops down into the water, a rope tied around its neck. The Eds and Nat are relaxing in a boat, fishing in Ed's pond for who-knows-what.]

Eddy: "This is the life, huh boys and girl? We catch us some fish, sell 'em to a fish buyer guy, he hands over a big wad of cash, and bingo. We're rich."

Ed: "Got any eights?"

Edd: "I hardly think we'll be catching anything in Ed's backyard pond, Eddy."

Nat: "You never know."

[Something bites Ed's line.]

Ed: "Ooh. FISH! FISH!" [He heaves at the rod, trying to pull the fish in.]

Eddy: "It's mine! Reel it in, Ed!"

Ed: "It's a fighter, Eddy!"

Edd: "Oh please. No creature could survive in this pond."

Ed: "If it's not of this world it's mine!"

[Ed and Eddy continue to heave until it rises out of the water. At that point, Eddy steps back, scared.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "What is that?!?"

[Ed has pulled out something that looks like a fish but is made entirely of various meats.]

Ed: [dancing in the boat] "Oh goodie goodie! It's my freezer experiment! I wondered where Sarah hid it. Welp, that's a keeper." [He tries to swing the experiment into the boat.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "NO, ED!!!"

[The giant fish thing swings around against the side of the boat. It hits with enough force to knock the boat upside down, sending the Eds and Nat flying out of the water.]

Ed: "Who brought the tarter sauce?"

Eddy: "Ed!" [He leaps on his friend.] "How are we supposed to get ahead in life if you keep WRECKING EVERYTHING?" [His hat falls off, and Ed stares.] "What're you lookin at?" [Ed pokes the top of Eddy's head.] "Get your finger off my head, Ed."

Ed: [taking Eddy to the pond] "I spy with my little eye." [We look at Eddy's reflection and see a red bump popping up under one of his hairs.] "Something that is red."

Eddy: "What's that?"

Ed: "I seen this before, Eddy! I forget where." [He licks his jacket sleeve.] "Let's rub it!"

Nat: "I don't think you should-"

[Ed proceeds to rub the wet sleeve back and forth on Eddy's head. When he puts Eddy down, the top of his head is flattened and blurred, although the bump and his three hairs still stick up.]

Ed: "There you go."

Edd: [cleaning Eddy up] "Really, Ed, that's so unsanitary. May I have a look?" [He uses a magnifying glass to examine the bump.] "Why Eddy, it's nothing more than a pimple." [Eddy looks scared.] "Congratulations! It seems puberty has opened your door to adulthood!"

Eddy: "I'M TOO HANDSOME TO HAVE ZITS, DOUBLE D!" [He uses Edd to cover the blemish.] "What if somebody sees me?"

Edd: "Oh please, Eddy. Pimples are a natural phase of growing up, as normal as Mother's charcoal filter shoe inserts."

Nat: "It's really not that bad Eddy."

Ed: "Oh, I make a game out of mine, Eddy. 'Cause I'm productive. You can play connect-the-dots."

[Ed lifts the back of his jacket and shirt to reveal that he does indeed have bacne.]

Ed: "See? It's a boat."

Jonny: "Okay, I'm watchin, Plank!"

Ed: "Hey Jonny, come and look at Eddy!" [He runs to fetch Jonny.]

Eddy: "Aah!" [He runs away.]

Nat: "Eddy?"

Edd: "Ed?"

[Eddy looks out from the bush in which he his hiding. Jonny and Plank are now here.]

Nat: "Ed I don't think this is necessary."

Edd: "Don't you think you should respect Eddy's sensitivity to this matter?"

Ed: "Mum's the word, Double D."

[Ed proceeds to chase Eddy out of his hidey-hole.]

Eddy: "Hey, what're you doing? Stop that!"

Ed: "Do not look at Eddy, Jonny."

Jonny: "Hey Eddy! What happened to your head?"

Eddy: [using his hands to cover his pimple] "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Jonny: [lifting Eddy's hands] "Is that a zit?"

Eddy: "Uh..." [He covers his pimple again.] "No."

Jonny: "You look like a lighthouse, Eddy!"

Ed: "Or even a one-humped camel, huh Jonny?" [Eddy backs away.]

Jonny: "Plank says, Eddy should join a circus!"

Ed: "Yeah. Eddy's already pitched the tent on his head."

Nat: "Guys please stop."

Edd: "Stop it, you two! Can't you see Eddy's already having a difficult time with–"

[Edd looks around. Eddy is nowhere to be found.]

Nat: "Where is he?"

Edd: [calling] "Eddy?"

[Eddy opens a drawer and looks around in it. He finds what he wants–a band-aid–and unpeels it. He then sticks it on his zit. The blemish immediately moves to the other side of his head. Eddy shoves it down, and it moves to the other side and shoves the band-aid off. Eddy then picks up a comb, worried. A knocking comes.]

Edd: "Eddy, are you alright?"

Nat: "Can we come in?"

Eddy: "Just one minute." [He opens the door.] "Hey guys and girl, whaddya think?" [He is wearing a toupee.] "Dad's rug really does the trick, huh?"

Ed: "Attack the wig!" [He goes at it with his teeth.]

Nat: "Ed stop! Please!"

Edd: "Ed! You're violating a hairpiece!"

Ed: "Wigs scare me, Double D."

Edd: "Eddy, we're wasting time." [He pushes in a chair and carries a doctor's bag.] "Have a seat, please. I have a cosmetic remedy that's sure to hide your papule problem."

Eddy: "Oh great. Now I've gotta wear makeup?"

Nat: "It'll be ok Eddy."

Edd: [placing a contraption on Eddy's head] "I've constructed a special bib, in case of spillage."

[Edd proceeds to clean the pimple.]

Edd: "Nice. Let us begin, shall we? This foundation should conceal your small inflammatory swelling."

Eddy: [as foundation is applied] "I feel like a sissy."

Edd: [finishing up] "Well would you look at that. It's hardly noticeable, isn't it, Nat and Ed?" [The pimple is obvious, and even appears larger.]

Eddy: [after a long wait] "Well?"

Nat: "Uh."

Ed: [after mulling it over] "I claim this planet in the name of Ed! Bringer of bacon."

Eddy: "Outta the way, lemme see."

[Eddy goes up to the mirror and looks. The zit is still very obvious. Suddenly, it triples in size, so that it is about a tenth the size of Eddy's head.]

Eddy: "It grew! The zit's getting bigger, Double D!"

[Eddy's righteous indignation turns to a surprised fear when he finds that he's talking to Kevin, who has suddenly appeared in his bathroom.]

Kevin: "Check it out! I don't know which head to look at!"

[Outside, Jonny has set up a freak show scam, where for only 25¢ you can see Eddy's zit.]

Rolf: [giving Jonny a quarter] "Rolf must see this blemished outcast, yes?"

Jonny: "Knock yourself out, Rolf! We're making a killing, Plank!"

Nat: "Really Jonny?!"

Rolf: [as he, Kevin, and Nazz surround Eddy] "Oh, Rolf has seen this many times in the Old Country."

Nazz: "Eddy, you don't look so good."

[On cue, Eddy's zit swells up to even greater heights.]

Sarah: "I think I saw it move!"

Kevin: "This is where I'm gonna bust a gut!"

[All the kids start to laugh. Eddy's pimple swells again. It is now half the size of his head.]

Kevin: "Don't get too close, it might pop!"

Jonny: "Gee Plank, I'm not sure if we can take Eddy out on the road."

Ed: "Boy Eddy, your zit's really getting big."

Edd: [not joining the onlookers] "All this attention seems to be irritating Eddy's blemish."

Nat: [also not joining] "We need to get everyone out."

Eddy: "LEAVE ME ALONE!" [He runs away.]

Edd: "Eddy, wait!"

Nat: "Come back!"

Kevin: "There goes the ugly dorkling!"

[The kids, including Ed and excepting Edd, Nat and Rolf, laugh at Kevin's pun.]

Edd: "ARE WE JUST ABOUT DONE?!"

[Nat opens the door]

Edd: "Please leave in an orderly manner!" [Most of the kids leave, cowed by Edd.] "In all my years, I have never seen such deplorable behavior over one's elevation of the skin!"

Kevin: [smug] "Man, Eddy's got a real honker, huh, Double Dweeb?"

Nat: "Just go please."

Ed: [depressed] "Tootle-oo, Double D and Nat."

Edd and Nat: "Not you, Ed."

Rolf: [from inside] "Ed-boys and Nat-girl. Rolf has great sympathy for the two-headed ogre. Escort the Ed-boy to Rolf's at one hour. You shall not be disappointed!" [He leaves.]

Edd: "Eddy?"

[Eddy has barricaded himself in his room.]

Nat: "Rolf's gonna help, Eddy. Eddy?"

Ed: "Allow me, Double D and Nat. Ed's going fishing." [Ed reaches under the door and pulls out the bed, the dresser, and a chair.]

Edd: "Um, Ed?"

Ed: "Here we go. It's a whopper, Double D and Nat!" [He pulls out Eddy.]

Eddy: "Rolf scares me."

Edd: "You can count on me for support, Eddy."

Nat: "Me too."

Ed: "Who brought the tarter sauce!"

[Edd and Nat peek out Eddy's front door. Seeing nothing, they signal for Eddy to follow them. Eddy is dressed in a makeshift robe. Ed brings up the rear. Suddenly, a batch of camera flashes go off.]

Sarah: "Over here, weirdo!"

Kevin: "Nasty."

Jonny: "Get a close-up, Plank! Woo-hoo!"

Jimmy: "Wait! You're all in the way of my composition!"

[The scene is then told in snapshots.]

Edd: "No! Stop! Wait!"

Nat: "No pictures! Please!"

[A shot of the Eds and Nat taken by surprise is followed by a pair of shots of Ed taking pictures of himself.]

Ed: "Out of the way, citizen!"

[Next it is seen that Sarah has stripped Eddy of his robe, and the zit is fully exposed. Through all this, screams from the Eds and Nat can be heard.]

Sarah: "See what I got?"

[After Sarah's portrait, Eddy is seen running for his life, paparazzi chasing him towards Rolf's.]

Eddy: "I'm a minor! STOP! Mommy!"

Edd: "You all need help!"

[The Eds and Nat finally reach Rolf's house, and Rolf fends the photographers off.]

Rolf: "YAHG-LUAH-GAUH!"

Rolf: [slamming the door] "Vultures!" [carrying Eddy] "Come, my pustuled friend, we must begin. Please, marinate in the lard." [He puts Eddy in a barrel.] "Don't go away now!"

Ed: [entranced] "I wish I had a zit."

[Nat makes a confused face.]

Edd: "Ed, you have a boat on your back."

Rolf: "Move!" [He signals for them to move forward. Opening a drawer] "Rolf requires your assistance!" [He takes out a squid.] "Double D Ed-boy, massage the squid. Half-wit Ed-boy, grate the turnip." [He hands Edd the squid and Ed the turnip and a grater.] "Today Rolf will be showing you how to prepare Carbuncle of the Flesh Stew." [taking a fish head from the fridge] "An ancestral recipe handed down through many pimply-faced elders." [He sees Edd grating the turnip.] "Where is the squid?"

Ed: "Right here, Rolf!" [He proceeds to massage it.]

Rolf: "Stop!" [Ed drops the octopus.] "Oaf. Thank you. Now we add one softened squid and stir. Careful not to bruise the fish entrails! Good, yes? Last we add the Pickled Towel of Mirth and let simmer for 14 days and 14 nights."

Eddy: [outraged] "What? Fourteen days?"

Rolf: "Do not fester, as Rolf has thought ahead, and premade this stuff."

[Ed applauds.]

Rolf: [approaching Eddy with the towel] "Are you ready for the anointment of the stew, Ed-boy?"

Eddy: "Will you hurry up? My arms are falling asleep!"

Rolf: "Okey-dokey! Be very still."

[Rolf lays the steaming towel over Eddy's head. He then waits a few moments before he rears back and kicks the barrel, sending it flying through the wall into his barnyard.]

Rolf: "AWAY WITH YOU, PROTUBERANCE OF THE FLESH!"

[The barrel crash-lands and breaks. Eddy, blinded by the towel, gets up.]

Eddy: "What happened?" [Rolf shoves a box over his head.]

Rolf: "Silence! We must be quick!" [He puts a chicken in the box and slams it shut. Eddy is attacked by the fowl.]

Eddy: "Hey! What's going on? Who is that? IT HURTS! STOP! MY FACE! OW!"

Ed: "Eddy is so lucky. Do you think I can have a chicken peck at my head, Nat? Double D?"

[Rolf shoves Ed, Nat and Edd away]

Rolf: "Goodbye, as you may not see your friend for 24 hours. Rolf waits now."

[Rolf takes off his pants and goes over to a stump. He pulls out a pocketknife and begins carving at the wood.]

[It is the next day, and Rolf has carved the stump into a shoe. Ed, Nat and Edd arrive.]

Edd: "Rolf? We're here to pick up Eddy."

[Rolf looks at Edd blankly.]

Edd: "Eddy? Remember? You helped him with his pimple problem?"

Rolf: [remembering] "Oh, sure!" [He puts on his pants.] "Follow Rolf."

[Eddy's head is stuck in a giant tomato. Rolf reaches down to pull him out.]

Rolf: "You shall see the miracle of the stew."

Edd: "Tell me what happens, Nat." [He covers his eyes.]

Rolf: [holding out a mirror] "You have healed well, Ed-boy. Your head resembles what it once was."

[In the mirror, Eddy does look normal. However, once it is lowered, we see that his head has shrunken.]

Eddy: [in a high-pitched voice] "What happened to my head?!?"

Nat: "It shrunk!"

Ed: "It is so puny!"

Edd: [takes out a notepad and pencil] "This is worthy of a Nobel Prize!"

Eddy: "What'd you do to me, you quack?!?"

Rolf: "Quack? I am Rolf."

Eddy: "You're a quack! Quack quack quack!"

Rolf: "I am not a duck, I am Rolf!"

Edd: "How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?"

Rolf: "What?"

Ed: "My turn for shrinkage, Rolf!"

Eddy: "Fix me!"

Edd: "Tell me!"

Ed: "Shrink me!"

Rolf: "Eh, stay back!" [He begins to run from the Eds.]

Eddy: "Get him!" [chasing Rolf, the other Eds gleefuly following] "Wait'll I get my hands on you! Fix my head, you quack!"

Ed: "He's strong!" [He laughs as they continue to chase Rolf.]

[Nat just facepalms and sighs]


	64. From Here to Ed

[The kids are standing around, looking down at something.]

Jimmy: "Gee whillikers! Are those penguins?" [What looks like penguins are in some snow.]

Eddy: [dressed as an Eskimo] "You better believe it, Curly. You're in the land of snow and Eskimos. And how do you get around in this frozen food section of the world? On Ed's Polar Sled Ride."

[Edd and Nat, dressed as huskies, comes up struggling to gain traction on the snow. He slips. She helps him up. When he stands up again, foam is all over his face.]

Edd: "Thankfully Mother buys eco-friendly detergent."

Eddy: "His bark is bigger than his bite. Darn huskies. Twenty-five cents and ride through the northern light bulb!"

Jimmy: "Whee! I love sleigh rides!"

Jonny: "Let's sit up front, Plank!"

[The kids are all on the sleigh. Edd and Nat are unable to gain any traction at all, and Eddy is counting his money.]

Sarah: "Move it, ya mutt!"

Eddy: "Twenty-five, fifty, seventy-five–"

Ed: "Ooh! Ooh! Can I mush, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Yeah yeah, just don't get any on me, Ed."

Ed: "Mush!" [He pushes the sleigh from behind.] "Look at me! I am a musher! Mush!"

[A soccer ball bounces onto the snow.]

Rolf: "Oops! Sorry Kevin."

Kevin: "No problem, dude." [He goes to get it.]

Eddy: "And who invited you?"

Edd: "Ed! Kevin is in the direct path of our sleigh!"

Ed: "Mush!"

Nat: "Ed, please turn the sleigh!" [He and the other kids scream.]

Kevin: "What the–?" [He stays where he is but ducks.]

[The kids scream.]

Jonny: "For cying out loud!"

[Right before they hit Kevin, Ed grabs Eddy and uses Eddy as a pivot, turning right.]

Jimmy: "Farewell, cruel world! My hair!"

[Ed continues full steam ahead and heads for the sign. The kids duck, but Ed's head just smashes through.]

Eddy: "My sign!" [The vehicle crashes.]

Jimmy: "My legs!"

Eddy: "My igloo!"

Kevin: "Awesome."

Eddy: [to Kevin] "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Kevin: "I just got my ball, dork."

Jonny: "Me and Plank want our money back!"

Nazz: "My colors are running, Eddy."

Sarah: "Gimme my quarter!"

Eddy: "What do I look like, a bank? No refunds." [Sarah grabs him by the nose.] "Oh geez."

[Sarah beats him up.]

Kevin: "Nice."

Sarah: [running off with the jar] "C'mon Jimmy!"

Jonny: "Wait up, guys!"

Jimmy: [part of the sign in his hair] "Polar bear attack!"

Kevin: "Later, dork!"

Eddy: [to Kevin] "If it wasn't for you, I'd be swimming in jawbreakers right now!"

Kevin: "I have no idea what you're dorking about."

Eddy: "Oh, you know what I'm dorking about."

Edd: "Put it behind you, Eddy. This was all just an unfortunate unforeseen circumstance."

Nat: "Kevin didn't mean to interfere."

Ed: "Pickle?"

[Rolf is playing with the ball.]

Rolf: "Hello. Goodbye. Hello goodbye."

Kevin: "Rolf! Quit showing off and pass the ball,–"

Eddy: [in Kevin's ear] "YOU OWE ME MONEY!"

Kevin: "You're cruising for a bruising, you little twerp." [He pulls the hood of Eddy's parka shut.]

Eddy: "Where'd everybody go?" [He comes sliding over to his friends.]

Edd: "Well Eddy, with that I guess we can–" [Eddy blindly punches him. Nat helps him up.]

Eddy: "Who's there? Kevin? You jarhead, you owe me a buck!" [climbing a snow mountain] "Where are ya? Show yourself, ya–"

Edd: "Um, Eddy? Kevin left." [Eddy pulls his parka away from his face.]

Eddy: "That's it, run! Hide! But I hope you're a light sleeper, 'cause I'll be all over you like a bad itch! It's war, I tell ya!"

Ed: [running up the hill] "Slide on the soap." [He slides down and climbs up again.] "Slide on the soap." [He slides and climbs back up.] "Slide on the soap." [Slide and climb.] "Slide on the soap."

Edd: "You're on your own, Eddy. I refuse to partake in games of vengeance."

Eddy: "Oh really? How 'bout I tell a certain someone how you feel?"

Edd: "You wouldn't dare! Would you?"

Nat: "I don't want to hurt him Eddy. I can't do it."

Eddy: "Well then. I guess I'll just blow the whistle on what's on your neck, Nat."

Nat: "No please don't!"

[Kevin is working on his bike. Edd watches through binoculars. Nat and Eddy pop up, a clump of grass on his head.]

Eddy: "Report, Double D!"

Edd: "Kevin is at leisure, unsuspecting and quite vulnerable, Eddy."

Eddy: "A sitting duck! When Ed shows up, we'll ambush the sap."

[Eddy glares at Edd and then tosses him to the ground.]

Eddy: "You stick out like a sore thumb. Haven't you ever heard of camouflage?" [He puts a strip of grass over Edd's head.]

Edd: "Don't toy with me, Eddy." [A wagon runs him over.]

Ed: "I got the stuff to throw at Kevin, Eddy."

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed! Double D, Nat, take a whiff of this!"

[Nat makes a disgusted face]

Edd: "Ed, where did you exhume this from?"

Ed: "Bric-a-brac from under my bed, Double D."

Edd: "Ed? Do you know there's a turtle on your head?"

Ed: "Yep!"

[Eddy fishes into the muck until he finds what he wants. It is a paper bag, dripping with rot and mold.]

Eddy: "Ah-ha! The ultimate implement for humiliation!"

Ed: "Nah, that's my lunch from school last year."

[Eddy opens the bag and turns blue.]

Eddy: [closing it] "Pee-yew! It's perfect."

[Kevin runs the chain and drips some oil onto it. Eddy makes odd signals to his friends, who stare back.]

Ed: "Ooh, ooh!" [He makes weird faces and signals.]

Eddy: [whispering] "Let's move out!"

Edd: "Oh like that really meant anything."

Nat: "Your guess is as good as mine."

[Eddy leads the Eds and Nat to a manhole.]

Eddy: "There he is! I know an underground route." [He enters the sewers.]

Edd: "Nat! Ed! Eddy's overzealous attempt to reform this erroneous altercation is destined to fail!"

Nat: "I know."

Ed: "Napkin, please."

Edd: "I should have known better."

[Edd, Nat and Ed enter the sewer. They come out of another manhole and tiptoe back to their starting point.]

Eddy: "That was close!"

Edd: "Close? We're at the same location as when we started. We went in a complete circle past Kevin."

Eddy: "That's to confuse him. Just in case he saw us."

[The Eds and Nat sneak over to a bush on the side of Kevin's yard. Eddy and Nat duck into it, but Ed and Edd stand in it.]

Eddy: "Duck, you idiots!" [Ed and Edd lower themselves.]

Ed: "Quack." [Kevin lifts his head.]

Kevin: "Suburbs are weird." [He goes back to his bike, and the Eds and Nat peek out over the hedge.]

Eddy: "Good one, Ed. He's sure to be onto us now." [Kevin pops open a soda bottle.] "Look at him. He thinks he's so smart."

Ed: "Oh, I got an inkling."

[The Eds and Nat walk by, dressed as Jonny.]

Kevin: "Hey Jonny."

[The Eds and Nat run into the fence and flip over it.]

Kevin: "What a freak."

[On the other side of the fence, Eddy, Nat and Edd crawl out of the head. Eddy looks through a knothole.]

Eddy: "Okay. Let's do it."

Edd: "Do what? We've trekked half this cul-de-sac and accomplished nothing!"

Eddy: [handing Edd the bag] "Take this and nail Kevin right in the head."

Edd: "Me?"

Eddy: "Yeah, you! He'll know we're up to something if me or Ed go!"

Edd: "I can't just go up to Kevin and hit him! I have nothing to do with your misguided adventure!"

Eddy: "Nat go with him."

Nat: "Why Eddy?"

Eddy: "So you can make sure Sockhead does it."

Nat: "But this is wrong Eddy."

Ed: "Go on, Nat." [He begins tickling Nat. She inadvertently moves forward.]

Eddy: "You know you want to Double D." [He tickles Edd, and Edd inadvertently moves forward.]

Nat: "Guys stop! Please! [She continues to laugh until it stops.]

Edd: "Stop it! I'm ticklish! Wait, please!" [He collapses into giggles until he realizes the tickling has stopped.]

Kevin: "Hey Nat and Double D." [Nat and Edd are at the end of Kevin's driveway.] "What's so funny, hombres?"

Nat: "Hi Kevin."

Edd: "Why, I'm just dandy, how 'bout you?"

Kevin: "Looks like your lunch is leaking."

Edd: "Oh, um, is that a Waldron rachet?"

Kevin: "Yeah, I just got it! It torques the bolts so the slippage is the right–" [He stops. Nat and Edd has disappeared behind him.] "–round for–where'd they go?"

[Kevin returns to his bike. Edd stand behind him, petrified, bag raised overhead. Nat stands behind as well looking nervous. Eddy signals them.]

Nat: "It's not to late to back out."

Edd: "Oh dear. I can't believe I'm about to–" [The bag bursts right on top of Edd. Edd stands still, mortified. Kevin, finished, rides off, not even noticing Nat and Edd.]

Eddy: "Did you see that? Kevin tampered with our ammo!"

Nat: "I don't think so Eddy."

Edd: "I'm covered in filth. Foul. Contaminated. Luncheon."

Eddy: "Don't worry about it, stinky. We'll get him. Right, Ed?"

Ed: "I'm hungry."

[Kevin is chatting with Nazz.]

Kevin: [in the middle of a story] "Is that a giant clam?"

Eddy: "Right there! Hold it."

[Edd is holding a hand mirror, tilted at such an angle to catch Kevin and Nazz and show them to Eddy.]

Eddy: "Look at him, plotting his next move against us. Well he's in for a surprise, 'cause we're hitting him first!"

Edd: "Why do I get the impression that Kevin doesn't even know we exist?"

Nat: "Because he doesn't"

Kevin: "Cool. See you later, Nazz." [He rides away.]

Eddy: "Hurry up with the pancake syrup, Ed!" [Ed is pouring maple syrup in a strip across the street.]

Ed: "Gotcha!"

Eddy: "He'll arrive right into that syrup, scream for help, then bingo! We hit him."

Edd: "I abhor violence, Eddy. You and Ed can hit him."

Nat: "Yeah I can't do this either Eddy."

Eddy: "Fine!"

Ed: [finishing up] "Ready and waiting!"

Eddy: "Here he comes hide!" [The Eds and Nat duck into the bushes. Jimmy rides into the syrup.]

Jimmy: "Aah! I'm stuck!"

Eddy: Get him!

Ed: "Prepare to meet your maker!"

Jimmy: "Aunt Ruthie?"

[Ed leaps onto Jimmy and Kevin rides across Ed's back.]

Eddy: "Man he's crafty."

Edd: [sarcastic] "Don't be so modest, Eddy. It must have taken you at least ten seconds to come up with this!"

Eddy: "It's all your fault! If you'd helped, we'd be at home complaining about nothing to do!"

Edd: "Oh now it's my fault?"

Eddy: "Yeah!"

Edd: "Really?"

Eddy: "Yeah!"

Edd: "Really?"

Eddy: "Yeah, really!"

[An awkward silence ensues.]

Edd: "Very well then. Shall we proceed to you getting your own way yet again?"

Eddy: "After you."

Nat: "Right behind you."

Ed: [covered in syrup] "Wait up guys and girl!"

[Kevin yawns and stretches out on a hammock. He settles in. A fake cloud attached to a mechanical line extends to settle above Kevin. On top the Eds and Nat dressed in blue with white hair are loading a cannon.]

Eddy: "This is so sweet, Double D."

Edd: "Thank you, Eddy. No one would ever suspect Mother Nature to harbor a spring-loaded circus cannon and–" [angry] "–blow innocent bystanders to kingdom come!"

Eddy: "I'm rubbing off on ya, Double D. Get in the cannon, Ed. Kevin's gonna get hit with a hundred pounds of Lump!"

Edd: [with a traffic cone] "Put this on, Ed. It'll protect the turtle."

Ed: "Ready to be fired!"

Eddy: [pushing Ed into the cannon] "C'mon, we don't have all day." [plugging his ears] "Fire, Double D!"

[Nothing happens.]

Ed: "Did I go?" [Eddy looks at Edd angrily.]

Edd: "Don't look at me. I already live with enough guilt."

Eddy: "Fine. Nat?"

Nat: "I'd rather not."

[Eddy winds the cannon up and pulls the trigger.]

Eddy: "Boom goes the weasel!"

[The cannon backfires, sending Edd, Nat and Eddy back into a tree to which the machine is attached. The treetop flies up and demolishes the cloud. Edd, Nat and Eddy are pulled back and fall into the wreckage of the scheme. Kevin, oblivious to it all, packs up his hammock and goes inside.]

Eddy: "He's too good."

[Kevin's doorbell rings. Kevin opens the door, and Eddy, bruised and bloodied, holds out his hand.]

Kevin: "What is this?"

Eddy: "I give, you win. Let's call it a day."

Kevin: "What're you talking about?"

Edd: "Well Kevin, Eddy would like to extend an olive branch, so to speak."

Nat: "He's trying to make peace."

Eddy: "Yeah, so just shake my hand."

Ed: "You guys are gonna make my turtle cry."

[Kevin slams the door on Eddy's hand.]

Eddy: "Yow!" [He pulls his hand loose.]

Jonny: "Whoa!"

[Jonny comes by in the giant mask the Eds and Nat had used earlier as a disguise.]

Jonny: "Hey guys, I'm inside my own head! Far out, huh? Woo, too weird!"

[Jonny walks into a lamppost and lands upside down. Eddy furiously rings the doorbell.]

Eddy: "Get out here, Kevin! You did that on purpose! Gimme my buck!"


	65. Boys Will Be Eds

[The Eds are selling sandwiches. Jimmy has bought one, and is being chased by Victor.]

Jimmy: "Aah! Leave me alone! Someone turn a radio on, soothe this savage beast!"

Rolf: [chasing after them] "Drop the sandwich, you fool!"

Edd: "And here I thought selling sandwiches would be a safe and innocent venture."

Jimmy: [runs past Kevin, Jonny, and Plank] "My sandwich, my sandwich, my sandwich! Sarah, help me! I'm so delicate! Don't just stand there, do something! Sarah!" [The meat falls out of the sandwich and Jimmy slips on it.] "Darn it."

[Victor gloms on to the sandwich Jimmy is holding.]

Ed: "Share it with me, Victor!" [He runs straight through the sandwich stand, splitting it in two in the process, to see what happens next. Eddy follows with glee.]

Edd: "It's all fun and games until someone spills the mayonnaise."

[Kevin, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Jonny, and Plank look on as Rolf tries to pull Victor off Jimmy.]

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Victor!"

Rolf: "Victor! Do not spoil your supper with the white bread!"

Jimmy: "Sarah! Help!" [Victor eats part of Jimmy's sleeve.] "Goat germs!"

Rolf: "Victor! Let go of the confused and delicate one!"

[Sarah comes up behind Rolf and hits him over the head with a tennis racket.]

Sarah: "You leave Jimmy alone!" [She drags Rolf off-screen to beat him up.]

Eddy: "This just keeps getting better!" [He falls to the ground in a fit of laughter.] "My ribs are killing me! Call a doctor, Double D!"

Edd: "I fail to see a comedy in Jimmy's tragedy, Eddy. There is nothing funny about being chased around the yard, then unintentionally slipping on a slice of luncheon meat!"

Kevin: "Fluffy ran like a chicken!" [All the boys except Ed, Edd, Jimmy, and Rolf laugh.]

Ed: "I love chickens, guys!"

Nat: [from behind] "Hey guys what's going on?"

Edd: [turning around] "Hello Naaaaa-" [he stares in shock]

[Soon all the other boys turn around as well and stare in shock. What they are looking at is Nat not wearing her usual attire but a long white dress with short sleeves and covered in multiple colored flowers. She smiles at first but when they continue to stare she makes a confused face.]

Nat: "Um...are you guys ok?"

Edd: "Nat, where did you get such a radiant dress?"

Nat: "Oh I made myself, do you like it?"

[The boys just continue to stare, looking at her with love in their eyes.]

Nat: [confused] "What? Is there something on my face?"

Sarah: "For crying out loud, Jimmy, get up, willya?" [Jimmy is crawling towards Sarah.] "Hey, Nat, you wanna play some baseball with me and Jimmy?"

Nat: "Sure!" [Sarah and Jimmy hustle off.]

Jimmy: "I feel queasy."

Nat: "Do you guys want to join?"

[The boys stare back with goofy grins, except Ed, who is blushing and looks scared.]

Nat: "Oook well I hope you guys will meet us there." [She runs off.]

Kevin: "Man, Nat looks awesome today."

Jonny: [blushing] "I wanna write Nat a poem, and I hate writing."

Ed: "Double D? My tummy feels all wiggly and crawly inside."

Edd: "That's nice, Ed."

Eddy: "I feel like the Nat on the back of my Nat is standing on Nat."

Edd: "That's nice, Ed."

[Jonny starts giggling. Ed falls over. The boys stay entranced for a few moments, but Kevin suddenly snaps out of it.]

Kevin: "Hey, where you going, Nat?"

Jonny: "Woohoo! Count me in, Nat!" [They run after the trio.]

Edd: "There's something bewitching about Nat today. An unusual enchantment." [Walking off, he steps on Ed's face and doesn't even notice.] "A happening of sorts."

Eddy: "She's happening, all right!" [He follows Edd, stepping on Ed's face.]

Ed: "I feel like a doormat. Can it be love?"

[Kevin is on the pitchers mound, plopping the ball into his glove distractedly.]

Sarah: "Throw the ball, you idiot!"

[Nat is on deck, and Kevin is staring at her instead of pitching to the current batter. The Eds watch from the fence.]

Edd: "Nat is as graceful as a gazelle leaping through a field of buttercups."

Eddy: "Yeah. A ga-whatchamacallit."

Kevin: "I'm dedicating this game to you, Nat."

Nat: "Thanks, Kevin!"

Jonny: [trying to get Nat's interest] "Plank and I make our own doughnuts!"

Jimmy: "Holy macaroni!"

[The pitch zooms in with such force that it knocks Sarah backwards. Jimmy swings wildly, and the bat goes flying.]

Nat: "Heads up, everybody!"

Ed and Eddy: [entranced] "Heads up everybody." [The bat slams into Eddy's face.]

Edd: "Eddy! Are you alright?"

Ed: [picking up the bat with Eddy on it] "Oh, look! A bouquet of flowers for Nat!"

Edd: "A tad pungent, don't you think, Ed?"

Eddy: [prying his mouth off the bat] "I'll give you a bou–"

Nat: "Hi, Eddy Can you please give the bat back? [She and Jonny are looking at them, though Jonny disappears and Kevin takes his place.] Hey, why don't you guys play with us?"

[Kevin stops looking at Nat and develops a look of annoyance while the Eds stare back in silent enchantment.]

Edd: [whispering] "Politely decline, Eddy! We know nothing about the dynamics of team sports!"

Ed: "With bells on our toes, Miss Nat!"

[Nat bangs her bat on home plate.]

Nat: "C'mon, Kevin, I'm ready!"

[Kevin throws a pitch that bounces over the plate.]

Sarah: "You call that a pitch?"

Nat: "Ready, Kevin! You can do it!"

Kevin (thinking): "She's so radical."

Eddy (thinking): "She can't take her eyes off me."

Edd (thinking): "Her beauty shines brighter than a million stars."

Ed (thinking): "Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!"

Sarah: "Throw the ball, slowpoke!"

[Kevin winds up and fires a fastball. It goes past Nat but hits Sarah on her helmet, making it look as though Nat hit it. It bounces into play like a grounder.]

Nat: "Did I hit it? Awesome!" [She goes for first.]

Jimmy: "Pick up the ball, Kevin, hurry! Pick it up!"

Kevin: "Yeah, sure. I'm on it." [He makes no move towards the ball, which has come to rest at his feet.]

Eddy: "Go Nat go!"

Sarah: [grabbing the ball] "Oh, for goodness sake! Catch it, Double D!"

[The ball hits Edd on the side of the head, and he falls over. Nat stops to help him up then continues running.]

Edd: [dreamily] "She's so sweet."

Ed: "She's so good."

Nat: [rounding second] "Safe!"

Sarah: [to Eddy, the second baseman] "Hey, stupid, you're supposed to get her out!"

[Eddy sticks his leg out and trips Sarah. The ball bounces to Ed, the third baseman.]

Ed: "Aw, look!" [He picks up the ball.]

Nat: "Are you gonna touch me with that ball?"

[Ed screams and runs down the third base line. He collides with Jimmy, and the ball goes flying. Sarah, standing on home plate, reaches up and grabs the ball. Jonny lifts the plate up from under her.]

Jonny: "Here's home plate, Nat!"

[Nat jumps on it, pinning Jonny under the plate. Jonny sticks his hand out and gives Nat a thumbs-up.]

The Boys: "She's safe!"

Nat: "Awesome!"

Kevin: "Cool, Nat. I knew you could–"

Eddy: [shoves his face into Kevin's] "I wanna pitch to Nat."

Kevin: "Get outta my face, dork."

Jonny: "No way, Jose! I'm gonna pitch to Nat!"

Ed: "Hang on there, mateys. I will throw the football to Nat."

Eddy: "It's a baseball, stupid."

Ed: "Sure am, Eddy."

Jonny: [noticing Nat watching] "She's looking at us, Plank."

Kevin: [kicking his competitors away] "Ready, Nat?"

Jonny: [attacking with Eddy] "It's not your turn!"

Ed: [carrying Edd] "Okay, then it's Double D's turn!"

Edd: "Ed, don't."

Nat: "What's wrong with them?"

Sarah: "Who needs them? Let's go play someplace else!" [Jimmy throws his glove down in solidarity.]

Jimmy: "Wait for me, ladies!"

Jonny: [escaping the brawl] "She's on the move again, Plank." [The fight stops.]

Kevin: [to the Eds] "Oh, good one. Now Nat thinks I'm a dork."

[Rolf is shearing Victor. His razor hits the goat's bell.]

Rolf: "Son of a gun."

Kevin: "You gotta help me, Rolf. Nat thinks I'm a dork. How could something so righteous be so wrong, man?"

Rolf: "I see. So, Kevin would like Rolf to assist him with the Nat, yes? No. Too bad, go away. Come again another day."

Kevin: "Harsh."

Rolf: [jovial] "Rolf pokes fun at you, Kevin. I have never seen such a killjoy. Come, Rolf makes good."

[Rolf runs off with Kevin. The moment he leaves, the Eds explode out of his chicken coop.]

Edd: "Oh dear! It appears Kevin and Rolf have unified in an attempt to impress Nat."

Ed: "Can I impress Nat with my sensitive side and draw her a picture of a chicken?" [The chicken bites him on the lips.]

Eddy: "Does that answer your question, Ed? You won't impress Nat with chickens!"

Ed: "I won't?"

Edd: "A rare moment indeed. But Eddy's right."

Eddy: "And I know exactly what will–" [He realizes he doesn't want his friends in on his scheme.] "Pardon me. I think I heard my mother call." [Eddy runs away.]

Edd: "Hey, you!" [muttering] "So that's how it's gonna be, is it?" [He runs in another direction.] "Coming, Ed?" [Ed follows, the chicken still attached to his lips. Edd brings the bird back.] "Please no chickens, Ed."

Ed: "I can't feel my lips, Double D."

[Rolf wheels Victor in. On his side is shaved "Nat."]

Nat: "Victor changed his name to Nat, just like me!"

Rolf: "Are you weak in the upper story?"

Kevin: [sweating] "Later, Rolf. Kinda neat, huh Nat? It's sort of a gift. For you."

Nat: "Why's Nat wearing my shoes?"

Kevin: "Um, yeah! I put in new bearings so they glide real smooth, you know."

Nat: "Awesome!"

Rolf: "Rolf will sit to the side and observe with hysterics!"

Eddy: "Hi Nat!" [He kicks Kevin out of the way.] "How about slipping your tootsies into this baby?" [He holds up a red high-heeled shoe.] "All the way from France."

Nat: "Um, Thank you Eddy?" [A briefcase appears in front of her.]

Edd: "I hope you enjoy this small offering, as everyone loves oral hygiene." [He opens the case to reveal several dental products.]

Kevin: "Get lost, nerdo. Hey Nat. How about I let you wear my hat?"

Nat: [backing up] "No thank you Kevin, I'd rather keep my headband." [She runs into Ed.] "Hey there, Ed."

[Ed's shirt is lifted, revealing a picture of Nat drawn on his stomach.]

Ed: "It's you. And I drew it."

Nat: "I don't know what to say."

Ed: "Should I hang it in your room?"

Eddy: [moves Ed to the left] "Remember me? Of course you do. How's this tickle you?" [He holds up a rolling pin.]

Kevin: [shoves both Ed and Eddy out to the right] "Me again. Sorry about your hair." [He holds out a hairbrush.]

Edd: [with a hair-cleaning device] "If neat hair is what you desire, why not massage your follicles with my–"

Jonny: [smashes his head through the device] "How about a nice bowl of steaming hot twee?" [offers a bowl of oatmeal]

Ed: [putting a brick in the cereal] "A pretty brick for Nat."

Eddy: [with Kevin's bike] "Nat would love a new bike!"

Ed: [holds up a toilet] "Or a new toilet?"

Kevin: [takes back his bike] "Not the bike, dork." [smashes Eddy with the front wheel]

Edd: [with a frozen beetle] "A perfectly preserved heteropterous in an acrylic mask?"

Eddy: "What's up, Nat?"

Kevin: "Check out the wrench, Nat." [Nat looks around in confusion.]

Jonny: "A feather?"

Edd: "Excuse me, Nat."

Jonny: "Hey Nat!"

Ed: [holding a blender] "Who's up for smoothies?!"

[The pressure of so much attention gets to Nat, and she runs away from the boys screaming.]

Nat: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

Kevin: [to Eddy] "Get off me!" [Rolf laughs uproariously as Kevin shoves Eddy aside.] "Nat, wait! Don't leave me here with these losers!"

Edd: "I have a feeling our attempts to garner Nat's attention failed not impress her. Don't you think, Eddy?"

Eddy: "What was your first clue, Einstein?"

Ed: [playing with his belly] "Blow a kiss to your fans, Nat!" [falsetto] "Okay! Mm-aah, mm-aah, mm-aah, mm-aah."

[The Eds sneak over to the side of a house and come to a stop beneath a window.]

Eddy: "Over here, quick!"

Edd: "Eddy, please! This is not good! My profuse sweating indicates that we've established the fact that Nat doesn't know we exist!"

Eddy: "I picked a good one. She'll be swooning in no time."

Ed: "BRING IT ON HOME!"

Eddy: "Shut up, you idiot!" [In the windowed room, a light turns on. Someone comes to the window.]

Edd: "Our vision of beauty approaches."

Eddy: "You start, Double D."

Edd: "Oh dear! She spotted us. You have the floor, Eddy."

Eddy: "You're such a chicken, Double D. Whaddaya think she'll do, bite you?"

Edd: "Worse she'll never speak to me again."

Eddy: "Get out there!" [He puts Edd center stage.]

[Eddy pushes some bongos in front of Edd. Ed starts playing comb and paper. Edd begins to drum.]

Eddy: [singing] "Hit me! Have mercy! Sweet Nat don't give me a bat! Right on! Oh Nat! Uh huh you are so rad! Oh baby! Stop me! Uh huh!"

[Jimmy throws open his window.]

Jimmy: "You guys rock!"

Eddy: [shocked] "Jimmy?"

Edd: [mortified] "Oh, hello, Jimmy."

Ed: "Nice head there, bucko!"

Jimmy: "Can I join your band? I play a mean xylophone."

[The Eds are quick to deny his request. Jimmy leaves.]

Edd: "I seem to have forgotten this in not Nat's residence."

Eddy: "What?! how could you forget?!"

Edd: "My lack of focus is apparently high."

Eddy: "Well do you remember now?!"

Edd: "Yes I remember now."

[The Eds leave]

[Nat is in her room, on her bed with the blanket over her body.]

Nat: "I don't understand, why are they all acting that way? I've never gotten this much attention!"

[Nat then hears something outside. When she goes and opens the curtains she immediately closes them. The boys were outside her house holding gifts and chanting her name telling her to come out. She curls up into a ball on the floor.]

Nat: "It just doesn't make sense! They all pretty much ignored me before I wore the- [her eyes become wide with realization] -dress!"

[Nat gets up and dusts herself off.]

Nat: [annoyed] "It's all because of a dress!"

[Nat looks in her dresser and finds her usual attire, she takes off her dress and tosses it aside, she puts on her sweater and jeans. She opens her front door and steps outside. At first when her door opens there is a cheer but when she steps out it becomes silent.]

Nat: [annoyed] "See I'm not wearing the dress anymore! You can all stop giving me false affection!"

[As she says that they all turn around and walk away, Edd however makes a face of guilt before walking away as well. Nat closes her door.]

[Nat throws the dress in the trash with tears in her eyes when she hears a soft knock on her door. She wipes her eyes and goes to answer it. She slightly opens her door to peek and when she sees it's Edd she opens it slightly more.]

Nat: "Double D?"

Edd: [nervous] "H-Hello Nat."

Nat: "Not to be rude but why are you here?"

Edd: "I have come to talk, may I come in?"

Nat: [looking around] "Are you alone?"

Edd: "Yes I am alone."

Nat: [hesitating for a moment] "Sure come in."

[Edd enters Nat's house. She closes the door.]

Nat: "What did you want to talk about?"

Edd: "I need to apologize for my irrational behavior towards you."

Nat: "Thank you Double D that means a lot."

[Edd then notices Nat's dress in the trash.]

Edd: "You have disposed of your dress."

Nat: "Yeah I'm never wearing it again."

Edd: "May I ask why?"

Nat: "Because it gave me the wrong kind of attention, I don't want to be noticed for what I wear, I want to be noticed for me as a person."

Edd: "I understand Nat though I must say that dress did look wonderful on you."

Nat: [blushing] "Thank you Double D."

Edd: [also blushing] "Y-Your welcome Nat."

[Edd and Nat smile at each other until she notices his hands behind his back.]

Nat: "Are you holding something?"

Edd: "O-Oh yes I wanted to give you this."

[Edd reveals a jar containing a caterpillar and a flower. Nat is about to take it when she hesitates.]

Nat: "Did you get this for me while I was wearing the dress?"

Edd: "Well actually I contained this after I left your house along with everyone else."

Nat: "Really?"

Edd: "Yes I was ashamed of my behavior towards you so I went to the park and contained a caterpillar and flower to offer to you as a token of apology."

Nat: "Well Double D that's very sweet of you." [She hugs him and takes the jar] "I accept your apology." 

Edd: "I'm relieved to hear you say that."

[Nat smiles]

Edd: "Well I shall not disturb you any longer."

Nat: "No it's ok it's just I've had enough attention for one day."

Edd: "Of course, goodnight Nat."

Nat: "Goodnight Double D."

[Edd exits Nat's house. She turns to the trash where she threw her dress out. She then smiles and takes the dress out. She opens the door and sees Edd walking to his house. She smiles and blows a kiss to him before closing the door.]


	66. Ed or Tails

Eddy: [running a scam] "This'll just take a second, Jimmy boy. Are you boring?"

Jimmy: "Gee, Eddy, I uh–"

Eddy: "Boring! Good!" [He checks it off on a clipboard.] "Do you lack a life?"

Jimmy: "I, I've really got to–"

Eddy: "Check! Pay attention, curlicue! Are you unconshe–unconshi–" [He shows the checklist to Edd, who is dressed as a clown.]

Edd: "Unconscious, Eddy."

Eddy: "Dead from the neck up?"

[Jimmy stays silent.]

Eddy: "Check! Congratulations." [He shoves the clipboard in Jimmy's face.] "You're dull! Why strain to be funny? You just need to rent a clown." [He points to the sign. Nat is standing under it.] "Our new out-of-the-box clowns are guaranteed to get rib-cracking laughs or your money back." [He swats Edd's box.]

Edd: "I'm so embarrassed."

Eddy: "Laugh, clown, laugh." [He hands Edd a horn, and Edd toots it.] "Woo hoo hoo! Ain't he a riot?"

Jimmy: [walking away confused] "Sarah?" [The other kids take notice of the scam.]

Eddy: [picking up a cream pie] "I can see you're perplexed. How 'bout a free demo? Slappy."

Edd: "Slappy?"

[Ed, also a clown, pushes Edd into the pie.]

Ed: "Howdy, kids! It's me, Slappy!" [He toots the horn, which has landed on Edd's upturned butt.]

Edd: "Oh dear." [Ed lets out another honk.] "Oh my."

Kevin: [unimpressed] "Clowns? Is that the best you could come up with? That's so dork star, I swear." [Eddy looks behind him and snickers upon laying his eyes on a tiny car.]

Rolf: "Rolf comes from a long line of village buffoons, Kevin. Do not mock the clown."

Kevin: "You're kidding, right?"

Edd: "AAAH!" [He and Ed are jammed into the car. They hit a fence.]

Ed: "It's me again, Slappy!"

Edd: "Heavens!"

Ed: "Slappy I am!"

[The car zooms off out of control.]

Edd: "Not again. Nat! Eddy! Help!"

[The car knocks Jonny over and hits a lamppost. It disappears around a corner as the lamppost falls to the ground.]

Edd: "Help! Oh. No! Please!"

Nat: "Hang on guys!" [She runs after them]

Eddy: "Is that gold or what?" [The kids look at him angrily.] "What is this, the cul-de-sac of the living dead? This is funny stuff here!" [The kids walk away.]

[The car comes to Ed's door.]

Ed: "Slap slap happy slappy!"

[The car hits the doorstep and overturns, tossing away the costumes. Nat shows up and helps them out.]

Eddy: [grumpy] "Ingrates! Will you guys quit fooling around?!"

[Eddy falls against the wall of Ed's house, and a package falls out of the mailbox.]

Edd: "Are you all right, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Stupid box! Who would mail a–" [He looks the package over.] "It's addressed to you, Ed."

Edd: "Ed gets mail?" [He sees Eddy tearing open the wrapping.] "WHAT IN SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING?! You're violating Ed's privacy, Eddy. A federal offense, I might add."

Ed: "Somebody loves me!" [He begins shoveling out styrofoam peanuts. Soon enough, he tunnels through the box and shovels out dirt clumps.]

Nat: "Ed?"

Eddy: "Hey Lumpy!" [He picks up the box and looks through it.]

Ed: "No way! They came! My limited edition Slovak jawbreakers. Look!"

Eddy: "Jawbreakers?"

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: "You don't say!"

Ed: "I ordered them from the back of this comic book, see?" [He shows the ad to his friends.] "Two free and I ordered it."

Edd: "Two?"

Eddy: "Two?"

Nat: "There's only two."

Ed: "And I will share them with my pals, one for each of us. That's you, he, her, and I."

Eddy: "Ed! How many times does two go into four? Think!"

[Ed thinks. An entire day passes.]

Ed: "We are four, and you are three!" [He drops his friends and continues to stare at the candy.]

Eddy: "Should we tell him?"

Edd: "He's a big boy, Eddy."

[Realization dawns on Ed.]

Ed: "Uh oh! There's not enough!" [depressed] "Please, take them, friends."

Eddy: [excited] "Sweet!"

Edd: "But Ed, we couldn't!"

Nat: "They're your jawbreakers!"

Ed: [sad] "It is okay. Enjoy them. I will just find a rock."

[Eddy tears through the packaging guiltlessly and takes a jawbreaker. He gives the other to Nat.]

Edd: [places a ruler in Eddy's mouth to stop Eddy from eating the jawbreaker] "You're so predictable, Eddy. Have you no shame in depriving our friend of his jawbreakers? Look at him!" [He indicates Ed, who is sniffling in an overturned birdbath.]

Eddy: [guiltily] "Gee, Double D..." [happy] "I guess not!" [He tries to eat it. Edd catches it.]

Edd: "Eddy! The only fair thing to do is divide these jawbreakers into four equal shares. Follow me, please."

[Ed has moved to the Playground's sandbox. Edd wheels a fridge in while Nat carries the jawbreakers. Eddy follows behind. After setting the items somewhere, Eddy comes back and puts Ed on the end of a teeter-totter. The fridge on the other end is lifted by Nat. Edd wheels an anvil below the fridge and puts a jawbreaker on it. After doing final calculations, he signals Eddy who then entices Ed off the seesaw by throwing a bone, which Ed goes after. The fridge comes down on the jawbreaker, and the jawbreaker takes off like a bullet. It goes through a few fences and a house.]

[Jonny is playing football with Plank.]

Jonny: "Blue twenty-two. Hut!"

[Jonny snaps the ball to Plank. The ball hits Plank and knocks him towards the house.]

Jonny: "I'm going deep, buddy!"

[The jawbreaker breaks through the front door and slams into Plank.]

Jonny: "Lemme have it! I'm wide open, Plank!"

[The jawbreaker and Plank slam into his open mouth.]

Eddy: [from the door] "Hey, gimme that back! Jonny's got our jawbreaker!"

Ed: "Founder!"

Jonny: [jawbreaker and friend in cheek] "Well whaddya know! I got a jawbreaker, Plank!"

Plank:

Jonny: "What?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Can't breathe?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Where are ya, buddy?"

Eddy: [to Ed] "Get off!" [to Edd] "Now we only got one!"

Edd: "Are you insinuating it was my fault we lost the other jawbreaker?"

Eddy: "Face it, Orville. You've failed."

Edd: [angry] "Now you've done it! Take that!" [He tries to shove Eddy but only pushes himself back.]

Ed: "Hey! Slow down, partner. We still got one to–EDDY!" [Eddy is about to eat it when Ed stretches his head into the back of his mouth, with the jawbreaker taking off.] "That's my jawbreaker!"

[The jawbreaker lands in Edd's hands.]

Eddy: "It's mine!" [He begins fighting Edd.]

Edd: "Keep your hands off our jawbreaker!"

Ed: "Fight." [He leaps in.]

[Nat just facepalms and sighs]

[The Eds' tussle moves over to the sidewalk, where Rolf is carrying groceries. He drops the groceries and picks up the friends.]

Rolf: "Excuse me, Ed-boys, but Rolf must discipline the nanny goats!" [He bangs their heads together and drops them.] "You make Rolf sick! If you must quarrel over the orb of rapture, it must be done with honor!" [He thumps his chest.] "A competition of shrewdness!"

Edd: "Sounds intriguing."

Rolf: "A tournament of bravery!"

Ed: "Could you pull my finger, Rolf?"

Rolf: "No."

[Ed cries.]

[Jonny, Plank, Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz are gathered to watch the competition.]

Jimmy: "A rivalry for supremacy gives me shivers, Sarah."

Rolf: "Silence!" [He wheels in a wheelbarrow. In the barrow are three ladles. Each ladle has three eggs in it.] "As our competitors must bear out one objective: to balance these eggs within the ladle of valor!"

[The Eds each take a ladle.]

Ed: "Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs."

Edd: "Oh dear."

Eddy: "Careful there pal." [Eddy slaps Edd on the back, causing the eggs to jump.]

Rolf: "Not easy, I tell you. As they must skedaddle down and circle the goat of maturity, skedaddle back to finish, and claim the ball of sweetness." [Nat hangs the jawbreaker from a tree limb.]

Eddy: "Let's make this more interesting, The winner also gets a kiss from Nat."

Nat: "What?!"

Edd: "Eddy she is not a prize to be won!"

Eddy: [ignoring Edd] "Save those lips for me baby!"

[Nat makes a disgusted face]

Rolf: "Gladiators, ready?" [Ed stands at the start.] "Prepare yourselves." [Eddy pours glue on his eggs. Edd puts out a wheeled contraption.]

Jimmy: "Be still, my heart."

Sarah: "What are they doing out there?" [Eddy ties Ed's shoelaces together.]

Nazz: "It looks like they're cheating!"

Kevin: "Aw, this is gonna be rad!"

Rolf: "Set!"

[Edd sets up a fan to propel him. The Eds stand at the ready.]

Rolf: "Go."

[A sail folds up out of Edd's helmet and he takes off. Eddy just runs.]

Eddy: "Last one out's a rotten egg!"

[Ed takes one step forward and trips, falls, and drops the ladle. The eggs splatter. He has lost.]

Eddy: "One down and one Double D to go." [He moves the inside track so it leads to a mailbox.] "Crash!"

Sarah: "Hey Rolf, are you blind?"

Jonny: "They're breaking the rules!"

Rolf: [chomping on his grapes] "Yes, a fine performance."

[On the course, Edd zooms through the relaid line.]

Edd: "Cliché cartoon antics, Eddy? Is that all you've got?" [He presses a button, and a watering can appears.]

Eddy: "It's in the bag!"

[The can waters the grass in front of Eddy, and the grass shoots up.]

Eddy: "What the–"

Rolf: "Bravo!"

Jonny: "Good on ya!"

Sarah: "Holy mackerel!"

[Edd presses another button and a lawnmower appears, allowing him to tunnel through the grass.]

Rolf: "Witty. Very witty."

Ed: [still on the ground] "Huh?"

Eddy: [leaping down] "Hey, Double D. You got grass stains on your sock."

Edd: "Curse this pasture-related plant."

Rolf: "Could this be?"

[Eddy zips past Edd, who is busily washing his sock.]

Eddy: "See ya, sap."

Rolf: "Yes, this is!"

Ed: [standing up] "Oh Eddy! Your hair is on backwards! Um, or stained, or...um..."

Rolf: "Yes? Go on, Ed-boy."

Ed: "Eddy! Oh look, it's Rolf!"

Eddy: "Give it up, Ed." [A remote controlled car with a mirror attached to it comes up in front of Eddy.] "Hey good lookin, what's cookin?" [The machine turns around.] "Hey! I ain't done looking yet!" [Eddy gives chase.]

Edd: [passing Eddy] "Narcissistic ninny!" [He trips over Victor.]

Eddy: "Huh?" [He turns around.]

Kevin: "Nice spill, dork!"

Rolf: "The goat of maturity is a difficult maneuver."

Ed: "Oh Eddy!"

Eddy: "What?" [Ed is sitting at a table for two set with a turkey dinner.]

Ed: "I got cranberry sauce!"

Eddy: [passing the crashed Edd] "Suckers!"

Jonny: "Eddy's on the home stretch!"

[With a formidable lead, Eddy chooses to jump into a bush and stick his leg out in order to trip Edd.]

Edd: "I'd be careful if I were you, Eddy." [He presses the lawnmower button, and Eddy lets him pass.]

Ed: "Oh Eddy!" [He pops out of a toaster and beckons to Eddy.]

Sarah: [excited] "Double D's gonna win!"

Edd: "I am?" [excited] "I am!"

[Edd doesn't see that Eddy is riding on the back of his machine.]

Eddy: "In your dreams, fuzz boy!" [He hangs the fan from a tree.] "Thank you, thank you, and thank you." [Edd angrily wiggles his shoe to the edge of his toe.] "Don't mess with the best!"

Edd: [calculating angles] "Well Eddy, you have yet to mess with the rest!" [He kicks his shoe off.]

Ed: "Oh Eddy!"

Eddy: "Ed, shut up."

[Eddy turns around to see that Ed has taken the jawbreaker. Apparently the course, the eggs, and in fact everything else in the competition could have been foregone, and the Eds could have taken the direct route.]

Rolf: "The simple Ed-boy is victor!"

Ed: "Hi Mom!"

[Edd's shoe hits Eddy on the back of the head. Eddy goes flying forward and heads the jawbreaker away. Ed chomps down on Eddy's head.]

Eddy: "Ed, remind me to lend you some floss." [Ed pulls Eddy out.] "Follow that jawbreaker, Ed! Hey! It's mine, Double D!"

Ed: "Ready or not, here I come!"

[The sphere rolls down a fence by the creek, staying perfectly balanced on the top. The Eds and Nat arrive at the same post and push it out.]

Ed: "Gotcha!"

[The Eds leap for the jawbreaker and push it away, into the creek. They follow it into the cold, cold water.]

Eddy: [surfacing] "Where's the jawbreaker!"

Edd: "Oh dear! Ed!"

[Ed is sitting underwater.]

Ed: "It is lost, guys."

Eddy: "Find it, Ed!" [The Eds begin to search furiously.] "Gimme a break, will ya?"

Ed: "Come back, Slovak jawbreaker, wherever you are!"

[Nat facepalms and sighs as she goes in the water to get them out.]

[It is night, and the hunt is still going on. Nat manages to get Edd and Eddy out]

Edd: [shivering on the bank] "Oh let's go home! I'm soaked to the marrow! Our mothers must be worried sick!" [Eddy squeezes water from his shirt.] "Besides, the jawbreaker would surely have dissolved by now."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "I almost had it! But you had to be a Mr. Goody-Goody Two Shoes." [mocking] "Let's share it."

Ed: "Found it!"

Eddy: [excited] "Ed?"

Ed: [jawbreaker in cheek] "I found it, guys and girl!"

Eddy: "Aw, man, he's already eaten it!"

Ed: "But it is so good, Eddy."

Edd: [yearningly] "Tell me Ed, what flavor is it?"

Eddy: [rolling up his sleeve] "Does it taste like a fist?"

Ed: "Uh, nope. It sorta tastes like chicken."

[Ed unfurls his tongue to reveal that he is sucking on a gigantic snail.]

Ed: "Try some."

Edd, Nat & Eddy: "Gah!"

Ed: "No?" [He pulls it back in.] "Okey-dokey!"

[Nat makes a disgusted face.]

Edd: [indignant] "Ed! You let that poor creature out right this min–" [Eddy clamps his hands over Edd's mouth.]

Eddy: "Gee, Ed. You're so lucky. I wish I was you."

Ed: "Yep, life is good, Eddy!"

[The snail pokes its head out of Ed's ear.]

Ed: "Yum."

Eddy: "So Nat who gets that kiss?"

[Nat stares in shock. She nervously smiles as all three Eds stare at her]

Nat: "U-Um you know I should get home, my parents are probably worried about me." [she takes a couple steps back then runs away]

Eddy: "Aw c'mon Nat I won! I deserve that kiss!" [he chases after her]

Edd: "Eddy you leave her alone!" [he chases after Eddy]

Ed: "Ready or not, here I come!" [he chases after Nat]


	67. Gimme, Gimme Never Ed

Edd: [as Jimmy squeals] "That's it, Jimmy. Now, distribute your weight. You can do it. Balance."

Jimmy: "That tickles."

Edd: "Yes. Now try standing."

Jimmy: "Don't let me fall!" [A shirtless Jimmy works his way upright.] "Hot diggity dog, I'm surfing!"

Nat: "Good job Jimmy!"

[Jimmy is in a kiddie pool, standing on a wooden plank for a board with Edd and Nat supporting him.]

Eddy: [dressed as a lifeguard] "Not quite there, mini kahuna. But if you're brave enough, we at Ed's surf school will teach you how to–" [he kicks Ed, who is posing as a soda vending machine, and receives a can full of soda] "–flip the lip, hang 10, or shave the barrel. For an additional fee, of course. Can you handle it?"

Jimmy: "I'm stoked! Teach me, teach me!" [He grabs at Edd.] "Aah! Don't let go, don't let go!"

Edd: [strangled] "I wouldn't think of it, Jimmy."

Nat: "Lean on me for support Jimmy."

Eddy: "Check out these moves, Jimmy boy." [He demonstrates on dry land.] "Easy as 1 2 3. Ed, we need the wave!"

Jimmy: "Wave?"

Edd: "Purely metaphorical, Jimmy. What Eddy means is–"

Jimmy: "Aaah!" [He points upwards.] "Help!"

[Ed is on top of the lifeguard tower.]

Ed: "Ready or not, here I am!" [He jumps.]

[A giant wave crushes part of the fence. Jimmy rides it for dear life. After it breaks and the water washes away, Edd, Nat, Eddy, and Jimmy lie shivering on the ground. Jonny approaches.]

Jonny: "You guys have more fun than a barrel full of monkeys! What's that Plank?"

Plank:

Jonny: "You wanna surf too? Why, you'd swell up bigger than a breadbox!"

Eddy: "Well, step right up to Ed's Surf–" [He stops. Ed has destroyed the scam.]

Ed: "Are we having fun yet? Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Eddy: [quietly] "Oh, you'll have fun." [loud] "Healing, after I get through–"

Jonny: "Too bad. Plank was just aching to try a new ride!" [Eddy signals that Jonny's crazy.] "One time Plank went on a roller-coaster 119 times in a row. I chucked biscuits after that! Didn't I, buddy? Why, Plank spent his whole allowance that day! A regular Rockefeller!"

Eddy: [interested] "Plank gets an allowance? Have I got a ride for you!" [He throws Plank across the yard.]

Jonny: "Plank?" [He runs to retrieve his friend.]

Eddy: "Nice ride, huh Plank? That'll be twenty-five cents."

Jonny: "Plank says you throw like a toothpick, Eddy! He won't pay for kiddie rides!"

Eddy: "Well you tell that doorstop that Eddy's got a ride that'll round his corners. And it's cheap cheap cheap!"

Jonny: "Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy."

Eddy: "I'll take that as a yes."

Edd: "I object! My skin is still pruned from that surf-school fiasco!"

Nat: "I should get changed first."

Eddy: "Ed, who are we to deny Plank the thrill ride of a lifetime? Let's get to work! Who says money can't buy happiness?"

Ed: [to Plank] "Hello, my name is Ed." [Hearing nothing, he puts his ear to Plank.]

Edd: "Save your energy, Ed, we have lumber to bilk."

[Ed, Nat and Edd are blowing up rubber bumpers around some wheeled chairs.]

Jonny: "I said sorry, buddy! I forgot the camera at home!"

Eddy: "Okay, Jonny boy, cough up a quarter for the ride."

Jonny: "Don't look at me." [He moves Eddy's hand to Plank.] "Give Eddy his quarter, Plank."

[Eddy waits for nothing.]

Plank:

Jonny: "Plank says he's broke!"

Eddy: [walking away] "No cash, no bumper car ride."

Plank:

Jonny: "I'll spot you this time, but you better learn to pinch your pennies, mister!"

Eddy: [taking it] "What a pal."

Jonny: "Now get in there and bump 'em!"

Eddy: [faking fear] "Plank's gonna bump us? Oh no! Plank's gonna bump us!" [He laughs.] "What's he gonna do, board us to death?" [He laughs again.] "Oh look, I'm scared stiff! Stiff as a board!"

Ed: "Board jokes are funny!"

Nat: "C'mon Eddy."

Edd: "Eddy, that's enough!"

Eddy: "What? Jealous you can't come up with a board joke?"

[Plank skids into the middle of the Eds and Nat. He sends them bouncing into each other and off the sides of the arena. The Eds and Nat's cars slowly lose their momentum and come to a halt. When they stop, they break down.]

Nat: "Wow that was fun!"

Jonny: "That-a-boy, buddy! Way to go, pal! Right on!"

Ed: "Yippee! Ha ha!" [He bumps into Plank's cart, and Plank falls into his lap.] "No need to say anything, Plank, as I would not hear it anyway."

Jonny: "Plank says bumper cars are for chickens and whoever thought that up should have their brain lacquered! Boy buddy, now that's harsh."

Edd: [trying to hold back an enraged Eddy] "Now Eddy, let's not do anything hasty. It's an inanimate object, for Pete's sake!"

Nat: "Eddy please listen to him!"

Jonny: "What's that, Plank? Another ride? You're starting to get that look again, mister!"

Eddy: "How was I supposed to know Plank was such an animal? I got something tucked away that's sure to curl his shavings."

[Eddy is announcing a dangerous ride in the construction site to Jonny.]

Eddy: "Here's a ride that's sure to turn Plank's endgrain. Welcome to the Log of No Return. It's fast, thrilling, and worst of all, doused with depraved, upset, wood-eating termites!"

Ed: "Show 'em how it works, Lumpy!" [He holds a wooden chair over the log, and the termites instantly devour it.]

Jonny: "Holy cow!"

Eddy: "Will Plank survive? Or turn into lunch for the really miffed termites?"

Edd: "You're scaring him, Eddy!" [to Jonny] "Rest assured, Jonny, all safety precautions have been taken. As safety is our prime–"

Eddy: "That'll be fifty cents. So'll that be cash or–"

Jonny: "Fifty cents? The last ride was a quarter! C'mon, Plank!"

[As he walks away, Jonny's face softens.]

Jonny: "What'd you say?"

Plank:

Jonny: "You're bumming me out, buddy!"

Plank:

Jonny: "All right, all right!" [He hands Eddy two quarters.]

Ed: "You lucky dog, you!" [He grabs Plank.] "Arf arf!"

Jonny: [as Ed's about to launch] "Wait, I changed my mind!"

[Plank shoots up the ramp in his roller skate. At the top, the skate falls off, and Plank is airborne. Termites mass at the point where the wood should come down. Inches above it, Plank's parachute inflates, and he floats safely out of reach.]

Jonny: "Plank! You get back here!"

Nat: "Oh no." [She chases after Plank.]

Edd: "Guo......darn it!" [He runs after Plank.]

Ed: "Double D almost said a bad word, Eddy." [He gallops after Edd.]

Eddy: "Hey, hold on a second! What about the candy store? I got seventy-five cents, where ya goin?"

[Plank drifts lazily until he hits a tree and wedges in its branches.]

Jonny: "Oh, brother. You get down from there! Your insatiable thrill-seeking's giving me an ulcer!"

Nat: "He's stuck!"

Edd: "I can't help but think–"

Eddy: "This is your fault! Safety precautions my foot. Bah, this is bunk. I'm hitting the candy store."

Ed: [grabbing Eddy] "Don't go, Eddy! Plank needs us!"

Jonny: "Plank says who needs that fatheaded no-neck chicken-livered geek anyway."

Eddy: "That's it!" [pushing his friends up the tree] "I've had it with that stick's mouth!"

Edd: "But Eddy, he's so high up!"

Eddy: "Shut up and climb!"

Edd: "Eddy, wait! You're dealing with a sapling!"

Ed: [the Eds now near the top] "I am scared, guys!"

Eddy: "Grab him, Double D!"

[Ed's jar of termites falls out of his pocket. Hungrily, they begin to devour the tree.]

Jonny: "Termites!"

Ed: "Oops."

Edd: "Termites?"

[The termites finish off the tree, and Ed, Edd, Eddy, and Plank fall down.]

The Eds: "Termites!" [They land in the creek with a splash.]

Jonny: "I got you, buddy!"

Eddy: "Rats!"

Edd: "I'm wet!"

[Jonny uses the Eds heads as stepping stones.]

Eddy: "Hey!"

Jonny: "Hang on, Plank!"

Ed: "You're welcome!"

[On the other side of the creek, Jonny catches Plank.]

Eddy: "That guy's really getting on my nerves!"

Jonny: "Are you happy now, Mr. Troublemaker?"

Eddy: [floating downstream] "The water's kinda brisk on the pants, huh Double D?"

[Nat jumps in the water after The Eds. They go down a waterfall screaming.]

[The Eds and Nat come to the end of the creek, where Jonny is waiting. Nat pulls them out.]

Jonny: "You won't believe this, guys, but this crazy kid wants to go on another ride."

Eddy: "No way!"

Edd: "Plank's appetite for death-defying rides almost got us killed!"

Eddy: "Why don't you take that thing home and– stain it or something."

Jonny: "Plank says, let's talk cash."

Eddy: "I'm listening."

Jonny: "Plank says, you need a breathmint, Eddy."

[Eddy is showing Jonny a fearsome rollercoaster.]

Eddy: "You want it, you got it! Welcome to Requiem for a Whiplash!"

Jonny: [nervous] "Sure looks hairy, Plank."

Plank:

Jonny: [defiant] "I'm not a sissy! You better be nice to me!"

Nat: "I don't know about this."

Edd: [under a load of tools and blueprints] "Oh I'm tired. So tired. Without limitation, truly tired. Utterly, unequivocally tired."

Ed: [holding up a potato] "This is my lucky potato, Plank! May it serve you well. Here you go."

[Ed gives Plank the potato, which falls to the ground.]

Eddy: "As you can see, we're talking a high-class vomit-inducing ride here. It'll cost you a buck to ride."

Jonny: [shocked] "One dollar? Plank, I got a feeling these guys are taking us for a ride!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Are you warped, Plank? You're telling me if the Eds and Nat ride with you you'll give Eddy five bucks?"

Nat: "What?"

Edd: [sweating] "As generous as that may be, I really don't think–" [Eddy hits him with a shopping cart.]

Eddy: "All aboard the money train! We're gonna be rich! Drowning in cash! Swimming in moolah!" [The cart stops at the start.] "Top of the heap, baby!"

Jonny: "Eddy! Don't listen to Plank! He's just looking for kicks!"

Edd: "Jonny's right, Eddy. Plank's just up to–"

Eddy: "Don't rain on my parade, Sockhead!" [to Jonny] "Hand over the gullible little hunk of wood." [He realizes Plank is missing.] "Where'd he go?"

Ed: "He is over there, the little rascal."

Nat: [nervous] "What is he doing?"

[Plank is leaning against a rock. He falls forward onto a step, tripping the wires that hold the cart back. The cart starts to move onto the ride.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Plank has turned the tables, Eddy."

Eddy: "What a weasel!"

Ed: "The little dickens."

Eddy: "I want my FIVE-"

[The ride starts. The Eds and Nat go down the hill full tilt.]

Jonny: "What a horrible way to go!" [to Plank] "Nice trick, you sneak, you."

Ed: [riding with his friends] "Faster, pussycat, faster!"

Eddy: "Ed, give it a break, willya?"

Ed: "You got it, Eddy!"

[Ed sticks his head out behind and rips up the boards with his teeth. The cart goes off a hill and the Eds and Nat fall out. Eddy lands on the board. Edd lands on top of him. Nat lands on top of him. Ed lands on top of his friends.]

Ed: "Giddyap, horsey!"

[The cart lands on top of them and flips right-side up. The wheels fall off and the axles spark against the wood.]

Jonny: [watching through binoculars] "Look at the sparks, Plank!"

Ed: [not scared at all] "Let's sing a song!"

[The cart slides into a giant half-cylinder and stops dead. The cylinder tips over and points at the sky. A ticking, like that of a time bomb, is heard.]

Edd: [scared] "Oh dear. Curse my avid inventing."

Eddy: "What?"

[A bell rings and a spring shoots the Eds and Nat skyward. Above Jonny, six quarters fall out of the sky.]

Jonny: "Well whaddya know, we got a refund, Plank!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Hey Eddy, Plank says you owe him a buck for the ride!" [He sniggers.] "Good one, buddy."


	68. My Fair Ed

[The episode opens with various foodstuffs flying about Edd's kitchen.]

Ed: "If only we had a sack of potatoes." [A sack of potatoes lands on the floor.]

Eddy: "It's mine, Ed!" [Eddy grabs the bag and drags it off-screen. The potatoes fly out, followed by the sack.]

Ed: "Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs." [Edd and Nat enter, carrying a sack of groceries.]

Edd: "I'd really like to thank you fellows and lady for helping me carry in the–" [He spots the pandemonium.] "–groceries?"

Nat: [spotting it too] "Your...welcome?"

Eddy: [pulling out a jar] "You've gotta be kidding me! Reconstituted fava bean paste?"

Edd: "Excuse me, but if you must know, fava beans are high in protein. And quite delectable on saltines."

Eddy: "What else you got?" [He pulls out bacon.] "What's this stuff? Where's the junk food?"

Edd: "Look, I appreciate yours and Ed's help, but–" [He looks around.] "Where's Ed?"

Nat: "I don't know."

Ed: [bursting out of a bag of vegetables] "I say tomato!"

Eddy: "Yeah? Well I say you're an idiot!" [Eddy squeezes the bag, sending Ed skyward.]

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Edd: "Gentlemen, please!"

Ed: [flipping] "Alley-oop!" [He starts coming down, heading for a bag of fruits. Edd pulls them away.]

Edd: "Have you two lost your senses? You could have bruised my bananas!"

Nat: "Not the bananas!"

Eddy: [fumbling in a bag] "Oh, Ed. Wanna try some–" [evilly] "broccoli?" [He pulls out the food.]

Ed: "No! Not the broccoli!"

Edd: "Eddy, show my produce some respect."

Eddy: "C'mon, Ed. Just a little bite." [He chases Ed.]

Ed: "Stay away, puffy green stalky thing!" [He runs through the screen door.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Not the screen again, Ed! Father hasn't recovered from the last time you–"

Eddy: "Eat it, Ed!"

[Edd pulls the ruined screen door open for Eddy.]

Edd: "Eddy! That broccoli belongs to my family!"

Nat: "Guys please come back!"

Sarah: "Jimmy, that's neato! It looks so real!" [She is referring to a unicorn Jimmy has painted on a fence.]

Jimmy: "Not to brag, but unicorns are my specialty, Sarah."

[The section of fence suddenly moves forwards towards Jimmy and Sarah.]

Sarah: "IT'S ATTACKING, JIMMY!"

Jimmy: "Everyone stay calm! Don't panic!"

[The fence makes a u-turn and shoves Jimmy and Sarah against another section of wood. Ed peels himself off of it, as he was pushing the fence forward. Eddy jumps in.]

Eddy: "Aha! Eat the broccoli!"

Ed: "Go away, pursuer of pain!" [He gallops off.]

Eddy: "Ed, get back here!" [Ed runs into an outhouse.] "C'mon, Ed! It won't kill ya!"

[Ed leaps up and mows through a field of eggplant.]

Ed: "Broccoli bad for Ed! Make him stop!"

[Eddy follows Ed and destroys whatever Ed didn't wreck.]

Rolf: [crawling from the downed outhouse] "Can't Rolf have one moment of peace?" [He sees the destroyed garden.] "MY EGGPLANTS!"

[Nazz is riding on the handlebars of Kevin's bike.]

Nazz: "Awesome, Kev!"

[Ed runs under the bike, sending it bouncing on its back tire.]

Ed: "Run! Run for your lives!"

Kevin: "Wipeout!"

Nazz: "Not cool!"

[Nazz flies off the handlebars, and Kevin is quick to lose all remaining control. He and Nazz land stuck in a lamppost.]

Ed: "Have pity!"

Eddy: "Eat it, Ed!"

Kevin: [angry] "Eds."

Jonny: "Where ya goin, Ed?"

[Ed runs past Jonny, spinning Jonny around.]

Jonny: [dizzy] "Woo hoo! What a ride! Far out, huh, buddy?" [He sees Plank is gone.] "Plank?" [He looks to Ed.] "Hey, you!"

[Ed is holding Plank. Eddy leaps out from a street corner.]

Eddy: "Gotcha! Prepare to scarf the–" [Ed smacks Eddy's hand with the board.] "YOWCH! That hurt, Ed."

Ed: "Gee Eddy, I'm sorry." [He tosses Plank over his shoulder and catches the broccoli.] "Ah ha!"

Eddy: "AAAH!"

Ed: [chasing Eddy] "Devour the broccoli, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Quit it, Ed!"

Nat: "Guys wait!"

Edd: [on a corner behind them] "Ed! Eddy! Control yourselves!" [Plank falls into his hands.]

Jonny: [high-strung] "Hand over my pal!"

Edd: "Why certainly, Jonny."

[Edd hands Plank back to Jonny, who glares at him.]

Jonny: [walking away] "Boy, if I wasn't so peace-loving I'd..."

Edd: "But Jonny, I–" [Rolf shows Edd a tiny coffin.]

Rolf: "Double D Ed-boy, look! [Rolf opens the coffin to reveal a destroyed eggplant.] Shed a tear for the once-proud eggplant, it's round and supple life TRAMPLED by your NOODLE-HEADED PLAYFELLOWS!"

Sarah: "Hey, Double D, look what Ed and Eddy did to poor Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Why must an artist suffer so?"

Edd: [nervous] "Now, let's all remain calm–" [Kevin grabs him by the hat.]

Kevin: "We've had it with your troublemaking pals. You better put the kibosh on those dorks, or you'll be so sorry."

Edd: "They won't listen to me, I–no Kevin please, wait–no–"

[Nat gets in between Edd and Kevin]

Nat: "Everyone please calm down! This was not his fault!"

Kevin: "Well we gotta blame somebody!"

Nat: "Ok fine if that's the case how about you blame the ones who actually caused the destruction?!"

Sarah: "She does have a point."

Kevin: "Eh she's just trying to save his skin." [He glares at Edd] "Fix them or else."

Nat: "C'mon Double D."

[Nat walks away with Edd]

[Ed is running in circles around a tree. Eddy watches.]

Eddy: "Hurry, Ed, you almost got me!"

[Ed continues to run around the tree. Edd tugs on Eddy's shirt.]

Eddy: "Hey, hey, hey! Quit stretching the threads!"

Edd: "You and Ed have done it this time. Show some self-control! Your rambunctiousness has everyone infuriated!"

Eddy: "Tell 'em to stick it in their hat."

Edd: "Very well then. But promise you'll visit me at the sideshow. I'll be the boy with the pretzel legs. No salt. Ed can surely help you with your plethora of scams. Painting signs, thereby misspelling them, and decreasing your sucker quotient."

Eddy: "No wait! I can't help it, Double D! It's in my blood! We-we need help, that's all!"

Edd: "Just what I wanted to hear, Eddy. Let's begin, shall we?"

Ed: "Almost got you, Eddy!"

[Nat, Ed and Eddy are sitting at a table in Ed's backyard. Ed and Eddy have three band-aids on the back of their heads.]

Eddy: "Tell me again, Ed. Why are we wearing these bandages on our heads?"

Ed: "For free lunch from Double D, Eddy Ma-Gee!" [Both laugh uproariously.]

Eddy: "Tell me again, Ed, why?"

Ed: "Cuz Double D said so, Eddy the–uh–I don't know!" [They laugh. Edd brings out three steaming bowls.]

Eddy: "You're a riot, Ed."

Ed: "FOOD!"

Ed and Eddy: [chanting] "Food food food food food food food food food food food food–"

Edd: "Gentlemen, please."

Ed and Eddy: [chanting] "–food food food food food food food food food food food food–"

[Edd reaches and places a hand on Ed & Eddy's heads]

Eddy: "What the–" [Edd forcefully rips a bandaid off each of their heads]

Ed and Eddy: "Ow!"

Edd: "Now that I have your attention."

Eddy: [as he and Ed rub the backs of their sore heads] "Jumping Geronimo! What'd you do that for?"

Edd: [giving them the bowls] "It's to remind you of your manners, Eddy. A bracing dose for you two to comply and behave in a socially acceptable manner."

Eddy: "What a load of–" [complaining] "What is this slop, anyways? I thought we were gonna eat something, not bury it."

Edd: [indignant] "My mother made that soup!" [He tears off Eddy's second bandage.]

Eddy: "YOWCH!"

Nat: "It looks wonderful Double D."

Edd: "Thank you Nat." [he looks at Eddy] "Have a seat, please."

Ed: [laughing] "Naughty naughty! You watch yourself, mister!"

Edd: "It's not polite to laugh at others' misfortunes, Ed." [He rips Ed's second bandage off.]

Ed: "OUCH!"

Edd: "I'll be right back."

[When Eddy thinks Edd's back is turned, he rips Ed's last bandage off, only to be rewarded by the swift hand of justice.]

Eddy: "YOWCH! Why, I... Hey, that's three. No bandages left, Double D. Ha!"

Edd: [holding up a box of the things] "I'm well aware of that, Eddy, as you've only completed your first phase of the program."

Eddy: "Why doesn't Nat have bandages?!"

Edd: "Because she is already a well behaved young lady."

[Nat smiles and eats her soup]

Eddy: [with three new bandages] "This is so stupid!"

Edd: "Eat your soup, Eddy."

Eddy: "How'd you like to eat a knuckle–" [Edd raises his hand. Eddy remembers the swift pain that will follow and wisely decides to stay quiet.] "Uh–" [He turns to his soup.]

[Edd looks at Ed, who has steam coming from his ears. Edd tears off the first bandage, and tears come to his eyes, but he stays silent.]

Edd: "Ed."

[He takes the second one off. Ed's eyes water, and he opens his mouth. His tongue unfurls, revealing the steaming bowl of soup sitting there.]

Edd: "Ed, let this be a lesson to you. Never ingest the tableware."

Ed: "I am sorry, Double D. It was so wrong of me and it will not happen again." [Edd's eyes shine.]

Eddy: "May I interrupt? I seem to have finished my soup. I will wash it and put it away." [He gets up.]

Edd: "Stop where you are." [He stands right behind Eddy.] "I hope you're not planning on doing anything you might regret in my kitchen."

Eddy: "Me? No way, Double D. Those days are history."

Ed: "I learned good too, Double D!"

Nat: "I'm finished Double D, I can wash it myself."

Eddy: [taking the bowl] "Let me take that, Nat. Relax."

Ed: [following Eddy indoors] "Let me help, Eddy."

Edd: [starry-eyed] "I can't wait till the others see my progress."

Nat: "Hopefully they'll appreciate it."

[Jonny's kite is stuck in a tree. Jonny tugs at it hopelessly.]

Jonny: "For crying out loud! It's stuck!" [morose] "We're hooped, buddy." [He sits down at the base of the tree.] "Oh brother."

Nat: [walking by] "Hi Jonny."

Edd: [also walking by] "Good afternoon, Jonny."

Jonny: "Hiya Nat and Double D!"

Eddy: "Hey Jonny. Nice day huh?"

Jonny: "Eddy?"

Ed: "Jonny? What brings you to these parts?"

Jonny: "Ed, you okay?"

Ed: "Transformed! Why the long face, chum?"

Jonny: "Well...our kite's stuck in the tree!"

Ed: "Let me fix that for you, 'cause I'm a brand-new me!"

[Ed leaps up and bends the tree over. He catches the end of the kite in his teeth and lets go of the tree.]

Jonny: "Oh boy, thanks, Ed!" [Ed drops the kite, revealing a large bite taken out of the end. Sourly] "Thanks a lot."

[Rolf is scrubbing something in a bucket. Angrily, he rants.]

Rolf: "Rolf wash this, Rolf wash that. Why must Rolf remove the foul from Nano's finery?"

Eddy: "Why don't you let me do that, Rolfy boy?" [He takes over the cleaning.] "Your hands look pruned."

Rolf: [suspicious] "Rolf sees through your husky-boy masquerade. What mischief are you up to?"

Eddy: "Not one, Rolf. I'm a new guy."

Nat: "Double D helped."

Edd: "Totally reformed, Rolf. A little Pavlovian training has turned Ed and Eddy into upright fine fellows." [Rolf comes to the fence to talk shop.]

Rolf: "Good work, for one with such soft hands."

Nat: "That is true."

[Eddy grabs Rolf and throws him into the bucket.]

Eddy: "Next!"

Nat: [shocked] "What are you doing?"

Eddy: "Giving Rolf a hand. I could smell him a mile away."

Edd: "Oh dear, Eddy, you're relapsing!" [He peels off a bandage.]

Eddy: "YOWCH!"

Rolf: "Stay back!"

Eddy: "Oops. Musta missed a spot." [He scrubs harder.]

Edd: "This can't be happening."

Nat: "I fear it's just the beginning."

Kevin: "Let go of me, ya big ape!"

Ed: [brushing Kevin's teeth] "Up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down."

Nat: "Ed no!"

Edd: "Ed! Stop it! This is so wrong!"

Jimmy: "Aah! Help me!" [Eddy has tied Jimmy's shoes using his hair.]

Eddy: "Don't mention it, Jimmy." [He runs off to do more "good" deeds.]

Jimmy: "Aah! I'm getting stretch marks!"

Nat: "Hang on, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Mercy me!"

Edd: "Let us help." [He and Nat work to undo the knots. A completely soaked Rolf taps him.] "Oh, hello, Rolf."

Rolf: "Rolf was the son of a shepherd, now Rolf is the posterior of a duck!"

Nazz: [a bag over her head] "Yeah, well, you don't even want to know what they did to me!"

Jonny: "I'm sick just thinking about it!"

Sarah: [referring to Jimmy] "Someone's gonna pay for this!"

[The six angry kids surround Edd.]

Kevin: "I hate dorks."

Nat: "We should go." [She takes Edd's hand and runs away]

Edd: [running out the lane's entrance] "Ed? Eddy?" [The kids stomp out after him. Edd and Nat peek out from their hiding place behind a fire hydrant and then runs off to find their friends.]

[Eddy has dug up a garden.]

Eddy: "Ain't that pretty?"

Nat: "Please stop!"

Edd: [rushing up] "Stop it, stop it, stop it! Something's gone wrong! You've become worse!"

Eddy: [holding up a mangled flower] "Pesky weeds, Double D. No longer a problem."

Edd: "I've created a monster." [holding his fingers over Eddy's head] "Snap out of it, snap out of it, Eddy!" [He snaps his fingers and Eddy stops.] "Well?"

Eddy: "Let me help you with that." [He grabs Edd's hands.]

Edd: "Oh, Eddy, I'm so sorry, I've done something wrong! I should never have tried to change who you and Ed are!"

Nat: "What choice did you have?!"

[From behind him comes a grinding noise. Ed has ripped up all the lampposts and is about to service them.]

Ed: "I'm changing some light bulbs, Double D!" [Eddy sticks a Y-shaped stick under Edd's chin.]

Eddy: "There you go, pal! No problem!" [He walks away, intent on doing more "good" deeds.]

[Edd is on his doorstep, looking morose with only Nat keeping him company. She places a hand on his shoulder.]

Nat: "I'm so sorry Double D."

Edd: "No I blame myself, I made them this way."

Nat: "I don't blame you. I blame the others for making you feel that way." [She puts her arm around Edd]

Edd: "Thank you Nat, You may be the only one."

Eddy: "Greetings, Nat and Double D. You both look sad. May we be of assistance?"

Nat: [annoyed] "Haven't you two done enough?"

Edd: "Go away. I just want my old friends back."

Ed: "Would you like some help sitting?" [He and Eddy chuckle. Their chuckles soon turn into full-blown laughter.]

Eddy: "What a sap!"

Ed: "We fooled you all along, Double D!" [Edd's and Nat's brows tightens angrily.]

Eddy: [laughing] "Hook, line, and stinker!"

Ed: [serious] "Eddy, it is not polite to laugh at others."

[Ed and Eddy look at Edd. After a short pause, they break into laughter again. Edd and Nat become angrier.]

Eddy: "You're just too easy, Double D." [Edd and Nat have gone inside.] "Where'd they go?"

[Edd and Nat reappear, broccoli in their hands.]

Ed and Eddy: "BROCCOLI! RUN AWAY!"

Nat: [following them] "Come back here!"

Edd: [following them] "How dare you mess with my emotions!"

Eddy: "Can't you take a joke?" [Eddy runs in front of Kevin's bike. Kevin has to brake sharply to avoid him.]

Kevin: "Watch it, dork!"

Ed: "Broccoli bad for Ed!" [He runs through Kevin's bike, demolishing it.]

[Nat watches in shock. Edd watches with fear in his eyes as Kevin gets up. Edd quickly go inside and closes the door just as Kevin walks up, holding a broken handlebar behind his back.]

Kevin: "Hey, Double D! C'mere, I got something for ya!"

Edd: [inside] "Have mercy!"

Nat: "Alright that's it!" [Nat walks up to Kevin] "Kevin!"

Kevin: "Nat?"

Nat: "Leave Double D alone!"

Kevin: "But he-"

Nat: "He what? He didn't even touch your bike!"

Kevin: "But-"

Nat: "How about instead of going after the person who you think is responsible you go after the people who ACTUALLY DID IT?!"

[Kevin stares stunned for a moment]

Kevin: "You know your right, Hey Ed and Eddy get back here!" [He goes after them]

[Nat knocks on Edd's door]

Nat: "Double D it's me Nat your safe now."

[Double D slightly opens the door and when he sees Nat he opens it all the way and comes out.]

Edd: "Thank you Nat."

Nat: "Your welcome. Look you've had a rough day want to go inside and read a book?"

Edd: "I'd like that very much Nat."

[Edd and Nat smile as they go inside]


	69. Rock-a-Bye Ed

[Sarah is sitting in a chair watching TV while listening to her brother play with a paddleball. Annoyed, she moves closer to the TV.]

Ed: "Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth!"

[The sound is a constant, drumming on the edges of her consciousness, driving into her mind, slowly becoming all she hears.]

Sarah: "YAARAHOEHAAA!" [She grabs the toy.] "STOP IT!"

Ed: "Sarah, no!" [Sarah is about to cut the string. Ed yanks his toy away.]

Sarah: "Gimme it, Ed." [Ed shakes.] "What?" [angry] "You gimme that stupid thing or I'll–I'll–" [calm] "Fine. If that's the way you want it." [vengeful] "I'm telling Mom!"

Ed: "Don't tell Mom, Sarah!" [He rushes to the kitchen, where he sees Sarah about to tell on him.]

Sarah: "Mom? As much as I hate tattletaleing, I think you should know, Ed won't let me watch television." [She pouts exaggeratedly.]

Ed: "Mom, Sarah's fibbing! Honest and for truly!" [His mother takes off her rubber gloves.] "I was in my happy place, lost in the void of my mind!"

[Ed's mom turns around. She has Jonny's face.]

Ed's Mom: "Edward, how many times have I told you to be nice to your baby sister?" [Sarah sticks her tongue out.]

Ed: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

[Ed runs away. He runs down the hall full tilt only to suddenly find that he is moving upward. He looks down and finds himself on a spoon.]

Ed's Mom: "Don't you look at me like that!"

Ed: "AAAAAAHHH!! Please, Mom, it wasn't me!"

Ed's Mom: "I see we'll have to wipe that silly grin off your face, won't we?"

Ed: "But Mom, Sarah!" [His mouth disappears. His mom appears in a judge's chair made of Planks.]

Ed's Mom: "You are accused of shirking the responsibility of an older brother. What do you have to say for yourself, young man?" [Ed, mouthless, cannot form words.] "Has the jury reached a verdict?"

[The jury is composed of twelve Sarahs. The verdict is obvious.]

Sarahs: "Guilty."

Ed's Mom: "Well, Edward, as your mother, I sentence you to be thrown into... the Kanker pit!"

[She brings her spoon down on a rest, signaling that verdict has been passed and the trial is over. Ed's mouth reappears and he screams in horror. A pit opens beneath him, revealing sharklike Kankers waiting below.]

Ed: "Bad for Ed, Mommy! Bad for Ed!"

Ed's Mom: "This hurts me more than it does you, son."

[The chains holding him back release and he falls.]

Ed: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" [Cold water splashes over him. Ed is in his own bed; apparently the whole judge-jury sequence was a nightmare.]

Eddy: "I told you that would shut him up."

Nat: "Ed? Are you ok?

Edd: "You must have had a horrible dream."

Ed: "It was, Double D. I was in my happy place, and Sarah told my mom I did some–"

Eddy: "That's real wacky, Ed. But hey! Here's an idea!" [he waits a beat] "We gotta go."

Nat: "C'mon Eddy."

Edd: "Eddy! Nightmares can have lasting aftereffects. Why, there have been studies that correlated assimilations between the dream itself and the real world, if you will."

Eddy: "Aw, come on! Nazz invited us to her shindig! We never get invited to anything! I'm outta here."

Ed: [after Eddy leaves] "So anyways, the Kankers started kissing me in a pit and–"

Edd: "I didn't know we were invited." [He makes to leave.]

Nat: "Don't worry Ed, it was just a dream, come to the event with us to help you forget." [She makes to leave.]

Edd and Nat: "Coming Ed?"

Ed: "You betcha!" [He runs out of his room and into his washing machine. After a slight mishap, he jumps out dressed in his usual attire and follows his friends.]

[Jimmy turns on a tape and swirls some ribbons. He goes into a complicated gymnastics routine, competing well until the end, when he gets dizzy and falls over. Kevin, the judge, holds up a 1.]

Kevin: "What a waste of a life."

Jimmy: "Did I win, Sarah? Did I?"

Nazz: [running by] "Better luck next time, Jimmy." [She does a series of jumps.]

Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!"

Nazz: "Your turn, Sarah."

[The Eds and Nat arrive.]

Eddy: "What kind of party is this? Sports?"

Edd: "Gymnastics, Eddy. A series of exercises that develop and demonstrate strength, balance, and agility!"

Nat: "Sounds fun!"

Eddy: "Somersaults, hoop-de-hoops, and tippy-toes. All girly stuff!" [Sarah runs into him.]

Ed: "TIPPY-TOES!" [He happily runs into the park.]

Nat: "Go Ed!"

Edd: "That's the competitive spirit, Ed!"

Ed: "I'm a gymbag!" [He runs past Nazz and Jimmy.]

Nazz: "Hi, Ed. Glad you could make it."

Jonny: [turning around] "Hiya, Ed!"

[Ed, scared, skids to a stop. He looks up at Jonny, and memories of his nightmare echo in his head.]

Ed's Mom: "I see we'll have to wipe that silly grin off your face, won't we?"

[Ed turns and runs away.]

Ed: "WAAAA!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

[Edd is trying the ribbons.]

Edd: "Exhilarating."

Nat: "Hey Double D watch this!"

[Edd gives Nat the ribbons and does a graceful dance with them. Edd watches in astonishment.]

Nat: "What did you think?"

Edd: "Most impressive."

Ed: "Don't take my mouth! Don't take my mouth!"

Nat: "Ed?" [Ed hides in a tree.]

Edd: "Ed, stop it! Are you all right? I'm beginning to worry about you, Ed."

Nat: "I am too."

Eddy: "What's with him?"

Ed: "Jonny's mad at me, guys and girl!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy look over to Jonny.]

Jonny: "Grass is Mother Nature's wall-to-wall broadloom, buddy."

Edd: "Jonny's not mad at you, Ed."

Nat: "Please, come down."

Ed: "Uh uh!"

Eddy: "Get me a rock, I'll get him down."

Nazz: "Listen up, everybody! It's time for the balance beam!"

Jonny: "Isn't that what you want to be when you grow up, Plank?"

[Jonny gives Plank a friendly elbow to the side. Plank falls over, right into the path of Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Me first! Me first!" [He slips on Plank, sending the wood flying.]

Jonny: "I gotcha, buddy! I gotcha!" [Jonny miscalculates Plank's trajectory, and Plank rams into Jonny's head.]

Kevin: [laughing] "Looks good on ya, Jughead!" [He gives Jonny a 10.] "10 outta 10!"

Nazz: "Well, it's not really gymnastics, but it's original to say the least." [Nazz gives Plank a blue ribbon.]

Eddy: "Hey! Nazz is giving out ribbons! Quit your blubbering, Ed! Get down here and win me a ribbon! I love ribbons!"

Nat: "Eddy!"

Edd: "I am astounded by your callous, self-serving attitude to Ed's strange and distraught behavior! As a friend, you should be more–" [Ed's tree branch lands on Edd and Eddy.]

Ed: "Ribbons!" [He goes to join the games.]

Jimmy: [on the balance beam] "Look at me! I'm so graceful and petite!"

Ed: "Pardon me, miss." [He moves Jimmy off the board.] "I got it!" [He fails to mount the board.] "I got it!" [He can't get on the beam.] "I got it!" [Another fall.] "I got it!" [Crunch.] "I got it!"

Eddy: "HEY, JUDGE! Get ready to chalk down another winner." [Ed has managed to get on the beam.]

Ed: [flapping his arms as Edd and Nat watches] "Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Jonny: [at the other end of the beam] "You think he'll lay an egg, buddy?"

[Ed remembers again.]

Ed: "AAAH! I am a good brother! It was not my fault!" [He runs into Edd and Nat at the other end and falls at Jonny's feet.]

Jonny: "Boy, Ed, you're freakin' me out."

Ed: "AAAAAAHHHH!!!" [In his haste to escape, his body ties a knot around the beam. Nazz looks on, confused, and Kevin laughs. Edd and Nat appears worried about Ed.]

Eddy: "Ed's just warming up, some mumbo-jumbo stretching stuff. Athletes. Go figure."

Jonny: [next to Ed] "Plank says, 'Coulda fooled me!' He just thought Ed was nuts!"

Edd: [helping Eddy carry the beam away] "Please excuse Ed."

Nat: [also helping] "He's had a rough day."

[Kevin changes the 10 to a d0rk sign and holds it up.]

Edd: [setting Ed down outside the park] "Funny, but Ed's adverse behavior seems to be associated with Jonny. Somewhat like a phobia."

Nat: "Maybe Jonny was in his nightmare."

Eddy: "So? The kid weirds me out too. Look at him!"

Edd: "There's no reason to fear Jonny, Ed. He's a good fellow who wouldn't harm a fly."

Ed: "Oh, no way! He is mad at me! He wants to punish bad Ed!"

[Eddy is holding something. Ed is eating, making loud noises of gulping and swallowing.]

Eddy: "Are you done yet?"

[Ed looks up from the jar of peanut butter Eddy is holding and shakes his head, spraying it everywhere.]

Eddy: "Alright, alright, alright! You animal." [Edd and Nat open the window and climb through.]

Ed: "Yum yum yum yum yum!" [Edd comes up and whispers in Eddy's ear.]

Eddy: "'Bout time."

Edd: "Oh Ed. Wouldn't it be fun if we had some company?"

Ed: "You bet! Do you think they will like peanut butter?" [He licks peanut butter from his finger.]

Nat: "Oh I'm sure they would!"

[The doorbell rings, and Edd, Nat and Eddy wait expectantly. Ed continues to gorge himself.]

Edd: "Um, Ed. I believe there's someone at your door."

Ed: "Company!" [He sits up, the jar wedged on his head.] "Oh goodie goodie!" [Unseeing, he runs into a wall.] "Hello?" [He hits the wall again.] "Hello?"

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Edd: [sighing] "Oh dear."

Ed: "Hello?"

[Edd goes up and opens the door. Jonny walks in.]

Edd: "Ah! Thank you for coming!"

[Edd leads Jonny to the basement.]

Edd: "Right this way please."

Ed: [hitting the wall] "Hello?"

Edd: "Have I missed anything?"

[Nat just shakes her head]

Ed: "Hello? Hello?" [Eddy is ignoring Ed.]

Eddy: "Nope."

Ed: "Hello? Hello?" [Jonny takes a seat on a stool.]

Eddy: "Can we get on with it?"

Nat: [stopping Ed] "No please, not again!"

Edd: "Let's have a seat, shall we? There's someone I'd like you to talk to."

[Nat removes the jar from Ed's head. Ed stares straight at Jonny.]

Jonny: "Hiya, Ed."

Ed: [burrowing into the chair in terror] "RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It wasn't me! Sarah's lying!"

Nat: "Ed please calm down."

Edd: "That's quite enough, Ed. The only way to conquer your fear of Jonny is to attack it head on. It's up to you two now to resolve this dilemma."

Eddy: "Yeah, I wanna get on with my life."

Jonny: "Me and Plank have no idea what the heck you guys are talking about!"

Edd: "First stage is always denial, Jonny."

Eddy: "Kiss and make up now."

[They exit, shutting the door behind them.]

[Ed and Jonny sit, waiting for who knows what. Jonny looks at Ed, puzzled. Ed, for his part, cringes away from Jonny. A clock on the wall ticks past the seconds. Minutes. Each tick signifies another lost moment, and though the clicking comes fast, each seems to last an eternity.]

Plank:

Jonny: "You have a mouth, why don't you ask him?"

Plank:

Jonny: "Plank says this hurts him more than it does you."

[Ed's eyes widen and he leaps on Jonny. He squeezes Jonny tightly in a bear hug.]

Ed: "I love you mom!"

[Jonny opens his mouth and screams.]

Jonny: "OOOOOOAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!"

[Jonny sits up. He is in his bed. He peeks under his bed and sees nothing.]

Jonny: "What a nightmare! That's it, no more free-range soybeans before bed. Nighty night, buddy."


	70. O-Ed Eleven

[Ed giggles as Eddy shows him a bare wall.]

Eddy: "Oh Ed. Whaddya think? Huh?"

Edd: [muttering] "Besides Nat, I'm surrounded by idiots."

Ed: "Cool! It is so flat!"

Edd: "A wall, Eddy? Certainly you jest."

Nat: "Is there something behind it?"

[Eddy pulls on a cord at the wall's base and part of the wall unravels, revealing a door with multiple locks.]

Eddy: "Ya wanna see my brother's room?"

Edd: [shocked] "Your brother's room?"

Nat: "Sure!"

Ed: [excited] "Every man for himself!" [He reaches for the doorknob only to have Eddy slap his hand away.]

Eddy: "Hey, wait a minute! Who gave you permission to touch his door?"

Ed: "Nobody?"

Eddy: "That's right, Ed." [Kindly, he gives Ed a chair.] "Have a seat, relax. Maybe I can trim your toenails or something."

Ed: "Oh, be still my heart."

[Eddy takes a rope out and ties Ed to the chair.]

Eddy: "Now then." [angry] "If you touch anything in my brother's room I'll–"

Edd: "Eddy. How do you suppose we enter this outpouring of resistance?!"

Eddy: "No problem. I got a key."

[A crowbar is wedged between the doorframe and the door. It wiggles some, and then the door is thrown open.]

Nat: "Interesting key."

Eddy: "Come on in, boys and girl. Check it out."

[The Eds and Nat gaze at the numerous knickknacks scattered about the room.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Ed: "Your brother's room is cool, Eddy!"

Eddy: "My brother is the coolest, Ed."

Edd: "Yes, well, in some circles I'm sure. Shall we throw caution to the wind and enter this lair of–"

[Eddy drags Edd back just as a safe falls from the ceiling. The safe lands on Edd's foot.]

Eddy: "Watch it! My brother was a whiz at booby traps." [He continues in.]

Edd: [in pain] "But Eddy, the safe!" [Nat pulls him out.]

Eddy: "Already checked it, Double D. It's empty. Can't you just smell his greatness?"

Ed: "I think that is me, Eddy."

Eddy: [on top of a car] "Look at this! Ain't she a beaut?" [He rubs it.] "My brother said I could have it when I turn fourteen!"

Nat: "It's really nice Eddy."

Edd: "Not that it's out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?"

Eddy: "He keeps his snake in the trunk." [He opens the trunk.] "Huh, the little weasel must've escaped again."

Nat: "Snake?"

Edd: [scared] "Escaped? Oh dear, oh dear, oh–" [He backs into the giant stuffed camel.]

Eddy: "Hey, watch the camel! I said no touching!"

Nat: "He didn't mean to Eddy!"

Ed: "Oh, I wish I had a room like this!"

Edd: [sneezing] "Dust! From a camel! Oh, who knows where that thing has wallowed. Air, I need air!" [He unfurls the drapes to reveal a bricked-up window.]

Eddy: "Ha ha! My brother was a whiz at laying bricks! Hey Lumpy, did you catch that one? Ed! Get away from there!"

[Ed opens the fridge, and a bed pops out onto Edd.]

Eddy: "What'd I tell ya? Don't touch any of my brother's stuff, Ed." [He folds the bed back up and closes the fridge door, not noticing that Edd is stuck to the bottom of the mattress.] "Ever thought of renting out that empty space you call a head?"

[Nat gets Edd out.]

Edd: [dazed] "Oh, look at the time, gotta go. Ta-ta."

Eddy: "Where are you going?" [He leads him to another section of the room.] "Did I tell you my brother was a whiz at chewing ice cubes?"

[Ed looks at a shelf. On the shelf are a jar of beans, a mannequin head, and a trophy.]

Ed: "Cool." [He leans in towards the camel, and then needs to sneeze. His sneeze sets the trophy wobbling.]

Edd: "Please, Eddy. I'm sure your brother was a multifaceted individual, but I–" [The trophy falls onto Edd's head. Eddy immediately turns around and eyes the trophy fearfully.]

Eddy: [scared] "Did it dent?"

Ed: "I will get it, Eddy." [He stands up, breaking the ropes effortlessly.] "Nice and soft like a kitten." [He picks it up with his teeth.]

Eddy: [trying to pull the trophy away] "Ed, get your slobbering mouth off my brother's trophy!"

Ed: "Yow! Yow! Yow!"

Edd: "Okay, that's it, I protest!"

Eddy: "Let go, you pathetic excuse for a lump!"

Ed: "Yow!"

Nat: "Please stop!"

Eddy: "Let go!"

Ed: "Yow!"

Eddy: "Ed!"

Edd: "I've truly had enough–"

[The trophy breaks in half. The resulting collisions of the warring parties shake a paper loose from a beach umbrella set up in a corner of the room. It lands in front of Ed.]

Ed: [giving it to Edd] "Read to me what is on the pretty paper, Double D."

Eddy: "Forget the stupid paper, find me some stupid tape!"

Edd: [looking it over] "Why, I do believe this is a map."

Nat: "A map?"

Eddy: "Let me see that thing." [He looks at it.] "It's a map to my brother's secret stash! We're gonna be rich, swimming in moolah, rolling in hay!" [He realizes he can't read it.] "Uh...I think it's in Greek. My brother was a whiz at bouzouki playing."

Edd: "Yes, well. It appears to be some form of encoding."

Ed: [grabbing it] "Let's thaw it out at my house! My mom has a stove."

Eddy: "What're you talking about, Ed? My stove'll work fine." [Eddy takes it from Ed, and Edd takes it from Eddy.]

Edd: "Oh please. The strange thing is, all treasure maps have some indication as to its location, a star, an X, a cross–but I don't see anything here! It's baffling! Do you see one in here, because I don't!" [thinking] "This requires careful study and can only be solved by ingenuity and patient effort. Meet me at my house in one hour."

Eddy: [impatient] "One hour?"

Edd: "And I'll have your answer to our destiny, gentlemen and lady." [He leaves.]

Eddy: "Great. What are we supposed to do for an hour?"

Nat: "I don't know."

Ed: "I've got an elastic, Eddy."

Eddy: "Big deal." [Ed shoots the elastic at Eddy.] "YOWCH!"

[An hour later, Ed, Nat and Eddy stroll up to Edd's house. Eddy slams a shovel against Edd's door repeatedly.]

Edd: [nonplussed] "Why did you pummel my door with a shovel?"

Eddy: "So...where do we start digging, Double D?"

Edd: [ashamed] "I concede to your brother's ingenuity! I couldn't decipher the map!"

Eddy: [shocked] "What?"

[Edd shows his friends into the living room, which is peppered with books and maps.]

Edd: "I tried everything! I exhausted all theorems! Eliminated all conjecture! Pondered every viewpoint! But this is one mother of a treasure map, Eddy!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: "You're supposed to be the smart guy! You're messing with our group dynamics!"

Edd: "It's beyond me, Eddy."

Eddy: "He always had it out for me! He's doing this on purpose, I tell ya! I need that treasure bad, Double D!"

Ed: "I think I just thunk."

Edd: "Was that English, Ed?" [Ed picks up Eddy.]

Eddy: "Let go of me, funnelhead!"

[Ed places Eddy in front of the projected map. The line leads across his face to the X in Eddy's ear.]

Ed: "X marks the spot, Double D! Yep."

[Edd, amazed, stares at Ed's handiwork. It seems as if Ed has, indeed, solved the puzzle.]

Nat: "Wow!"

Edd: [mind blown] "By Jove, he's got it! Ed, how did you do that?"

Ed: "Because I'm a brother and Eddy's brother is a brother and Eddy is a brother to Eddy's brother as a brother I am."

[Nat makes a confused face]

Edd: "Um, nicely put, Ed."

Eddy: "Oh brother." [Edd layers a map of the cul-de-sac over the original.]

Edd: "Now, if I were to place this over top of your brother's map, there may be a correlation to the area of its location."

Eddy: "Hurry up, I'm starting to see spots."

[The map looks like it leads to a grassy, secluded area.]

Edd: "I've found it! Oh no." [He stops smiling.]

[Edd hunts frantically through a file cabinet.]

Edd: "Eddy, according to my calculations, your brother's treasure lies deep within the confines of–" [He slaps a file on the table.] "The trailer park!" [Inside are photos of the Kankers and some notes.]

Eddy: [agitated] "Kankers." [He pounds his fists on the file.] "My brother's a whiz at ticking me off!"

Nat: [to Edd] "You have folders of everyone?"

[Edd nervously smiles]

[A gym bag lies in a hole, exuding a horrid stench. Ed, dressed like an adult, operates a jackhammer next to it. The Kankers throw open the door to their trailer.]

Lee: "Hey, what stinks?! What's goin on out here? Who the heck are you?"

Marie: "Slug 'em, Lee."

Lee: "Shut up, I'm concentrating."

Edd: [also an adult, directing a detour, in a false voice] "Just construction workers doing their job, miss. Yessiree. We're repairing a darn broken sewage pipe–um–so hence the um–stink."

Lee: "I've seen this guy before. Let's see some ID there, Mr. Man."

Marie: "He's so cute."

[Edd makes a fake ID card and produces it.]

Edd: "There you go, miss. That's me. Walter Sobchak. A construction worker."

Lee: "Good enough for me."

Marie: "Yep. See ya later, cutie." [The Kankers turn to go inside.]

May: "Gimme a call sometime, Wally."

[Edd, spent, slumps against a sawhorse as soon as the Kankers leave.]

Eddy: "Man, that was close. So what are we waiting for? Let's go get our loot, buddy boy!" [He shakes Edd.]

Edd: [shoving Eddy off] "Can't you see I'm trying to regain my composure?"

[Eddy takes the gym bag and shoves it under Edd's nose.]

Edd: "All right! All right! Heavens, Ed, please zip up your gym bag. We're quite done with it."

Ed: "It's not just a gym bag, Double D. It's a way of life!" [He takes it and walks off.]

Edd: "Shall we resume our quest?"

Nat: "Where should we dig?"

Edd: [He takes out the map.] "If my interpretation of the map is correct, the treasure should be buried underneath the Kankers' trailer."

Eddy: "Let's start digging."

[They look around the disgustingness that is the underside of the Kankers trailer and stand up, grossed out.]

Edd, Nat & Eddy: "Let's get Ed to dig."

[Edd puts the lid back on a stick of butter. Ed has been buttered up to help him fit.]

Edd: "This butter should provide enough lubrication in order for you to squeeze under the trailer, Ed."

Ed: "My fantasy come true! I AM BUTTERED TOAST!"

Eddy: "Ssh! You want the Kankers to hear ya? Now start digging!" [Eddy grabs for Ed, but he slips from Eddy's grasp. This happens every time Eddy grabs for him.]

Nat: "Careful Eddy!"

Edd: "Please keep it down!"

Eddy: "Ed, get back here!"

Ed: "It is slippery, Eddy!"

Edd: "Ed, Eddy! Control yourselves!"

[Ed lands on the ground, laughing. Eddy seizes this opportunity and kicks Ed under the trailer.]

Eddy: [fantasizing] "I bet it's gold! Or rough-cut diamonds!" [Ed lifts the trailer.]

Ed: "It smells under here, guys."

Edd: [through clenched teeth] "Down, Ed, down! Put it down!"

Ed: "What?" [He can't hold the trailer up, and it crashes back down.]

Marie: "Go tell those guys to keep it down, Lee."

Lee: [kicking the door open] "HEY WALTER!"

[She looks around. The Eds and Nat have deserted their fake construction site.]

Lee: "No sign of 'em, Marie. Must be on a coffee break."

[Lee goes back inside. The camera shifts to show that the Eds and Nat have taken refuge underneath the trailer.]

Nat: "That was close!"

Edd: [nervous] "This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Let's get the stash and get out of here!"

Ed: "Is that you tickling me, Eddy?"

[Inside the trailer, the brood is watching TV.]

Marie: "Hey Lee, get off your rump and run my bath."

Lee: [throwing Marie towards the stairs] "Get some exercise, it's good for ya."

[Underneath the trailer, Ed has dug a gigantic hole. The shovel clangs on something solid.]

Ed: "Hey guys, I hit something!"

[Excited, Eddy leaps into the hole.]

Eddy: "Get out of the way, Monobrow." [He clears the dirt from the top of a treasure chest.] "I'm rich! Filthy rich!"

[In the bathtub, Marie is washing clothes.]

Marie: "Lee, get me the strainer. These clothes are crusty."

[The Eds and Nat strain to pull the suitcase free. Ed finally manages to do it, and he pops through the bathroom floor. He then sees Marie who notices him.]

Marie & Ed: "AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"

Lee: [breaking the door down using May] "What's goin on in here?"

Eddy: [climbing out of the hole] "Where'd you put the treasure, Ed?" [Edd cringes in fear.] "I don't see it, Ed."

Ed: [pointing to where it lies before grabbing Edd] "Over there, Eddy."

Nat: "Um guys."

Eddy: [hauling it in] "There you are! Oh man, I can see it now! Mansions! Yachts! Friends!"

[Eddy heaves it open as his friends cower. His hopes are instantly dashed; the suitcase is full of wishbones.]

Edd: "Wishbones?"

[A pair of hands slam the case shut and take it away.]

Eddy: [shivering with his friends] "I'm so confused!"

Edd: "I think your brother's a whiz at pulling your leg, Eddy!"

Lee: "Looks like we've adopted some groundhogs, eh girls?"

Marie: [now out of the tub and wearing a towel] "Cute chubby-cheeked ones, too."

May: [holding the case] "Hey! I forgot where I hid these!"

Ed: "Well what do we do now, guys?"

[Edd looks at the Kanker file.]

Edd: "We'll pay you a bribe. Fifty cents. From each of us."

Eddy: [nauseous] "Fifty? Pay? I can't breathe!"

[Nat walks out. Edd and Ed come flying out of the trailer hitting in the trash can. Eddy runs after them.]

Eddy: "Guys! Wait!"

Lee: "Oh no, you don't." [She grabs him and hauls Eddy back inside.]

Eddy: "I'll give you an I.O.U! C'mon! Spot me!"

[Marie slams the door shut.]

Nat: "We can't just leave him!"

Ed: [waving] "Catch you later, Eddy!"

Edd: [tearfully] "Oh, Ed! If only I had brought just a few more quarters!"

Ed: "You did the brotherly thing, Double D." [He puts an arm around Edd and leads him away.]

Edd: "You really think so, Ed?"

Ed: "Think what, Double D?"

Eddy: [from inside the Kankers' trailer] "Help me!"

[Nat watches as Ed and Edd walk away, she facepalms and sighs as she goes back in the Kanker trailer to rescue Eddy. A few minutes later she comes out carrying Eddy with a tired look on her face.]

Nat: "Your welcome."


	71. The Luck of the Ed

Edd: [holding up a marble] "This is one of my favorites, Ed! Note: one small object and one large object."

[Ed is holding a bowling ball. He yawns.]

Edd: "Now, and this is the riveting part, if we drop both objects, in unison, that's at the same time, Ed, one would assume the larger object would land first! Au contraire. Objects of different masses do fall at the same rate! Isn't that amazing! Ahem. Now, Ed, when I say go, release the ball. Ready, set, go!"

[Edd drops his marble. A few seconds later, Ed releases his bowling ball.]

Edd: "Ed, you weren't paying attention, were you? We need to drop our objects at the same time. Shall we try again?"

Ed: [bored] "Okay."

Edd: "Ready, set, go!" [He drops his, but Ed holds on to the ball.]

Ed: "Uh oh. It's stuck, Double D!" [The ball is indeed stuck to his fingers.]

Edd: "Just relax your fingers, Ed." [Ed begins to shake the ball.]

Ed: "It's devouring my hand, Double D!"

Edd: "It's just a bowling ball Ed, calm down."

Ed: "Get it off!"

[Nat shows up]

Nat: "Hey guys what's going-"

[The ball comes loose right into Edd's face, throwing him through the fence. Edd lands next to Eddy's door.]

Nat: "Double D?!" [She rushes over and helps Edd] "Are you ok?"

Edd: [dazed] "I'm alright, how are you Nat?"

Nat: "I'm...ok."

[Eddy rushes out carrying a cardboard box and looking nervously from side to side.]

Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "Howdy, neighbor!"

Eddy: "Quick, hide these magazines!"

Ed: "Hide these magazines?"

Eddy: "What are ya? A parrot? Hide em! Quick! Go! Run! Hurry up! Run! What're ya waiting for?"

Ed: [catching Eddy's panic] "Hide what? Wait! Where! What?!?"

Eddy: "Numbskull." [He shoves Ed and runs back into his room.] "Aw come on Mom, not that! Wait! I need this stuff!" [He comes back out wearing a sombrero and dragging a trashcan.] "Geez."

[Inside, the sound of vacuuming can be heard. Eddy spots Edd and Nat and becomes irate.]

Eddy: "Quit lying around, Double D! My mom's cleaning out my room, and she's making me throw out all my cool stuff!" [whispering] "But luckily, I was able to save the–" [he looks from side to side and then speaks in Edd's ear] "–magazines."

[Nat makes a disgusted face]

Ed: [reappearing] "I hid them, Eddy! They're snug as a bug on a rug in a jug by a slug in–"

Edd: "How you managed in one fell swoop to make a mockery of the laws of physics is–"

Eddy: "Outta the way, Sockhead! Get back there." [He pushes Ed to the side of the house.] "You hid em good, right Ed? In a safe place where no one will find them?"

Ed: "You bet, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Ed! Where?"

Ed: "Yeah!" [stunned] "I forget, Eddy."

Eddy: "You forget? Whaddya mean you forget! My brother gave me those magazines!"

Ed: "The number you are dialing is not in service."

Edd: "I suppose one man's treasure is another man's trash. Let's simply retrace Ed's steps. That should jog his memory."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "This better work."

[Ed leads his friends down the sidewalk.]

Ed: "Well, I was walking down the sidewalk, carrying Eddy's box, when um, I saw a bug." [He bends over.] "Hello, bug! I followed the little dickens to this tree, see? Then I hit my head on that branch!" [He stands up, hits his head, and stumbles to the other side of the tree.] "Nope. Sorry. It was this one." [He bonks his head on the other branch.] "Then I gazed at the stars." [He smiles dopily.]

Nat: "Um Ed."

Edd: "Please don't do that."

Eddy: "C'mon, we're wasting time. Where'd you hide the magazines, Ed?"

Ed: "Here we go: a rubber chicken." [He pulls one out of his jacket, tosses it away, and runs down the street.] "'Hide the box, hide the box,' I said." [He slips on the chicken.] "But then I tripped, hanging on to my pal's box of magazines for dear life! I fell." [He falls and slides down the street.] "And slid into a sewer."

Eddy: "A sewer!?!?" [He pulls Ed out of the grate and looks inside, horrified.] "My magazines are in the sewer?"

Edd: "Seems appropriate. You realize if your magazines are in that sewer Eddy, they'd be totally illegible, the text smeared by the damp sludge."

Eddy: "It's the pictures I'm worried about! Ed, did you hide my box down in that sewer?"

Ed: "Um, not in the sewer, Eddy."

Eddy: "So where are they?" [He clips a clothes peg to Ed.] "Talk!"

Ed: "Ouch!"

Eddy: "Where, Ed?" [He clips a second to Ed.]

Ed: "Ouch!!"

Eddy: "Those magazines are one-of-a-kind anniversary issues! Cough em up!" [A third is clipped on.]

Ed: [in pain] "I forget, Eddy, I forget!!!"

Nat: "Eddy please stop!"

Edd: "Clothes pegs Eddy? Please. Obviously your answer lies deep within Ed's subconscious. You'd have a better chance of penetrating reinforced concrete. I suggest we analyze Ed's person for clues. Forensic science, Eddy, and a hint trace of grain could lead us to your magazines." [Eddy clamps his hands over Edd's mouth. Kevin rides by.]

Eddy: "If Kevin knew about this, he'd take my magazines for his own viewing pleasure."

Edd: "Time's a wastin. I've always wanted to say that." [He leads Eddy away. Nat follows behind. Eddy grabs Ed.]

Ed: "Eddy, will these leave marks?"

Eddy: "Big ones, Ed."

[Edd, in his basement, carries a gigantic microscope over to a table.]

Edd: "My microscope should provide the answer." [He hands Ed a pane of glass.] "Hold this please. Thank you."

Eddy: "What's with the glass?"

Edd: "Eddy, please don't interrupt. Now Ed–" [he pulls out a cupcake] "Do you see what I see?"

Ed: "CUPCAKE!" [He begins salivating.]

Eddy: "So what's with the cupcake?"

Edd: "Patience, please!"

[Edd puts the cupcake on the glass. Ed immediately bends over to scarf it, smashing his face on the pane. Edd puts a second pane onto the back of Ed's head, crushing it flat and magnifying it.]

Eddy: "What's with Ed's face!"

Edd: [agitated] "Will you just let me do this Eddy!" [He lays Ed on the table, face under the microscope. Edd climbs a ladder and peers through the viewing scope.] "There we go, and focus–" [He is plunged into a disgusting land of bacteria and primordial slop.] "–oh dear. Ed, there's a new invention called soap, have you heard of it? Oh, this is gonna be more difficult than I thought, Eddy." [He looks at Ed's hair.] "Oh my lord!"

Eddy: "What's taking so long? Someone's sure to find them!"

Nat: "Hold on Eddy."

Edd: "I'm having a hard time ascertaining the clues from Ed's copious contaminants. A moment please, read a magazine or something."

Eddy: "Read a magazine? I would if I knew where Ed hid em!"

Edd: [snottily] "Oh, you read those?" [He returns to the microscope.] "Well well well, what do we have here? This looks interesting." [In Ed's right ear is a miniature sandbox. Edd scans, and data flows out.] "Let's see now. Hmm. Fine loose grains of rock, mostly quartz..."

Eddy: "Well?"

Edd: "Commercial grade sand, Eddy. From a sandbox, I'd surmise. Ed must've–"

Eddy: [elated] "Buried my magazines in the sandbox! Eddy's coming to get you, babies!" [He leaves dragging Edd with him. Nat follows behind.]

Ed: [following Eddy, glass still stuck to his head] "I love babies, guys and girl." [The glass falls off his head when he runs into the doorframe. It shatters.] "Coochie coochie coo!"

[The Eds and Nat enter the playground carrying digging implements. Suddenly, Eddy stops.]

Edd: "Eddy, why are you stopping here? The–" [Eddy jams a hand over his mouth. Kevin rides past.]

Eddy: [agitated] "What's he doin' following us? Maybe he–the sandbox! OH NO, MY MAGAZINES!"

[Eddy tears off towards the sandbox. Jimmy is playing there, digging holes.]

Jimmy: "Jeepers! If only Sarah could see how good I am at manual labor!" [Eddy grabs him.]

Eddy: "And what are you diggin' for?" [He shakes Jimmy.] "Are you working for Kevin?"

Jimmy: "I don't know what you're talking about, Eddy! I'm flying solo!"

Nat: "Eddy please stop!"

Edd: "Eddy, you put Jimmy down! Can't you see he's an innocent bystander in all this? I hardly think that Jimmy, or Kevin for that matter, have any knowledge to the whereabouts of your magazines!"

Eddy: [paranoid] "OH, is that so? And what makes you think that, Mr. I-know-everything-about-Kevin-knowing-nothing-about-my-magazines?"

Ed: [carrying a shovel] "Boy, Double D. Eddy never looks at me like that."

Eddy: "Shut up and start digging, Ed."

[Ed digs into the grass by the sandbox.]

Ed: "Lucky feller."

Eddy: "Once he digs em up, I'll hide em where no one'll find em!"

Ed: [digging] "Dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole."

Edd: "But this is the wrong spot, Eddy. Ed, you should be excavating here, in the sandbox." [He maneuvers Ed to the right place.] "Shall I lend a hand?"

Eddy: "Oh no you don't! Those are my magazines!"

Nat: "Eddy he just wants to help."

Eddy: "Yeah right."

Edd: "Eddy, I'm getting the feeling you don't trust me. How could you even think that?"

Kevin: [by the fence] "Double D. C'mere, will ya?" [Eddy looks at Edd suspiciously.]

Edd: "I wonder what Kevin could want."

Eddy: "Ah ha!"

Kevin: "Hurry up!"

Edd: "I suppose I should go over."

Eddy: "Double crosser."

[Eddy's words of suspicion make up Edd's mind. He goes to talk to Kevin. Soon, the two are immersed.]

Ed: [as Eddy paces] "Dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole."

[Kevin rides off, and Edd waves goodbye.]

Edd: "You're very welcome, Kevin." [Eddy grabs him, irate.]

Eddy: "So what's with that, what did Kevin want, huh, what?!?"

Edd: "Kevin just asked for the time, Eddy."

Eddy: "Oh yeah?" [examining Edd's wrists] "Well I don't see a watch, do you see a watch?"

Ed: "Look what I found, guys and girl!"

Nat: "What did you find?"

Eddy: [not caring about Edd anymore] "I'd tell ya I love ya, Ed, but I ain't that kind of guy!"

Edd: "Bravo, Ed! Bring on the grail!"

[Ed holds up a dirty, used, useless toothbrush.]

Ed: "A toothbrush! Finders keepers."

Eddy: "You guys must think I'm stupid or something!" [He smashes Ed onto Edd. Nat goes to help them.] "You three are in cahoots to steal my magazines!"

Nat: "Why would I want your PG-13 magazines?"

Edd: "What would we do with your magazines, Eddy?" [Eddy grabs Edd's hat.] "My hat!"

[Eddy steals Ed's eyebrow.]

Ed: "My eyebrow!"

[Eddy steals Nat's sweater.]

Nat: "My sweater!"

[Eddy leaves the park running, carrying their most prized possessions.]

Ed: "But, Eddy, I can't make funny faces without that!"

Edd: [covering himself with Ed] "Wait Ed. I'm not decent!"

Nat: [covering her neck] "I'm exposed!"

[Ed runs up to Eddy. Eddy is dangling the hat, the sweater and the eyebrow over the sewer where the magazines were thought to be earlier. Edd runs up, a bucket over his head. Nat runs up, her hair tied around her neck.]

Nat: "Eddy please don't!"

Edd: [terrified] "Eddy, you wouldn't dare!"

Eddy: "Don't come any closer, or the hat, sweater and the eyebrow get a one-way ticket down Sewerville! Now where's my magazines?"

Edd: "Eddy, gather whatever strand of logic you may have left! We don't know the whereabouts of your magazines!"

Eddy: "Maybe you need to have another chit-chat with your ringleader, Kevin!"

Edd: "Nat, Ed, Eddy's taken the proverbial leap off the deep end!" [Eddy moves the eyebrow and hat nearer the grate.]

Eddy: "Say bye bye, boys and girl."

Edd and Nat: [running towards Kevin's house] "Oh Kevin! Kevin!" [Ed follows.]

Ed: "Oh Double D! Nat!"

Edd: [coming back for a moment] "Please don't do anything rash, Eddy. Thank you."

[Ed is running in circles in the middle of the cul-de-sac, scared witless.]

Ed: "Run! Run for your lives!"

Edd: "Nat, Ed, this way!" [He runs to Kevin's house and knocks on the door. Ed joins. When Kevin opens the door, he is battered by their fists.] "Oh dear." [hauling Kevin upright] "Kevin, wake up, please! You need to talk to Eddy!"

Nat: "Please Kevin this is important!"

Ed: "Hurry, Kevin! Eddy's proverbial!"

Kevin: "Let go of my shirt." [They comply.]

Edd: "Um, Kevin?"

[Kevin slams the door in their faces.]

Kevin: "Like I give. What a couple of losers!" [He laughs until, out his window, he sees them making off with his most prized possession: his bike.]

Ed: [chased by Kevin, carrying the bike with Edd and Nat] "Beep beep!" [They come to the sewer.]

Kevin: "Hey! Let go of my bike!"

Eddy: "Cough up my magazines!"

Kevin: "Get your hands off my bike!"

Eddy: "You ain't foolin me! I'm wise to what you and your three lackeys are up to!"

Kevin: "Get over yourself! Gimme my bike!"

Eddy: "I want my magazines!"

Edd: "My hat please thank you!"

Nat: "Please give me my sweater!"

Ed: "Eyebrow for Ed!"

Eddy: "MY MAGAZINES!"

Kevin: "The bike!"

Eddy: "The magazines!"

Edd: "Hat, please!"

Nat: "My sweater please!

Ed: "Eyebrow now!"

Jonny: "Howdy howdy howdy! Check out what Plank and I found!"

[Jonny is holding the box from the start of the episode. Eddy's eyes go wide.]

Jonny: "Talk about luck, huh guys and girl?"

Eddy: "My magazines my magazines!" [He rushes Jonny and drops the hat, sweater and eyebrow. Ed, Nat and Edd collect them. Kevin gets his bike back.] "Come to papa my babies!"

Kevin: [riding past] "Pathetic."

Eddy: [tearing the box open] "Oh there you–" [His eyes bulge.] "–aren't?" [The box is empty.]

Jonny: "Cool box, huh Eddy?"

Eddy: [hysterical] "Where's the magazines?" [He grabs Jonny.] "What'd you do with them, baldy? Spit it out, where are they!"

Ed: [adjusting his eyebrow] "I hid them, Eddy!" [Eddy kicks Ed in the stomach.]

Eddy: "You hid the magazines in a different spot?"

Ed: "Pretty smart, huh? No thanks are necessary!"

Eddy: [shaking Ed] "Where, Ed? Where'd you hide the magazines?"

Jonny: "I don't get them either, buddy."

[Ed is once again leading his friends down the sidewalk.]

Ed: "Well, I was walking down the sidewalk when I saw a bug. Hello, bug! I followed the little dickens to this tree, see? Then I hit my head on that branch! Nope, sorry, it was this one. Then I gazed at the stars."

Nat: "It's gonna be a long day."


	72. Ed... Pass it On...

[A sign outside the house reads "Wait to be Seated."]

Jimmy: "Wait to be seated?"

Sarah: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Jimmy: "They always say that at restaurants, Sarah!"

Eddy: [dressed like a waiter] "Welcome to Ponce de la Eds. I'll see if we have a free table." [He pretends to glance at a book.] "So sorry, but we're booked full."

Sarah: [grabbing him] "You didn't even open your eyes, you fathead!"

Jimmy: "Wait, Sarah. Let me show you how it's done." [He steps up to Eddy.] "Ahem. Surely you must have one table open." [Jimmy greases the waiter with a dollar bill.]

[Eddy, with a gasp of pleasure, opens the doors and shoves Sarah and Jimmy into the house.]

Eddy: "Here's two more for you gar con!" [He snickers as he stares at the dollar.]

Edd: [seating the duo] "May I? There we go."

Nat: [placing two menus on the table] "Here are your menus."

Edd: "We have a variety of creations to please every pallet. I'll return momentarily to take your order." [He moves on to Jonny and Plank's table.]

Nazz: "What do you feel like, Kevin? Are you gonna get the Ed kabobs, or the Eddy pizza, or the Double Dee spaghetti?"

Kevin: [tosses his menu] "I'm ordering the barf bag."

Nazz: "Where's that on the menu, Kevin?"

Edd: "Well have you decided on anything, Jonny?"

Jonny: "Don't ask me, Plank's treating!" [Edd turns to Plank.]

Plank:

Jonny: "Whaddya mean an Ed Turkey a la King for you and a couple of breadsticks for the bald kid?"

[Rolf signals Edd with a piercing whistle.]

Rolf: "Rolf would like the Ed steak. Rare."

Nazz: "And I'll have a salad, a la Double D, Double D."

Sarah: "And I'll have an Ed shake. Easy on the froth, and make sure it's cold."

Edd: "My! Uh, coming right up." [He tries to make his way into the kitchen, which is completely covered in food.] "Ed?"

Ed: [pushing his friend back with a carrot] "Oh no you don't! Too many cooks spoil the galoshes, Double D!"

Edd: "Very well. Here's a few orders to fill, Chef Ed." [He hands Ed the order slip.]

Ed: "I will wake him up!"

[A few minutes have passed, and Sarah and Jimmy are bored.]

Sarah: "That's it, I've had it! Let's go home and eat, Jimmy!"

Eddy: [desperate] "No no, wait! Um–"

[The kitchen door bursts open and a lidded plate marked for Jonny comes out.]

Edd: "Nice presentation, Ed!" [to Jonny] "And here you go, one Ed Turkey a la King!"

Jonny: "Oh boy, I'm starving!"

Edd: "Bon appétit." [He lifts the lid.]

Jonny: "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!"

[Nat makes a disgusted face]

Edd: "Ed! You were supposed to use a real turkey!"

[Ed has cooked himself. He lies naked on the plate, surrounded by fixings and an apple in his mouth. Ed pours a ladleful of gravy onto the "turkey dinner."]

Ed: "Stuffing anybody?" [Eddy slams the lid down on the plate.]

Eddy: "Idiot!"

Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "I'm so repulsed!" [The kids begin to trickle out.]

Sarah: "This place is a dump."

Eddy: [chasing them] "Oh come on! How about a two-for-one–" [The door slams shut, and he runs into it.] "Nat you should have been the one cooking!"

Nat: "I told you Eddy I can't be near anything that has fire! Not again."

Eddy: "This should've worked! This scam always worked for my brother! Everything always worked for my brother."

Ed: "Let me say this about that." [Eddy kicks him off the plate.]

Eddy: "You know why they worked for him? 'Cause people respected my brother! And they respected me, 'cause I was–" [downhearted] "–with my brother."

Nat: "It's ok Eddy."

Edd: "Don't feel bad, Eddy. The truth is, the others have always held you with the utmost, unequivocal, and deepest sincerity of disrespect."

Eddy: "Why if he was here, I'd show them who's boss."

[An idea, in the form of a hammer, comes down on Eddy's cranium.]

Eddy: "That's it! My brother's coming home! At least that's what we'll tell them."

Ed: [running with spatters of gravy all over him] "Wait till he sees how much I have grown!"

Nat: "He's not really coming Ed."

Edd: "Deception, Eddy? Is that how you plan to garner respect?"

Eddy: [chuckling] "What planet are you from?"

[The Eds and Nat have hung a bunch of banners, streamers, and balloons from Eddy's house welcoming his brother home.]

Edd: "Be careful Nat."

Nat: "I'm ok Double D."

Eddy: "The kids'll be eating out of my hands in no time."

Edd: "Speaking of hands, Eddy, you might want to break away from tradition and actually lend a hand here!"

Eddy: "No problem, Double D." [He applauds.]

Nat: "That's not what he meant!"

[Kevin pulls up.]

Kevin: "What's with the balloons? You dorks getting married?" [He waits a beat.] "To each other?"

Eddy: "Read the sign, giggles. My big brother's coming home today." [The smile drops from Kevin's face.]

Kevin: "No way."

Ed: "And it works for him!"

Kevin: [sweating] "So tell me. Those stories bout your brother–are they true?"

Eddy: "Are they true? HEY GUYS! KEV HERE WANTS TO KNOW IF THOSE STORIES ABOUT MY BROTHER ARE TRUE!"

Kevin: "Ssh!"

Eddy: "Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll introduce you to him so you can ask him yourself. Should be here pretty soon."

Kevin: "Maybe some other time. Gotta blow!" [He peels off.]

Eddy: [waving goodbye] "Is that respect or what?"

Nat: "I'd rather not say."

Ed: "A whole box of it!"

Edd: "That wasn't respect, Eddy! What I witnessed was fear."

Eddy: "R-E-S-P-E-E-K. Respect, Double D."

[Kevin speeds down the lane. He goes past Jonny and Plank, who are fishing.]

Jonny: "Fishing's a gas, huh buddy?" [Kevin blows past.] "Kevin? We almost caught you for supper, speedy!" [He runs along the top of the fence, somehow keeping pace with Kevin.]

Kevin: "Take a hike! I ain't telling ya nothing!"

Jonny: "Ooh, Kevin knows something we don't know, buddy! Hey, tell us your secret, Kevin! C'mon! We won't tell anyone! We're loners!" [Kevin whispers in their ears.] "It's about time! Hey Plank, Eddy's brother's coming home!"

Kevin: "You didn't hear it from me."

[Jonny runs out of fence and falls. Kevin speeds off. A chicken climbs up him.]

Rolf: "Jonny the woodboy. Always with this head of yours there are so many jokes, yes? Rolf respects your cluelessness." [Rolf moves to leave, but Jonny pulls him back.]

Jonny: "Wait, Rolf!" [He whispers in Rolf's ear, and Rolf loses his smile.]

Rolf: "Jiminy! Eddy's brother returns to the cul-de-sac? Rolf must protect his fold!"

[Rolf runs home. Passing the creek, he spots Nazz lounging and yanks her off her raft.]

Rolf: "She who loathes in the name of vanity! Hurry, as judgement day approaches!" [He passes the rumor on.]

Nazz: "For real? Eddy's brother is so rad! I better get my gear!" [She sails away, excited.]

[Eddy paces in front of his house, bored by the lack of attention.]

Ed: "Who's up for Pin the Tail on the Donkey?"

Eddy: "Shut up, Ed. Where the heck is everybody?"

Nat: "I don't see them."

Edd: [smug] "Well, it seems your rumor of your brother's return in order to gain respect is as contrived as your spelling of the word, Eddy. I won't say I told you so–"

[Ed, blindfolded, pins the tail on Edd's bottom.]

Edd: "YOW!!!"

Nat: "Oh no."

Ed: "It wasn't me, Double D!" [Edd lands on Kevin's bike.]

Eddy: [laughing] "Nice one, Ed." [Kevin drops off Edd.]

Kevin: "Tell your brother, I did you a favor, okay?"

Eddy: [laughing] "Like he cares!"

Kevin: "Okay. Well, how about you and your bro come over to my house and watch TV or something? I mean, if he wants."

Eddy: [ecstatically whispering] "It's working, Double D!" [He turns to Kevin, composed.] "Gee, I don't know. My brother hates losers."

Kevin: [let down] "Oh. Right."

Eddy: "But tell you what, Kev-O. Me and the boys and girl'll come over and see if it's cool enough for my bro to hang at."

Kevin: "You'd do that for me?"

Ed: "Party at Kevin's house!"

Eddy: "Now go home and make sure there's lots of snacks!"

Edd: [shocked] "That was unbelievable."

Nat: "I agree."

Ed: "Party at Kevin's house!"

Edd: "Why would Kevin invite us to his house?"

Eddy: "R-E-S-P-E-E-K. Respect, Double D."

Ed: "Party at Kevin's–" [A chicken crows.] "Chickens!"

[Rolf has fortified his house with walls, a moat, and a drawbridge.]

Ed: [to a chicken] "Would you like to come to a party and revel sprightly?"

Rolf: "No party for Rolf's fowl!"

Eddy: "Your chicken too good for my brother's party, Rolf?"

Rolf: [scared] "Has he arrived to our humble cul-de-sac?"

Eddy: "He's on his way, Stretch."

Rolf: "PLEASE INFORM EDDY'S BROTHER–" [He runs inside and the bridge slams shut. He pokes his head through the fence.] "–THAT ROLF'S CHICKENS EXIST NO LONGER!" [He squeezes back in.]

Edd: "And what was that all about?"

Nazz: "Eddy! Oh Eddy! Up here, dude!" [Nazz is on the roof of her house, decked out like a mountaineer.] "Can I, like, talk with you?"

Eddy: "Me?" [Nazz starts to descend.] "Nazz wants to talk–" [Nazz lands on him.]

Nazz: "Oops." [She gets up.] "Say, Eddy, can you tell your brother I'm ready to climb any time he is?"

Edd: "Climb?"

Eddy: "Did you see that? Now chicks are falling for me, Double D! It's working!"

Edd: "Eddy, wait!"

Eddy: "My brother's making it work, Double D! Something's actually working for me! Party at Kevin's house!"

Edd: "Eddy, your brother's legacy has lost control! Do you hear me, Eddy? It's changing with each interpretation!"

[A clump of grass crawls up to a front door. Rolf's hand reaches out and knocks. Kevin opens it fearfully.]

Kevin: "Eddy's brother?" [His fear is palpable.]

Rolf: "Hallo?" [Kevin looks down, disgusted.] "I must see the second born Ed-boy."

[In the living room, Eddy is in the seat of honor, sipping from a glass. Rolf kneels before him.]

Rolf: "Rolf does not mean to intrude, lesser of the two offsprings, but Rolf humbly offers Eddy's brother this token."

[Rolf looks in his bag. Eddy finishes his drink and calls to Kevin.]

Eddy: "Hey Kev, fetch me s'more soda, will ya?"

Kevin: "When's your brother gettin' here, anyway?" [The glass lands on his head.]

Ed: [eating chips] "Got any dip?"

Kevin: "I'll dip you, ya dork." [He enters the kitchen.]

Edd: "I suppose a glass of water would be out of the question then?"

Nat: "Seems like it."

Rolf: "Silence! It was Rolf's turn to grovel!" [He returns to his position at Eddy's feet.] "As Rolf was saying, Rolf offers this gift to Eddy's brother." [He holds up a woolly vest.] "A vest made from the hair of Papa's back." [Ed perks up.] "In exchange for the safety of Rolf's unoffending chickens!"

Ed: "Cool!"

Eddy: [wanting to get the vest out of his face] "Yeah, sure whatever."

Rolf: [backing away] "Thank you, Ed-boy! And thank your brother, yes, thank him!"

[A soot-covered Nazz climbs out of Kevin's chimney.]

Nazz: "YO-DEL-LAY-HEE-YO-DEE-LAY-HEE-YO-DEE-LAYYYY-HEEEEE YO-DE-LAY-HE-YOU-DE-LAY-HE-YO-DE-LAAYYYY YO-DE-LAYYYY-HEEEEE!!!"

[Every glass in the place breaks; even Ed shatters.]

Kevin: "Nice lungs, Nazz."

[A ball hits Eddy.]

Jimmy: [through the window] "There's the ball, Sarah!"

Ed: "Hiya, baby sister!" [Sarah walks in to get the ball.]

Eddy: [antagonized] "YOU DARE HIT THE BROTHER OF EDDY'S BROTHER?!?!?"

Sarah: "Brothers are stupid."

Eddy: "Oh yeah? Why don't you tell him that to his face, then?" [The kids gasp.]

Sarah: "Fine, so. Where's his face?"

[On the strength of this one statement, the mood in the room changes.]

Kevin: "Where is he, man?"

Rolf: "Rolf smells something, and it's not Papa's back hair vest!"

Nazz: "Is he coming, Eddy?"

[Eddy stands silenced.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "Eddy, everything's become distorted, muddled, and mixed up! End this charade! Now is the time to gain that respect!"

Eddy: [nervous] "Okay, I guess I should tell you he ain't showin' up." [The kids surround him angrily.] "Today! 'Cause he missed the bus!" [The smile drops from Edd's face.] "Yeah! And he'll be at my house tomorrow at lunch!"

Kevin: [pacified and scared once more] "Awesome. Can we come over?"

Rolf: "Rolf will join you, Kevin."

Nazz: "Cool. I heard he's so strong."

Jimmy: "Is he, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Yep."

Sarah: "I bet! Come on, Jimmy." [She drags Jimmy out of the house. Eddy, with his arm on Kevin, chuckles]

[The Eds and Nat are in Eddy's room. Ed and Eddy wear smiles, while Edd and Nat know they haven't much time.]

Eddy: [peeking out the window] "They're still sitting out there. What sheep!"

Nat: "You should tell them Eddy."

Edd: "Your rumor is a monster feeding on everyone's insecurities! Stop it before it's too late!"

Eddy: "It's just a little fib, Double D! Kevin would pound the living daylights out of me if I told him my brother ain't showing up!"

Ed: [clueless] "Did he miss another bus, Eddy? Buses can be so cruel!"

Deep Voice: "And hard on the caboose, if you know what I mean."

Nat: "Um Eddy."

Edd: "There's someone at your door."

Eddy: [using his friends as a shield] "It's probably Kevin. I'm ready for him." [He waves a baseball bat.]

[Someone pushes the closet door open, revealing an adult, standing tall. The face is hidden, but the body is big.]

Eddy: [sweating] "Uh oh. It's my brother!"

Ed, Nat and Edd: [Ed joyful, Nat shocked, Edd scared] "Your brother?!"

Eddy: [nervous] "Hey bro, good to see ya! Back so soon?" [He grins, then breaks into fearful wailing.] "HONEST, IT WASN'T ME! THEY'RE ALL LYING, I SWEAR! Can I get you anything, bro, huh?" [His voice cracks.] "Can I?"

Eddy's Brother: "Get me a triple-scoop banana split sundae with chocolate sauce, marshmallows, lots of nuts."

Eddy: "Hey, wait a minute! What happened to that lactose thing you–"

Eddy's Brother: "See this?" [He holds a fist to Eddy's face.]

[Edd, at Eddy's door, beckons to his friends.]

Edd: "Hurry! Hurry! I'll get the ice cream!"

Nat: "I'll get the bananas!"

Eddy: "I'll get the chocolate sauce!"

Ed: "And I'll get the nuts!" [He runs through the wall.]

Edd: "Wait, don't forget the marshmallows!" [He follows Ed.]

Eddy's Brother: "Hurry it up!" [He steps out of the closet, revealing it was just Sarah on Jimmy's shoulders.]

Sarah: "Watch what you're doing, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: [afraid] "It's these darn stilts! They make me all clumsy, Sarah!"

Ed: "Hey..." [Ed is at the door, peering in on his baby sister and her friend.] "What flavor ice cream did you want?"

[Sarah clears her throat and puts on the deep voice again.]

Sarah: "Chocolate."

Ed: "Okey-dokey. Your brother wants chocolate, Eddy!" [He runs to the kitchen.]

[Sarah and Jimmy look at each other and laugh.]

Sarah: "Brothers are such idiots!"


	73. Brother, Can You Spare an Ed?

[88 Fingers Eddward is at his pedal steel again, providing music for another one of Eddy's scams.]

Eddy: "Double D, that sounds so real!"

Edd: "Don't rub salt in the wound, Eddy. You know how much I detest this instrument!"

Eddy: "C'mon, you're setting a mood, Double D! The music, the plan, the Lump."

[Ed is trying to hula dance.]

Ed: "One, two, three, four, stick it all right out the door!"

Nat: "Eddy I'm done changing."

[The Eds turn around and see Nat is wearing her one piece bathing suit with a grass skirt, flip flops and a pink floral necklace. The Eds stare for a moment. Eddy is the first to snap out of it.]

Eddy: "Why aren't you wearing the coconut top?"

Nat: "I'm sorry Eddy but do you know how revealing it is?"

Eddy: "Whatever." [whispering to Edd] "At least the view is still good."

Edd: "Eddy!"

[Eddy walks away. Nat walks to Edd.]

Nat: Do I look ok Double D?"

Edd: [blushing] "O-Oh yes of course, but with all due respect I feel as though something is missing."

Nat: "Really what?"

Edd: "W-Well may I suggest this?"

[Edd takes out the pink flower on his hat]

Nat: "Double D it's perfect! Would you mind putting it in my hair?"

Edd: "N-No not at all!"

[Edd slowly but nervously places the flower in her hair, on the side of her headband]

Nat: [smiling] "Thank you Double D."

Edd: [blushing] "Y-Your welcome Nat."

Eddy: "Hey Romeo! Quit flirting with your co-worker!"

[Edd blushes in embarrassment as he goes back to playing his instrument. Nat goes to hula dance with Ed.]

Eddy: "It's a gold mine, I tell ya! Hula dance lessons are huge!"

Edd: "In a pig's eye."[Before Eddy can advertise the scam, Sarah arrives.]

Sarah: "He's over here, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Tell him, Sarah, tell him, tell him!"

Sarah: "Ed, stop your wiggling around!" [Ed continues to dance.]

Ed: "Stick it out and all about!" [Sarah kicks him.]

[Edd begins to play music for the actions of Sarah, Ed, and Eddy.]

Sarah: "Listen to me, you idiot! I want you to–"

Eddy: [through a megaphone] "GET LOST, TWERP! Ed's working."

Sarah: [through the same megaphone] "BUZZ OFF, EDDY!" [Eddy is sent flying and lands near Edd.] "Fathead."

Eddy: "Why, you little–" [to Edd] "GIVE IT A BREAK, WILL YA?" [Edd chuckles. Nat stops dancing.]

Sarah: "Pay attention, Ed. Go down to the candy store and buy me and Jimmy some–"

Jimmy: "Fudge! Rich and thick with lots of nuts!"

Sarah: "Yum!"

Jimmy: "Yum yum!"

Sarah: "Here's my allowance money. Don't lose it, or you're dog meat." [She hands Ed a dollar.]

Ed: "I can do this that Sarah."

Sarah: "You better. Now don't shoe scrub!"

Ed: "It has been absorbed. You can count on me, yep! Or my name's not–" [He thinks.]

Eddy: "Ed!"

Ed: "Maybe." [He holds the money out of Eddy's reach.]

Eddy: "Gee Ed, that loot looks pretty disgusting, pal. I mean, it's all stained and wrinkled like, my friend. Why don't you let me clean and press that cash for you, bosom buddy?"

Edd: "Clean and press?" [Eddy puts his hand over his mouth.]

[Ed sniffs the bill.]

Eddy: "Makes you wanna throw up, don't it? Lemme take that for ya, so you don't contaminate those badly drawn fingers."

Ed: "Can't do that, Eddy. Baby sister o mine has trusted me with her allowance."

[While explaining, Ed hugs Eddy, pressing Eddy's face to Ed's stinky, unwashed, bacteria-infested armpit.]

Ed: "So fudge I must buy it with!" [He gallops off.]

[Nat smiles]

Edd: "Apart from Ed's deplorable sentence structure, I'm proud of his devotion to his younger sister. Aren't you, Eddy?" [He looks at Eddy's spread legs.] "Eddy, please! Have some decency!" [He pushes the legs together.]

Eddy: "Don't touch me!"

[Ed is outside the candy store. Before he can open the door, Eddy interrupts.]

Eddy: "Wait!" [He races up.] "Where ya goin, Ed?"

Ed: "To buy my baby sister and her persnickety friend fudge. With lots of nuts."

Eddy: "You mean jawbreakers, Ed."

Ed: "Jawbreakers?"

Eddy: "What're ya, a parrot? You got enough moolah there for four sweet ever-lovin jawbreakers, big boy."

Edd: "Stop right there! It's Sarah's money. And if fudge Sarah wants, fudge Sarah gets."

Eddy: "The guy's cracked, Ed. I know that you know that jawbreakers the way to go."

Edd: "Don't you listen to him, Ed. Sarah's depending on you!"

Eddy: "Forget Sarah! Jawbreakers, Ed."

Edd: "Ed, you gave Sarah your word."

Eddy: "And Sarah gave him cash. Jawbreakers, Ed."

Edd and Eddy: "Nat which side are you on?!"

Nat: "I don't like confrontations!" 

Edd: "Stand firm and deliver, Ed." [He appears as an angel on Ed's shoulder.] "Let integrity be your guide."

Eddy: "Double D's right, Ed." [Eddy is on Ed's other shoulder, dressed as a devil.] "Integrity in Latin means 'buy jawbreakers.' Get the picture?"

Ed: "Yes."

Angel Edd: "No, Ed!"

Ed: "No?"

Angel Edd: "That money doesn't belong to you, and you are obligated and responsible for its expenditure. Fudge is the honorable path."

Devil Eddy: "That's stupid! C'mon, Ed, you know you wanna!" [He dives into Ed's ear.] "Who's gonna know?"

Ed: [confused] "Who?"

Angel Edd: "You'll know, Ed. And the guilt will smother you like so many wet blankets."

Devil Eddy: [grabbing Angel Edd by the leg] "Hey Tinker Bell, let's chitchat."

[Devil Eddy pulls Angel Edd into Ed's head and they begin to tussle.]

Devil Eddy: "Jawbreakers, Ed!"

Angel Edd: "No Ed! Fudge!"

Devil Eddy: "Jawbreakers!"

Angel Edd: "Fudge!"

Devil Eddy: "Jawbreakers!"

Angel Edd: "Fudge!"

Devil Eddy: "Jawbreakers!"

[Ed screams and rushes into the store. We then see that Edd and Eddy have actually begun to rumble on the sidewalk. Nat just stares in shock.]

Edd: "Fudge! Eddy!"

Eddy: "I said jawbreakers!" [The bell tinkles.] "He went in!"

[Eddy rushes to the window and looks in the direction of the jawbreakers. He instead sees Ed standing by the fudge display. Ed, in the store, is undergoing a great moral dilemma: trading present pleasure for certain future pain or avoiding both with fudge. Ed looks from the jawbreakers to the fudge repeatedly and begins to tremble.]

[Edd's head is in his hands, Nat does the same, and the sound of Ed and Eddy enjoying themselves is heard. It is obvious that Ed gave in to temptation.]

Nat: "I'm sorry Double D, I let the pressure of a heated argument get to me."

Edd: "I don't blame you Nat. I blame Ed making the poor decision."

Eddy: [mouth stuffed] "Made the right choice, my fine fish-faced friend."

Edd: "I'm speechless! I mean, how can you two just sit there, drooling over your ill-gotten gains! Have you no shame?"

Ed: "Who is she, Double D?"

Eddy: "Ed, give Double D his cut."

Edd: "I refuse to be part of any of this, Eddy!"

Ed: "Open wide and say bomb, Double D."

Edd: "Not if it was the last edible substance on our planet, Ed."

[Ed stomps on Edd's foot. Edd's mouth opens involuntarily, and Ed shoves the candy in. Edd resists the taste for a few seconds but soon gives in to the pleasure.]

Edd: "How can something so bad taste so good?"

Eddy: "When someone else coughs up for it, that's how."

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Ed: "One for Nat." [He gives Nat her jawbreaker]

[Nat looks at it for a moment then scowls]

Nat: "No I won't do it! [She throws it out of sight]

Eddy: "Your loss."

[The Eds and Nat are on the way home. Ed's belly is swollen, and Eddy is licking the residue from his fingers.]

Eddy: "You were supposed to let it melt in your mouth, Ed, not swallow it."

Ed: "Aw, it's kicking, the little whatchamacallit."

Edd: [mortified] "How could I do such a thing? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!!!"

Nat: "Like you had a choice!"

Ed: "You should write your name on your underwear, Double D. See?" [He shows his underwear.] "I'm Hand Wash Only."

Eddy: "What's with you?"

Edd: "What's with me? Self-abomination, Eddy! Ed was entrusted with a task and I became embroiled in the breach of that trust! My hands are contaminated by the filth of chicanery! Oh, what dastardly deed have we sown?"

Eddy: ... "Who writes this guy's stuff?" [He scoops out a handful of mud and gives it to Ed.] "Here, Ed. Give this to Sarah and tell her it's fudge."

Ed: "Fudge?" [He remembers.] "SARAH! DOG MEAT!"

[Scared, Ed throws the mud at Eddy and runs in place, looking for somewhere to hide.]

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Eddy: "ENOUGH ALREADY!" [to Ed] "As long as we sidestep Sarah–" [to Edd] "–and keep our big mouths shut, the twerp'll forget all about it."

Sarah and Jimmy: "The fudge is here, the fudge is here, the fudge is here, the fudge is here, the fudge is here!" [They dance around Ed.]

Edd: [panicked] "Eddy?"

Sarah: [looking in a pocket] "Find it yet, Jimmy?"

Jimmy: [from another pocket] "Not in here, Sarah."

Sarah: "It's not here either, Jimmy."

Jimmy: "I don't see fudge anywhere, Sarah."

Sarah: [calmly] "Where the heck's my fudge, Ed?"

[Ed looks to Eddy for guidance. Eddy shushes him.]

Sarah: "Well?"

[Ed begins to tremble and his eyes fill with tears.]

Ed: "I spent your money on jawbreakers, Sarah! Have pity as I cannot control my brain!"

Sarah: [shocked] "You what?" [Sarah starts to steam and leaps at Ed.]

Ed: "HUUUUAAAAAAA–"

Edd: "Wait!" [Sarah stops.]

Ed: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA––––" [Edd zips Ed's lips.]

Edd: "Dearest Sarah, I speak for all of us when I say how sorry we are in spending your allowance." [Jimmy slides under the still-airborn Sarah to catch her, though she ends up stomping on him.]

Sarah: "Is that so."

Edd: "Why, yes! Isn't that right, fellows? And are prepared to pay you back every cent. With the current market-bearing interest, of course."

Eddy: "What're you talking about? Interest?" [He threatens Edd with his fist.]

Jimmy: "Interest? We can buy even more fudge, Sarah!"

Nat: "We'll pay you back we promise!"

Sarah: "Deal."

[The Eds and Nat huddle.]

Eddy: [upset] "How're we supposed to pay her back? We're broke!"

Edd: [furious] "You got us into this. Well?"

Nat: [worried] "Any ideas?"

Ed: [pleadingly] "Dog meat Eddy!"

[Eddy thinks for a few seconds and then chuckles. He runs off and comes back bearing a sign which he plants on the grass. The sign reads "Wegees 25¢."]

Nat: "Wedgies?"

Edd: "You can't be serious, Eddy."

Eddy: [announcing the scam to the neighborhood] "Step right up folks, your dream come true! Give a wedgie, just twenty-five cents."

[Kevin opens his front door. When he hears the announcement, he nearly chokes on the sandwich he is eating.]

Kevin: "Wedgies?"

Eddy: "Hike 'em high while they're still dry!" [Kevin tries to wedgie Eddy.] "Whoa-ho there, valued customer. Not me, them. That'll be twenty-five cents."

Kevin: [pouring six quarters into Eddy's palm] "Delighted."

Edd: "Wait just one doggone second here!"

Ed: "Me first, Kevin!"

[Eddy is admiring his haul. Sarah comes up and grabs his wrists.]

Sarah: "Hey! Let me see that!" [She examines the coins.] "You're short!"

Eddy: "It's mine!" [He clamps his fists shut.]

Nat: "Seriously Eddy?!"

Sarah: "HAA!" [She bites on his wrists, and his hands open, dropping the money.]

Eddy: "AAAH!"

Sarah: "I want my money!"

[Kevin has finished his wedgies and hung Ed and Edd from a tree by their underwear. Nat stares in shock.]

Edd: "How mortifying!"

Ed: "One more for the Gipper, Kevin!"

Kevin: "You dorks are bent. I'm outta here." [He moves to leave.]

Eddy: "Don't leave now! I could set the boys up for another round! Whaddya say?"

Kevin: "Not for me, man. I'm spent."

Eddy: "Aw, come on!"

Sarah: "My money now!"

[Eddy holds up a finger, signaling they'll have to wait. He then runs off, coming back with Jonny.]

Eddy: "You know you wanna. It's a smorgasbord of fun! A casserole of laughs!"

Edd: "Good lord, what's he up to now!"

Jonny: "So what's the catch, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Catch? Um...catch! Whatever falls out! And it's yours to keep! That's how pinatas work, Jonny boy."

Edd: "Pinatas?!?"

Ed: "Me first, Jonny!"

Nat: "Eddy wait-"

Eddy: [pulls out a hockey stick] "Cough up a quarter and go to town!"

Jonny: "Right on! Here you go Eddy!"

Sarah: "Gimme that!" [She snatches the quarter. Jonny takes the proffered hockey stick and goes to start swinging.]

Edd: "Jonny, please! Open your eyes, lad! Do we look like pinatas?"

[Jonny hits Edd four times. What falls is Edd's shoe.]

Jonny: "A shoe? Boring!"

[Jonny turns to Ed. One tap brings down a mountainload of garbage onto him.]

Jonny: [picking up Ed's bikini top] "Look what I got, Plank! Coconut earmuffs!"

Eddy: "Now, about that interest..."

Nat: "Ok I've seen enough."

Edd: "I can see right through your hobbled plan, Eddy." [Ed's ratty underwear begins to tear.] "And if you think this will withhold our giving Sarah her money back, you've got another thing coming, mister."

[Ed's underwear breaks completely, and he falls to earth. Edd is the next to follow. Nat catches them both. The end of Ed's underwear, which was tied to his, falls over him and lands over his face.]

Edd: "ED'S UNDERWEAR! Oh!" [He retches.] "Soap! I need soap!" [Nat removes it from his face]

Eddy: [stepping on Edd's underwear] "Hold on there, trigger. We're just getting started! We owe Sarah money, with interest! So you two get back in that tree, and I'll get a slingshot, and–"

Edd: "I've had just about enough for one day, thank you!"

Nat: "Eddy this is completely unfair you were the one who told Ed to get those jawbreakers! I won't let you continue torturing them!"

Eddy: [mocking and singsongy] "What about paying Sarah back?"

Edd: [vengeful] "Oh, we'll pay back, Eddy." [He whispers in Nat's ear, she nods. He whispers in Ed's ear, and Ed giggles. They then march up to Eddy.]

Eddy: "What are you looking at?"

[Ed and Edd grab Eddy.]

[Eddy is hanging from the tree by his underwear. Eddy comes sailing up and hits the tree branch. He then bounces back down to the sound of cheers.]

Kevin: "Sweet! Nice one, Nazz."

Nazz: [holding a hammer] "That was fun."

[There is a lever with a target painted on one end and Eddy hovering slightly over the other. The aim is to hit the target with a hammer and knock Eddy upwards.]

Nazz: "Who's up next?"

Jonny: "It's our turn, huh Plank? Yip yip, yahoo!" [He jumps on the board.]

Eddy: "NO!" [He hits the branch.]

Edd: "Step right up, Rolf.

Nat: "It only costs one penny."

Rolf: "You must be pulling Rolf's finger. Rolf shall return!" [He rushes off.]

Kevin: "I'll just take your turn till you get back then."

Edd: "At a penny a turn, it may take a while to pay you back, Sarah."

Sarah: [relaxed] "That's okay, Double D."

Eddy: "Don't do it Kev!"

Sarah: [She watches Eddy hit the tree and smiles.] "I've got all the time in the world."

Ed: "And I've got a jar on my buttocks."

[Rolf reappears with a gigantic bag of pennies.]

Rolf: "Rolf would like these many goes at the Ed-boy."

Eddy: "You gotta be kidding me! Hey, wait! That's enough to cover Sarah's allowance! Right, Sarah?"

Rolf: "Stand back, as Rolf has eaten Mama's pickled cabbage!" [He raises the hammer.] "SHLAHORM!"

Eddy: "Oh man. [Rolf hits the target with the hammer] MOOOMMYYY!!!"


	74. The Day the Ed Stood Still

[Edd is at a Ring Toss. He throws one of the rings at a bottle and misses by a mile.]

Eddy: "Hey useless!" [Eddy is in a standee.] "Put those rings down and take a load off your eyes!"

Edd: "Ha ha ha, very funny, Eddy. But in order to attract a crowd, one needs to demonstrate the use of these archaic arcade games."

Eddy: "Is that what you're trying to do?

Nat: "Let me try."

[Edd gives Nat the ring. She tosses it and it lands on the bottle.]

Nat: "How was that?"

Edd: "Most impressive."

Eddy: "Step aside, let the pro demonstrate." [He starts the Whak-a-Ed machine.]

Ed: "Whack me! Whack me whack me! Whack me!" [Ed dodges each attempt.]

Eddy: "Hold still, Lumpy, so I can hitcha!"

Edd: [sarcastic] "Bravo well done, Eddy. You've convinced me! Your skill and expertise at mundane, misleading and moth-ridden carnival games makes me want to throw caution to the wind and give you all my money."

Eddy: "You're making fun of me, aren't ya–"

Ed: "MONSTER! I want to be a monster!" [He breaks free of the game, slamming Eddy into the strength tester, and runs towards a mural with a monster drawn on it. He puts his head through the monster and growls.] "Look at me! I am a monster!" [He grunts again.] "I am just a monster in a boy's body."

Edd: "If only for a day I could enjoy the serenity of Ed's world."

Nat: "Wouldn't that be nice."

Eddy: "Hey!" [He goes over to Ed.] "Why do you always have to WRECK EVERYTHING!"

[Eddy leaps on Ed, and they begin to fight.]

Nat: "Guys please stop."

Ed: "But Eddy, I just wanna be a monster!"

Edd: "I was quite enamored by Ed's impersonation, Eddy."

Eddy: "What're ya flappin your gums about now?"

Edd: "Humor me. What if Ed really was a monster? Think about it. Ed's overactive imagination could attract customers, Eddy."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "I SAID I–" [He understands.] "Customers are practically suckers! I like that."

Ed: "Monster for Ed, good I will be."

[Edd is working on Ed's monster costume.]

Eddy: [sourly] "You better not mess this up, Lumpy."

Ed: [excited] "I will be the best monster I can be, Eddy!"

Edd: "I am sure you will, Ed. Now try this on." [He puts the head on the costume.]

Ed: "Wow. I feel transformed, guys." [Edd, Nat and Eddy giggle.]

Eddy: "Hey, look! Ed's got a chin!"

Edd: "I'll just go get a mirror, Ed. You look very convincing!"

[Edd enters the house. Ed's gaze falls on Eddy and stays there.]

Eddy: "You're a natural, Ed. You shoulda been born a monster."

[In Ed's mind, several monstrous growls are heard as his vision begins to take on a red tint.]

Eddy: [impatient] "Man, what's he doing, making a mirror?" [to Ed] "What's with you?"

Nat: "Ed?

Ed: "I AM A MONSTER! BLLLLLAUUUUUUUUURRRRRGHHHHHHAAAAA!!!" [Eddy screams as Ed attacks.]

Edd: [waving a mirror] "I'm back!" [He takes in the destroyed garage.] "FATHER'S GARAGE! Oh dear oh dear oh dear. Curse the consequences of an only child."

Nat: "Ed just attacked Eddy."

Eddy: [dazed] "Ed's an animal."

Edd: "Ed?"

[Ed is nowhere to be seen; however, there is a gigantic hole in the garage door.]

Eddy: "Who else? That idiot then busted through the garage growling like a monster."

Edd: "I told you about Ed's overactive imagination."

Eddy: "Hey, don't look at me. I'm the one who got overimaginated all over."

Edd: "Ed's prone to overstimulation Eddy! He can't control himself!"

Eddy: "You're the one who dressed him up!"

Nat: "He couldn't have known!"

[A growl comes from outside.]

Jimmy: "Help me! Aah!"

Edd: "Heavens! It's Jimmy!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy rush to the playground. When they get there, they find all the equipment has been broken. Saliva and bite marks abound on the destroyed playthings.]

Edd: "Jimmy? Oh my." [Eddy looks at a swing set that is now in the shape of a chicken and laughs.] "This is worse than I thought. This isn't as simple as pretending or playacting, Eddy. Ed actually believes he's become a monster! He's even made off with–"

Nazz: "Jimmy!"

Kevin: "Hey, Fluffy!"

Rolf: "Fluffy? Is it not Jimmy? Who is Fluffy?"

Edd: "We have to warn the others!"

[Eddy slaps a bandage over Edd's mouth.]

Eddy: "In your dreams!"

[Another one of Ed's growls is heard.]

Jimmy: "Help!"

Eddy: "C'mon!"

[Eddy drags Edd as Nat follows to the edge of the playground just in time to see Ed disappearing into the construction site.]

Nazz: "Poor Jimmy."

Jonny: [leading them to the construction site] "C'mon, everybody, Plank says he heard something over here!"

Kevin: "Yeah, right, and I'm the king of Siam."

Rolf: "And Rolf is the Head of Cabbage!"

Eddy: "I'll figure out a way to make a buck off this if it kills me!" [He runs off.]

Edd: [muffled] "Eddy, no! Wait!"

Nat: "Where are you going?"

[Ed, vision tinted red, looks out at the kids.]

Kevin: "Where are ya, Fluffy?"

Nazz: "Jimmy!"

Rolf: "Rolf is confused! Is it Jimmy or this Fluffy who is lost?"

[Jonny comes near the pile of dirt Ed is hiding behind.]

Jonny: "Oh, Jimmy! Jimmy!"

[Jonny spots an opened box of Chunky Puffs. What he doesn't see is the monster's tail slowly and silently moving towards him.]

Jonny: "How lucky can you get, Plank? Chunky Puffs!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy look out as Jonny begins to munch. Slowly, the tail begins wrapping itself around him, circling his body once, twice...]

Edd: [pulling the bandage off] "Ouch. JONNY!"

Nat: "BEHIND YOU!"

[The instant they yell, the tail constricts around Jonny, immobilizing him in its powerful grip. Jonny, his lungs crushed, is unable to utter a sound as Ed's tail yanks him away to who-knows-where.]

Eddy: "Did you see that?" [He laughs.]

Edd: [remorseful] "What have I done? I've actually created a monster!"

Nat: "You didn't know this would happened!"

[Rolf, Nazz, and Kevin are still searching when another roar splits the air. Rolf jumps on Kevin in a fit of fear.]

Rolf: "What is this sound that makes Rolf soil his trousers?"

Kevin: "I don't know, man, so get off me!"

[Nazz, scared, backs up. She trips over Plank. Fearfully, she picks the board up.]

Nazz: [fearfully] "Guys, I just found Plank without a Jonny!"

[A rain of drool falls in front of her, and she looks up. Kevin, Rolf, and Nazz all scream.]

Kevin: [scared out of his pants] "Check it out!"

[The kids run away.]

Eddy: [laughing] "This is too rich! Ed scared the pants off of 'em!"

[Rolf, Nazz, and Kevin run to a house, enter, and slam the door shut. Eddy runs up, clears his throat, and begins to act scared.]

Eddy: "Ahem." [pounding on the door] [fake scared] "Help me! Don't let the monster eat me!" [He chuckles, and Nat and Edd come to the door.]

Nat: "Everything will be ok!"

Edd: "No need to be alarmed! He's just playing! He wouldn't hurt a fly! Why, they're actually attracted to him!"

[Rolf, Nazz, and Kevin have barricaded the door with all the furniture in the house along with themselves.]

Kevin: "Take a hike, dorks! It's every man for himself!"

Edd: "They didn't hear a word I said!"

Nat: "They're too scared!"

Eddy: "I've gotta see the look on their faces!" [He runs around to the back of the house.]

[Inside, everything is quiet. The kids slowly back away from their barricade, daring to believe that everything is okay. Suddenly, the door is thrown open by Ed's tail. Ed grabs Kevin and pulls him out.]

Kevin: "Whoa!"

[Kevin grabs onto the door on the way out, but lets go before his fingers can get smashed against the doorframe. After the door slams, there is no indication that Kevin was there except his hat, which fell off as he left.]

Nazz: [scared witless] "It took Kevin!"

[In the backyard, Eddy is on Edd's back as yanking at the windows and having no success opening them.]

Eddy: "What's with these stupid windows?!?"

Nat: "Double D over here!"

[Edd stands up, goes over to the back door as Nat calmly opens it.]

Eddy: "I hate it when you do that."

[Rolf and Nazz hurtle out, screaming. They run into Edd, Nat and Eddy, and the five fall in a pile.]

Edd: [dazed] "Who knew gullibility can be so painful."

[Ed's shadow appears over them. He looks like the Xenomorph from Alien. The fearsome monster howls, having found his prey.]

Eddy: [impressed] "Nice entrance."

[Rolf and Nazz shriek earsplitting screams of fear. Edd, getting an idea, rummages in Rolf's back pocket.]

Edd: "Excuse me Rolf."

[Edd pulls out a chicken. Edzilla stops, transfixed by the fowl. Edd holds it up and tosses it to the right. Edzilla follows.]

Rolf: [fearing for his chicken] "Take to your heels, Gertrude!"

Nat: "There! The clubhouse!

Edd: "Quickly, no time to explain!"

[They run to the clubhouse. Nazz is the first one up. She is followed by Rolf, who pushes Edd out of the way.]

Rolf: "Out of the way, oaf!"

Edd: "Overwhelming fear is not an excuse for rudeness, Rolf." [He notices he is on Eddy's head as he climbs up. Nat climbs up and shuts the door behind them. Ed, at the base of the tree, growls.]

Edd: "Let's remain calm, people." 

Nat: "We'll be safe here."

Nazz: [scared stiff] "Are you sure?"

Edd: "He's in his own little world now. The best thing is to just ignore him."

[The small, scared group looks down. Edzilla is running around the tree, knowing its prey is trapped.]

Rolf: [long since scared out of his wits] "The beast circles with hunger! We must appease it with a sacrifice!" [He picks up Nazz.]

Nazz: "Put me down, you jerk!"

Nat: "No wait!"

Edd: "You can't play his game. You'll only encourage his bad behavior!"

[Everyone freezes.]

Eddy: [couldn't care less] "So what, it's funny!"

Nazz: "Let go of me!" [She wallops Rolf on the noggin. He drops her as a foot-long bump grows in his head.]

Eddy: [amused] "See?"

Edd: "There's only one thing to do. Someone needs to go down and give him a time out!" [despondent] "I'll go."

Eddy: [disappointed] "Killjoy."

Nat: "I'm going with you."

Edd: "Are you sure?"

Nat: "Yes I can't let you do this alone."

[Edd smiles]

[Ed bangs his head against the tree repeatedly.]

Ed: "Ouch."

[Ed resumes the banging. The boards of the clubhouse rattle apart and tumble, landing in a heap on the ground.]

Edd: [concerned] "Are you all right, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Yes, thank you, Ed-boy. All is well."

[From out of nowhere, the jaws of Edzilla clamp down on Rolf from beneath.]

Rolf: [resigned to his fate] "Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd."

[Edzilla swallows the farmboy and stands up. Fully erect, he is a fearsome presence. He grabs Nazz and leaves.]

Nazz: "Help, aah! It's messing up my hair!"

Edd: "My apologies, Nazz! He's just trying to be the best monster he can–"

Eddy: [comes up dazed] "Hey, if you find any teeth laying around, they're mine." [falls back down]

[Edzilla drags a screaming Nazz back to his lair.]

Nazz: "Where are you taking me!"

[Once deep inside, he holds her up to his mouth.]

Nazz: [scared] "Please, don't eat me!"

[Edzilla picks up a big box of Chunky Puffs and chews it up. He then spits the concoction onto Nazz.]

Nazz: [now more grossed out than scared] "That is so gross, dude."

[Edzilla presses Nazz against a wall. All around her are her friends, who are also smothered in the cereal.]

Eddy: "C'mon I've gotta see where Ed took them!" [He climbs down]

[Nat and Edd prepare to climb down as well but before Nat does she kisses Edd on the cheek. He just stares at her dazed.]

Nat: [smiling] "For luck." [She climbs down]

Edd: [dazed] "I'm never washing this cheek again." [He climbs down]

Edd: "Ed seems to be acting out a science-fiction movie he may have seen!" [He, Nat and Eddy are outside looking in through the window.]

Eddy: [cackling] "Ed stuck them to the wall with chewed-up Chunky Puffs! Man, he's good!"

Nat: "Seriously Eddy?!"

Edd: "I fail to see the humor in this, Eddy!"

[Behind them, the window opens, and one of the monster's appendages slithers out.]

Nat: "He's coming!"

Edd: "He can't see us."

[He pulls a shrub over them to hide the trio from Edzilla's view. Ed creeps out and looks around. Seeing nothing strange, he continues on, presumably to continue his rampage.]

Eddy: "What an idiot!"

Edd and Nat: "Eddy!"

[Edd is in the basement. He signals for Nat and Eddy to follow him in.]

[When the kids see Edd, they cry out to him, begging for him to get them down.] Jonny: [pleading] "Get us down!"

Edd: "Yes, okay, I'm sorry!"

Nat: "We'll get you down."

Eddy: "What?"

Edd: "Come on, Eddy. Enough is enough!"

Nat: "Look at them!"

Eddy: [giving in] "Fine. We'll get 'em down." [adding a caveat] "For fifty cents a pop!"

Kevin: "Why, you!" Jonny: "That's not fair!"

[The kids all protest.]

Edd: [disgusted] "Eddy–" [The great shadow of Edzilla rises, and all noise stops.]

Eddy: [holding out his jar] "What? No skin off my bones. Who's first?"

[Edzilla stands behind Eddy, drooling. His drool quickly fills the jar. Eddy notices and looks up. When he sees the monster, Eddy loses all sense of composure as Edd and Nat pull him away from his jaws.]

Eddy: [now scared stiff of Edzilla] "HE WANTS THE SKIN OFF MY BONES, NAT AND DOUBLE D!!!!!!!" [Edzilla roars at them]

Edd: "Hold it right there, mister!

Nat: "Haven't you done enough today?"

Kevin: [impressed] "Check it out! Double D and Nat's yelling at it!"

Edd: [lecturing] "It's all fun and games till someone gets suspended from a wall!"

Nat: "Look at all the trouble you've caused!"

[Edzilla roars again. Suddenly, his mask is ripped off from behind.]

Ed: [back to normal and oblivious] "Hiya, guys!"

Sarah: [carrying the mask] "Mom said, no parties unless I'm invited!"

Rolf: [surprised] "The beast is no more than foolhardy Ed-boy!"

Jonny: [amazed] "Right on! Ed had me going too, buddy!"

Kevin: [sour] "The dork's twisted, I swear."

Nazz: [grossed out about the cererel on her] "I'm off cereal forever."

Jimmy: [scared] "Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh, no!" [She tries to pull Jimmy off the wall.]

Jimmy: [explaining] "Ed pretended to be a monster and terrorized the living heck out of us, Sarah! Oh wait, that pinches. Sarah, stop! It's gonna leave marks!"

[The elastic force of the cereal proves to be too great, and Sarah plunges face first into Jimmy's soggy, sticky back.]

Jimmy: "Sarah, is that you?"

Sarah: "Ed! Ed?"

[Ed's door closes gently. The Eds and Nat have left the building, leaving the kids to rant.]

Jonny: "Hey where did they go?"

Jimmy: "Get us down! Get us down!"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy are hiding under Eddy's bed.]

Edd: "Eddy! Hiding under your bed isn't going to save us from harm's way once the children eventually flake off Ed's wall!"

Eddy: "Relax, will ya? I always keep a couple of months worth of supplies for when the heat gets turned up." [He picks up a can.] "They'll forget about us in no time. Did you see a can opener?"

Ed: [popping out of the can] "I AM CAN OPENER MAN!"

Eddy: "What the--?"

Nat: "Please calm down Ed!"

Ed: "No no, wait!" [He picks up a box of tissues.]

Eddy: "Gimme the stupid can opener, Ed!"

Ed: [going nuts] "I AM TISSUE HEAD!"

Edd: [seeing that Ed's lost it] "We've lost him, Eddy."

Ed: "I WILL BLOW YOUR NOSE!" [moves the bed around, eventually creating a clutter out of it]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "ED, STOP!"

Ed: "No no, wait!" [pops from the bed] "I AM BED BUDDY! SLEEP ON ME!"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "ED!"


	75. If It Smells Like an Ed

[Jujubes are poured into a box. Rolf reaches in and plucks one out. He puts it into his mouth and chews on it happily. Another one follows it, and Jimmy comes up behind him.]

Jimmy: "Brother Rolf, are you trying to weasel out of your friendship duties?"

[Rolf, mouth full, signals his innocence to Jimmy and begins making papier-mache.]

Jimmy: "Silly me. I was just pulling your leg, silly!" [He takes a newly dipped sheet of newspaper.] "Thank you. Friendship is all about friends working together. Isn't that right, Brother Jonny?"

Jonny: [taking the paper from Jimmy] "You bet your sweet patootie, Brother Jimmy!"

[Jonny sticks the sheet on a gigantic red heart.]

Sarah: [painting] "This papier-mache heart was a great idea, Brother Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Sister Sarah?"

Sarah: "Yes, Brother Jimmy?"

Jimmy: "Gotcha!" [He tweaks Sarah's nose with a glue covered finger. The kids giggle happily.]

Sarah: "You little rascal, you."

[Everyone joins in on the laughter this time; it is a laugh not of meanness, but of joy, contentment, and friendship.]

Jonny: [hugging Plank] "I love you too, buddy."

Nazz: [approaching the heart] "Hey! That's so cool, guys!"

Jimmy: "Oh, oh hi Nazz! Hi Kevin! Join us, won't you? It's Friendship Day!"

Nazz: "Aw, that's so cute, Jimmy!" [They embrace.]

Kevin: "What a bore."

Jonny: "Whoopee! All done, Brother Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Hah?"

Sarah: "Hurry, come see! It's beautiful."

Nazz: "Isn't it adorable, Kevin?"

Kevin: "What am I doing here?" [He sees Rolf holding hands with Jimmy.] "Rolf! Not you, too!"

Jimmy: "Let's hold hands, Brother Kevin, and sing an ode of joy to friendship."

[The kids join hands, forming a semicircle around the heart.]

Sarah: "Hit it, Brother Jimmy."

Jimmy:

When you stub your toe

And it hurts you know

The Kids:

Friends are there to help you

When you trip on your face

And your teeth are misplaced

Friends are there to help you

When you're flying low

And you're giving a show

Friends are there to help you

When you take off your shoe

And your feet stink PEE-YEW!

Friends are there to help you.

[As the verse closes, a smile spreads across Kevin's face.]

Jimmy: "Second verse, same as the first!"

The Kids:

When you stub your toe

And it hurts you know

Friends are there to help you

When you trip on your face

And your teeth are misplaced

Friends are there to help you

When you're flying low

And you're giving a show

Friends are there to help you

When you take off your shoe

And your feet stink PEE-YEW!

Friends are there to help you.

[As the song comes to a close, the Eds enter, and Jonny bumps into Edd.]

Jonny: "Get with the groove, Double D."

Eddy: "Jujubes! Don't mind if I do." [He steals one from Rolf.]

Ed: "Look at the size of the whatever-that-thing-is!"

Kevin: "It's about time the dorks showed up."

Eddy: [laughing as Rolf grouchily eats another jujube] "Is that a heart? You gotta be kidding me. It's so delicate."

Ed: "And red!"

Edd: "I think it's a lovely addition to our cul-de-sac."

Jimmy: "Isn't it precious?" [turning to Eddy] "C'mon, Eddy! Quit being such a Mr. Grumpypants! It's Friendship Day! Just reach out and touch somebody!"

Eddy: "Whatever you say, friend."

[Eddy reaches into Jimmy's pants and hikes up Jimmy's undies, pulling them over his head in a giant wedgie.]

Jimmy: "I've been wedgied!" [All the kids except Sarah laugh. Jimmy looks around the circle of mean faces and falls to the ground in tears.]

Sarah: "That's it, Ed! I'm telling Mom!"

Ed: "Uh oh." [He pushes his friends away from the gathering.]

Eddy: "Aw, lighten up. It was a joke."

Nazz: "Hey guys, wasn't there a paintbrush here a second ago?"

Sarah: "Huh? I bet Ed took it!"

Edd: [walking away] "Have I ever mentioned you have impeccable timing, Eddy?" [Sarah grabs Ed.]

Ed: "Here we go!"

Sarah: "You stole my paintbrush, Ed! Give it back!"

Ed: "Paintbrush?" [Sarah trips over Eddy's outstretched leg.]

Eddy: "Ed didn't take your stupid paintbrush, Sherlock."

Kevin: [watching] "Things are picking up."

Jonny: "Boy, Plank, why would Ed want to steal a paintbrush?" [He receives no response and looks down at Plank.] "HOLY COW!" [Plank's mouth is missing.] "Somebody wiped off Plank's mouth!"

Sarah: "What?"

Kevin: "No way." [The kids, including Edd, gather around Plank.]

Jonny: "Of all the rotten luck, huh buddy?"

Edd: "Oh dear. Um, perhaps it's been absorbed by Plank's permeable fibrous composition?"

Jonny: [in tears] "Get me a crayon, for crying out loud!"

Nazz: "What's that rag in your pocket, Double D?"

[Nazz is pointing at a blue-stained rag sticking out of Edd's back pocket.]

Edd: [shocked] "Rag?"

Nazz: "Is that Plank's mouth stain?"

Jonny: [brokenhearted] "Double D? How could you?"

Edd: [seeing the unsympathetic faces of the kids] "Oh, come on, people! Why would I want to erase Plank's mouth? This isn't my rag!"

Jimmy: "Heavens to betsy! Look!"

[A hockey stick has been thrown straight through the heart.]

Jimmy: "See?"

Sarah: "For crying out loud." [The kids murmur, shocked. Kevin pulls the stick out and stares at Eddy.]

Kevin: "Something reeks around here." [He plucks the hockey stick from the heart.]

Eddy: [noticing the kids are staring at him] "What?"

Kevin: "What's your name doing on this stick, Eddy?" [Eddy's name is written on the stick.]

Eddy: "My name? Hey, don't look at me! You're the jock boy. I say you did it!"

Edd: "I really must protest. Your accusations are purely based on conjecture. Why we would never–"

Jonny: "Zip it, mouth-wiper-offer!"

Sarah: "Yeah, like we're gonna believe paintbrush stealers!"

Nazz: "Or hockey stick throwers! You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, blaming Kevin! That's so immature, dudes!" [The kids walk away.]

Jimmy: "Hooligans!"

Jonny: "Yeah, what he said."

Kevin: "What can I tell ya? Thanks for dorking up an otherwise dull day."

[Rolf laughs sinisterly as he walks away from the Eds.]

Eddy: "We're innocent, I tell ya! You guys gotta trust us! How're we supposed to rip you off if you don't trust us?" [Ed hugs the damaged heart.]

Edd: "Well, this is a fine kettle of fish! What could a stained rag be doing in my back pocket?"

Eddy: "It sure wasn't pickling daisies! Quit being such a pigeon, Double D! They tried to set us up!"

[Ed notices a large red footprint on the sidewalk.]

Edd: "I'm not ready to accept that, Eddy. At least not without establishing a motive as to why someone would want to implicate Ed, you, and I with such contemptible wrongdoings. Now, let's see." [He pulls out a list of suspects: Jimmy, Sarah, Jonny, Nazz, and Kevin.] "Well, it couldn't have been Jimmy."

Eddy: "I wouldn't put money on that. Everyone's jealous of our talents, charm, and good looks. And Jimmy's one of them."

Edd: "Well, Sarah wouldn't have the patience to–"

Eddy: "Sarah hates us!"

Edd: "Okay, then there's Jonny–"

Eddy: "He secretly hates us."

Edd: "Nazz?"

Eddy: "Well, she hates you."

Edd: "Thank you for reinforcing that phobia, Eddy. Well, last but not least there's Kevin, and...he hates us."

Ed: "What about Nat?

Eddy: "Nat's not even here!"

Edd: "Speaking of Nat where is she?"

[Nat suddenly shows up.]

Nat: "Hey guys!"

Edd: "Hello Nat, You took quite a while to arrive."

Nat: "Yeah sorry about that I had to look for my camera. What's going on?"

Eddy: "We've been framed!"

Nat: "Framed? By who?"

Eddy: "We don't know!"

Edd: "That is what we are trying to figure out."

Nat: "I'm sorry guys. Do you have any suspects?"

Edd: "We have quite a few but are not sure which one to pick."

Ed: "I know who did it!"

Eddy: "What are you talking about, Ed?" [He walks over to Ed.]

Ed: [pointing to the footprint] "The offender stood here, as they pilfered the paintbrush, directly behind Jonny, where the offender rubbed out Plank's mouth, thus having the perfect standpoint at which to chuck the said hockey stick."

Edd: [impressed] "Why, Ed, that was very good!"

Eddy: "Hold that thought." [cynical] "So tell us, Ed. Who did it?"

Ed: "Simple, my fine friends. It was a foot."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy stand there, cowed by Ed's combination of genius and utter stupidity.]

Eddy: "Hard to believe he can dress himself, ain't it?"

Edd: "But, Eddy, Ed found a footprint obviously left by the perpetrator of these false allegations."

Eddy: "No foolin'?"

Edd: "Bravo, Ed." [He gives Ed a pat on the head.] "

Eddy: "We'll just match their feet to it and trap the rat."

Edd: "They'll never agree to this type of verification, Eddy." [meloncholy] "Branded we are, exiled and disgraced! Forevermore!" [The cement block beneath them lifts up.]

Ed: [carrying it] "To the victors, the spoils will smell!"

Eddy: "Let's find our rat, Ed!"

Ed: [catching Edd as he falls off] "Whoops! Gotcha, Double D."

[The Eds start walking but Nat doesn't follow. They are quick to notice.]

Eddy: "Well come on Nat!"

Nat: "Um actually I can't come with you."

[The Eds stare at her slightly taken aback.]

Edd: "You can't? May I ask why?"

Nat: "Because...I...uh...forgot to do my chores before I left!"

[The Eds stare at her confused.]

Edd: "But don't you usually do them before you leave?"

Nat: "Yeah well I was so focused on finding my camera that it slipped my mind, silly me, well I better go do them bye!"

[Nat rushes home while the Eds continue to stare confused.]

Edd: "That was strange. She usually does her everyday tasks before she leaves the house. Why was today different?"

Eddy: "I'll tell you why it's because she doesn't want to help us! She also thinks we did it!"

Edd: "That's preposterous Eddy! Nat is our friend!"

Eddy: "Oh really? Then why was she so eager to get away from us?"

Edd: "I'm sure she has a reasonable explanation."

Eddy: "Yeah right. Well who needs her! C'mon we'll do this ourselves."

[The Eds continue walking while Edd has a look of sadness on his face.]

[Kevin walks down the lane. Ed and Edd hide as they truck it beside him. On the other side of a fence, Eddy runs along. He tacks a picture of Nazz in a bikini to the fence. Kevin spots this and stops. He walks towards the photo, and the Eds place the painted footprint right in front of him. Kevin stops just short. Ed solves this problem by lifting Kevin and putting the cement block underneath him. Kevin chooses this moment to walk forward. Eddy angrily pushes the fencepost forward, knocking Kevin over out cold. Ed then matches the footprint to Kevin's right shoe only to find his foot is too small and does not match. Eddy slams his fist on the cement.]

[Sarah is in the living room, playing with her dolls. Eddy grabs one while she isn't looking and tears it in two. He hands the broken pieces to Ed and sends him in. Ed comes flying out seconds later, a bootprint on his butt. Edd measures the print with a ruler and compares it to the red footprint on the concrete, only to find it is also too short. Eddy's eager smile drops from his face when he sees this.]

[Nazz is using the trampoline in her backyard, bouncing merrily away. Underneath, the Eds are desperately trying to put the cement under where she will land. Unfortunately for them, Nazz is always in another spot. Ed, after moving the block on top of Eddy, just grabs her legs with his hands instead of trying to place the cement under them. He then moves her feet onto the print. Edd examines them and shakes his head. Eddy thumps his fist on the concrete in anger. Ed lets go of Nazz, and she shoots upwards into the sky.]

[Rolf is walking down the lane, still eating jujubes. He sees the Eds coming towards him with the slab of cement. The Eds see him and stop. Rolf calmly turns away and walks back down the street. He turns into the lane, and Eddy beckons for his friends to follow him. When he comes to the entrance, however, the lane is empty. Rolf is actually in someone's yard, on the other side of a fence. He watches them. The Eds, confused, move on. Rolf watches them go, eating jujubes all the while and smiling sinisterly.]

[The Eds come to a house. Eddy presses his ear to a garage door, and then points at it. Ed backs up and then charges forward, using the cement block as a battering ram. The door crumples inward and falls, revealing Jimmy, dressed in full hockey attrie and practicing shooting pucks into a net.]

Jimmy: [backing into a closet] "Um, eh, this isn't what it looks like..."

Eddy: "You're that rat! That was your hockey stick!" [He brings Jimmy out.]

Jimmy: "No, I didn't do it, Eddy, honest! It wasn't me!"

Eddy: "Check it out, Double D. He set us up, didn't he, the little–"

Edd: "No match here, Eddy." [Jimmy begins to cry.]

Jimmy: "I hate hockey! My father makes me practice!"

Edd: "Oh dear, Jimmy. I didn't know."

Eddy: "Coulda sworn it was him."

Ed: "Chin up, mister, let Ed dry those–"

[Ed, reaching into his pocket, lets go of the cement slab, which lands on his feet, crushing them. All noise stops.]

[Eddy walks by, carrying Edd's magnifying glass. Ed follows, walking on his hands, his feet bandaged up.]

Ed: "I should have all the feeling back in my feet after this word from our sponsors, Double D!"

Edd: [struggling to carry the concrete] "Curse broadcast commercialism!"

Commercials.

[The Eds walk past the lane. Ed's feet are still bandaged, but he is walking on them now. Edd is carrying the cement. A sudden mumbling noise attracts their attention. Jonny has been tied up and covered in jujubes. Plank, mouth still wiped off, has "Giant Jonny Chew: 50¢" written on him.]

Ed: "Candy!" [He starts to eat the jujubes.]

Eddy: "Careful, Ed! You don't know where that candy's been!" [reading Plank] "Oh look. Giant Jonny Chew, only fifty cents."

Edd: "Why would someone want to cover Jonny–" [He drops the block and sits on it.] "–in assorted jujubes?"

Ed: [mouth full of jujubes] "If it ain't broke, don't fix it, Double D."

Jonny: "Olag olag olag!"

Eddy: [scared] "Um, guys? Look."

[On the back of Plank is another one of the mysterious red footprints.]

Edd: "Oh dear. This can only point to one thing."

Ed: "Rotten teeth?"

Edd: "No, Ed. Well, yes. What I'm trying to say is, whomever did this to Jonny is certainly the same scoundrel who's made everyone believe we're to blame for his or her mischief."

[The kids come to the entrance of the lane and stop. They spot the cement block and look up to see the Eds standing next to the tied up Jonny. Eddy is measuring Jonny's foot against Plank.]

Eddy: "Jonny's foot's too small too. The rat's got clodhoppers for feet!"

Kevin: "Busted."

Sarah: "What'd you do to Jonny?"

Eddy: "Jonny was like this when we found him!" [Rolf peers over the fence.]

Kevin: "Yeah, right. We saw you dorks with our own eyes!"

Edd: "Please, let me explain! We have evidence that proves our innocence!" [Rolf smiles evilly.]

Nazz: "We've had enough of your lies!"

Jimmy: "They made me cry!"

Kevin: "That's it! I'm giving you a lifetime worth of lumps."

[The kids advance towards the Eds.]

Sarah: "Somebody find me a club!"

The Eds: "RUN AWAY!"

Kevin: "Get back here!"

Jimmy: "Make 'em cry, Kevin! Do it!"

Jonny: [following, still tied up, gagged, and blindfolded] "Mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm!"

Eddy: "Hurry up, they're gaining! Mommy!"

[Rolf lounges against a tree, perfectly happy with how things are going.]

Sarah: "Get back here!"

Kevin: "Yo, Rolf, how 'bout helping us, man? There's plenty of dork to go around."

[Rolf, mouth full of jujubes, declines.]

Kevin: "Those jujubes'll rot your teeth, dude."

[Ed runs away from the kids.]

Ed: "Guys, wait up!" [Eddy's hands reach out of a bush and grab him by his feet. He pulls Ed in. Edd bounces out and land facefirst in the dirt. The kids run past the bush.]

Nazz: "This way!"

Jonny: "Mmm, mmm mmm mmm."

Kevin: "It's poundin time."

Eddy: "Man, that was close."

Edd: "Huh?" [He finds a jujube stuck in his teeth and pulls it out.] "What's this?" [He stands up.] "Look! A procession of jujubes!"

[A line of jujubes leads away from the Eds.]

Edd: "Eddy, I have a hunch if we follow this trail, it will lead straight to our perpetrator!"

Eddy: "Time to squeal on the heel!"

Ed: [eating the candies off the ground] "Gritzy!"

[A black-gloved hand places jujubes on the ground.]

[The Eds follow the trail. It leads to a log bridge. Eddy and Edd cross easily. Ed, who is eating off the ground, has a tougher time, as his mouth gets wedged around the bridge. His friends don't notice.]

Eddy: "The rat's leading us right to him! What an idiot!"

[Edd and Eddy continue along the path. Suddenly, they stop. The path leads to a deserted cabin.]

Ed: [having finished the log] "Mmm."

Kevin: "Try this way!" [The kids start along the path the Eds took.]

Nazz: "Yeah, let's go that way!"

[Edd and Eddy stand staring nervously at the door. The door clangs open and shut with the wind.]

Eddy: "You go first, Double D."

[They stand there, afraid to go in. A long pause occurs.]

Eddy: [breaking the silence] "Ahh, there's no one in there."

Edd: "I concur, Eddy. Why, no one in their right mind would hide in that shed."

[They turn to go, but Ed runs into them, pushing them into the shed.]

Ed: "Kids mean! Sarah hurt!" [The Eds land beneath a small window, which provides the only light.] "I fell."

Kevin: "Hey, check it out! I bet they're in that shed!" [He looks in.]

Eddy: "Moo moo. Moo, moo moo?" [The Eds have arranged themselves into a cow.]

Ed: "Quack!"

Kevin: "No sign of the twerps. Just a cow, I think." [He walks away and the Eds go back to normal.]

Eddy: "Quack? What cow goes quack?"

Edd: "Well, Eddy, there have been cases of domestic bovine whose grunt could be misconstrued as somewhat of a quack."

[Ed grabs Edd and turns his head forward. The Eds, cowed, look straight ahead. In front of them is the shadowy form of Rolf.]

Eddy: [getting squeezed by Ed] "Oh, cheese!"

Edd: "Look! It's the perpetrator!"

Eddy: "Who is it? I can't see!"

Ed: [dropping Eddy] "Hiya, Rolf!"

Edd: "Rolf?"

Eddy: [standing up] "Rolf? Why you backstabbing, two-timing–what's the big idea, setting us up?"

[Rolf's form splits apart into three very familiar figures: The Kanker Sisters. Lee turns on a lightbulb.]

Marie: "Sweet nothings'll get you everywhere!"

The Eds: "KANKERS!"

Eddy: "I should've known."

Marie: "Better late then never, I always say."

The Eds: "RUN AWAY!!!" [They throw open the door to find the kids still linger.]

Kevin: "Hey, there they are! Let's tear 'em apart."

The Eds: "KIDS!" [They slam the door and face their other foe.] "KANKERS!"

Kevin: [pounding on the door] "Come out here and take it like a dork!"

Lee: "Looks like we've got you wanted men. Bail is set at... two hundred kisses!"

Eddy: "Whatdowedowhatdowedo?" [The door heaves again, pushing them forward.]

Sarah: "I've got 'em! I've got 'em!"

Edd: "We're caught in a vortex of impending doom! Trapped like animals, fresh for the slaughter!"

May: "Just toss one right here!"

[The Eds look back and forth between the angry kids and the lustful Kankers.]

The Kankers: "Hubba Hubba!"

[The Eds are taped to a fence and being pelted with fruit.]

Eddy: "This ain't so bad."

Edd: "The lesser of two evils, I suppose. Although, I can't help but feel something isn't right here."

Ed: [catching an orange in the face] "Got me!"

[Fruit basket empty, the kids leave.]

Nazz: "Well, I feel good."

Kevin: "That'll teach ya."

Jonny: "I hit 'em twice, buddy!"

Sarah: "Idiots."

Jimmy: "Looks good on ya." [Rolf taps Jimmy's shoulder.]

Rolf: "Excuse me, semi-opaque one. More for Rolf, yes?"

Jimmy: "You certainly are a little piggy, aren't you?" [He pours jujubes into Rolf's tin from a huge bag.]

Rolf: "Rolf is confused as to why you provide him with these jujubes, but who's complaining?"

Edd and Eddy: [realizing] "JUJUBES!" [Jimmy begins to shake.]

Eddy: "Where'd you get those from?"

Jimmy: "Get what?" [He turns around, revealing a boot with the sole painted red.] "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Edd: "Look! A paint-spattered boot!"

Ed: "I smell rotten something, i..."

Jimmy: [triumphantly tossing the boot away] "Yes! It was me! And I'd do it again!"

Eddy: "Why, you little rat, wait'll I–"

Edd: "But, why, Jimmy. Why implicate us?"

Jimmy: "Revenge takes no prisoners, Double D!"

Eddy: "Revenge? What the heck did we do!"

Jimmy: "You ruined a perfectly good pair of underpants, you big brute!"

Edd: "Oh, the wedgie!"

Ed: "Oh, yeah, that was funny." [He giggles.]

Jimmy: "Stop it, stop it, stop it! I have never been so humiliated in all my life." [He remembers what he did.]

Jimmy: "Your mocking laughter, gouging at my fragile pride just like my undies. It was at that moment... I formulated my revenge. When the coast was clear, I tippy-toed into action. It began simply with a missing paintbrush. I just waited for the others to take my bait."

Sarah: "ED!"

Jimmy: "Bingo. My fiendish plan was working. With my next move, I would have to sacrifice my own shoulder stuffing. Desperate, yes, but ideal for smudging off Plank's mouth."

[Jimmy is shown wiping off Plank's mouth and then tucking the rag into Edd's back pocket.]

Jimmy: "Smooth as silk. And let's not forget Eddy."

[Jimmy is seen writing Eddy's name on a hockey stick and plunging it through the heart.]

Jimmy: "Who else would sink so low as to pierce our heart of friendship? Cad. Ignoring the butterflies in my tummy, I needed to protect my innocence. So I chose a patsy to keep you losers off my trail."

[Jimmy is seen giving Rolf some jujubes.]

Jimmy: "In enters Rolf, whose insatiable appetite for my jujubes fit snugly into my plans."

[Jimmy is seen painting a work boot.]

Jimmy: "Feeling creative, I decided to tease and taunt you with false clues. Tidbits of information to tickle your nosy parker ways."

[Jimmy is seen placing the wet painted shoe on the sidewalk. He then places an acorn in a loop of string tied to a false tree branch.]

Jimmy: "Artfully, I staged every diversion. Luring Jonny with an insipid acorn was pure genius."

[Jonny is playing with the dangling acorn as Jimmy pulls him away in a wagon.]

Jimmy: "As he would have known to cement my freedom from sin. The jujubes remained a constant theme."

[Jimmy is seen gluing jujubes to a bound and gagged Jonny.]

Jimmy: "But was I satisfied? I should say not. I prepared myself for the enlistment of some help."

[Jimmy goes over and knocks on the door of the Kankers' trailer. The Kankers leap out and beat him up.]

Jimmy: "Happy to see me, the Kankers greeted me with their usual tact of pounding the heck out of me. As I wheezed my proposal about you rotten Eds, they agreed, and a deal was struck."

[The Kankers and Jimmy share a spit shake to seal the deal.]

Jimmy: "I had goosebumps as I laid a trail of jujubes that would seal your fate."

[Jimmy is seen placing the jujubes and then hustling the Kankers inside when he hears the Eds are coming.]

Jimmy: "It was all I could do to contain the excitement in the air. Vengeance would be mine. So I pulled myself together for my final performance..."

[Jimmy is seen calling the kids to the trail.]

Jimmy: "...and nailed your butts."

[Jimmy is seen standing behind the kids as they pound on the door. He is laughing his head off.]

[In reality, Jimmy is laughing his head off as well. Eddy is angry, Ed is confused, and Edd is amazed.]

Edd: "Ingenious!"

Eddy: "What?"

Edd: "A little long-winded, mind you, but absolutely cunning."

Ed: [stomach rumbling] "Is it lunch yet?"

Eddy: "GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! YOU WANKLED FLUFFY HAIRED HALF-PINTED TWART!"

Jimmy: "Quiet, bigmouth!" [Eddy is instantly silenced.] "I have a deal to complete." 

Nat: "JIMMY!"

[Jimmy turns around and sees Nat with the rest of the kids.]

Nat: "It's over Jimmy! Everyone knows it was you!"

Jimmy: "You can't prove anything!"

Nat: "Oh really?" [She holds up three photos of Jimmy commiting the vandalisms.]

Jimmy: "Oh dear!"

Kevin: "Hey Nat didn't you say you had extra food?"

Nat: "I sure do." [she pulls a piece of the fence down to reveal a box of food.]

The Kids: "GET HIM!"

Jimmy: "AHHH!!"

[The Kids chase Jimmy down the street pelting him with food.]

Nat: "Are you guys ok?"

Eddy: "Nat what are you doing here?"

Nat: "What do you mean?"

Edd: "We thought, well mostly Eddy, you believed we we're guilty just like everyone else did."

Nat: "What? No that's not true, I knew you guys didn't do it."

Eddy: "Then why didn't you come with us when we we're trying to find who really did it?"

Nat: "Because I knew it was Jimmy from the start."

The Eds: "WHAT?!?"

Nat: "I would show flashbacks but that would make the episode too long so I'll just explain. I was coming outside with my camera to join you guys and take a picture of the heart the other kids we're working on when I saw Jimmy looking suspicious. Getting curious I hid behind my house and watched Jimmy to see what he was doing. When I saw him wiping Plank's mouth with a rag my mind was telling me to take a picture so I did. I then took two more pictures of the other things he did. When I saw him frame you guys and the other kids yelling at you I knew I had to show the pictures. I had one of those cameras where you had to bring them to a dark room to get them to focus, so when I told you guys I couldn't come with you for your investigation It was for that reason. I was able to get the pictures to focus so I left my house to find you guys and show you the pictures, However as I was walking I heard Jimmy so I hid behind a fence. As I looked I saw you guys taped to the wall and Jimmy taunting you. At that moment I knew I had to tell the other kids and show them the pictures to clear your name and get them to help me stop Jimmy. I ran to find the other kids and I was able to find them. I showed them the pictures first and as I did I was able to prove your innocence and get them to help me stop Jimmy. And now here we are."

[The Eds just stare at Nat completely speechless.]

Nat: "I'm sorry I didn't go with you guys I just really needed those pictures."

Eddy: "Yeah question why didn't you tell us about the pictures BEFORE we went on that journey?!?"

Nat: [smiling] "What and ruin the plot?" [She giggles as Eddy growls] "Alright let's get you guys free." 

[Nat pulls on the tape and manages to free the Eds.]

Nat: "I can't believe you guys thought I turned my back on you, I would never do that, you guys mean a lot to me."

The Eds: "Thank you Nat."

[All three Eds hug Nat as she hugs them back. They all let go.]

Nat: "Look you guys have been through a lot today, I'll buy you guys jawbreakers." [She reaches in her pocket to reveal coins.]

Eddy: "You have money?!"

Edd: "Where did you get that much?!"

Nat: "I managed to grab a few from my piggy bank."

Edd: "You would really buy us jawbreakers?"

Nat: "Of course after all it is Friendship Day."

Eddy: "Well what are we waiting for?!"

Ed: "Jawbreakers!"

[Nat smiles as they all walk to the candy store hand in hand.]


	76. Don't Rain on My Ed

Eddy: "Hey there, brave conquistador! Welcome to Ed and Nat's Peek Into the Future!" [He backs off, allowing us to see a giant cardboard futuristic city with a tunnel leading inside.] "See what marvels await you in the world of tomorrow! Only twenty-five cents." [He looks at Plank.] "Each, that is."

Jonny: "Plank wants to know if we'll live on Mars."

Eddy: "Maybe, maybe not." [He holds out a jar.]

[The door creaks open.]

Eddy: "The answers, my friend, are blowin' in the wind."

[Jonny enters, and Eddy slams the door. Suddenly the lights flip on, revealing many futuristic contraptions. Jonny begins to move.]

Jonny: "Wow, Plank! The floor is moving!"

Edd: "That's modernization, Jonny. Everyday tasks such as walking will be a thing of the past–in the future! Why, even the instinctive exertion of eating becomes effortless, my friend."

[A plunger swoops down and grabs Jonny, holding him up to a box. On the box are written "Food", "Wash", "Sleep", "Hair", and "Floss". Beside each option is a button.]

Edd: "All with the mere push of a button." [muttering] "Let's see, hygiene, wash, press, launder" [normally] "Ah! Here we go!"

[Edd presses the button. In the box, a sign pops up, reading "Food."]

Ed: "Food!"

[Two slots fly open, and a canful of beans hits Jonny in the face.]

Ed: "You're welcome!"

Edd: "Not a problem! The future knows no stain." [He presses the wash button.]

[Jonny is seated on a pillow. A diving helmet with a hose attached is plopped down on his head.]

Edd: "Lounge, as futuristic ingenuity removes any evidence of unmanageable edibles."

[The helmet fills with water and soap flakes. The hose then detaches, and a spoon stirs the water. Edd comes over and twists a tap, and the soapy water drains from the helmet. The helmet is then pulled off, and Jonny is left cleaned, albeit with a sudden Afro.]

Jonny: "Right on!" [The sidewalk moves again.]

[Eddy is on the driveway, jingling his change. He looks in at the coins.]

Eddy: "I'm a sap for ya. You know that, don'tcha?" [Someone taps his shoulder.] "Yeah yeah, the line starts over there." [The finger taps again.] "Hey! How 'bout I stick my foot right–"

[Behind him is Nazz. Eddy is taken aback–not by her beauty, but by the jawbreaker in her cheek.]

Eddy: "Hello!"

Nazz: "What's with the styling clothes, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Where'd you get that jawbreaker, Nazz?" [brought down] "Bazooka-chin Kevin, right?"

Nazz: "No way. It's customer appreciation day at the candy store, and they're giving away jawbreakers for free!"

Eddy: "FREE? YEEHA!" [He leaps into the air with excitement.]

Nazz: "But you better hurry. The store closes in ten minutes."

[Eddy leaps out of his costume and runs into his scam.]

[Jonny has televisions strapped to his feet.]

Jonny: "TV shoes?"

Edd: "For viewing on the go? Well, I didn't say the future was practical."

Eddy: [bursting in] "Forget this!"

Ed: "Yes, I will."

Eddy: "Jawbreakers! Free!" [He grabs a clock.] "Only ten minutes left!" [The clock ticks over a minute.]

Ed and Jonny: "Free jawbreakers?"

Edd: "Ten minutes left?"

[The Eds burst out of the scam.]

Eddy: "Hurry up, before they're all–" [He runs into a cardboard stop sign so hard that his eyes pop out of his head. Sarah is revealed to be holding it.]

Ed: "Sarah?"

Edd: "Sarah?"

Sarah: "Mom says–"

Jonny: [appears holding Plank, his body in a twist due to the position and weight of his TV shoes] "Pull, Plank, pull!" [He uses Plank to drag himself forward along with his TV shoes.]

Sarah: [continuing where she left off] "Mom says you've gotta clean up that mess or you're in big trouble!"

Ed: "But Sarah, if we don't get to the candy store, we don't get jawbreakers!"

Sarah: "Clean it up! Or I'm telling mom." [She struts away.]

Eddy: "No time! The store's closing in–" [He looks at his watch.] "I gotta get me a jawbreaker!"

Edd: "Oh, sure! Why help clean up, Eddy? After all, we don't want free jawbreakers, do we, Ed?"

Ed: "Help me, Double D!"

Edd: "The gall of that Eddy." [He pulls a string on his hat, folding up his costume.] "Leaving us stranded. Coming, Ed!"

[Ed pulls the driveway out from under the scam and pulls it over the scam, leaving a huge lump.]

Edd: "Oh my."

Ed: "Jawbreaker, Double D!"

Edd: "Hardly noticeable, Ed." [He rejoins the hunt.]

[Nat shows up, carrying a bag behind her]

Nat: "Hey guys look-"

Ed: [running past her] "Not now Nat!"

Nat: "Guys wait!" [she runs after them]

[Eddy is running down the sidewalk.]

Eddy: "Come on! My nose runs faster!"

[Edd grumpily quickens his pace.]

Kevin: "Hey, watch it!"

[The screech of tires is heard.]

Edd: "Eddy, look out!"

[Kevin runs into Eddy, going straight down the latter's throat.]

Edd: [quietly] "Gracious."

Kevin: "No, really. I'm poundin' you, dork."

Edd: "Serves you right, Eddy. I think you owe Ed and I an apology, leaving us with that mess to clean up."

[Ed pulls Kevin out.]

Eddy: "No time! Candy store!" [He runs.]

Kevin: "Hey, I ain't done with ya!"

Ed: "Jawbreaker, Double D!" [He hurls Kevin away and runs after Eddy.]

Edd: "Wait! Curse promotional giveaways."

Nat: "Guys!" [she sighs and continues to follow]

[The Eds and turn into a lane. Nat struggles to keep up. Edd pulls out a calculator and looks at the time. He then measures Ed's legspan and Eddy's angle of running. He punches the numbers in and comes up with a fearsome answer.]

Edd: "Oh, my. Hightail it, gentlemen! At this rate we'll never make it there in time!"

[The Eds pour on the speed. Ed and Eddy instantly plow forward, but Edd falls back.]

Edd: "Oh, who am I kidding?"

[Edd looks around the lane and begins to pick up various items.]

[Ed and Eddy are still running flat out. The lane dead-ends, and Eddy shoves Ed in front of him. Ed breaks the fence, clearing the way for him and Eddy.]

Ed: "Gentle as a kitten in a tree. Eddy, LOOK!" [Ahead is a steamroller.]

[Eddy uses Ed to pole vault over but lands through the roof. Ed grabs him and pulls him down through the front. On the way, Eddy grabs the starter, and the steamroller moves forward. Eddy then runs into a dangling crane hook. The hook catches him and throws him into Ed, and they land in the path of the steamroller.]

Eddy: "Mommy!"

Ed: "I got it, Eddy!"

[They get run over and flattened but quickly resume their sprint. Eddy checks his crushed watch and sees that time is running out. He and Ed pop up and rush again. Suddenly, a vehicle piloted by Edd hits them from behind, and they land on it.]

Eddy: "Where'd this wagon come from, hotshot?"

Edd: "Necessity, Eddy. Fabricated from everyday suburban litter in order to increase our velocity within our ever-shrinking window of opportunity."

Eddy: "Yawn. Just kick this thing into high gear and let–" [He stops suddenly. Both he and Ed look scared. Edd looks forward and sees the Kankers.]

Edd: "Ah-ah-Ed? Eddy? BLOCKADE!"

Lee: "Hey look, it's our husbands."

Marie: "Just in time to play 'house'!"

Eddy: [camera zoomed in on his face] "KANKERS!"

Ed: [camera zoomed in on his face] "EXTREME CLOSE-UP!"

Edd: "Retreat!"

[The wagon skids and slams into a giant pile of dirt.]

Lee: "Mom was wrong. Men do amount to a pile of dirt!"

[The Eds burst out, running full speed.]

Eddy: "Free!"

Ed: "Jawbreaker!"

Edd: "Pardon us, ladies!" [He runs the numbers.] "Time is not on our side, gentlemen! AAAH!"

[May leaps on him, capturing him.]

Edd: "Ed! Eddy! Help me!"

[Edd is struggling to free himself.]

Edd: "No wait! Please! You don't understand!"

Lee: "You missed two of 'em, May!"

Marie: "Yeah, but at least she got the cute one!"

Ed: "DOUBLE D! EDDY!"

Eddy: "No time, Ed. Jawbreakers!"

Edd: "HELP ME!"

[Ed runs in circles, unable to decide, as Edd gets picked on by the Kankers. Nat catches up and throws the bag at the Kankers, knocking them out.]

Nat: "Double D are you ok?"

Edd: "Yes thank you Nat."

[Nat picks up her bag]

Nat: "Now what I've been try-"

[Nat is interrupted when Ed grabs both her and Edd and takes off]

[Jimmy is working on a garden placed on a shelf above the ground. He waters his flowers and sniffs them happily.]

[Eddy runs down the sidewalk at a furious pace.]

Eddy: "Shortcut! There's gotta be a shortcut!"

[Jimmy continues to work on his garden. A rope holding the garden up is coming loose]

[Eddy sees Jimmy's yard.]

Eddy: "Bingo!"

[Just as he runs by Jimmy, the knotted rope comes undone.]

Jimmy: "My garden in the sky!"

[The plants fall. Eddy covers his head. When he looks up, however, he is in the middle of a circle of destruction, untouched.]

Eddy: "Missed me!" [A piano lands on him.]

Kevin: "That's for gobbing all over my bike, dork!"

[Kevin walks away. The lid of the piano pops up, revealing that Eddy is stuck in the strings.]

Ed: "Coochie coochie coo!"

[Ed comes by]

Eddy: "Double D! Get me outta here, willya?"

Edd: "Well it seems the shoe is on the other foot, huh, Eddy?" [Ed checks a watch stuck on the bottom of his shoe fearfully.] "Your selfishness and greed are really getting on my–"

[Edd looks down to see his shadow ticking away the seconds. Looking at the sky, he sees the sun going down.]

Edd: "Time's running out!"

Nat: "If you would just lis-"

[The Eds are going down the lane again. Nat sighs in annoyance and follows behind]

Eddy: "You snooze you lose, Double D!"

Edd: "WE'VE ONLY GOT FIFTY SECONDS LEFT!" [He clutches his side in pain.] "STITCH! I'VE GOT A STITCH!"

Eddy: [pointing downhill] "There it is! I see it! C'mon, hurry up!"

Edd: "Sore! I can't go on!" [Ed grabs Edd and drags him.]

Ed: "Jawbreaker, Double D!"

Eddy: "We're almost there! I'm droolin', I tell ya! Come to poppa, my babies!"

[Suddenly a cloudbank rolls in and lightning flashes.]

Eddy: "You gotta be kidding me!"

[A driving wind blows right in the faces of the Eds. The wind is strong enough to knock Eddy back. Only Ed can withstand the grind.]

Edd: "It was never meant to be! Fate has conspired against us!"

Eddy: "Jawbreakers?!"

[Ed stands tall and strong. He whips his friends out like a towel and wraps them against a lamppost. He then pulls himself up the chain.]

Eddy: "Quick thinking, Lumpy!"

Edd: "You see, Eddy? Any obstacle can be overcome when we work together as a team!"

[Ed pulls them across the street. Suddenly, a yard from the sidewalk, a parade of chickens comes.]

Eddy: "Now what?"

Edd: [disbelieving] "It's a chicken drive?"

Rolf: "Yah, fowls, hiyah! Come along, Leghorn! Hiyah!"

Ed: "Ch-ch ch-ch chickens!"

Eddy: "Don't look at 'em, Ed!"

Edd: "Ed, what are you doing? Wait!"

[Ed dives into the chicken drive.]

Edd and Eddy: "No, Ed!"

[Eddy heaves himself out of the parade. Edd is not so lucky, as he is being trampled by the birds.]

Edd: "Eddy! Help me! I'm submerged in a preponderance of poultry!"

[Eddy turns to the candy store and then back to his friend.]

Edd: "Eddy?"

[Eddy is caught in a storm of indecision almost as fierce as the storm battling against them.]

Edd: "Help me!"

Eddy: [despairing] "Free jawbreaker, Double D!"

[Nat catches up. She throws the bag on the sidewalk and jumps in to rescue Ed and Edd.]

[Eddy leaps for the door. In the middle of his jump, the sign flips to closed, and the door locks. The lights in the store go off. Abruptly, the storm pulls back and the chicken drive ends. The sun comes out again. Nat manages to carry Ed and Edd to the sidewalk. Edd coughs, and Ed opens up his jacket to reveal that he had stashed in a few chickens.]

Edd: "Thank you, Nat and Ed. You're true friends. Unlike others, whose sole purpose is seeking self-gratification!"

[Eddy stares into the store, haunted.]

Eddy: "Hey! One of 'em's moving! And it's covered with fuzz!" [A familiar brown head pops out of the jawbreaker display.] "It's Jonny!" [Eddy bangs on the door.] "Jonny! Let me in! Open the door!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Plank says to blow it out your nose, Eddy!"

Ed: [laughing] "Good one, huh, Double D? That Plank cracks me up."

Edd: "There's a moral in this. Somewhere."

Ed: "Yep! Two chickens are better than one."

[Nat goes to pick up her bag]

Ed: "What's in the bag Nat?"

Edd: "Yes as I recall you have been carrying it the whole time we were running."

Nat: [slightly annoyed] "Well if you two would have stopped to listen I was going to tell you that I went to the store earlier and picked up jawbreakers for us."

[Edd and Ed stare in shock.]

Nat: [taking out a jawbreaker] "Here."

Ed: "Jawbreaker!" [He takes it and puts it in his mouth]

[Nat takes out another one and hands it to Edd. She takes out the last one for herself.]

Nat: [to Edd] "The bag wasn't big enough for one more. Should I tell Eddy?"

[Edd looks at Eddy who is still banging on the door then back at Nat.]

Edd: "What Eddy doesn't know will not hurt him."

[Nat shrugs and walks off with Edd and Ed.]

Eddy: [banging on the door] "JONNY!"


	77. Once Bitten, Twice Ed

[Ed is playing with a model rocket, balancing it on his stomach.]

Ed: "All pistons are ready for a go! Astronauts are prepared and–uh oh." [He pushes the ship into his belly.] "The ship is being devoured by a mutant fat belly! Quick! Turn on your perpetual micron-orbital rocket! RUN AWAY!"

[He lets go of the ship, and it shoots off, flying all over the room. It hits Ed and flies out the window.]

Ed: "Whoops."

Strange Voice: "Hey, you."

[Ed looks everywhere, eventually turning to a table.]

Ed: "Me?"

Strange Voice: "Yeah, you. Approach me, mortal, for I am the great Baron O'Beefdip."

[Ed cowers. We see that a walkie-talkie is taped to the back of a toy monster.]

Ed: [confused, approaching the table] "Baron O'Beefdip?"

Baron O'Beefdip: "Do not perplex me. Obey my commands!"

Ed: "Commands?"

Baron O'Beefdip: "Is there an echo in here? Quick, bend over!" [Ed does as commanded and hits his head on the table.] "Pull up your feet!" [Ed pulls his feet up, falls and lands on his butt.] "Now, eat your mattress."

Ed: "Yum!"

[Ed rushes over to eat it. Edd knocks on the door and enters with Nat, Ed's rocket stuck in his ear.]

Edd: "Excuse me, Ed, but is this your–GOOD LORD MAN!"

Ed: [finishing his bed] "That hit the spot."

[Nat makes a shocked face]

Edd: "Ed, what have I told you about the needless taxing of one's digestive system?"

Ed: "I must obey my master, Baron O'Beefdip."

Edd: [seeing the walkie-talkie on the back] "Guh-roan. Dear Ed, someone seems to be pulling your–"

Baron O'Beefdip: "Don't let him touch me!" [Edd pulls his hand back.] "Obey me, mortal! Wolf down the nonbeliever!" [Ed lowers the toy and looks at Edd.]

Ed: "I shall obey."

[Nat stands in front of Edd]

Nat: "Ed please don't."

Edd: [backing away] "Um, Ed, don't you look at me like that!"

Ed: "Must eat nonbeliever!"

[Edd backs into a closet. He flings the door open to reveal Eddy, acting as the puppetmaster.]

Nat: "Eddy?"

Edd: "I knew it! You make him stop! Make him stop!"

Eddy: [into the other walkie-talkie] "Take five, mortal."

Ed: [stopping] "Gotcha, Baron guy."

Eddy: [laughing] "Hook, line, and sucker."

Edd: "Ha ha ha. And what's this prove, Eddy?"

Eddy: "That you can dupe anyone at anytime with the right bait. Put that on a T-shirt and sell it."

Edd: "Oh, please."

Eddy: [into the transmitter] "Hey, get me a sandwich, I'm starved."

Ed: "I shall obey, master!" [Ed runs out to do Eddy's bidding, though slams himself onto the opposite side of his door. Eddy cackles hysterically.]

Edd: "Your hypothesis is flawed, Eddy." [Eddy stops laughing as a dazed Ed heads upstairs backwards.] "This is Ed we're talking about."

Eddy: [let down] "Gee, y'know Double D, you're right." [He removes the walkie-talkie from Baron O'Beefdip's back.] "And when you're right, you're not wrong. Pity my measly soul, for lost in the stench of Loserville I am." [He looks at Edd, smiling a hidden grin.]

Nat: "Don't be sad Eddy."

Edd: "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Eddy. Shall we–"

Eddy: "Try it out before you open your big fat mouth?"

[Ed clamps a gigantic, disgusting sandwich around his toy monster.]

Ed: "Baron O'Beefdip is pleased now!"

Jimmy: "I gotcha, you little scamp!"

[Jimmy is trying to catch a butterfly while riding his tricycle. Each time, the butterfly turns around and floats out of his reach. Jimmy has to turn around several times, but never catches it. A mailbox suddenly speaks.]

Mailbox: "Hey, you!"

Jimmy: "Me?"

Mailbox: "Yeah you!"

Jimmy: "You?" [He points at the mailbox.]

Mailbox: "My name's Marty Mailbox."

[Jimmy rubs his eyes disbelievingly.]

Marty Mailbox: "I got some inside info on the hootenaniest, most countrified barn-blast in town."

Jimmy: "I don't know what that means!"

Marty Mailbox: "Just bring your friends down to the woods!" [Jimmy looks around.] "Move it or lose it!"

Jimmy: [running off] "Okay, Mr. Mailbox!"

[Sarah is drawing a picture in her room. Jimmy rushes in.]

Jimmy: "Hurry, Sarah! Come quick!" [He drags Sarah away.]

[Kevin is showing off his muscles to Nazz.]

Kevin: "Not too shabby, huh Nazz?"

Nazz: [unimpressed] "If you say so."

Jimmy: [rushing past] "Marty Mailbox told me it was in the woods!"

Sarah: "I bet."

Nazz: "What's with Jimmy?"

Jimmy: [leading the kids through the woods] "A gosh-darn mailbox, Sarah! It just rattled on!"

Sarah: "Ew, look!" [She points to something hanging from a tree.] "Is that a possum?"

Jimmy: "You believe me, don't you? It talked, it did! Honest!"

Nazz: "Get real, Jimmy. A mailbox told you to come here?" [The kids have wandered into an obvious scam.]

Jonny: "Holy cow, Plank! Look at the size of the raccoon!"

[There is a giant placard with a raccoon painted on it and a sign reading "Raccoon Round-Up."]

Kevin: "Looks like a bloated squirrel."

Jimmy: "Raccoons are so cute. They wear little masks. Like robbers!"

Edd: "Howdy!"

Nat: "Welcome to Raccoon Round-Up!"

Eddy: [as a hick] "And for a cotton-pickin quarter, all you cotton-pickin city folk can cotton-pickin catch yer very own raccoon!"

Jonny: "To keep?"

Rolf: "Ed-boy! Rolf will pick the cotton and accept this challenge!" [Eddy grabs the proffered quarter.]

Edd: "Um, shall we mosey on over, neighbor?"

[Edd shows Rolf the setup, which is basically a mounted slingshot.]

Edd: "In order to bag this nocturnal verminous mammal, you have three chances at slaying the critter, with these marshmallows!"

[Nat pulls up a bag full of marshmallows.]

Rolf: "Marsh mallows?"

Jimmy, Jonny, Sarah, & Nazz: "Marshmallows!"

Eddy: "Not the marshmallows!"

Nat: "It's ok Eddy."

Edd: "Not to worry! They're past their expiry date."

Rolf: "Rolf wishes to use his lucky Great Nano kidney stone keychain."

Nazz: "What did he say that was?"

Eddy: "Thattaboy, Rolf! Keep your eye on that bush, because raccoons are quick." [He triggers the game.]

Ed: "Whoa!"

Rolf: "Rolf sees it!" [Ed the raccoon runs to another fake bush. After a few seconds, he goes behind another one. He then comes to stand right in front of a bush.] "Goodbye, Pinocchio."

Jonny: "STOP!" [He runs and stands in front of Ed.] "Don't even think about hurting this poor defenseless creature!"

Eddy: "Hey, get outta the way!" [He tries to pull Jonny off Ed.]

Jonny: "No!"

Eddy: "Get off!"

Jonny: "No!"

Eddy: "Let go!"

Jonny: "No!"

Nazz: "Jonny's right! Where do you get off?"

Sarah: "What a couple of clucks."

Jimmy: "Oh look, Sarah! I think it likes me!" [to Ed] "Would you like a bite of my baguette?"

Sarah: "For Pete's sake, Jimmy, wake up!" [She grabs Ed.] "It's just my stupid brother!"

Ed: [as the kids leave] "Come again!"

Eddy: "Wait! Don't go!" [The kids continue to leave.] "He had me fooled too! Honest!" [Nazz leaves.] "At least he stank like a filthy vermin!" [Kevin walks out.]

Kevin: "Real smooth, Farmer Dork. E-I-E-I-O."

[Rolf comes along and takes his quarter out of Eddy's pocket.]

Rolf: "Neer-do-well!"

[Eddy lies on the ground, annoyed by his defeat.]

Edd: [hauling Eddy upright] "You know what they say, Eddy. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time."

Eddy: "That was Triple-A, Double D! A five-star scam."

Edd: "Let's chalk this down to experience, Eddy. No more raccoons, agreed?"

Eddy: "That's it! It was the stupid raccoon. I was right, as usual. We'll just tweak the scam a little, they won't know what hit 'em!"

Edd: [excited] "This should prove monotonous!"

[Jonny is next to a steaming can of garbage. He is looking at the sky. Plank comes down and lands.]

Tree: "Hey, you!"

Jonny: "Me?"

Tree: "Yeah, you!"

Jonny: [to the tree] "You?"

Tree: "My name's Teddy Treebark. Tired of being the neighborhood poltroon? Wanna save the world and be a hero for the first time in your stinkin life?"

Jonny: "You betcha!"

Teddy Treebark: "Just bring your friends down to the woods. What're you waiting for?"

Jonny: "I'm on it, Teddy!"

[Jonny is racing pell-mell through the woods.]

Jonny: "Teddy said it was this way, everybody!" [Jonny looks at the modified possum.] "Oh look Plank, a mutant!"

Kevin: "Get real, Jonny. We've been here before. I think." [All the standees have been modified with some extra limbs, or an extra eye, or something that makes them look mutated.]

Jonny: "Holy cow, Plank, look at the size of that alien!"

[The placard has been changed as well; the raccoon is still easily visible and can be reconstructed with a little imagination. The sign now reads "Mutant Land."]

Sarah: "Is that a raccoon?"

Kevin: "Pathetic."

Jimmy: "Aliens are icky, Sarah! They ooze slime, don't they?"

Edd: [in a hazmat suit] "Greetings."

Nat: "Welcome to Mutant Land."

Eddy: [also in yellow rubber] "And, for an interstellar quarter, all you brave interstellar toxic soldiers can catch your very own brain-sucking mutant!"

Jonny: "Where's Teddy Treebark?"

Eddy: "Uh..." [He zips over to Rolf.] "How 'bout it, Toxic Rolf? You like challenges."

Rolf: [angry] "Lucky for you, Rolf cannot deny a challenge! One more try." [Eddy takes the quarter.]

Edd: "I believe you're familiar with our facility."

[Edd and Rolf are at the shooting stand.]

Edd: "In order to capture said mutant, you have three attempts with these anti-matter marshmallows."

[The kids look on, bored, now knowing they've seen this one before.]

Kevin: "Forget the marshmallows, Rolf. Use my dad's lucky ball-peen, man." [He gives Rolf a hammer.]

[Rolf triggers the game and Ed hops out. Ed stops much earlier.]

Rolf: "Rolf sees it! Say bye-bye, scourge from the beyond."

Jonny: "Don't even think about it!" [He rips the hammer away.] "Mutants have feelings too, you know!"

Eddy: [bitter] "What, again?"

Sarah: "This is the same as the last one! Let's go, Jimmy." [The kids walk away.]

Eddy: [running after them] "Wait, don't go! There's a twist. Check it–" [Rolf's foot meets Eddy's behind, and Eddy shoots up into the air. Rolf's quarter falls out of the scammer's pocket, and Rolf takes it back.] "wwwwwwwwaaaaAAAAAAAOOOOOOO–" [Eddy hits the ground.]

Ed: "I come in–" [He trips over the shooting table and lands on Eddy.] "–peace, Earth-dwellers!"

Eddy: [heaving the mutant off and despairing] "We were so close!"

Edd: "They won't know what hit 'em. Weren't those your words, Eddy?"

Eddy: [confident] "Good memory, elephant brain. 'Cause this time they really won't! Let's tweak it some more!"

Edd: "Oh, he's so stubborn!"

Nat: "Don't I know."

Rock: "Hey you!" [Nazz lowers her magazine.] "Yeah, you!" [Nazz walks over to the rock.]

[Nazz, Sarah, Jimmy and Jonny are walking through the woods. They see the possum, now as a hunk of meat, and all but Jonny turn back.]

Eddy: [voiceover] "Come on down to get your very own hunk of meat at Meat Mania!"

Sarah: "Oh brother."

Kevin: "Dorks."

Nazz: "This is stupid."

[Jonny comes to the placard. Now, the sign reads "Meat Mania" and the entrance is covered with pictures of various cuts of meat. Sickened, he and Plank look at each other.]

Barrel: "Hey, you!" [Rolf looks on questioningly.] "You heard me right!"

[Jonny and Rolf are walking through the woods again. This time, the possum is a gigantic fly.]

Eddy: [voiceover] "Be the first one on your block to own your very own pest, at Cockroach Country!"

[Jonny turns around when he sees the fly. Rolf makes it to the placard, which now has pictures of the repulsive arthropods all over it, before he turns around again.]

[Eddy kicks open the doors of Jogging Pants World.]

Eddy: "Welcome to–"

[Eddy stops. Nobody even showed up to this scam. Meanwhile, the sun is sinking low in the sky.]

[Sarah is getting a bowl from the cabinet.]

Chunky Puff Box: "Hey, you!" [Sarah looks behind her.] "Yeah, you!" [Sarah turns the box around to reveal Eddy's walkie-talkie.] "Ever wandered the amazing world of freezer burn?"

[Sarah is tromping through the woods angrily, walkie-talkie in hand. The scam is something called "Fridge Land."]

Eddy: [costumed as a bottle of milk] "Welcome to Fridge Land!"

[Sarah throws the walkie-talkie in his face, knocking Eddy out of the costume. Inside, Ed is sleeping in his cheese costume, and Edd and Nat are looking bored in a broccoli and strawberry costume.]

Eddy: "Fine! Run away! It's your loss, 'cause this scam is gold. A-Number 1, baby! Or at least it will be, after we tweak it some more."

Ed: "Oh, come on, Eddy! I really need to go to the bathroom!"

[It is now nighttime. Wilfred is staring at a pumpkin placed on a stump.]

Pumpkin: "Hey, you! Missed out on how to scrub a bowl?"

[The scene changes, showing first the path and then the scam. Comically, the possum has been replaced with a toilet seat.]

Voiceover: "Then flush on down to Bathroom World!"

[A flush sound is heard.]

Ed: "Ready for tweaking, Eddy!"

End of Season 3


	78. An Ed in the Bush

[Jonny and Jimmy are at attention in their Urban Ranger uniforms. Rolf looks them over.]

Rolf: "Urban Rangers, before our journey begins, prepare for inspection."

[Rolf marches in front of them, ready to begin. The scene then switches to inside Eddy's house, where Eddy is chasing Ed and destroying the place. Edd times them with a stopwatch. Nat watches.]

Eddy: "No use, Ed."

Edd: "Time marches on, Eddy."

[Outside, Rolf looks Jimmy over carefully. Inside, Eddy leaps at Ed.]

Eddy: "You're toast, Ed!" [Ed sidesteps, and Eddy slams into a picture on the wall. He gets up, and the chase continues.]

[Jimmy is nervous under Rolf's gaze. Inside, Eddy has managed to capture Ed.]

Eddy: "Get down, ya lump! Gotcha!"

[Outside, Rolf moves on to Jonny. He drags a finger across Jonny's bald head. Inside, Ed is spinning Eddy above his head by his hairs. When Rolf brings his finger up to the light, there is dirt smeared across the glove.]

Rolf: "You have besmirched the code of the Urban Ranger! Why, if Rolf had a loaf of bread he'd–"

[Ed crashes through the garage door, Eddy on his back.]

Eddy: "Yee-haw! Go, baby, go! Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Whoa!"

Ed: "I'm a bucking buckaroo! Alley-oop!" [He throws Eddy off, into a door.] "Toot toot! I win!"

[A hose lasso falls over his hands. Eddy drags Ed in and ties him like a calf.]

Eddy: "Sucker. Time!"

Edd: [stopping the clock] "Five minutes and fifty-nine seconds! A new record! And with minimal damage!"

Nat: "Great job!"

[Rolf claps sarcastically.]

Rolf: "Very impressive, Ed-boy. It is a shame you fail with such disgrace at your pitiful attempt to cloak your sorry and feeble effort at becoming an Urban Ranger."

Jonny: "Loser!"

Rolf: [angry] "Ranger Jonny! Why have you chosen this day to rupture Rolf's pumpernickel!"

Eddy: [as the Rangers leave] "Like I ever wanted to join! What sheep. I hate those Urban Rangers."

Edd: "As I remember it, Eddy, you liked their uniforms and wanted to join."

Eddy: "Yeah right. You remember wrong, Double D." [He pulls Ed up and spins the hose off.]

Ed: [dizzy] "It's a long ball, coach!"

Eddy: "Go back to sleep, Ed." [Eddy rummages in Ed's pocket and pulls out a rotten tomato.]

Rolf: "Rangers! The forest beckons! March!" [Jonny beats out a march, and the Rangers begin to move.]

Edd: "What will throwing an over-ripened tomato prove?!? Eddy?" [Eddy throws it.] "I'm not done reasoning with you!"

Nat: "Oh no."

[Jonny sees the tomato coming and spins his drum. The drum catches it and sends it flying back towards the Eds and Nat.]

Eddy: "Man, if that ain't a fluke, I don't know what is." [The tomato hits Edd. Nat hands him a napkin.] "Looking for trouble, Urban Nerdos?!?!?"

Rolf: "Do not let the commoner spoil our merrymaking, Urban Rangers."

Jimmy: "I love it when we let loose!"

[The Rangers head into the woods. Eddy watches them go and makes a note of it.]

Eddy: "They're going into the woods! You never know what scary things lurk in the woods. Huh boys and girl?"

Edd: "Oh don't tell me. You have a plan, right?" [Eddy pulls Edd, Nat and Ed with him.]

Nat: "Of course."

Ed: "End of first sequence and fade to black."

[Rolf places another brick in a wall. He is high up, building a chimney. On the forest floor, Jonny and Jimmy are moving a recliner.]

Jonny: "This'll look great here!"

Jimmy: "Boring! Let's put it here."

Jonny: "No! I like it here, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "It's much better here, Jonny."

Jonny: "That's silly! Over here!"

Jimmy: "Excuse me, but I don't see a Rec Room Decor Badge on your vest."

Jonny: "You're just jealous of my natural sense of hanging out!"

Jimmy: "Don't make me laugh." [He leans on the recliner, and the base shoots out, hitting Jonny.]

Rolf: "Urban Rangers!" [He climbs down.] "Why must you behave like hens having difficulty laying an egg? Our merrymaking is a time of celebration! You must try to be more like Ranger Plank, who puts the needs of the troop–" [Plank rides by on a vacuum] "–above stuffed furniture!" [turning away] "Can Rolf trust his rangers to start a campfire?" [when Jimmy and Jonny don't move] "Well?!?"

[They rush to the chimney. Jonny plugs in some logs, while Jimmy pushes a switch on the side. Mechanical flames begin moving up and down.]

Jimmy: "All done, sir." [He and Jonny shake hands nervously.]

Rolf: "Very good, Urban–" [The vacuum cleaner hits him and carries him away.]

Jonny: "That's the spirit, Plank!"

[Itfollows the fire's extension cords back, and back, and back, until we come to Eddy, following them to the Urban Rangers' campsite.]

Eddy: "Quit drying out your pits, Ed, move it. You too, Turtleneck and Sockhead!"

Nat: "Right behind you!"

Edd: [with an overstuffed backpack] "Coming, Eddy! Just a few provisions for our stay with nature!"

[Edd stops to smile at Eddy, and that's where his back gives out. His pack collapses on top of him. Nat pulls him up. They both struggle to pull the pack.]

Edd and Nat: "A little help would be appreciated!"

[Ed grabs the pack and drags it along. Edd and Nat, underneath the pack, are crushed from one side and dragged across the ground on the other side. The pack comes to two trees, and the space is too small for it to fit through. Edd and Nat are pulled out from underneath and slams into Ed, who in turn hits Eddy. Ed gets up and continues walking, his friends stuck to him.]

Ed: "Home on the range, huh guys and girl?"

[The moon is high in the sky. The woods are dark, apart from one clearing. In the clearing are Jonny, Plank, Jimmy, and Rolf. Jonny and Plank are roasting marshmallows over the fire.]

Jonny: "There's something magical about flames that just makes you want to stare at em all night, huh, Plank?"

Jimmy: [clipping his toenails] "Oops! I think I let Louie out of jail!" [He and Jonny laugh. Rolf enters.]

Rolf: [carrying water jugs] "Urban Rangers! Rolf has returned victorious! Fresh water for all!" [He heaves the jugs off his back.] "Are we having fun yet? Ranger Jonny, award Rolf the Get Me Water I'm Thirsty badge."

Jonny: "Here you go, Rolf." [He hands it over, and gets a badge in return.]

Rolf: "And here's your Bringing My Badge badge."

[Jimmy, seeing he missed a chance to earn a badge, mopes on the sofa.]

Rolf: [sitting down] "Do not pout, Ranger Jimmy.For tonight, you shall have an opportunity to earn the–" [creepily] "–Ghost Story badge."

Jonny: [excited] "Right on!"

Jimmy: [frightened] "Jeepers Creepers."

[The Eds and Nat are hiding in a bush by the Rangers' campsite.]

Eddy: "This is too easy." [He giggles.]

Ed: "I think there's a bug in my ear, Double D." [He slaps the side of his head, and a TV falls out of his ear.]

Edd: "This would be so much more bearable if I had my provisions!" [He looks at Eddy darkly.]

Eddy: [putting a hand to his ear] "What's that?" [after a beat] "I think it's the sound of no one caring!" [He returns Edd's look.]

Nat: "I care!"

Edd: "Thank you Nat."

Eddy: "Move it out!"

[Ed follows him, neighing like a horse.]

Jonny: "'Aah! Don't come any closer!' But it just kept coming, with its one big eye, its footsteps grew louder with every step! Squish, squash, squish, squash! 'I want to eat your belly button!'"

Jimmy: [hiding under a blanket] "Aah! Don't eat me!"

Rolf: "Ho ho ho! Rolf may need a diaper, as his toes curl with fright! Please continue."

[A somewhat ghostly howling is heard.]

Jimmy: [clutching Plank] "What was that?"

Rolf: "It comes from the trees!"

[Horrified screams join the commotion. Rolf looks around, searching for the source. Jimmy claps his hands over his ears.]

Jimmy: "It's so grotesque!"

[Suddenly, the howling stops. Two hands reach out from a bush and grope for where two extension cords connect. They find the ends and pull them apart. The fire dies, and the campsite goes dark.]

Jimmy: [fearing] "Holy mackerel."

[In the darkness, Jonny and Jimmy scream. Rolf finds an oil lamp and lights it up. Rolf looks around the campsite, which is now trashed completely. Jonny comes out from under the recliner.]

Jonny: [excited] "That scared me out of my pants! Good one, Rolf, you really had us going!"

Rolf: "This was not Rolf, Ranger Jonny."

Jimmy: "Help help, it's got me! Somebody save me!" [Jimmy is hanging by his retainer from a tree branch.]

Jonny: "How'd he get up there?"

[Rolf sniffs the air. His eyes narrow in suspicion. Rolf flips a coin into the bushes.]

Eddy: "Hey, check it out." [The bushes rustle as he catches it.]

Rolf: [angry] "Ranger Jonny, rescue Ranger Jimmy." [Jonny salutes and complies.] "Rolf has business to attend to."

[Rolf scrapes some mud off the ground.]

[Rolf applies the mud to his face like war paint.]

[Rolf hikes his pants up to his chest.]

[Rolf pulls a clump of hair from his nose, bringing on insanity.]

[Rolf rises up, silhouetted against the moon, and howls like a wolf.]

Rolf: "OOW-OOO-OWWW-OOOO-OOOWWWWW-OOOOOOOOO-OOOWWWWWW-OOOOOOOOOOO!"

[The Eds and Nat are in another clearing. Ed and Eddy are rolling about on the forest floor. Edd and Nat look nervous.]

Edd: "Boy, Eddy, I really feel bad about this."

Nat: "Can we please go now?"

Eddy: [chuckling] "Ed! Did you get a load of their faces when the fire went out?"

Ed: "Ooooh." [He laughs.]

Eddy: "I even made a quarter!" [He and Ed laugh merrily.] "Oh, man. Okay, Double D, Nat let's get out of here."

[Eddy turns around to find that Edd is missing.]

Eddy: "Where's Double D?"

[Nat is too shocked to speak]

Edd: [fear in his voice] "Nat! Eddy! Ed!"

[Eddy, Nat and Ed look for the voice.]

Eddy: "Nice try, Double D."

Edd: "Stop oh please, no!"

Eddy: [frightened] "Okay, Double D. You c-can come out now."

Edd: "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Nat: "Double D!"

[Ed and Eddy cling to each other. A dark figure approaches on the edge of their vision. They turn another way, and the same figure leaps from a branch.]

Ed and Eddy: "AAAH!!"

Nat: "What was that?"

[They back to their right, and a figure runs past, right in front of them.]

Ed and Eddy: "WOAAAH!"

Ed: "It's the belly button eater! AAH!!" [He takes off.]

Nat: "Ed, wait!"

[Ed, running, hurdles a fallen log. He doesn't see a stretched rope, however, and that he trips over. A net descends upon him, and he gets up screaming, entangled in the net. A log tied to a branch swings from the sky and hits him, knocking him into a tiger pit. The screams of Ed and Edd commingle in the night.]

Ed and Edd: "Help! Nat! Eddy! Save me! Help! Make it stop! Help me!"

Nat: "Hold on guys!" [she runs to find them]

[Eddy, in the clearing, stands dead still, scared witless.]

Eddy: "Guys?" [He turns around and catches sight of the dark figure.] "AAAH!"

[Eddy runs away from it, continually looking back. When he does look forward, he spies it, lurking between two trees.]

Eddy: "Help me! BELLY BUTTON EATER!"

[Eddy turns around, burning a lot of rubber off the soles of his shoes. He runs through a clear path with trees bordering it. Eddy looks from side to side, hoping against hope for an escape. Suddenly, two hands reach down from the trees and grab him.]

Eddy: [helpless] "Have mercy."

[Nat runs looking for the Eds]

Nat: "Guys? Where are you?"

The Eds: "NAT! HELP US!"

[Nat runs until she finds the tiger pit.]

Nat: "I'm coming guys!" [she jumps down]

Edd: "Nat thank goodness your here!"

[Nat takes out her glow stick, presses the button and fires the grappling hook.]

Nat: "Hold on."

[The Eds hold onto Nat as she lifts them up, freeing them from the pit.]

Nat: "Are you guys ok?"

[The Eds are shaking, not uttering a word. Nat picks them up.]

Nat: "C'mon let's get out of here."

[Nat walks away carrying the Eds.]

[Sarah throws open the door to the basement.]

Sarah: "Ed! You're in trouble, mister!"

[Sarah receives no reply. She angrily stomps into the basement and throws Ed's door open.]

Sarah: "ED!"

[Sarah still gets no reply. She scans the room and heads for the closet. Sarah opens the door.]

Sarah: "Mom said to get out of the closet, Ed, it's been three days now."

The Eds: [cowering under a blanket] "BELLY BUTTON EATER!"

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Sarah: "What idiots." [She slides the door shut.]


	79. See No Ed

[Kevin is riding a skateboard down the lane. He rides up a ramp and flies straight up, to the astonishment of the gathered kids. Kevin picks up his board and scratches his back.]

Kevin: "Don't try this at home, kids."

Rolf: "This would be impossible, as Rolf would hit the ceiling." [Kevin comes back down.]

Nazz: "He makes it look so easy." [Kevin rides into an elastic band tied between two spikes in the lane.]

Rolf: "Kevin! Assist Rolf!" [He grabs onto Kevin as Kevin sails upwards again.] "Tell Rolf the secrets of this prostrate board." [He tries to climb onto it.]

Jonny: "Oh boy, Rolf's clueless!"

Kevin: "Don't sweat it, Rolf. What you don't know won't hurt ya."

[Kevin slams a helmet on Rolf, and Rolf falls into the ramp. Jonny catches the board.]

Jonny: "Nice one, Rolf!"

Kevin: "Decent, to say the least." [He pulls out his bike and rides down the ramp, skidding to a stop in the lane.]

Jonny: "Woohoo!"

Nazz: "Cool!"

Jonny: [jumping on the skateboard] "Let's boogie, Plank!"

Sarah: "Get in line, Jonny!" [She yanks the board away and Jonny falls into the base of the ramp.] "It's Jimmy's turn."

Jimmy: "You think I'll kick butt, Sarah?"

Kevin: [now chugging a soda] "Whatever you do, better do it fast, Fluffy, 'cause those Eds are probably on their way right now to wreck all our fun."

Jonny: "I wouldn't count on it. This morning me and Plank here were playing over at the playground and there was no Ed, Edd, Nat or Eddy around! Not at the creek, not at the junkyard, not at the sewer, not at the–"

Rolf: "Rolf was also perplexed by the lack of Ed-boy and buffoonery."

Kevin: "Hey Sarah, you seen your bro?"

Sarah: [belligerent] "No!"

Nazz: "I haven't see them either."

Jimmy: "I feel as fresh as a spring flower! Come on, people, it's a brand new day! No Ed, Edd, or Eddy! Hallelujah! Let's go to my house and party! The cookies and milk are on me." [He struggles to get down, forcing Sarah to kick the ramp to get him down.] "Sarah, I think I got an owie."

Sarah: "It's okay, Jimmy. You're used to it."

[The kids are in Jimmy's backyard, playing Pin The Tail on the Eddy.]

Jimmy: "Do it, Nazz!"

Sarah: "Higher! Higher!"

[Nazz pins it dead center.]

Sarah: "Bulls-eye!"

Jimmy: "Right where the sun don't shine."

Jonny: "Boy, these cookies sure are stale, huh Plank!"

[Rolf and Kevin are by the side of the house. Rolf is plucking the raisins from the cookies.]

Rolf: "What know-nothing would dimple the cookie biscuit with the doohickey of a rabbit?"

Kevin: "Those are raisins, dude."

Rolf: "Same thing!" [He drops some raisins into a bucket.]

Kevin: "You know they're up to something."

Rolf: "The doohickeys?"

Kevin: [paranoid] "No, man! The Eds."

Rolf: "Poppycock! There are no Ed-boys today, Kevin. A celebration, I say!"

Sarah: "I'm with you, brother."

Jonny: "I know how you feel, buddy. I wouldn't feed these cookies to a dog! Want a soda?" [He opens the cooler and looks inside.] "How the heck did that get in there?"

[Jonny prances around the backyard wearing a monkey mask he found in the cooler.]

Jonny: "I'm a monkey! Feed me a peanut feed me a peanut! Look at me!" [He leaps onto Sarah.] "You got a monkey on your head! Feed me a peanut!" [He leaps off.]

Sarah: [angry] "JONNY, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT!"

Jonny: "No peanut? Feed me a banana, 'cause I'm a monkey!" [Sarah leaps on him.]

Sarah: "I'll feed you a fist."

Kevin: "Hey, where'd you get that?" [He takes the mask.]

Jonny: "I found it in the drink cooler."

Kevin: "What's a mask doing in a cooler?"

Nazz: "That's too weird."

Sarah: "Big deal. That's just one of my stupid brother's drawings."

Jimmy: "People, please! You're giving me a migraine! Let's not forget the party. Cookie, anyone?" [He reaches into the cookie box and pulls out a glove with fuzz on the back.] "Monkey hand! Get it off! Monkeys smell their fingers!"

Rolf: [grabbing the glove] "Why has someone glued fluff to this rubber glove? Has the world come to an end?"

Kevin: "What'd I tell ya? Those dorks are up to no good. Come on, Rolf. Let's find Eddy."

Rolf: [following] "A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse."

Jonny: [confused] "O–kay. Hey guys, where ya goin?"

Sarah: "Wake up, willya? Kevin and Rolf are goin to look for Eddy, me, Nazz, and Jimmy are going to my house to find Ed."

Nazz: "Why don't you try and find Double D and Nat, Jonny?"

Jonny: "Okey-dokey Nazz! Ain't she sweet, Plank?"

[Rolf and Kevin look into Eddy's room. They see no sign of Eddy, only a record spinning on his turntable. The needle on the record is oscillating back and forth, indicating that the record has run its course and the time of Eddy's disappearance is indeterminable.]

Rolf: "No Ed-boys, Kevin!"

[Nazz, Sarah, and Jimmy scan Ed's room. Sarah walks by the TV, which is showing Fish Bowl 2. Nazz pulls out a cushion from the chair and heaves at what lies beneath. On the other side of the room, Jimmy moves a pair of underwear up the wall with a pencil. His face is green as he works at it. Sarah searches the bed and finds nothing at all. Nazz pulls a turkey out of the chair and drops it in a pile of other turkeys she found.]

[Plank looks through Edd's window. He looks back and forth and finds nothing of interest. He then looks through Nat's window with the same result.]

[Kevin stares at his watch. It is 3:11. It ticks over to 3:12. He and Rolf are standing in the street, waiting for the others to report back their findings.]

Kevin: "What's takin em?" [Rolf does not reply.] "I got a bad feeling in my gut about this, Rolf."

Rolf: "Shall Rolf rub Kevin's belly with the oils of fermented figs?"

Kevin: "What?" [Jonny appears.]

Jonny: "Hey Kevin!"

Kevin: "Any sign of those losers, Jonny?"

Jonny: "Nope." [pulling out a bottle cap] "But I found this bottle cap! Pretty cool, huh?"

Kevin: "Yeah, real nice." [Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz join them.]

Sarah: "They weren't in Ed's room!"

Nazz: "Gee, I hope they're okay."

Kevin: "Oh, please!"

Rolf: "Rolf is riddled with guilt over the missing Ed-boys and Nat-girl!"

Jimmy: "I have a confession! I've wished for this every birthday. Could it have come true?"

Kevin: "Gimme a break. This is all part of some stupid scam. They're around here somewhere."

[Kevin moves forward and looks down. There is a banana next to his foot.]

Kevin: "Whoa." [He picks it up.]

Nazz: "Is that a banana?"

Rolf: "A turnip for your thoughts, Kevin?"

Kevin: "First, a monkey mask, then, a monkey glove, and now..."

[The kids look down the lane. Bananas are scattered throughout it.]

Jonny: "Monkey food! See, what'd I tell ya?"

[The kids walk towards the lane.]

Jimmy: "I've never seen so much fruit in one place! Follow the yellow rind road!"

Sarah: "Wait up, Jimmy!"

Kevin: [paranoid] "Those Eds are watching our every move! Hello."

[Kevin is standing at the entrance to something called "Chimp Wurld." It appears to be a monkey-themed amusement park, complete with tire-swings, vine swings, and bananas everywhere.]

Nazz: [quizzical] "Chimp World?"

Kevin: "What'd I tell ya? Monkey see, monkey gets ripped off." [He enters the park.]

Jonny: "I'm a monkey, huh Plank?" [He goes in.]

Kevin: "Don't go in there, Jonny!"

Jonny: [in a tire swing] "Woohoo! Too much fun!"

Kevin: "Hang on, squirt!"

Rolf: [passing him, unworried] "He can be merry, Kevin, for today we are free of Ed-boys."

Jimmy: "Whee!" [The kids all enter the park, not heeding Kevin's warnings.]

Kevin: "Get real, guys! It's a scam?" [He kicks the ticket booth.] "Rolf?"

[Rolf does not back him up, having chosen instead to have fun with the park's toys and rides.]

Rolf: "Crybaby Jimmy, careful, as the mighty banana is like glue to the path of least resistance." [He steals Jimmy's banana.]

Jimmy: "Wanna wrestle, huh? Here I come!" [They wrestle in a treehouse filled with bananas.]

Kevin: [sounding more and more like a lunatic on a street corner] "Suckers! They'll be here any minute to take your cash!" [He slips on a banana peel.] "Man that's old." [paranoid] "Come on out, Eddy, so I can pound ya!"

Rolf: "There is no one here but us bananas, Kevin."

Kevin: [going insane] "I know you're here, dorks! Show yourselves!"

[Nazz, swinging on a vine, grabs him.]

Nazz: "Chill out, dude."

Kevin: [breaking free] "Let go of me." [to Jonny as he falls] "What're you looking at?" [He pulls out his bike.] "Ah ha!" [Kevin hits the forest floor before he can get on the bike.]

Jonny: "Hey Kevin, watch! Relax, go with the flow."

[He starts to swing on a rope, but the rope snaps in two, leaving him hanging to it.]

Jonny: "Aah! What happened?"

Kevin: [fears being realized] "Oh, here we go."

Jonny: "Help me somebody!" [He hangs upside down.]

Rolf: "Fear not, as Rolf will save your head!"

Jonny: "Jeepers!"

[Rolf swings forward on a rope. On the back-swing, he hits the tree. He falls to a wooden platform, and the door of the treehouse above him gives way. Bananas tumble out onto Rolf.]

Jonny: "Help me!"

Kevin: [paranoid] "The Eds are moving in."

Nazz: "Kevin, check out this slide!" [She jumps on it.]

Kevin: "Wait, Nazz, don't!"

[The slide compresses like a spring. It shreds through a bridge that Sarah and Jimmy are on, leaving them dangling over the forest floor.]

Jimmy: "Help, Sarah, help!"

Sarah: [clinging to Jimmy] "Jimmy!"

[The slide compresses completely and rebounds, sending Nazz skyward.]

Kevin: "Those dorks are out of control!"

Nazz: "Kevin, do something!" [Her pants are caught on a loose nail.] "This is not cool."

[Nazz slips out of her pants and falls. Kevin watches, starstruck.]

Kevin: "Awesome."

[Nazz falls and lands in a tire. She hangs by the top of her head.]

Nazz: "Kevin, help, I'm stuck!"

Jonny: "Help, Kevin, my head's going to explode!"

Sarah: "Kevin, hurry! I can't hold on forever!"

Jimmy: "My ankles are chafing!"

Kevin: "Oh man!"

Rolf: "Kevin! The weight of the bananas are crushing Rolf's apples!"

[Kevin backs up, looking at the wreckage.]

Nazz: "This is, like, totally wrecking my hair."

Jimmy: "Help me!"

[Kevin backs up against a tree, paranoid and scared.]

Kevin: "I've gotta be next. I'm the only one left." [running away] "You ain't scamming me, Eds! I'm on to ya! Later."

Nazz: "Where's he going?"

Sarah: "What's he blubbering about?"

Rolf: "There are no Ed-boys!"

Jonny: "See ya, Kevin!"

[Kevin runs through the jungle. The Eds and Nat are in the end of the lane by it.]

Kevin: "Aah!"

Edd: "Ssh! Ssh! This is becoming too risky, fellows. If we don't find Ed's mask, our Chimp World will be all for naught."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "Ed, we've been looking all day. Where'd you put it?"

Ed: "Put what?"

Nat: "The mask Ed."

Edd: "The mask you drew this morning, remember?"

Eddy: [searching Ed's monkey costume] "Did you check your costume?"

Ed: "Whoops! Lost my glove, see?" [He holds up his gloveless hand.]

Eddy: "You bonehead."

Edd: "I'd be the last to say I told you so, but if I had been in charge of–"

[Edd stops. Nat stares in shock. Eddy has taken Ed's costume off and is busily inspecting it.]

Edd: "Well, we can clearly see it isn't on Ed's person."

Eddy: [despondent] "It was the greatest scam in the world!" [vengeful] "I've gotta find the mask."

[Eddy steals Edd's clothes. He shakes the shorts, and Edd's underwear fall out. Nat turns crimson red.]

Edd: [hiding his nude body behind Ed] "For heaven's sakes, Eddy, control yourself! Excuse me, Ed."

Ed: [oblivious] "Table for two!"

Eddy: [now in only his boxers] "Aah, quit your gripin. Keep lookin!"

[Nat covers her eyes]

Ed: "Banana?"

Eddy: [slapping the banana away] "Cut it out, Ed. I'm looking over there." [He points in the direction.]

Ed: [two bananas up his nose] "Buy one, get one free!"

Edd: "Eddy? I can't find my underwear!"

Nat: [covering her eyes] "Can you guys please put your clothes back on?"


	80. Is There an Ed in the House?

[Rolf is about to have his picture 'taken' by the Eds and Nat in their photography scam, but his hair keeps sticking up]

Edd: "Let's pick a theme, shall we?"

Nat: "Would you like to pose with a beach ball or a lollipop?"

Rolf: "No sump, as Rolf prefers his churn that softs breads."

Eddy: "There he picked! Now get out of the way, so I can take the picture."

Rolf: "May Rolf order one eight by ten glossy with many wallet size photos for his relation?" [his hair sticks up again]

Eddy: "Whatever you want, Rolfie boy. I'll just put it on the bill."

Edd: "OK Rolf, look at us. Smile for the tawdry sock puppets. That's it, you can do it! Yes, you can! That a boy!"

Nat: [making the puppet talk] "Give us a big smile Rolf! Don't be shy!"

[Edd and Nat giggle]

[Rolf's hair sticks up when Eddy takes the picture]

Eddy: "Hahaha!" [goes to Ed in the 'processing unit'] "Is it finished yet?"

[Rolf, Nat and Edd are both waiting, when the bell rings]

Edd: "Well, We'll just check on those prints, shall we?"

Nat: "We shall."

Ed: "I am done, guys and girl!" [He shows Edd, Nat and Eddy his drawing.]

Nat: "Um, Ed." 

Edd: "What is that behind Rolf?"

Ed: "Rolf's head is about to be crunched by a four-legged mutant bus driver."

Eddy: "You're supposed to draw a picture of Rolf. No monsters, just Rolf, stupid."

Ed: "Oh yeah. Rub it out, rub it out, rub it out-"

[Jimmy pushes Ed's drawing pad out of the way]

Jimmy: "Where do you keep your hot water bottle?"

Eddy: "Hey Jimmy, take a hike!" [throws Jimmy out of the way] "Ed's busy."

Ed: "Under the sink, Jimmy!"

Rolf: [still sat down] "Hello? How long must Rolf wait for this portrait of self love?"

Edd: "Any time now." [to Eddy] "Rolf's becoming impatient, Eddy."

Jimmy [returns to Ed]: "How about the vaporizer, stretch?"

Ed: "Top shelf, shorty."

Eddy: "Hey! Go bug Sarah, you little pest!"

Jimmy: "For your information, crabby pants, Sarah is sick and I must take care of her."

Eddy: "We should all be so lucky."

Ed: "Sarah's sick? Wait!" [runs into the cardboard wall then on to his house] "Big brother's coming, baby sister!"

Eddy: "Ed, get back here!"

Edd: "Oh dear, I hope it's nothing serious. I best get my medical bag; one can never be too sure."

Nat: "I'll make her some tea."

[Rolf is becoming really impatient when Eddy looks at his 'photo']

Eddy: "Uhhh... gee, Rolf, you got a face only a mother could love." [runs off]

Rolf: "ED BOYS!"

[Jimmy and Ed are in Sarah's bedroom trying to help her feel better]

Jimmy: "There there, little frail one; Jimmy will take care of you."

Ed: "Ed is here to make you all better, Sarah."

Sarah: [sniff] "I feel hot."

Jimmy: "Ah, let me sooth you."

Sarah: "Thank you, Jimmy."

Ed: [blows through his mouth onto Sarah] "Big brothers take care of baby sisters." [carries on blowing onto her]

Sarah: "My pillow needs fluffing."

Jimmy: "There you go, Sarah."

Ed: "No let, me, sickly sister!"

Sarah [relaxed]: "Ahhhh..."

Jimmy: "Am I a good fluffer, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Yes you are, Jimmy."

[Jimmy sticks his tongue out at Ed]

Eddy [stood in the doorway of Sarah's room]: "What a load of..."

Edd: [pushes past Eddy] "Pardon me, Eddy. Please step aside, everyone." [checks Sarah's pulse] "Well, your pulse is normal."

Eddy: "I bet it is."

Jimmy: "Sarah's got a fever, Mr. Smarty Pants."

Ed: "Yeah, Mr. I wish I was as Smart Pants."

Edd: [touches Sarah's forehead] "Your temperature seems normal as well."

Sarah: "Oh, what do you know?"

Edd: "A minor cold at best, I say."

Eddy: "Ha!"

Nat: [walks past Eddy] "Please excuse me Eddy." [walks up to Sarah] "Hi Sarah I made you some tea."

Sarah: [taking the cup] "Thank you Nat."

Nat: "Your welcome."

Edd: "Gentlemen and lady, I suggest we leave, as a cold at any rate can be quite contagious."

Sarah [shouting]: "Yeah! Get lost!"

Ed: [picks up Edd, Nat and Eddy] "I will show them the door, dear debilitated one."

Eddy: "Come on, Ed! What are you going to do? Wipe her nose all day?"

Sarah: "I need a tissue, Jimmy."

Ed: [drops Edd, Nat and Eddy] "Oh, I'll fix it for you, Sarah."

Jimmy: "Nice and soft for that cute little nose."

[Ed uses a vacuum cleaner to clean Sarah's nose]

Eddy: "What a sap! We're wasting the whole day!"

Edd: "Ed's just fulfilling his duty as a caring brother, Eddy."

Nat: "I would do the same."

Eddy: "Your both so understanding."

Edd: "Perhaps we could set up a paging system, that way Ed could be free to do your bidding and still be in contact with Sarah."

Nat: "I agree."

[Ed continues to use the vacuum cleaner]

Eddy: "I like that!"

[Edd is setting up a paging system above Sarah's bed whilst she's asleep, but the bell accidentally rings, waking her up]

Sarah [shouting]: "Double D!" [grabs Edd round the waist and picks him up] "What the heck are you doing?"

Edd: "Ahh, trying to help you."

Sarah: "Oh, OK Double D." [giggles]

Edd: "Being confined to one's room can be quite frustrating, so I found a way to ease Ed's, I mean your burden. Uh... just pull this handle and someone will assist you."

Sarah: "It's too high." [adjusts string on pager] "No it's too low. Too high! Little low." [Ed and Jimmy are watching but Jimmy keeps going in front of Ed, so Ed copies him. Nat walks in.] "Nope, too high! Way too low. High! Low. High. High."

Edd: "Enough already! You may not be feeling well; I can sympathize with that, but I'm trying to-"

Sarah: [Sarah gives a raspberry at Edd] "Serves you right."

Edd [angry]: "Why, you-!"

[Ed and Nat grab Edd]

Ed [holding Edd]: "No, Double D!"

Nat [also holding]: "Please don't!"

Edd: "If I catch a cold...! I'll...I'll... Just give me five minutes with that germ spreading brat!"

Nat: "Double D please calm down! You're better than this!" [She turns Edd around and hugs him. He slowly calms down]

[Sarah rings her bell]

Ed: "Coming, Sarah dear."

Jimmy: "Can I get you anything, Sarah?"

Ed: "Yeah, can I get you anything, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Would you guys be so kind as to LET ME FINISH SLEEPING?!!"

[Ed pushes Edd, Nat and Eddy out of his house, and carries Jimmy out, into the Cul-de-Sac]

Ed: "Sarah needs to rest because she is sick."

Eddy: "Ed, how can you be so stupid?"

Ed: [stops pushing them] "I watch cartoons, Eddy."

Eddy: "Yeah, well grow up; forget stupid Sarah. Follow me to your future, lumpy!" [the Eds and Nat and Jimmy go to Eddy's garage where he's about to unveil his next scam] "We blew up on the photo scam, so on to plan B: 'The Triple E Free Driving School'! Only it's not free, and we'll charge them. Double D, you're the instructor."

Edd: "Me? but I..."

Eddy: "Ed, you're the motor."

Ed: "I have achieved greatness!"

Eddy: "Nat, set the traffic cones."

Nat: "That I can do."

[Sarah's bell rings]

Jimmy: "It's Sarah!"

Ed: "I'll be back guys and girl!"

Edd: "My paging system seems effective, don't you think Eddy?"

Eddy: "My paging system seems effective, don't you think Eddy? How are we suppose to get any work done with Ed answering your stupid paging system?"

Ed: [returns with Jimmy] "Okey dokey! I'm ready, Eddy."

Eddy: "What took ya? I got students waiting!" [shows Nazz and Jonny waiting for their driving lessons]

Jonny: "Where's the obstacle course, Eddy? Plank's itching to tear up some pavement!"

Eddy: "Comin' right up, Jonny boy. Here we go!"

[Eddy grabs Jimmy and ties him up]

Jimmy: "Ahh! No, stop, that tickles, stop!"

Eddy: "We aim to please. Let Plank wrap his bumper around this obstacle."

Edd: [to himself] "Let's try to sound convincing now, shall we Double D? Let's see now." [he hears someone go in the car] "Good day, pupil. Welcome to the Triple E Driving Course. My name is Eddward, and I'll be your instructor for the day."

Nat: "Hi Eddward. Ready when you are."

Edd: "N-Nat! Forgive me but I was not expecting you."

Nat: "I know Eddy told me to test the car first."

Edd [nervous]: "Well well, um...Shall we begin with...um...Well, first we must, uh, buckle our safety belts, uh... shall we?"

Nat: "They're stuck, Um Eddward. Would you mind helping me?" [turns to Edd]

Edd: Ohh, n-no not at all." [attempts to fasten the seatbelt, basically two ends of a power cable, but is trembling so much that he's unable to manage it. Nat manages to do it]

Nat: "Did I do it right?"

Edd: "Very good! Umm... once safe to do so, please proceed on to the course."

Nat: "Ok!"

Ed: [begins to push the car and makes car noises] "Vroom! Vroom!"

Edd: "Not too fast, now. Easy on the corners. That's it! Nicely done."

Nat: "This is fun!"

[Sarah's bell rings again and Jimmy manages to get untangled]

Jimmy: "I'm comin', girlfriend!"

Ed: [looks at where Jimmy was] "What a weasel! She's my sick sister!"

Edd: "Ed?"

Eddy [shouting]: "Hey! You're the motor, get back here!"

[Edd and Nat continue traveling]

Edd [confused]: "Why aren't we stopping?"

Nat: "Oh no."

[the car starts spinning round]

Edd: "Go left! Go left! Brake! Brake!"

Nat: "What brake?"

Edd: [to Eddy] "You forgot to put in a brake?!"

[The car continues to roll till it crashes, breaking in the process.]

Nat: "Oww."

Edd: "Nat! Are you alright?!" [he helps Nat up]

Nat: [clutching her head] "Yeah I'm ok. What about you?"

Edd: "Yes I am alright."

[Meanwhile back at Ed's house, Jimmy runs through the door of Sarah's room with a plate of sandwiches. Ed also runs towards the door with a bowl but Jimmy shuts the door on him. The bowl smashes against the wall]

Ed: "Uh oh!" [runs back downstairs]

Jimmy: [opens door and laughs then closes it and walks over to Sarah] "A three cheese grilled sandwich and, see, no crust!"

Ed: [knocks down door and comes in with a large fridge] "Take your pick, unwell baby sister of mine." [drops fridge on the floor, breaking the floor]

Jimmy: [stuffs a cheese sandwich into Sarah's mouth] "Don't listen to him, Sarah. Cheese is good for a cold; you know it's your favorite."

Ed: "She's my sister, and my sister likes fruit and vegetables! Isn't that right, baby sister?!?!"

[Ed and Jimmy help Sarah chew by moving her cheeks]

Jimmy: "Here, Sarah, let me help you chew."

Ed: "I will help her chew."

[Sarah mumbles with her mouth full of food]

Jimmy: "What's that? A book you say? I'll get you one."

Ed: "In the void of space, Zorba the two-headed mutant-"

Jimmy: "Silly little Jilly frolicked in the daisies."

Ed: "Spewing slime from its tentacles!"

Jimmy: "'I'm so silly', said Jilly."

Ed: "As Zorba sucked its brain!"

Jimmy: "I wish I were a potato so the prince would like me."

Ed: "He gagged on his bones!"

[Sarah rings her bell and Ed and Jimmy stop reading]

Sarah: "See the ball?"

Jimmy: "Yes, I do, Sarah."

Ed: "Yep, it's a ball."

Sarah: "Go get it!"

Jimmy: [jumps out the window] "Certainly, Sarah."

Ed: [also jumps out the window] "I'll get it, Sarah."

[In the Cul-de-Sac, Edd, Nat and Eddy are pulling the car from the driving school out of some bushes.]

Eddy: "Of all the- that's two scams down the tube."

Nat: "I'm sorry Eddy."

Edd: "You know what they say Eddy, three's the charm." [Sarah's ball bounces in front of them]

Jimmy [running after the ball]: "Mine, mine, mine!"

[Ed jumps into the broken car and runs off]

Eddy: "That's it!" [runs towards Ed and gets him on the floor] "Ed, what's with ya?"

Ed: [tries pushing himself away with Eddy sat on top of him] "Sarah's sick, get ball, then Jimmy, I gotta-"

Eddy: "You gotta nothing!"

Ed: "I gotta nothing?"

Eddy: [pokes Ed] "You're the big brother, that means you're the boss. Get over there and show her what you're made of! Get mean!"

Ed: [stands up] "You're right, Eddy. I am the big brother, Sarah!" [stops] "Oh, I know!"

[Ed hikes his pants up all the way to his chest.]

Eddy: "Whoa, you're a tough guy, Ed."

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: "You've sent him into the lion's den; you know that, don't you?"

Ed: "Yep."

[At Ed's house, Jimmy has returned with the ball]

Sarah: [plays with the ball with Jimmy when Ed enters with his pants pulled up high] "Too late! Jimmy already got my ball."

[Ed throws the ball outside the window]

[outside]

Eddy: "You work hard all your life, and what's it get cha?"

[the ball hits Edd]

[inside]

Sarah [shouting]: "Ed! Go get my ball!"

Ed: "No ball! Get in bed! Rest now!"

Sarah: [nervously] "Please get my ball."

Jimmy: "Don't you fret, Sarah; I'll get it."

Ed: "Here, let me help you."

[Ed throws Jimmy out the window]

[outside]

Eddy: "Pass the tape will ya, Double D?" [Jimmy lands on Edd]

Jimmy: "Ahhh! My head!"

[back inside]

Sarah: [in tears] "You threw my friend out, Ed! How could you do that?!? He was just trying to help!" [cries]

Ed: "Aww... I am sorry, baby sister. A big hug will make you feel all better. There, there." [Sarah smiles devilishly]

[Sarah beats up Ed. The house is jumping up and down]

Ed: "Get it off! Get it off!"

Edd: "It seems Sarah's made the road to recovery."

Nat: "Good for her."

[Edd sneezes on Eddy]

Eddy: "Say it, don't spray it."

[Edd sneezes again]

Nat: "Double D are you ok?"

Eddy: "What's with you?"

Edd: "Ooh, I knew it. Curse you, common cold microorganisms! It's all part of the big plan, don't you see? They wait and strike when you're the most vulnerable." [sneezes again]

Nat: "Come on Double D, I'll take care of you." [She leads Edd away.]

Edd: "Don't just stand there, do something! Eddy!"

[looks at the damaged car and Ed's house]

Ed: "Pain! It hurts!"

Eddy: "I wonder what's on TV?"

Ed: "Have mercy depraved sibling!"


	81. An Ed is Born

[Rolf is crawling along the sidewalk, sniffing as he goes. He crawls over Jonny.]

Jonny: "Hiya, Rolf! What'cha doing there, guy?"

Rolf: "Silence! Rolf must brood."

[Rolf follows the trail to Ed's house, which he enters, still crawling. He comes to the basement steps and falls down them. He looks through a keyhole into Ed's room. Inside, Ed has his bathtub filled with water and a group of chickens wearing diving masks are floating in it.]

Nat: "Ed I don't think this is a good idea."

Edd: [worried] "Ed, this is so wrong! Rolf's sure to discover his chickens are missing!" [Rolf enters.]

Ed: [to the chickens while he holds a hula hoop] "Here we go! Jump! You there, upsy-daisy!"

[Rolf sees Ed with his chickens and gets mad.]

Ed: "Uhh...I think you have to go home, chickens."

Nat: "I'm sorry Rolf."

Edd: "Please excuse Ed, he meant-"

Rolf: [motioning for Edd to stop, then, pleasantly] "Let Rolf understand this. I suppose disgracing Rolf is okay to you, Ed boy. Walking off with Rolf's chickens like a fine howdy-do?"

Ed: "It was their idea, Rolf. As they wanted to be the best chickens they could be! Bless their little giblets."

[Ed suddenly notices Eddy outside of his window, pushing a crate.]

Rolf: "Is that so, Ed boy?" [angry] YOU HAVE SQUEEZED AN ORANGE RIND IN THE EYE OF ROLF! RETURN THE CHICKENS, OR ROLF WILL-"

[Rolf gets hit by a crate flying down the stairs. The impact sends Rolf flying out the basement window.]

Ed: "That concludes our lessons for today, ladies! Ta Ta! Same time tomorrow!"

[The chickens exit by virtue of a ski pole leading to a window.]

Eddy: [coming down the stairs] "Hey guys, look at what my brother sent me! That big lug."

Edd: "Your brother sent you this?"

Ed: "I think his brother sent it to him, Double D."

Nat: "What did he send?"

Eddy: "Check it out! I bet it's a car or something."

Edd: [reading the crate's label] "Why, this seems to be addressed to a 'Pipsqueak,' Eddy. A pet name for his baby brother, I assume?" [Ed and Edd giggle.]

Eddy: "Yeah, so? That means head honcho in our house. Why else would he send me the key to a new truck?"

[Eddy holds up a pacifier. Ed and Edd laugh.]

Eddy: [realizing] "This is baby stuff! What's he think I am, a two year old?!" [He pulls out a rattle and shakes it.]

Nat: "Aww."

Ed: "Cool."

[Eddy chucks the rattle. Ed runs after it.]

Eddy: [turning to the chuckling Edd] "What are you lookin' at?"

Edd: [still giggling] "I'm sorry, Eddy, but don't you think it's rather amusing that your brother still thinks of you as his baby brother?"

Eddy: [angry] "No! I HATE being a baby brother!"

Edd: [rolling his eyes] "OK, then."

Ed: [grabbing his friends] "Listen." [He shakes the rattle.]

Eddy: [getting an idea] "Hold your horses! I'll just show him how big I've gotten. Ed, take me to the mailbox, pronto!" [Eddy seals himself in the crate and Ed carries him upstairs]

Ed: "Gotcha, Eddy! Whoa, right over my head."

Edd: "Wouldn't it be easier just to mail a letter describing yourself, Eddy?" [Ed loses his balance on the top of the stairs and falls down with the crate crashing back down into the basement, bursting Eddy out] "Why, if I were you, I'd write a book, a biography of sorts."

Nat: "We could add pictures!"

Eddy: "You two don't get out much, do ya?"

Ed: "If I were me, I would make a home movie."

Eddy: "Ed, that's it! We'll make a home movie! Double D, you're the cameraman."

Edd: "But Eddy, we don't have a-"

Eddy: "I'll be the exec. producer, exec. director, exec. writer and of course, the star."

[In the background, Ed reaches for something in his dryer]

Edd: "We can't shoot a movie without-"

Eddy: "Ed can be...Ed. We'll show my brother that Eddy's all grown up!"

Edd: "You're forgetting something, Eddy! We need a-"

Eddy: [smirking] "And Nat you can be my girlfriend."

Nat: "W-Well um I wouldn't want to steal your spotlight Eddy!"

Eddy: "Good point."

Nat: "But we need a-"

Ed: [pulling a camcorder from his dryer and tossing it to Edd] "Camera, static free."

Edd: "Why do you keep a camera in your dryer, Ed?"

Ed: [oblivious] "What?"

Eddy: "There you have it."

Edd: "Well, we do have a camera."

Eddy: "Let's make a movie!"

Ed: "Can I lick the bowl?"

Nat: "How does the camera work?"

Edd: [trying to work the camera] "I'm not sure. Ed, do you have a manual for this?"

Ed: "Somewhere."

[Edd is recording. A chair is sitting in Eddy's driveway. Bags of money surround it.]

Eddy: [flying in out of nowhere onto the chair, wearing a mustache] "Hiya, bro! What's up? It's me, Eddy, all grown up and livin' the life. Who'd have thought, huh? Check out my mustache."

Edd: "OK, cut. Uhh, we'll need to get a close up, Eddy."

Eddy: "Um, how was that?"

[Edd has moved in close.]

Eddy: "This thing's giving me a rash."

Edd: "Action!"

Eddy: "Looks like I inherited your genes for the face fur, huh bro? And you know what?"

[Edd is back to his first position.]

Eddy: "Now?"

Edd: "Action."

Eddy: "And you know what? I'm loaded. Been investing for years; real estates, stocks, bonds. I've even bought me a couple of planets! Yep, already own Saturn and Pluto."

[Edd turns the camera on Ed, who is sticking dollar signs on trash bags.]

Edd: [sarcastic] "Oh, come now, Eddy."

Ed: "Boy, being rich really stinks." [He throws one of the bags towards Eddy's pile.]

Eddy: [turning the camera back to him] "What the heck are you doing?! Don't film that!"

Edd: [as Eddy's mustache falls off] "Sorry, Eddy; the planet baron story threw me off."

[Nat giggles]

Eddy: "Cut, cut! How's my brother supposed to think I'm cool when you guys keep–"

[Ed shakes his head. It sounds like the rattle.]

[The Eds and Nat are walking along the sidewalk.]

Edd: "Action."

Eddy: "Unlike myself, the old neighborhood's still the same as you left it, bro. Hey, did I tell ya? I'm mayor now! Right, Ed?"

Ed: [seeing Kevin ride past] "Hi, Kevin!"

Eddy: [stopping at a hydrant] "See that loser? That's Kevin." [Kevin appears behind Eddy.] "He's the neighborhood dork. I have to slap him around every now and then, just to remind him who's boss."

Edd: "Eddy..."

Nat: "Behind you."

Kevin: "Neighborhood dork, huh?" [He wedgies Eddy, pulling the underwear over the back of his bike.] "Hey, Double Dweeb! You getting this?"

Eddy: [trying to act cool] "He collects underwear and gives it to the poor." [Kevin rides off, dragging Eddy's underwear along. Eddy grabs the hydrant to keep from being pulled off.] "Pretty stupid, huh bro?" [The tension becomes too great, and Eddy is pulled away from the hydrant.] "Help!"

Eddy: [being dragged] "SLOW DOWN, KEVIN! I WAS JUST KIDDING! STOP! PLEASE!"

[Eddy's underwear snaps and he bounces on the road before landing in a heap.]

Ed: "Look at him bounce, Eddy's brother!"

Nat: [worried] "Eddy!"

Edd: "Are you all right?!"

Ed: [offering Eddy the rattle] "Boy, Eddy! You deserve a shake for that."

[Eddy grabs rattle from Ed and throws it to the ground. He leaps on it in an attempt to destroy it, but instead slips on it and falls over.]

Edd: [sarcastic] "I must say, if I were your brother, I'd be very impressed."

[The filming has moved to the park. Edd searches for his actors.]

Nat: "Eddy?"

Edd: "Where are you?"

Eddy: "Over here, Spielberg."

Edd: [filming him] "There you are."

Jimmy: "Race you to the swings, Sarah!"

Eddy: "Hey, bro! Remember how you used to own the playground? Well, it's mine now. Check this out."

Sarah: "Outta the way, horse head! We wanna play on the swings!"

Eddy: "You know the drill: Cough up some dough, then swing."

Sarah: [outraged] "What'd you say?!"

Edd: "Ok, cut! Hold your positions please."

[Edd positions the two new additions to the cast.]

Edd: "Ready, now. Oh, Jimmy, a little closer if you will. Fine. And cue set-"

[Sarah punches the camera and knocks it out of Edd's hands. It falls on the ground and begins recording.]

Nat: "Not the camera!"

Edd: [hurrying to pick it up] "Oh, dear."

Sarah: "Ed! Get your stupid friends out of the way!"

[Edd picks up the camera and begins filming again.]

Eddy: "No use pleading for mercy, Sarah. Ed obeys only his supreme leader. That's me, bro."

Ed: "OK, Sarah!" [Ed grabs Eddy.]

Eddy: "Umm...Ed here is showing Sarah what I'll do to her if she doesn't take a hiKE!!!" [Ed throws Eddy onto the swing-set pole. Eddy's body elongates and wraps around it.]

Ed: "There you go, baby sister! Swing to your heart's content."

Edd: "Okay, people! A big smile for Eddy's brother!"

[Sarah, pleased, complies with the director's request.]

[The Eds and Nat are on the street again. Edd, Nat and Eddy are on the sidewalk, despondently trying to think of something that will save the movie. Ed is playing with the camcorder.]

Ed: "Hello, my name is Ed." [He licks the camera's lens.]

Nat: "What now?"

Eddy: "Running out of ideas, Double D think of something that'll make me look good."

Edd: [seeing Ed] "Ed, you be careful with that!" [no longer caring] "Oh, what do I care? It's his camera."

Ed: "Man the helms! Dive! Dive!"

[Ed swallows the camera. The screen goes black.]

Edd: "Ed, what have you done? Open it! Open it!" [Ed opens his mouth. The camera is positioned in his garbage filled stomach at such an angle.] "You should know better than to eat the camera. Just think what it will do to your digestive tract!"

[Edd reaches inside and takes the camera out.]

Ed: "Boy, I can't wait to see that part, Double D."

Edd: "Yes, well, let's not and say we did, Ed."

Eddy: "Come on, come on! I've got an impression to make here, remember?"

[The Eds and Nat hear Nazz humming. They look across the street and see her painting her nails.]

Eddy: [sweating on camera] "Hey look, it's my girlfriend, painting her nails for me. I think I'll go give her the pleasure of my company."

[Eddy approaches her gingerly. He sits on the curb a few feet away and slowly eases himself over to her side. He tries to put his arm around her; at this point, Nazz notices him, and knocks him into a fire hydrant. Nazz then notices the camera.]

Nazz: "Umm...Double D, are you guys, like, making a movie or something?"

Nat: "Yeah!"

Ed: [focusing on the soaking Eddy] "Not to worry, Eddy's brother. I'll just dry him off!"

Jonny: [appearing out of nowhere and snatching the camera] "Hey, buddy, what'cha got there? Is that a video camera?"

Edd: "Jonny, please! We're trying to make a movie."

Jonny: "Back off! Hahahahahaha!" [He runs away.]

Nat: "Please give it back!"

Eddy: [diving at Jonny] "Why, you little-!"

Jonny: "Hahahaha–" [He gets hammered.]

[Edd has the camera back. He focuses on Eddy, who has finished burying Jonny. Eddy sets down his shovel on Jonny's head and talks to the camera.]

Eddy: "He scares the birds away; what can I tell ya? Shall we continue with my charmed life? Well, what do you know? It's our international jet-setter, Rolf."

[Ed comes on, dressed in one of Rolf's shirts, which has been pulled over his normal clothes. Ed shakes the rattle.]

Eddy: "Hey, Rolf! Tell my brother how important I am."

[Eddy notices the rattle and tosses it away.]

Ed: "I forget."

[The rattle comes down and hits the real Rolf, who is raking leaves, on the head. The Eds and Nat turn to see him shake his fist angrily.]

Rolf: "ED-BOY!"

[Rolf is chasing them. The camera catches only Ed running and Rolf chasing them down with a rake.]

Rolf: "Come back, chicken thief!"

The Eds and Nat: "RUN AWAY!"

[The Eds and Nat have moved to the junkyard.]

Edd: "No backs to the camera please; it's rude, you know."

Eddy: "Shut up and roll. Remember this place, bro? The junkyard, your old hangout. All the kids are chicken to come here."

[Ed is shown looking around, scared. He clutches his rattle for protection.]

Eddy: "See? What'd I tell ya? But not me."

Ed: "Show yourself, mutant scamp laborer!" [He bangs on a wrecked car with the rattle.]

Eddy: "Yeah, uh...Ed's just fixing my old car. It's not quite ready yet. Moving right along. You'll never guess what I'm building. It's an ultimate hard-boiled-egg-boiler. I've got big bucks invested in this gold mine."

[Edd cuts the camera. He starts again seconds later, from another angle.]

Eddy: "What?"

Edd: "Go on."

Eddy: "By simply tossing your-"

[Edd cuts the camera again. He moves to a new angle.]

Eddy: "–the combustion soon-"

Edd: "Look natural; stay with me."

[Cuts again, new angle]

Eddy: "–uhh, thus rendering the egg-"

[Edd cuts the camera again and moves back to his original angle.]

Eddy: "–for all to enjoy."

Edd: "I'm creating dynamics, Eddy."

Eddy: "Don't get arty on me, Double D."

[Eddy opens the door to his boiler to show off the inside. He doesn't look in, and so doesn't see that the Kankers are inside. Edd and Ed begin to shake.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: "What are you doing?"

Edd: "Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-KAAAANKEEEEEERSSS!"

The Kankers: "Hiya, Eddy!"

[The Kankers pull Eddy into the boiler. Ed and Edd try to pull him out.]

[Eddy is half inside and half outside the hard-boiled-egg-boiler.]

Ed: "I gotcha, Eddy!"

Edd: "Pull, Ed!"

Eddy: "Get me out!"

Nat: "Hang on Eddy!"

[Nat manages to pull Eddy out and he slams into the camera.]

The Eds and Nat: "RUN AWAY!"

[Edd picks up the camera and films as he runs. He turns around and takes a shot of the Kankers, who are waving at them.]

Lee: "We know where you live!"

[Edd tucks the camera into his arm so he can run better. The Eds and Nat'srunning feet are shown.]

Eddy: "HELP ME! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

[The filming has moved to Eddy's room. Eddy lies on his bed, looking every bit the emperor, while the kids mill about in his room.]

Eddy: "Hiya, bro! So anyways, here I am, all nice and safe in my cozy bachelor pad where all the kids show up to get my autograph. Yep, I'm that big, bro."

[A bunch of kids walk around. For some reason, they seem oddly two-dimensional]

Eddy: "Look, it's Kevin. The usual spot there, dork?" [He signs his name, then speaks for Kevin, affecting an unnatural tone] "Sweet, Eddy! You're cool, man."

Edd: [sure the charade won't fool anyone] "Oh, please."

Eddy: "And there's Jonny. Sign your shirt there, curly?"

[Eddy signs it. At that point, Ed comes by, sprinkling Chunky Puffs on the ground.]

Ed: "They're hungry again, Eddy!" [Eddy grabs Ed's neck.]

Eddy: [through gritted teeth] "So feed them over there!"

[Rolf is shown coming into the house in the background. He is sniffing the floor, following a trail.]

Eddy: "So, bro; as you can see, I'm a big shot now. No more beatin' up little Eddy, hey, big brother?"

[Rolf stands beside Eddy, waiting for the three-haired one to notice him.]

Edd: "Eddy! Rolf!"

Eddy: "Rolf? Did I forget to sign Rolf? There ya go, stretch."

Nat: "That's the real Rolf!"

[Eddy signs Rolf's face. Rolf looks miffed, but then becomes enraged.]

Rolf: [angry] "YOU HAVE VANDALIZED ROLF'S FACE, AND YOU HAVE-"

[A duplicate of Rolf comes by. Rolf picks it up, revealing it to be a cardboard statue carried by a chicken.]

Rolf: "AND YOU HAVE STOLEN ROLF'S CHICKENS YET AGAIN!!!" [seeing Edd filming] "Are you stealing Rolf's soul with your film box?!"

Edd: [nervous] "Why, of course not, Rolf! What gave you that impression?"

Nat: "Were just filming a movie!"

Rolf: "Rolf will release his rage now!"

Eddy: "Wait, we can work this out!"

[Punching sounds are heard and Eddy is thrown into a wall, destroying some of the cardboard kids as he smashes through them. The chickens run amuck.]

Rolf: "Return Rolf's chickens!"

Ed: [running off] "WAAAAAAHHHH!"

Rolf: "RETURN THEM!"

[Rolf storms toward Ed and Eddy. Meanwhile, the chickens go berserk and one of them flies towards Edd and Nat.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Shoo! Go away! Don't touch me!" [Edd gets knocked over along with Nat, and the camera falls to the floor. The rest of the scene is filmed from this angle.]

Rolf: "Stop, I must punish you!"

Eddy: "Mommy!"

Nat: "Oww."

Edd: "I think your brother's got the picture, Eddy."

Eddy: "AAAAAAHHHHH!"

[The camera's batteries die and the camera shuts off, effectively ending the movie.]


	82. One Size Fits Ed

[Jimmy looks down into a well.]

Jimmy: "Sarah, come see!" [Sarah joins him.]

Sarah: "Wowzers."

Jimmy: "It's a real wishing well, Sarah! And a bargain at 25¢ a wish!"

Sarah: [fishing out a quarter] "Heck, I'll make a wish. I wish for a–"

Jimmy: "I wish for my name up in lights! Fame! Glamour! And bodyguards! I wanna be a star!"

Sarah: "Just make your stupid wish, willya? Ready...go!"

[They flip their quarters in, and the coins fall into the well. They listen as the coins fall into the water.]

Jimmy: "Supermarket tabloids, here I come!" [He and Sarah run off, and Eddy and Nat peek out of a bush.]

Eddy: "They fell for it! Did you see that?"

Nat: "I saw Eddy."

[Edd rises out of the well, revealing that the long drop was merely an optical illusion.]

Edd: "The magic of geometrical drafting. Note: the brain can be fooled by what the eye perceives. A simple optical illusion, Eddy." [He tilts the coins into his hands.] "Did you write that down?"

Eddy: "No. Gimme the cash!"

Edd: [pushing Eddy off] "Eddy, taking notes is an essential part of learning!"

Eddy: [hostile] "Are you touching my face?"

Edd: [realizing his faux pas] "Oh. Um. Yes." [He removes his hands.] "Sorry. The way to a successful moneymaking venture requires–"

Eddy: "No notes! I don't need you to tell me how to make cash. I was born to fleece, Double D. Do you know who I think I am?"

Edd: "Unfortunately, yes."

[Ed exits his house, his jacket tied around his waist. He runs up to his friends.]

Ed: "Hoy hoy hoy hoy."

Edd: "Ed?"

Nat: "What are you doing?"

Ed: "Boozah!" [He uses his belly to throw Edd into the well.] "Guess what I am, guys and girl!"

Nat: "I don't know Ed." 

Eddy: "An idiot?"

Ed: "Been there done that, Eddy."

Edd: "Ed, help me up." [Nat helps him]

Ed: "Not even close, Double D. Sukiyaki!" [He headbutts Eddy.] "I am Ed, sumo wrestler. I saw it on TV!"

Edd: "Ed, did you brush this morning?"

Ed: "Hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy." [He goes off and does some squats.]

Eddy: "Ed, this sumo stuff's gold!"

Ed: "Potato!" [He does a jump.]

Eddy: "Save it for the paying customers, Lumpy. 'Cause I'm gonna make you the sumo champ of the world. I'm gonna be rich! What do you say?"

Ed: [thinking] "Nah. Hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy." [He walks off.] "Hoy." [He dumps the contents of a trash can out on himself.] "Suki and cheese."

Eddy: "Aw, c'mon, Ed. Sumo wrestlers eat tons of food!"

[Ed denies Eddy again.]

Ed: [walking off] "Hoy hoy hoy hoy."

Edd: "Well, Eddy, seems fame and fortune has passed you by. Maybe Jimmy's wish would've been easier to fulfill."

Eddy: "Jimmy? Jimmy! HE wanted to be famous! And he'd look great in a diaper!"

Edd: "I was just kidding, Eddy! Jimmy can't wrestle!"

Eddy: [clamping his hands over Edd's mouth] "The brain can be fooled by what the eye heaves. C'mon, Ed! Lend me a gut, willya?"

Edd: "That's perceives, Eddy. I told you to take notes."

Ed: [kicking up the sidewalk] "Mohico!" [destroying another section and rolling it up] "Chop chop!" [hitting it again] "Whoa, Nelly!"

[A teddy bear is sitting on the grass while Jimmy draws.]

Jimmy: "Lah da da da dah...And here's your autograph, Mr. Bear. Now go pick some berries or something, I'm busy. Ooh, another groveling fan. My public adores me." [to Sarah] "How about you, little lady? Go on, you know you want one.

Sarah: [sourly] "You're such a fathead. You better be careful what you wish for, Mr. Star." [She storms away.]

[Jimmy blows a raspberry at Sarah's receding back. Suddenly, he is yanked out of his clothes and forced into a diaper.]

Jimmy: "Shiver me timbers! Aah!" [His hair is tied back and he is given a fork and spoon.]

Ed: "Go like this, Jimmy. Hoy hoy hoy!"

Jimmy: "Pardon me?"

Eddy: [blowing a whistle] "Go get the food, Ed." [Ed goes off, shouting "hoy" all the way.]

Edd: [dressed in a robe] "What the honorable thickheaded trainer is attempting to do is make Jimmy-san a star."

Jimmy: "Me? A star?"

Nat: [dressed in a robe] "Sure!"

Eddy: [dragging a chair and a TV out of the house] "The road to stardom starts with catering, kid. You're gonna be huge!"

Jimmy: "I'm with you, Svengali! I wanna be a VIP! Ready, willing, and able! Mold me." [He sits down.]

Eddy: "Bingo."

Ed: "Shezwhatdoyouknow!" [He throws Rolf's shed into the yard.] "Nothin says lovin' like something from the tool shed."

Eddy: "Thataboy, Ed!"

Nat: "Um Ed."

Edd: "You took Rolf's meat locker?!?"

Eddy: "Don't wreck the mood, geisha boy."

Jimmy: [looking at the meat] "I can't eat this slop! Come with me." [He gets up.]

Eddy: "Prima donna."

[Jimmy leads him to a fridge in the basement and opens the door, revealing that it is filled with two products.]

Jimmy: "My own private stock."

Eddy: "Peaches and cream? Sure, that'll work."

[What follows is a montage of Jimmy eating, eating, eternally eating. He starts out simply spooning the food from bowls. Edd suggests using chopsticks to eat them via Japanese tradition, but Eddy turns it down and gives Jimmy another spoon. From here he moves on to having it poured into his mouth. The last step is glugging it down from a giant funnel, emptying the fridge. Despite all this work, Jimmy stays petite, to Eddy's consternation. Suddenly, his belly button pops, and he swells immensely.]

Eddy: "I told you I'd make him big!"

Ed: "He is huge!"

Eddy: "He's a ton of fun! [Jimmy's retainer snaps off.] And this is just the beginning, kid. You're my ticket to moolahville!"

Jimmy: [crying] "What happened to my svelte physique? I look like, like, a sumo wrestler!"

Ed: "Sumo wrestlers are stars, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Sumo wrestlers are stars?"

Edd: "Well, yes, they're highly revered within their own culture...they have legions of fans that cater to their every whim."

Jimmy: "Really?"

Eddy: [drawing a ring in the dirt with his foot] "You bet, kid. Step into the ring and–" [His mouth drops open.] "Huh?!"

Ed: "Look at Jimmy waddle!"

[Jimmy has grown so that his legs no longer reach the ground.]

Jimmy: "My tushy's too big!" [Nat draws a ring around him.]

Edd: "I thought it would be easier to bring the ring to Jimmy." [sarcastic] "After all, he is a star."

Eddy: "Yokazuna Ed!"

Ed: [hustling into the ring] "Heavy-san!"

Jimmy: [frightened] "Ooh! What's Ed doing?"

Nat: "It's ok Jimmy."

Eddy: "Yokazuna Ed wishes to wrestle you! As you are now the world-famous...uh...honorable...uh...Imafatso Jimbo."

Edd: [sarcastic] "Boy, that was very clever, Eddy."

Eddy: "Hey, I get around."

Jimmy: "You want a piece of me?"

[Ed charges Jimmy, screaming. He dives into Jimmy's belly and disappears.]

Edd: "Ed vanished?"

Nat: "Where is he?"

Jimmy: "Did I win?"

Eddy: "C'mon, Ed. Quit fooling around." [Ed doesn't appear.] "Hey Ed. Where are ya?" [He searches in Jimmy's fat.]

Jimmy: "What's going on down there?"

Edd: "Ed!"

Eddy: "Hey Lumpy!"

Nat: "I think he's in Jimmy's belly button."

[Ed's arm suddenly pops out of Jimmy's belly button.]

Jimmy: [scared] "I got a wiggly in my belly button! Get it out! Get it out!"

Eddy: "Just pop him out Imafatso! Pop him!" [Jimmy begins to strain.]

Nat: "Be careful Jimmy!"

Edd: "You could pull something."

Ed: "This is fun!" [He flies out.]

Eddy: "You made it, kid! You're a star! And I'm gonna be so rich!" [He kisses Jimmy's forehead.]

Jimmy: "I'm a star?"

Eddy: "Sumo wrestlers are revered!"

Edd: "In Japan."

Eddy: "You'll have legions of fans, who will cater to your every whim!"

Edd: "In Japan."

Eddy: [slowly] "Okay, Double D. I'll bite. So your point is..."

Edd: "Sumo wrestlers are revered, celebrated and affluent only in Japan, Eddy!"

Nat: "Which we are not in."

Ed: "Eddy's the man with the plan."

Eddy: "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GO TO JAPAN?!"

Jimmy: "Don't give up now, Eddy. The show must go on!"

Eddy: "Quit living in the clouds, kid! There's no way I'm sending you...to..." [Inspiration strikes.]

[Jimmy is dragged over to a mailbox by Ed. Ed can't pull him over the curb, though, so there he sits. Then, Ed and Eddy put the box over Jimmy's head and jump on it.]

Eddy: "Okay, Ed. Looks good to me! Now where's that mailman?"

[Jimmy's pudge becomes too much for the box, and it bursts open.]

Jimmy: "My pudgy pecs burst the mailbox, Eddy!"

Eddy: "It didn't work?"

Edd: "Of course it didn't, Eddy! Given Jimmy's immense proportions, the mailbox was bound to burst. And postage alone would have cost up to two hundred dollars."

Eddy: "My sumo scam didn't have a chance?"

Nat: "I'm afraid not, Eddy."

Eddy: [confrontational] "And you knew it Double D! Did I make you laugh, huh?"

Edd: "Honestly, I just felt it would be a good learning experience for you. Eddy?"

Nat: "Eddy please calm down!"

Eddy: "I quit!"

Jimmy: "No, Eddy! Don't quit! I trusted you! I believed in you! It'll take me weeks to thin these thighs! You said I was a star."

Ed: "Can I wear that hat?"

Eddy: [regaining his confidence] "Okay. Forget Double Drip. It's Japan or bust, I tell ya! We'll be eating with chopsticks in no time."

Jimmy: "I'm going to be a star!"

[Edd walks off, depressed by the stupidity of his friends.]

[A lamppost is bent almost double, weighted down by an anvil in its center and Jimmy at its end.]

Eddy: [clambering onto Jimmy] "All aboard who's going aboard!"

Ed: "All packed, Eddy!" [He puts his suitcase in Jimmy's diaper.] "I got my jammies, undies, sockies, a toe clipper and a sponge."

Eddy: "Ask me if I care, Ed. Last chance, Double D and Nat! Whaddya say?"

Edd: "Break a leg?"

Nat: "Good luck!"

Jimmy: "Big time, here I come! Let's boogie."

Eddy: "Ready for launch, Ed!"

Ed: "No time for lunch, Eddy, 'cause we are going to Japan!"

[Ed fiddles with the rope. Eddy looks into the sky, seeing nothing but fortune ahead. Jimmy wipes a tear from his eye as he thinks of what he's leaving behind. Ed finally gets the knot undone, and the lamppost unfurls to its full height. Jimmy flies almost as high, but his prodigious weight is too great, and he falls onto his back, crushing Ed and Eddy against the pavement.]

[It is morning of the next day, and Edd and Nat are tending to Ed and Eddy. He unfurls a hospital curtain.]

Edd: "Rise and shine, gentlemen." 

Nat: "And how are we feeling this morning?"

[Ed and Eddy are in body casts. Ed laughs as he toys with the folding bed.]

Edd: "Don't play with the bed, Ed."

Eddy: [drinking tea from a makeshift IV] "I hate tea."

Edd: [opening the window] "You haven't learned a thing, have you, Eddy?" [Whatever else Edd was about to say is cut off by a piercing blast from a whistle.]

Sarah: "Move it, chunky! Is that the best you can do? I want to see some sweat, mister!" [She blows again.]

Jimmy: [on a bicycle, sweating profusely] "I feel like I'm going to explode!"

Eddy: "I just learned something today."

Nat: "You have?"

Edd: [thankful] "Tell me, Eddy!"

Eddy: "We should open up a weight loss clinic! I'd be rich!" [leaning out the window] "Hey! Jimmy! Stupid cast." [He leans out farther.] "Jimmy!" [He leans out too far and ends up buried headfirst in the grass.]

Edd: "Well I certainly learned something today."

Ed: "That Eddy is the man with the plan!"

Eddy: [muffled] "Help!"

Nat: "Hang on Eddy."


	83. Pain in the Ed

[Eddy is pouring glue on his armpits and laughing while Edd cuts out pieces of carpet.]

Eddy: "Hey, what's taking ya?!"

Edd: "I hate it when you do that. Eddy, I have my doubts to the success of using carpeting as means of achieving virility." [He pastes a slice of carpet to Eddy's armpit.]

[Eddy heaves his garage door open and struts out, shirtless.]

Eddy: "Everyone knows hairy pits are a sure sign of manliness, Double D."

[Eddy walks up to Jonny, who is drinking a malt with Plank.]

Jonny: "Wow Eddy! Is that a carpet?" [He laughs.]

Edd: "Well, Jonny seems unimpressed."

[Kevin flips a playing card from his doorstep to a hat lying across the lawn.]

Kevin: "Choice."

Eddy: [looking over the fence] "Hey Ignaroid! Who's more mature now, huh?"

Kevin: [laughing] "The dork's faking puberty!" [He goes inside, cackling like there's no tomorrow.]

Edd: "Goodness."

Eddy: "Jealous! He wishes he had fur like this."

Nazz: [from the street] "Is that carpeting? That's so kindergarten." [She rides off.]

Eddy: "I hate it when they catch on!"

Edd: "It seems underarm growth is a poor excuse for maturity, Eddy." [He starts fishing out his own carpet.]

Eddy: "So now what?"

Edd: [trying to look natural] "Oh! Um, we could call on Ed."

Ed: [carrying a violin and music stand] "Don't bother, Double D, he is not home."

Eddy: "Hey Ed, check out these pits!"

Ed: [getting ready to play] "Nice carpet, Eddy."

[Nat shows up]

Nat: "Hey guys!"

Edd: "Greetings Nat!"

Eddy: [showing of] "Hey Nat what do you think?"

Nat: "Is that a carpet?"

[Eddy growls]

Ed: "Now, let us see. Position and pose starts by fanning your toes and placing your left foot right."

Edd: "Why Ed! I didn't know you played an instrument!"

Ed: "In my mom's dreams I can!"

Eddy: [to Edd] "What's Ed doing with a ukulele?"

Nat: "That's not a ukulele."

Edd: "That's a violin, Eddy. A hand-carved musical tour de force whose delicate tone can emit a diverse range of emotions."

[Ed plucks an out of tune string.]

Ed: "E!" [He hits another sour note.] "G!"

Edd: "A little cat and dog, but–" [Another rotten note.]

Ed: "B!"

Nat: "–with a little practice–" [Another stinker.]

Ed: "D!" [He pauses, then hits another note.] "F!" [The note slams into Eddy's head, and Eddy steals the violin.]

Eddy: "Violins are for sissies."

Ed: "But Eddy, my mom says I gotta practice or–" [Edd takes the violin back to Ed.]

Edd: "Thank you."

Eddy: "Hey!"

Edd: "I'm sure you'll agree Niccolò Paganini is no sissy, Eddy." [to Ed as he takes the violin back] "Go on, Ed, practice. Revel in the violin's resonance."

Eddy: "Get rid of it, Ed!"

Nat: "Go ahead and practice Ed."

[Ed begins to play, honking o."ut sour notes that sound like a duck being strangled. The 1st note orbits Edd and Nat before hitting Eddy square in the forehead.]

Edd: "Very good, Ed. But more allegro, sprightlier if you will."

Nat: "Keep trying Ed."

[Eddy finally manages to pull the note off his head, but gets buried by tons more as Ed honks out the notes faster and faster, pushing out a cacaphony of noise.]

Jonny: [shows up dancing] "Woo hoo, that's a real toe-tapper, Ed! You're giving me and Plank goosebumps!"

[Eddy goes inside to hide from the noise.]

Edd: [cringing with each note] "Bravo, Ed!"

Nat: [also cringing] "You can do it Ed!"

[Eddy enters his bedroom, slams the door, and slumps against it. A few seconds later, he looks up and sees a familiar black hat and white headband hanging over the edge of his chair. Interestingly, the hat and headband has an earmuff over one side.]

Eddy: [spinning the chair around] "Ah ha! I was right! Ed stinks!"

Edd: "Oh come on, Eddy! This is a good thing."

Nat: "And Ed needs our support!"

Eddy: "It sounds like a trapped cat!"

Edd: "And that's why Ed should–"

[Ed enters the room with his stand and violin. He sets up.]

Ed: "Position and pose starts by fanning your toes."

Edd: [trying to hold back Eddy] "Wait, Eddy! Don't interfere with cultural learning!"

Nat: [also holding] "Please Eddy!"

[Eddy throws the violin out of his room. Edd and Nat follow it.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: "Oh dear!"

[Sarah and Jimmy pass Edd and Nat, walking towards Eddy's room and carrying the violin.]

Eddy: [patting Ed] "It's like an elephant's off your back, huh Lumpy?"

Ed: "Tell me a story, Eddy." [Sarah throws the door open.]

Sarah: "Ed! You're supposed to be practicing! Mom said so!"

Ed: [downhearted] "I am so confused!"

Eddy: "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, YOU TWERP!"

Sarah: "MOVE IT!" [She drags Ed outside.]

Nat: "Eddy?"

Edd: "Sarah's here."

[Ed stands on the patio.]

Ed: "See? I am practicing, Sarah. Hang on to your hat." [He begins playing poorly.]

Jimmy: "That's repulsive!" [Sarah drags him around a corner. She whispers in his ear.] "You're as sly as a fox, girlfriend!"

Sarah: "Call me if there's any trouble."

[Eddy breaks the door down onto Ed.]

Eddy: "That's it, I'm smashing that thing into a thousand pieces!" [He raises it above his head.]

Nat: "Please don't!"

Edd: "No, Eddy!" [Edd grabs it.]

Eddy: "Quit butting in!"

Edd: [through clenched teeth] "We seem to have company, Eddy. A direct line to Sarah should anything go amiss."

[Edd points to an empty yard. Jimmy's hand snakes out from behind a fence and picks a flower.]

Eddy: "Really? C'mon, Ed. Let's find a quiet spot and tune that violin."

[The Eds and Nat go to a clearing in the woods. Eddy picks up a cinder block.]

Eddy: "Okay, Ed, let me have it!"

[Ed starts his awful performance again.]

Eddy: "Man, he's bad!"

Nat: [covering her ears] "He just needs practice."

Edd: [covering his ears and face on a tree] "Underneath the bitter rind lies a sweet and succulent fruit, Eddy." [Bark begins to peel off the tree.]

Eddy: "I hate violins!"

Ed: [stopping] "Practice I must, or Sarah my head will bust!"

[Ed starts again. Jimmy, disguised as Little Bo Peep, comes by leading sheep.]

Eddy: "Leech."

[Edd, Nat and Eddy lead Ed down the lane. Eddy has his shoes stuffed in his ears. A baby carriage comes by, and Jimmy peeks out. Eddy whips it back the way it came. He smiles evilly and runs towards Ed. Eddy steals the violin.]

Ed: "Eddy!"

Eddy: "I hate violins!" [He holds it over a rock.]

Nat: "No Eddy!"

Edd: "Don't you dare, Eddy! That instrument has a legacy!"

Ed: "And four strings!" [He takes it back.] "Position and pose starts by fanning your toes and placing your left foot–"

[Eddy kicks Ed's feet out from under him. The violin comes down, and Eddy catches it.]

Edd: "Eddy, wait! The walls have eyes!"

Eddy: "I told you to stay out of this! It's toast!"

Edd: "But E–"

Eddy: "Zip it!"

Edd: "Very well then. Succumb to your lowbrow tactics."

Eddy: "So shut up already!" [Edd smiles.]

Edd: "But before you violate the violin, Eddy, look up into that tree."

Nat: "Not everything is what it seems."

[In the tree is Jimmy, disguised as a bird.]

Eddy: [giving the violin back] "Um, Ed, shouldn't you be practicing?"

Ed: "Look at the size of that bird!" [The real birds fly off, and Jimmy falls out of the tree.] "Aww, it is twitching."

[Ed chuckles. Edd and Nat look at the violin with love in their eyes. Eddy comes up with another destructive plan.]

Eddy: "Let's use a chainsaw!"

Edd: "No Eddy! Think of the consequences!" [He leads Eddy away.] "What if an accident were to befall Ed's violin? And what if this accident were to happen in plain view for Sarah and all to see?"

Eddy: "Oh, I get it! What do I get?"

Nat: "We'll show you."

[There is a giant statue in the cul-de-sac. It seems to be a remake of the Statue of Liberty. Kevin, Nazz, and Rolf look at it.]

Kevin: "What is this?"

Rolf: "Why is the Lady of Liberty looming over the cul-de-sac?"

Kevin: "What an eyesore."

Nazz: "Aw come on guys. I think it's cute."

[Edd and Eddy look out from inside it.]

Eddy: "This better make me happy, Double D." [Ed looks out.]

Nat: "Don't worry Eddy."

Edd: "We'll all have our wish come true after this, Eddy."

[Eddy races to a painted target and looks up. A giant funnel, part of the statue, points down at the target. Eddy moves Ed to the center of the target, where Ed will practice. Nat, using a giant marker, outlines footprints on the street. Edd then takes out a stick of gum, chews it up, and places it in the center of the last footprint.]

Ed: "Position and pose starts by fanning your toes and placing your left foot right." [He begins, and the cul-de-sac's usual business is disrupted. A terrible note bursts the wheels of Kevin's bike into squares, and he tumbles off of the bike, slamming into his front door.]

Nazz: [covering her ears] "Ed! You're giving me a headache, dude!"

Rolf: [stumbling along the footprints] "Save yourself, Double D Ed-boy and quiet Nat-girl! As the single fiendish fiddler of the mountain toys with our mortality!" [He stretches the gum across the street and can't move forward. Edd signals to Eddy. Eddy then rushes to the target, where Jonny is snapping his fingers to the "jazz" of the music.]

Eddy: "Hey Jonny boy!"

Jonny: "Hiya Eddy."

Eddy: "Hey porcupine, I'd like you to meet my pal, Sawtooth Cecil." [He pulls out a saw.]

Jonny: "Look out, Plank! I'll save you buddy!"

[Jonny runs away. Eddy sets up a jack-in-the-box and walks off.]

Jonny: "Back off, Sawtooth Cecil, you bully!"

[Jonny runs into the gum trap. The gum rebounds against him, shooting him backwards. Jonny hits the jack-in-the-box just as it goes off, giving him upward momentum. Jonny lands on a diving board attached to the statue. The diving board bounces him upwards through the ear of Lady Liberty. Jonny lands in a basket and triggers a complex contraption involving a bowling ball.]

Eddy: "Quick! Let's go see!" [noticing Wilfred] "What's with the pig, Double D?"

Edd: "It's a surprise, Eddy."

Eddy: "Sure, I get it!"

[The bowling ball fires out of a trashcan and lands in the funnel. Eddy watches eagerly.]

Eddy: "Go, baby, go!"

[The ball flies out of the funnel's base.]

Eddy: "C'mon, c'mon!"

[Inside, Edd and Nat pet Wilfred. Nat then pulls out a magnet.]

Edd: "I made a special treat for you, Wilfred. A very powerful magnet. Safe to eat, and chock full of essential vitamins for that growing young swine."

[Outside, the ball speeds towards its target.]

Eddy: "It's in the bag!"

Edd: [showing Wilfred out] "Go home now, and don't talk to any strangers."

[Wilfred walks by the music stand. The magnet attracts it, and pulls it along. Ed follows. Just after Ed leaves the target, the ball slams into it, dead center.]

Edd and Nat: "Yes."

Eddy: "It missed!"

Nat: "Oh no!"

Edd: [pretending to be surprised] "Completely! But how could it be? My computations were precise, rigorous, and painstaking. This goes beyond science, Eddy. An unfathomable force has sent us a clear message. That the violin shall not be harmed. That the violin shall be played, and produce wonderful–"

Eddy: [catching on] "It was you!"

Edd: "Me? Why that's the silliest thing I've ever heard."

Eddy: "That's it, the stupid violin's pulp! You hear me?"

Edd: [snatching the violin from Ed] "'Scuse me, Ed." [He keeps a few yards between him and Eddy.] "Okay fine, I confess! It was I that sabotaged the plan! I had to, don't you see? How could I just let you deface this exceptional display of man's contribution to the symphonic arts?"

Nat: "I agree! That's exactly how I feel when I play the piano!"

Eddy: "You double-crosser!" [He chases Edd.] "Wait'll I get my hands on you!"

[Edd trips.]

Edd: "Oh dear!" [He rises. He has crushed the violin. Eddy laughs.] "What have I done?"

Nat: "You were just trying to protect it!"

Jimmy: [as a rabbit] "Egads! I'm telling Sarah!" [singing] "I know what you did! You're in big trouble!"

Ed: "No! Don't tell, little bunny!"

Eddy: "Eh, good riddance. Violins are for sissies. Why, if I played an instrument, I'd get something manly, like a kazoo or something." [His friends look at him.] "What?"

Ed: "Uh, Eddy? Sarah's here." [Sarah grabs Edd and Eddy. Nat gets in between them.]

Nat: "Sarah please don't!"

Eddy: "Pound Double D! He did it!"

Edd: "Oh, Eddy, you started this!"

Eddy: "No, no, wait!"

Sarah: "Ed, come here."

Ed: "Run away!"

Sarah: "ED!" [She chases Ed.]

Eddy: "Run, Ed!"

Edd: [delivering an eulogy] "Fare thee well, oh brave violin. Nevermore to sing the brilliance of Chopin. Nevermore to sound the sonnets of–"

[Ed pulls Eddy's hair. Ed plays Eddy like a violin.]

Ed: "Look baby sister, I am practicing! See?"

Eddy: [in pain] "ED!"


	84. Ed Overboard

May: [about to be beautified by her sisters] "Make me look just like one of them high-fashion whatsits, okay?"

Lee: [crossing her fingers] "You got it, May!"

Marie: [also with crossed fingers] "Yeah, we'll make you look like a buck and a half!"

Lee: "Let's start with ketchup on that barrel of blemishes."

Marie: "And cold cuts will get rid of those shoddy bags under your eyes."

Lee: "One egg, for who knows what!"

Marie: [emptying a pickle jar out on her] "And some Eau de Pickles, for that smell of success!"

Lee: "Massage gently." [She beats the mixture with an eggbeater.]

May: "I feel pretty already!"

Marie: "Now for a quick blowdry."

Lee: "And..."

Lee and Marie: "Ready or not, you're hot to trot!" [They laugh.]

[May looks in the mirror. Her face, and especially her hair, are now a disaster area.]

May: [throwing her sisters out of their room] "I'M UGLY!"

Marie: "So...what else is new?" [A vase comes out and shatters on the floor beside her and Lee.]

Lee and Marie: "AAAH!" [May proceeds to throw things at them in a fit of rampant feminine fury.]

Lee: "Hey!" [They scurry behind the couch.]

May: "You wrecked my natural good looks!" [She fires away.]

Lee: [as the debris of trailer park mortar explodes around them] "She's delusional. I say we rush her!"

[A mounted swordfish cuts through the couch, slicing neatly between them. A foot to the right or the left and the E.R. would have been needed.]

Marie: "Aah!"

[May, looking for stuff to throw, picks up her Ed doll. She looks at it and starts wailing.]

Lee: "Go see what she's doing now."

Marie: "Who died and made you queen?"

[The sound of a punch comes, and Marie shoots up from behind the couch with a black eye.]

Marie: "Aw, she's just bawling." [taunting] "We made the widdle baby cwy!" [A plate hits her in the face.]

May: [through her tears] "Now my man's gonna think I'm a cootie trap!"

Lee: "Whadda you care? You've got a great personality. Besides, who needs good looks when you've got us?"

Ed: [as we stare at some macaroni art] "Oh oh! Look, Double D and Nat, art. I call this one, 'To Noodle or Not to Noodle. [holding up an identical piece] "And this one I will call, 'No More for Me, Thanks, I am a Russian.

Nat: "It looks nice Ed."

Edd: [searching for a compliment] "Well, macaroni art seems to have really brought out your creative side, Ed."

Eddy: "Yeah, just like it brought out all these paying customers who'll–" [sarcastically cheerful] "–just flip for Double D and Nat's Arts and Crafts fair!" [after a short pause] "Two words, Double D. Lame. O."

Nat: "Well I think it's a wonderful idea. I've always wanted to do this!"

Edd: "Thank you Nat, A fool's bolt is soon shot, Eddy. It is well documented that homemade anomalies perk one's curiosity! Can you honestly say that this butterfly we made from common household twaddle isn't delightful?"

Nat: "Absolutely! In fact I would love to hang it in my room."

Edd: "Let me know if you need assistance."

Eddy: "I'm still stuck on that 'fool's bolt' line."

Ed: "Whoops! Guys and girl? I think I glued my head to the table." [His head is, indeed, stuck to the table. Eddy is prepared to laugh.]

Edd: "Oh, Ed, how on earth did you ever–"

Lee and Marie: "Hiya, Ed." [They are standing on either end of Ed's table.]

Ed: "Welp, that's it for me!"

Lee and Marie: "You're coming with us!"

Ed: "Okey-dokey, ladies!" [being carried off] "Um, see ya guys and girl! A lesson in life I am sure to get. Yep, I have seen better days."

Eddy: "Nat why didn't you help him?"

Nat: "Unfortunately the plot demands it."

Edd: [freaking out after the Kankers leave] "DID YOU SEE THAT?"

Nat: "I saw!"

Eddy: [in denial] "Uh, I didn't see anything, did you see something, 'cause I didn't. Kankers? What Kankers?"

Nat: "We have to help him!"

Edd: "Nat is correct, We've gotta do something, Eddy! Ed needs our help! Oh, the horror! One can only imagine the atrocities those lower-lives have planned!"

Eddy: "Just deny everything, Double D, you'll live longer. How about helping me make one of them sissy butterfly things?"

Nat: "We can do that later Eddy! Ed needs our help!"

Edd: [getting an idea] "Help?" [breaking into a relieved grin] "Of course! Help! There's power in numbers, Eddy! Hurry!"

Nat: "Right behind you!"

[Eddy continues to try and make a butterfly as Edd and Nat run off. Edd and Nat grab him and drags him away.]

[A bucket is under a sap pipe. Rolf reaches over and twists the knob. The pipe shakes and lets out a small drop of sap.]

Edd: [bounding up] "ROLF! ED! TROUBLE! KANKER SISTERS! PLEASE!"

[Rolf ignores him and goes to pour the sap into a barrel.]

Nat: "Please help us Rolf."

Edd: [tapping Rolf on the shoulder] "The security of our once peaceful cul-de-sac has been breached. Our dear Ed was just plucked from thin air by those unrelenting Kanker Sisters."

Rolf: [turning around] "Is that so, he who laments at the tip of a hat?" [Rolf jumps into the sap barrel.]

Edd: "Did Rolf just jump into that barrel of tree sap?"

Nat: "Yes he did."

[An oil drum Eddy is leaning on begins to shake, and Rolf appears, in his full Urban Ranger uniform.]

Rolf: "Fear not, as the Urban Rangers will rescue the ninny-hammer Ed-boy!"

Eddy: "Hold that thought, Houdini." [to Edd, ticked off] "Urban Rangers?" [A cow moos loudly. Rolf is summoning his troop by having the cow moo to call them. Jonny enters, running over Eddy. Eddy gets up.] "I hate those–" [Jimmy runs over Eddy en route to the meeting. Like Jonny, he doesn't notice.]

Rolf: "Urban Rangers! Today we must kill the calf, take the bulls by the horn, spear the lion in his den, march up to the lion's mouth, go through the fire and water, and face the music. But, there is no badge."

Jimmy and Jonny: [disappointed] "No badge?"

Jimmy: "Something smells rotten in Denmark."

Rolf: "Don't look at me, as the Ranger Manual will only reward this deed with the–" [pulling out the book] "–Freeing of the Fool pewter medallion!" [His scouts ooh and aah over the medallion.]

Eddy: [irritated] "Oh come on! You guys are so full of yourselves, I can't believe I even thought of joining you stupid has-beens."

Rolf: "Urban Rangers?" [He watches smugly as they go by. When Eddy tries to follow, Rolf stops him.] "So sorry, Ed-boy, but this mission is for Urban Rangers only."

Eddy: [dazed] "Oops! Wrong floor."

Nat: "Can we please come Rolf?"

Edd: "Ed's our friend!"

Rolf: [angrily] "Rangers! Retreat!" [As Jimmy, Jonny and Plank come bounding back, he lectures Edd, Nat and Eddy.] "In order for a muckworm to accompany the Rangers on any official Urban Ranger deed, they must be deputized into Rangerhood. Ranger Jonny!"

Jonny: [giving the vow] "Double D, Nat and Eddy! Do you vow to uphold the secrecy of Rangerhood or face 100 smacks with a wet noodle?"

Jimmy: "Raise your left hand and swear."

Nat: "I do solemnly swear." [She places her hand in the open Ranger Handbook.]

Edd: "I do so solemnly swear." [He places his hand in the open Ranger Handbook. Eddy does not comply. Muttering angrily] "Do it for Ed, Eddy."

Eddy: "I'd swear, but standards won't let me."

[Jimmy slams the book on their hands.]

[Lee is tying Ed to a tree upside-down. Rolf peeks out from some bushes, and his Rangers are quick to look through the same hole.]

Ed: "What do you want from me, she wolf of madness! Set me free and I um–I will give you my macaroni art."

Lee: "I love a man that begs." [to May, offscreen] "Oh May! We gotta surprise for ya!" [May is dragged onto the scene, a cardboard box over her head.]

Marie: "A big and dumb one."

May: "I still ain't talking to you two."

Marie: "Ha! You just did, bonehead." [She shoves May at the tree.]

Lee: "Take a look, May."

[May lifts the box of her head. She sees the frightened Ed.]

May: "It's my boyfriend!" [She dives at him.]

Ed: "Oh help me!" 

Eddy: [laughing] "And to think I almost missed this!" [He collapses to the ground in a fit of laughter.]

Rolf: "Come, Urban Rangers, as destiny calls!"

[A cigar box is being held out.]

Lee: "Okay May! Choose your weapon!" [The box is opened to reveal several broken crayons. May selects the red one.]

Marie: "Let him have it, May!" [May begins drawing on his stomach.]

Lee: "Yeah, show him that you care!" [May has drawn a heart on him. She then stamps his belly with a specially cut stamp reading May Luvs Ed.]

May: "You're mine forevermore." [Ed stops laughing and looks at his stomach.]

Ed: "Wait!" [May grabs him and plants kisses all over his face.]

May: "He's my little pookie bear."

Ed: "NOT POOKIE BEAR! I AM ED!"

[The sisters laugh. Rolf, hiding behind a trailer, signals his Rangers, and they sneak back.]

Ed: [now part of a system where May swings to kiss him] "Help me guys let me go!" [May kisses him.] "Aah!" [again] "Ow!"

Rolf: "Ahem!" [He is standing by a grill.] "Will you look at this. This congealed gristle has marred the once proud searing grill. And how will you ever restore its luster?" [He waits a few seconds.] "A problem, you say? Never! As the Urban Ranger will make it proud once again."

[Rolf sets to cleaning the grill. The Rangers sneak from behind the trailer to another set of bushes.]

Marie: "Is this guy for real?"

Lee: "Real or not, that guy's wearing a uniform!"

Marie: "Dreamy." [She walks towards him.]

May: [having her ears nibbled by Ed] "Ear nibbling will get you five to ten, you animal, you!" [May is actually manipulating Ed's jaw to accomplish the desired effect.]

Lee: [dragging May off] "Hurry up, May, there's a guy in uniform cleaning our barbecue!"

May: "What do I care? I've got a man!" [She lets go of Ed, who snaps back to the tree. Jimmy and Jonny peek out on each side of him.]

Jimmy: "Fret not, Ed! The Rangers have arrived!" [The Rangers set to untying him.]

Ed: "Hooray!" [They duck into the bushes.]

The Kankers: [oblivious to Ed] "What a man!"

Jimmy: [crawling out again] "We can't help you if you're not quiet, silly."

Ed: "Help? Good idea."

Jonny: "Shut it, or I'll give you such a pinch!"

Ed: "Ooh, I know! I can distract them, and you guys go for help!"

Jonny: "We are the help, Ed!"

Ed: [oblivious] "London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down!"

May: [turning to look] "Hey!"

Ed: [as May runs at him] "London bridge is falling down, my fair–" [The sounds of a thrashing are heard. May comes back holding up Jimmy and Jonny. In Jonny's arm is Plank.] "Hey guys, you weren't supposed to get caught."

Lee: "Wait a minute, those guys got uniforms just like this guy!" [She pokes Rolf in the stomach.]

Rolf: [quaking] "T-there was a sale, what can I tell you?" [He backs into a line with the other three. Whispering] "Rangers. Implement evasive maneuvers. Code yellow."

[As the Kankers approach, the Urban Rangers begin to scream. They then fall down one by one, each clutching a lily. The Rangers are imitating a line of dead bodies.]

Rolf: [whispering to his troops] "Stay still. They can smell fear."

Lee: "Get a shovel, May. Looks like we'll have to bury 'em."

May: "Forget it! My boyfriend needs some loving!"

Marie: [pulling May back] "Hey, wait. These guys are faking!" [The Urban Rangers begin to shiver.]

Jonny: [whispering] "I'm gonna wet my pants!"

Eddy: [laughing, still behind the bush] "Busted! Let's go." [He walks away.]

Edd and Nat: [taking a stand] "No!"

Eddy: "I said, let's GO!"

Nat: "No way!"

Edd: "Not without our Ed."

Eddy: "If we get caught, [making a fist] you're gonna get this up the schnozolla."

Edd: "Thank you, Eddy."

[Marie is shaking Jimmy roughly. Lee slaps Jimmy back to the ground.]

Lee: "That's no way to check if they're dead! Mom says you gotta stare at 'em."

[The Kankers stare intensely at the dead Rangers. A bush, carrying shoves and rakes and implements of destruction, moves past. It then goes around the other way, dragging a wagon with Ed's tree in it. The Kankers are concentrating so hard that they don't notice it.]

[A cloth wipes off an "Ed hearts May" tattoo on Ed's arm.]

Edd: "Boy, I hope your skin hasn't absorbed the ink from those pens, Ed. Could be trouble, mister."

Ed: "Didn't you miss me, Double D and Nat?"

Nat: "Of course but we were also worried."

Edd: "Of course we did Ed, don't be silly. Turn around please."

Ed: "Watch my bandage, Double D and Nat." [Ed indeed has a huge bandage on the middle of his back.]

[Nat stares in shock]

Edd: "Good Lord, Ed! Did those troublemaking Kankers hurt you?"

Ed: "Nah. I did that last week."

Edd: "Let me have a look, Ed. It certainly would have healed by now." [He peels the bandage away to reveal a cookie.] "Is that a cookie?"

Ed: "Yep!" [He eats it.] "I saved it."

[Nat makes a disgusted face]

Edd: "THAT IS THE MOST DISGUSTING, IRRATIONAL–" [realizing it's Ed, after all] "–it's nice to have you back, Ed."

Eddy: "I'm just wondering if those Urban Losers will get their 'I'm a Big Pigeon' badge!" [He laughs.]

Edd: [indignant] "At least they tried, Eddy!"

Nat: "I agree!"

[A shadow falls over Ed.]

Ed: "Quack."

Edd: "And to think we just left them with those–"

Ed: "Okay, I am off again!" [He is being dragged away by Jimmy and Jonny. Both have been forced by the Kankers to wear goofy clothes.] "A lesson in life I am sure to get."

Rolf: [face covered with lipstick marks] "Kiss your friend goodbye, as the disgrace inflicted on the bodies of the Urban Rangers shall be avenged! Cowards!"

Edd: "Oh dear."

Nat: "Oh no."

Eddy: [walking off] "That's it, I'm done."


	85. One of Those Eds

[Jonny is walking down the lane. He rounds the corner to the street, and almost immediately comes running back, Eddy hot on his trail. After a brief tussle, Eddy catches Jonny and carries him away.]

Eddy: [carrying Jonny] "Kinda running on empty, aren'tcha Jonny?"

Jonny: [bleary-eyed] "Yep. I'm pooped, Eddy."

Eddy: "Well it's your lucky day, Jonny boy, for we at Ed's Beds have a top notch collection of mattresses for all of your sleep needs. All available for a one-time special low price."

Jonny: "Beds?"

Edd: "That's correct, Jonny. All our mattresses have been fully reconditioned, with a coating of Eddy's very own "They'll Never Know They're Stinking Junkyard Mattresses" paint."

Rolf: "Ed-boys!" [Rolf is at the returns counter, hunched over.] "Your mattress has ruptured Rolf's tailbone! Who is in charge of this double-crossing slumber flim-flammery?"

Eddy: "What's it to ya?"

Rolf: "Return Rolf's money!" [He throws the bed, which is really just a painted wooden board, to the ground.]

Eddy: "Mommy!" [He runs down the lane, away from an angered and aching Rolf. Rolf, although in extreme pain and moving incredibly slowly, manages to catch him and beat him up.]

Eddy: "Ow!" [bruised] "Of all the rotten no-good–how's a guy supposed to get ahead in life if he gives back all the money he suckers?"

[Suddenly Eddy stops and returns to a spot. In the middle of the sidewalk is a gleaming quarter. He tries to pick it up but is unable to. He tries a few more times, attempting to get it done with even more force on each, but the coin refuses to leave the pavement.]

Eddy: [running back to his scam] "Double D? Nat?" [He stops and covers the quarter with his hand.] "Um, Ed?" [He backs away again.] "Guys and girl?"

[Eddy comes back to make sure nobody steals it.]

Eddy: "Stay calm, Eddy. Think think. I know! I'll hide it." [He sights his shoe and places it over the coin.] "Don't go away now. Hey guys!"

[Eddy runs back to his friends. Jimmy appears. He checks to make sure Eddy is gone, and then goes over to the shoe. Jimmy picks up the shoe and looks inside. Finding nothing, he looks down and sees the quarter. He flicks away the shoe and reaches down.]

Jimmy: "I found a lucky quarter!" [Like Eddy before him, he is unable to pick it up.] "Jeepers! You're a tough nut to crack. Guard my coin with your tushy, Mr. Yum-Yum." [He puts the stuffed bear down on the quarter.] "I'll go get some muscle. Sarah!"

[Kevin peeks over the fence. He walks over and picks up Mr. Yum-Yum.]

Kevin: "Looks like Fluffy forgot his stuffed rag. Whoa. Cool."

[Kevin tosses the bear away and casually tries to pick up the quarter.]

Kevin: [sprawled on his back.] "Whoa. Ouch." [twirling a screwdriver] "Tough guy, huh?" [He tries to wedge the screwdriver under the coin, but only succeeds in bending the tool out of shape, rendering it useless.] "Man, that bites."

[Kevin, unhappy, places his hat over the coin and tosses the screwdriver over the fence.]

Kevin: "I'll be back."

Rolf: [rounding the corner from the Lane just as Kevin leaves] "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DINGUS PIERCING ROLF'S HOT WATER SACK?"

[Kevin's screwdriver was, unluckily, thrown into Rolf's hot water bottle.]

[Rolf lifts Kevin's cap.]

Rolf: "Why would Kevin leave his hat on the paved footpath?" [He spots the coin.] "A gift from the gods."

[Rolf puts on Kevin's hat and attempts to pick it up. Unable to do so after straining, he sets to a new method, unseen before.]

Rolf: "Obstinate coin from where I don't know, prepare yourself for an unmerciless beating by Rolf's shoe!"

[Rolf takes off his right shoe and throws it onto the coin.]

Rolf: "Had enough? No? Perhaps a two-shoe beating is more your vocation!"

[Rolf proceeds to use both shoes on the coin.]

Rolf: "Is this a test? Tell me, Lost-of-the-Red-Cent, have you ever experienced–" [picking up Eddy's shoe with his teeth] "–the Almighty Three-Shoe Beating?"

[Rolf starts the torture.]

Rolf: "Take this! Take that! One for the road!"

[When the beating is finished, the coin is still stuck. Rolf goes off, frustrated. On the way, he spits out Eddy's shoe, which lands back on the coin. Eddy rounds the corner, Ed, Nat and Edd in tow.]

Eddy: "I'm telling you, it's just stuck there! Hard as a rock." [The Eds and Nat come upon Eddy's shoe.] "Whaddya think?"

Ed: "Look, a shoe! Do you think it'll fit me?"

Eddy: "Forget the shoe! It's the quarter I want!"

Edd: "At which point every attempt will be made to return it to its rightful owner."

Eddy: [angry] "In your dreams! Finders keepers losers weepers."

Ed: [muffled] "Nice fit, huh Eddy?"

Eddy: "Gimme back my shoe!"

[Nat tries to take the quarter]

Nat: "It's stuck alright."

[Edd examines the quarter while his friends fight in the background.]

Ed: "Nice shoe!"

Eddy: "Give that here, Ed! Ed! Do it now!"

Ed: "Birds of a feather stink together, Eddy!"

Edd: "Can I have some quiet, please? How anyone is to establish a criteria on the adhering capabilities of a twenty-five cent piece is beyond me!"

Eddy: "Let go, you idiot!" [He gets his shoe.] "Ain't you done yet?" [While Eddy is distracted, Ed steals the shoe back.]

Kevin: [ramming a pipe wrench onto the quarter] "Out of the way, Dorky."

Eddy: [jumping on the wrench] "What do you think you're doing?"

Sarah: [pulls Kevin] "Look out, one side!" [She punches Eddy out of the way. Edd and Nat wisely back off.]

Jimmy: "See? That's my lucky quarter, Sarah!"

Rolf: "Back away from there!"

[Rolf throws Kevin, Jimmy, and even Sarah out of the way.]

Rolf: [addressing the quarter] "This time, Rolf will be serious!"

Eddy: [mad at all the people trying to horn in] "It's mine! I found the quarter!"

Kevin: [coming back for more] "Save your breath, losers. That's my quarter."

Sarah: [elbowing Kevin out of the way] "Take a hike. Jimmy found that quarter first."

Ed: "I found this shoe!"

[A brawl ensues. Eddy lands headfirst on Ed's. Kevin's shoe falls off and lands on the sidewalk in front of Edd and Nat.]

Ed: "Shoes for the taking, Double D!" [Ed enters the fight, presumably so he can steal more shoes.]

Eddy: "Hands off my quarter!" [He goes in, knocking Edd down in the process. Nat helps him up]

Edd: [being ignored] "Your attention please. People. I may have a solution to everyone's dilemma."

Jimmy: "[as Ed picks up one of Rolf's shoes] Hey everybody, let's be nice. Shush. Double D's got something to–" [Rolf and Kevin's bodies fly into Jimmy.]

Rolf: "May the onion of agony soil your macaroon!" [Kevin cracks Rolf's back.] "Rolf's back. It has been healed. Thank you, Kevin. But you are a nincompoop, as the coin is mine! Bugaboo!" [Rolf leaps into the fray again.]

Kevin: "Hey, lay off, it's mine!" [He reenters the fight.]

[Edd stuffs cotton in his ears, he gives Nat earmuffs which she puts on. He offers her the air horn which she accepts. She blows the air horn. Everyone stops fighting.]

Kevin: "Dude."

Sarah: "WHADDYA TRYIN TO DO, BLOW OUR HEADS OFF?"

Edd: [unplugging his ears] "Crude, yet effective. Let's begin, shall we?"

[The kids who were fighting for the coin are arranged in a line blocked off by a makeshift velvet rope.]

Edd: "I took the liberty of arranging you in a more orderly and civil manner. The person who succeeds in dislodging this mystical coherent quarter will be appointed trustee, and bask in the glory of found legal tender."

Jimmy: "And I'm first in line!"

Eddy: [at the back of the line] "This stinks, I saw it first! It's my quarter!"

Ed: "If you smelt it, you dealt it, Eddy."

Sarah: "Go on, Jimmy, you show 'em!"

Jimmy: "My trusty eyelash curler will peel off that puppy!"

[Edd unhooks the rope, allowing Jimmy through.]

Nat: "Good luck, Jimmy!"

[Jimmy sets to work, but soon the sounds of a mishap are heard.]

Jimmy: "Aah!"

Sarah: "Jimmy!"

[An ambulance drives off, Jimmy in its back crying.]

Kevin: "Eyelashes ain't the only thing that thing curls!" [He laughs.]

Sarah: [concentrating on the task at hand] "My turn my turn my turn!"

Edd: "Okay, wait, I'll just–"

Sarah: "Outta my way!" [Sarah jumps the rope.]

Eddy: "Oh, no. Look at Sarah work that coin with her big mouth!" [Sarah is indeed grinding her teeth against the coin to try and dislodge it.] "Hey, Sarah! I can see your undies!"

[Kevin and Eddy laugh.]

Kevin: "Nice one!" [Sarah walks away, embarrassed and angry, Kevin approaches the tender.] "Kiss your dreams goodbye, 'cause it's mine." [Eddy creeps to the rope.]

Rolf: "Weasel in the henhouse Ed-boy! You dare cheat Rolf of his frontmost position?"

Eddy: [making up a shoddy excuse] "Front? What are you talking about? The front's that way." [He points in the opposite direction.] "Yeah."

Edd: [threatening] "I've been watching you, and if you think–" [Eddy grabs Edd's feet and shoves them down his throat.]

[Kevin has been using his bike and a hook, attempting to rip the coin off the pavement. The hook suddenly loses its grip on the coin, and the bike shoots off without Kevin.]

Kevin: "My bike!" [He hurries after the vehicle.]

Eddy: "My turn!"

Rolf: [punching Eddy into the pavement] "Rolf is next!"

Ed: [with shoes in his mouth] "Yay Rolf!"

Rolf: "You have messed with the rest, now the best will make a mess, implement of commercial enterprise!"

[Rolf moves to attack, but before he can do anything his back gives out again.]

Rolf: "Rolf's back is cricked yet again!"

Eddy: "My turn!" [He runs up and kicks Rolf out of the way.]

Edd: "Well, that can't be good for Rolf's back."

Nat: "I agree."

Ed: [Rolf's shoe over his head] "The light doesn't get any greener, Double D."

[Eddy is standing on a tree branch. In one had is a snow shovel; in the other, a rope. The rope is tied to a telephone pole. Apparently Eddy plans to swing down, using the snow shovel to pick up the coin.]

Eddy: "You're as good as spent, after I scrape you off with my Shovel of Doom!"

[Eddy leaps from the tree. Everything works as planned, except the shovel does not pick up the coin; the coin's inertia is actually enough to bend the shovel in the middle, rendering it useless. Eddy, meanwhile, goes flying through Ed's pile of shoes and crashes down the sidewalk.]

Eddy: "Okay wait, I got it." [His second plan yields an identical result.] "This time for real." [His third attempt is no charm.] "Ow..." [Eddy attempts many more things, each failing in exactly the same way. The sun goes down, and it is late evening before Edd speaks up.]

Edd: "Eddy, this is obviously not working."

Eddy: "Look at it, Double D! It's just begging us to take it. C'mon, you must have thought of a way to get it by now."

Edd: "Well...yes, I have given it some thought." [Ed puts a shoe on top of his head.]

Eddy: "I knew it!"

Edd: [picking up a huge sheaf of papers] "And they're all here, documented in my proposal for said quarter removal."

Eddy: [taking the papers] "These are your thoughts?"

Edd: "We'll need many supplies! Of course, I'll need help in setting the groundwork."

Nat: "I'll help you Double D."

Eddy: [plucking the shoe from Edd's hat] "Oh Ed!" [He places his shoe over the quarter.] "Stay." [He runs after Edd.] "Wait up, Double D!"

[By starlight, many parts are dragged to the site of the quarter. The Eds and Nat then begin to build. Such things as turbines and shovels are added to the machine. Eddy then starts it, and we see that it is a monstrous, spider-like contraption, which begins to scoop shovelfuls of dirt out of the ground.]

[It is morning. Eddy is sleeping, clutching at a pillar of dirt on which the still-stuck quarter rests. Ed is also snoozing, in one of the machine's shovels. Edd and Nat have fallen asleep at the controls. Jonny comes by and walks in and out of the crater without care as Ed awakes.]

Jonny: "Let's check and see, Plank."

[Eddy, bleary-eyed, looks up. Jonny grabs the quarter and pulls it up, revealing it's stuck to the sidewalk by a pink residue.]

Jonny: "Look! It's still here!" [He lifts the quarter and the residue off the pavement completely.] "And you were right! No one found it under the quarter!" [Edd and Nat awaken. Jonny bites the pink stuff off the bottom of the coin and chews it.] "Bubble gum sure does taste better with age, huh buddy?"

[Jonny pockets the quarter and walks away happily.]

[Nat makes a disgusted face]

Ed: "Is that Jonny? Hello, Jonny." [realizes] "Yum yum bubble gum!"

Edd: "Gum? It was just a wad of–" [He inadvertently pushes a lever.]

Eddy: "Hey! Get back here with my quarter, Melonhead!"

[The lever moves the shovel Ed is in. The shovel knocks Eddy off his perch, and then dumps Ed (along with his stockpile of shoes) into the crater.]

Edd: [still befuddled] "I've heard of squirrels storing their food, but gum? I mean, that's just plain kooky!"

Nat: "I agree"

[Edd steps away from the panel into a puddle.]

Edd: [looking down at his soaked, sock-clad feet] "Oh, for crying out loud–Ed! Could I please have my shoes back?"

Ed: "You snooze, you lose, Double D!"

Eddy: [looking at his bare feet] "What the–Hey! Gimme my shoes!" [He begins chasing Ed.]

Ed: "What can you do when you live in a shoe and you ain't got no sole?"

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "ED!"


	86. They Call Him Mr. Ed

[Ed is seen blindfolded, standing in a backyard.]

Edd: "I have a surprise for you, Ed." [His hand appears, encased in a rubber glove and holding a Chunky Puff.]

Ed: [sniffing] "Fi fi fo fuff, I smell Chunky Puff!"

Edd: "Very good, Ed. And if you can solve your way through my 'Maze of Inevitable Despair'."

Ed: "Ah!"

Edd: "Catchy, isn't it? You'll win a grand prize! A full box of Chunky Puffs. Part of a complete breakfast."

Ed: [ripping off the blindfold] "I can do that, Double D!"

Edd: [pulls out stopwatch] "That's the spirit, Ed! Now remember, solve the maze in the shortest amount of time and claim your Chunky Puffs." [waits a beat] "Go!"

Ed: "Ha ha ha! Wait for me!"

[Ed takes off, plowing straight through the maze, completely wrecking it. Edd watches despondently, realizing he had not accounted for Ed's strategy.]

Ed: [breaking through the final wall] "I win I win! Chunky Puffs!" [He sits down and crams the entire box into his mouth.]

Edd: "Excuse me, Ed? Not that you'd understand the geometry involved in such an endeavor, but–" [suddenly angry] "–that isn't how you go through a maze!"

Ed: [swallowing the box] "Hang on, Double D, I'll think of something!"

[Eddy suddenly puts his head over the fence.]

Eddy: [excited] "Hey ladies! Quit fooling around, cause I came up with the hippest, nowest, most primo plan yet! Are you ready for this? Cause today, we're going nowhere but up!"

Edd: [after a pause] "And?"

Eddy: "And nothing! UP!"

Edd: [confused] "I seem to be floating in a sea of doubt here, Eddy. The dictionary lists several definitions for the word–"

Ed: [interrupting] "Oh, I know! Up!"

Eddy: "Not yet, Ed. C'mon!" [climbs the fence] "Just follow my lead– Up!"

Edd: [to Ed] "Ed, put me down."

Ed: [correcting Edd] "Uh-uh-uh! That's "up", Double D!"

Edd: [resigned] "Of course, what was I thinking."

[A telephone is seen sitting on a desk placed on a driveway. It rings, and Eddy slams his fist on the desk, causing the telephone to leap into his hand.]

Eddy: "Talk to me." [listens to someone on the other end of the line for a few seconds] "Trade it! Buy it! Sell it!" [He hangs up the phone.]

[Nat shows up]

Nat: "Hey guys what's going on?"

Eddy: "Today we are going up!"

[Nat makes a confused face]

Ed: "Up up up!" [enters from the left, bouncing] "Up up up!" [He exits to the right.]

Eddy: "Put some muscle into it, Ed!"

Ed: "You got it, chief! And–" [crouches] "–up!" [shoots up high into the air]

Nat: [looking up] "Wow."

Eddy: "Keep that up, Ed!"

Ed: "Eddy, I'm coming!"

[Ed crashes down into Eddy's desk]

Ed: "I'm okay!"

Eddy: [to Edd, who is building something out of cardboard] "Hey Sockhead! Lumpy here can't stay up!"

Edd: "Well, what a coincidence! In the spirit of up-ness, I've constructed this elevator that I'm sure would be of some help."

Nat: "Awesome!"

Eddy: "Sweet!" [rushes off to try it]

Edd: "I'll probably hate myself in the morning saying this, but– going up?"

[Nat giggles]

Eddy: "Nowhere but!"

Ed: [pushes elevator button] "Pardon me, miss."

[Ed steps into the elevator, where Muzak can be heard. The door closes, and he ascends.]

Nat: "I like what you came up with, Double D."

Edd: "One could say things are looking up, Nat."

[Edd and Nat giggle]

[The elevator reaches its top floor.]

Ed: "Look at me, guys and girl! Am I up?" [steps out of the elevator and plummets to earth] "Ow. I'm okay."

Edd: "I've taken the liberty of compiling a few statistics and drawing up a graph onto this progress chart. As you can plainly see, the index is clearly advancing in an upward direction."

Nat: "Ok."

Eddy: [confused] "Say what?"

Edd: [annoyed by Eddy's dunderheadedness] "We go up, Eddy."

Eddy: "You're a cut up, Double D." [He turns his chair around to reveal Jonny standing beside him.]

Jonny: "Hiya guys and girl! Whatcha doin?"

[Eddy moves his chair to block him. Plank peeps out from behind the chair, and then Jonny's head appears on the top.]

Jonny: [poking Eddy's head] "Ding dong ding dong!"

Eddy: [annoyed] "Hey hey hey! Double D, does the never-ending forehead have an appointment?"

Jonny: "Here I am!"

Edd: "Jonny 2x4 to see Eddy? I'll have a look, shall I?"

[Ed can be seen in the background, working on the elevator.]

Edd: "I'm sorry Jonny, you don't seem to be penciled in. Perhaps later, yes?"

Jonny: "If you say so."

Eddy: [thoroughly annoyed] "Fat chance!"

[It shifts to the elevator. The buzzer dings, and then Ed falls to the ground. He gets up laughing, and then is seen carrying one end of a steel beam into the elevator. This goes on for a few seconds, until it is revealed that Ed is carrying it at the other end as well.]

Edd: [leading Jonny away] "Patience, Jonny. Here at Ed Co., opportunities come up in a blink of an eye. [Edd hands him a business card] Stay in touch."

Jonny: [impressed] "Gee, Plank, Double D's got a card."

Nazz: [coming up to Jonny with Jimmy] "What's going on, Jonny?"

Jonny: "Beats me, but it's way cool!"

[Six phones, all of them ringing, are now on Eddy's desk.]

Eddy: [talking on one of them] "No problemo. Gotta go." [slams it down and picks up the next one] "Ed Co." [waits a beat] "What part of 'up' don't you understand?" [hangs up and picks up third phone] "You're. Fired." [somebody's mumbling is heard] "I'll call you right back, Mom." [to Edd, who is in front of his desk] "What's up, Double D?" [Nazz comes out from behind him]

Nazz: "Hi Eddy. Can I join- uh- this- whatever you're doing?"

[Eddy sweats profusely, and one of his hairs spontaneously develops a cowlick. He then develops a huge grin.]

Nazz: "Is this like, a quiz or something?"

Eddy: "You got spunk." [sticks out his hand, which is dripping with sweat] "Welcome to Ed Co."

Nazz: [shaking hands with Eddy] "Ed Co.? Cool!"

Edd: [pulling a sheet of tape off the screen] "Door: Updated." [his face is seen through a door reading "Mr. Eddy, EDCO Inc." He then leans down to the driveway, which has tape on it] "Office walls upgraded. And–" [looking at the reception area] "–reception uplifting." [Ed can be seen in the background running down the side of the elevator, which has grown much larger] "Quite an upturn, if I do say so." [He throws a piece of crumpled paper at the trash. It goes in.] "Nice upshot."

Nat: "It looks great!"

Eddy: [opening the door into Edd's face] "Hey Nazz, get me Mr. D." [He closes the door.]

Edd: "Ow."

Nazz: [reading a magazine] "Mr. D, I think Mr. Eddy's looking for you."

Edd: [somewhat dazed] "Thank you."

[In Eddy's office, Eddy is pacing back and forth. Edd enters.]

Edd: "Looking for me, sir?"

Eddy: [abruptly] "Park it." [he points to a stool in the corner]

[Edd sits on the stool while Eddy sits in his chair. There is an awkward silence. Ed then comes running out from behind the elevator and runs into an invisible wall where the tape is, sliding to the ground.]

Ed: [nonchalantly] "Forgot about the wall." [he runs off]

Eddy: "Listen up. We need an up-and-comer, Mr. D. A go-getter to push this plot along.

Edd: [proudly] "Look no further, Mr. Eddy, I'm up and ready to–"

Eddy: [interrupting] "Get me Jimmy."

Edd: [taken aback] "Jimmy?" [let down] "Uppercut." [he leans out of the office] "Miss Nazz, page Jimmy for me, would you?"

Nazz: [filing her nails] "Sorry, Mr. D, but I'm up to my neck with filing."

Edd: [sarcastically] "Of course you are." [He turns to Nat] "Miss Nat, If you please?"

Nat: "Of course!" [pulls out bullhorn] "Jimmy! You're up, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: [excited, hugging Jonny] "That's me, Jonny, me!" [running into the office] "I'm coming, I'm coming! Whee!"

Edd: "It's all up from here, Jimmy!"

Jonny: [abruptly showing up behind Edd] "We're next!"

Edd: "Well, you certainly have the Ed Co. attitude, Jonny." [in the mailroom] "I think the mailroom's right up your alley."

Jonny: "Wow!" [begins stuffing mail in the slot marked "Up"] "I'm liking this, Mr. D!"

Edd: "Good! Keep it up!"

[In Eddy's office, Jimmy is being held by the cheeks at arm's length by Eddy.]

Eddy: [to Jimmy; they have apparently finished negotiations] "So, you up for it?"

Jimmy: "I'm your boy!"

Eddy: [tossing Jimmy away] "Make me proud!"

Edd: [placing coffee on his desk] "Espresso, Mr. Eddy? I understand this is the beverage of choice for the upwardly mobile. To 'upness'." [he gets another cup] "Miss Nat?"

Nat: "Thank you Mr. D."

[They sip their cups of coffee. Eddy does a spittake when he realizes how it tastes, whereas Edd turns green but swallows. Nat slightly cringes.]

Edd: "Well that was an upturn for the worst."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "I almost upchucked!" [they share a laugh] "Alright alright, get back to work."

[Ed is seen holding a fishing pole. He starts reeling in something on the other side.]

Ed: "Upsa-daisy!"

[He is reeling in a tank of live fish. This tank is on the ground, and he is apparently fishing from the top of the elevator. Jimmy wanders in from the left, wearing oddly shaped glasses and holding color strips.]

Jimmy: [looking at both the strips and the reception area] "Hmm. Ah-ha!" [places a vase of flowers on the receptionist's desk] "Uplifting!"

[It shows what Jimmy has done. Among the new additions to the reception area are several plants, a water cooler, a fountain, and a couch. Also, there can be seen in Mr. Eddy's office several signs pointing up.]

Nazz: "Cool, Jimmy, you've really spruced up this place."

Jimmy: "Motif is the key to an organic work environment, Miss Nazz."

Jonny: [bursting in] "Mail call!"

Nazz: "Thanks Jonny." [she looks silently at a photo of what appears to be part of a plank] "What is this?"

Jonny: "Plank photocopied his butt!"

[Jonny, Jimmy, and Nazz share a giggle.]

Rolf: "Life is good, yes Victor? As Rolf, the son of a shepherd, now protects his own flock of simpleminded creatures."

[Rolf and Victor are in a box labeled security. The rather rough voice of Kevin breaks through the peace.]

Kevin: "What's with the Car 54 get-up, Rolf?" [laughs] "Afraid somebody might steal your box?"

Rolf: [angrily] "Rolf is keeper of security! State your business."

Kevin: "Chill, amigo, I was just–

Nazz: [from inside Ed Co.] "Later, guys."

Kevin: "Whoa, there's Nazz." [in a louder voice] "Yo, Nazz!" [He tries to crawl under the security gate, but is pulled back by Rolf.] "Hey, what gives?"

Rolf: "Have you permission to enter?"

Kevin: "Permission? I just wanna say hi to Nazz."

Rolf: [questioningly] "Spindle-shanks Nazz girl?" [He thinks about it. Then, grudgingly] "Okay, but hold your tongue, and say nothing of this, yes?"

Kevin: "Whatever." [He enters the business.]

[As Kevin walks up the drive, Ed is seen carrying more materials to the elevator. It shifts to inside Eddy's office.]

Eddy: "Progress report, Mr. D!"

Edd: "Well, Mr. Eddy, morale is up, efficiency is up, employee productivity is–" [sees Kevin coming up the driveway] "–not good not good not good not good not good not good!" [to Eddy] "Kevin's walking down the driveway!" [The house of cards Eddy has been building abruptly crumbles.]

Kevin: [leaning on Nazz's desk] "Talk to me, Nazz. How about you and me go down to the lane and–" [turns to see he's facing Edd]

Edd: "What's up, Kevin?"

Kevin: "Up? What's it to ya? I was just getting down with Nazz."

Edd: "No down here, Kevin, why it's only up up up at Ed Co." [he presses a button located on the underside of the receptionist's desk]

Kevin: "Ed Co.? Sounds like a downer to me."

Rolf: [performing security duties] "Up and away with you, as Rolf must uphold the law!"

Kevin: "You're going down, dude." [manages to flip Rolf over]

Rolf: "May you break out in laughter and pass a turnip from your nose!" [pulls Kevin down]

Kevin: "Why you–"

[They begin to fight. The watercooler and a plant are thrown. Eddy then appears at the door to his office. He opens it.]

Eddy: "What's this uproar about?" [Rolf is thrown into the door, knocking it over.] "Get up, Rolf! What do I pay you for, anyway?"

Rolf: "Pay?"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: [recognizing disaster] "No, Eddy!"

Nazz: [realizing] "Hey, what about our pay?"

Eddy: [remembering he isn't paying anybody] "Oops." [finding a scapegoat] "That's Mr. D's department." [whispering to Edd] "Chat 'em up, Sockhead."

Edd: [sweating profusely] "Well, let's see. Ed Co. is a nonprofit organization?"

[Nat facepalms and sighs]

Eddy: [confident] "See, I–" [suddenly understanding and completely freaked out] "–NO PROFIT?"

Kevin: "Down for the count, dorks."

[The rest of the kids walk off.]

Jimmy: [running away in tears] "My artistic vision! Sullied! I'm so downhearted!"

Nazz: "Downright lame, if you ask me."

Rolf: "Downtrodden rabbit radishes! Come, Victor!"

Jonny: "Hey, guys! Did everybody get to see Plank's butt?"

[Edd, Nat and Eddy stand looking out into the street. The Ed Co. offices are completely destroyed. The fountain is broken, with water squirting all over; in it can be seen a trashcan. The plants' pots have all been smashed against the pavement, and the desks and chairs are all destroyed. As the duo look out into the street, a banner hung on the garage reading "Edco Inc." comes undone at one end and flutters down.]

Edd: "I'm afraid it's downhill from here, Eddy."

Eddy: [desperate] "Nowhere but up, Double D!"

Nat: "Not this time Eddy."

[Ed comes on the scene carrying a boat to the elevator and whistling.]

Eddy: "Ed! What are you up to?"

Ed: "Uh–Is that a quiz or something?"

Eddy: "Quick! The elevator!" [with all three Eds in the elevator] "Up! Nowhere but, remember?"

Nat: [looking up] "Guys I dont think-"

[Eddy presses the button to start the elevator]

Ed: "Oh goodie!"

Nat: "Oh no."

[The elevator climbs up a number of things, some of which it would be impossible to pass through, before reaching its peak. Eddy and Edd climb out of a microwave, which sits next to a fridge.]

Edd: [gasps]

Eddy: "What are you waiting for?" [shoves Edd out onto the ledge]

Edd: "Ed! What have you been up to?"

Ed: [opening the fridge door, knocking Edd off the ledge] "Is this up or what?"

Edd: "Help!" [it is shown that he is clinging to the moon] "Don't just stand there, do something!"

Eddy: [in shock] "Ed! Why we're–" [recognition dawns] "–up! Super up! You did it, Lumpy!"

Edd: "Is this what you did all day, Ed?"

Ed: "I was making up, Double D!"

Eddy: "This is as up as you can get, Ed!"

Ed: "Thank you very much."

[The moon starts to shake.]

Edd: "Oh dear."

[The moon tips over, smashing into the elevator and demolishing it.]

Eddy: [desperate] "Change of plans, boys. I wanna go down!"

Edd: "I wanna go down!"

Ed: "I want to go down!"

Edd: "Help! Get me down!"

[A hook shows up and grabs the moon. Nat shows up.]

Nat: "Come on."

[The Eds hold onto Nat]

Nat: "Please try not to scream."

Edd: "Why-"

[Nat lets go and all four of them pummel to the ground, The Eds screaming all the way. They suddenly stop and they gently stand on the ground. She retreats her hook.]

Nat: "I tried to warn you."


	87. For the Ed, by the Ed

[Plank is flying around, a cape tied to his back. He is pretending to be a superhero. A sudden cry for help catches his and Jonny's attention.]

Jimmy: "Leave me alone! You bullies! No! You're stretching my top!" [Jimmy is in the middle of the lane, being bullied by the Kanker sisters.]

Marie: "Hey, May! Got that bug?"

May: "You bet!" [holding up a caterpillar] "Let's make him eat it!"

The Kankers: "Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!"

[Jimmy clamps his hands firmly over his mouth. Marie reaches around and moves the retainer so that it holds Jimmy's mouth open.]

The Kankers: "Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!"

Jonny: "Here I come!" [Plank sails over the fence.]

May: "What the heck is that?" [Plank hits her in the face and somersaults up and into Lee's hair.]

Lee: "Uuuh! Get it out, Marie, get it out!"

Marie: "All right, hold still. Let me see." [Jimmy tries to creep away but is confronted by the villainous caterpillar.]

Lee: "Hurry it up!"

Marie: "Quit being such a crybaby. May, get over here!"

May: [getting up to run toward her sisters] "Let me try!" [Before she reaches them, Plank comes out of Lee's hair.]

Lee: "Is it out? Is it out?"

[Plank lands in May's path. May steps on the board and slips, tumbling into her sisters.]

Jimmy: [as the bug continues towards him] "Oh no! Somebody do something! It's gonna touch me!"

[Plank lands in the caterpillar's path, averting disaster.]

Jonny: "Woo hoo! Super Plank saves the day!"

Super Plank:

Jimmy: [holding up Plank] "My hero!"

Jonny: "He pulverized them! What are we waiting for? Let's go tell everybody!" [They run by the dazed Kankers, who are lying in a pile.]

[The Eds and Nat are drinking sodas in a backyard.]

Eddy: "So all we gotta do is empty all these bottles and cash 'em in for a refund. Check Ed out. He knows the drill."

[Ed is guzzling two bottles. He finishes them and belches.]

Eddy: "Good one, Ed!" [They belch, then look at Edd expectantly.]

Edd: "You've got to be kidding."

Ed: [after an expectant pause] "Aw, come on, Double D!"

Eddy: "He can't. He's too chicken!"

Ed: "Blow a big one! C'mon! You can do it!"

Eddy: [at the same time] "Chicken! Bu-bu-buckaw!"

Edd: "Small things amuse small minds, I suppose." [He attempts it, but only makes a small a quacking noise. The same thing happens on subsequent tries.]

Eddy: [collapses to the ground with laughter.]

[Nat smiles]

Ed: [patting a blushing Edd on the head] "There there, little man. There's plenty to be ashamed of."

Nat: "Ed!"

Jimmy and Jonny: "Plank is our hero!" [They run by, holding Plank aloft.]

Jimmy: "Plank is the king of the cul-de-sac!"

Jonny: "You got that right!"

Jimmy and Jonny: "Plank's our hero, Plank's the king!"

Nat: "Goodbye!"

Edd: "Fare thee well, King Plank!"

Eddy: [disgruntled] "King? Plank? If anyone is king around here, it's me!"

Ed: "Plank makes for a good ruler!" [He runs after Plank.]

Eddy: "Get back here! I'm the king, and you know it! I demand a vote! Kings have to be elected, you know."

Edd: [after digesting this latest evidence of Eddy's stupidity] "I'm sorry Eddy, but that's incorrect. Kings are born into nobility through an eclectic lineage spanning generations."

Eddy: [assertively] "I want an election!"

Edd: "You do?" [happily] "Why, just the thought of implementing a democratic system within the confines of suburban living is." [He belches and turns red. Eddy and Nat grin.]

Edd: "Please excuse me!"

Nat: [smiling] "You are excused."

Ed: "An angel just got its wings, Double D."

[Rolf is holding his breath while Kevin times him with a stopwatch.]

Jonny: [holding Plank up] "Check Plank out!"

Plank:

Jonny: "He's the king of the cul-de-sac!"

Jimmy: [to Sarah and Nazz] "Oh Sarah, it was so divine! In just one day, Plank saved me from three evil witches and a creepy-crawly!"

Plank:

Nazz: "That's awesome, Jimmy."

Sarah: "Hooray for the King!"

Rolf: [frightened] "A wooden board saved you from three evil witches and a creepy-crawly?" [running away] "MAMA! THE FAIRY TALE THAT HAUNTS ROLF HAS COME TRUE!"

Edd: [through a megaphone] "Hear ye, hear ye! Your attention, please! An election has been declared! A great opportunity is at hand, people! A candidate has come forth to seek the office of King of the cul-de-sac. I introduce to you, for your consideration, Candidate Eddy!"

[Eddy comes in on a wagon towed by Ed. He is wearing a giant top hat. If we didn't know better, we'd say that the Flying Eduardo Brothers were back.]

Eddy: "Keep it down, folks. There's plenty of me to go around."

Kevin: [unimpressed] "Pa-thetic."

Edd: [clapping] "Yes indeedy."

Ed: "Free buttons!" [He throws the hard plastic buttons at the electorate, showering them.] "Vote for Eddy! Wear 'em while they're hot!"

Sarah: [fed up] "QUIT IT, YOU IDIOT!"

Edd: [plucking a button from her hair] "Let me help you with that, Sarah. I'd be very thankful if you showed your support."

Nat: [to Edd] "I'm having trouble putting mine on, can you please help me?"

Edd: "O-Oh of course!" [he nervously puts it on Nat]

Eddy: [to Jonny] "Vote for me, you big bald-headed badger!" [He gives Jonny a noogie.]

Edd: "Candidate Eddy! Voters need to see compassion, leadership, and sincerity."

Nazz: [probably the only informed voter] "Dude, do you have a platform or what?"

Eddy: [confused] "Uh..." [asking Edd, under his breath] "Platform? What's with that?"

Edd: [holding up note cards] "I took the liberty of writing a speech, sir!"

Eddy: "Aide."

Ed: [placing Eddy on his shoulders] "Upsa-daisy your sinus."

Eddy: [giving his speech] "If elected as King of the cul-de-sac, infraction will be a thing of the gas!"

Edd: [hissing] "Inflation will be a thing of the past, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Huh?"

Edd: "Inflation, Eddy!" [Eddy flips through the speech.]

Kevin: "Snoresville! This is so lame."

Eddy: [tossing the speech away] "You're right. Let's cut to the chase. If you vote for me instead of that stick, you get jawbreakers for free. For life! Eh?"

Nazz: [departing] "Well, that was a hoot."

Sarah: [leaving] "Fathead!"

Kevin: [leaving with everyone else] "Man, he's so desperate, I swear!"

Eddy: "I'm the king! You'll see." [He climbs off Ed's shoulders. After a brief pause, he releases his fury by tossing his hat to the ground and stomping on it. He then hands the crushed hat to Edd.] "There's gotta be a way of takin' Plank out." [Edd pulls on the "King" button, and the hat reverts to normal.] "I got it! Let's dig up some dirt on that clapboard!"

Edd: [suspicious] "A political scandal?" [outraged] "Your rash attempt at disgracing the moral sensibilities of an innocent, good-natured cut of timber have fallen on deaf ears, mister! Count me out."

Nat: "That's wrong Eddy."

Eddy: "What, I was just kidding. That would be so...wrong." [He pulls Ed away.]

[Eddy is pacing in the lane. He has been there so long, he has worn a groove where he walks. A door suddenly is put on the lane side of a fence accompanied by a knock.]

Ed: "Who's there?" [He opens the door, a bag in his hands.]

Eddy: [as Ed opens the bag] "C'mon, let's see, what'd you get, what'd you get?!"

Ed: "Boy, did I get some dirt, Eddy!"

[Eddy grabs the bag and empties it out. What he finds are a shattered flowerpot, a wrecked plant, and a WHOLE bunch of dirt.]

Eddy: "This is dirt!" [holding up the plant] "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS? IT'S DIRT!" [The dirt at the base of the plant crumbles, revealing a photo.] "What's this?"

Ed: "Can I see, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Photographic proof! Plank's a goner."

Ed: [staring at the picture] "I would hide this too if I had done that!"

[Eddy laughs evilly.]

[A voting station is set up outside someone's house. Edd comes out of the house with Nat and shovels some warm cookies onto a plate.]

Nat: "These cookies smell wonderful! May I try one?"

Edd: [handing her one] "You may."

[Nat takes the cookie and bites into it, her eyes lit up.]

Nat: "Wow this cookie taste amazing!"

Edd: [slightly blushing] "I-I'm glad you enjoy it."

[The kids come running up. Edd snaps out of it.]

Edd: "In celebration of Election Day, I've baked homemade cookies. For those of you about to vote."

Rolf: [pinching his nose shut] "Why does Rolf smell the odor of Nano's decaying toenails?" [Edd's smile turns to a frown, accompanied by an annoyed moan.]

Nat: "Rolf that's disrespectful." [Edd smiles again]

Eddy: "STOP THE PRESSES! Looks like your king's got something to hide from you guys. Check out this photo!"

[Eddy shows the picture to the kids.]

Kevin: [entertained] "Choice!"

Jimmy: [scared] "I'll never look at the hunk of wood the same way! My hero's a flake!" [He sobs.]

Kevin: "Your hero's a zero!"

Rolf: [confused] "Is it not just a piece of wood?"

Jonny: [trying to protect Plank] "HOW THE HECK DID YOU GET THAT PICTURE?!"

Eddy: [keeping the photo away from Jonny] "I'll never tell. Aide?" [He gives the picture to Ed, who holds it hostage.]

Jonny: "Give it back, that's Plank's property! Please, Ed!"

Ed: "Okey-dokey!" [He hands the picture to Jonny.]

Jonny: [begging for mercy] "So Plank made a mistake! We all got skeletons in our closet. What's he got to do to prove he's a good Joe?"

Eddy: "Ask not what he can do for the cul-de-sac, baldy, ask what I'm gonna do to him once I win this election!"

Edd: "Candidate Eddy!" [He seethes.]

Eddy: "The public has a right to know the truth, Double D. 'Cause the truth makes them vote for the right guy."

Kevin: "Got that right, Abe. Where do I vote?" [The ground shifts under him.] "What the–?"

Ed: [holding a shovel, on which Kevin is standing] "Right this way, mister!" [He shovels Kevin into the polling booth.]

Edd: [hustling over with the plate] "Don't forget your cookie!" [Kevin takes one.] "You'll find a napkin by the ballot, Kevin."

Ed: [with a shovel full of kids] "Got another one, Double D!"

Edd: "Ed, please! The voting booth is a private refuge where choice can be made free from persuasion! One voter per–ahem–shovelful, thank you." [As he rambles, Kevin comes out of the booth and sneaks another cookie.]

Nazz: "I guess I'm next." [She walks in.]

Eddy: "And don't forget, vote for King Eddy!" [He pulls out a foam finger that says "Vote Eddy!".]

Edd: "Eddy, you're pressuring the voters!"

Eddy: "Don't you have a pal to vote for?" [He flicks Edd towards the ballot booth.]

Nat: "I'm next." [She takes a cookie and walks in the booth. She then comes out.]

Ed: [grabbing the plate of cookies] "My turn!" [He puts the shovel under his butt and walks in.]

Edd: "Ed! You be careful in there."

Eddy: "Don't forget to vote for your pal there, Lumpy. 'Cause he's the man. Right there, Jonny boy?" [Jonny walks by wordlessly.]

[Edd enters the ballot box, which now has many flies congregating around it. Ed has apparently voted.]

Edd: [as the kids discuss the election] "Now, then, has everyone voted?"

Nat: "I did."

[Eddy is in the ballot box, cackling evilly. He begins pulling ballots from his sash and stuffing the box with them. Edd peeks in at him.]

Edd: [holding another ballot box] "Luckily I anticipated your shenanigans, and swapped the official ballot box for a mock-up." [grabbing a vote] "Only one vote per person, thank you."

Edd: [behind a desk] "People of the cul-de-sac." [He bangs a gavel.] "I call this election to a close, and will tally your votes for whom you have really chosen as our king of the cul-de-sac. Our first vote goes to...Eddy."

Eddy: "Bingo!"

Edd: "Next, we have one for Plank!"

Plank:

Jonny: "Right on!"

Edd: "Ooh, and another for Plank! And one for...Rolf?"

Rolf: "Thank you."

Edd: "Yes, well...and here's another one for...Plank!"

Plank:

Edd: "Yes, and Plank again. Another vote for Plank! One more for Plank. And last but not least..." [He holds up a cookie.] "Um, we seem to have a spoiled ballot. Cookies don't count, I'm afraid." [back to the election] "It's unanimous! Majority rules! I hereby name Plank King of the cul-de-sac!" [The kids cheer.]

Ed: "Yeah! Way to lose, Eddy!"

The Kids: [carrying Plank on their shoulders] "Yay, way to go! Plank's the king of the cul-de-sac!"

Eddy: [to Edd] "I WANT A RECOUNT!"

Edd: "But Eddy, you only got one vote."

Eddy: "Ed! Who'd ya vote for?"

Ed: "The cookie, Eddy!"

Eddy: "One, huh?" [He does some calculations as Edd tries to creep away.] "Hey, wait a minute!"

Edd: [in the ballot box] "Friends as we are, I had to vote for Plank, Eddy! Nothing personal. You understand, don't you?"

Eddy: [leaping into the box] "Double crosser!"

Edd: [while being beaten up] "Please, Eddy! It's part of the democratic process!"

Nat: "Eddy don't hurt him!" [She leaps in the box]

Ed: "Dogpile!" [He leaps into the booth. Eddy, Nat and Edd are quickly thrown out, and Ed fights with himself.]

Edd: "Well, Ed seems to be celebrating his independence."

Nat: "It seems so."

Eddy: "I hope he gets a concussion."


	88. Little Ed Blue

[A movie, "The Hunt for Edosorus" starts. Credits roll to the sound of pedal-steel guitar. The movie stars Eddy, was directed by Eddy, and features Edd, Nat and Ed (Their slide is upside-down). The movie starts. It is paleolithic times. Ed, as a dinosaur, comes onscreen menacingly.]

Jimmy: "Holy mackerel!"

[Ed is chased away by a club-wielding caveman–Eddy. A cavewoman (Nat) comes onscreen, and Eddy flexes for her.]

Sarah: "Oh brother."

[Suddenly, Jonny's giant head eclipses the screen. The music begins to sound choppy, as Edd and Nat, who are providing it live, cannot see the action and thus can't play.]

Sarah: "Jonny, you blimphead! Move it or lose it!" [She knocks him down.]

[Eddy opens his fist and chuckles.]

Eddy: "Pay for Ed-day! There's big cash in showbiz, Double D and Nat! Unless you're on cable. Ha!"

Kevin: "What a rip! This is so lame, I'm ready to heave!"

Eddy: "A troublemaker!" [He rushes to Kevin's chair.] "Is there a problem here, patron?"

Kevin: "This movie sucks eggs, so gimme back my money." [Eddy gasps.]

Eddy: [nervous] "Have some popcorn, Kevo! On the house!" [He stuffs a bag into Kevin's mouth.]

Sarah: "Why's he get free popcorn? I want free popcorn!"

[Eddy groans and goes off to get the concession for Sarah. Rolf, seeing this, longingly looks at Nazz's popcorn. He reaches his hand in to take some. At that moment, Nazz reaches for popcorn and grabs Rolf's hand. She stuffs it into her mouth.]

Rolf: [apologetically] "A discharged niblet for Rolf?"

[Nazz glares and punches him out in the seats. Edd and Nat watch as Rolf goes flying.]

Rolf: "Son of a shepherd."

[Eddy grabs a bag of popcorn from next to a popcorn machine and adds it to a pile he's carrying.]

Eddy: [sarcastic] "I want free popcorn, I want free popcorn. What do I look like, some popcorn fairy?"

[Eddy turns to give the popcorn to the moviegoers and trips over a prone Rolf. The popcorn goes flying.]

Jimmy: "My eyes!" [The bags have landed on Jimmy.] "This butter substitute is stinging my eyes!"

Kevin: "Now that's entertainment!"

Sarah: "Mind your own beeswax!" [She throws her drink at him.] "Aw, did Kevin go boom?"

Kevin: [getting up] "Right." [Edd and Nat look nervous.] "FOOD FIGHT!"

Nat: "Oh no."

[A rumble breaks out, popcorn and soda flying everywhere.]

Sarah: "You missed!"

Edd: [trying to calm the ruckus] "People, please! Let's not behave like children!"

Kevin: [holding a drink] "Yo Rolf, think fast!" [He cocks his arm, and Rolf tackles him.]

Rolf: "Too slow!"

Edd: "Eddy, do something!"

Eddy: [handing out concessions and collecting quarters] "Are you kidding me?" [He ducks to avoid a drink.] "I'm making a killing here, Double D!" [Jimmy hands over a quarter and gets more ammo.]

Jonny: [untouched by the war] "Far out! Look, Plank. 3D!"

[An angry Ed stands in front of the movie.]

Nat: "Ed? What's wrong?"

Edd: "Is something the matter?"

Eddy: "Well, look who decided to join us."

[The sounds of a tussle emanate from the garage.]

Eddy: "Ed! What's the matter with you?! Put me down!" [Ed heaves the garage door open and carries the kids out.]

Edd: "Ed please!"

Sarah: "ED!"

Jimmy: Put me down!" [Ed drops everyone on his driveway]

Ed: [yelling angrily] "Away with you! Unwanted pesterers!"

[The kids look at him, surprised by this unusual behavior. Sarah gets up out of the middle of the pile.]

Sarah: "ED! You listen to me, mister! You can't kick me out! [yells] I LIVE HERE TOO!"

Ed: [yells back in Sarah's face] "SO MOVE!"

Sarah: [backing up in fear] "Heh. Heh. Okay, we better go." [The kids disperse.]

Kevin: "You read my mind."

Jonny: "Catch you on the rebound, slick!"

Edd: "Is it me, or is Jonny's vocabulary deteriorating?"

Nat: "I don't think it's you."

Eddy: [angry] "I was holding 'em big time with that food fight! Till Mister Happy shows up and ruins everything." [Ed grumpily heaves the garage shut and walks down the street.] [mockingly] "Hey Grumpula! Wake up on the wrong side of those stale socks of yours? [angry about being ignored] Hey Sourpuss!" [Ed walks on.]

Edd: "A dark cloud seems to be hanging over Ed's head, Eddy. Our friend is a mere shell of the awkward, unvarnished, dunderhead we know and love. It's our duty to see Ed through this plague of grief."

Nat: "I agree."

Eddy: "Ah, the guy's a big baby. He's probably just got gas."

[Ed sits alone on a stump in the park. His friends arrive.]

Nat: "Ed are you ok?"

Edd: "Is there anything we can do to make you feel better?"

Eddy: "Hey Nat and Double D, is that a lump on a log?" [He chuckles. Ed picks up the stump and turns away.]

Edd: "Ed certainly is long in the face, Eddy."

Eddy: "That's 'cause he doesn't have a chin, Einstein."

Ed: [yelling angrily] "SHUT UP!" [His friends are left shocked as he turns back around, now blushing red in the face.]

Eddy: [furious that Ed actually yelled at him] "YOU SHUT UP!"

Edd: "Eddy, please!"

Nat: "Ed's having a bad day!"

Eddy: "Ed's a wuss. Hey Rumpled Forehead!" [Eddy goes to stand next to Ed.] "I'll give you till three TO GET OVER YOURSELF. One!–smile, you miserable little–Two!–snap out of it, ya–"

Ed: [grabbing Eddy by his face] "You torment me!" [He throws Eddy against a tree, and the tree breaks in half.]

Eddy: "I'm hurt now."

[Edd brings out a stool and sits by Ed. He is going to try compassion.]

Edd: "Ed?" [He touches Ed's shoulder and looks disgusted. He begins to clean the jacket.] "Do you know what I like when I'm feeling crabby?" [He finishes cleaning.] "A big hug to squeeze those cares away!" [He hugs Ed.]

Ed: [shoving Edd away] "Touch me again and I will squash you!"

Eddy: [mockingly] "Way to go, Mr. Sensitive. A hug. Oh, that's rich."

Nat: "Ed can you please tell us what's wrong?" [Ed just glares at Nat. She looks down sad]

Edd: "Ed? If you care to share your feelings, I want you to know I'll be right here for you, my friend."

Nat: "Me too."

[Edd and Nat notice that Ed is scraping the bark off the stump using just his fingers. Ed turns and looks at them, doom in his eyes.]

Edd: "Well, let's leave Ed to gather his thoughts, Nat. A little self-introspection may do him a world of good. Coming, Eddy?"

Eddy: "What're ya gonna do now, knit him a sweater?"

Nat: "Great idea!"

[Edd is using a blow dryer on some pudding skin. Nat is sewing a sweater. Eddy is throwing random items into a box behind him.]

Edd: "Eddy!"

Eddy: "That's my name."

Edd: "What are you doing? We're supposed to be gathering things to cheer Ed up, not unclog his drain!" [He holds up a plunger.] "For example, Ed adores pudding skin." [He picks up the skin.] "So, I've taken the liberty of adorning one with a whimsical smile. Isn't it spiffy?"

Nat: "It looks great! Also thanks for helping me knit this sweater."

Edd: "Your welcome."

Eddy: [rolling his eyes] "Oh, I get it. So this hundred-year-old sandwich is sure to please Mr. Crankypants." [He picks the sandwich off of Ed's pillow. The pillow comes with it, and Eddy sees a magazine under it.] "It's a magazine!" [It is a copy of Chicks Galore.] "Ed's been holding out on us! Chicks Galore, huh?"

[Eddy happily picks it up and flips it open. The pictures inside are of baby chickens.]

Edd: [disgusted] "I didn't even know they had magazines like that."

Nat: "I don't know what to feel about that."

[Eddy drops the magazine back on Ed's bed and helps Edd and Nat cart off the happy box.]

[Edd, Nat and Eddy enter the park. They stop. Kevin is bullying Ed by bouncing a baseball behind his head.]

Nat: "Kevin please stop!"

Edd: [horrified] "Kevin! What in heaven's–"

Eddy: "Pass it here, Kev!"

Nat: [annoyed] "Really Eddy?"

[Eddy goes to join the game. Eddy and Kevin amuse themselves by catching the balls they bounce of Ed's head.]

Eddy: "Double D, Nat, you've gotta try this!"

[Ed grabs Eddy and shapes him into a bat.]

Kevin: "Potent." [He laughs. Ed takes a swing at Kevin and sends the jock flying.] "Whoa!" Eddy is tossed away, used for his intended purpose.]

Eddy: "Is he happy yet?"

Nat: "Nope."

Edd: "Not even a smirk, Eddy."

Eddy: "This stinks." [He reads from a comic book called "Marlene of the Deep."] "'Its tentacles tightened, sucking the marrow–'"

[Ed slams the book shut on Eddy. The book falls loose, revealing Eddy's head as a page from a comic book. Eddy is saying, "Ow." He goes over to Nat and tags her. She nervously walks over to Ed.]

Nat: "Hi Ed. Double D helped me make you a sweater."

[Ed takes the sweater and shoves it on Nat's head. She walks away sad and tags Edd.]

[Ed has a turkey on his lap. On top of it is a lit candle. He and Edd are wearing party hats.]

Edd: "Go on, Ed! Blow out the candle, and make a big happy wish!"

[Ed stuffs the turkey into Edd. Edd goes over to Eddy and tags him in. Not liking this, Eddy tags Edd back. It turns into a slapping match.]

Nat: "Guys please! [they stop]

[Edd and Eddy are putting on a puppet show using Baron O'Beefdip, a sock puppet, and a robot alien.]

Sock Puppet: "Why hello Mr. Robot!"

Baron O'Beefdip: "La la la! Mr. Robot, our moody friend sure could use a good chuckle. Why don't you sing him a song, and lift his spirits?"

Eddy: "I hate puppet shows!" [He tosses the robot away.]

Nat: "Aw c'mon Eddy!"

Edd: "Ooh, you're not even trying! You pick that up, Mister!"

[Ed pulls a cord on Baron O'Beefdip's back. A flame shoots out of the toy's mouth, barbecuing the puppet show alongside with Edd and Eddy's tops.]

Nat: "Wow."

Eddy: [amazed] "Nice toy."

[Edd drops Baron O'Beefdip and whispers in Eddy's ear. Eddy leaps out of the box.]

Eddy: "NO WAY! Forget it! I ain't doin' it!"

Edd: "But Eddy! Look at him!" [He indicates the grumpy Ed.] "If Ed doesn't cheer up soon, he could become a perpetual mope! Do you realize how miserable our lives would be?"

Nat: "Please Eddy!"

[Eddy stands there grumpily.]

[Eddy is still grumpy, but he is now dressed as a rooster.]

Eddy: [dancing] "Bock bock bock. Look at me, I'm a chicken. Cluck cluck cluck. You love chickens. Chickens make you happy. Buck buck buck. How 'bout I lay an egg?"

[Ed comes over to Eddy and pulls his cowl down over him. Ed then shoves Eddy away.]

Edd: "You forgot to wiggle your tailfeathers, Eddy."

Eddy: [snaps]"THAT'S IT!" [He runs over to Ed.] "I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR BAD MOOD! CRACK A SMILE! BUST A GUT! BE HAPPY!" [He slaps Ed on the back of his head.] "GET OVER IT!"

Ed: [enraged] "RAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" [His eyes turn red and he rips his eyebrow in half and angrily screams loudly at the world.] "BIG TROUBLE!"

[Edd faints, Nat ducks, and Eddy stands there, stunned, as the gale unleashed by Ed's scream rips his shirt off. Ed grabs his stump and proceeds to smash the playground with it. Nat holds Edd and tries to wake him up. Eddy frantically fans Edd. Ed bites into various pieces of playground equipment and tosses them in the air. Jonny, caught on the seesaw, actually enjoys this.]

Jonny: "Yee-haw!"

Nat: "Double D please wake up!"

Eddy: "Double D, wake up! Aah!" [He cowers. Broken pieces of playground land around him, Nat and Edd.]

Jonny: "Right on!"

[He lands on one end of the seesaw, Plank on the other. Plank shoots up into the air.]

Ed: "I WANT TO BE ALONE!"

[Plank hits Ed on the back of his head. Ed looks at Plank with a deadly stare.]

Jonny: "Plank?"

[Ed raises Plank over his head, ready to break the board against his knee.]

Jonny: "Gimme Plank back, you meanie!" [Ed holds off Jonny with an outstretched leg.]

Plank:

Jonny: "I'm trying, buddy, but I can't reach you!"

Nat: [angry] "Alright that's it."

[Nat reaches into Edd's pocket and finds a chain with a lock. She walks over to Ed and stretches the chain. She quickly runs around Ed wrapping him with the chain then locks it in place. He tosses Plank away.]

Jonny: "Buddy!" [He catches and hugs Plank.] [noting how the Eds liven things up] "Never a dull moment with these clowns, huh Plank?"

Ed: "LET ME GO!"

Nat: "I'm sorry Ed but I can't let you hurt anyone else, Now if you don't tell me what's wrong I'm telling your mom!"

[Ed's face turns scared]

Ed: "No please don't tell my mom!"

Nat: "Then tell me!"

Ed: [holding up his shoe] "My foot hurts!"

[Nat pulls Ed's shoe off. A tiny pebble tumbles out. Ed, suddenly no longer angry, wiggles his sock-clad toe. A wide smile spreads across his face.]

Ed: [Overjoyed] "Ed is happy once more!"

Nat: [taking off her headband] "We're all grateful Ed." [She picks the lock and frees Ed]

[Edd walks over to the shoe and pebble and picks up the rock.]

Edd: [Shocked beyond belief] "A pebble? Ed's bad mood was all because he had a pebble in his shoe?"

Nat: "Apparently so."

Jonny: "He's mad, I tell ya, mad!"

Ed: [hugging Edd, Nat and Eddy] "My friends! My pals! My name here!"

[Eddy falls to the ground in a fit of crazy laughter.]

Ed: [oblivious] "Somebody had a good day, huh, Double D and Nat?" [He and Eddy laugh together.]


	89. A Twist of Ed

[Edd is polishing a table. He looks down and sees his reflection in it.]

Edd: "Nice. Putting one's shoulder to the wheel surely has its rewards."

[He looks around his backyard, where everywhere can be seen polished wood.]

Edd: "There. Refinished, rejuvenated, and reusable."

[Edd spots something odd on the ground and hurries over to it.]

Edd: "What's this?" [He picks up a tube of lipstick.] "Strange. Now what could a lipstick dispenser be doing in my yard?" [A fearful idea strikes him.] "Oh my."

[Edd, scared, looks around. Out of nowhere, Marie pounces on him.]

Marie: "Yahoo!"

Edd: [as Marie grabs the lipstick that was tossed in the air] "Puleah!"

Marie: [after tying Edd in a knot] "Hiya, dreamboat!" [applying lipstick] "Pucker up, oven mitt!"

Edd: "No! Please! You wouldn't dare!"

[Nat is walking by when she sees Marie trying to kiss Edd. She stares in shock.]

Edd: "Nat! Help!"

[Panicking, Nat looks around and sees a hose. She runs over to it, grabs it, and turns it on. She sprays Marie with water till she is out of sight. She turns it off and runs over to Edd, untying him.]

Nat: "Double D are you ok?" [Edd just sobs]

Edd: "Why must they torment us?!"

[Nat holds Edd as he continues to sob.]

Nat: "It's ok Double D I'm here." [As Edd starts to calm down she realizes something] "We have to go check on Ed and Eddy!" [She hands him a tissue]

Edd: [wiping his eyes] "Your right."

Nat: [helping Edd up] "C'mon let's go!" [she and Edd run off]

[Ed pours himself a bowl of Chunky Puffs. He tries to eat it with his right hand. Finding this unsatisfactory, he tries his tongue. He looks at the bowl, thinking hard.]

Ed: "Spoon, please!"

[Ed rushes into the kitchen and searches in a drawer for a spoon. He pulls out a spatula. As this is not what he wanted, he tosses it away. He then pulls out a beater and disgards it as well. He eventually pulls out May and throws her away. He burrows into the drawer.]

Ed: "Hello? Hello?" [He finds the spoon.] "Thank you, spoon!"

May: [hugging him] "A big hug for my honey!" [drags Ed back as the spoon falls onto the floor]

[In the spoon's reflection, we can see May about to kiss Ed.]

May: "Put those lips together and make like a fish!"

Ed: "Girl germs!"

[Nat and Edd show up and sees Ed in despair. She rushes over and grabs Ed. They all run away.]

Nat: "C'mon we have to find Eddy!"

[An alarm clock goes off. Eddy rises sleepily and yawns. He goes to take a shower. Inside, he is slumped against the shower wall, exhausted. The shower fills with water, and he wakens. He sees a great clump of hair stuck in the drainpipe. He yanks it out, and Lee appears in her swimsuit and wearing goggles.]

Eddy: [suddenly lucid] "Kanker!"

[Eddys hand presses against the shower door and slides down as Lee chortles evilly.]

[Nat, Edd and Ed show up. Nat opens Eddy's shower and pulls him out. They all run away.]

Nat: "Good everyone is ok."

Eddy: "What do you mean?! I'm half naked!"

Nat: "I'm sorry Eddy I meant everyone is safe. The nerve I mean invading your home is one thing but the shower?! That's just too far!"

Eddy: "You think?"

Edd: "It's only a matter of time before they locate us!"

Nat: [thinking for a moment] "Ok guys go to the van in the junkyard while I get Eddy's clothes."

Edd: "But Nat."

Nat: "I'll be ok, I'll meet you there I promise."

[The Eds run away while Nat goes back inside Eddy's house.]

[The Eds run through the junkyard. They leap into the retro van and slam the door. They peers out the window.]

Eddy: "What's with those stupid Kankers? Why can't they just leave us alone?" [He climbs into the back and sits on the waterbed. A horrible stench emanates from his armpits.]

Edd: "GOOD GOLLY ALMIGHTY! WHAT IS THAT HORRIBLE ODOR? ED?"

Ed: "Not I, Double D. Talk to mister stinkpot."

Eddy: "Hey, I had a Kanker hairball stuck in my shower!"

Edd: "Calm down, Eddy! I'm sure if we put our two and a half heads together we–"

Eddy: "YOU THINK OF SOMETHING, SMART GUY!"

Edd: [scared] "Sssh!" [He climbs into the back and lies on the waterbed, trying to solve the problem.]

Eddy: "So?" [Not receiving a response, he proceeds to pound on the car while chanting "think."] "Think! Think! Think! Think!" [Ed joins in]

Ed and Eddy: "Think think think think think think think think think think..." [Ed starts pounding on the horn as he shouts] "...think think think think think think think think think think think think think think think thi–"

Edd: "VERY WELL THEN!"

Eddy: "And it better be good."

[Edd climbs out the back of the van and heads off, thinking all the way.]

Eddy: "Where ya goin?"

[Nat shows up]

Nat: "Hey Eddy! I got your clothes!"

Eddy: "It's about time!" [he takes them]

Nat: "Where's Double D going?"

Eddy: "That's what we'd like to know!"

[Nat and Ed follow Edd while Eddy goes in the van to change. Eddy quickly follows behind.]

[Rolf is at the end of the lane, standing next to two rocks. One of the rocks is large; the other one, small. Rolf picks up the small rock and raises it over his head.]

Rolf: "SLAHORN!" [He brings the rock down on the larger rock, smashing it to pebbles while leaving the small one intact. Edd goes over and picks up one of the pebbles.]

Eddy: "You're on to something, aren'tcha? Oh, I know! Don't tell me. We hit 'em with a rock, and–" [he realizes] "That's stupid! I could've thought of that!" [Eddy is alone.] "Now where'd ya go?"

[Further down the lane, Rolf marks an X on another rock. He brings the small rock over his head again.]

Rolf: "SLAHORN!" [He starts to bring the rock down, but has to stop suddenly; Ed is in the way.]

Ed: "What is with the rock, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Hello, Bundt cake for brain Ed-boy. Rolf is using this smaller rock to crush this bigger rock."

Ed: "Bundt cake crushes rock?"

Rolf: "No, only rock will break rock."

Edd: [inspiration striking] "By George, that's the answer!"

Nat: "What's the answer?"

Edd: "Nat! I am relieved to see that you are alright!"

Nat: "I'm glad! What's going on?"

Edd: "I have formed a solution to our Kanker dilemma."

Ed: [with a slice of pizza] "Pizza slice breaks rock?"

Rolf: [frustrated at Ed's inability to comprehend something this simple] "Ed-boy! No pizza, ROCK!"

Ed: [replaces the pizza with a soft pretzel] "Half-eaten pretzel bagel breaks rock?"

Rolf: [irate and about to hit Ed in the head with the rock] "MUST ROLF BEAT SOME SENSE INTO THAT OVERCOOKED NOODLE THAT YOU CALL A HEAD?!"

Edd: "Rolf!" [He vigorously shakes Rolf's hand.] "Thank you for being an unlikely source of inspiration." [Ed steals Rolf's rock.]

Ed: [running after Edd] "I'm a noodlehead and you're not!" [Ed throws the rock into the air, and it comes down on Rolf's head.]

Rolf: "Rolf too yearns the simple life as a noodlehead."

Edd: "Eddy! I've formed a solution to our Kanker dilemma! Because only a rock can break a rock!"

Eddy: [angry] "You spent all this time thinking and that's what you came up with!?!?!?"

Edd: [tired] "It's just an analogy, Eddy. Rock breaks rock, fight fire with fire? We use reverse psychology!" [He pulls out a book on the subject.]

Nat: "I get it!"

Eddy: "Oh, I getcha! We hit 'em with a book! That's a good one."

Edd: "Perhaps a demonstration will help clarify things. Ed! Listen carefully, now. Do not eat that dirt."

[Ed laughs, finding the suggestion easy to resist. Yet only a few seconds later, his eyes flicker to the dirt. Moments after that, he is on the ground, eating it.]

Eddy: "What an idiot! I thought you said not to eat the dirt."

Edd: "That's reverse psychology, Eddy! In order to defeat our enemy, we must become our enemy."

Nat: "Do you think it will work?"

Edd: "It is worth the effort."

[May hits the ground with a black eye.]

Marie: "Hey, May, can I borrow your barrette?" [She takes a hairpin from May's hair.] "My cutie pie's gonna love my new hairdo." [Lee enters the fight, sending Marie into May and taking the barrette.]

Lee: "Oh no you don't. I need it for my hair."

Marie: "I saw it first!"

Lee: "Is that so?"

[The sisters brawl. In the background, Edd lowers Ed from a tree and sets him on the ground. Ed goes up to the Kankers.]

Ed: "I belch you good day, ladies."

[The Kankers stop fighting.]

Lee: "Look, girls. Big Ed's come for a visit."

Marie: "What a koinkydink. I was just thinking about you."

May: "Back off! He's mine."

Lee: "I say we split him up three ways, huh girls?"

[Edd and Eddy watch from the tree.]

Eddy: [scared for his friend] "You better be sure about this, or Ed's a goner!"

Edd: [confident] "Have faith in the science of the mind, Eddy."

Lee: "I say, on the count of three, we jump him. Ready?"

Ed: "MAY!" [A long pause.] "You look very pretty today." [He ruffles her hair.]

May: [blushing] "Oh, gee. You're making me break out in a rash, big Ed."

Lee: "He's so good looking."

Marie: "In a weird kinda way."

Ed: "Let's mambo!"

[Ed grabs Lee and Marie and crashes them together. He takes their right hands and places them on his hip, where he tapes them. He then grabs their left hands in his right.]

Lee: "Slow down, Casanova! We ain't cooked you dinner yet."

[The dance begins. Ed dances violently with them. He then reaches down and pulls out some dandelions with his teeth, which he proffers to his partners. Ed dances with them, even though Lee and Marie grow more scared by the second. An abrupt turn saves the sisters; the tape comes loose, and they fly away. Ed then turns to May.]

Ed: "May I have your hand in carriage?" [He stuffs May's hand in his mouth.]

May: [a little afraid] "What're you talking about, Ed?"

Lee: [next to her sisters] "This guy's beginning to creep me out. Back off, mister!"

[Lee shoves Ed away. Edd watches gleefully.]

Edd: "Eddy, look! It's beginning to work!"

Eddy: "It is? See? What'd I tell ya?"

[Ed gets up.]

May: "What's he up to now?"

Ed: [with a hat full of candy] "A treat for my sweets?" [He approaches, and they back away.] "Okay! Let's pitch some woo!" [He puts the hat on and puckers up. The Kankers back up all the way to the water's edge.]

Marie: "Lee, do something!"

Lee: "I'm on it, Marie!"

[Lee throws May into the water and climbs on her. Her yellow hair keeps them afloat, and Lee uses Marie to paddle across the creek and into the woods.]

Nat: "That was hard to watch."

Eddy: [leaping on Ed] "Ed, you did it! You're a masher, and I ain't talkin' potatoes, either. Let's reverse psycho-whatever the store into giving us some free jawbreakers."

Edd: "We're not done yet, Eddy."

Eddy: [surprised] "Not done?"

Edd: "No, Eddy! In order to ensure ourselves of a Kanker-free future, the three of us must strike while the iron is hot."

Nat: "I don't know Double D can't you let me handle it?"

Edd: "Don't worry Nat I'm sure our plan will work with all due respect it's best if you not interfere."

[Nat thinks for a minute then smiles]

Nat: [smiling] "Ok Double D I "won't" interfere."

Edd: "Thank you Nat. Come Eddy."

Eddy: "No way! I'll wait for the movie."

Edd: "Ed, please don't get Eddy."

[Ed waits for a few seconds before, seemingly involuntarily, his legs start to churn and he takes off after Eddy.]

Eddy: [running away] "Leave me alone! I don't wanna! Go away!"

[A Kanker locks the door to their trailer.]

May: "What just happened there?"

Lee: "Mom was right. Throw a man a bone, and he'll mess up the carpet."

Edd: [appearing seemingly out of nowhere] "Welcome home, my dainty dowdy darlings! I have freshly laundered socks for each of my contemptuous cupcakes!" [A bell rings in the kitchen.]

Ed: "And I made my chicks pancakes!" [The pancakes are heart shaped.] "Ketchup?" [He draws on the food.] "See? I love you." [He has drawn an eye, a heart, and a "U", reading diagonally.] "A poet I am."

Lee: "These guys are creeping me out!" [They head up the stairs as Ed waves with a half-eaten pancake.]

May: "Let's hide in our room!"

Marie: "Wait up, girls!"

Eddy: [scared] "Uh-oh." [He tries to hold the door shut. The Kankers charge through the door and slam it shut, unaware of the dazed Eddy on the ther side.]

Edd: "Surprise, surprise!" [He is in the room as well, and has labeled everything.] "Love knows no bounds, turtledoves. While labeling all the personal items in your boudoir, I took the liberty of planning a more ergonomic arrangement to our love nest."

[The Kankers burst off the door with Eddy still on it as the race out of the room, scared out of their minds.]

Marie: "They're so suffocating!"

May: "Make 'em go away, Lee!"

Lee: "That's it, I'm calling the cops!" [She picks up the phone, which is on top of Ed's lipsticked head.]

Ed: "Dial me for love!" [attemps to smooch the Kankers]

[Lee slams the phone down, and the sisters rush the front door. They claw at the screen desperately. One of them finally grasps the handle and opens the door only to find Edd just outside with a flower.]

Edd: [pulling off petals] "She loves me. She loves me also."

The Kankers: "AAAH!" [They run the other way and meet Eddy.]

Eddy, Lee, May, Marie: "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" [The Kankers do an about face and run into a closet.]

Ed: [inside with them] "It's dark!" [He cackles.]

The Kankers: "AAAAAHHH!" [They break out and huddle together on the sofa.]

Edd: "Care to snuggle under my blanket of amour?"

The Kankers: "AAAAH!" [They leap off the couch.]

Edd: [to Eddy, who is huddled in a plant] "I haven't had this much fun since father let me disassemble his shaver." [pulling out a bouquet] "Here, Eddy. It's your turn."

[Edd pushes Eddy towards the Kankers, who are huddled in a corner.]

Edd: [whispering] "Go on, Eddy. Show no mercy. Make them never bother us again."

Eddy: [nervous, his knees knocking] "Um, so, yeah...um..."

[A drop of sweat rolls off his brow and plops on the floor. Lee notices, and points this out to her sisters. They grin evilly, and only pretend to be scared by Eddy.]

Lee: [hopping away] "Oh, you scare us!"

May: "You're so gross."

Marie: [following her sisters] "Eeek."

Eddy: [amazed at his apparent success] "Ha! They couldn't take the ol' Eddy charm. Can't blame 'em, though. I'm too much for even myself."

Ed: "You're Eddy! Babe magnet to the, um...babes!"

Eddy: "Let's hit on 'em again!"

Eddy: [kicking the Kankers' bedroom door open] "No use runnin', you know you want me. C'mon, quit playing hard to get!" [Edd follows him. Ed enters. When the Eds are standing in the middle of the room, Lee slams the door shut and locks it.]

Lee: "Uh-oh, looks like we're trapped. Just prisoners of love." [She drops the key into her shirt.]

Eddy: "Check this out, boys." [He approaches Lee.] "Okay, toots, it's smoochin' time!"

Lee: [sarcastic] "Ooh, yuck, germs! Leave us alone!" [Edd watches, realizing the game has changed.]

Ed: "Click click." [Suddenly, a hand reaches out and drags Ed towards the closet.]

May: [peeking out] "Oops! You found me. Don't come any closer!"

Ed: "You are a sneaky bunny." [May pulls him into the closet.] "Holy schmoly!"

Edd: [frantically flipping through the book] "Something's not right here!" [Marie's head appears between the pages.] "Marie?"

Marie: "Don't kiss me, Double D!" [She begins moving towards him.]

Edd: [backing up] "This can't be! They've turned the tables on us, Eddy! IT'S A REVERSE-REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!"

[Marie grabs Edd and gets ready to kiss. Around the room, her sisters do the same.]

Ed and Eddy: "WE ARE TOO YOUNG!!! AAH!!!"

Nat: "Hey Kankers!"

[The Kankers stop and see Nat leaning against the door smirking.]

Lee: "What do you want?" 

Marie: "Come to steal our boyfriends?"

Nat: "Nope."

[The Kankers and the Eds stare in shock.]

May: "What do you mean No?"

Nat: "Well the Eds told me not to interfere so that's exactly what I'm not going to do."

[The Kankers look at the Eds then scowl.]

Lee: "Is this another one of your tricks?"

[The Eds look at Nat who just winks. Edd then smiles.]

Edd: "Why yes, yes it is."

Lee: "Well it aint gonna work."

Nat: "Wait that wasn't part of the plan!"

[The Kankers let go of the Eds.]

Lee: "Get outta here!"

Nat: "Darn! Well c'mon guys the plan failed."

[The Eds run out the door and Nat closes it smiling.]

Edd: "Thank you Nat, I apologize for telling you not to interfere."

Nat: "Well technically I didn't interfere the Kankers just let you go."

[The Eds stare in shock]

Eddy: "You sly fox!"

Nat: "It's the company I keep. I accept your apology but just let me handle them ok?"

The Eds: "Agreed."


	90. Your Ed Here

Kevin: "Aw, here we go." [He is looking at a statue of Ed. The camera then moves on to Rolf and Jonny, who are looking at a statue of Edd. Edd has a skull in his hand. Rolf pokes him, and the statue wobbles, dropping the skull. Jimmy, meanwhile, is looking at a sculpture of Eddy.]

Eddy: [popping up] "Lifelike, ain't it? You too can have your own wax dummy from Ed's Spittin' Image of Wax! Need a scapegoat for Mom and Dad to yell at? Why not blame the dummy? Only 25 cents."

Jimmy: "You mean live life guilt free? Give it to me, Eddy!" [He drops a quarter in Eddy's jar.]

Eddy: "We got us a live one!" [Ed takes a coffin shaped box and slams it down onto Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Be gentle."

Edd: [explaining the process] "The procedure is really quite simple, Jimmy. Step One: We pour oatmeal, Mother Nature's own casting agent." [He fills the coffin with oatmeal and slams the lid.] "Step Two: Vigorous distribution. This will activate the oatmeal's inherent properties of coagulation." [Ed shakes the box.] "Step Three: Let it set." [Edd pulls out an hourglass and times the oatmeal. Once enough time has passed] "Step Four: Gently extract from the now hardened mold." [Ed uses an eyedropper to suck Jimmy out of the coffin.]

Ed: "Look out for your shoes!" [He tosses the eyedropper. It lands, and Jimmy is pushed out.]

Jimmy: [heading for the skies] "AAAAH!"

Edd: "Uh, yes, um, step five: We insert solid wax cylinders into the mold and meticulously melt each one into its cavity, thus coating every delicate nook and cranny."

[What Edd means is they put crayons in the mold and melt them to fit the created mold and thus make a statue.]

Kevin: [bored] "Get on with it!"

Edd: "Rome wasn't built in a day, Kevin." [Ed takes a mallet and slams it down on the top of the dummy maker. The coffin splits in two, revealing an oddly posed Jimmy at the center.]

Jonny: "Wow! Look at that!"

[Jimmy comes down next to the statue and pops up in exactly the same pose.]

Eddy: "Which one's the dummy, huh, huh?" [pointing at them both] "Betcha can't tell! Only at Ed's Spittin' Image of Wax! Who's next?"

Sarah: [worried] "Jimmy looks like he's gonna throw up!"

Jonny: "Turn me and Plank into candles, Eddy!"

Nazz: "This I gotta see."

Rolf: [to a resolute Kevin] "Come, Kevin, the placing of the wig must not be missed!"

Kevin: [walking away] "This is so stale, I swear." [He sees something and stops.] "Huh?" [It is a wallet.] "Choice, a wallet!"

Eddy: "Any cash?!?"

Kevin: "It's empty. Like your head."

Eddy: [walking back to his scam] "What idiot would carry a wallet with no cash in it?"

Kevin: [looking in it] "No way! Hey, Eddy, check out the idiot!" [He holds it out. The "idiot" in question is none other than our favorite three-haired scammaster.]

Eddy: [looking at it] "Hey. That's mine."

Kevin: "Ain't it weird how wallets can tell a lot about a dork." [flipping the wallet to Eddy] "Huh, Skipper."

Eddy: [scared] "WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!?" [Eddy, freaked out, looks back at his scam.]

Kevin: "That is your middle name, right, Skipper?"

Eddy: [putting Kevin on his bike] "Gee, sorry you're leaving town, pal, I'll sure miss ya, don't come back too soon now!"

[Kevin just sits on his bike.]

Eddy: [begging] "You ain't gonna tell, are ya? Don't! I'm groveling! I'll do anything you want, I swear! Just don't tell anyone!"

Kevin: "Anything I want, huh?" [thinking] "Buy me a soda, 'cause I'm broke."

Eddy: "In your dreams!"

Kevin: [smug] "Your choice. Skipper. HEY, ROLF!" [Eddy clamps his hands over Kevin's mouth.]

Rolf: [turning to see who called him] "Hallo! No rain today, yes?" [turning back around] "Half-baked Ed-boy. Is it done?"

Eddy: [taking his hands of Kevin's mouth] "Okay, you win!"

Kevin: "I'm waiting..."

[Ed places two eyes on a statue of Jonny and Plank.]

Ed: "Am I an artiste or what?" [The Kids laugh.]

Jonny: [eyeless] "Where'd everybody go?" [Eddy runs up and grabs the jar from Edd.]

Edd: "Ed, give Jonny his eyes back." [He notices the jar is gone.]

Ed: "Like toejam, Bob!"

[Edd looks across the street, where Eddy gives the jar to Kevin. Eddy then hustles back.]

Ed: "Okay, you're hot. Hotter! Yep, that's them, Jonny!" [Jonny picks his eyes up and puts them on wrong.]

Jonny: "Weird, huh Plank?"

Eddy: [darting in] "Everybody go away!"

Jimmy: "But Eddy, my wax figurine!" [Eddy throws Jimmy and Sarah over the fence.]

Eddy: [in a full-blown panic] "We're closed!"

Eddy: [pushing Ed and Edd into his room] "Home sweet home, huh guys? Let's uh–" [He pulls out a notepad.] "Play some X and O's!"

Ed: "Ooh! Ooh! X's and O's? I am skookum at X's and O's!"

Edd: "Ed, don't you see? Somethings amiss here, and Eddy's just trying to–"

Ed: [imitating an old man] "Find your hamburgers yet, Wimpy?"

Edd: [agreeing] "Very well, Ed, I'm up for your challenge."

Eddy: "Hey, uh, you guys start. I need to check on something." [He tears off around the side of the house.]

[Rounding the house, he looks for Kevin. When he spots Kevin, Kevin is deep in conversation with Sarah and Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "Are you pulling my leg, Kevin?"

Eddy: [hysterical] "Lies! All lies! Don't listen to him, Jimmy, he's making it all up!"

Kevin: "I was just telling 'em how much you love Jimmy's fashion sense, Dorky."

Eddy: "I do?"

Kevin: "But, if that's a lie, maybe I should tell them the truth." [Eddy begins to sweat.]

Sarah: [grinning malignantly] "What truth?"

Eddy: [pushing Sarah out of the way] "Oh, that! Oh yeah, Kevin's right, Jimmy. How about sharing your secrets, Blackwell?"

[Kevin snickers, knowing he has Eddy under his thumb.]

[Ed and Edd are in Eddy's bedroom, playing Tic-tac-toe. Edd draws an O in the middle. Ed takes the pencil and draws furiously for a moment.]

Ed: "I win again, Double D!" [Instead of drawing X's, he has drawn many symbols around the O, including a trident, a chicken head, and some geometric figures.]

Edd: [thoroughly confused] "We are playing X's and O's, aren't we Ed?"

Eddy: "Okay. What's up?" [Eddy looks exactly like Jimmy, down to the clothes, hair, and retainer.] "My go?" [He draws a straight line down the middle of the new game.] "Who's next? Be right back." [He runs off.]

Edd: "I can't quite put my finger on it, Ed, but something very strange is going on here."

Ed: "Yeah, that you stink at this game, Double D!" [He proceeds to scribble over Eddy's line.]

[Eddy runs like his feet are on fire. He spots Kevin talking to Jonny. Without stopping, he grabs Jonny and stuffs him in an envelope. He seals the envelope, drops it in a mailbox, and runs back.]

Eddy: "C'mon, Kev, you promised you wouldn't tell!" [He sees Kevin about to talk to Nazz.] "Kevin, don't!"

[Kevin merely beckons him over.]

[Edd has drawn an O, once again in the center. Ed draws a square around it.]

Ed: "Whoa-hoa-hoa! I win!"

Edd: "Preposterous! This isn't how the game's played! I refuse to continue under these absurd conditions, Ed."

Ed: "Aw, kitty-cat go meow?"

[Eddy rushes in. He picks up Edd and Nat and carries them to the middle of the cul-de-sac.]

Edd: [irked] "Would you mind telling me what has gotten into you today?"

Eddy: "Forgive me!"

Nat: "Eddy what are you-"

[Eddy presses Edd and Nat's heads together, making them kiss. When he pulls them away they stare in shock.]

Nazz: "You're bad, Kevin."

Sarah: [entering from the left] "Hey. What's going on?" [She points at the friends, who are retching.]

Kevin: "Hey Eddy, get over here!"

Eddy: "Coming, Kevin!"

Nat: "Well that was...interesting."

Ed: "One is a lonely number, Double D."

Eddy: [acting like a seal] "Ark ark ark! Ark ork ark!" [He goes up to some horns and blows the with his teeth.]

Rolf: [enjoying himself immensely] "The Ed-boy has been trained well!"

[The kids, with the exception of Ed and Edd, laugh.]

Ed: "Catchy tune."

Kevin: [holding a fish] "Now gimme a nosestand." [Eddy complies.] "Choice, Wave to Nazz." [after Eddy does as requested] "Now beg for the fish."

Eddy: "Ark ark ark!" [Kevin throws the fish, and Eddy catches it in his mouth.]

Kevin: "So? Swallow it! Or else." [after the fish stays uneaten] "Right then. Hey guys! Wanna know what Eddy's–"

Eddy: [through the fish] "Okay! Okay!" [Eddy swallows the raw, slimy, scaly fish. He then gags.]

Kevin: "Oh, man, you're sick. Here's something to wash it down with." [He sprays Eddy with a squirt gun.] "Oops, I missed."

[There is now a big wet spot by the crotch of his pants. The kids all laugh.]

Kevin: "Bathroom's over there, pal!"

Eddy: [embarrassed] "Good one, Kev. You're a funny guy." [Edd taps him on the shoulder.]

Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy, may I have a word with you privately?"

Eddy: "Back off! Can't you see I'm trying to bend to one's yoke?"

Edd: "Very well, I'll just tell your father you're too busy." [He walks away.]

Eddy: [backing away after Edd] "Remember Kev, loose lips sink ships. Okay?"

Eddy: "What's my dad want?"

Ed: [with a backscratcher] "Anybody got an itch to scratch?" [He uses the scratcher on Eddy's armpit.]

Edd: "Ed." [Ed slows and stops.] "Not now, thank you." [Ed leaves.] "I made up the father excuse to lure you away, Eddy! What in Sam Hill has gotten into you? Look at yourself! Kevin's making a fool of you in front of everyone!"

Ed: [reappearing] "Yeah, it's usually me!"

Eddy: "I can't tell you. Nobody can find out!" [He straightens up, alert.]

Kevin: "Hey Eddy! C'mere, will ya?"

Eddy: "Gotta go!" [He bounds off.]

Ed: [waving] "A fine example of who-knows-what, he is."

[The kids are all laughing. Eddy runs up.]

Eddy: "What's up, pal?"

[He looks around the circle. Everyone has a strained, carnivorous grin on their face.]

Sarah: "Hey Eddy!" [She is flipping a jump rope with Jimmy.]

Jimmy: "How about a little skip rope, friend?"

Eddy: "Uh...nope, not me."

Jonny: "Plank wants to know if you'll skipper our boat!" [He holds up a boat made of newspaper. Plank is nestled inside.]

Rolf: "Look here, Ed-boy. He who commands the boat must rig many knots, yes?" [Rolf laughs, and Eddy sweats ferociously.]

Kevin: "Dude. That wasn't even remotely funny."

Sarah: [rhyming] "Sounds like dipper, rhymes with flipper, is close zipper–"

Eddy: "Shut up, Sarah!"

Sarah: "–but not a slipper...well, what do you know. It's Skipper!"

Eddy: "Say what?"

The Kids: [chanting] "Skipper, Skipper,–"

Eddy: "No way!"

The Kids [chanting] "–Skipper, Skipper!"

Eddy: "Leave me alone!"

Jonny: [running off with the rest of the kids, except Kevin] "See ya, Skipper!"

Nazz: [the last of the group besides Kevin to leave] "Skipper. What's with that?"

Eddy: "Kevin, you jerk! You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"

Kevin: "Oops. I forgot. Sorry, Skipper!" [He rides off, laughing meanly.]

[Eddy walks the other way, hunched over in an ocean of grumpiness. He runs into Edd.]

Edd: "I'm here for you, Eddy. A penny for your thoughts?"

Ed: "Skipper's embarrassed because everybody now knows Eddy's middle name." [He giggles.]

Edd: "Skipper?"

Eddy: [giving up] "Ah, who cares! My life's wrecked."

Edd: "Skipper's a very–um–exceptional middle name. Be proud of it, because it will be with you for the rest of your life." [He lifts Eddy's lips into a smile.] "Now how about a smile?" [Edd removes his fingers, and Eddy's face falls back into a despairing look.] "Eddy, if it makes you feel any better, I'll tell you my middle name."

Eddy: [dispirited] "Okay."

Edd: "Well Eddy, my middle name is Marion." [there is a pause while Eddy absorbs this]

Nat: "Marion? that's-"

Eddy: "Marion?! You gotta be kidding me! That's a girl's name!" [Eddy begins to laugh his head off.]

Ed: "Marion! Like that maid!"

Eddy: "HEY, EVERYBODY! LISTEN UP! DOUBLE D'S MIDDLE NAME IS–"

Edd: [clamping a hand over Eddy's mouth] "Eddy, please don't!"

Eddy: "MARION!"

[Ed and Eddy laugh, and the kids come out.]

Nazz: "My aunt's name is Marion!"

Sarah: "Double D, that's so cute!"

Rolf: "Marion the Hungarian?"

Kevin and Jonny: "No! Marion the Librarian!"

[Everyone, including his friends, laugh at Edd.]

Eddy: "Kids can be so cruel, huh, Ed?"

Ed: "Got that right, SKIPPER!"

[Eddy stops laughing and looks at Ed, peeved.]

[Nat stares in shock, then scowls.]

Nat: "ENOUGH!"

[Everyone stops and stares at Nat.]

Nat: "What's so funny about having that as a middle name?!"

Kevin: "Cause Double D is a-"

Nat: "So what? it's just a name! In fact I think Marion is a beautiful middle name!"

[Edd blushes. Nat turns to Eddy.]

Nat: "Eddy Double D told you his middle name to make you feel better not for you to shout it to everyone!"

Eddy: "I was just-"

Nat: "I don't want to hear it!" [She turns back to everyone.] "You all want something else to laugh at? Well fine! My middle name is Daniel!" [there is a pause.]

Eddy: "Daniel?! That's a boy's name!" [He begins to laugh while the other kids excluding Edd laugh as well.]

Nat: [unfazed] "Fine go ahead laugh! See if I care!" [She walks over to Edd] "C'mon Double D we don't need to take this."

[Nat walks away with Edd while everyone else just stares in shock.]


	91. The Good Ol' Ed

[Eddy is at his mirror, trying to shave. Ed bursts through his door. Eddy turns around, his face cut up.]

Eddy: "Ed! Can't you see I'm practicing for manurity?"

Ed: "So then–" [he grabs Eddy's razor and places it on a pile of odd items] "You won't want to forget to remember this! Oh–" [reaching under Eddy's bed] "–look, it's Eddo!" [He pulls out the dummy.] "Oh, and you'll need to think back this!" [a turntable on the pile] "And this–" [disco ball] "–recollect this! And this! Oh, and who would want to forget this?"

Eddy: "Ed!" [He grabs on to the things Ed is towing away.] "What the heck are you doing? Gimme back my stuff!" [Ed stops in a backyard, next to a suitcase and a hole.] "Place memories here?"

Edd: [carrying a box] "Well, hello, Eddy! Fashionably late as usual!"

Eddy: "Late?! Late for what?"

Edd: [putting things in the suitcase] "Our time capsule, Eddy. Remember? We were to gather a few of our poignant possessions and bury them in a go-no-further location! Then re-excavate our said capsule as grown-ups and reminisce on our yesterdays with a smile. Do you recognize this, Eddy?" [He holds up a Canadian squirt gun.] "The turkey baster! Or should I say, our Canadian squirt gun!" [He laughs.]

Eddy: [grabbing it] "Oh yeah! I remember this thing!"

Nat: "I do too!"

Ed: "Funny it was! As though it were only second season."

[Eddy squirts Ed.]

Edd: [shocked] "There was water left in that?"

[Eddy squirts Edd, and Ed and Eddy laugh.]

Edd: "Ha ha ha, very funny."

[Nat squirts Eddy.]

Eddy: "Hey!" 

[Nat, Edd and Ed laugh.]

Edd: "How about this tablet of memories?" [He holds up the Hypnotizing Wheel.]

Ed and Eddy: "The Hypnotizing Wheel!" [Eddy kicks it out of Edd's hand.]

Edd: [rubbing his fingers] "Can't you just ask for something like a normal human being?"

Eddy: "Remember when we hypnotized Kevin into thinking he was a chimp?"

Ed: "It is to laugh! And he thought my butt was a peanut."

[Eddy, in imitation, clamps his teeth on Ed's rump.]

Ed: "YOW!" [They both laugh.]

Edd: [appears wearing Kevin's monkey fez] "He he, look at my antics. I am Kevin the primate. Ook ook ook, ook ook ook." [He scratches his armpit.]

Nat: "Don't forget when Sarah was behaving like a frog." [she goes down on her knees] "Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit." [she sticks out her tongue.]

Nazz: "Hey guys and girl, um–"

[Nazz takes note of the awkward scene: Edd is scratching his armpit, Nat is sticking out her tongue, and Eddy is biting Ed's butt.]

Nazz: "–what's up?" [She decides not to pursue it.] "Um, never mind." [She walks away.]

Nat: "Where did she come from?"

Edd: "I'm not sure."

[There is a pause, then Edd and Nat laugh and walk back to the suitcase.]

Edd: "See? Revisiting bygone days can be fun, Eddy!"

Eddy: "What else you got in there?" [He tosses the Hypnotizing Wheel back in.]

Ed: "Remember me?" [He bounces up, dressed in the suit from the fad episode.]

Edd, Nat and Eddy: "Fad Freaky!"

Nat: "Hey Double D remember this?" [she holds up the baby blue gym sock]

Edd: "Oh yes I gave that to Sarah and she developed affection for me."

Nat: "Yeah and then you gave the flower to me."

Edd: [blushing] "Y-Yes I did."

Eddy: "Good times, huh, Sockhead?" [He elbows Edd.]

[Edd falls into the suitcase. When he gets up, he has a remote stuck in his eye socket. He pulls it out.]

Eddy: "Hey! I remember that! That's when Ed hit you with that sack of potatoes!"

Edd: "Your recollection's a bit faulty, Eddy. This remote control was from our faux time machine."

Ed: "Foe?"

Nat: "Time machine?"

Eddy: "What time machine?"

Edd: "Surely you recall the time machine."

Ed: "Foe?"

Eddy: "It's probably from that dumb rocket car you built."

Edd: [getting exasperated] "Time machine. Not the rocket car; time machine. Remember? Jimmy and Jonny were at rapt attention, while I explained..."

[Edd remembers the time machine. In the memory, Jimmy and Jonny are cowering in a time machine while Edd explains something on a blackboard.]

Jimmy: "Are you sure, Double D?"

Edd: "Most assuredly, Jimmy. Neither I nor science have found any correlation between time travel and frizzy, flyaway hair."

Eddy: "Are you done yammering?"

Nat: "Please don't interrupt Eddy."

Edd: [closing the hatch and turning a dial] "Prepare to incredibly transverse to the Triassic period of yesteryear!"

Jonny: "This is gonna rock!"

[Ed picks up the machine and shakes it.]

Edd: "Tallyho, back in time we go!"

[Ed, still shaking the box, carries it off somewhere. Inside, Jonny and Jimmy bounce like pinballs. Suddenly, the machine stops moving, and Jonny and Jimmy settle.]

Jonny: "I think we're here, Plank."

[Jonny pushes the door open and wanders into the Triassic. A pterodactyl, suspended by ropes, flies past.]

Ed: [imitating the pterodactyl] "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Jimmy: "PTERODACTYL!" [He ducks into the machine.]

Jonny: [dragging Jimmy out] "C'mon, Jimmy! We can't get hurt, 'cause we weren't even born yet! Wowzers! Look, Plank!" [A triceratops moved by Ed lands on the machine, crushing it flat.]

Jimmy: "Triceratops!" [He and Jonny run away. The dinosaur gives chase.]

Jonny: "Right on, eh, buddy?"

Jimmy: "Make it stop! Make it–" [The triceratops lands on them. Jimmy crawls away, but is jumped on. Jonny is riding it now, however.]

Jonny: "Whoopee! Twenty-three skidoo!"

[Jimmy, dazed, looks up. A T. Rex roars. Jimmy screams, and the triceratops jumps on a allosaurus' head. The body separates from Ed, who continues to imitate the triceratops, and goes flying until it smashes into the T. Rex's mouth.]

Eddy: [on the ground] "What the?"

Jonny: "Neato! We've been swallowed alive, buddy! Huh?"

[He looks forward and sees Nat and Edd, operating a remote control.]

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: [nervous] "Well, hello, Jonny." [A banging is heard.]

Eddy: [banging on the dino] "Hey! What's going on up there?"

[The dinosaur's giant metal eye comes loose and falls, landing on Eddy. The the rest of the body then falls on him. Edd laughs, bringing us back to the present.]

Edd: "Oh and the funny part of it was: the tyrannosaurus actually lived in the Cretaceous period. Not the Triassic period!" [He laughs.] "Oh, oh good times, huh, fellows?"

Eddy: "What are you talking about?"

Nat: "I don't remember a time machine Double D."

Ed: "Yeah, Double D, an elephant never forgets, but I forget what the elephant remembered."

Edd: "Yes, well, you probably just weren't paying attention at the time, Ed. But I'm sure Eddy remembers!"

Eddy: [carrying a jug] "In another life, windbag. But I remember this!"

Ed: "My dear friend the jug."

Edd: "That's a pitcher, Ed. And it's quite familiar to many of our Ed-ventures!"

Eddy: "It's from when you had the hiccups, Double D! Remember?"

[Eddy flashes back. The Eds and Nat are watching Rolf garden from a fence.]

Eddy: "Course says Victor kicks Rolf in the head again."

Ed: "My turn!"

[Edd hiccups.]

Edd: "Seems an air bubble has lodged itself within my–" [hiccup]

[Edd clamps his hands over his mouth, but another hiccup comes. Eddy laughs. Edd runs home.]

Eddy: "C'mere, I'll get rid of em." [Eddy follows Edd to his kitchen. Edd blows into a paper bag.]

Edd: [hiccup] "Oh dear." [He blows in again. Eddy sharpens one of his hairs. Edd hiccups again.] "Oh my." [Blows in again. Eddy pops the bag with his hair. Edd goes flying under a cabinet.]

Eddy: "There, they're gone!"

Ed: "Hiccups have left the building, Eddy!"

Nat: "Double D are you ok?"

[Edd hiccups, and an electrical outlet pops out of the wall.]

Nat: "I guess not."

Eddy: "Strong hiccups."

Ed: [carrying Edd over] "Quick, Eddy, do something, Double D is gonna–" [hiccup] "–explode!"

[Ed throws Nat and Eddy on top of Edd and sits on all three of them, fingers in his ears.]

Eddy: "Ed, you idiot, this ain't gonna get rid of the hiccups!"

Nat: "I can't breath!"

[A hiccup throws them all off.]

Edd: "Water! I need water!" [He runs to the sink and pours a glass. Before he can drink, he hiccups, soaking himself. Edd gets another glass, hiccups again, spills again.]

Eddy: "You're doing it all wrong, you're supposed to drink it upside down."

[Eddy turns Edd upside down and pours a jugful of water into him. Edd hiccups and swallows the jug.]

Ed: "Let's scare 'em, Eddy." [He peels Edd's jaw open and shouts inside it.] "I AM A ZOMBIE AND I WILL MALICE YOU WITH A SHOEHORN!" [Hiccup.]

Edd: [stupified] "Malice me with a shoehorn?!" [Hiccup. Hiccup. lands headfirst into the floor with the rest of his body sticking out vertically]

[Eddy laughs, bringing them back to the present.]

Edd: "Hiccups? Me?"

Eddy: "It lasted for two days!"

Nat: "I don't remember that either."

Edd: "I'm sure I would have remembered involuntary spasms of my own diaphragm, Eddy."

Ed: "I just remembered something I forgot!" [holding up a spatula] "See? A flipper."

Edd: "That's a spatula, Ed."

Eddy: "Cool! From when we spray painted that gold jewelry!"

Ed: "Incorrection!"

Edd: "Ed's right, Eddy. This is clearly from when we bartered eggs from Rolf."

Ed: "Wrong!" [He grabs the spatula from Edd.] "Oh look, a flipper!"

Eddy: "It's a spatula, stupid."

Ed: "It reminds me of when we made that giant pancake! Drool I must. Yum."

Nat: "Giant pancake?"

[Ed remembers the pancake incident. Eddy is mixing a giant bowl of batter above the cul-de-sac. The cul-de-sac is covered in grease, and it is going to be a frying pan.]

Eddy: "Mixing this batter is killing my arms."

Nat: "I'll help you Eddy." 

Eddy: "Ed! Get over here!"

[Ed jumps on Edd, squashing him into the grease. Ed slides over to Eddy.]

Nat: "Batter is all stirred Eddy."

Eddy: "Griddle greased up, Double D?" [Edd rises, covered in oil.]

Edd: [disgusted] "Cooking oil in place, Eddy."

Eddy: "Sweet! Get an agent, boys and girl, 'cause we're gonna make the world's biggest pancake!"

Ed: "I love pancakes, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Shut up and pour, Lumpy."

[Ed and Eddy start to tip the giant bowl of mixed batter. Edd, wringing himself out, hears the joy of kids playing.]

Edd: "Excuse me, Eddy. Everyone seems to have mistaken our griddle for a skating rink."

[The kids are skating on the oil. Ed continues to tip the batter.]

Eddy: "Hey, you kids! Get outta my frying pan!" [The batter reaches the tipping point.]

Edd: "Ed, wait!" [The batter begins to slosh out.]

Jimmy: "Holy mackerel! Tidal wave!"

[The batter lands and covers the oil. The kids are crushed beneath it. The Eds and Nat watch in awe.]

Edd: "Ed, what in heaven's name have you done?!"

Ed: [oblivious] "It's a boy!"

Edd: [raising the spatula] "Fear not, people, as I have a spatula!"

Eddy: "Oh no you don't!" [He drags Edd back.] "I'm the cook around here, so I get the spatula."

[The pancake finishes cooking. Ed drools.]

Ed: "Yum."

[Ed tears off a bite of the pancake and eats it. He finishes the food and pulls Kevin's shorts out of his mouth.]

Ed: "I got a prize, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Hey! Keep your mitts off my pancake!"

[Eddy lifts one end of the breakfast with his spatula. The kids reach out from underneath and grab him. A brawl breaks out underneath the pancake.] "It wasn't me!" [We come back to the present.]

Ed: "Ah, the good ol' days."

Eddy: "We never made no giant pancake!"

Ed: "Did too! Proof: a flipper."

[Eddy, angry, attacks Ed.]

Nat: "Guys please stop!"

Edd: [as the duo fight] "Gentlemen, please. This project was meant as a commemoration of friendship, a retrospective of days gone by."

Eddy: [grabbing Ed] "Admit it, you made that up!"

Ed: [happy] "WAIT!" [He looks at the spatula.] "Now I remember as though it were today."

[Ed flashes back to the beginning of the episode, at the scene where Eddy is staring at the suitcase. Once again, we see Edd entering with the same box he was holding from the start.]

Edd: "Well, hello, Eddy! Fashionably late as usual!"

Eddy: "Late? Late for what?"

Edd: [placing items in the suitcase] "Our time capsule, Eddy. Remember? We were to gather a few of our pogniant possesions–"

[Stars burst across the screen. Eddy has just hit Ed with a fish.]

Eddy: "I hate clip shows!"

Edd: "Eddy! You stop right there, mister!" [He puts an ice pack on Ed's head.] "Remember when you used that fish to duel with Rolf?"

Eddy: "No more remembering!" [He chases Edd around the yard.]

Ed: [getting up] "Wow, lookee here. Isn't this ice pack from when we destroyed Jonny's house?"

Eddy: "Quit breaking up the past!" [He begins chasing Ed.]

Edd: "Funny, 'cause this reminds me of a number of occasions where you chased–"

Eddy: "Shut up!" [He goes after Edd.]

Edd: "Ed, do something!"

Ed: "Good times, huh, Nat?"

Nat: "More or less."


	92. Thick as an Ed

[It is night in Ed's bedroom. Slowly, the sun rises, and Ed falls out of bed. He lies on the floor, sleeping happily. Sarah opens his window and looks in.]

Sarah: "ED! GET UP, STUPID! MOM SAYS TO MAKE SURE YOU WALK ME TO JIMMY'S! Wasn't that sweet of me to remind you?"

[Sarah leaves. Ed sits on the floor, bleary-eyed.]

[Sarah rides her tricycle on the grass outside her front door. Ed opens the door, carrying his shoes in his teeth and with his pants around his knees. He pulls up his pants and trips as he comes out.]

Ed: "Big brother is here, Sarah. Yep. Just tyin' my shoe." [He sleepily fails to tie it.] "Here we go." [He tries again and falls asleep.]

Sarah: "Ah, who needs ya." [She rides off to Jimmy's by herself.]

[Ed, still in the pose of tying his shoe, is sleeping. Lines appear on his face, and we get to see his dream world: a crayon-drawn reckoning of how he sees things. We start up with a door and a floating 1.]

Ed: [stepping outside] "1, 2, tie my shoe! 3, 4, close the door!" [The numbers float past. Ed slams the door, collapsing the house.] "5, 6, grab some sticks!" [He yanks some lampposts out of the ground.] "7, 8, lay them straight." [He drops them on a giant Jonny.] "9, 10, a big fat hen!" [He hugs a hen, which trumpets like an elephant and then flies off. Ed then hatches from one of its eggs.] "11, 12..."

Eddy: "Ed!" [Ed's body jerks as if he's being hit, and he wakes up.] "Get up, stupid. You're wasting time! Today's the day, buddy boy. The scam to end all scams. Our Triple-E Frog Jumping Derby! After we charge the saps for a frog-rental fee, they'll race for the grand prize, mittens!" [He holds up a tiny pair of mittens.]

Ed: "Lucky dogs."

Eddy: "You got that right."

Edd: [towing a wagon] "Gentlemen, We've located a pond, and acquired all the required accoutrements in order for us to draft our frog competitors for today's derby."

Eddy: "We're gonna be rich!" [pinching Edd's cheek] "You're a peach."

Ed: "Evil! Bad!"

[Ed is trying to put on a pair of goggles.]

Edd: "Here Ed, let me help you."

[Edd sniffs the air, and all the color drains from his body. He runs back about ten feet.]

Nat: "Double D what's wrong?"

Edd: "There's a horrible odor coming from you-know-who!"

Ed: [sitting in the wagon] "North to Alaska!"

Eddy: "Ed? Stinks? So what else is new?"

Nat: "Hang on Double D let me fix you."

[Nat takes out a bunch of crayons and colors Edd back to normal.]

Edd: "Not like this, Eddy. I think I'm gonna be sick!" [He runs off.]

Eddy: "What about my scam?"

Ed: "Maybe his mommy called him." [falsetto] "Come home Eddward and pickle your feet!"

[Nat pulls her sweater collar up to her nose.]

Eddy: [pushing Ed away] "Pee-yew, Ed! Did something crawl on ya and die?"

[Edd comes back, carrying cleaning materials.]

Eddy: "Where'd you go? We got frogs to catch!"

Edd: "Not until I determine the origin of Ed's foul exhalation." [He pulls out a fly tied to a ball of yarn.]

[The fly heads for Ed and flies around him. It heads towards Ed's pocket.]

Ed: "Hello, fly."

[The fly sniffs the pocket and drops dead.]

Edd: [panic-stricken] "THERE! IN HIS POCKET!"

Eddy: "Quit yelling in my ear."

Ed: "Don't make me laugh. All that's in here is my lucky cheese chunk." [He pulls out a piece of stinky cheese.]

Nat: [under her collar] "Good grief!"

Edd: "Oh, my lord!" [He gags.]

Ed: "Say hello to Double D and Nat, Sheldon."

[Nat gags]

Edd: "That's disgusting, Ed!"

Ed: "No, that's Sheldon. He's lived in my pocket for 57 days now."

Edd: [running away] "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–––!" [Eddy drags him back.]

Eddy: "Oh no, you don't. I need you to help catch frogs, Double D. We're gonna be rich! Ed, you and Sheldon get the wagon."

[Ed smiles and tucks Sheldon away in his pocket.]

[The Eds and Nat run up to the creek.]

Eddy: "Those saps won't know what hit 'em! It's the best scam in the whole stinkin world!" [He leaps on Ed.] "Do you remember your job there, Stinky?"

Ed: "I am the frog wrangler! So you don't have to touch those slimy weasels."

Eddy: [looking at the creek] "So where's the frogs?"

Edd: [looking at a map] "Albeit dated, this map clearly states that–" [Ed looks over his shoulder. Edd moves away.] "Um, that the common frog does–" [he shifts position] "Reside within the confines of this pond."

[Ed comes up from underneath, knocking Edd skyward. When Edd lands, his head is submerged in Ed's cheese pocket.]

Edd: "RANCID MOLDY CHEESE!" [vigorously washing himself] "I refuse to participate any further until Ed washes that offensive, putrified jacket of his!"

[Eddy takes the map from Ed and shoves it into Edd's chest.]

Eddy: "Quit rocking the boat. We got people to filch." [He looks into the creek's depths.] "Is that a frog, or boot?"

Ed: "A boot?" [He hurries over to look.]

Eddy: "There. See it? What is that?"

Ed: "Kinda looks like Abraham Lincoln, Eddy."

Eddy: "What're ya talking about?"

[While Eddy submerges his face, Edd attempts to remove Ed's jacket with a large stick. Ed notices and pulls the stick through, pulling Edd into his jacket.]

Ed: "Comfy?"

Edd: "FILTHY! CRUDDY! SMELLY!" [He runs into a magical portable shower that has suddenly appeared and begins washing.] "Ed, I insist you remove that jacket immediately!"

Nat: "Where did that shower come from?"

Ed: "Okay. If you gimme your hat." [Eddy groans in exasperation.]

Edd: [dressed] "My hat? Why, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Absolutely not."

Eddy: "Give him the stupid hat so we get some frogs."

Edd: "The point here is, my hat doesn't smell."

Ed: "Oh yes, it does."

Edd: [indignantly] "No, it does not. You're just saying that because I said your jacket stank."

Ed: "Stinky hat."

Edd: "You've got a repulsive, fermenting detachment of cheese in your pocket, Ed."

Ed: "Stinky hat."

Edd: "Odiferous curd coat."

Ed: "Stinky hat."

Edd: "Rancid Roquefort wrap!"

Ed: "Stinky hat!"

Edd: "REPUGNANT PARMESAN POCKET!"

Ed: "Oh, yeah? STINKY HAT!"

Edd: "COAT OF CANTANKEROUS CAMEMBERT!!"

Ed: "STINKY HAT!!"

Eddy: "SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!"

Edd: "Humph." [He turns away from Ed.]

Ed: "Humph." [He turns away from Edd.]

Nat: "This isn't going to work Eddy."

Eddy: "Oh, come on. WE GOT A SCAM TO RUN HERE!!!!!"

Edd: "I'm sorry, Eddy. I can't work under these conditions."

Eddy: "Oh yes you can. You just worry about getting those frogs, and I'll take care of Ed."

[Eddy runs over and tries to steal Ed's jacket.]

Ed: "Hey!"

Eddy: "What? The frogs'll recognize ya, Lumpy. What you need is a disguise."

Ed: "A disguise?"

Eddy: "Hurry! Get undressed. I got an idea."

Ed: "Frogs are so stupid!" [He leaps out of his clothes.] "Hooray!"

Eddy: [to Edd] "You owe me."

[Eddy is surveying the pond.]

Eddy: "Try showing some more leg, Ed!"

[Ed, dressed as a bikini-wearing frog, stretches his leg out. Nat makes a disturbed face.]

Edd: "Eddy!" [He is propping up Ed's clothes in a closed-off circle of land.] "This delicate procedure requires your assistance please!" [handing over a jar] "Hold this." [He uses two tongs to fish in the pocket.]

Eddy: "What's takin ya?"

Edd: "Back up! Back up!" [He drops the cheese in the jar and shuts the lid. He then happily sniffs the air.] "Success."

Eddy: "Good! Now can you and Ed kiss and make up? 'Cause we got my retirement to think of!"

Ed: "Ah ha!"

[Ed steps onto dry land, cutting a quite unimposing figure in his costume.]

Ed: "That's my lucky cheese chunk!" [He grabs the jar.]

Eddy: "We're never gonna get these frogs!"

[Ed puts on his clothes.]

Edd: [clamping on to the lid] "I beg you! In the name of all that is decent, please don't open this jar, Ed!"

Ed: "No go, Joe! It might spoil."

[Ed pulls Edd off and unscrews the lid. Edd gets a blast of the stench right in the face.]

Edd: "DEFILED! SOILY! PROFANE!" [He falls to the ground gasping. Ed pulls out Sheldon and kisses him.]

[Nat turns green]

Ed: [putting Sheldon in his pocket] "Home sweet home, huh Sheldon?"

Edd: [after puking into a bag] "I can't take it anymore! I'm on the edge of solitary collapse!" [dramatic] "Too late. Everything's gone black! Black is the mold that permeates Ed's lucky cheese!" [He pulls out a pillow and faints onto it.] "Port ahead, brave friend. I'm sure–" [he coughs] "–I'm sure your Triple-E Frog Jumping Derby will do well with out me." [He clutches his heart and passes out. Nat crawls to him.]

Nat: "Double D?"

Ed: "Oh look, dirt!"

Eddy: "YOU'RE MESSING UP MY SCAM!" [He tackles Ed.] "Get rid of that stupid jacket, Ed."

Ed: [throwing Eddy off] "Tag! You're it!"

Eddy: "Take it off!" [He chases Ed in a circle around part of the creek until he falls into the water. While submerged, he has an idea. He climbs out soaked and walks up to Ed.] "Look at me, Ed. I'm all wet and freezing-like. I could sure use something to keep me warm, like your jacket!"

Ed: "Got a towel, Eddy." [He gives Eddy a stained, worn towel.]

Edd: "Drat!"

Eddy: [pursuing another course] "Okay, wait! I know. Let's start up a new country! And we'll call it...Edtropia! Yeah yeah! You'll be a bigshot! The Grand Poobah of All Zombies! Um, and those zombies will salute Edtropia's new flag: your jacket!"

Ed: "Cool, zombies! Wave the flag, Eddy!"

[Eddy wastes no time in taking the jacket. He rapidly climbs a gigantic tree and ties the jacket to the top of it. He then comes down to earth and runs up to Ed.]

Eddy: "How bout them frogs, huh? You too, De Niro."

Edd: "I'd be happy to assist you, Eddy."

[High above them, Ed's jacket waves in the breeze. The cheese in the pocket works its way to the edge and falls out. It comes straight down, striking Edd on his head as he strides forth. Upon being hit, Edd stops in his tracks, turns to ashes, and crumbles to dust upon the ground.]

Eddy: "Just think, Ed. You'll be able to buy a brain, we'll be so rich!"

Ed: [spotting the piece of cheese] "Look! It's Sheldon!" [He picks it up.] "And to think I almost forgot you!"

Eddy: [shaking with rage] "Oh, Ed?" [He grabs the cheese.] "RAAAH!"

[With a shriek of rage, Eddy grabs the cheese chunk and heaves it into the creek, where it sinks. Ed rushes to the side of the creek as many dead fish burble up to the surface.]

Edd: "Well! That was economical! Triple-E Frog Jumping Derby, here we come!" [Edd spots the tearful Ed.] "Ed?" [He pulls out a handkerchief.] "Maybe this'll help! Handkerchiefs can be lucky too."

Nat: "Ed you can hold my lucky penny."

Eddy: [fed up] "You guys'll need more than luck if we don't catch some frogs!"

Ed: "Okay. How about–" [he pulls a fish skeleton tied around his neck from inside his shirt] "–Angus, my more-than-lucky fishy?"

Nat: "Oh no."

Edd: [leaping back] "Ed! Get rid of that carcass immediately!"

Ed: "Stinky hat!"

Edd: "Sure-deficient flounder!"

Ed: "Stinky hat!"

Edd: "Tainted trout top!"

Ed: "Stinky hat!"

Edd: "Eddy!"


	93. Sorry, Wrong Ed

[Shovelfuls of dirt fly over a fence. The Eds and Nat look out and see Rolf working furiously, a saltshaker on his head. Rolf shakes the salt into a bag and unknots it, revealing a fancy phone.]

Eddy: "Check out the phone! Rolf! How's a dud like you get a happening phone like this?"

Rolf: "Stay back!" [He picks the phone up with a shovel and holds it over the hole.]

Eddy: "You ain't throwing it away, are ya, stretch?"

Rolf: "Ask no questions!" [He dumps the phone in the hole.] "Shlack nor dah!" [Rolf buries it.]

Edd: "A ceremonial telephone burial? My, how quaint."

Nat: "I agree."

Ed: "Can I help, Rolf?"

Rolf: "Step no further! Rolf must complete this task forced upon him or we are all doomed!" [Eddy has taken the phone and is dusting it off.]

Eddy: "I'll give ya...a shoelace for it."

Rolf: "FOOL!" [He slaps the telephone into the hole, making Eddy's hand swell up like a beach ball, then buries it again.]

Edd: "Pardon me, Rolf, but how can a telephone be a messenger of doom?"

Rolf: [having buried the phone] "Know-nothing!"

Nat: "But you said-"

Eddy: "Don't bury it, give it to me!"

Rolf: "Walk away from the suffering that has cursed Rolf's family for generations, Ed-boy!"

Eddy: [leading Rolf away] "I got a feeling you cracked there, Dracula. Why don't you get Victor to give you a massage or something, and I'll guard the big bad phone for ya?"

Rolf: "Victor's hooves are magic on Rolf's hardened muscles. Thank you, Ed-boy! Thank you!"

Edd: "That was really nice of you, Eddy, to ease Rolf's intrinsic guilt."

Eddy: "Idiot." [Rolf turns the corner.] "Okay, Ed! Dig!"

Ed: "Goodie goodie!" [digging] "Dig a hole, dig a hole."

Nat: "Eddy this is a bad idea."

Edd: "Really, Eddy? Another knickknack for that already overstimulated room of yours?"

Eddy: "Jealous!"

[An errant clod of dirt hits Edd.]

Edd: "Ouch!"

[Eddy puts a record on and swats a candle off his bedside table. He places the telephone in the newly vacated spot and looks at it admiringly.]

Eddy: "Cuts a figure in society, don't it!"

Ed: "Is that a new phone?"

Nat: "Yes it is."

Edd: "Please stay with us, Ed."

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: "Somebody's calling me!"

Edd: "Strange. There doesn't seem to be any connection, yet–"

Eddy: "So? It's called a cordless, grampa." [answering] "Hello?"

[The record on the turntable wobbles and shoots off, hitting Eddy on the side of his head.]

Nat: "Eddy!"

Edd: "Edward!"

Ed: "Yes, Mommy?"

Eddy: "What's with you?"

Ed: "It wasn't me, Eddy!" [He hangs the phone up.] "Honest and for truly!" [The phone rings.] "Got it!"

Eddy: "Get away from my phone, stupid! It's probably Nazz."

Edd: "And I'm Theodore Geisel."

Eddy: [picking up the phone] "What's cookin, good lookin?"

[A spring from his bed suddenly shoots up, sending Eddy flying towards the ceiling. Eddy falls back down onto the spring, wrapping himself in it. Nat pulls Eddy out.]

Ed: "I know where you're going with this, Eddy!" [He climbs into bed.] "Nighty-night."

Edd: "Looks like you could use a new mattress, Eddy. Shall we ask Rolf if he's buried one somewhere?"

Eddy: [distracted] "Yeah, sure. Rolf?"

[The phone rings again.]

Edd: "Could be all those swooning adolescent girlfriends that reside in your own mind."

Eddy: "Yello?"

[A bicycle ice-cream-cart bursts through his door and rebounds off the wall and ceiling, landing on Eddy. Ed takes the phone.]

Ed: "Eddy's in pain now. He'll have to call you back." [He hangs up the phone.]

Edd: [walking outside] "What an unfortunate set of circumstances."

Nat: "I agree."

[Eddy runs out and places the phone on his patio. He then goes back and cowers in his room.]

Eddy: "Something's up with this phone!"

[It rings, and Ed goes to get it.]

Ed: "Sarah!"

Eddy: [holding his friend back] "Let it ring, Ed! Pretend we're not home!"

[Ed throws Eddy at the phone.]

Ed: "It's for you, Eddy!"

[Eddy hits the phone, knocking it off its perch. He stands up and looks around warily, afraid of the next disaster. Fearfully, he picks up the receiver.]

Eddy: "Hello?"

[A skunk tail protrudes from a bush beside him. Eddy gets blasted. The skunk walks away.]

Edd: "Oh look, Ed, a skunk! Did you know in some places it's also known as a polecat?"

Ed: "Who stepped on a duck?"

Nat: "Eddy are you ok?"

Eddy: "THIS STUPID PHONE'S CURSED!" [He runs inside and starts applying deodorant.]

Edd: [outside] "Oh come now, Eddy. These unfortunate mishaps are random at best. Any relationship to Rolf's 'Telephone of Doom' is pure coincidence."

Eddy: "I say we test it."

Edd: "Test it?"

Ed: "Like mustard?"

[Eddy, wearing a helmet and behind a blockade, is working a makeshift air-raid siren.]

Eddy: "Evacuate the area! Man your stations!"

[Ed, wearing a mattress and helmet and carrying the phone with hockey sticks, sets the phone in the middle of the construction site.]

Eddy: "Easy, Ed. Easy...stand clear, Lumpy!" [Ed hustles off.]

Edd: "Honestly, Eddy, it's just a phone."

[Eddy raises the binoculars and looks at the cursed phone.]

Eddy: "What's taking it?"

Edd: "Maybe it's on to us, Eddy." [He giggles, and the phone rings.]

Eddy: "Ah ha!" [Ed stands by the phone, not answering it.] "You're supposed to answer it, idiot!"

[Eddy crouches behind the barricade.]

Ed: "Hello?"

[Nothing happens.]

Edd: "There. Your test proves it, Eddy. Any correlation between the phone and your accidents is–"

[A lightpole breaks and falls on Eddy.]

Eddy: [crushed] "Ow."

Nat: "I'll help you Eddy." [She pulls Eddy out]

Edd: "I assure you, there is a rational reason for this mischance, Eddy." [He picks something up from the base.] "Ah! Here's your culprit. Just a rusty worn nut."

Eddy: [dazed] "Bad phone...evil...rotten..."

Ed: "And itchy."

[The phone rings.]

Eddy: "Don't answer it, Ed!"

Edd: "Rusty worn nut, Eddy!"

Ed: [answering the call] "Me again!"

[Eddy, fearful, looks up at another light. He pushes Ed in front of him in order to keep the light away. From behind, a giant concrete pipe rolls onto him.]

[Rolf is relaxing is his home when somebody knocks on his door. He opens it, a steaming cup of cocoa in hand.]

Rolf: "Can the son of a shepherd assist you?"

Eddy: "Yeah, take back your stupid phone, it's cursed I tell ya!" [He gives Rolf the phone.]

Rolf: [realizing he holds the phone] "Yiglac! You have resurrected the dispatcher of despair! Let it be on your head!" [He tosses Eddy the phone.]

Eddy: "Ach! It's yours, you keep it!" [He throws it to Rolf.]

Rolf: "Half-wit Ed-boy!" [Ed captures it.]

Ed: "Hot potato!" [Edd catches it.]

Edd: "If I may interject–" [Eddy throws Edd at Rolf, and Rolf throws him to Ed.] "People, please! Control yourselves!" [Ed tosses Edd back to Rolf.] "Wait! You've let a common household phone feed upon your lack of rational thinking!" [Eddy catches Edd, and Edd clings to Eddy. Eddy tries to throw him.] "Eddy!" [Eddy throws Edd off the phone and tries to hand it to Rolf.]

Eddy: "Rolf! Take it back! Take it, take it!" [Rolf, backing up, pushes his house back.]

Rolf: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Eddy: "I'm begging you!"

Rolf: "What is that? Who are you?"

[Rolf darts inside, slamming the door in Eddy's face. The phone rebounds and flies towards Ed.]

Ed: "I got it, I got it!" [He catches the phone.]

[The phone rings.]

Edd: "Oh, for goodness sake!" [picking up the phone] "Let's put an end to this once and for all!" [on the phone] "Hello, Eddward Double-D speaking."

[A truck comes along and crushes Eddy.]

Eddy: "Mommy!"

[Jonny is waiting outside an outhouse. Eddy runs along the sidewalk and spots Jonny. Jonny looks up only to see that Eddy is nowhere to be found. Eddy suddenly appears right in front of Jonny.]

Eddy: "Hey Jonny boy! Here! Have a phone!" [He gives Jonny the phone.] "Yours to keep! Free!" [Ed slathers glue on Jonny's head.] "We'll just–glue it to your head so you don't lose it! Okay?"

Jonny: [confused] "Oh-kay?"

[Eddy happily takes his friends and runs off.]

Jonny: "Plank, get out here! We just scored the coolest phone!"

[Eddy runs down the sidewalk, juggling his friends.]

Eddy: "Woohoo! I'm off the hook!" [singsong] "No more bad luck!"

Ed: "Or bathtub rings!"

Edd: "I'm gonna be sick!"

Nat: "I've got a bad feeling."

[Eddy drops them and laughs.]

Eddy: "No more cursed phones for this guy."

Edd: "Telephone's aren't CURSED EDDY, THEY'RE PLASTIC! Calm down, Double D. Think ocean waves, sea mammals, arias."

Ed: "Was that your dark side, Double D?"

Eddy: "Shake a leg, girls! There's still enough light to get a scam in before shut-eye!"

Ed: "Didn't hear a word you said, Eddy!"

Edd: "Count me in, Eddy. I'm all for a bit of normality after a day like today."

[Eddy is running a scam in front of his house. Ed draws on a cover of a box of "Ed Flakes" cereal.]

Ed: "Well, that's a keeper."

Eddy: "Rise and shine, folks! Get your Ed Flakes cereal here!"

Edd: [carrying milk] "Excuse me, Eddy, but wouldn't a breakfast venture be more suited to a morning clientele?"

Eddy: "This ain't your same ol' same ol' breakfast cereal, Double D. It's one hundred percent–" [he pulls on a wire] "–curse free!" [A sign unfolds bearing the declaration.]

Edd: [flabbergasted] "Eddy, get off this curse fixation! There's no. Such. Thing!"

Eddy: "Says you." [A tree falls onto him, crushing the scam.]

Ed: "Good morning, tree."

Eddy: [crawling out] "See? Whaddya call that?"

[Eddy looks around nervously. Suddenly, a bucket and shovel fall into his hands. He looks up just in time to see a sandbox fall onto him. The sand follows shortly thereafter. A rumbling is heard.]

Eddy: "HIPPOS!" [He is trampled by the rampaging herd. Nat stares in shock. Edd grins widely.]

Edd: [ecstatic] "Ah-ha! Proof positive! These unfortunate incidents have been nothing more than coincidence! Look around you, Eddy, and what do you see?" [Eddy is struck by lightning.] "Nothing! Do you see a phone? I don't see a phone. No phone, no curse. I rest my case."

Eddy: "WHY ME?!" [He tries to run away, but is crushed by a wall when his house falls apart.]

Edd: "Coincidence, Eddy!"

[The cursed phone rings. Jonny picks it up and hands it to Plank. In the distance, a crunch and Eddy's scream can be heard. Jonny replaces the phone on its stand, where it rings again.]

Jonny: "Boy, Plank, you sure are a popular guy!"

Plank:

[Eddy screams as something else falls on him.]

Eddy: "HELP ME!"

[Nat hears ringing and goes to see where it's coming from. She sees Jonny constantly answering the phone. She pulls the phone off his head.]

Nat: "Don't ask."

[Nat throws the phone against a tree and it breaks. The Eds witness this.]

Eddy: "Thank you."

Edd: "Nat why did you do that?"

Nat: "Because I wanted to end this whole thing." 

Edd: "But it's a-

Nat: "Look Double D you can believe whatever you want but that's no excuse to disregard Eddy's well being."

Edd: "But-"

Nat: "No buts you're behaving out of character and I know your better than this."

[Edd becomes shocked at Nat's reaction then looks over at Eddy's injured state. After a moment he makes a look of guilt.]

Edd: "You're right Nat I let my common sense get in the way of my compassion." [He helps Eddy] "Eddy I apologize for my irrational behavior toward you."

Eddy: "Don't worry about it."

[Nat smiles]


	94. Robbin' Ed

[Sarah and Jimmy clap. Edd, Nat and Eddy are behind a desk, displaying their newest scam.]

Eddy: "Does your life stink like this guy's?" [Ed is standing underneath a hose, getting soaked.] "Not with this Thingamajig!" [He presses a button, and a hat pops out of the dispenser onto Ed's head. Ed smiles, and the watching kids clap.] "Stupefying, isn't it? But that ain't all a Thingamajig can do!"

Nat: [reading from a script] "Wow!"

Edd: [reading from a script before looking at the audience] "There's more?" [He grins sheepishly.]

Eddy: "A lot more! Average Joe?" [He points to Ed. Ed doesn't say his line, so Eddy slaps Average Joe.]

Ed: "I have nowhere to sit!"

Eddy: "No problemo, Joe! The Thingamajig here is the only thing you'll ever need!"

[Eddy puts the contraption on the ground and presses the button. A chair shoots out of it and lands right behind Ed. Ed sits in it, happy.]

Edd: [reading, then looking at the camera] "No pro-ble-mo!"

Eddy: "It changed my life!"

Nat: [reading while walking towards the kids] "Your good looks won't sell me that fast, mister!" 

Edd: "What's this gonna cost us hard-working stiffs?" [Jimmy peeks at the script, and Edd hides it.]

Sarah: "Yeah, I bet it costs a lot!"

Eddy: "A techno-marvel like this could cost you up to a million bucks! But for the next five minutes, you can have it for one easy payment of twenty-five cents!"

[The kids eagerly rush up and buy the Thingamajig boxes.]

Rolf: "Rolf's yams inflate with glee at this thingamajig!"

Sarah: "Let's go try it, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "Gee whillikers, Sarah, this Thingamajig rocks my socks!"

Edd: [after they leave] "Gentlemen, I distinctly remember assembling only one Thingamajig. How could we sell more than one Thingamajig when only one exists?"

[Ed and Eddy giggle.]

Nat: "Oh no."

[Nat and Edd, horrified, rushes to the boxes and throws one open. It contains nothing but light bulbs. Edd looks at his friends while Ed continues to laugh, causing Eddy to hit him with a boxing glove from the Thingamajig.]

Nat: "Really Eddy?"

Edd: "Eddy, how could you? You falsely swindled those unsuspecting children out of their allowances. Oh, I know, that's what we do in every show! But not like this! Double dipping within one deception is wrong!"

[Throughout his griping, Eddy is bent down; he then stuffs a sock in Edd's mouth.]

Eddy: "Let's go buy some jawbreakers." [He runs off.]

[Nat takes out the sock.]

Ed: "Are you going to finish that?"

[The Eds and Nat run down the lane. Behind them, a shadowy figure alights on a tree branch.]

Ed: "Running!"

[The figure looks down suspiciously and then takes off again. Eddy continues down the lane. Nat and Ed, eating the sock, follows. She suddenly sees something and backtracks.]

Nat: "Oh, look! Up in the sky!" [The figure is silhouetted against the sky, perched on a telephone wire.]

Edd: "Is that a bird?"

Ed: "Could be a plane!"

Eddy: "What bird? Does it have a quarter in its mouth? 'Cause if I get my hands on it I'll–"

[The figure zip-lines down the wire, kicking Eddy in the face. Eddy sails into a dumpster. The figure lets go of the wire and falls.]

Eddy: "Oh, my aching–"

[The dark figure lands on the dumpster lid, bringing it down on Eddy. Eddy loses his jar. Not missing a beat, the marauder grabs it.]

Ed: "Holy cow!"

[The unnamed masked marvel leaps on Eddy, using him as a diving board. He leaps into the construction site and takes off with Eddy's rotten spoils.]

Eddy: "Hey! Get back here with my money!" [Nat notices some acorns at the scene of the crime.]

Nat: "Acorns?"

Ed: "Did you see that?" [excited] "He just swooped in and Pow! Right in your kisser, Eddy. I bet he's got like mutant-power feet or something!"

Eddy: [He opens his mouth around Ed's head.] "HE STOLE MY CASH!"

Edd: "I wonder who this mysterious marauder could be. It seems odd that he'd appear out of nowhere just in the nick of time."

Eddy: "Oh, I know who it is!" [He pauses.] "Okay, so I don't know."

[The kids are at the Thingamajig stand, grousing. Jimmy runs up.]

Jimmy: "Sarah, Sarah! My box had no Thingamajig!"

Sarah: "Mine was full of bricks, Jimmy!"

Jimmy: "I've been foist upon, Sarah!" [He cries.]

Rolf: [throwing his box, his sleeves rolled up to show his muscles] "Rolf will teach those riff-raff Ed-boys with his foot at their–"

[The jar of money lands in the middle of the gathering. The kids look up at the shadowy figure.]

Figure: "Your money is safe and sound, good citizens of the cul-de-sac! Rip-offs are a thing of the past, for I–" [The figure swoops up, revealing himself to be a superhero with a melon on his head. His sidekick is a board of wood tied to a broom.] "–Captain Melonhead, and Splinter the Wonderwood, will protect you!"

[Captain Melonhead zooms off.]

Rolf: "Is the circus in town?"

Sarah: "That guy saved our money!"

Jimmy: "Who was that masked marvel?"

[Edd is examining the crime scene.]

Edd: "Whomever it was seems to have a complex personality. Really, acorns?"

Eddy: "We gotta find this guy, and get my money!" [The kids run by, taunting the Eds.]

Sarah: Suckers!

Rolf: "No more the mister smart-guy, huh, Ed-boys?"

Jimmy: "I believe this belongs to you." [He puts the jar on the dumpster and runs after his friends.] "Free! We're free at last!"

Eddy: [looking into the jar, amazed] "That guy gave em back their money."

Ed: [standing on Eddy's head] "Oh boy! He must be some comic book hero guy!" [As he says this, Eddy sinks from Ed's weight.]

Edd: "Comic books? Really, Ed. What we have here is a carefree upstanding young man who's simply trying to do the right thing. Why, I applaud his–" [Eddy grabs him.]

Eddy: "Oh yeah?" [He stuffs Edd in the jar. Nat pulls him out] "This place ain't big enough for the two of us! I will have my day, scam wrecker-upper!" [He laughs evilly.]

[Edd, as an old man, is at a stand. He holds a fake quarter. The stand promises...Fresh Butts?]

Edd: "How embarrassing."

Eddy: [whispering through his teeth] "Hey! Now! Say it! Do it! C'mon!"

Edd: "Um, I would like to purchase one of your butts." [He gives Eddy the quarter.] "If I may. Please, take my hard-earned money!"

Eddy: [calling to the sky] "You got it, sucker! I mean, customer! Here's your brand-new butt!" [He gives it to Edd.]

Edd: "Oh, happy day! Thank you, dishonest store clerk! I will go and use my butt now!" [He walks down the street.] "Hey!" [He rubs his butt.] "Hold your horses! This butt's been used!"

Eddy: "Ha-ha! You've been fooled!" [through a megaphone] "I have ripped off the innocent yet again!" [whispering through the megaphone] "Keep an eye out, Ed."

[Ed peers from between a butt.]

Ed: "Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh–" [he spots Captain Melonhead] "I see him, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Right on time."

Captain Melonhead: [approaching the scam] "Shed a tear, 'cause Captain Melonhead is here!"

Eddy: "Waahaahaahaahaa!"

[Eddy leaps behind the scam and tears off all his clothes. He then takes his underwear back and leaps out.]

Eddy: "You've met your match, Melonhead! Prepare yourself for...Professor Scam!"

[Eddy is dressed in a purple cape, red gloves, a red mask, and red socks. He is wearing an undershirt and underwear. Professor Scam cackles evilly.]

Nat: "Oh no!"

Ed: "The evildoer has arrived!"

Edd: "He's lost it. Honestly."

Captain Melonhead: "Unhand that money, Professor Scam!"

Professor Scam: "Never!" [He steps on a pedal, and the counter disappears, replaced with a getaway vehicle.] "I will now make my escape in my bad-to-the-bone, meaner than a junkyard dog, Professor Scam Flyer!"

[The flyer drifts away as Professor Scam laughs. Professor Scam realizes he has no vehicle.]

Professor Scam: "Oops."

[Professor Scam makes a break for it on foot. Captain Melonhead whistles, and Splinter appears. They charge after Professor Scam.]

Captain Melonhead: "It's melon time!"

Ed: "Look out for those feet, Eddy!"

[Professor Scam darts through a gap in the fence into a yard. Captain Melonhead follows. He enters the yard and looks around, not seeing his nemesis. Suddenly, Professor Scam slams the door shut and leaps onto the hero.]

Ed: [watching] "Oh no! Double D and Nat! Professor Scam has unmasked Captain Melonhead!"

Nat: "He's been exposed!"

[Professor Scam leaps to his feet, brandishing the melon mask.]

Professor Scam: "You're through, Melonhead! Reveal yourself!"

[Captain Melonhead stands up, revealing he is still wearing the melon mask.]

Captain Melonhead: "There's two halves to every melon, Professor Scam!"

Edd and Nat: [impressed] "That was clever."

Professor Scam: "Oh yeah? Well my Ray-of-Riches will curl your toes!"

[Professor Scam shoots neon dollar signs out of his brain at Captain Melonhead.]

Captain Melonhead: "Think fast, Melonhead!" [He uses his mask to deflect and absorb the rays.]

Ed: "The Ray of Riches will never penetrate the Force-Peel of Melon!"

[Captain Melonhead is forced backward but continues to fight. Professor Scam advances on the hero. Captain Melonhead reaches into his pocket and pulls out an acorn. He rips the top off and throws the rest at his foe.]

Professor Scam: "Had enough, Melon–"

[The acorn enters the villain's mouth and lodges in his throat as Captain Melonhead watches and grins. He chokes. Suddenly, the acorn sprouts, and a giant oak emits from his mouth. It grows tall, and Professor Scam falls from the top. Captain Melonhead charges the falling professor and knocks him into the fence. Professor Scam slides down next to a hose. Professor Scam looks at the hose and gets an idea. Captain Melonhead dives at Professor Scam, ready to finish the job. Scam points the hose at Splinter the Wonderwood.]

Professor Scam: "Freeze, Melonhead! Or the sidekick swells up like a balloon!"

[The hero stops in midair. Professor Scam moves the hose closer to the Captain's sidekick.]

Captain Melonhead: "Splinter!" [angry] "This is between me and you, Professor Scam!"

Professor Scam: "Give me an excuse."

[Ed, Nat and Edd gulp.]

Captain Melonhead: "Wait! Take me! I'm the one you want!" [defeated] "I surrender, Professor Scam."

[Captain Melonhead and Splinter hang from a tree. They are tied together by a rope. Meanwhile, Ed and Edd push Ed's tub of gravy to underneath the duo. Ed and Edd are dressed as Eddy's minions.]

Ed: "But Eddy, not my gravy!"

Professor Scam: "Silence, henchman!"

Edd: "Oh come on, Eddy! Haven't you milked this enough? Look at me!" [He indicates his clothes.]

Professor Scam: "Will you guys just laugh like evil henchmen, for Pete's sake?"

[Ed and Edd look at him. Edd fakes an unenthusiastic laugh and Ed laughs tearfully.]

Professor Scam: [indicating the gravy] "Take a good look at your tomb of doom, Melonhead!"

[The Professor laughs evilly. Rolf, Nazz, and Kevin look over the fence.]

Rolf: [scared] "Look! Our hero dangles like Victor's milk spouts!"

Captain Melonhead: [confused] "Victor's got milk spouts?"

Professor Scam: "Your gravy grave awaits!" [He begins lowering the dynamic duo.]

Jimmy: "Egads!"

[Ed and Edd back towards the entrance to the yard.]

Ed: [unhappy] "My gravy, Double D!"

[Captain Melonhead and Splinter the Wonderwood descend towards the tub. Professor Scam laughs evilly as the kids watch, terrified. Our hero is an inch from the surface when someone yells stop. Everyone looks and sees a girl wearing a light pink turtleneck bodysuit with a white belt along with darker pink below elbow length gloves and below knee boots with a butterfly mask being carried by multiple butterflies. The butterflies gently places her on the ground.]

Girl: "Fear not Captain Melonhead for I, Butterfly Girl, have come to save you!" [She takes of her headband and throws it at the ropes, slicing through them. The headband returns and she catches it.]

[Captain Melonhead grabs the rope and swings to the fence where the kids are watching.]

Professor Scam: "Butterfly Girl!"

Butterfly Girl: "All in a days work!" [She leaves]

Kevin: "Leave a mark, Melon dude!"

Professor Scam: "I give! I give!"

[Captain Melonhead beats up his arch-nemesis. Nat shows up.]

Nat: "What did I miss?"

Edd: "Not much."

Ed: "My gravy is safe to ferment another day, Double D."

Edd: [happy] "Thank you for sharing that information, Ed."

[Captain Melonhead ties up Professor Scam and sends him flying through the fence. Ed, Nat and Edd smile, and the kids cheer. Captain Melonhead bows to the audience.]

Professor Scam: "Oh yeah?" [The kids look at him.] "Well don't count your seeds before they hatch, Melonhead. For like a bean burrito, I shall return! Henchmen, to the Scam Fortress!"

Edd: [placing a Caution sign over the hole in the fence] "It's all fun and games 'til someone gets a splinter."

[Edd eases out through the hole along with Nat. Ed grabs the defeated Professor Scam and follows Edd.]

Captain Melonhead: [giving a speech] "Citizens of the cul-de-sac. Professor Scam will no longer threaten your weekly allowances. As I, Captain Melonhead, and Splinter the Wonderwood, will always fight for justice and the–"

Kevin: "Give it a rest, Jonny."

Sarah: "Yeah, we already heard it."

[The kids take off.]

Jimmy: [waving goodbye] "Toodle-oo, Captain Melonhead!"

Rolf: "What a fine head of produce he has, yes?"

Captain Melonhead: [leaping off the fence] "Back to the Melon Cave, Wonderwood! Another day-OW! [He had hit a trash can.] And another donut, huh buddy?"

[Our heroes race into the sunset, ready to fight crime the next time it rears its surprisingly good-looking head.]


	95. A Case of Ed

[Kevin is in his bedroom, grumpily watching rolls of toilet paper fly past his window. Ed and Eddy laugh and continue to throw the paper. Jimmy walks past.]

Eddy: "Kevin looks like he's ready to bust an artery!"

[Jimmy, scared, goes back the way he came.]

Eddy: [grabbing Jimmy] "Have a soda, Curlylocks. We're celebrating!" [He shoves a soda bottle into Jimmy's retainer.]

Jimmy: "I don't want any part of this. You're in big trouble, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Old Shovel-Chin can't do nothing. He got grounded today!" [Kevin looks out angrily.] "A toast to Shovel-Chin!"

Ed: "With lots of butter!"

[Ed grabs Jimmy's bottle and gulps down the soda. As the bottle is wedged between Jimmy's cheek and his retainer, Jimmy is picked up and held upside down. Ed and Eddy finish their sodas, and Ed tosses Jimmy away. Jimmy slams into a tree as the bottle comes loose from its position. Nat and Edd appear with a wagonload of books.]

Nat: "I'm so glad I was able to find a book about ladybugs!"

Edd: "Indeed Nat, a daytime nap can invigorate, but nothing is more gratifying than a good book." [He gives Jimmy one of his books.]

Jimmy: "Owwa."

Eddy: "Quick! Nat and Double D! You're never gonna believe this. Kevin got–"

Edd: "Recycled books, Eddy! Look at this profusion of knowledge! The library was having a sale! How could I resist? Look at these gems! 'Nocturnal Burrowing Insects'!"

Ed: "Cool."

Edd: "'The Enchanted Spleen'!"

Ed: "Compelling."

Edd: "'Scores of Spores'."

Ed: "I can relate."

Edd: "'One Hundred and One Latin Party Jokes'!"

Ed: "Do tell!" [By this point, Eddy goes back to mocking Kevin and is sticking his tongue out at him.]

Edd: "'The Encyclopedia of Obscure Diseases'." [He looks inside.] "This looks edifying." [reading] "The Lackadaisy Cathro Disease. Listen to this, Nat. Symptoms include: the rationalization of mundane circumstances, habitual cleanliness, and an abnormal fixation to headwear!" [By the end of the entry, he has become very scared.]

Nat: "That sounds-"

Ed: "That sounds resembling. 'Cause it sounds like–uh–"

Eddy: "It sounds like Sockhead, bonehead." [They turn to Edd.]

Edd: "Me? Really?" [He tries to laugh it off.] "Why, that's just plain silly. I'll give you rationalizing, but habitual or abnormal fixation? Please." [He buries himself in the book, trying to find out about the disease.]

Nat: "What else does it say?"

Eddy: [snatching it away] "Did you hear what I said? Kevin's stuck in his room! Grounded, I tell ya!" [He points to a now empty room.] "Quick! He's hiding!" [He and Ed run off.]

[Eddy goes up to Kevin's door. He uses some cue stick chalk on his finger, and then uses the blue finger to press the doorbell. He rings it until an angry Kevin throws the door open. Kevin's throws out his fist.]

Eddy: "Ah ah ah. You're not supposed to be outside. You've been grounded."

[Kevin growls with frustration, and Eddy slams the door in his face. Eddy then runs back and starts to talk to Edd. Suddenly, Ed puts his foot against a window by Kevin. His big toe has a face painted on it.]

Ed: "Hello, Kevin. Why are you such a sad sack?" [He brings up his other foot. There is a face on its big toe as well.] "'Cuz he has been grounded. Oh, pardon me." [Ed unfurls the rest of his toes, each of which has a face on it, and laughs. Kevin just pulls the curtains shut.] "I should be in show business." [Eddy snickers at this.]

Edd: [still reading] "Nat, do I mumble my words?"

Nat: "I don't-"

Eddy: "Huh? You say something? Quit mumbling and put that book away."

Edd: [hiccuping] "Other symptoms include weakness in the lower extremities." [He looks down. His legs are wobbling.] "Eddy! I think I have Lackadaisy-Cathro Disease!"

[Edd becomes psychosomatic. His face goes white, bags form under his eyes, and he assumes a slumped posture. On top of this, he puts a thermometer in his mouth and an ice pack on his head.]

Nat: "Double D that can't be true."

Eddy: "Give it up, Double D. You're about as sick as Ed is."

Ed: [sticking his feet up] "Hello, I am Stinky. And I am Clammy." [He laughs.]

Eddy: [jokingly] "But now that you mention it, you do look kinda green around the gills."

Ed: "He does?"

Edd: [taking him seriously] "Oh, I'm so sick!" [He collapses. Nat catches him]

Eddy: [getting an idea] "Lemme see this thing." [reading] "Yep. This is you all over, Double D." [He and Ed snigger.] "It says here there's some tests to see how advanced it is."

Edd: "Tests? Of course, tests. Medical science will provide the answer."

[A doctor's bag is dropped on a table. Ed, dressed as a doctor, reads the disease book upside-down.]

Ed: "Paging Dr. Ed. Doctor Ed." [in a more serious tone] "One moment, please. I will be right with you."

Edd: [in a hospital gown] "I'm confused, Eddy. How is Ed qualified in–"

Eddy: "Say it ain't so, Double D! Confused? That's a symptom of that Lackadaisy Cathro Disease!" [He screams, then walks off with a fishing rod.] "I'll be back. Nice shorts, Romeo."

[Nat blushes. Edd looks down, then tries to stretch the gown so that it will cover his tuchus.]

Ed: [setting a stool behind his friend] "Please, rest your buttocks."

[Edd takes a seat. Eddy, meanwhile, walks up to Kevin's door, rod in hand. He looks through the mail slot. Kevin is trying to use a fork to jimmy the lock on a jar of cookies. Eddy casts his line in, and the hook catches on Kevin's shorts. Eddy snickers and reels the pants in. Kevin's whole suit of clothes comes out.]

Kevin: "Hey!"

[Ed pulls out an eggbeater.]

Edd: "An eggbeater, Ed? Is that part of–"

[Ed rams the beater into Edd's mouth and turns it. He then pulls it out and rams it into the ground, extending Edd's tongue. Ed then pulls out a banana tied to a tin can. He holds the banana to his ear and drops the can on Edd's tongue. Ed then lifts the can up and drops it on another section. He completes the tongue examination and unties Edd's tongue from the eggbeater. Ed then reaches down and takes off Edd's shoe. Ed chews and swallows the shoe.]

Ed: "How long have you been a size two?"

Edd: "Size two? But I've always worn a size five shoe, doctor!"

Eddy: "Sounds like another symptom to me. Did Doctor Ed give you the rubber glove treatment yet?"

Edd: "Oh, Eddy. This Lackadaisy Cathro Disease is progressing so rapidly. I'm so unwell."

Eddy: "Geez Louise! Has anybody tried to kick you yet?"

Edd: "...no."

Eddy: "Good. 'Cause that's the final symptom." [He puts a "Kick Me" note on Edd's back.] "You're in the clear, buddy boy!"

Edd: "Why, I feel better already. Thank you, Dr. Ed."

[Eddy's foot shoots out and nails Edd in the behind, rocketing him skyward.]

Nat: "Guys is this really-"

Eddy: "Oh no! I thought you didn't have that last symptom, Double D! You gotta fight this, man!"

Edd: "Doctor, please do something." [Eddy kicks Edd's butt again.]

Ed: "Next."

Edd: "Wait!" [straining to heave himself upright] "Tell me the truth, doctor. How long am I...for this world?"

Ed: "Um..." [thinking] "Till lunch?"

[Edd stands straight up. His mouth drops open, and the background is tinted red. His eyes look forward blindly.]

Eddy: [waving a paper] "Here! Quick! Write, hurry, Double D!"

Edd: "A poem on the beauty of life as I knew it?"

Eddy: "No. Your will." [Edd looks at the page tearfully.] "Leave me something nice."

Ed: "Ooh, ooh, and I will take your hat, thank you very much."

Edd: [crying] "Oh, Double D, I knew thee well!" [He runs off bawling. Eddy laughs and Ed starts to cry.]

Nat: "Double D wait!"

Ed: "Poor Double D!"

Eddy: "Double D isn't really sick, lummox. Remember?"

Ed: "That's some good TV right there."

Nat: "What?!"

[Eddy and Ed stare in shock, realizing what they said. Nat then scowls.]

Nat: "Eddy you can be a real stick in the mud." [she goes after Edd]

[Eddy stares for a moment then gets over it]

Eddy: "Now, back to our caged rat." [Kevin is polishing the insides of the windows.] "Hey Jughead! Over here!"

[Eddy pulls his pants down and moons Kevin, who turns green from nausea.]

Ed: "Whoa! I am turning into a werewolf, Eddy!"

[Edd looks down the lane. Behind him, he drags a wagon loaded with many of his possessions. Tears trickled down his stark white face.]

Edd: "My beloved peer group."

[Coming down the lane are the neighborhood kids, dressed to go swimming.]

Rolf: "Ed-boy! Why does your face sag lower than Nana's inner thighs? Come, join us for beachtime merriment and eggplant antipasto!"

Edd: [weeping] "Dear Rolf. Always giving–thoughtful–" [He breaks down completely.] "That's why–I want you–to have this." [He gives Rolf a light microscope.]

Rolf: "A peanut-smasher?"

Edd: [sobbing] "Oh, Rolf! You're so uneducated!" [He throws his arms around Rolf.]

Jonny: "Gloomy Gus is right, buddy."

Edd: "Jonny? Is that you? I'd like to bequeath to you my remote control."

Jonny: "Far out!"

[Edd simply weeps, turning his back to Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz.]

Sarah: "What's his problem?"

Jimmy: "The sickening pang of hope deferred, Sarah." [He notices the "Kick Me" sign and giggles.]

[Jimmy walks up and boots Edd in the behind. While by no means hurting Edd as much as Eddy's kicks must have, this still wounds Edd deeply.]

Edd: [despairing] "CURSE THIS DREADED LACKADAISY CATHRO DISEASE!" [He lapses into tears.]

[Nat catches up]

Nat: "Double D!"

[Edd weakly smiles at Nat]

Edd: "Nat my beloved female companion, I would be honored to give you my butterfly collection."

Nat: "But Double D-"

Edd: "Please do not interrupt me for there is something else that needs to be said."

Nat: "Um what is it?"

Edd: "I must tell you that I-"

Nazz: "Dude, looks like somebody's playing a joke on you." [She rips the note off of Edd's back and shows it to him.] "Don't sweat it, kay?" [She and the others walk off.]

Sarah: "What an idiot."

[Edd undergoes a miraculous recovery. He straightens up and color comes back into his face. He no longer looks like a sick man, a boy on his deathbed; rather, he looks like an hospital-gown clad suburban idiot.]

Edd: "Ooooh, those... those... rapscallions!"

Nat: "That's what I tried to tell you!"

[Kevin is bathed in darkness.]

Kevin: "Okay. Now I'm mad."

[On the outside, Ed and Eddy laugh. It seems that they have bricked up his house so no light can filter in.]

Edd: "ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELVES?"

Eddy: "Hang on there, Hamlet." [He resumes his laughter.]

Ed: "Too rich, huh, Double D?"

Edd: "LISTEN TO ME!!!"

Eddy: "How can we not?"

Edd: [holding up the note] "This was found on my body. You had me believe I was expiring!"

Eddy: [nervous] "Rage! Ain't that a symptom, Doctor Ed?" [He puts his arm around Ed and pulls his friend close. Too late, he realizes that he has actually put his arm around Kevin.]

Kevin: "I got out early, for good behavior." [He pounds his fist against his palm threateningly.]

Eddy: "KEVIN! Honest, I tried to stop him–" [He grabs Ed.] "But he insisted we bust your chops! He did!"

Ed: "Sponge stampede!" [He runs away with Eddy close behind.]

Kevin: "Get back here!"

[Ed and Eddy dart into Eddy's house and lock the door.]

Ed and Eddy: [singsong, as Kevin wrestles with the lock] "Kevin can't get us! Kevin can't get us!"

Eddy: [falsetto] "Oh no, Ed! I'm so scared!"

Ed: "I'm shaking like cheese." [They laugh and twirl around each other. Kevin shakes with rage.]

Edd: "Ahem." [to Kevin] "Oh, look! Eddy's spare house key!" [He shows it to Kevin and then drops it on the ground.] "Oops! How careless of me! I seem to have misplaced it!"

[Kevin, understanding where Edd's going, picks the key up. He unlocks the door and joins the dance. The dance continues until Eddy sees Kevin next to him.]

Eddy: "No! Not the face, Kev!" [Kevin begins beating on Eddy, and drags Ed down to join them.]

Edd: [dressed as a doctor] "Kevin's Justified Pummel Disorder. Symptoms are a bruised right eye, followed by a sore rear end, and a rapid release of hot air from an overinflated ego!" [He laughs.]

Nat: [dressed as a nurse] "Very well said Doctor D."

[Edd and Nat laugh]


	96. Run for your Ed

[It is late at night. In the Kankers' trailer, the sisters are snoring away peacefully. Suddenly, a noise awakens them.]

Marie: "What the heck was that!?!"

[The sisters open their bedroom door and look downstairs. The noises continue, and an empty can rolls out of a darkened room.]

May: "Somebody's in the kitchen, Lee!"

Lee: [entering the kitchen with a swordfish] "Ah-ha!" [Nobody is there, although the room is a mess. A window swings, demonstrating how the thief made his exit.] "Hey, where ya goin?"

Marie: "Yeah, we ain't done with you yet!"

Lee: [looking at the kitchen] "Typical. Whoever it was sure is a slob."

Marie: "Why's it always the good ones that get away?"

Lee: "That crumb ain't worth shedding tears over, Marie."

Marie: "Yeah. His loss. It's gonna take May forever to clean this mess!" [She and Lee laugh.]

Lee: "May. Good one."

[They stop laughing. May is standing at the kitchen door, looking up. In her eyes is a look of shock. Her sisters join her, and they fixate on a missing item: a ship in a bottle.]

Lee and Marie: "Holy Toledo!"

May: "Wait, let me!" [They try to pull it off the wall.]

Lee: "Leggo."

Marie: "It's mine!" [They pull the holder off the wall.]

May: "I got it!"

Marie: "Back off!"

Lee: "Enough already!" [She grabs the board.] "Somebody shanghaied our ship in a bottle!"

May: "It's our family heirloom!" [weeping] "We used to play with it on bath night in the old hometown!"

Marie: "I say we call the cops!"

May: [rushing to the phone] "What number do you dial for 9-1-1?"

Lee: [smashing the phone] "No cops! I say we pay our neighbors a little visit, and find our bottle. Kanker-style." [She laughs evilly.]

[Rolf has harnessed a giant sausage to a wagon and is sitting atop it while Victor pulls.]

Rolf: "Rolf's giant wiener will fetch a pretty penny at the market, yes Victor?"

[Victor suddenly stops moving.]

Rolf: "Victor, why have you stopped?"

[His pig starts squealing. He looks and sees it running in circles. His chickens then start rioting in their coop. Rolf, sensing that something big is coming, holds a chicken's cooked leg to his ear. He becomes fearful, and in a fit he grabs his animals and throws them into his cellar.]

Rolf: "HAVE MERCY ON OUR MISERABLE SOULS!" [He slams the cellar doors shut.]

[Kevin opens his fridge and shows the contents to Edd, Nat and Eddy.]

Kevin: "I believe this belongs to you?" [He indicates Ed, who is sleeping in the almost empty fridge.]

Nat: "Yes he does."

Edd: [as Eddy laughs] "Sleepwalking again? We'll have Ed vacated ASAP, Kevin."

Kevin: "Lucky for you dorks I got chores to do, or I woulda had to pound ya."

Edd: "Oh Ed? Ed? Rise and shine, sleepyhead."

Nat: "Ed please wake up."

[Eddy pushes Edd and Nat out of the way and blows through a horn. Ed stumbles out of the fridge and onto the floor.]

Ed: "Private Do-Not-Enter is ready for duty, Chief!" [He salutes. A bottle with a ship inside is stuck to his finger.]

Edd: "Ed? You seem to have garnered a memento from your slumbered stroll."

Ed: "I did?"

Nat: "It's a bottle."

Eddy: "Ain't you caused enough trouble? It's junk. Get rid of it." [He tosses it behind him. Because the bottle is attached to Ed's finger, it boomerangs back, hitting Eddy on the back of the head.]

Ed: "It likes me, Eddy."

Edd: "Inanimate objects don't like, Ed." [measuring his stuck finger] "Just as I suspected, Eddy. Ed's swollen finger will thwart any attempt at removing this bottle."

Eddy: "Well I'll give it a twart!"

[He moves off. Outside the window, many objects, including bushes and cars, fly by. The cul-de-sac erupts into chaos. The Kankers then pass by, having apparently caused the damage. Nazz, sweeping a sidewalk, watches them enter a house.]

Nazz: "What's their problem?"

[The house explodes, and large cracks in the earth appear.]

Jimmy: "It's a Kanker Hissy Fit!" [Screaming, he heads indoors. Nazz is quick to enter her house as well. Jimmy gazes out fearfully from a window in his room.]

Sarah: [being tortured outside] "GET AWAY FROM ME! AAH! JIMMY!"

Jimmy: "It's the end of the world as we know it!"

[His door suddenly flies open.]

Lee: [standing in the doorway] "Make it easy on yourself, curlique, and cough it up."

Marie: "Let's just find it the hard way, Lee."

Jimmy: "Huh? Hard way?"

[Just outside Jimmy's house, Eddy is pulling at Ed's stuck finger, trying to remove the bottle.]

Eddy: "Let go of it, stupid!"

Ed: "It's a fighter, Eddy!"

Edd: "If I might make a suggestion–"

Eddy: "It's under control, back off!" [Ed is now clinging to a tree.]

Edd: "But Eddy, this is simple–"

Eddy: "I said it's under control!"

[Ed's finger is now wrapped around a grove of five trees. Suddenly, Ed's finger snaps through the five trees, cutting through them cleanly. With no buffers, Eddy is pulled against the original tree, and he falls. The other trees then pile up on top of him.]

Nat: "Eddy!" 

Edd: "Are you alright?"

Eddy: [dazed] "Ha ha! One bottle, hold Ed's finger!" [Ed's finger is still stuck.] "What the?"

Edd: "Eddy, wouldn't it be easier to dab a little soap on Ed's finger and–"

Ed: "SOAP!!! YUCK! FRESH! CLEAN! NASTY!" [He runs away, through several backyards.] "NO SOAP!" [He cuts in front of Kevin, who is mowing his back lawn. Kevin has to stop the motor to let him and his friends through.]

Eddy: "Get back here!"

Nat: "Excuse us Kevin."

Edd: "Pardon us, Kevin."

Kevin: "IF I SEE YOU ONE MORE TIME, I'LL–dorks."

[Kevin resumes mowing. The Kankers suddenly push the boards of his fence away, and enter. The boards slam shut, and Ed runs along the lane behind Kevin's house, narrowly avoiding the Kankers.]

Ed: "Bad soap, evil soap, slippery sudsy scary soap!"

Nat: "Ed wait!"

Eddy: [stopping the chase] "Okay, Ed. You win." [He hides the soap behind Edd's back.] "See? Soap's gone."

Edd: "Well, technically you just moved it behind my–" [Eddy slaps his hand over Edd's mouth.]

[Ed returns, warily. Suddenly, Eddy jumps on him.]

Eddy: "C'mere, you!" [They fight until Eddy has wrestled Ed to the ground.] "What are you waiting for? Soap him! Soap him!"

Edd: [approaching tentatively] "Not good, not good."

Eddy: [dazed, as Ed continues to fight] "He's putty in my hands. Soap him! Soap–"

[Ed crashes against the fence and falls into Edd.]

Ed: [holding the bottle between his toes] "I dispense with you, disgusting detergent of the deep!" [He tosses the soap away.] "For I, Ed, can remove the bottle with sticky tape."

Edd: [confused] "Sticky tape?"

Nat: "How?"

Eddy: "Stick? You're already stuck, numbskull."

Ed: "And your point is?"

Eddy: [walking away] "This is stupid."

Edd: "Ed may have something, Eddy. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, you know."

Ed: "Just follow my smell, bucko!"

[The cul-de-sac is now a disaster area. An air-raid siren plays over the scene of rampant destruction. The kids run willy-nilly, trying to escape the Kankers rampage.]

Jimmy: "I'm scarred for life!"

Kevin: "Crazy man, crazy!"

Jonny: "Run for the hills, Plank!"

[In Sarah's room, Sarah is cowering in her toybox. Suddenly, the door bursts open.]

Ed: "Hello?"

[Sarah opens the lid a crack.]

Edd: "Ed, wouldn't it have been more polite to knock before entering your sister's room?"

Ed: "I'm in the zone, Double D." [He hunts through a drawer and pulls out some tape.] "Sticky tape!"

Sarah: "Ed!" [She reveals herself.] "Get out of my room now! Can't you see I'm hiding over here?"

Eddy: "CAN WE GET RID OF THIS BOTTLE OR WHAT?"

Nat: "We're trying Eddy!"

[Eddy grabs his friends and carries them downstairs.]

Edd: "And where exactly are we going now, Eddy?"

Eddy: "Your place, where else?"

[His friends exit just as the Kankers enter from the other side. The sisters tromp up the stairs.]

Sarah: "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO–" [She sees the Kankers and stops instantly.]

[Eddy is taping the bottle to a ceiling while Ed stands on a banister railing.]

Edd: "I don't have a good feeling about this."

Eddy: "Okay Ed, jump!"

Edd: "Wait! You don't suppose the tape will leave any unsightly residue? I mean Mother has the eyes of a hawk when it comes to adhesive resin!"

Eddy: "Relax, I'm on it."

[Eddy pushes Ed off the ledge. Ed tumbles down and hits the ground hard. The part of the ceiling he was taped to is ripped away.]

Edd: "Oh dear."

Nat: "That's gonna leave a mark."

Eddy: "Don't sweat it, Ed. My dad's got a hacksaw!"

[The Kankers have completely destroyed Sarah's room. Sarah is in the corner. She has been bound up, stuffed in a burlap sack, and gagged with a sock.]

Lee: "Well?"

Marie: "It ain't here, Lee."

May: "Our ship in a bottle is gone forever and ever and ever!"

[Sarah flashes back to when Ed entered her room. She remembers how he scratched his head with the bottle.]

Lee: [strangling May] "That's crazy talk, May. Snap out of it. We're finding that ship in a bottle if it kills ya. Now get out there. We got people's lives to wreck."

[Sarah struggles to get free as the Kankers leave. The gag comes off.]

Sarah: "Wait! I know who's got a ship in a bottle."

Lee: [reentering the room] "Is that so?"

[Ed is being turned in circles. The center of the turns is the bottle, which is being held to the ground by Edd.]

Edd: "Sometimes the most perplexing of riddles can be solved with a simple counterclockwise turn."

Eddy: "What a load of bunk."

[The doorbell rings.]

Edd: "Now who could that be?"

[Edd goes to open the door.]

Edd: "Good day, and how may I help–" [He sees the people outside and blanches, all color draining from his face.]

Lee: "A little birdie told us you had something of ours."

Nat: "Double D who-" [She sees them as well and becomes shocked.]

[Edd, perplexed, looks at them. He then looks to his right, where Eddy is still turning Ed. His vision centers in on the bottle. Comprehension dawns upon him. He then turns back to the Kankers. Edd shuts the door calmly, and locks it, seemingly unworried. He then turns back to his friends.]

Nat: "Whenever you're ready Double D."

Edd: "OH LORD! THAT SHIP IN A BOTTLE BELONGS TO THE KANKERS!!!!!"

Eddy: "KANKERS!? EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!!"

Ed: "Who!? What!? Where!? Why!?"

[The Kankers break through the door.]

Marie: "I got it! I got it!"

[The Kankers look around and see no one. They then head to the kitchen, where a frying pan is spinning. The pan stops, handle pointing towards the sink.]

Eddy: [under the sink with his friends, whispering] "All they want is the bottle, Ed. You're gonna have to take one for the team, Lumpy!"

Edd: [whispering] "Oh, that's real brave of you, Eddy.

Eddy: [whispering] "What?"

Edd: [whispering] "Why should Ed sacrifice himself?"

Eddy: [whispering, frustrated] "He took the bottle!"

[The Kankers are right next to the cabinet, listening. Lee suddenly stands up and turns on the faucet.]

Ed: "Oh look, sponge."

Edd: [whispering] "Ssh! What's that? Do you hear it?"

Nat: [whispering] "Guys I think the Kankers found us."

[The faucet rattles and coughs the Eds and Nat out into the sink.]

Eddy: "Oops! Uh, hey, look what we found!"

[Lee reaches over and grabs the bottle. With one simple pull, she lifts it straight off Ed's finger.]

Lee: "We're a family again, girls."

Marie: "Awwwww....quit hoggin it, Lee!"

May: [grabbing for it] "I wanna hold it! I wanna hold it!"

Lee: "You're dreaming. It's mine."

[The Kankers begin to fight, and they find their way out of Edd's house.]

Ed: "I think that was the Kankers' bottle, Eddy!"

Edd: [removing himself from the sink] "You're not the only one confused here, Ed. Have you noticed that we've come out of this virtually unscathed?"

Ed: [climbing out as well] "Are we lucky or what?"

Nat: [also climbing out] "I don't know."

Eddy: "We must be getting good at this, huh guys and girl?" [He leaps out of the sink, but is pulled back. His finger is stuck to the faucet's opening.] "For crying out loud! Of all the–"

Ed: "Aw! Just like old times!"

Edd: "Well, that sense of confidence didn't last long."

Nat: "Nope."

Eddy: "Do something, willya?"

Edd: "I know just the thing! A little dab of soap will do the trick." [He hurries away.]

Ed: "And I will fetch the Kankers, as they are whizzes at stuck fingers." [He pads off.]

Eddy: "NO, WAIT! ED!" [He tugs more furiously.] "ED!"

Nat: [looking out the window] "WHAT ON EARTH!?!"

[An iris-in comes, and the episode ends.]

[Rolf lights a lantern. He is still in his cellar, surrounded by his animals. He sniffs the air.]

Rolf: "The stench of immortal doom still thickens the air! Yes? Or perhaps it is Wilfred's cabbage evacuations."

[We get another look at the scope of the damage: the cul-de-sac is in tatters, and sirens can be heard everywhere. Although the Kankers have left, the memory of their rampage will live on for a long time.]

Rolf: "Hard to tell."


	97. Hand Me Down Ed

[It is a peaceful summer day in Peach Creek; the sun is beating down, birds are chirping, and everything seems to be just as it should. As we view the skyline, a boomerang whizzes past. It circles over the cul-de-sac, slowly going lower and lower.]

[In a yard, Jimmy is sitting on a pillow. He stretches his legs into an awkward position behind his head.]

Jimmy: "Are we ready, class?" [His class consists of a doll, a stuffed rabbit, and a teddy bear.] "Good. Let's begin, shall we? Let those nasties loose from your body. Ooh, doesn't that feel good? Now cuddle the tranquility. Snuggle the–"

[Jimmy hears a noise and opens one eye. A basketball is bouncing towards a stand-alone mailbox. The ball hits the box. The mailbox teeters over and collapses onto a doll and half of the teddy bear. The bear is ripped in half, whereas the doll is crushed beneath the box.]

Jimmy: "MR YUM-YUMS!" [Not bothering to untangle himself, he hops over to the destroyed bear.] "SPEAK TO ME!" [The bear's head just lolls over. Crying] "Dolly and I will miss you so! Dolly?" [realizing there's another casualty] "DOLLY!" [Jimmy struggles to lift the mailbox, but cannot accomplish it.] "It's no use! I'm so inadequate!" [He starts bawling. Kevin comes over, picks up his ball, and easily sets the mailbox upright.]

Kevin: [looking at the wreckage] "Rough. Kiss those baby toys goodbye!" [walking away] "Huh, Fluffy?"

Jimmy: [setting the wrecked toys and the bunny on the pillow] "If only I wasn't such a weightless weakling, I'd give him what for!"

[Jimmy moves to carry the pillow away, but spots something in the bushes. The something is the boomerang, which has apparently finished its descent and settled there. Jimmy picks it up and stuffs it in the back of his shirt, making him appear to actually have muscles.]

Jimmy: "Look at me, I'm a bruiser!" [He giggles, but suddenly he feels a strange transformation overtake him. Jimmy is now indeed a muscleman. He growls, and then his sight lands on Kevin, who is practicing his dribbling, unaware of Jimmy. This blissful ignorance does not last for long, as Jimmy swats Kevin's cap off his head and spins Kevin around to face him.]

Kevin: "Hey–" [He sees the musclebound Jimmy, the offending mailbox raised over his head.] "Whoa."

[Jimmy throws the box down on Kevin, crushing the boy into the cement.]

Jimmy: [standing on the mailbox] "I am Jimmy. Hear me roar!"

[Kevin pokes his head out from underneath the metal contraption and coughs out a letter. Jimmy looks at him, clenching his shoulders together to make himself appear wider. The boomerang can't stand the strain, and flies out of Jimmy's shirt. Jimmy instantly reverts to normal and takes in the scene.]

Kevin: "You are so dead."

Jimmy: [running away] "Aah! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!"

Kevin: [not chasing Jimmy] "Man! What's with him?" [He picks up his cap and leaves.]

[The boomerang finds its way through the cul-de-sac and through an open window. The window leads to Sarah's room. The boomerang lands in the toy box.]

Sarah: "My room!"

[Sarah's room is indeed a disaster area. There are various food remnants and a comic book on the floor. Running down her dresser is a strange blue ooze. The camera moves up to show that there is a dripping carton of milk on top of the dresser, along with an empty box of Chunky Puffs and a banana peel. Perhaps the strangest thing is the bone in a vase of flowers. She growls, knowing who the culprit is all too well.]

[In Ed's basement, the Eds and Nat are getting a scam ready.]

Ed: [holding up a tube of Smile-O-Dent] "See? My favorite toothpaste, Eddy. Fresh as the day my mom bought it."

Nat: "Nice."

Eddy: "Thataboy, Mung-mouth, it's perfect for the scam."

Edd: [sarcastic] "Thank goodness, Ed, where would we be if you actually brushed now and then?"

Sarah: [from upstairs] "ED! I've had it with you, mister! Not only did you mess up my room, but now I have to find something to hit you with." [She shuffles through her toy box and finds a broken baseball bat.] "Used it." [She pulls out a golf club with an outline of Ed's head in the middle.] "Used it." [Sarah finds the boomerang.] "Ah hah!"

[Sarah undergoes a transformation.]

Sarah: [sweetly, love in her eyes and in her heart] "Here I come, big brother!"

[Ed, in the basement, is panicking, running around in circles while dragging his three friends behind him.]

Ed: "Run away run away run away!" [He spots the window and climbs up to it.] "Ed! Hurt!" [He climbs through it only to come face to face with his little sister.]

Sarah: [cheerful] "Hiya, fellas!" [holding up the boomerang] "You wanna play? Huh? Do ya?"

Eddy: "Get lost, twerp! We've got business to take care of." [Ed, Nat and Edd sweat, afraid of what fuse Eddy's words could light.]

Ed: [cowed] "Don't hit me!"

Sarah: [hurt by his plea] "Ed! How could you say that?" [She hugs him close.] "I love you, silly!"

Nat: "Huh?"

Edd: "I'm confused here, Eddy. I've never seen Sarah act this way."

Eddy: "Dames! Who can figger 'em?" [He gives the suitcase to Edd and goes over to Ed and Sarah. Pulling Sarah off Ed] "Hey! Whatever it is you're pulling, it ain't gonna work!"

Sarah: [sweetly] "Aw, does little Eddy want a hug too?" [She clutches Eddy close.]

Nat: "Sarah what's going on?"

Sarah: "Nothing Nat. Here's a hug for you!" [She hugs Nat.]

Edd: [taking a step back] "Um, Sarah, are you feeling well?"

Sarah: "I feel great, Double D. Hug for you too!"

Ed: "Baby sister is all cuddly and sweet like Dad's bushy ears!"

Edd: [running away in fear] "Good Lord, stay away! Ed, do something!"

[Sarah chases him, skipping leisurely. Edd runs into a backyard. Sarah's boomerang catches on a clothesline and is flung into the air. It flies away, and Sarah reverts to normal.]

Ed: [hugging her] "Let me help you, flip-flop sister of mine."

[Sarah growls and proceeds to thrash him. Eddy enters the yard, suitcase in his arms.]

Sarah: [leaving] "Touch me again and I'll beat you to a pulp."

Ed: "Ow." [He is headfirst in the ground.] "Ah, the good old days."

[The boomerang flies over to Rolf's, where Rolf is plowing a plot of soil with his goat. The boomerang lands on top of the shed.]

Rolf: "A fine bed for Rolf's seeds, yes Victor?"

[Rolf carries Victor into the shed and hangs him on hooks. He then strains to get a bag of seeds, which is too big for the doorway, through the shed's door.]

Rolf: "Come on you cursed sack of shriveled produce droppings!"

[Rolf gets the burlap bag through the door, and the shed shakes. This causes the boomerang to fly off its roof. Rolf begins to sprinkle seeds, but the boomerang comes down and lodges itself in the seat of his pants.]

Rolf: "Hallo." [He looks at the boomerang, blushing. He then gets angry.] "WHO THREW THIS WHATCHAMADOOHICKEY AT ROLF'S POSTERIOR???"

[No reply comes, but the transformation occurs and Rolf begins to sing opera. He recovers himself and clamps a hand over his mouth, surprised. When this stops the flow of song, he takes the hand away. Almost immediately, he begins to sing again.]

[Eddy rings Rolf's doorbell, which is an actual bell.]

Eddy: [straightening his tie] "Double D, act natural. Nat, stand there and look pretty. Ed, shut up, and I'll do all the talking." [Edd opens the suitcase to reveal a taped on piece of paper reading "Dr. Ed's Ultra Dude."]

Nat: "Can't we knit sweaters instead?"

Edd: "Misrepresenting toothpaste as a character-enhancing ointment is far beyond my scope of vocabulary, Eddy."

Ed: "And I haven't a clue here what's going on, Eddy!"

Eddy: "I said shut it, stupid!" [They wait. Rolf has still not come to the door. Eddy rings the bell again, and Rolf throws the door open, singing loudly. He comes out on the sidewalk. Soon enough, Eddy gets annoyed, and pushes Rolf back into the house. As Rolf falls backwards, the boomerang drops out of his pants.]

Eddy: "Geez, since when did Rolf turn into one of those stuffed-shirt blowhard singer types?" [He closes the suitcase.] "The guy gave me a headache! Next house." [He picks up the suitcase and moves on. Edd opens the door and looks in on Rolf.]

Rolf: [relieved] "Thank you."

[Edd shuts the door.]

Nat: "Hey Double D look!" [She points at the boomerang.]

Edd: "Odd. Isn't that the boomerang Sarah had earlier today?"

Ed: [shoving Edd out of the way] "Boomerjigger?"

Edd: "Ow..." [Nat helps him up] "Certainly you've heard of a boomerang, Ed. Its magnificent aerodynamic properties allow it, when thrown, to rotate a distance and return to the initial place of where it was thrown. Used primarily by natives who believed it to possess supernatural powers. Amusing, don't you think?"

Nat: "I agree."

[Edd and Nat walk off. Ed, meanwhile, stares at the boomerang for a few minutes and then picks it up.]

Ed: "Supernatural?"

[A transformation occurs.]

Ed: [using a typewriter] "Chasing Phantoms: A Dissertation on Unifying Field Theory and its Effect on Leptons and Quasars. By Edwin."

[Edd and Nat stand there shocked. Ed has suddenly become a genius.]

Edd: [excited, to Eddy, who is about to knock on another door] "Eddy come quick! You're not gonna believe this!"

Eddy: [annoyed] "What the heck are you doing over there? The scam's over here!"

Ed: [cleaning his glasses] "...and anyway, I balk at the results. Total molecular dissipation. Do you concur?"

Eddy: "Ahem."

Nat: "Ed is a genius!"

Edd: [to Eddy, thrilled] "Eddy, did you hear that? Ed has finally found his intellect! I theorize that in puberty, a hormonal imbalance has unclogged his–"

Eddy: "All I hear IS A COUPLE OF SLACKERS!"

Ed: [pointing at Eddy with the boomerang] "Hostility is the calling card of a weak intellect."

Eddy: [grabbing the boomerang] "I'll give you a calling card, right up your–"

[The transformation occurs. Ed goes back to normal, scattering his papers around and rolling on the ground, happy and laughing.]

Eddy: [motherly, treating the suitcase like a baby] "Coochie coochie coo! That's a good little baby. Don't drink too fast now, or you might get gas!"

Edd: [thoroughly confused] "Eddy? Motherly?"

Nat: "I'm so confused."

Ed: "And he didn't even show!" [to Eddy] "What's the little dickens name, Mommy?"

Eddy: "Casey. Casey Junior. Casey wants Uncle D to change his diaper." [He holds the suitcase out to Edd, along with the boomerang.]

Edd: "Oh my. Gentlemen and lady, there's something very fishy going on here."

[A transformation over takes Edd. Eddy's slate is wiped clean; he is no longer motherly, but back to the same scamming, wise-cracking, care-only-about-cash Ed-boy we know.]

Eddy: "What's Sockhead twitching about?"

Edd: [sweating profusely] "Wow, is it hot or what?"

Eddy: [taking the suitcase] "Get over it! We got ointment to sell."

Edd: "Chill, bro, I'm sizzling in this heat." [He removes his shoes and then his socks.] "Au natural. The man's uniform is crimping my style."

[Ed and Eddy stare in shock. Nat stares in shock with her mouth hanging open.]

Nat: "What is happening right now?!"

[Edd removes his shirt and throws it at Eddy, who is disturbed by Edd's current behavior: His friend has turned into a laid back naturist.]

Edd: "Mother Nature and me got a thing goin' on."

Eddy: [fearful] "This ain't right!" [Edd wiggles out of his pants.]

Edd: [sighing with relief] "Right on!"

[Edd looks at Nat who has turned a crimson red.]

Edd: "Well hello my sweet butterfly why don't you join me and embrace Mother Nature together?"

[Nat grabs the boomerang from Edd.]

Nat: "I'd rather not!" [realizing what she's done.] "Oh no." [She begins to twitch.]

[Edd looks down and realizes he's almost naked.]

Edd: "What in Sam Hill is going on here? I'm naked!" [he tries to cover himself with his hat.]

Ed: "Not quite yourself there, huh bucko?"

Eddy: "Why is Nat twitching?"

Nat: [fanning herself] "Oh my goodness I'm feeling hot."

Eddy: [nervous] "What do you mean?"

Nat: [seductively] "Maybe I should make myself more...comfortable." [she removes her shoes.]

[As Nat begins to remove her sweater the Eds stare in shock sweating and turning crimson red.]

Edd: "Nat what in heaven's name are you doing?!"

Nat: "Oh honey I've been keeping myself locked up all this time, there is a side of me just aching to break free."

Eddy: [fearful] "This is so wrong!"

[Nat removes her t-shirt and throws it at Eddy. She then removes her pants and throws it at Ed, both are shocked and motionless at Nat's behavior: Their friend has become a sexy seductress. She is revealed to be wearing a two piece swimsuit.]

Nat: "Much better." [She looks at Edd] "Hey hon why don't you come over here and put your arms around me?"

[Edd is so flustered he spits out nonsense.]

Eddy: [creeped out] "WHO ARE YOU?!?!?" [Eddy freaks out. He runs by, holding the suitcase over his eyes. As he goes past, he grabs the boomerang from Nat.] "Stop it! Stop it stop it!"

[Nat looks down and realizes she is in a revealing bikini.]

Nat: "What on earth?!" [she tries to cover herself with her hair.] "Where are my clothes?!"

Ed: "You threw them at us."

Eddy: [motherly once again, wearing a dress and using the boomerang as a hairtie] "Good golly! Someone made a mister stinkums!" [He hands a diaper full of the hygiene products to Ed.] "Be a dear and dispose of this, will you, while I get Casey a clean fresh diaper." [looking for something to tie the diaper with] "Oh, applesauce! No more safety pins."

[Ed drops the diaper into the sewer.]

Eddy: "Uncle D! Be a dear and get me a safety pin."

Edd: "I'm not moving from this spot!"

Eddy: "What about you Auntie Nat?"

Nat: "I'd rather not move thank you!"

Ed: [pointing to the hairtie] "Why not use this boomerang, Mommy?"

Eddy: "Oh thank you, young man!" [Ed pulls the boomerang out of Eddy's hair. Eddy instantly goes back to normal, while Ed becomes smart once again.]

Ed: [examining the boomerang] "I feel an analysis is in order to determine the vessel's quantity of magnitude and direction."

Edd: [freaked out] "WHAT'S HAPPENING TO US?!?"

Nat: [also freaked out] "I HAVE NO IDEA!!!"

Ed: [watching it fly away] "Hinky dinky parlez vous!"

Eddy: [looking in the empty suitcase] "Where'd the scam go?"

[The boomerang hits a pole, breaking it into four pieces, it makes it's way back to the Eds and Nat.]

Ed: [pointing to the returning boomerang] "Here it comes now, Eddy!" [The first piece of the boomerang slips into Ed's clothing.]

Edd: "I'm so confused!" [The second piece of the boomerang slips into Edd's clothing.]

Eddy: [pointing to his hair] "WHO DID THIS TO MY HEAD?" [The third piece of the boomerang slips into Eddy's clothing.]

Nat: "Oh no!" [she tries to run away but slips on her sweater allowing the last piece of the boomerang to slip in her clothing.]

[The Eds and Nat all have a piece of the boomerang in their clothing. One by one, they undergo their transformations.]

Ed: [intellectual mode] "What an inane, inchoate, and inefficacious journey this has been."

Eddy: [motherly mode] "Casey Jr.'s all alone! Mommy's here, sweetie! Don't cry!"

Edd: [naturist mode] "I'm glad you decided to join me my sweet butterfly." [He dips Nat]

Nat: [seductress mode] "Whatever it takes to please you honey." [She strokes Edd's cheek]

Eddy: "Aw they make a cute couple don't they?"

Ed: "Distasteful dullard!"


End file.
